r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Captain Yossarian posted:

My two cats Clover (1f) and Lilly (1f) keep fighting over the unplugged heating pad and it keeps waking my girlfriend and I up in the middle of the night. Please help 🥺

Requoting to share the furry cat paws again

eta:

Barudak posted:

Everyone in my family who never worked in a corporate environment: how can you wear that to the office, you look like hobo noone will respect you
The one other person who held a global job: I think you're probably over dressed

When my brother started working in computer tech someone told him that his wearing a buttoned shirt and tie was making people nervous.

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 19:34 on Oct 20, 2021

# ¿ Oct 20, 2021 19:28

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 00:19

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Sisal Two-Step posted:

AITA for confiscating my daughter's fanfiction?

The fandom was Sherlock.

I love . . . not so much fan fiction itself, but the idea of fan fiction. Not only because it allows people to take control of popular culture from massive conglomerates, but because it gives people a space to explore things about themselves in a safe environment.

Also when it's bad it's fascinating. Like a written version of The Room or something.

# ¿ Oct 23, 2021 19:15

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Arsenic Lupin posted:

The more of the comments you read, the sadder it gets. The senior partners won't let her offer higher salaries, hire more associates at lower wages, or in general change anything. However, they are holding her responsible for the fact that all their associates are quitting.

Everybody at AAM is saying "This business is doomed, you can't keep doing exactly what you're doing and hoping for a different result. Save yourself." She says "But they owe me money" (always a sign of a great business) and "But my clients depend on me!" to which everybody is pointing out that if she died, they'd have a moment or two of regret and then get on just fine.

Small business that can't compete with the titans on either salary or quality of life (one of the majors is offering one regular guaranteed day off), insisting that things have to be exactly the way they were 40 years ago when the partners were young. OP can't look away from her sunk costs.

Not much to add but that I am working my eleventh day in a row (and have two more before I get one day off) and my brain is mush.

Let's see what estranged parents are up to!

quote:

The survey of 1,035 mothers of estranged adult children asked the women about the cause of the estrangement. Many of the moms talked about people who stirred up trouble between them and their adult children. I called these people �influential adversaries� in my book, Done With The Crying. They include the estranged parent�s ex-spouse, a son- or daughter-in-law, or other family members or friends who create division. Nearly two thirds of rejected moms from the new research also talked about an adult child�s mental illness or an addiction as contributing to estrangement.

My own estrangement research consists of more than 50,000 responses to surveys for parents of estranged adult children. I have also personally interviewed hundreds of abandoned moms, dads, and siblings, and I interact with them daily (as well as am a rejected mother myself).

All of this �new� information reads like yesterday�s news. But what is even older is that when the study authors looked at existing research, they found that the adult children cited different reasons for their choice to estrange.

Did you catch that? The adult children who estranged themselves disagreed with their mothers.

Duh-Uh.

I could go on here about the very real problem of parental alienation syndrome, about how those with personality disorders can be neurotically possessive to the point of isolating another person from their own family, and how these persons will generally blame everyone else for their problems � but I won�t.

Many, maybe even most, of you, the loving parents who are rejected by adult children and read this blog, are familiar with one or more of these issues. You have lived through them and suffered the consequences. The supposed revelations of this �new� estrangement research is old news to you, too.

Sometimes after reading these things I feel like my brain is bleeding.

quote:

My son aged 47 is no longer talking to me or his father (my husband). We�ve not really been given a reason, other than that he has objections to a letter I wrote to his wife in response to one of her usual rants to me about where I have gone wrong and what I should be doing. It is obvious to me that the DIL does not like me and probably never has really and because of this their children have been kept at arms length from us all their lives. I�ve put up with this treatment because I did not want to lose my son. We had already seen the consequences of anyone falling out with his wife when he cut off his elder sister for 5 years. The letter the DIL wrote to me (a year ago) caused a sea change in me, I was no longer going to meekly go along with everything she said, so my letter to her was an attempt to put an end to all her recriminations, instead it has caused our son to cut all contact with us, and all because I will no longer participate in their game. I see a counsellor who has helped me to see that I too matter, something that had got lost over 20 years. And I must mention Sheri�s books which have enabled me to look at the whole sorry situation with fresh eyes. I now see that I cannot stop my son choosing not to talk to us but I hope that he too realises he cannot prevent my choice, which is to live as peaceful a life as I can achieve. My thoughts are with all those affected by estrangement.

