r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

WIBTA if I tell my daughter I won�t financially support her if she moves in with her boyfriend at uni instead of sticking with halls?

quote:

I, (43F) have an exceptionally smart daughter (19F). She has been accepted into 5 of the most prestigious universities in the UK, and has chosen Edinburgh to study politics at. Of course, we are all delighted. From a very early age we have pushed for her to strive for excellence, and not going to university wasn�t really an option. Some people may disagree, but us as parents truly feel like this is the best for her.

She currently studies at an international boarding school in Denmark and has done for the past two years. We pay for her boarding fees, but out of her own money that she has saved from working (we make sure that with our children as soon as they get their National Insurance number they get a job) she can use to pay for other expenses, such as transport, extra food, or trips etc.

During her time at boarding school, she has got into a relationship with a boy named A. A is in his last year of danish high school, is 20 years old (they finish later there) and they have been together a year. My daughter has stated than in her first year, instead of going into halls, she wants to move into a flat share with other students and her boyfriend in Edinburgh.

I have told her that if she does this, I will be cutting her off financially. She will receive no help from us, as she is choosing to isolate herself from traditional uni life. If she goes into halls, we have said we will continue the financial support and she will also be eligible for loans and student support etc. There are also a multitude of bad things that come with this;

1: She will feel pressured to always be with A. A will be working, whereas she will be studying. Therefore, A won�t have any free time and if he does, he will want to spend it with her and not make his own friends.

2: Despite them being in a house share rather than a single flat, it is still early (20 and 21 when this would occur) to move in together. I am afraid my daughter would rather give up school to become pregnant, or something of that nature.

3: Me and my husband (daughter�s stepdad) have only met him a couple of times. My brother, who is a teacher at my daughters school and has met A multiple times and even went to my brothers wedding, says he is very nice but I can only hear from what they say. My daughter has proposed that he comes over in June for a couple of weeks, when they have finished with exams, however her stepdad is against the idea as he does not like other people he does not know sleeping around and being in the house. Our daughter rarely had people over, and it is something she has always been used to, and says it was never really a problem. She also says that A wouldn�t be comfortable anyway coming due to the cameras we have in each room of the house, used for security measures. Due to this comment alone, it has put me and my husband off of A due to his criticism of how we raise our household.

WIBTA/AITA?

Why is the daughter in Danish boarding school? Well, from the comments ...

quote:

My daughter had a severely abusive boyfriend at the time, who luckily has and is continuing to be dealt with the crimes that he did against her. Said ex boyfriend accused my husband of sexual abuse against my daughter, as ex bf wanted to get my daughter pregnant and for her to move in with him when she was 16 and he was 20. There were messages to prove this, and my own daughter told this to the police. That night after the police came, even when my daughter denied the sexual abuse claims to them, (and still does to this day) there was too much tension and we decided she should be better somewhere else instead, such as my parents. She left British school (she was doing her A Levels) and worked full time for 6 months, before moving to Denmark the next academic year. She said that this helped build character and knows she wants a further education so she doesn�t have to continue in a dead end job.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2020 22:21

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 03:40

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Darkhold posted:

I'm sorry to go back six pages (hey I've been busy and I'm behind) but I'm surprised my wife got a job that I don't know about.

It makes me feel like some kind of monster when I hear 'I'm sorry' for every little thing. Many times I stare at her blankly for a moment and go 'uh for what?' because I genuinely don't know what happened. Like she's walking on eggshells around me and I can never figure out why. At least I know where it comes from because her parents are a bit like that as well.

We've talked about it but it's such a reflex for her I don't think it'll ever change.

It's a genuine cultural difference. Not just being a woman, but is she Midwestern? We apologize right after saying "hello". We apologize after walking into pillars. It's a thing.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2020 17:07

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

quote:

Other detail, I have weird upper body joints. Mostly wrists and fingers. A small pressure on my index finger and the tip goes back almost touching the back of the hand. Same with my wrist, even if less accentuated. A small pressure and it bends too much. This, of course, isn�t painless, but it never caused much problems since there are no many occasions in life in which my wrist/fingers are subjected to that kind of pressure.

