Tell me what a bad idea my weight loss plan is ITT

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Tell me what a bad idea my weight loss plan is ITT

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

As a typical goon, I weighed myself last week and I weigh 290 pounds when I am supposed to only weigh 190.

I am tired of feeling like this, but at the same time I am not willing to wait the 1+ year it is "supposed" to take to lose 100 pounds.

Thus my plan is to both simultaneously punish myself for becoming such a fatass and to lose weight fast by only drinking Slim Fast� brand shakes for the next month or two (however long it takes).

So far I am on day 6 of my Slim Fast�-only experiment. I do not feel hungry and in fact actually feel better. I am overall in a better mood than usual, and I don't really get cravings for anything.

According to the almond milk I am using and the Slim Fast� nutrition label, I am taking in 140 calories per shake. At 3 shakes per day, that's 420 calories per day total.

I believe this is not going to kill me because I take a vitamin every morning, and the Slim Fast� brand shakes are loaded with vitamins. So far no hair loss and no scurvy.

After 6 days I am now down to 281, so a loss of 9 pounds in 6 days.

I don't believe I am going to "gain it all back" when I get down to 190 because I plan on doing this for the rest of my life, 2 or 3 days per week. So Tuesday and Friday I will take in less than 500 calories, and the rest of the week I will eat whatever the hell I want.

I can update this thread with how much weight I lost if anyone wants. I am hoping to be 190 by September.

Anyway feel free to tell me what a terrible/great idea this is!

# ¿ May 12, 2020 15:11

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 16:18

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

bradzilla posted:

It's an extremely bad idea op. Your body will eventually go into starvation mode and you'll stop losing weight. Even if that somehow doesn't happen, you'll be malnourished and losing that much weight that fast will make you have loose skin that can only be removed by surgery. Suck it up and get on a healthy diet and exercise.

Will it still go into starvation mode if I don't feel hungry at all?

Also it's not like I'm taking in zero calories. I work in IT slave labor and clock in 16 hours a day typically so it's a very sedentary lifestyle.

I lost 100 pounds once before in the early 2000s and did not get loose skin, and I lost it very fast (I exercised 2 hours a day and only ate steamed chicken day in and day out) and I did not get loose skin. I think whether you are going to get loose skin is genetics somehow.

givepatajob posted:

How badly is this wrecking your bowels?

Also......lol

I poo poo a lot the first 2 days but now I'm normal in the poop department.

Big Beef City posted:

You don't just up and lose 100 fuckin pounds out of the blue by drinking shakes and decide "Well. This is it. This is how it's done."

That is not how it is done.

I know it's not. I just don't care. I do what I want babe, don't tread on me

# ¿ May 12, 2020 15:20

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

BIG-DICK-BUTT-gently caress posted:

I barely eat anything and I look the best i've ever looked. I average 1200 calories. Low calories are the only consensus way to improve lifespan.

Don't drink Slimfast shakes though lmfao. If you wanna use them as a crutch at the beginning fine but have an "exit plan"

I chose chocolate Slimfast because I have a bit of a sweet tooth and if I were going to fall off the wagon, it would be by eating an entire bag of Nestle chocolate chip morsels in one sitting. I also picked it because the Slim Fast guidelines are "two shakes a day and a sensible dinner" so clearly it's safe/ok if it makes up 2/3rds of your meals, I am just going a slight extra mile.

And using them as a crutch in the beginning is exactly what I am doing. I am anticipating only doing this for a month.

I got the idea because I talked to someone who had gastric bypass surgery and he said he lost like 70 pounds in 2 months and I asked him how the surgery does that and he said "because you can only have liquids for 2 months" and I thought "gently caress that poo poo I'mma save the surgery money and just do what they made him do, eat poo poo doc".

# ¿ May 12, 2020 15:34

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Ehud posted:

Make an appointment with a dietitian. You need somebody to teach you about nutrition and help you put together a plan that you can stick with.

I will as soon as I am at my goal weight.

I know me better than anyone (obviously). If I do what the doctors say and only lose 2 pounds a week I will never, ever bother to lose weight because that's way too slow and I will remain a fat slob forever.

Dog Kisser posted:

. Hell, make an enormous plate of fried onions and mushrooms or broccoli for stupidly low calories if you're craving something savory. It is possible to do, and you can do it.

I plan on eating stuff like this regularly when I hit my goal weight. I am going to be on extremely low-calorie restrictions 2 or 3 days a week so I can have a beer and some pretzels once or twice a week as well.

But I must ask...can you teach me the magic of being able to fry onions/mushrooms/broc while it not being fattening?