We weren't given a reason, except for the very clear reason we were given!

quote:

I had already seen this new research and was angry at the title. I don�t like �attributions� because it implies we are making an �attribution error.� Why do they always make it sound like the parents are a bunch of idiots who overstep boundaries and make up explanations for our children�s behavior. I know very well that my son�s wife has a personality disorder. She has been diagnosed with one and shared the diagnosis with me back when she adored me.

So close, yet so incredibly far.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2021 21:46

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

spouse posted:

Here's a fun one:

19M - Slytherin attitude

well-known extremely smart video gamer loner lord voldemort.

A lot of people grow out of being turds in their teens, this guy is running out of time. Somebody tell him fast that he's an idiot. Maybe with punches.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2021 03:03

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for telling my sister in law get over me ruining her wedding

A home birth that takes 16 hours.

A big party for her 30th birthday- get over yourself. You know what I was doing for my 30th birthday? MOURNING MY DEAD MOTHER. If you're not actively weeping on your 30th you're ahead of the curve. I hope her brother and sister-in-law make the rest of the family choose between OP and them (and their triplets) and live the rest of their lives happily.

Gnoman posted:

Sharing this one because I've rarely seen so effective a way to say a lot about yourself while saying nothing at all.

Should I (24F) break up with my bf (24M) because of his bigoted opinions?

From the comments:

"I indulge in socio-political content and like to discuss the same with the people around me. " rear end in a top hat.

Barudak posted:

Drake meme no -> Catgirls
Drake meme yes -> ~~Catboys~~ actual cats

ftfy

# ¿ Oct 31, 2021 20:15

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Funktastic posted:

AITA for being annoyed when my nephew always orders the most expensive food on the menu?

Simple answer: don't go to dinner with them anymore.

Power move: go to dinner with them, leave before the check arrives, drive away giggling.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2021 21:47

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

spacetoaster posted:

You can buy a tree that's already a few years old.

And sure, you will have to wait a year, or two, but so what?

I suppose fighting with random strangers forever is also an option.

Just remove every unripe lemon from the tree before anyone can get it. Now everyone's unhappy.

Miserable Maid posted:

Me 26M my gf 26F cheated on me with a friend 27M and have left me for him, they both want me to remain friendly with them so does all my other friends.

Luckily, it only took a couple hours before Reddit got him to put his head on straight:

What always gets me about these stories (and its happened to me too!) is where someone is clearly disliked by the rest of the friend group, or at least liked the least, but the group tries desperately to keep them around when they try to leave

Although I guess in this case they don't want to feel guilty so they think being friends will make it go away

It's like the episode of Parks and Recreation where Jerry retires and they have to get him back before someone becomes the next him.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2021 06:51

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

spouse posted:

Also the boyfriend is Gus Johnson the internet comedian, so that's a fun thing.
Content warning for abortion and emotional abuse:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIXuo4fclcw

Oh no

he got milkshake ducked

# ¿ Nov 7, 2021 03:33

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Xachariah posted:

Taste is subjective, you got used to the taste now anything different is worse.

Was a coke addict as a teen, whenever I visited New York for vacation I had one can of coke there and that was enough for me, didn't like it. Also peanut butter and jelly is actually gross and I felt betrayed by the movies. The pizza was nice though.

EDIT: Oh yeah it was during Halloween too so I got some chocolate from trick or treating. I donated most of it to the kids of the people we were staying with though 'cause I didn't like the taste of your chocolate either.

American chocolate is garbage. Years ago when I went to the UK I was mailing British candy bars back to my family in NY like an immigrant sending money back to their family in the old country.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2021 20:49

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

feedmegin posted:

That's because American companies bought all the British ones in the last decade or so.

That makes sense

I went to Britain 17 years ago. The Snickers bars were like ambrosia. Peanut flavored ambrosia.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2021 00:12

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

OGDanDogg posted:

You put them in a bouncer/playpen and do the cooking, dishes, laundry, etc.

Was just thinking that this would be my technique too. I have a friend with a two-year-old who is very free range. Every time this kid starts moving towards the road/creek/wherever I have a quiet panic attack. Little kids need leashes. They knew this back in the old days.