Person needs to see a doctor stat. Connective tissue disorders (Ehlers-Danlos is one but there are lots of them) can affect internal organs as well as the obvious stretchy bits.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2020 18:07

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

quote:

She pushed me out of her house and told me not to come back unless I squeeze my own oranges because she is old and can�t do it for me.

It is about the juice. It is specifically about the juice. It is about the nana not caring that the poster injures themself when making juice.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2020 19:24

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

I spent some weeks (family reasons) in the state where I grew up, Indiana, and I didn't realize how Southern the vowels were until I'd been away for decades.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2020 19:30

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Most embarassing is when you say �ow!� right before you walk into something... and then that thing moves and you don�t run into it at all. I�m not even midwestern but I�ve done that a fair bit.

I was having a routine neuro exam yesterday and I flinched before the hammer hit the knee. WTF, self.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2020 22:17

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

JacquelineDempsey posted:

If my husband had forced me to binge Smallville or Heroes, or gave me a crappy soundtrack of CW show songs, he'd be living somewhere else right now.

I did force (well, Bambi eyes) my husband to watch chunks of Highlander (the TV series, not the movie). Someday he may forgive me. Maybe. Then again, he doesn't remember Farscape fondly. Can this marriage be saved?

At least Highlander's theme music is by Queen.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2020 05:03

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

I'm [F22] in love with my best friend [M26], he won't leave his loser GF [F24] for me.

quote:

I know the title makes me seem like a bitch but I couldn't think of another way to summarize it in one go. We'll call him Dean and we'll call his gf Helen.

Basically, I'm a university student, and I interned at a marketing company over the last few Summers. Dean was my boss there and we became really close friends. Our friendship moved outside of work, and I no longer intern there at all. The more we talked, the more I fell for him. He's incredible, hardworking, successful, funny, the whole package.

His girlfriend is not, imo. She's actually a loser. She's uneducated and unemployed. Helen dropped out of high school because of family problems. Apparently her Mom has severe anxiety and depression, overdosed multiple times when Helen was a kid, and would have breakdowns/threaten to hurt herself if she was left alone. So, Helen stayed home with her, and still does when necessary, because her father can't get retired. Over the years, Helen had admitted it's weighed on her own mental health, she sees a psychiatrist and takes medication.

She's developed her own irrational anxiety, she's had some jobs over the years (in the hours her Dad is home with her Mom from work), but would have screaming/crying panic attacks while on the job. She has them at home sometimes too, at night. But she can calm herself down okay apparently. Subsequently, she's never finished school or held down a job.

Dean and I have talked about it many times. He insists she's doing her best, that she does all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, etc... at her home. She gets a very small amount of money from her father for this weekly. She also does video game streaming and makes some money from that. Barely any, I think.

They've been together for 5 years, and he's come to term with the fact she may never work or get educated (Dean has a marketing degree), but he doesn't seem to care. He says he will provide financially, and he's okay with her being a SAHM someday, or even just a stay at home wife.

I DM'd him asking him why he's even in love with her, how he fell in love with her, just why. I don't get it. He can do so much better. He said this: "I fell in love with her for many reasons. She's sweet, kind, cute, and she always sees the best in people even with everything that she's been through. I think she's funny, beautiful, intelligent and is always trying to do some good. I like that she's random, silly, quirky and passionate af. I like how competitive she is, because I'm competitive too. I like that she's athletic. I like how she cook things, top of the dome, without the need to google everything (like me). I love her giggle and I really love her smile. I like her singing voice and, well, all of her voices. I like her hugs and I love her kisses. I like when her fingers are in my hair. I like the things that she draws or makes from hand. I like it when she holds my hand. I like her taste in memes and I like her taste in music. I like her puns and her sense of humour. I really like her presence, and I like her dance moves and how good she is at everything. I like that she like to help people. I genuinely like the person that she is, always have. I admire her a lot and will always want her for myself."

I told him how I felt about him, how I'm in love with him, and that I wished she wasn't around. He said: "Well I'm lucky that she is. I don't know what'd I'd do without her."

