|
*man in a suit carrying a briefcase gets in a SUV and drives off, observed through the scope* Mmm this is so good, mm yummy... *5 minutes later, my tactical flipphone starts vibrating violently* Huh? No, no he.................got away. Yeah........ *accidentally spills melted drops on the phone and is really sticky when I try closing it* |
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 02:49
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 26, 2024 16:20 |
|
|
listen, jimmy, the first time you mixed up the ice cream cone hand with the knife hand it was funny - the target all confused and you yellin whoopsy before your partner swooped in. but it's midwinter now so the cream doesn't even make sense, and the amount of times it's happened is making me think this is... something deeper. you okay jimmy jams?
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 02:58
|
|
|
the clock is ticking as i rush up the stairs. taking care of the guards took longer than planned, and if i am gonna make this shot i only have a few minutes before my window closes forever. i find the northeast corner of the roof and open the case for my... TRAVEL MARBLE SLAB AND MIXING SPOON.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 03:02
|
|
|
|
*jumps in front of lee harvey oswald with a cone in my hand* hey everybody check this out *sings into the single scoop like it's a microphone and also like green day* I WALK THIS ROCKY ROAD THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE IN MY CONE
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 03:04
|
|
|
*reach for my .45 but the dang paper they put around the cone didn't work at all and now my fingers are just sliding of the end of the handle and I have freakin' chocolate ice cream stuck down in the little crotch between all of my fingers*
https://giant.gfycat.com/SizzlingThickIbis.mp4 |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 03:19
|
|
|
A man sits inside an ice cream parlor, looking out the window with binoculars as he spies two men talking outside. The worm-like wrinkled ridges in his forehead deepened and furrowed his brows, knowing that they were up to no good. He lowers the binoculars and taps two fingers behind one of his ear, about to give a sitrep to his headquarters. "Well, what do you see? What do you see!? Agent, call in with your codename!" the voice on the earpiece shrieks hysterically. At that very moment, the waitress comes out and asks him what ice cream he would like. The man slowly turns his head over his shoulder, speaking loud and clear to both the waitress and the voice on the other end. "Mint. Mint Chocolate." ---------------- |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 03:28
|
|
|
EorayMel posted:A man sits inside an ice cream parlor, looking out the window with binoculars as he spies two men talking outside. The worm-like wrinkled ridges in his forehead deepened and furrowed his brows, knowing that they were up to no good. He lowers
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 03:35
|
|
|
|
Suave guy in a tuxedo: Two dips of cake batter with crushed Oreo. Topped, not mixed in. |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 03:50
|
|
|
This is it. My last job then I'm out. In my line of work you don't often get to retire so I know the job is gonna be big. Politician, movie star, someone high profile. I step inside the walk-in refrigerator. As I do I see Junior back by the cabbages. "Alright, J.R. what's so important that I have to freeze my rear end f..." I stop dead. The look on Junior's face is as green as the cabbages next to him. I walk over he hands me a manila envelope. I pull out the picture. "You're kidding, right? There's no way I'm doing this, man. I can't kill Ben and Jerry."
https://giant.gfycat.com/SizzlingThickIbis.mp4 |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 04:02
|
|
|
|
*Stares down my target as I point my ice cream cone at them and slowly lick my handgun*
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 04:07
|
|
|
I lift my rifle and close one eye. But I'm not closing one eye to aim, it's because I have brain freeze. Ouch ouch loving ice cream. |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 04:09
|
|
|
Slowy lowering a string into my sleeping victim's mouth with the intent of dripping a small bead of poison down the string but drat if I don't get my hands mixed up and end up dripping some ice cream soup down the string instead. The last thing the poor bastard will taste is tutti-fruti. We should all be so lucky.
https://giant.gfycat.com/SizzlingThickIbis.mp4 |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 04:16
|
|
|
|
me: target located me: *looking through scope at ice-cream stand*
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 07:53
|
|
|
|
Me: Vinny Costello sends his regards Me: *slaps target's ice-cream cone to the floor*
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 08:35
|
|
|
I hold up my rifle and squint. But I'm not squinting to aim, it's because I'm lactose intolerant. Ouch ouch loving ice cream. |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 10:04
|
|
|
i scream, you scream, my targets scream for ice cream
|
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 11:44
|
|
|
|
assassin into walkie talkie: mission accomplished, chief, I have tracked and destroyed the creamy, dreamy, gooey, ooey, irresistible surprise hidden in the centre of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s caramel core chief: you were supposed to kill— rear end: —do you wanna know what the surprise was? chief: ...no, just please kill the president. rear end: it was caramel. I know what you’re thinking, but hey, only 300 calories. chief: I wasn’t wondering that. rear end: how do they fit in all that taste? chief: please— rear end: —limited quantities. act now!
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 12:04
|
|
|
|
nut posted:assassin into walkie talkie: mission accomplished, chief, I have tracked and destroyed the creamy, dreamy, gooey, ooey, irresistible surprise hidden in the centre of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s caramel core
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 12:08
|
|
|
|
nut posted:assassin into walkie talkie: mission accomplished, chief, I have tracked and destroyed the creamy, dreamy, gooey, ooey, irresistible surprise hidden in the centre of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s caramel core
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 13:49
|
|
|
|
The man in black fled across the desert, and the coneslinger followed. |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 14:16
|
|
|
google THIS posted:The man in black fled across the desert, and the coneslinger followed.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 14:25
|
|
|
|
jimmy hoffa: so, i heard you 'ice cream paint job' houses? robert de niro: cream on the inside, clean on the outside
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 15:25
|
|
Stooge posted:me: target located ---------------- |
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 15:28
|
|
|
|
DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:jimmy hoffa: so, i heard you 'ice cream paint job' houses?
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 15:39
|
|
|
*sees the target's chopper take off* *loads four two-scoop waffle cones with sprinkles into missile launcher* See you in hell. 
https://giant.gfycat.com/SizzlingThickIbis.mp4 |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 15:54
|
|
DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:jimmy hoffa: so, i heard you 'ice cream paint job' houses? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wemk9uGsk8w
|
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 19:57
|
|
|
|
Leave the gun, take the gelato. |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 20:14
|
|
|
I hold up my rifle and close one eye. Then I rapidly blink and rub my eye as best as I can because there’s a god drat sprinkle stuck in it. Ouch ouch loving ice cream. |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2020 21:30
|
|
|
Detective at the scene of the latest ice cream killing: This guy likes to eat popsicles and leave the little sticks behind, sometimes he puts little jokes on 'em, no idea what we're gonna call him. *stares at a bloodstained popsicle stick that has WHY DID THE ANT RUN ACROSS THE CRACKERBOX written on it* Plucky young rookie: *snaps fingers* the creamsicle killer.
|
|
#
?
Jun 13, 2020 00:59
|
|
|
I lift my rifle and close one eye. I'm just beginning to aim, but then I start coughing. Oh, I'm choking! Who the hell puts bubble gum pieces in a frozen treat? Ouch ouch loving ice cream. |
|
#
?
Jun 13, 2020 01:04
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 26, 2024 16:20 |
|
|
i didn't forget which was the poison cone i just got hungry. tell my husband i love him.
|
|
#
?
Jun 13, 2020 21:11
|
|