Big Beef City posted:

Don't post a thread about being fat asking about what a bitch you are for being stupid about fixing that and then act smug about how you totally like, don't care at all omg

I'm not being smug, I know this is an incredibly stupid way to lose weight. I just don't care that it's stupid. And I am not asking anyone to change my mind. I'm as stubborn as I am dense.

# ¿ May 12, 2020 15:40

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Icochet posted:

They wouldn't call it Slim Fast unless it made you slim fast. They'd get sued.

Exactly my logic

# ¿ May 12, 2020 15:45

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Blistex posted:

If you're planning on losing 100lbs, then you should probably be planning to lose it over the span of an entire year. That way you'll limit the loose skin to a minimum, and hopefully you'll teach yourself how to eat properly. If you try the Slim-Fast method (and actually stick to it), you're going to hit your target weight, then balloon back up as soon as you stop the Shakes.

1. Plan meals
2. Determine the approx calories in the food and the servings.
3. Prepare a serving size that meets your caloric needs, but doesn't exceed them.
4. Start planning walks and exercise.
5. Plan your day so that you don't end up watching TV before going to bed. That's when you're going to get bored or hungry, and eating before bed is the absolute worst thing you can do. Set an alarm for when you need to go to bed, and have your wifi turn off for an hour at this time or lock your phone out or something to make you get into and stay in a proper sleep cycle.
6. Don't have any non-essential food in the home. Snacks, candy, cereal is bad for some people. If your willpower is lacking (you're fat, it is) then don't have that poo poo in the house.
7. Establish a cheat day where you treat yourself to something "junk-ish". Maybe you get a Big Mac meal, maybe you buy a personal pizza, maybe you have an extra portion of Lasagna. Give yourself a reward day so you are less likely to fall off the wagon. Don't make your cheat day a day where you consume 7000 calories or something stupid like that. It's supposed to be a day that rewards your good practices and teaches you what a treat is like (a small something, not a garbage can full of junk food).
8. Make a graph or a visible chart that you use to track your weight. Something that will show you your progress so that you can see if you're falling off the wagon and then correct it.

Thanks, yeah I am going to do all of those once I lose the weight so I can maintain 190.

I don't think I will get loose skin because I am very tall and I never got loose skin the last time I did this but if I notice I am getting some I will stop this experiment immediately.

de_dust posted:

OP have you thought about getting a prescription for Dexedrine? Just pretend you have ADD.

Slimfast and dextroamphetamine would be a sure fire way to lose it. You won�t even feel hungry.

Is it the same as Vyvanse?

# ¿ May 12, 2020 17:19

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

got some chores tonight posted:

but honestly, if you touch computers for 16 hours a day, you might actually be autistic enough to induce an eating disorder, so this might actually work out (at least the lose 100 pounds part)

Yes I am on the spectrum. Also I have to touch computers 16 hours a day because my job is a nightmarish hell for which there is no escape.

# ¿ May 12, 2020 19:04

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

ANUSTART posted:

What if you ate plain vegetables and like a piece of fish or oatmeal, instead of the shakes... are they really good or what? Youre already denying yourself the pleasure of food, might as well get fiber and vitamins and poo poo from it.

The shakes are OK. It satiates my cravings for chocolate which is good.

Denying myself the pleasure of food is why this will work for me. Fish and oatmeal taste good and if I eat those I'll be back to eating entire jars of peanut butter by the end of the day. I'm a very all or nothing person.

If I eat a piece of fish my mouth is going to be watering all day, wanting a piece of steak or $5 bag of Doritoes.

frh fucked around with this message at 20:52 on May 12, 2020

# ¿ May 12, 2020 20:48

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Bum the Sad posted:

You should really do very low calorie keto instead of just very low calorie, you'll be less hungry

I'm honestly not hungry at all and haven't been all week. If I started eating chicken and bacon I'd be hungry 24/7,which is what I usually am.

# ¿ May 12, 2020 20:53

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Bum the Sad posted:

I feel you. I did the 400 calorie a day diet for like 2 months when I was younger(21 maybe) and lost 40lbs and dropped to 160. So I feel you, I did the exact same thing and was just fine.

I don't know if I could do it now in my mid thirties without some trick like Keto. They make Keto shakes.

https://slimfast.com/products/keto/shakes

You just generally feel better starving in ketosis, than starving normally.

I didn't know they made those. Thank you. Gonna order them so I don't end up like that one goon's dog

# ¿ May 12, 2020 21:21

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Devils Affricate posted:

Give us weekly progress reports, OP

With pictures!

I was gonna post daily

ShortyMR.CAT posted:

Hey op! I lost about 90lbs 4 years ago and kept it off. I did it the slow way op! Counted my calorie intake then cut that in half tried to not go over. Had my scheduled cheat days so i didnt go crazy. Blah blah blah.