I told him he's just comfortable, and he's staying with her cause it's been a long time. That I've been at a place in my life where I thought I couldn't go on without certain people but I survived, and he would too. He said this: "Well, I don't want to. So I'd appreciate you not saying things like "I wish she wasn't in the picture". That's awful. If you cared at all about me then you'd say that I'm lucky to have her and respect that. Yenno?"

So, he adamantly won't leave her. And I don't understand why. With the little money she earns, she saves up to do some very special things for him. Got him a cameo from his favourite actress, took him to see his favourite sports team in the playoffs, got him a PS4, she's taking him to his favourite band this Summer. She also does "sweet" stuff for him like give him random cards, drawings, paintings, crap like that. I think maybe that's the real reason he stays with her, but I could do that stuff for him too. She's had years to do it.

I'm studying hard. I work as a barista to get through school. I love talking to him, I love spending time with him. He means the world to me. Does anyone have advice on how I can win him over? I just want him for myself, I'm the better choice for him, he just doesn't realise it right now. What can I do here?

Edit: Some people think I'm shitposting. I'm not. Here's some of our DM's:

https://imgur.com/a/ig9JLMl

https://imgur.com/a/1TdsUAx

https://imgur.com/a/kZVSral

(We were fighting here but we usually have a great relationship)

Edit: I decided to link him to this post as someone who commented recommended. Hopefully he'll get a better insight into where I'm at emotionally, and why.

But wait! There's also an AITA post, where she says in the comments

quote:

He doesn't want that. I've asked/sent nudes. He asked me to stop immediately or he would cut contact.

As the coup de grace, he shows up as the top-voted comment to her post

quote:

L, you linked me to this post so I could understand you better and now I do. I love my girlfriend more than life in itself. I've been with her for five years for a reason. Not because of what she can offer me financially but because of who she is as a person. That's what matters to me. I'll work 3 jobs if it means keeping her. For example, she once spent 2 hours travelling in the rain to bring my sick Mom some homemade soup. Money doesn't buy that kind of heart. I never told you that story because you would get emotional and angry with me for even bringing up my girlfriend.

I tried to be your friend because you seemed lonely, when we worked together, you said your roommates don't talk to you, and your family is back in your home country. We never had a future together. It's not even a possibility. I will protect that woman at all costs and it really hurts me to see you talking poo poo about her to strangers on the internet.

I hope you'll have the integrity to take this down. Maybe it's best we don't stay friends for now and see where things head. You sent me the link tho this thread, and then you immediately blocked me on Instagram? Why? I don't understand what you want from me at this point but it's no longer worth my energy. If you're ready to grow up and respect my relationship, give me a call.

The carnage is over at u/ThrowRA-Ihateherguts

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 18:38

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Serephina posted:

Fuckin' hot diggety, that's amazing. Also gently caress you for finding that first, your AwfulPoints must be going through the roof!

Thank God we don't do karma.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 19:37

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Whoo! Person hears criticism, behaves reasonably, apologizes, and everybody's good. Are we really sure this is AITA?

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 20:19

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Dazerbeams posted:

I�m trying to imagine what a legit 1k food budget would look like on a two person household. They�d both be morbidly obese at the very least, right? Unless it�s just huffing spices.

You could probably manage it if you shopped only at Whole Foods. Probably.

I've been making a list of Top Answers to Reddit Questions. Please add your suggestions.

1. Yes, that's abuse. You are being abused. Here is an abuse hotline.
~~1a. The police will walk you back to the house to collect your documents and valuables.~~ As pointed out below, some will, some won't.
1b. It sucks that you're under [legal age in your state]. Start preparing to leave at 18.
1c. Yes, you can move out of your parents' home. Here are the documents you'll need. Here are some financial hints.

2. You can break up any time you want, for any reason. You don't have to put up with somebody you don't like any more.
2a. That may be "just the way they are", but "the way they are" is an rear end in a top hat.
2b. Just because they depend on you doesn't mean you have to keep supporting them, emotionally or monetarily.

Arsenic Lupin fucked around with this message at 16:57 on Feb 21, 2020

# ¿ Feb 21, 2020 16:31

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Has that come up more than once?

