The Thing: as an STD?

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SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Now don't get me wrong it's good, real good even, but it's not quite a masterpiece is all I'm sayin'.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:26

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 14:08

3 A.M. Radio: Nov 5, 2003; Workin' too hard can give me
A heart attACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK!
You oughtta' know by now...

We're finally on the way to healing this country and then you pull some poo poo like this.

Disgusting.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:28

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

It�s a perfect movie, op

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:28

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

3 A.M. Radio posted:

We're finally on the way to healing this country and then you pull some poo poo like this.

Disgusting.

The correct first response is supposed to be "You've gotta be loving kidding."

FAIL!

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:31

Caesar Saladin: Aug 15, 2004

Its extremely good OP, you're wrong

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:35

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

honestly the more I think about it

This is the kind of thread I�d post if I was the thing

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:36

Hairy Right Hook: Sep 9, 2001; Hee to the ho

There's a head on spider legs lmao how can you hate on something so dope

edit:

Hairy Right Hook fucked around with this message at 03:39 on Nov 7, 2020

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:37

WILDTURKEY101: Mar 7, 2005; Look to your left. Look to your right. Only one of you is going to pass this course.

oh please

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:38

IShallRiseAgain: Sep 12, 2008; Well ain't that precious?

I'm going to perform a blood test on the OP....

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:38

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Ehud posted:

honestly the more I think about it

This is the kind of thread I�d post if I was the thing

How do we know you're not just saying this so people won't think you're the thing? Maybe you ARE the thing!

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:39

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

QUESTION: Is this movie about a shapeshifting monster or a mutating alien pathogen?
ANSWER: Yes.

I've watched 'The Thing' several times over the last 20 years and no matter how hard I try, I can never get past how the actual nature of the threat is radically different from what we're told: it's described multiple times as an organism that perfectly mimics the prey that it digests, but when we see it in action it's more of a contagion that turns its infected into inside-out, tentacle-sprouting monstrosities. And right when you've mentally adjusted from "it's an evil shapeshifter" to this all being a variation of "who got bit by a zombie this time" the movie often still plays out like it's the former: somehow there's only ever one Thing at a time and the characters keep referring to "it" like they're dealing with a single intelligent entity. But THEN they kill The Thing and I guess we're back to infestation-land because they're still paranoid over who's a Thing even though they just killed the Thing again. Watch this on a bad day and it can get infuriating.

But that's not the only, uh, thing. In an effort to keep us in suspense, 'The Thing' goes overboard in withholding information to the point where it loses all sense of gamesmanship and sometimes barely even makes sense in general: characters end up dead, vanish entirely, or act in ways that don't seem to follow from previous scenes and instead of coming across mysterious and suspicious, it's just kind of inexplicable. Is this guy acting out of character? Who knows! Why is that guy dead? The possibilities are endless! Does it even matter? Beats me!

Especially since the movie keeps us in the dark even with its supposed main character (Kurt Russell), there's no single thread of events for us to follow and we just kind of wait for the next dude to randomly explode in a gory maelstrom of teeth and entrails. 'The Thing' is like a reverse 'Rashomon' where instead of seeing events from everyone's perspective, the story is told from no one's point of view. Fans seem to enjoy trying to figure out what exactly is happening in the movie, but I find the opaqueness more frustrating than fun.

Anyways, go see 'The Thing', it's scary.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:42

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

I was going to make a reply but then I realized I was actually thinking of "It".

Never saw this one.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:44

Flannelette: Jan 17, 2010

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

Now don't get me wrong it's good, real good even, but it's not quite a masterpiece is all I'm sayin'.

Don't think anyone's ever called it a masterpiece OP.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:44

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Da Thang

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:45

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

Flannelette posted:

Don't think anyone's ever called it a masterpiece OP.

