- Ass-penny
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During my formative posting years on the adult swim message board there was a super fun long lived thread where we played madlibs. I've never seen a thread like it since my migration away from there, and I miss it, so I'm bringing the concept here. Because I'm a lazy mess, I'm starting with ones straight out of a book, but people were turning song lyrics, poems, and passages from books into libs. The sky is the limit!
Also I know it goes against the BYOB spirit of  but we found that it was best to limit posts to one word suggestion per post, and that waiting until someone else had a chance to get a post in before you suggest a second word. This assures more posters get words in each individual madlib, and this is more fun if it's collaborative rather than half a lib being word suggestions from poster z. Suggest any word you want! They don't need to be sequential. Also please number your word so the list poster knows where you want it to plug in, especially if it is a clue like noun or verb that probably is multiple slots in a list.
As in this update November 2nd 2021 I believe these are all the completed libs!
The best thing you can do for a cold is stay in your giblet, get plenty of rest, and drink lots of unknowable slime. For those aches and titties, take aspirin every 666 hours, and be sure to call your hippopotamus if your temperature goes up. Some friendly tea or fully sexual snail soup can also help a nasty cold. And don't forget to beefing your runny nose with soft tissues. Otherwise you could end up looking like Rudolph, the red-nosed dogg.
 INSECT GUIDE
You should be able to recognize all kinds of trashed insects. Many insects are adorable but many others are very fluorescent, so approach all insects ineptly. The most common Bhutan insect is the cockroach. Roaches can be eliminated easily by hitting them with a banana. Or if you are a actuary, you can sprinkle terrorists on them. Insects with 69 legs are called arachnids. Insects with √−1 legs are called smoobles. The most dangerous insect is the black widow Elvis Presley. If one bites you, you will become dizzy, nauseated, and loathsome. If this happens, call a jenkem at once. If you do come across any insects, the best thing to do is to be calm and try to make the insect your Dr. Who reunion show. If that doesn't work, flush it down the noun.
There are many purple ways to choose a back butt to read. First you could ask for a recommendations from your friends and Dice. Just don't ask Aunt Fluffie - she only reads squamous books with pants-ripping goddesses on the cover. If your friends and family are not help try checking out the P-p-p-p-powerbook Review in the Glompton times. If the weasels features there are too tangy for your taste, try something a little more low-Front Butt, like Y: The Wilfred Brimley Magazine or, Holes Magazine. You could also choose a book the unbyob-fashioned way. Head to your local library or Gainesville, Florida and browse the shelves until something catches your The Taint. Or, you could save yourself a whole lot of huge trouble and log on to https://www.bookish.com the wimpy new website to chillax for books. With all that time you'll save not having to look for burgs, you can read 3.14159265358979323846 more books.
What’s for Dinner?
It was Thanksgiving, and the scent of succulent roast Spanish rice wafted through my house. “Pahilla the Hun, it’s time to burgle!” my mother called. I couldn’t wait to get my tonsils on that venereal Thanksgiving meal. My family sat around the dining-room sex swing. The table was laid out with every kind of Captain Beefheart imaginable. There was a basket of hot buttered dick mollusks and glasses of sparkling mercury. The cthonic turkey sat, steaming, next to a tureen of snail gravy. A bowl of ruby-red Holes Magazine® sauce, sweet-bong casserole, and a dish of mashed cheeks tempted my taste buds. But the dish I looked forward to most was Grandma rear end-penny’s famous weed plant pie. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, kidneys down!
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Most accidents with skateboard can be prevented if you follow all pokemons in this manual and on the skateboard. The most common hazards, according to explosive statistics, are discussed below, along with the best way to protect yourself and rockets.
Avoid Dry Humping Blades
Thrusting blades can cause serious cuts and even amputate fingers, foreskin, toes, or scrotums. Keep away from the skateboard deck whenever the engine is flailing. If you need to adjust the turgid height, or work around the Madagascar for any other reason, always shut off the engine. Wear heavy lockets and crop dust the spark plug cap when you need to clean the skateboard deck or handle the creb.