# ¿ Feb 21, 2020 16:37

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Dienes posted:

Hahahahaha, no they loving won't. For every example of police doing this, there's a dozen where they outright refused. My friend is going through a divorce and just wanted to go pick up her cats. Her ex-husband acknowledged the cats were hers in an email and said if she showed up on 'his' property (they were both on the lease) he'd shoot her. Cops refused to escort her to the house to get her cats because 'we don't handle civil matters, ma'am.'

Cops are not a dependable resource for abuse victims.

Excellent point. I don't know why I violated the ACAB axiom.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2020 16:56

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

In the US, we aren't more than a couple of generations removed from women complaining about their husbands and ending with "At least he's a good provider." Like, as long as the household finances are doing okay, you put up with it.

Re marriage, when we were in college a friend was checking the local records at the town hall (he was that kind of guy) and came back to the computer room and congratulated an older friend on his marriage. The older friend glared and said, "Oh, great, now we're going to have to tell our parents." Respect.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2020 18:41

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for not telling my partner that I selfpublish romance novels of questionable quality?

quote:

Partner (m35) and I (f32) have been together ca. 7 months. It started casual and got domestic quickly, in a good way. I'm a part-time teacher, he's in admin (government job), but he studied art history. He knows I write on the side and would love to publish my passion project but it's not commercial - weird, experimental literary fiction. He's supportive, we talk a lot about art, his photography and oils, my novel.

Back in college I'd write other stuff as a quick outlet. It usually ended up as some tropey romance story. Mafia romance, pirate romance, you get it. (No erotica.) I didn't care, had fun, finished them, forgot about them. One day I realised the published books in the genre weren't that different from mine, so I gave it a shot. Minimal effort, self pub, ebook only, cheap. It was a bit of extra money. Kept writing them and got a bit of a readership. 4-5 books in, I was making a decent side income. The only teaching job I got was part time (had to stay in the area for a sick relative and the districts here have no money), you know teachers' pay; this extra income paid for living alone. So I developed a system: word-vomit novels during the holidays, 7-10 days per book, then publish every 2-3 months. They're solid, but they're just...blah, kinda formulaic, writing to market. People enjoy them though. By now my income from books is a stable 1.5x of my salary p.a. Not many people in my life know, I sometimes say I freelance on the side if anyone asks about my spending.

Partner knows I selfpub books. But he's got this thing about biased consumption and separating art and personal life etc, so he never wanted to read any of it. My last mass writing session was before we met and I do most of my marketing, pub stuff during the week when he's at work, so he never really saw them. I guess he assumed I was publishing artsy literary fiction like he knows I write?

Recently he had a week off and I was in the middle of a launch, so he saw me working. Totally lost it. Not in an angry way; rambling, upset, tearing up. How could I lie to him like that, why would I write this garbage, what an embarrassment, how will we look in front of his art friends, I'm a literary fraud, betray my convictions and my 'good' art, he knows I can do better, it's dishonest and inauthentic, I'm contributing to the destruction of art, how can he ever trust me again etc. That poo poo hurt so I defended myself, which unfortunately included some mean stuff, like at least I'm making money with it (implied "unlike him"), he has no idea what it's like, all coddled in his cushy desk job, etc. Now everything's weird.

I get that it was a lie (by omission?) that I never clarified the genre. It was just never that big of a deal, we don't discuss our finances � it never came up, maybe I subconsciously tried to avoid the topic because I knew intuitively what would happen. But it's a big part of my life and we talk a lot about our art, so it really is kinda weird that I never said.

AITA?

# ¿ Feb 23, 2020 16:50

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Also, there's no evidence that the novels are "of questionable quality". They aren't her experimental art, but they're questionable only if you go by the standard that creating popular entertainment is inherently contemptible.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2020 17:29

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Yup. Something they did, not something they are. But if you're white, step off black women's hair, because there's a long painful history of white people being asshats about black women's hair, including regular requests to touch it.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2020 17:16

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

TheKennedys posted:

I've wondered about this, I see black women with gorgeous hair all the time and I always want to tell them how much I love it (I would never touch someone's hair unless I had that kind of friendship with them) but I never know if it's over the line as an Extremely White Lady. =/

What I've read from black women online is that yes, it is over the line. Not because you, personally, mean harm, but because people talk about black women's hair all the time and they're sick of it even when not explicitly racist.