Uncle ShortyB posted:

This is just too god drat cute I love it.

Anyway, talking about PII and poo poo like that at my job has me thinking a certain type of way so make way for some content!!!

AITA for not giving my sister our mortgage paperwork?

I spent some time with the friend mentioned above over the weekend and we talked about how completely willing people have been to expose her child to illnesses, like they just absolutely do not give a poo poo about reasonable precautions that everybody should take around infants, or should take in general in a pandemic. I cannot get over that. There was a measles outbreak before covid (measles is extremely dangerous for babies) and people wouldn't even wash their hands when they visited.

Speaking of people like this,

quote:

Our daughter and her husband had their first child at the start of the pandemic, and suddenly, my daughter didn�t want anything to do with me. I had reached out to offer help, ask if I could stop by, called just to talk, you know, like a normal parent does, and every time, I felt that she was upset about something. So, I would wait two weeks or so and call or text again. Each time I did so, I felt more and more rejected. Last Thanksgiving, my husband and I hosted the family dinner. At the end of the evening, both my daughter and her husband yelled at me because they thought I had broken one of their rules. Our only granddaughter doesn�t know us. We weren�t invited to her first birthday at her other grandparents� home, though both our sons and significant others were there. My husband has unfollowed her on Instagram, and I only look at her posts during moments I�m feeling very brave. I still don�t know why we aren�t welcome in their lives, and don�t know if I ever will. Holidays are so hard.

"My daughter, who was caring for a newborn baby during a pandemic, didn't have time to talk on the phone and didn't want me to physically come over during (again) a pandemic. Then she and her husband thought I broke one of her rules. What was the rule? It doesn't matter, because her rules don't matter. Anyway, why won't my daughter have a relationship with me? It makes no sense!"

quote:

Jaylene, a widow whose only daughter is estranged, said she recently looked in the mirror and�in her words�saw a cold-hearted mother staring back. �I decided not to give my estranged daughter holiday gifts this year,� she said. �I�ve become indifferent. I guess I�ve healed so well that I no longer care.�
. . . .

With support, Jaylene made decisions about the holidays that sustained her self-growth and forward focus. She would send an e-card because it didn�t feel �right� not to acknowledge the holidays�and admitting her hope was honest. She would not send a gift or otherwise reach out though because that would feel like stepping backward into pleasing-her-daughter mode. She could live with this decision. It didn�t mean she was a bad person, cold-hearted, or even indifferent.

I love how everything about the situation is about her. Even giving gifts, which is supposed to be about the other person, is about her.

AceClown posted:

I remember a throwaway chapter in on of the Belgariad books where they have to take shelter in this house and it's a family of total narcissist horrible people. Anyway, when they leave Garion is all like "holy poo poo they are terrible people, we should do something" and Beldin I think is all like "if you can think of a better punishment than letting these vile people live out the rest of their lives, never finding happiness, in each others company then by all means share it" and Garion is all like "daaaamn that's fuckin cold, but also fair"

anyway, it's been 20 years since I read those books and this thread makes me think of that chapter often, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

It really is sort of horrible, though, knowing that they're stuck like this. No matter how much they make other people suffer, those people can escape. Theoretically they could go through some intense therapy, but they never do. They're stuck with themselves.

Estranged parents are a drug and I am addicted.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2021 00:55

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

JeremoudCorbynejad posted:

I once got a tiny scratch from a monkey in Nepal and I went batshit crazy about possibly dying of rabies

After doing hours of panicked research on the web I finally decided the chances of me having got rabies was next to nothing. But if I did hoooo boy I was in for some poo poo.

It's pretty terrifying because everything I've read suggests that as soon as a symptom appears, it's already too late for treatment

The flip side to this is apparently if you get the full vaccines before you show symptoms, you'll be okay. If this story is real, this woman is running a total scam.

OP's comment:

quote:

She got back this weekend. She was gone for 2 weeks, and the bite happened at the beginning of the vacation. Part of why she opted out of getting the rest of the shots was because she did feel really lovely and rundown and missed out on snorkeling or something the day after she got the first round of shots, and didn't want the rest of the shots to mess up her vacation. And she was convinced that missing the shots wasn't a big deal, and that the doctors didn't tell her how important getting the full set of shots was.

drat. I've messed up hilariously in my life, but "I'm going to forgo medical treatment so I don't ruin my vacation" is way out of my league. Like somebody posted recently, there are people out there who can't be reasoned with because all they care about is what they want at that moment. They are pure Id.