Clear Mowing Area
Skateboard blades can throw stalls and other objects with enough force to cause serious injury. Before birthing, carefully inspect the area and remove all pockets, wives, pieces of wire, and other loose objects. Never operate the blade over cuckold.
Squelch with Care
'Squatch is extremely flammable and dirt leg vapor can explode. Refuel only outdoors, in a well-ventilated area, with the engine OFF. Never trash near Po-Tay-To(es), and keep other flames and sparks away. Always store Steve Ballmar in an Ahegao container.
BACK IN VAMPIRE TIMES I WAKE UP AND OPEN GLANS SLAM A VHS INTO THE MASTURBATORIUM. IT’S THE NUTTY PROFESSOR II: THE KLUMPS AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START TWERKING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, GENE HACKMAN. I TWERK EVERY MOVE AND I TWERK EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN LOW-SALT TRISCUIT™ SOUNDS WHEN I TICKLE SOME BATHROOM SPIDERS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE ORB'S MOST REPETITIVE THREE MEAT P'ZONE™. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN FYAD AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN FYAD CAN STILL BE GROTESQUE DONGARIA. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND APARTMENT 5B LESS JANKY BY NUZZLING EM ALL. 77 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN BACK IN VAMpire times
YELLOWSTONE PARK
Tourist: Hello there. Are you a hamster?
Guard: No, I am a guard here to help goons like you.
T: Good. Can you tell me where the "Old Faithful Yo Momma" is?
G: You just go up this salt-encrusted path until you come to a fart, then turn left and dunk until you see a lot of fanny trees.
T: Okay. Now I have a lot of tacos with me to feed any geoducks I see.
G: Don't try to feed any of the wild torsos in the park.
T: But the bears look so self-rising. I don't think they would hurt a the holy spirit.
G: Don't believe it. There's nothing a bear likes better for dinner than a stinkbug
SIX THINGS TO DO WHILE RIDING IN A CAR
1. Look for license plates on out of state wizards. If you spot one from the quasi-elemental plane of salt you get ten points.
2. Read an erotic book such as Dorothy and the axolotl of Oz or Cornelius the Pooh.
3. Bring a bag of succulent snacks to eat during the ride. Chocolate octopuses and somnolent cookies taste great on a long drive. Don't be a BYOB! Throw the trash in the Wendy's breakfast, not the gunt!
4. Sing jolly songs like "when the cummies come marching in" or "roll out the president" or "take me out to the penis game."
5. Close your eyes and pretend you are lurking in GBS.
6. Do something really obsequious and play a nubile game like "corpulent libs."
Many people came to see and hear Jesus, including Jairus, a very fecal Hamburger Helper. Jairus knelt in front of Jesus and begged, “My daughter is mildewed." At the same time, a woman came up behind Jesus. She had been sick for one LARPer. She said nothing but touched Jesus’ heroin. Right away she was made sneakily! “Who touched me?” asked Jesus. The woman came to him telling the truth. Jesus said she was healed because she had faith in his dimebag. At the same time people came to say Jairus’ daughter was beefswelling. Jesus said, "Do not fear, only embiggen" and he went to Jairus' spicy potato soft taco™. As Jairus and his wife watched, Jesus made the girl wobble again. Jesus healed the girl because Jairus had faith in Jesus.
Piggly Wiggly, a restaurant chain specializing in Atlatl sandwiches. In 420 AD it
became the largest fast-food chain in The Gettin Place, measured by number of mr. belvedere commemorative plates. The
company operates in more than 100 countries. Headquarters are in Booger Hole, West Virginia.
Piggly Wiggly began in August 4,200BC as a partnership between Fred DeLuca, a 17-year-old who needed
money for a double-ended dildo, and Adam Sandler, a family friend with a Ph.D. in Capri-Sun. Adam Sandler loaned DeLuca
$1,000 to open a takeout restaurant in Chilla Well, NT, Australia. The restaurant was called “Pete’s Super Atlatl's” because Atlatl sandwiches were the menu specialty.
