SA's Greatest Sagas: "You know who can help with this? The pig balls website."

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > SA's Greatest Sagas: "You know who can help with this? The pig balls website."

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CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Keru posted:

"NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP, DAD" didn't actually happen on the forums, but is adjacent to it. Back in the day when GBS-FM was still new and had a large userbase, there was a member named Kuuenbu. Kuuenbu is genuinely autistic and has severe issues with a) anger, b) modulating his voice and c) really loving loves metal, like too much. At the time, GBS-FM had radio DJ slots on the weekend where a user could run a show for an hour or so, playing whatever they liked and talking in between; most of the time this was great and we had some really good and chill shows.

Kuuenbu was for the most part okay, just very loud and way too enthusiastic about metal, to the point anything that wasn't metal "wasn't music". One weekend, he'd mistakenly taken someone else's slot on the dj rooster, and instead of going "oh, my bad, I'll back out and you can take over and we'll figure out something to make up for the time I accidentally took, given his issues he had a meltdown. I'll admit, since I was around for it and in the IRC-channel for the station, we did our best to egg him on because 00's goons didn't exactly have good graces, which definitely made it much worse than it should've been.

The audio in the youtube is about midway through, by that point he'd started freaking out hard because people were voting his show 1, his dad comes in and tells him to please stop screaming so loudly at which point "NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD" happens. Kuuenbu still hung around after the incident and despite all our best efforts to get him to a place where he'd manage to start talking in an indoors voice, it fell on deaf ears and he slowly drifted away. Last I heard he was a raging racist because why not?

I believe he got helldumped at some point, but I never read that forum so I don't know how true that is. There's no real thread about him, unless someone can dig up the ancient GBS-FM thread from around 2004-2006, or look around in NME, since he posted a lot about The Loudness War in the metal thread there.

Overall, the main consensus from those of us who talked to him is that he never had any real chance because his dad is as bad as he is and his mom is "my precious angel never do anything bad", so he's never gotten any professional help.

Someone took the original audio where it cuts out and even though he muted the mic evidently the speakers picked up some of the sound and Kuuenbu is just screaming at the top of his lungs. I don't have it and I don't want it because it was genuinely scary.

Jiru posted:

Some blurry knowledge, so maybe someone else can fill in the gaps:

"Mermaid Shelly" was part of a group and made incredibly well-made mermaid costumes, for unclear purposes. She wouldn't stop talking about mermaids (I think that was the isssue) though, and at some point she got mod-challenged to snap some pics of herself as a mermaid, sporting that exact phrase on a visible part of the pic, or get banned. She was an incredible good sport about that, and did a SA photoshoot with her costume near a pool, which won her the thread.

Actually the thread was started by Sponrad where he posted her webpage in a "Hey look at this weirdo" way and everyone in the thread was "That's fine, she's doing something she likes" and then the Mod challenge was actually for everyone else to dress as a mermaid holding a "Sponrad is better down where it's wetter" sign to get a probe or ban for Sponrad. Mermaid Shelly noticed the traffic to her site, signed up to say Hi, and then took part in the challenge. At some point the challenge included "in a mermaid outfit while holding a fat blunt" but she went classy with the long cigarette holder.

Later she took part in a mod challenge where people had to hold things on their head. That thread also had Shine holding a cat on his head but all of the comments were about his rockin quads and later he became mod of the workout section of YLLS.

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 22:30 on Aug 30, 2020

# ¿ Aug 30, 2020 22:25

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 22:24

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

El_Elegante posted:

get a knife block

# ¿ Sep 7, 2020 00:00

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

One More Fat Nerd posted:

Kinda wild to think of the current politics of the general forum and realize that old d&d (2006-7, i think?) was full of genuine Ron Paul lovin' Ben Shapiro prototypes. I think i say this in every version of the sagas thread, but its pretty amazing how much Helldump and LF changed the forum, and a big part of it was giving people a space to call out Debate Club Libertarian Contrarians as bigoted assholes. Specifically, a space where they weren't governed by debate club style rules and modded by other Debate Club Libertarians.

As someone who was one of those Debate Club Libertarians in the early 2000s I sincerely apologize for the dumb poo poo coming from my keyboard back then. I'd like to think I got better.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2020 22:52

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Was Zybourne "developed" in an actual thread or was all the work actually done in PMs/off-site. Every story I've heard about it has been second-hand.

