|
|
"I'm in!", I say in a hoarse whisper, into my Android. "I'll have the information to you by next week. Until then I'm going to have to maintain total radio silence! If you don't hear from me by Saturday at 0:00, you're going to need to assume the worst and take whatever precautions you deem necessary! SuperAwesomeTunnelSnake out!" My hand shakes and I wipe a bit of sweat from my brow. No! Not now! I take a swig of Mountain Dew, steady my nerves, and type the words forums.somethingawful.com into my Chrome address bar. For the next week I'm going to need to blend in seamlessly. I must keep a low profile! I must not to get caught! If they knew what I was doing, who I was in contact with, it could all be over! Let too much information slip and it could all be over! I could get a mocked endlessly, made an example of and possibly given a sixer. I shuddered to think about it but I could even be...banned! No time to think about that now! It's time for me to mine the secrets of the Something Awful Forums for Vice Media so they can do another piece on how these forums used Goatse to put Donald Trump in the Whitehouse! It would take all of my courage, all of my cunning, and several cases of Mountain Dew! But I needed this! Not for the glory, but for the money! I needed...the  !
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 18:54 on Nov 1, 2020 |
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 14:25
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:01 |
|
|
|
vice reporter: so you said BYOB? me: ya vice reporter: And so what does that stand for? me: ya
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 14:27
|
|
|
|
vice: what--what should I call you? me: call me.... deepthroat [as they're walking away] me: no wait. call me buttstuff. call me painslut. call me slimetime. call me footjob. call me cock receptacle.
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 14:32
|
|
|
|
Leaving coded messages for my handlers in my posts based on a complex system of smilies and quoted texts
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 14:35
|
|
|
|
nut posted:vice reporter: so you said BYOB? |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 15:31
|
|
|
|
Casually hanging in byob when I suddenly get a pm from my contact in gbsquote:Hastily discarding pic posts and hoping I make it to the border |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 15:41
|
|
|
|
vice reporter: so you said BYOB? me: ya vice reporter: And so what does that stand for? me: I guess friendship, and posting
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 15:42
|
|
|
You're not going to believe this, but an international cadre of art thieves posts the details of their latest crimes with impunity in these forums!
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 15:52
|
|
|
|
nut posted:vice reporter: so you said BYOB? xcheopis posted:Casually hanging in byob when I suddenly get a pm from my contact in gbs
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 16:08
|
|
|
|
ohshitohshitohgently caress my contact posted a banme i need an extraction team! |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 16:21
|
|
|
coupons and deals mod: he's wearing a wire! me hastily scrolling through TVIV: season 3 was best imo
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 16:37
|
|
|
|
This Poster Had 69 PMs - Until They Didnt A hard look into the seedy underbelly of the blue forum |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 16:40
|
|
|
|
"So yeah theres like soft colours, all your pals are there, and theres a cute cat hanging from a -" "DISGUSTING. How can you people live with yourselves?! Ill expose you and shine a light into your cruel ring of psychos and perverts!" "... its a hammock. The cats in a hammock chilling." "Oh. Well you didnt come forward soon enough, you coward. Ive already gotten the first draft to my editor - he loved it - and its published, its on the front page of the site even. I retweeted it from our corp account and its already trending faster than the fly on mike pence's head. Im getting book offers and all these coke dealers slid into my dms. Ive made it. Im living the dream. Ill add a retraction at the end of the article, nobody will read it though. Im sorry i had to do you dirty like that, but frankly you shouldnt have said it like that. Youre just as guilty as me - no, guiltier. The guiltiest. Im just a journalist trying to make the world a better place. Besides, nobody is going to listen to you. Weird twitter isnt even cool anymore, whos gonna give credence to a bunch of smoked out 'postin pals' or whatever you call yourselves. You cant do anything. Youre pathetic. Im on top of the world and youre just posting 'tane' and 'orb' at your friends like it means something -" "Tane." "- w what??" "Orb." "Y-you... youd still forgive me? After all ive done?" *nodding* "It is wednesday, my dude." "No... no its not." *shakes head, tears raining down* "its friday, but i think i understand. Thank you. For everything." "  "
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 16:54
|
|
|
|
xcheopis posted:ohshitohshitohgently caress my contact posted a banme i need an extraction team!   I repeat, This is not a drill!
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 17:08
|
|
|
|
albany academy posted:"So yeah theres like soft colours, all your pals are there, and theres a cute cat hanging from a -" Under the spreading goatse cheeks I quote you, get probed two weeks |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 17:19
|
|
|
albany academy posted:"So yeah theres like soft colours, all your pals are there, and theres a cute cat hanging from a -" I propose a vice article that is just empty quotes of this thread
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 17:51
|
|
|
FutonForensic posted:vice: what--what should I call you? |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 20:04
|
|
|
|
FutonForensic posted:vice: what--what should I call you? i tried to emptyquote this in a forest with bad reception and i can't remember if it went through and i'm too lazy to scroll up
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 20:17
|
|
|
|
FutonForensic posted:vice: what--what should I call you? |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:10
|
|
|
"ok vince you're next assignment is going undercover to report on the ongoing chaos and unrest in syria, jess i know you're just getting back on your feet after nearly dying on your last assignment but you've got the human trafficking story in the middle east annnnnnd gary... *snickering*....you've got... *shuffles through a stack of papers* ...the something awful blog forums. ok go get em guys." |
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:16
|
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:17
|
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:21
|
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:22
|
|
albany academy posted:"So yeah theres like soft colours, all your pals are there, and theres a cute cat hanging from a -"
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:22
|
|
|
ngl if that shirt came into my possession i would wear it until it smelled real bad
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:23
|
|
|
holy lol
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:41
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 21:57
|
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 22:00
|
|
|
Searching desperately for a haven of Nazis but finding only incomprehensible in-jokes, mile long sigs and smilies which could potentially be code for nazi activity like  and 
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 22:04
|
|
|
/!\ Breaking: "poo poo" is actually secret SA code, more at eleven! /!\
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 22:06
|
|
|
|
Everyone appears to live in massive, heavily armed fortresses. They're constantly telling everyone about their multi-story residences with "stairs" and how they're "protected".
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 22:24
|
|
|
*i drag a finger along the side of a computer, then taste* "mangosteen."
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 22:39
|
|
|
|
my editor turned away my story. it seems that "salmon soup" is too hosed up and depraved even for vice media. go figure
|
|
#
?
Oct 16, 2020 22:55
|
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 00:55
|
|
|
|
Gavin McInnes, co-creator of Vice and founder of the Proud Boys: I noticed that the one Nazi forum came back. They keep saying something like "RIP Jim" or whatever. Is that the signal? They still there? What's the story? Me: It's a long one. Gavin: That's no issue, I have nothing else booked today. Me: ...Youuuuuu don't understand. |
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 01:03
|
|
|
lmao @ this thread
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 03:11
|
|
|
|
FutonForensic posted:vice: what--what should I call you?
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 03:21
|
|
|
"I think I'm really onto something here. The whole thing seems to be an elaborate front for some kind of contraband smuggling racket, code name 'Vegemite'. Just give me two more weeks and I'll be able t..what.. no why would they actually be smuggling Vegemite that poo poo is weird and gross"
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 03:25
|
|
|
Hey, do y'all have........ staircases in your homes?
---------------- |
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 03:39
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 02:01 |
|
|
|
Doctor Dogballs posted:Hey, do y'all have........ staircases in your homes?
|
|
#
?
Oct 17, 2020 04:11
|
|