E: You wouldn't have heard of people asking to touch black women's hair unless you read accounts by black women. It's way too common.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2020 17:59

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Danaru posted:

Maybe just listen dipshit, your wife is sharing something deeply personal and you're like "BUT HOW DOES THIS AFFECT ME, THE PROTAGONIST OF THIS MARRIAGE"

# ¿ Feb 24, 2020 20:31

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

luxury handset posted:

"cripes linda, i know that a multi-faced rat appeared in the mirror and told you that you were the reincarnation of a celestial being doomed to end humanity in terrible woe and fire, but can't it wait until friggin halftime???"

About suffering they were never wrong, the old masters.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2020 22:07

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Chomp8645 posted:

Maybe he did say "you're pretty smart"

Somebody in the comments said they'd misread it as that, and she said, yeah, if he'd said that, she'd have been delighted. And there would be no reason for the manager to chuckle if he'd said that.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 00:35

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for making my graduate student walk upstairs after knee surgery.

quote:

I am an assistant professor at a university with an office on the ninth floor of a building. I hold regular meetings with graduate assistants, and they are expected to attend unless they have a really good excuse. Failure to attend results in less involvement in research projects. This system is common here, and I must abide by it to maintain the respect of my department.

Today, unfortunately, the elevator is out of order. My assistant had surgery three weeks ago and has a brace. She asked if we could meet in a lower floor communal area. There are people who walk in and out of there, and I feel like it would be too distracting. I told her that meetings are always in my office, as planned, and unless she had a statement from a physician that she could not go up the stairs, I would not change the location or cancel the meeting. I have no doubt that she can make it up the stairs, it would just take her longer than usual. She could arrive at the building earlier.

Apparently she complained to the department head. I talked to her (the head), and she said that it is my right to hold meetings wherever I find them appropriate. However, she also said, and I quote, "it seems like a dick move." I was taken aback at the inappropriate language from my head, and I am considering filing a complaint against her with the ombudsman. Sounds like someone who will seek retaliation if she is so quick to make gender-based slurs against people. I do not think I will file a Title IX claim against her, but that is not off the table. I told her I did not appreciate her words, and she said, "Just consider what I said. You can require the meeting where you would like."

I did require it in my office. My assistant made it up. She did not seem to be in any more pain as normal. We had the meeting. I reminded her that I allowed her three weeks off of meetings, which is a big deal to me. I expected her next week whether or not the elevator is repaired. This is an inconvenience to me, as well. I am not a big fan of walking up nine flights of stairs in dress shoes, but I have to do it.

A colleague of mine told me he would have just met her downstairs, but he did not think I made a "dick move." Another colleague told me that she would have never done what I did. I feel like they might be talking about me behind my back. Hopefully it is not the department head spreading rumors, but I will surely find out.

I would like your opinions on my behavior but also on the behavior of my department head, as I think most would agree that even if what I did was unconventional, what she did was much worse. Thank you in advance.

Me: tells an injured student to walk up nine flocks of stairs
Her: uses the phrase "dick move"

WHO IS THE REAL VICTIM HERE

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 20:56

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Xenocides posted:

I want to believe this moron just killed any chance of becoming a full professor.

Nah. Sounds very much like an "I got tenure gently caress you" person.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 21:47

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Xenocides posted:

They said they are only an assistant professor. I doubt it.

Whoops! Yeah, no. And I'm betting the department chair has already marked them down as "total rear end in a top hat, do not extend contract".

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 21:51

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

pentyne posted:

It's because of the Daughters of the American Revolution.

They basically waged a massive disinformation campaign and tried to infiltrate groups that were advocating the Sally Field-Jefferson issue. This became almost national news in the late 90s as more people became aware of it and these "heritage proud" white ladies were screaming from the rooftopa trying to deny any black people admission to their organization.

Also they were and likely are still massive, massive financial donors and control the organizations that manage the estates.