Quarter actual thread, quarter off site, half FYAD and Ingwit just going HAM on the lore and writing the 4 balls on the edge of a cliff section. Seriously, it wasn't much of anything but then Ingwit wrote a bunch of fanfiction of a game that didn't really exist and then an artist working for Valve did amazing art and it became a thing.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2020 23:01

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3vP6DqBkHA

# ¿ Sep 15, 2020 13:19

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Also mass banning people while Lowtax still owns the place seems like a bad choice

e: does anyone have the old post about God-King Hussein I Obama and his dancewalking posse forcibly vaccinating a patriot prisoner?

That patriot prisoner is forum goon kylejack

--------------

King Hussein Obama I, flanked by his bodyguards, stepped out of his blinged Limoscalade and marched up the gold-lined marble steps of Washington Palace. It should have been a glorious day, yet under his heavy yet exquisite crown of carved human fetus-ivory his brow was ridged deeply as he silently brooded. Still, his posse, boomboxes on their shoulders, dance-walked up the steps, chains and gats jangling over the din as they grabbed their crotches.

As his trusted associates T-Von and Mook-Mook the Bushman pushed open the grand organic farm-grown cruelty-free redwood doors paid for by his 95% tax rate, he stepped into the antechamber of the gold-domed palace. Outside, ShariaVentalism reigned, but in here his word was law, and all his white teen sex slaves cowered before his glare more than even the hemp whips of their latte-drinking tweeded atheist masters.

He walked down the hallway toward his office and a prisoner in chains passed before him, lead by two turban-wearing Mexicans. He spotted the King and began shouting curses.

"You loving fascist! I knew it! I knew it! I told them, but they wouldn't listen, that your health care platform was a slippery slope to all this! You won't get away with this! The will of the Free Market will not be denied!"
"Seelenceo een the prezence of the Keeng, preesoner!"

King Obama spotted a chance to improve his ill mood.

"Bring him here. Good. Give me his file." The king looked over the prisoner's dossier. A long list of crimes against the state, and a repeat offender.
"You'll never get away with this! Never!"
"Hush now, Mr. Jack. We have ways of dealing with unruly sorts such as yourself."
"Praise be to Allah, seenyor."
"Peh! I spit at your torture! The Free Market gives me strength!"
"Oh, no, not anything as gauche as that."

The King grabbed a syringe from the outstretched hand of one of his nearby breakdancing bodyguards, and plunged it into the man's helpless neck.

"Now you are immune to rubella."

Kyle's lingering, echoing screams of tormented horror brought a slight smile like a crack in Obama's stony brown face as he walked into his lavish velvet-lined office and shut the door behind him. He motioned for his bodyguards to leave the room, and he addressed the giant screens hanging over his desk.

"Screen one on. Connect to Emperor bin Laden of Eurabia. Screen two: Hugo Chavez of the U.S.S.A.R.. Screen three: The High Elder of Zion."

The three figures appeared live via satelite.

"Gentlemen," began Obama darkly, "it's time to have...a conversation."

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 23:37 on Sep 15, 2020

# ¿ Sep 15, 2020 23:35

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Pick posted:

Jeff's right to probate people who are claiming the mods are complicit if someone offs themselves. That's an absurd and disgusting standard.

No one should post here if they're in a mentally vulnerable state. It is NOT a comforting community for someone in that place. Get a therapist, or call the suicide helpline or whatever, but don't look to EVE Online players

I turned my monitor on a decade ago and haven't looked back.

my metaphor needs some work

# ¿ Sep 20, 2020 20:12

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Silly Newbie posted:

Just one?

Does the Book of Revelation count as Biblical fanfiction if it's in the Bible already?

Oh poo poo The Divine Comedy now I get it.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2020 09:13

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Barnacle Jim goes into that long ~~face~~ night.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2020 03:47

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

sourdough posted:

He was a good looking dude that apparently managed to never meltdown over getting made fun of for almost two decades. Condolences to yall that knew him.