It�s a fuckin� masterpiece, and OP is wrong - it�s not overrated, it�s a cult movie that bombed in theaters. :colbert:

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:48

free hubcaps: Oct 12, 2009

You're a fool OP. The Thing is one of the best movies ever

Leovinus posted:

The Thing is the best loving movie ever made. Take every other movie in the world and shove it up your rear end. They are so far below The Thing that it's not even really possible to compare any other movie to The Thing, because you can't conceptualise the difference in quality like you can't conceptualise a googolplex.

Let's talk about why The Thing is good. Better yet, I'll talk, and you can just agree and maybe repeat what I said to another person later. The first thing The Thing got right was the same thing Twelve Angry Men got right. That is to say that there are no bitches in the movie at all. I'll bet that when the script for The Thing got run by a movie exec, he was like "This is good and all, but where's the sex appeal? Put in a chick like the non-butch one from Alien." And I imagine that John Carpenter would have told him that it wasn't a movie where at the end of the movie the hero and the heroine kiss before blowing up the monster and escaping in the nick of time, not a movie like that at all, not a movie for homos. It was a movie for men who wanted to watch men deal with problems suited to other men, like what to do when an alien is loving your day up. Then he cast a bunch of the most watchable men he could find in the movie. These men variously do things like play chess, drink scotch and smoke weed all the day. Even the men who barely appear in the movie at all are manly as all hell because they're Norwegians. They were probably walking around their Antarctic base in T-shirts and cargo shorts before they got hosed up by The Thing.

The second thing The Thing got right was that it is set in the Antarctic and there is nobody coming or going from that base, ever, especially no bitches. To give you an idea of how isolated they are, Kurt Russell could not get away from that base in a helicopter. That's not some kind of Chuck Norris joke, that's a literal plot point in the movie. In the movie Kurt Russell can't get away from the base in a helicopter. You can imagine that if Kurt Russell can't do it, neither can anybody else. So they're completely cut off from any help ever. You'll notice that this is a theme among the best movies ever. For example, the two other best movies ever made which are not The Thing are Battle Royale and Cube. Notice a pattern? A few people, a completely hosed up situation, let's see what they loving do for the next couple of hours. Goddamn give me some of those nachos, quit hogging the nachos I'm trying to watch the movie.

The third thing The Thing got right is that it's loving hilarious. Like, gut-bustingly funny. I don't mean that in a goth-faggots-laughing-at-death sense, but in the sense that the deaths in this movie are hysterical to anyone with a brain. Like when the doctor is defibrillating Norris and Norris' chest opens up and eats his hands, and you're just staring at the screen in open-mouthed disbelief that something that awesome just happened and then you laugh, because man, that doctor was NOT expecting that poo poo. And then Norris' loving head sprouts legs and wanders off. This is advanced loving humour here, you understand. And then later, when Palmer reveals he's a Thing and suddenly everyone realises that it was a really stupid idea to do Thing tests while everyone was tied to everyone else. Ahaha. Now everyone is yelling and trying to get away because like dumbasses they agreed to be tied to a Thing. Holy poo poo look at Windows, it's loving eating him.

The fourth best thing about The Thing is that loving noose just swinging behind Blair when he's talking to Mac through the peephole asking to come back down because he's alright now, because people just don't think about it when they first watch the movie. Blair was thinking about killing himself? Man that's pretty dark, what a great movie. Nobody thinks "oh poo poo, why doesn't Blair want to kill himself any more?" People are pretty dumb like that and it was awesome that they put that in just for clever people.

Number 5. Everybody dies in The Thing. I don't care what that lovely ending cutscene in the videogame said, MacReady and Childs froze to death after they blew up that base. Probably Childs was a Thing, but if he wasn't that's OK. The moral of the story is that if you put six to ten men in a room and one of them is an alien, they will eventually kill each other and sacrifice themselves for the good of the world, and they'll do that in the freezing cold drinking whisky.

Number six. "You gotta be loving kidding". Never has an idea been better put across. Norris' head just loving scuttled out the door and Shakespeare himself could not have put it any better.

Shakespeare posted:
PALMERO
Alas, poor Norris! I knew him, MacReady.
Is this Norris's loving head I see before me?
It has took legs, and is making like yon tree.
Thou hast got to be loving jesting.