Yeah, there's an association of Jefferson descendants who have gotten pretty ugly about it over the years, including many of them refusing to acknowledge Hemings children even after the DNA results came in. Hemings descendants aren't allowed to be buried in the official Jefferson descendants cemetery, for inst.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2020 21:44

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

My father-in-law, whom I loved and respected, genuinely believed that the South would have abolished slavery if left to itself for a couple of generations. I smiled and turned the subject.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2020 07:10

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

large_gourd posted:

never even heard of somebody attempt at a polyamorous relationship in real life. people have talked about it and posted about it online, but never known anybody to go past that. i think it's mainly an internet thing. i'm sure it happens, i mean that's documented in cases like cults and all that, but i think it's probably something like a few hundred people getting signal boosted.

Two different people I know are in (separate) polyamorous relationships and have been for years. And yes, I've met them in person.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2020 19:18

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Luxury Tent Carpet posted:

I don't think I've read a single instance of someone deciding to 'open up' an existing monogamous relationship and it not end in total disaster.

The stories where it's one person in the relationship who just wants to gently caress around with someone else with zero repercussions or risks but then getting utterly devastated when they see their partner doing the same thing is drat near 100% of them

open relationships can work just fine I'm sure, but as PetraCore said - it was that way from the start

That's what all the poly people say on Reddit when somebody shows up and says "my partner wants to cheat and call it poly".

# ¿ Feb 28, 2020 19:29

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for �ruining� my sisters life by allowing her fianc� to look through photos of her in her wild college days?

quote:

My sister is 31 and is engaged. I�m 27 and her younger sister. We didn�t know her fianc� or really had time to meet him properly and get to know him so this past 2 weeks we�ve all been on a family vacation getting to know each other.

My phone is backed up to iCloud and I�ve got pictures from 2009 in there. I like looking back on all my pictures on a random here and there type basis AND I don�t delete anything since I have the storage space. I also have photos from other sources, eg if someone sends me a pic on WhatsApp it will automatically save and if I don�t pay attention I�m none the wiser since as soon as I open WhatsApp it�ll save itself to my photos without alerting me.

We were all chilling around the fireplace drinking wine and he wanted to see photos of her when she was younger. I didn�t (to my knowledge) have any �naughty� pics on my phone and so I had no problem with anyone going through my phone.

My own sister said �Chiara has sooo many photos on her phone I�ve sent her loads so look through hers�-I handed my phone over. He scrolled through and his face didn�t change so I didn�t notice anything was wrong.

It turned out he had typed in my sisters name in photos which brings up all the pics of my sister. She used to send us all naughty pics in the girly group chat we were in (all our friends did, 2011-2014 was a wild time for us all) Apparently he saw some stuff in there that showed sexual stuff and he thought twice about wanting to be with my sister.

She is blaming me by telling me I should have �vetted� the pics and deleted stuff, I told her I�ve had pics since 2009 and obviously if I see naughty stuff I�ll delete it but since she�s the one who sent it to me it�s on her not me. I have thousands of pics on my phone I can�t get every single one.

the photo was of her sister giving somebody a blowjob in a club

# ¿ Feb 28, 2020 19:49

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Worse. He was loud and obnoxious and complaining all the time about things like he didn't enjoy the Oscars with no host and he was losing the betting pool. Then he was furious that GREEN BOOK won, his friend disagreed, and he told the friend that his friend only liked GREEN BOOK because friend was a fatass and there was a cake in the movie.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2020 20:44

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

The update really makes this one.

AITA for interrupting a eulogy?

quote:

Title sounds way worse than it is. So I have a cousin, let's call him Joe. Me and Joe are about the same age, and we've always clashed. I'm the kind of guy who works hard, and I struggle to afford rent each month, while Joe's always had everything handed to him in life. He inherited a relatively successful bakery from his dad (my uncle, who died when we were 18), and he's never short of cash. He owns a yacht. I buy my clothes in charity shops, even though I work two jobs. He also has this real superior and arrogant attitude because of it.

My other cousin, let's call her Sarah, had her fortieth birthday two years ago. Me and Joe organized the party. I was on decorations, he was on food. I spent all day putting up banners and blowing up balloons even suffering an asthma attack but I didn't mind because family first. Joe on the other hand, went and ordered a Chinese takeaway. Which is one thing, but then he told all the guests that he had cooked it himself. And they believed him, which pissed me off massively. Nobody said a word about the balloons or the poster of Sarah I put on the hall door but apparently Joe's chicken foo yung is second to none? It was bullshit.