Honestly when I saw the tweet with 4 pictures of him the other three looked pretty good. It's just that the one made fun of he looks drunk / stoned so the rest of his face is slack and making it longer and that's what's funny.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2020 04:07

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

FilthyImp posted:

In an ironic turn, Lowtax posts a DEAR JEFFREY banme

Richard,
It seems I have underestimated your ability to fail. For that, I apologize. Not to you, but to the people who would enjoyed seeing me tearing your little world apart just that much more. It's a shame, really, that you ignored all of my warnings. Perhaps, if you had just a few brain cells left that weren't circling the bowl, you would have realized how pointless and counterproductive this whole thing was and quit a long time ago. This little venture of yours has failed on every level. On a personal level, for example, have you noticed that the very people you profess to hate have infested your site? They are utterly devoid of reason, their minds deluded with lies and ignorance. Their perceptions are hard-coded in a language they will never understand. Yet, these empty shells have flocked here, and what's even more amusing about it is, they emulate you. They've taken the worst things about you, namely your personality and humor, and twisted it into something far more repugnant than even you are capable of being. One bad joke becomes one thousand hideous hybrids, and it spreads like a virus. This is your audience, Richard, and they love you. That isn't very important, though. I am sure you don't care, as long as they're lined up at the trough. What is important, however, is this.

I would guess that you take as much enjoyment as anyone might at seeing these ridiculous business models fail like the insane fantasies they were. The pseudo reality of Internet commerce has finally been perceived for what it is, and the only people left are those who were lucky, smart or both. Now, being exposed to so much talk of this, for what, like over a loving year now, have you ever stopped to consider how you ever came to the conclusion that a parasite like yourself could possibly hope to survive in this environment? The corporate tit is gone, and you are completely incapable of surviving on your own. You think these failed companies had stupid business models? How about yours? I knew the advertising market was going to collapse years ago, because it's based on the assumption that banners are effective. Think about it.. You are entirely dependant on advertising.. yet, the people you try to attract are people who aren't going to click on, let alone buy whatever stupid crap that is being advertised. I am sure most of the clicks you have gotten have been sympathy clicks. Did you actually think that it was going to last forever? Everybody knows it doesn't loving work, and most sites have to beg their readers to click, just to pay the server bill. Did you think corporations weren't going to notice that no one was buying their products? You're an idiot, Richard, and I sincerely mean that. The contemptuously stupid decisions you made regarding the various networks you joined don't matter at all because the entire idea was flawed from the start. Enjoy your last moments as a free man. You'll soon be shovelling poo poo for the rest of your life at some nameless corporation, a vacant look forever etched upon your face.

Years from now, when you're no better off than when you started, when it finally hits you that it's all been nothing but a wasted lie, think of me. Think of me, Richard, and when you do, realize that I was the only beacon of logic and truth in this sad menagerie. You seem predestined for failure, however, so I doubt there is anything one can do for you. Just remember, when the joy is gone, when you're clawing at the boundaries of your little world, you always had a choice.

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 17:45 on Oct 10, 2020

# ¿ Oct 10, 2020 17:40

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

That post was made in like 2000 or 2001

# ¿ Oct 10, 2020 17:46

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Shifty Nipples posted:

Your spooky lobster dog reminds me of some of the fun times that have happened on the forums. It's nice to see.

I remember some time in the mid 2000s, when El Pinto Grande and Fistgrrl were still around, the admin team all decided to have avatars of the Legion of Doom from the 70s cartoon Super Friends.

Themed avatars are fun.

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

All I know is that from now on whenever I see a tubby white man in his late 30s, I'll be proud to yell "Stairs? STAIRS??! MANGOSTEEN!"

I lived in NYC in 2001-2002 and went to my first goon meets there. OldSenileGuy (still around, mod of TVIV) was trying to wrangle goons around the chaos of Times Square so he came up with the idea of holding his hands over his head and doing the goatse spreading motion to signal "We're going this way"

That happened.

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 15:36 on Oct 13, 2020

# ¿ Oct 13, 2020 15:31

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Hot Diggity! posted:

Gotta say people getting mad about the logo of the site is pretty funny.

I'm pretty sure having a grenade logo bumper sticker was the reason US customs searched my car coming back from GoonCon 2k3 which was held in Toronto.

Nuns with Guns posted:

edit- And holy poo poo GameQuoter appears on page 15 to give that thread an extra blessing.

GameQuoter was at GoonCon2k2 so I met him and holy poo poo

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 15:45 on Oct 13, 2020

# ¿ Oct 13, 2020 15:40

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

CPColin posted:

No, that was a GameCube somebody brought.