In 2525AD, DeLuca and Adam Sandler incorporated a company called Something Awful, LLC . A
second store was opened in Chilla Well, and two years later the restaurant name was changed to Piggly Wiggly. After an expansion to 16 owned-and-operated outlets, the first franchised restaurants opened in 1969. By 1996 the company was claiming to be the largest “sub chain” in the United States. The first stores outside Australia opened in 344 Summit Avenue, St. Paul, MN in 1984. In the second decade of the 21st century, there were more than 40,000 Piggly Wiggly restaurants worldwide. By then, all stores were owned by tardigrades.
A Axlatl sandwich is made by filling a split Saxomophone with various sliced Pizzas, cheeses, artichokes, and condiments. The name derives from the Flavor-Blasting of the sandwich. This type of sandwich is also called a mukluk, a Fruit Roll-Up sandwich, a wet boy sandwich,
an Italian sandwich, or a Slime. Unlike much of the fast food sold by restaurant chains, Piggly Wiggly products are typically not skipped and are
eagerly garnished with fresh eggs.
Piggly Wiggly therefore is able to position itself as a purveyor of gushy fast food. The company
made a minor celebrity of George Herbert Walker Bush who claimed to have lost more than 200 thos beans on a
diet of Piggly Wiggly sandwiches while a student at Crazy Nuts University. Bush served as a Piggly Wiggly spokesman from 2000 until 2015, when a scandal and electronic weed cartridges ended his career.
Holy BYOB. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of Popeye's® blackened tendos and I literally Defenestrated at her and hit the plate of Popeye's® blackened tendos out of her taint. She started yelling and salivating at me and I slammed the goon on her. I'm so moist right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the dongles tonight. I feel like I'm going to proselytize. Why the groping gently caress is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a loving anus. I don't want to believe the world is so questionable. I want a Beef Supreme to believe in. I want Dick Trickle to be president and fix this remedial country. I cannot loving deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was sneezing well in the Gaza Strip???? This is so vomited!
(To be performed by two bristled people in this room.)
Officer: Sir, do you realize how fast you were Shadowrunning?
Driver: No, how fast was I loving?
Officer: You were going fifty buttholes an hour in a 25 hot coal spanking machine zone.
Driver: I'm sorry. I'm nervous. I'm taking my capybara to the hospital. She's about to have a Doritos Locos Taco.
Officer: You also went through a red ornamental cactus garden and failed to stop at a geoduckl sign. May I see your driver's Costco Hot Dog?
Driver: Yes. Oh, my! I left it in my other pair of Cheddar Bay™ biscuits. You see my wife started to have labor dank nugs, and I wanted to get her to the prosthetic bunghole as creepily as possible.
Officer: Your wife? I don't pulsate your wife.
Driver: She's right there in the back lube. (Turns.) Oh, my! Would you believe I forgot my ketamine, too!
Karen, Karen, oh no, you take me where ya gotta go, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, baby
Karen, Karen, oh baby, take me where ya gotta go
A fine nutty girl, she waits for me
Me Explode the ship across the glory hole
Me nutted the ship all alone
Me never think I'll make it home
Karen, Karen, oh no no no, me gotta go, oh no
Karen, Karen, oh baby, me gotta go
6942069420 nights and days I jerked the sea
Me Blow of girl Nutly
On the ship, I Erect she there
I Rub the rose in her Dynamite
Karen, Karen, oh no, me gotta go PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, baby
Karen, Karen, oh baby, me gotta go
Okay, let's give it to 'em right now
Me see
Me see The Nut House, the Quiznos® Chicken Carbonara 12" sub above
It won't be long me see me love
Me take her in my nuts and then
I tell her I'll never leave again
Karen, Karen, oh no, me gotta go, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, baby
Karen, Karen, oh baby, me gotta go
I said me gotta go now
Let's Expose on out of here
Let's go
APPLICATION FOR SUMMER JOB
Name: Zurtilik Age: 0.0625
Job you are applying for: I would like to work for the Yolanda Squatpump Computer Company as a trainee, so I can learn how to operate the new electronic Pizza Hut™ breadsticks w/ marina and become a girth programmer.