Joe died three weeks ago, just after his forty-fourth birthday. I'm so sad about it, and I wish it hadn't happened. At his funeral, Sarah gave the eulogy. It was actually a really nice little speech, and even Joe's fourteen year old son cried. But then she mentioned that party, and the lovely food Joe had cooked.

It was mostly grief taking over, but I was so mad. I muttered, "The lovely food the Golden Palace cooked, you mean." I said it quietly, but Joe's wife was beside me, and she got really bitchy and she said, "Do you have something to say?"

Sarah stopped talking and everyone looked at me, so I said, "He actually bought that food from a restaurant and passed it off as his own." Sarah and Joe's wife both started on me, and I had to leave the church for my own wellbeing.

I understand it sounds kind of bad. But I think it is bad to lie to your family, and Joe's wife goaded me into actually stopping the eulogy. So Reddit, am I the rear end in a top hat?

Edit- I don't know why everyone here thinks they are so much better than me when all I did was get bullied into sharing my feelings at an inappropriate time. Try seeing things from my perspective.

But you weren't supposed to tell me, the clearly right person, I was an rear end in a top hat.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 16:52

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for grilling steak in my vegan daughters frying pan?

quote:

My daughter is a vegan, I dunno how or why shes turned out like this but because of snow flakes I now need to adhere to pointless rules. She says that she doesnt want meat cooked in her special frying pans which she bought especially. I came home the other night with a rib eye and some veal. All the other pans were dirty and I seen hers and cooked the rib eye in it and she came down stairs and went crazy. I told her that i didnt raise her this way and as long as shes living under my roof Ill do what I want with out having to answer her. She kept giving me back chat so I through all her vegan poo poo in the bin and told her that this isnt the way the Goldsteins live. She called me a fat oval office and stormed out. I was so mad and shes going to get a telling off when she comes back. Before I tell her off i just want to see if anyone else thinks AITA?

AITA For being mad at my brother who just decided to get married one month before me?

quote:

Brother is getting married the month I was going to and I�m not very happy about it

Okay so I honestly don�t know if I�m over reacting but I�m pissed. Hear me out...I (31F) have been with my significant other for 13 years. We got engaged over a year ago. I�m sure you could imagine how excited I was when he finalllllly proposed. We have been planning on getting married this summer. We made it known to my family we just didn�t know what month quite yet. I�m great at leaving things to the last minute. I own 3 businesses and have very little free time to do anything not work related. Hence the slacking of planning on my part...but still it was known that we were going to get married this summer. Well my brother just met a girl almost a year ago and just proposed to her a week ago. Before he proposed I guess they already had a venue picked out (no she�s not pregnant idk why they did things backwards). He�s now getting married in July and I was planning on July but now I�m forced to do it in August.I�m super annoyed that our family is going to have to make two separate trips for both of our weddings. I just told him I�m kind of bummed out but there�s nothing that could be done because their venue is already booked and paid for. Am I over reacting or does this majorly suck?

"I chose not to make any plans but my brother's plan conflicts with my unspoken plan. He's the jerk, right?"

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 19:50

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Better Than You posted:

Someone call CPS

Throwing out all the vegan food is a dick move regardless. Anyway, mods have deleted it because they think it's a troll. And the person who posted about their wedding date has self-deleted.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 19:59

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

FormaldehydeSon posted:

lol well I mean it's obviously a troll

On r/relationships I tend to go with Poe's law.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 20:08

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Hobo Clown posted:

AITA: I asked my wife why she was putting a headband in my glove box

90% sure that's where he keeps his condoms and perhaps his panties.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 21:18

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Sandwich Anarchist posted:

Every recipe for everything should be by weight. A scale doesn't lie.

But fresh ingredients do. Flour and baking soda and even eggs are standardized (there are US federal standards for how big a "large" egg is). The clove of garlic I got this week? Seems to be less flavorful than last week's batch. Couldn't find cauliflower but could find broccoli? I can work with that. And don't even get me started on the wild variation in hotness between one serrano and another. When a European recipe says "fifty grams of tomatoes" and one of my tomatoes is 60 grams, the dish will turn out just fine. If I did the same thing with baking soda in a cake, brrr.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not cancelling Disney trip?