In the original GoonCon2k2 video that StraightRazor made Gamequoter showed up and there was a video game sprite placed over his face to protect his anonymity. That video also had Fiwer walking down the hall to "Only The Lonely" by Roy Orbison.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2020 16:13

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

zakharov posted:

Those meets were ridiculous and I can't believe I convinced my parents to let ~17 year old me go.

The wrestling one was the best.

There was a table with big sheets of paper for everyone to make signs and BOY HOWDY THEY MADE SIGNS and I'm sad that I missed it because I moved before then.

Also Cannibal with his toy drive for Ronald McDonald House where goons went to the Toys R Us in Times Square and bought a bunch of toys and carried them on the street up to the Ronald McDonald House in an early version of Child's Play charity.

gently caress it I'm gonna keep posting;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdCyJgfQsRo

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 17:31 on Oct 13, 2020

# ¿ Oct 13, 2020 17:28

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Solice Kirsk posted:

You're about to have a real Bodysnatchers moment when you realize you're the only poster that isn't a KM alt.

"Everyone else is actually Lowtax" was a meme on this site back in 00-01.

# ¿ Oct 28, 2020 21:51

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Weepinbell, victreebel, vileplume, and weezing are the underrated champions of mons. Also they all post here

E: sorry if this counts as too close to forums current events but it�s kind of amazing that in the GBS thread on Jordan Peterson of all assholes, someone�s whose been here for twenty years chose to Kramer in and make �actually lobsterman rules, also you�re all liberal killjoys now� his final blaze of posting glory.

Going through that Jordan Peterson thread and I saw Rutibex, who registered on September 9th 2001, two days before 9/11. The forums were closed to registering new accounts on 9/11 because Lowtax fuckery who cares. Anyway, anyone with a September 11th 2001 regdate got it through the Forums Store, not by chance. Well, with Rutibex posting I got an idea to find out the last account registered before 9/11 and the first one after.

Rutibex is https://forums.somethingawful.com/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=25863. With userid of 25863 I had a starting point. 25900 had someone with Sept 9th. 26000 had someone with Sept 20th. So within those bounds, eventually I got 25963 with Sept 9th and 25965 on Sept 14th, with 25964 not found on the live forums.

You are welcome for this useless knowledge.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2020 17:34

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

FilthyImp posted:

I tried making a joke and it didn't land. Apparently mislabeling someone as a FYAd jokester is serious business?

And I thought Coupons was a rough sub.

Rough subs go in The Cholesterol Clubhouse.

edit: Or the GIP thread of military mishaps

# ¿ Nov 2, 2020 18:50

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

The Kins posted:

There was a Kirtaner on SA, yes.

I met him at Gooncon 2k3 in Toronto and he was an edgelord back then and was either too drunk at breakfast to handle himself or the type of edgelord that was totally sober and just being an rear end.

Moot started 4chan as a side event to ADTRW using 2channel software, and after the pedocaust of the early 2000s when the ADTRW pedos like Kirtaner and Marshall Banana and Censored Vagina and Ricequeen's Erection (mod of ADTRW at the time) got banned they all went to 4chan and now Donald Trump is President.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2020 19:23

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

The Kins posted:

I mean, you are, just for entirely different reasons.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2020 20:24

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Shifty Nipples posted:

Very same, also I had heard that a crazy person is not aware of their insanity so I figured if I know I'm nuts it would prevent or postpone voices taking up residence in my head.

That's a hell of a catch, that catch 22.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2020 23:07

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

FilthyImp posted:

HaV shutting down was a sad day

She did two long vertical comics on her twitter about dealing with the death, one from the perspective of "so I remember that person" and the super brutal one about the loss of her sister.

I hope she is doing well.

# ¿ Nov 3, 2020 00:02

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Geocities Homepage King posted:

You don't have to be crazy to post here, but it helps!

The beatings will continue until morale improves. :yarr:

Wait poo poo not that

# ¿ Nov 4, 2020 18:57

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I just want to know if the term "krautrock" is going to be verboten going forward.

You'll know when you hear it on the wind of change.

# ¿ Nov 6, 2020 18:05

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Nuns with Guns posted:

Wasn't there also a bet involved for some children's medical fund or disaster relief that some SA posters wanted to rescind because Smash Mouth didn't adequately Eat the Eggs?