It's the freakiest looking loving thing you've ever seen, but they don't even get scared, they just stare at it, dumbfounded. This is the bullshit hand Fate has dealt them. And they are dealing with it like loving men.

If you think The Thing is not the best movie ever made, gently caress you. You are not fit to live on the planet where The Thing is available on DVD and I think Blu-Ray although I actually have it on HD-DVD because it was cheap and I had the drive. You probably think that a good movie is something like... well, I don't know. I can't think down to your level, because I've watched and given sufficient appreciation to The Thing.
Anyway, that is why The Thing is the best movie ever. Now go on, gently caress off.

one of the best posts to ever come out of CineD

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:52

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I hate The Thing because he pours scotch onto a chess computer I want really bad I hate the thing I want the chess computer

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:53

Hairy Right Hook: Sep 9, 2001; Hee to the ho

How dare he waste scotch like that

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:54

Full Metal Jackass: Jan 22, 2001; Rabid bats are welcome in my home

This has to be one of the worst takes of all time.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:55

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Chess Wizard needs scotch badly

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:55

Shumagorath: Jun 6, 2001

It would be perfect if I didn't have to preface every potential viewing with "ye like dags??"

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:58

Junk: Dec 20, 2003; Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

your dead to me op

# ? Nov 7, 2020 03:59

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

quote:

not a movie for homos.

The Thing is kind of by definition a purely homosexual movie.

I mean not that there's anything wrong with that.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:00

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Junk posted:

your dead to me op

Huh

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:00

free hubcaps: Oct 12, 2009

the intro to the thing is imo one of the best medias res hooks of any movie. You're watching it and just wondering what the gently caress these dudes are doing trying to gun down a poor dog from a helicopter, it instantly grabs you and everything spirals from there

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:00

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

The Thing starring the thing as the thing,n co-starring Wilform Brimley entering diabetic shock

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:02

RepeatingMeme: Dec 27, 2012; this place is not a place of honor

no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here

nothing valued is here

what is here was dangerous and repulsive to us

this place is best shunned and left uninhabited

How does it compare to 'The Blob'? I bet the blob still has the catchier theme song

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:03

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

The Blob hosed me. The Thing hosed me. Its up to personal preference

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:03

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Da Thang

Do the Right THING

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:05

DickParasite: Dec 2, 2004; Slippery Tilde

I like that not even The Things know who is or isn't a Thing. It's possible A Thing does not even if it is a Thing until it's attacked.

e: There are many possible explanations for why the alien crashed the ship too.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:07

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

Do the Right THING

Ive done it i won't do it again.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:09

Junk: Dec 20, 2003; Listen to reason, man. Why make your job difficult?

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Huh

what

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:11

Vakal: May 11, 2008

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

The Thing is kind of by definition a purely homosexual movie.

I mean not that there's anything wrong with that.

Predator would be the greatest movie ever but they went and ruined it by adding a woman to the cast. The Thing takes the lead in this regard.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:12

Hairy Right Hook: Sep 9, 2001; Hee to the ho

Do it on my thing

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:12

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

The Thing hosed me.

Oh, so this is you?

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:12

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

The delivery of You gotta be fuckin' kidding me alone elevates it to instant classic, plus the effects are otherworldly.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:13

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Junk posted:

what

Whats up

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:15

Flannelette: Jan 17, 2010

LabyaMynora posted:

It�s a fuckin� masterpiece, and OP is wrong - it�s not overrated, it�s a cult movie that bombed in theaters.

it fumbles its climax a bit too much to be a masterpiece.

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:16

Full Metal Jackass: Jan 22, 2001; Rabid bats are welcome in my home

Flannelette posted:

it fumbles its climax a bit too much to be a masterpiece.

Yeah well fumble *this* a bit too much til I climax, bitch

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:18

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 14:08

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Full Metal Jackass posted:

Yeah well fumble *this* a bit too much til I climax, bitch

LOL

# ? Nov 7, 2020 04:19

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