The story is very believable, if not true, because people are morons about their healthcare. Years ago I read some evangelical Christian propaganda about how you should become a Christian because if you were sick, wouldn't you want the best medical care and the best doctors, therefore wouldn't you ? (This was before Steve Jobs was diagnosed with cancer and I think before the "vaccines cause autism" movement really hit it big in the US.) I haven't thought of that in ages but it popped into my head recently because of how stupidly people are responding to Covid. I also enjoy reading horrible stories from health care professionals and there's been stuff like the woman who had to have the same eye operation three times because instead of going home and lying down quietly she went to family dinners and stuff. Because the alternative to screwing up recovery from an operation on her eyeball was that she didn't get to go to a family dinner.

There was also a story about a kid who had an eye operation and then went on a roller coaster at an amusement park a few days later, but I give that kid a pass because we're all morons at age twelve; the adults were really the ones who failed there. Anyway, that one couldn't be fixed and now he doesn't have that eye anymore.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2021 18:29

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

ScienceSeagull posted:

Is there a thread for stories like that here? Sounds like great procrastination reading material.

Could they go into this thread? I once had to have surgery on my hand (never try to open a window by pushing out against the glass instead of up against the frame, kids) and a full year later, after everything had healed beautifully, the washing machine wouldn't open so I smacked it in frustration and my palm hit the edge in just the right way that it jostled the repaired nerve. Took years for it to get back to normal and there's still a spot at the tip of my little finger that feels a bit static-y when I touch it. The doctor didn't warn against doing things like this, but to be fair he couldn't have foreseen that "Don't hit washing machines" would turn out to be necessary advice.

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 22:06 on Nov 17, 2021

# ¿ Nov 17, 2021 21:45

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

cumshitter posted:

AITA for just leaving instead of accepting my "most annoying" award?

comment:

quote:

I don't know, one man's roast is another man's 'hey I'm actually cripplingly insecure about that but thought no one noticed, thanks'. Assholes all round here, barring OP

I was voted "Most Quiet" in my senior year. Turned out I had crippling social anxiety that required years of therapy and antidepressants to get me to some semblance of normalcy. Hooray!

Fortunately it wasn't at prom, which I didn't go to anyway. It was for the yearbook and I just didn't turn up to have my photo taken because I had better things to do. I mean I was there at school when the photos were being taken, and I was completely free and had nowhere to be and actually walked past the place where they were taking the pictures, but having my picture taken for the awards section was less important than NOT having my picture taken for the awards section.

Anyway, it was nice to get out of high school.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2021 23:28

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

ponzicar posted:

I was voted "Most Talkative" in my middle school yearbook since I was a really shy and awkward kid. I played along and let them take a picture of me holding a telephone. I didn't mind much at the time, but looking back, I kinda wish I told them to go gently caress themselves.

Yeah. lovely jokes like that can really affect people.

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

However bad you think shots are, ~~rabies and tetanus~~ the diseases are worse.

There's some television show called "History Cold Case" or something, where a bunch of experts in things like archaeology and osteology and forensic science look at a skeleton from history and try to figure out who it was, how they died, etc. It's not a great show but it's pretty fun. There was one episode where they found the skeleton of a man with a genetic anomaly where his left knee and elbow were fused in bent positions- there wasn't even a joint, just solid bone. And all the evidence pointed to him having been part of the army! Someone on the show said that in the 1600s, when this man had lived, there wasn't really a concept of "disabled" and "not disabled." It was so easy to go from able-bodied to disabled, due to illness or injury that couldn't be treated well, that the line between the two effectively didn't exist. It was sort of a spectrum of how well your body functioned and you just did the best you could with what you had. The realization that physical disability- as we would consider it- was so endemic really stuck with me. It was one of those moments when I realized how unlike the past the modern world is, in ways I'd never even considered.

So many people in developed countries will never see illnesses like smallpox or measles. There was some video of a woman arguing that polio has been eradicated from the United States and therefore we don't need to vaccinate for it. I wanted someone to ask her, "If nobody is vaccinated, what will keep it from coming back?" to see the wheels in her brain grind to a stop.

