A Country Sampler Christmas

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trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

This thread scarred me. Here's some things I've found online in the same vein

"Pumpkin"/mayor from The Nightmare Before Christmas that's seen some poo poo

Cat on ecstasy

Witch with banner for town that cut off her arms and legs and hair

Snowman with femoral retroversion and withered, bisected nose

Snowman Slenderman (JESUS loving CHRIST)

Snot nightlight with attached star and bit of rag

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Oct 31, 2021

# ¿ Oct 31, 2021 22:15

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 19:11

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

quote:

Dustpan Cookies
NOVEMBER 17, 2013 CHRISTMAS LEAVE A COMMENT
1. Get a new dust pan (I get mine at the dollar store)
2. Fill it with your favorite holiday cookies.
3. Add a crumpled cookie on top.
4. Add the following poem to the cookies
5. Cover with plastic wrap and tie with ribbon or raffia

Attach one of the following poems:

I baked a batch of cookies,
And dropped them on the floor.
I quickly scooped them up again,
And brought them to your door!

��

I dropped these cookies on the floor,
so we can�t eat them anymore.
I swept them up, as quick as I could.
Please let me know if they�re still good.

��`
I was baking some cookies,
When they dropped on the floor
So I scooped them right up
And rushed them to your door!
Merry Christmas From Our House To Yours!

��`

I was in a hurry,
�Cuz time was running out.
I�d baked a batch of cookies for you,
And when I turned about,
I saw they�d fallen on the floor.
It made me want to shout!
How could this happen at this time,
When time was running out.
I couldn�t throw them in the trash,
Whatever could I do!
I quickly swept them in this pan,
And rushed them off to you.

Dustpan cookies!

# ¿ Oct 31, 2021 23:23

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Santa with no feet

Ghost angel with face wrapped in twine

Partially eaten wooden spoon

Scuffed cupboard/lead paint dispenser

Ragged Mrs. Claus outfit, pre-dirtied

# ¿ Nov 1, 2021 00:09

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Ralph Crammed In posted:

That whole set up is going to be a nightmare to clean. Dust is going to accumulate in every nook and cranny of that dish rack and each time you brush up against of those withered bean pods they are going to fall apart and drop peas everywhere. What is even in that bowl with the lemons? Rocks? Lumps of clay? Why a whetstone and ice tongs? Who has the room in their house for this anyway?

That's what I want to know as well. I decorate my living space with dirty laundry and things I can't fit into my closet. Do these people have hobbies? Books? Is their hobby un-finishing wood?

Let's read further:

quote:

Take some beans and paint them black and white place them in a small baggie and attach the poem.

From all of us cows to all of you,
A reminder is now way overdue.
You seem to forget when Christmas draws near,
That we�re every bit as important as Santa�s reindeer.
Why, if it weren�t for us you�d have no dream,
Of butter, milk, or even ice cream!
So consider this, we have good reason
We cows, too celebrate the Christmas season.
So here�s a fitting gift , from all of us to you,
All you�re getting this year is a bunch of moo poo!
Moooey Christmas from The Cows

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 15:48 on Nov 2, 2021

# ¿ Nov 2, 2021 15:36

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

From the same source

quote:

Ingredients: green tic tacs

The Grinch went down to Who-ville
And loaded up his sleigh.
He couldn�t resist the yummy smells,
And sampled along the way.
His tummy started to rumble,
Then it began to shout.
Just when he thought he might explode,
He blasted these mighty �toots� out.

To his relief, he felt so good,
It helped him with his mood.
He returned to Who-ville kind at heart,
But stayed away from all the food!

I don't like this trend.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2021 20:20

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

EGGLESS CHOCOLATE PECAN RAISIN TOMATO BREAD

oh my dear lord

EGGLESS CHOCOLATE PECAN RAISIN TOMATO BREAD

quote:

1 can tomato soup

1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cocoa powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1/4-1/2 package raisins
1 level teaspoon baking soda dissolved in 1/4 cup hot water
1/2 cup chopped pecans

Mix by hand the tomato soup, oil, and sugar until sugar is dissolved. In a separate bowl, sift all dry ingredients together and add raisins. Combine the tomato soup mixture with the dry ingredients. Stir in baking soda and water mixture. Do not over mix.

Pour into a greased loaf pan. Sprinkle with chopped pecans, pushing them slightly into the batter. Bake at 325 degrees until done. Top with glaze while still warm.

GLAZE

1 cup confectioner's sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice

quote:

Place an old sock (complete with holes!) in a zip-lock, and then attached this poem:

My puppy must have stolen it
On last year�s Christmas Eve.
I hope that Santa�s toes weren�t froze
When he had to leave.
I�m passing it along to you
As quiet as a mouse!
And THIS year if he�s lookin� for it
IT WON�T BE AT MY HOUSE!!!!

why

# ¿ Nov 5, 2021 18:59

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Literally A Person posted:

This is some kind of like pervert thing, right???

I don't know.

Snowmen by David Lynch

Doll that eats your soul

Decorative potato

# ¿ Nov 8, 2021 02:56

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Knorrren posted:

Here's a whole batch of cookies, fresh from the dustpan!

Festive tetanusmen

Souls, damned, bound, and branded

A hanged cookie with its bag of Christmas hair

Dear God

Although the second photo is giving me some Edward Gorey energy

Anyway

Oogie Boogie, but actually this is sort of cute

Smiling bodiless pumpkin freaks

Depressed and existential pumpkinhead

Dolls that have never been washed

It watches

Finally, a series of dolls that have either seen or inflicted some poo poo

# ¿ Dec 3, 2021 20:10

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Seth Pecksniff posted:

why do I want my house to look like an 1850s frontier Christmas cabin

what possible use could this serve

An 1850s frontier cabin would be dignified in its utilitarianism though

# ¿ Dec 5, 2021 21:37

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Empty Sandwich posted:

finally

The face looks like it's severely depressed and perpetually ten seconds away from bursting into tears

# ¿ Jan 11, 2022 03:45

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

When you don't give a poo poo

When you REALLY don't give a poo poo

# ¿ Jan 11, 2022 04:00

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Knorrren posted:

One of my personal favorite images, this painting in a contributing homeowner's master bedroom:

A touching celebration of dirty trousers.

The breeches themselves don't look inaccurate to the later 1700s/early 1800s. Lace-up back waistband, drop-front . . . The painting looks like it's from one of those stores that sells mass-produced "country" crap in rundown malls.

Country style from Kirklands, inspired by The Room

# ¿ Jan 19, 2022 06:06

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 19:11

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Empty Sandwich posted:

trickybiscuits posted:

Doll that eats your soul

holy gently caress I need this terrible thing

I bought the book. The inside is worse. Will post photos later. I'm not even sure why I bought it. At least it was cheap on Thriftbooks.

In the meantime:

This doll not only doesn't have a face, someone has actively tried to remove the option for facehood

Catbus vibes

Large frog mayor (?) with severed penis (?) on footstool

Doll that is a turnip

# ¿ Apr 5, 2023 17:18

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