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BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

The term screw the pooch means to make a large embarrassing mistake. (Reputable source here.)

There are many, many ways to screw the pooch. Here are some that just sprang to mind:
  • Gangbang the greyhound: Regrettable group idiocy.
  • Pull the pit bull: Quickly performed misbehavior that nonetheless will be remembered with embarrassment long after.
  • Split the Chihuahua (aka split through the shiatsu): Make a small but very messy mistake, requiring an inordinate amount of cleanup for its size.
ITT, coin your own variations of screw the pooch. If nothing springs to mind, sit quietly and trawl your memory for some of those acts you'd rather forget. Or if you dare, ask friends, family, work colleagues or other goons to remind you of them.

State your 'screw the pooch' subtype (as in the list above), and optionally mention what foul behavior of yours made you think of it.

Here's a list of dog breeds to help you:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dog_breeds

The last time I screwed the pooch was just now, by creating this thread.

No real life anecdotes about having sexual intercourse with actual canines pls, tia.

BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 05:46 on Jun 6, 2020

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pooch516
Mar 10, 2010


The_Continental
Jan 13, 2019

My god, Winston, is that infernal sun still giving my buttocks that entirely too cool smirk?!


"loving the neighbors dog" is when you have a few too many Negronis, hop the fence, and take my neighbors dog to pound town.

Previa_fun
Nov 10, 2004

Aww, so I had my slant on. Lay off me!


The ol' Morally Inept

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Fug the pug

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Pet the Shepherd - Sleeping (consensually) with someone who is an authority figure in your life. See also: making GBS threads Where You Eat

Giraffe
Dec 12, 2005



Soiled Meat

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Sniffing rear end - sniffing rear end

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019

This flaming skeleton is brought to you by the Buy Lowtax A New Spine Foundation.


Doodle the poodle

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Yams Fan

get screwed by the pooch - considered more embarrassing even thouh that's not fair because it's not your fault

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

Thanks for contributing, pooch screwers. I wonder which other goons are busy right now loving the French Spaniel or boning the basset.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

Icochet posted:

Sniffing rear end - sniffing rear end

I remember Cheech & Chong doing this to each other in one of their stage shows, while some poor member of European royalty watched with embarrassment from her balcony seat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HYyBmXwhFY

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Boffing the Basenji

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Sampling the dogshit

Cloner of the Elks
Jul 2, 2006




Dodging the doberman

Cloner of the Elks
Jul 2, 2006




Beating off the bulldog

(maybe this already exists, bulldogs can't mate naturally because their anatomy is all hosed up)

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

Forcing yourself sexually upon a dog and rightfully going to jail.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

Mooey Cow posted:

Forcing yourself sexually upon a dog and rightfully going to jail.

it's a harsh world, but you don't have to be ashamed of how you were born.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

it's a harsh world, but you don't have to be ashamed of how you were born.

i am proud and honored to be a son of a bitch.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun


Nap Ghost

buttmunch the basset hound

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

Party Time! Be excellent to each other.

Loden Taylor
Aug 11, 2003




I worked construction as a concrete laborer back in 1999-2001. "loving the dog" was construction worker slang for looking busy while not actually doing any work. I don't know if this phrase has stuck around.

Teketeketeketeke
Mar 11, 2007




Gravy Boat 2k

Pound the hound

Eff the Afghan (Effin' the Afghan)

Hump the husky

Masturbate the mastiff

Pork the Yorkie

Slam the samoyed

Bugger the Magyar Agar

Kai Kai the Kai Ken

Kai Kai the Klee Kai

Teketeketeketeke fucked around with this message at 14:41 on Jun 6, 2020

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Engage in sexual intercourse with a canine

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Please don't take the above post as an order. No one would do such a thing unless they were morally inept to the highest degree

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

Pullin' off the puli.

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Raw doggin’

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun


Nap Ghost

climbing up inside clifford's rear end in a top hat

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


My god what is that man doing to that giant red dogs giant rear end in a top hat

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002




Fun Shoe

there was thread recently where someone said 'hosed the dog' and sooo many people jumped on him like this guy actually wanted to gently caress dogs. it was very 2020 internet.

Macasaurus
Oct 12, 2012



The Walrus posted:

"..."hosed the dog"..."
get a load of this guy that wants to gently caress dogs

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

Calling out the dogfucker

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

I leave my TV on for security when I'm out, and am not particular about the channel. Arrived home just now to find an Australian cartoon on, with talking dogs in it. Not very entertaining as it happens (some dogs would say 'like this thread', but gently caress you), and I just caught the end so I don't know if there were any dog boners earlier in the episode. In any case, being a kids' cartoon they would not have referred to them as shaggin' the sheepdog or doin' a dingo.

Pumpin' the pup? We will not go there.

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BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

The Walrus posted:

there was thread recently where someone said 'hosed the dog' and sooo many people jumped on him like this guy actually wanted to gently caress dogs. it was very 2020 internet.

That's where I first heard the phrase, and I thank that dog fucker goon whose name I've forgotten for helping expand my vocabulary.

I don't have to worry about such moral quandaries myself, as I don't own a dog and other people's are too hard to catch.

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