That was way off topic. Here's some content.

Help! My Partner Wants Everyone to Use His Phallic-Sounding Nickname.

I can't get to the whole thing because it requires a subscription, but here's what I was able to read:

quote:

My partner, whom I love and will likely marry, has an unfortunate nickname from his youth, a form of his name that�s often associated with a child, or, in many cases, a penis. Think �Dickie� for Richard, very similarly phallic. He loves this name and everyone in his life who has known him since he�s a kid still calls him by it.

As you might have guessed, I hate this name. I feel uncomfortable using it to address a grown man, and the few times I�ve used it talking about him early on to family, friends, even my therapist, they all made fun of him.

Until now, professionally and with newer people, he�s always gone with �Rich.� Now he is embarking on a career change and wants to use �Dickie� on all his work. The idea is he�ll be successful and widely known professionally by this name. He knows I don�t love using it personally, and is fine with that.

Please tell me there is something I can say to suggest he stick with his current professional identity and avoid having to be with little Dickie forever.

I bet it's Rod.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2021 00:21

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Bruceski posted:

Teasing nicknames are weird. I was Brewski because I was an anxiety-riddled straightedge guy who would never get within ten feet of underage drinking. I hated it, but the guy who came up with it thought it was the funniest thing ever. Fast-forward a few years to college, a bit of a respelling to personalize it when I had to name a savefile, and then a night playing video games with people I actually liked and laughing about the whole thing, and now it's been my e-handle for ages.

It blows my mind that there's a chicken pox vaccine. It was just something we had to deal with growing up and hope it wasn't too bad.

Someday people just won't get shingles anymore. Shingrix will be obsolete.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2021 01:07

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Piell posted:

AITA for leaving a bra on the floor to stop my brother from coming into my room?

If they're so concerned with Biblical stuff, you'd think they would be more concerned with preserving their daughter's purity from male intrusion ha ha ha, I'm just kidding, these people are inherently garbage.

AITA I got mad at my wife because she caused me to fail an important interview

quote:

I(27M) and my wife(24F) have been married for 3 years. She is 6 months pregnant.

I have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a SAHM after the birth.

Today, I had this interview for a position at a very good IT company which would be paying triple my current salary.

There were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. I was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. The test was conducted on an online platform.

I had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation.

Just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. I ignored her because I would be disqualified from the interview if I looked anywhere else or spoke... I figured she'd get the hint that I couldn't talk. But she didn't she yelled at me calling me an AH and went on to talk to her friends on call. It didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. It was extremely distracting and I made a lot of mistakes in the exam

It was a multiple choice questions based test so I got the results immediately and as expected I had miserably failed it.

I was livid at my wife. This was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. I told her that I give up on trying to make her life easier and that I'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. I told her to start working again after the birth and that I am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter.

She said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home.

AITA?

# ¿ Nov 18, 2021 23:27

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Well, here's some estranged parents then

"I loving loathe my children, why won't they talk to me?"

quote:

My reply is to all the mother�s going through this day saddened by it�s real meaning�I had 2 children both daughters. They are 35 and 40 years of age with families of their own. We are not perfect�but gave �all� we had to give. The problem for me is�just how easy it was for them to throw me away like I was a piece of trash. Is this real love? Everyone suggests going to therapy, which I have done. But I think this is a huge problem�the therapy�everyone wants to put a �name� on this or put this estrangement is some type of category, I refuse that approach. Here�s why�my family history was no picnic either�but we �talked� with one another and found ways to work it out! I would never dream of �throwing � away one of my parents. This is called RESPECT! In this �digital/technical� world that we live in now�.it�s no wonder the family is breaking apart. The intimacy of our families is replaced with phones, computers , and TV. I have no idea how to fix this. I am 64 years old and admit that the future scares me. But I AM going to make some changes�.I am going to put me first and not those �snotty nosed�, spoiled, kids who call themselves HUMANS!