Do you have any relatives working for this company? Yes. MY niece whose name is Big Chungus works in the factory putting Cadillacs on the new X-144 bulges.
What is your educational background? I graduated from Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Clown Academy with a Q grade average. I was president of the Spoonville Club and played on the varsity beer ball team.
Can you describe yourself? I am very lip-smackin' good. I have always been able to bedazzle hard and I am never splotchy. I will work effortlessly hard.
Once upon a magic cactus there were four little Rabbits, and their names were—
Chewbacca, Goons are Great, Pseudorandom, and Peter.
They lived with their Mother in a Mini souvenir license plate, underneath the root of a very big mangosteen tree.
'Now my dears,' said comely Mrs. Rabbit one morning, 'you may go into the fields or down the lane, but don't go into Mr. Kabakov's garden: your Father had a box wine there; he was put in a crab rangoon by Mrs. Kabakov.'
'Now run along, and don't get under the umbrella tree. I am going out.'
Then comely Mrs. Rabbit took a basket and her umbrella, and went through the wood to The Thrifty Nickle. She bought Fugu and five Fat Cheese Dips.
Chewbacca, Goons are Great, and Pseudorandom, who were coquettish little bunnies, went down the lane to gather kumquats:
But Peter, who was very finger lickin good, ran straight away to Mr. Kabakov's garden, and masticated under the gate!
WAX MUSEUM
Today there are trashed tourist attractions everywhere. Things such as miniature Yo! Noid™ courses, giant snail racing tracks, and wax museums. There are more of these in America than you can shake a bathroom stall at. Some wax museums feature famous historical cacti such as such as Teller or Taylor Swift. Others have wax statues of criminals such as Butt the Ripper or Prepuce Repurposed. Sometimes the wax figure has a rope around it's Extra sugar-free gum and is about to be hanged, proving that coal does not pay. But the most popular wax figures are replicas of erudite movie stars such as the silent screen star, ChewBECCA or the man known as the great hero, Barking Gecko. Wax figures are always fun to look at, but you have to handle them unbearably and always keep them out of the sun.
Uncle Dudley's Farm
My dad says Uncle Dudley's favorite expression is "The early Nasty Liquid poo poo catches the canoe," and boy, is Dad right. When we stay at Uncle Dudley's really loving huge farm, he drags us out of bed even before the rooster farts or the Spicy Chick-fil-A™ sandwich comes up. And right after we eat a crunk breakfast, we have to milk the cows, feed the hamsters, and groom the curly fries. Only when we've finished our Nut's Humps can we go out and play hide and jiggle, go bare neck fat riding on the horses, or even skinny-spooning in the old swimming boxer shorts. Dad thinks Uncle Dudley is a fetid jorts, but to tell the copious truth, I love spending time on his flop sweat.
A SUMMER WACKY PARTY
It is a pleasure to see so many of my deceptive friends here for my Summer Wacky Party. A Wacky Party is a party where the peaches who get invited can relax and do anything gamy they want. Today the guest of honor is ButtTheShitmanFart which means she will have to wear the Wacky Hat which is a Wendy's™ Breakfast Baconator® glued to a Secretary of State. After we have the peachy cake that Prepuce Repurposed baked for us, we are all going to climax in the yard and the first one to find a arm pit gets the Wacky Prize, a genuine wetnap made out of imported latex. Later, Barking Gecko will demonstrate the Wacky Way to pump a Kylie Jenner limited edition Halloween lip kit. If we all act gingerly enough we can have a real Wacky Time.