Ya gotta eat something op! Breakfast is really important! I know it sounds super counter productive, but ya need some food in the morning. A lunch and a dinner. Some people do big breakfast with progressively smaller meals throughout the day or just plan out accordingly!

If I do it the slow way l will give up after three days

# ¿ May 12, 2020 21:58

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Colonel Cancer posted:

Jumping into a heavy workout schedule after being a sedentary computer toucher forever is a sure way to fail.

Luckily I have no plans to work out

# ¿ May 12, 2020 22:17

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

ANUSTART posted:

Alright so what are some foods you absolutely hate

Raw uncooked broccoli
Celery
Cucumber
Anchovies
Sardines
Licorice

That's about it

# ¿ May 12, 2020 22:37

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Edgar posted:

It's been another day OP, what's your status? My cheese, protein shake, and cheap hotdog diet. I lost 1.2 pounds.

279.7 lbs

# ¿ May 13, 2020 21:27

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Dixville posted:

My bf ordered pizza tonight. I'm just gonna have 2 slices, that is plenty. I don't need to binge and i don't feel the urge to tonight. But I'm gonna eat some dang pizza. I didn't eat much for breakfast or lunch either so as long as I don't overdo it I should be ok for the day.

Yeah I can't function like that. My mentality is either I would rather have 0 slices than 1 or 2. It's either four slices or nothing. Because one or two is still gonna make me feel like a fat poo poo and if I'm eating two slices of pizza I might as well also polish off that jar of peanut butter in the pantry.

I know it doesn't make sense but it's just the way my stupid rear end is.

# ¿ May 13, 2020 22:22

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Skratte posted:

Hey I lost 100 pounds in less than a year and it gave me loving kidney stones so watch out for that.

What's the correlation

# ¿ May 14, 2020 01:07

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

When I get to 190 lbs I am going to do everything intelligent recommended in this thread, such as weighing my food and counting calories. Until then, I will continue with experimental and dangerously stupid weight loss ideas that pop in my head.

The_Continental posted:

OP, you said you have no interest in an active lifestyle. You don't want to exercise. You will not lose weight, and will die from obeisity because you refuse actual change. You may even become a burden on others.

Use your body. Its the best thing youve got.

I work 16 hours a day. You're supposed to sleep 8 hours a day. When am I exactly supposed to exercise? I also have to fit in showering, shaving, and talking to my wife.

Speaking of which, she thinks this is a terrible idea but knows my personality and also knows this is the only way I will lose weight. However, she proposed a slight modification to my stupid experiment: every 7th day eat solid foods and eat whatever I want. I'm big on fried chicken, chicken wings, cheeseburgers, garbage like that. So she said every 7 days I should eat all that poo poo. This way, my body will at least get some carbs/protein, and I'm not going to really put on that much weight (if any) by eating like poo poo once a week and then having 420 calories the rest of the week. Plus it will be like a "treat" or "light at the end of the tunnel" every week, making me more likely to stick with the Slim Fast shakes the other 6 days.

I am contemplating it. I could really go for some habanero wings right about now.

# ¿ May 14, 2020 18:16

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

pentyne posted:

Instead of gorging yourself on fried chicken, cheeseburgers, fried wings for one day, spread it out during the week. A single cheese burger is 300-500 calories assuming meat, cheese, bun, and not a half cup of mayo or bacon. Dumped the fried for baked, portion it out etc. Reveling in bad eating habits 1x a week will undo a lot of accomplishment.

Because otherwise if you're plan is hugely restrict calories, gorge yourself on day 7 I can't really see that working. The only people who have 10,000 calorie cheat days are the people working out 3 hours a day.

Nah it wouldn't be a 10,000 calorie cheat day. Closer to maybe 3,000 calories; 2,400 of which would come from one big meal at a restaurant or with take out with the family.

# ¿ May 14, 2020 20:17

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

274.6 lbs

# ¿ May 16, 2020 17:05

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

PostNouveau posted:

There's a check-in thread if you want to join in

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3908764&pagenumber=1

I will do that from now on. Thanks!

# ¿ May 17, 2020 04:17

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Because eating Veggies (or anything solid) will make my stomach rumble like crazy and I'll be way more likely to cheat because I will be so hungry

# ¿ May 17, 2020 04:46

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Enfys posted:

I can see your possible logic if you think that by giving yourself permission to eat solid food like broccoli, you'll just end up binging on garbage instead of eating any vegetables, so better to cut all actual food out.

This is exactly it

# ¿ May 17, 2020 17:58

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 16:18

frh: Dec 6, 2014; Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

I'm losing weight and feelin' great

# ¿ May 26, 2020 16:49

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Tell me what a bad idea my weight loss plan is ITT