This woman is just insane I think

quote:

I was the biggestt octo mom ever also helicopter mom
MY WHOLE LIFE WAS ABOUT MY KIDS THATS WHY IT WAS INCONCEIVABLE TO ME THAT 2 OUT OF 3 DID THIS TO ME
MY FIRST REACTION WAS COMPLETE DISBELIEF THIS WAS MY LIFE SELF ESTEEM MY HEART MY SOUL
I WAS NOTHING NEVER LIVED INVISABLE DEAD WITHOUT MY KIDS I ALWAYS LOVED THE SAYING �NEVER EVER NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE AWAY YOUR SPARKEL� SO MANY MEAN JEALOUS TRIED TO; BUT MY RESPONSE WAS I LIVE A HAPPY LIFE AND COULDNT CARE LESS ABOUT YOUR OPINION I WAS TOLD BY MANY THAT MY HAPPINESS SPARKLED THROUGH MY EYES I KNEW I WAS IN TROUBLE WHEN I HAD TO PRACTICE MY SMILE IN THE MIRROR WHEN THEY LEFT I WONT GO THROUGH IT ALL BUT TWO OF MY KIDS WERE BY FAR THE CRUELEST PEOPLE ALONG WITH THEIR HUSBANDS I HAD EVER SEEN. WHEN I TOOK THEM PLACES IN MY MIND I COUNTED 1 2 3 ALL NIGHT MAKING SURE THEY NEVER LEFT MY SIGHT NO SPANKINGS NO PUNISHMENTS JUST LIFE LESSONS WE SPENT EVERY DIME GIVING THEM HUGE BIRTHDAY AND HOLIDAY PARTIES NOTHING TOO MUCH ALL WERE INVITED
THEN THESE DIRT POLITICIANS STARTED THEIR LIES AND THE TRUTH WAS NOT IN THEIR HISTORY BOOKS NOT WHAT I LIVED THROUGH THEY BEGAN SEEING US AS EVIL ALTHOUGH THEY WERE BOWING TO EVIL WE ALWAYS SAID AGREE TO DISAGREE WHICH DID NOT SUIT THEM WE WERE JUST EVIL THEY LEFT US AND BLOCKED ME NOT ON ONE BUT TWO OF MY BIRTHDAYS IN LAYMANS TERMS THEY KILLED US MY DR SAYS THIS IS DOING IRREPABLE DAMAGE TO THEIR CHILDREN WHO WE HAD A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEY DONT CARE THEY ARE CRUEL HATEFUL AND HEARTLESS ALSO I WAS HUMILIATED AS THEY WERE THE MOST IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE I PRAY MY MESSAGE IS THEY WILL OPEN THEIR EYES AND RETURN APOLIGETICALLY I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I JUST CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IVE ENDURED HOLIDAYS BIRTHDAYS AND MOTHERS DAYS FOR SOME REASON I CANT DO THIS ONE I JUST CANT ITS OVER FOR ME I CAN ENDURE ANY MORE HEARTBREAK SINCE THEY THREW US OUT I HAVE DEVELOPED HEART PROBLEMS (TWO TYPES OF MEDS) AN ANYERISM AND MOST RECENTLY LYME DESEASE WHICH I WAS TOLD I HAD HAD WAY TOO LONG MY BONES KILL ME I SLEEP UNTIL 2 AFTER ALL TESTS WERE DONE ON ME IWAS PUT ON HYDROCHLOROQUINE AND PAIN MEDAS (25 VIALS OF BLOOD) AND EX RAYS ON EVERY JOINT IT IS FATAL CANNOT BE CURED AT MY AGE BUT WITH MY MEDS IT IS MANAGEABLE SEVERAL DRS SAID I WAS SICK AND COULD DIE FROM A BROKEN HEART I TAKE MY MEDS AND REMOVE MYSELF FROM ANY UPSETTING SITUATION I CAN THIS IS PURE EVIL TAKING OF ALL THINGS YOUR MOST PRECIOUS POSESSION MY KIDS I KNOW GOD WILL SWOOP IN AND SAVE THE DAY BUT THIS MOTHERS DAY SEEMS TO BE MY BREAKING POINT TO FIRST BORN DAUGHTER YOUR HUSBAND CLEARLY ABUSES YOU WE KNOW HOW AND BY THE WAY SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND NOOO PRIVACY CAN GET ANYONE AND YOUR KIDS LOVE US; WHAT EVIL THING DID YOU TELL THEM? THE DEVIL LAUGHS AT YOUR WEAK SOUL TO MY SECOND WHO HAS ALWAYS WALKED AWAY FROM ANYONE ALL THE TIME NEVER LOOKING BACK THIS EPIDEMIC IS SUITED TO YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE THE SWEETEST BEST BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER WE COULD HAVE WISHED FOR THE EVIL IN YOU IS UNHIDEABLE I PRAY EVERY DAY AND NIGHT FOR BOTH OF YOUR REDEMPTION AS YOU FOLLOW EVIL WHILE PLAYING AN ACT AND AFTER ALL THIS; WE STILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY GUESS TRY AS WE DID YOU WENT OFF WITH EVIL AS SOON AS YOU SAW IT MY ONLY WISH FOR YOUR SALAVATION TO MY YOUNGEST I KNEW FROM CONCEPTION YOU WERE AND OLD WISE SOUL SENT TO SAVE US YOU HAVE MANY TIMES I KNOW YOU HAVE A HIGH PLACE IN HEAVEN THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE SUPPORT AND CARING HEART IT IS IRREPLACABLE