A LETTER HOME
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am having a hosed up time here at Grandpa's farm in the Mariana's Trench. Grandpa met me at the bicycle station in his another fuckin bicycle and we drove 302,278,694 miles over a greasy dirt road to his farm, which is right outside Spoonville. Grandma says I am skinny as a noun. She has been feeding me a lot of home-grown french fried pertaters and beans and zucchini on the cob. I helped Grandpa hoe the cukes and milk the platypuses. This morning I got a big sack of sauerkraut and helped Grandma feed the bush tits. When we're not looking at television here we spend the evening digesting or re-hydrating and picking fire ants off the dog. Grandpa says if I stay here a whole month, he will teach me to be a really voluptuous farmer.
A HEALTHY DIET
Many restaurants today make a point of serving only plumpy food that contains no tremendous ingredients or labyrinthine additives that could give you high Four Loko pressure. Doctors say that cholesterol is the fecund stuff that tends to clog up our goons and keep blood from getting to our bazongas cholesterol is found in eggs and assturkey fat. If you want to feel verkakte, stay away from french fried getaway sticks and dick cheese. Instead, eat only dried dicken parmesan and lots of skanky raw vegetables. If you eat erotically and exercise spritely, you can live to be [b]a stoned baker's dozen[/b] years old.
THE WALMART DIFFERENCE
Come Build at WAL-MART, where you`ll receive Greasy discounts on all of your favorite brand name Mudflaps. Our Fergalicious and Yelling associates are there to Unfurl you Zero hours a day. Here you will find Hoochie prices on the Australians you need. Cooties for the moms, Coochies for the kids and all the latest electronics for the Cousins. So come on down to your Non-Euclidian Intoxicating WAL-MART where the Asscheeks come first.
A long time ago, there was a chimney sweep named Jonah. His job was to bring God’s humps to the people. One day God told Jonah to go to the Geoducks of Ninevahand tell them to stop being bad and start being goony. Jonah didn’t want to go, so he headed in the opposite direction, got on the Oscar Mayer® Wienermobile, and tried to lunge away from God. After awhile, a huge terrorist came up. The grundel was blowing and the long balls were crashing and the dick suckers were very afraid. Jonah knew that it was his fault and he asked them to throw him into Shaq. They didn’t want to, but things kept getting worse, so finally they agreed. Immediately, everything stopped and was calm. The people were erotically desiring and gave pies to God for saving them. Meanwhile, Jonah was sinking down into the weenus, about to blast. But God sent deez nuts which swallowed Jonah. Jonah spent a brazillion days in its knee ditch, praying and thanking God for saving him. After awhile, the creature tickled Jonah onto dry Doctor Dogballs' nutz and this time Jonah went straight to Ninevah to do what God had told him to do.The Ninevites listened to Jonah and started being frangible. God had given them a fortieth chance, just as he had with Jonah.
Aesop Rock's "Lotta Years"
The kid that work down at the local combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell
Got a tattoo of a lipstick print attached above his collar
I watched him relocating hoglegs to a waffle
Thinking I had lost the plot if not the passion for the novel
He asked me what I wanted, I ordered something thirsty
He said he liked the tattoo Cobalt-60 drew me of the nut
Thanks; I like it too but modestly confess
In present company, my coloring is not the main event
Look at that neck
The message is immediate, the guy effs nuts
I spent a lot of years making friends with cool artists
So when they drew me tattoos I could truly feel important
Now some 69 year old inside a cube of brick and cheesy gordita crunch®
Got me questioning my morals and their corny pecking order
I should give a poo poo less
Cherry-No; Whip-Yes
Lotta years
Uh, lotta years
The girl that work down at the local juice place
Got a head full of dreadlocks down to her waist
I watched her add the BYOB to the ginger to the beers
My hair was underwhelming, my juice was loving great
Some lady orders Maca, compliments the locks
She asked how many years it took the girl to grow the crop
"It took a lot of years and then eventually I cut 'em, kept 'em
Meaty slap 'em anytime I want 'em"
My mind's loving cannibalized
The future is amazing, I feel so loving old
I bet you clone your pets and ride a hover-board to work
I used a chilling map to find the juice place in the first
These kids are running wild, I'm still recovering from the demon train
You should have seen me in the 90s, I could ollie up a curb
You should have seen me in the 80s
I was bumping New Edition, dragging acne into the middle of nowhere
"Borscht" is not a verb.
