gameboard piece ratings and tier-listing

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Prof. Crocodile

Name: Bill
Game: Guess Who?
Rank: A

A controversial pick to be sure. Bill was one of the most reliable tiles in Guess Who? for decades, and the star of their adverts. His racist meltdown on Twitter has overshadowed his in-game accomplishments in the eyes of some, but judged purely on performance he is the very definition of an A-tier gameboard piece.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 01:27

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 19:53

Prof. Crocodile

Musluk posted:

Name: Connect Four Red Piece #22
Game: Connect Four
Rank: C

Truly an average specimen, however this particular piece is notorious for falling behind the sofa and not being discovered for roughly 6 years, accumulating an impressive amount of dust for all plastic-kind to see.

They did not return our requests for an interview.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 02:23

Prof. Crocodile

nut posted:

Name: Katharine
Game: Life
Rank: S+

I'll never forget when I first met Katharine. Things were looking grim. I had just gotten married to Julia and we were struggling, trying to support our life in the Blithering Heights Mansion on my pittance as a down-on-my-luck Hair Stylist. The little savings I had left from my tax refund and being chosen to ride a rocket into space into space were dwindling. Worst of all, Julia had stopped talking to me, instead opting to sit quietly in the passenger seat. By my fifth turn, I had completely forgotten the sound of her voice--did she ever talk? Then, just as easily as we had started that snail farm, Julia appeared. The emotions surrounding her conception and birth were so wrought with emotion, I assume. Frankly, I can't remember them at all. I just remember turning around and, poof, there she was. But the change was important to me. I began happily glancing into the rear view mirror, watching the next in our great lineage grow into a woman. I liked to tease her with a, "We're not there just yet, hun!" She must have been embarrassed because she never teased me back much, instead opting to sit perfectly still and say nothing at all (just like her mother, I always said hah!). But she didn't need to say anything, she just had to be there. I love Katharine and I do still love Julia (I think). They mean the world to me.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 20:31

Prof. Crocodile

Name: Western United States (card)
Game: Risk
Rank: D-

Due to severe design flaws, this is the only card in the Risk deck that cannot be exchanged for additional armies. Additionally, due to what can only be termed a massive oversight, the Risk rulebook requires anyone who draws this card to tuck their shirt into their underwear and remain in this state for the remainder of the game while other players mock them.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2020 02:47

Prof. Crocodile

shame on an IGA posted:

Name: Trouble Guy
Game: Trouble, Pre-nerf edition
Rank: A-

Molded to perfection, this was exactly the right size to fit securely in my nostril but with a slick, flawless surface finish allowing for release and launch reliably at peak sneezing pressure. Ten yard ranges were not unheard of

Manifisto posted:

Name: Soary piece
Game: Soary
Rank: Canada

oh I'm soary, I forgot aboot bringing food to the game. would you like some maple syrup and poutine? oh I'm soary you don't like hockey, I'll put some curling on as we play. soary, you can't buy a health care plan, all our medicine is free. soary you can't bring your semiautomatic rifle to your son's elementary school. soary. soary! I'm so, so soary!!

# ¿ Aug 3, 2020 18:18

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 19:53

Prof. Crocodile

Name: You (the person reading this)
Game: The very world that you--in your misinformed arrogance--think you dwell comfortably within
Rank: Wouldn't you like to know...

Well well well, what have we here? Yes it's true! Your entire life is nothing but a game--a vast orchestration--through which you have been guided, step by step, from day one. By us. Oh spare me your histrionics! I can see right through those meaningless threats of yours, right into your very soul; you have always believed it would come to this...or at least feared that it would. To what end, you say? Oh that will become clear in due time, my friend. All too clear. Ha ha ha ha!

# ¿ Aug 4, 2020 03:54

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