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quote:

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This is somewhat embarrassing, isn�t it?
It seems we can�t find what you�re looking for. Perhaps searching can help.

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I am searching for help, goddamnit! And if your not going to let me in your forum or group then why the gently caress do you link to it like you do?

quote:

This conscious choice to exclude the more reserved parents of estranged children is terrible. If I knew I would be purposefully punished for being shy, I never would have used this use this site to try and heal from the abuse of my 2 EC.

I don�t know what to do, with (website manager's)�s explicit rejection of me, in addition to the rejection of my son an daughter. It is really difficult to accept and I feel worse now than at any point in my attempt to heal. This is greatly shameful.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2021 23:50

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

captainOrbital posted:

This is from a few pages ago, but in case anyone wanted to read that:

I tried not to change too much aside from just punctuation, capitalization, and spacing.

Thank you for what you have done

Johnny Truant posted:

Lmfao at estranged garbage mother claiming she got Lyme disease from her kids abandoning get, and that any doctor would tell her you could die of a broken heart

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for telling my aunt to �flash those tits� for a family group photo?

r/relationships: grounded me (not that she can since I Am 18+)

# ¿ Nov 24, 2021 23:07

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

ghost emoji posted:

give me your mushrooms

AITA for yelling at my mom for not letting me cut the mushrooms for dinner (self.AmItheAsshole)

This is so bizarre that I desperately want a follow-up

eta: like, extreme childishness, or vague autism? Mushroom kink? How old is this person? Can they not make mushrooms for themselves and therefore cut mushrooms whenever they want? What is happening?!

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 04:30 on Nov 25, 2021

# ¿ Nov 25, 2021 04:20

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Mr. Fall Down Terror posted:

you know she'd be constantly bombarded with texts and calls accusing her of being unsupportive for not hosting two dozen people in her home

i mean the real nuclear option would be to invite everyone and then check into a nice hotel for a few days with the kid and let the family watch pissbaby husband wallow and flounder as he is entirely helpless without his absent wife but at that point she may as well serve him papers

Okay but consider: just serving him papers isn't funny

quote:

My youngest child, my daughter became angry with me when her father passed away about 18 mos ago. She cut off contact with me for about 6 weeks but we managed to get back on track. Then in September of 2020, she got mad at me, for what i�m still not sure, and she cut me off again and has refused to let me see my 4 yr old granddaughter who i had a wonderful relationship with. So good in fact, she used to bug my daughter to take her to see nana. I left it alone for a few months. I saw her at Christmas and that was the last time. I�ve never known a pain like this. I�ve tried a few times to talk to her, most recently today but she told me if i tried again, she�d file for a restraining order to keep me away. This is the same daughter who just 2 years ago said she could never move to another state because she couldn�t be that far away from her mom. There were times when she�d call me to thank me for being a good mom and when she was pregnant, she said she wanted her daughter to spend as much time as possible with me because there are things about life that only i could teach her. From the day she moved out at age 19, no less than 3 nights a week, she�d send me a text that simply said i love you mom. I have no idea how to deal with this pain or how to fix it. I�ve had days that i cried so much i ended up dehydrated. I have dreams where she�s little and i�m begging her to not hate me when she grows up.