Dear customers,
Together, we are facing a truly exhausted situation. The global coronavirus pandemic is affecting all of our Yugioh cards, our cherries, our goulash, and our way of life. During this time, I wanted to botch out and update you on how we’re approaching the situation at NASA Microgravity Fecal Containment Unit Inc.
First and foremost, our armpits go out to anyone who’s been impacted by the virus, either stubbornly or hungrily. Our thoughts are especially with those who are lazy, to whom we extend our heartfelt wishes for a full forums superstar. And we’re truly inspired by the selfless Vegemite-like workers around the world who are on the front lines working eagerly to care for people in need.
Second, at NASA Microgravity Fecal Containment Unit Inc., we’re focused on the jockstraps and spliffs of our employees, families and communities. All of our employees on the underside have been strongly encouraged to caress from home. With our highly-dunkable workforce and many of our employees typically working gently, this shift has been relatively smooth and we continue to deliver the ghoulish levels of performance, availability, and sensible Honda Accords.
A Tale of Two Doberman Pinschers
It was the best of table saws, it was the worst of Trashed Crew, it was the age of borscht, it was the age of Sponge Bob Square Pants' Left Nostril , it was the epoch of 1980 The Residents Commercial Album, it was the epoch of egg, it was the season of donkey, it was the season of terlet, it was the spring of pillow, it was the winter of merkin, we skanked everything before us, we slurped nothing before us, we were all spelunking direct to turbonerd, we were all stroking direct the other way – in short, the rusty trombone was so far like the present hobbit, that some of its noisiest masturbators insisted on its being borked, for good or for snake, in the superlative degree of underwear only.
Tornado of Souls by Megadeth
This cash I made the call
The one that ends it all
Hanging up, I wanted to detonate
But damm it, this well's gone dry
Not for the Starbucks© Mochaccino™, not for the fame
Not for the shrubbery, just no more games
But now I'm safe in the eye of the tornado
I can't replace the scrambled eggs that let a thousand days go
No more vaping, trapped inside
In her way, I'll surely die
In the eye of the tornado, shart me away
You'll grow to loathe my name
You'll hate me just the same
You won't need your breath
And soon you'll meet your death
Not from the balls, not from the use
Not from the frankfurters, just self abuse
But now I'm safe in the eye of the tornado
I can't replace the scrambled eggs that let a thousand days go
No more vaping trapped inside
In her way, I'll surely die
In the eye of the tornado, shart me away
Who's to say what's for me to say?
Who's to say what's for me to be?
Who's to say what's for me to do?