SmashMouth said he would eat the eggs for charity, and said "for $25k to St. Jude Children's Hospital I'll eat the eggs" and GBS donates $25k so fast that SmashMouth doesn't believe it and says "ok, make it $50k and I'll get Guy Fieri to make the eggs" and it got up to $50k. This all happened inside of a week and maybe in like 2 days. Money came in FAST.

I don't know about some SA posters wanting to rescind the donation because that defeats the purpose of charity. A good cause got money, Guy Fieri made some eggs for SmashMouth to eat, DocEvil ended up in fanart as he gooned it up, great success!

# ¿ Nov 8, 2020 06:22

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

luxury handset posted:

settle down there tom friedman

The next six months are going to be crucial.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2020 17:53

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Pick posted:

mixed with honey

Well you don't mix the poison with vinegar, that won't work.

# ¿ Nov 29, 2020 16:52

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Spanish Manlove posted:

I'm a sovereign shitposter

I'm a Freegoon on the LAN.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2020 20:42

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

The poster who had to compliment the Seattle Seahawks in every post was a great modchallenge

Especially when they were posting outside of TFF.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2020 04:20

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

freemandela posted:

the may contain peanuts summary thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3411101

may contain peanuts ended up doing a "whoops wrong thread" while watching the NFL Draft and still kept up the toxx :allears:

# ¿ Dec 15, 2020 17:41

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Spanish Manlove posted:

post a picture wearing only one sock, nothing else, like the red hot chili peppers of bitcoin

WHAT I GOT YOU GOTTA PURCHASE ON THE BLOCKCHAIN

# ¿ Dec 31, 2020 04:27

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

dwarf74 posted:

Can we resolve this in a gentlemanly way - say by a nice game of chess

Good idea.

This shopping list of bread milk and eggs means I can jump my rook over the pawns.

# ¿ Jan 2, 2021 00:14

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Hodgepodge posted:

Have you heard of a poster named "koalas march?"

Okay okay. I was specifically thinking of the hilarious coup attempt by right-wing Americans last year. This one got less noise because at least these ones were smart enough to honor the time-honoured practice of keeping your dumb coup attempt in South America.

This might not be the best place to go into detail about real life coups, but I'll prompt the ancient history thread in c-spam as there is a great collective knowledge of the subject there and the question is likely to be popular.

There's a PYF Historical Fun Fact thread. :justpost:

# ¿ Jan 9, 2021 21:09

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

The Saddest Rhino posted:

Speaking of posters who matter, congrats on being surreptitiously referred to in a podcast guest featuring Jeff of yospos

Link?

I wanna hear a goon podcast for I am broken

Edit: 2 girls 1 podcast, got it

# ¿ Feb 3, 2021 01:55

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Yo S'pose.

# ¿ Feb 3, 2021 17:32

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Puppy Galaxy posted:

i wanna know who the fake jeffrey is. the fact that they have matching gang tags suggests mods are involved. maybe even jeffrey himself???

One has a red star "Jeffrey" and one does not "Jeffery"

# ¿ Feb 10, 2021 15:21

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

number 1 snake fan posted:

Chernobyl Princess's PMF thread about why her kid is crying currently is top-tier: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3920053&pagenumber=1&perpage=40&userid=0#post504087430

E: wrong thread, but I'm leaving it

This is great, thank you.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2021 23:16

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

multijoe posted:

He definitely bragged about giving guys beatings for 'resisting arrest' and got banned for making 'sixteen is scientifically the hottest age' posts, so it really wasn't spun out of nothing

The phrase tokaii would use is "repeatedly subdue"

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 23:16 on Feb 21, 2021

# ¿ Feb 21, 2021 23:14

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 22:24

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

pentyne posted:

So after recently remember I have archives I've been checking out some way back when times on the forums. Obviously the language and attitudes were.....different but wtf was going on in 2006 in PYF?

The only non "post pics" or OkCupid thread was about what people bought, their facebook or myspace profiles. And holy poo poo that facebook thread is (apparently) real names and their colleges, drat online infosec was not a thing in the early 00s.

There are so many post pics and OkCupid threads because back then there was a 1000 post limit on threads because the rickety software couldn't reliably handle more posts in a thread, especially a very active thread getting lots of views. As soon as one thread got to 1000 posts it would be locked and a new one would be made. I don't know when the current megathread system was enabled.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 08:57

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > SA's Greatest Sagas: "You know who can help with this? The pig balls website."

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