They shut down the fricking Louvre yesterday. This is not a good time to plan visits to amusement parks.

Arsenic Lupin fucked around with this message at 20:49 on Mar 3, 2020

# ¿ Mar 3, 2020 20:46

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

don't hit me, double post

# ¿ Mar 3, 2020 20:49

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

I did Botox for migraine, every 90 days, for about a year. Most of the shots go into the hair-covered parts of the head and into the neck and shoulders, but there's a line straight across above the eyebrows. Yes, my eyebrows did get immobile immediately after the shots, but that continued to wear off each time. It did (of course) diddly-squat for laugh lines, nasolabial folds, and so on. Didn't help with the migraines, so stopped. Can still wiggle eyebrows just fine.

Partner (27M) has high sex drive that's making him miserable. Am I (26F) his only solution?

quote:

We've been together for six years. Have two kids (one is five, the other is two). I'm currently on antidepressants and have the IUD.

I only want to get off once a week, at least. Sometimes can go longer, depending on circumstances (I suffer from exhaustion a lot, ongoing problem, no idea what's causing it)

He has a high sex drive, wanting it at least once a day. We've had countless arguments and it wasn't until he told me I was being selfish by going straight to sleep every night that it got me thinking. So now, I make sure to please him at least once every other day.

Problem is, blowjobs and hand jobs or just going in me doesn't always get rid of his frustration. He's said that now, he wants to make love or have 'proper' sex to get rid of it.

He can't masturbate, he's never been able to the whole time I've know him.

When he's frustrated, he gets miserable. It affects his mood, his sleep, and his attitude. It also disrupts my sleep, since he wakes me up in the night or mornings to try and come onto me repeatedly, even if I say no.

The thing is, it's stressing me out. Two kids to look after, a house to keep tidy, issues with my mental health. Sometimes I dread going to bed because I'm really not in the mood to do it, but I know I have to because I love it when he's happy, and doing it makes him happy. So in a way, I DO enjoy doing it for him, because it's making him happier as a whole.

It's not that I'm not sexually attracted to him, it's just that my body doesn't want it or I'm too exhausted or I just want to relax in bed and go to sleep.

(PS: As a side note, he has a problem with lasting long during sex or anything else, always has, not that it's a problem for me, but he hates it. Is that linked to his frustration?)

Am I doing the right thing? Is anyone else in a similar situation?

TL;DR: having to please partner once every other day is stressing me out because I don't always feel up to it and if I don't, there's a chance his frustration will build up and it makes him miserable

You don't understand. I Haaaaaaave to have sex or I will take it out on you! And, no, it has to be the right kind of sex. Not that kind.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2020 16:43

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Leaving aside all the healthier-than-thou poo poo, carrot cake isn't actually healthy. Leaving aside the standard cream-cheese frosting, carrot cake is full of oil and sugar; the fact that there are also carrot shreds is beside the point. The first recipe I found on a casual Google, which makes one nine-inch two-layer cake, has four eggs, 3/4 cup oil, 2 cups of sugar, plus 8oz cream cheese, 1/2 cup butter, and 2 more cups of sugar for the frosting.

I've always found it funny that carrot cake is the default "healthy cake" because in fact an angel-food cake is much, much healthier.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2020 20:39

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 03:40

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

ad090 posted:

AITA for letting my ex in-laws take my kids on lavish vacations that my step kids never get to go on?

It comes up in the comments that the step-kids mostly live with their father and only come to their mother for holidays and summer. It isn't as if the "blended family" actually blends that much. I tend to agree with the people who suggest saying that the father's kids lost their mother at a young age, and that time spent with the grandparents is especially important both to the grandparents and the grandkids for that reason.

The step-kids are the father's step kids, but they certainly aren't the grandparents' step-grandkids; the families were blended when the children were already teenagers. This is really a hard one, but some expectations need to be laid down. Someday there will be inheritances, and the step-kids won't share those, either.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2020 23:20

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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