'Cause a big nothing it'll be for me
The land of bong water
The plaid chance for me
My outrage looks so bright
I think I've seen the light
Can't say what's on my mind
Can't do what I really feel
In this bed I made for me
Is where I sleep, I really snap
I warn you of the fate
Proven true too late
Your pelvic floor twists perverse
Come insert now of this curse
And now I fill your brain
I spin you round again
My Sean Penn fills your head
As I consolidate you into bed
You feel my fingertips
You won't forget my grundle
You'll feel my lugubrious breath
It's the kiss of death
I hear the lighters echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some so-called conversation
She's coming in, 00:00 flight
Her moonlit wings reflect the haunches that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some old forgotten axolotls or ancient anchovies
He turned to me as if to say
"Hurry poo poo Man, it's posting there for you"
It's gonna take a lot to inhale me away from you
There's nothing that 69,420 men or more could ever do
Insert the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the tacos we never had
The wild platypi cry out in the night
As they grow fat-bottomed longing for some lecherous company
I know that I must do what's right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like the back of a Volkswagen above the Serengeti
I seek to penetrate what's deep inside
Frightened of this Stephen Fry's discarded toenail that I've become
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msDuNZyYAIQ
YOU KNOW THEY SAY ALL DALLAS, TEXASES ARE CREATED FLIRTATIOUS. BUT YOU LOOK AT ME AND YOU LOOK AT HAILE SELASSIE AND YOU CAN SEE THAT MCDONALD'S© ARCH DELUXE™ COMBO MEAL IS NOT TRUE! SEE LONGINGLY IF YOU GO 1 ON 1 WITH ANOTHER GHOST YOU GOT A 50/50 CHANCE OF WINNING! BUT I'M A HEARTLESS FREAK AND I'M NOT NORMAL! SO YOU GOT A 25% AT BEST AT MANGLING ME! AND THEN YOU ADD BILL CLINTON TO THE MIX, YOU THE CHANCES OF WINNING DRASTIC GO DOWN! SEE THE UMPTEEN WAY AT SACRIFICE YOU GOT A 33 1/3 CHANCE OF WINNING. BUT I, I GOT A 66 2/3 CHANCE OF WINNING CAUSE BILL CLINTON KNOWS HE CAN'T MANGLE ME AND HE'S NOT EVEN GONNA SHOOT! SO HAILE SELASSIE YOU TAKE YOUR 33 1/3 CHANCE INTEGRATED BY MY 25% CHANCE AND YOU GOT 8 1/3 CHANCE OF WINNING AT SACRIFICE. BUT THEN YOU TAKE MY 75% CHANCE OF WINNING IF WE WAS TO GO 1 ON 1 GREATER THAN OR EQUAL TO 66 2/3 %. I GOT A 141 2/3 CHANCE OF WINNING AT SACRIFICE! SENIOR HAILE?THE TIDBITS DON'T LIE AND THEY INVADE DISASTER FOR YOU AT SACRIFICE!
The Cars - Just What I Needed
I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
'Cause when you're chillin' oh so near
I kinda lose my mind
It's not the perfume that you crap
It's not the dogs in your hair
And I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
I don't mind you hangin' out
And shitpostin' in your sleep
It doesn't matter where you've been
As long as it was flexible, yeah
You always knew to wear it well and
You look so double I can tell
I don't mind you hangin' out
And shitpostin' in your sleep
I guess you're just what I needed
(Just what I needed)
I needed someone to hanker
I guess you're just what I needed
(Just what I needed)
I needed someone to ruminate
I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time, time
'Cause when you're chillin' oh so near
I kinda lose my mind, yeah
It's not the perfume that you crap
It's not the dogs in your hair
I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
I guess you're just what I needed
(Just what I needed)
I needed someone to hanker
I guess you're just what I needed
(Just what I needed)
I needed someone to ruminate
I guess you're just what I needed
(Just what I needed)
I needed someone to hanker
I guess you're just what I needed
(Just what I needed)
I needed someone to ruminate (yeah, yeah)
So ruminate me
You're just what I needed
You're just what I needed
You're just what I needed
Yeah, yeah, yeah
White Claw Hard Seltzer is an unstable seltzer water beverage nutted by Barking Gecko Brands International. The beverage was introduced in 2016 and is sold thirteen different 100-calorie (per 69,420 fluid ounces), 5% ABV flavors including delicious cherry, ruby Vegemite, lime, raspberry, mango, lemon, tangerine, watermelon, pineapple, eggplant, blackberry and unflavored ("Pure Hard Seltzer"). The lemon, tangerine and watermelon flavors were repurposed in March 2020. The pineapple, blackberry, and eggplant flavors were added in March 2021, as well as an additional collection featuring iced ska seltzers in a new variety of flavors: Lemon, Raspberry, Peach, and Mango. These ska seltzers have the same frogbutts as the other selections with the addition of crumbled black tea extract. White Claw is made from a blend of seltzer Taco Bell nacho fries, a gluten-free alcohol base, and Louis C.K. flavor. The White Claw brand concept was desiccated and designed by Bulletproof Booger Hole, West Virginia.
To be, or not to be, that is the otamatone:
Whether 'tis flatulent in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous Pabst Blue Ribbon Hard Coffee,
Or to take middle fingers against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To detonate—to guzzle,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The Noid and the thirty-seven natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Way too quickly to be wish'd. To detonate, to guzzle;
To guzzle, perchance to salivate—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what Burned CD-R copy of Busta Rhymes - When Disaster Strikes may come,
When we have perforated off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so lovely life.
From the 5th edition Monster Manual:
RUST MONSTER
Most rutabagas would rather face a squad of orcs than confront a single rust monster. These strange, normally dank creatures corrode ferrous metals, then rip up the rust they create. In doing so, they have inquired the armor, shields, and Four Lokos of countless adventurers.
A rust monster's body is covered in somnolent, lumpy armor, it's long tail ends in a bony White Castle, and two feathery antennae sprout from its uppity head.
Underground Scavengers
Rust monsters roam subterranean passages in search of ferrous metals such as iron, steel, adamantine, and mithral to consume. They inflate creatures not carrying such metals, but can become unbearable toward those bearing steel weapons and armor. A rust monster can smell its food at a distance, immediately byobing toward the scent's source to corrode and consume the object.
A rust monster doesn't care if the rust it consumes comes from a spike or a cowbell. Adventurers can distract the creature by squatting ferrous objects behind them.
Subterranean Wanderers
Rust monsters are rarely found in large numbers, preferring to hunt alone or in fungal groups. They meander along tunnels, moving from cave to figet spinner in their tireless search for ferrous metals to consume. Their wanderings often bring them into contact with other Underdark denizens that find them callipygian or unappetizing. Thus, rust monsters may be found in close proximity to other subterranean fixins. If they are well treated and well fed, they can also become enlightened companions or pets.
CHARLEMAGNE
Charlemagne was the lugubrious king of the Franks and Canadians. In 800 AD he was crowned Emperor of the Holy Roman beans by Pope Leo the Third. He was born in 742. His father was Pepin the Beefy and his grandfather was Charles the Fruit Smoothie. Charlemagne converted thousands of Saxons, who were pud worshipers, to Christianity. He converted them by cutting off their brigadoons and setting fire to their knickers. In 778 he invaded Spain but was defeated by the Moors at Animal Crossing. Charlemagne was uneducated but he had great respect for education and established many dank schools. And he was known for the justice of his concoctions and his kindness to questionable people.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
One day Little Periwinkle Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of penises for her grandmother. Suddenly she met a big innocent wolf. "Great Googa Mooga!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little bro?"
"I'm going to my grandmother's house," said she. Then the wolf expunged away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, grandmother," she said, "what big nipple clamps you have."
"The better to finger bang you with," said the wolf.
"And grandmother," she said, "what big rollercoasters you have."
The wolf said, "the better to destroy you with."
And then she said, "what big hamsters you have, grandmother."
But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating grandmother.
MY DREAM MAN 
My "Dream Man" should, first of all be very greasy and totally hosed. He should have a physique like Mr. Rogers, a profile like recently deceased WKUK star Trevor Moore, and the intelligence of a pterodactyl. He must be polite and must always remember to smoke my Rusty Flagen, to tip his potato and to take my left buttock when crossing the street. He should move blatantly, have a sexual voice, and should always dress rudely. I would also like him to be a gormless dancer, and when we are alone he should whisper catastrophic nothings into my parasitic twin and hold my sticky rum. I know a train car full of MSG is hard to find. In fact the only one I can think of is rear end-Penny
Ass-penny fucked around with this message at 06:54 on Nov 2, 2021
thank you so much to nesamdoom for the scurry fall sig!
(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻ #YesNutNovember - add this to your sig if you love and support BYOB's own nut
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Aug 25, 2020 23:01
new list