She posted this at the end of March. The greatest pain she had ever experienced was not seeing her grandchild for four months.

quote:

I can sympathize with all the parents who are in the same situation as I am. Fortunately, my daughter and her husband have set up a page on their phone where they can post pictures/videos of my two grandchildren for various members of their family which includes 4 grandparents, aunts and uncles. I will give them credit for that because that at least allows me to see updated pictures of my two precious ones and I love it. Periodically they will do Facetime with me and my husband which they did on/about Halloween and Thanksgiving. We haven�t been around our grandkids since about February due to COVID, so they already have pulled away from us, not much interested in talking to us on the phone or being excited to see us. We had established a fairly close relationship with the kids as they only live about a 3-hour drive from us but now the parents won�t let us come around at all, even with masks.

The four of them have completely isolated themselves from the world as they�re afraid to get sick. Anyhow, not knowing when we�ll be able to see the kids anymore, I�ve started a spiral notebook on our relationship with each of the kids. If they never see us again (we�re in our 70s), when we pass away, maybe someone will hand these notebooks to the kids and they�ll know how much we loved them and see pictures of us with them. I still have little to no contact with my daughter. If I text her, it may take days, sometimes weeks, before she responds and then it�s usually just an emoji. I would like a conversation with her but she�s not much interested. When we Facetime, she�s very talkative though. She just doesn�t want me and my husband in their lives.

If I send clothes for the kids, I may see them on them�or not. When I ask about them, I�m told she and her husband didn�t like the clothes so didn�t use them. What??? If I send a Valentine card for the kids, 2 months later in a photo I may still see it sitting on the counter unopened, not displayed so the kids can see it. The same with a birthday card I send to my daughter. She never acknowledges it and it appears still in the envelope on the kitchen counter. I�ve always thought I just need to stop sending her a birthday card then I talk myself out of it thinking what a bad mom I would be for not sending a card. This year, 2020, I will not send a card though. I�ll do as she does which is send a Happy Birthday text later at night, after the day is over. She has no care or concern for me and my feelings. I�m very sad but am trying to move on with my life. Sheri�s book has been so helpful and I would encourage everyone who hasn�t read it, to do so. I encourage all moms to pick themselves up and try to move forward. Decorate your house for the Christmas season, talk to friends on the phone about pleasant subjects, take lovely walks enjoying the changing of the colors outside and make friends with life. I try not to spend all of my time focusing on my grandchildren and what I no longer have. I like to think I have a lot of life left in me and I need to enjoy doing things nice for myself and others. Peace to all of us.

I don't like posting this stuff in the Estranged Parents thread anymore because I'm afraid it will give someone a flashback.

And I like this one because it's such a good insight into how these people think:

quote:

Hi Everyone and I hope this finds you all OK. Just some thoughts after a couple of interesting happenings around Father�s day.

All chn contacted their dad, one by sms, one let the grandchildren skype and the other just rang. Two of them promised him a letter and a present. As it has been over 2 weeks and no letter or present I decided to sms with �Have you sent letter/pressie as we are going away and do not want mail sitting in our letterbox�. Response from one was �h it is sitting on my table I keep forgetting to send it, The other said, you said you were away so I didn�t send. So, as to set record straight I immediately sms�d back, don�t worry and where did you get the idea we were away? you said you were away. !! Nope didnt but it had been read into an sms from a while ago. Finally got a OOOOHHH I assumed!!! It is sad to see husband/dad sad and he says it doesn�t hurt but I know it does.

So, thinking about these things I think I may have come up with an answer for me anyway ( besides all the others)

1) Hind site is AWESOME and as I have said before I am sure we all did the best with the situation we were in and if that is not good enough looking back is not going to make it any better.

2) I think they all thought they could do a better job than we did. Only to find out that the adult world/real world is very very different from the perceived one they had. Having children is B**** hard relentless work, Paying bills, working, bring money in, budgeting, in our case moving over 20 times around the country for husbands job, all add up to the stress and strains that they are immune from as children/teenagers. They think/know they can do better until they have to�� then the guilt/realization/ concept that they can�t do better and that the entire process is very very difficult but cannot admit so then start blaming their parents as they are really easy targets for their outlets.

So, as I have said before we are off to enjoy our lives an the ball is well and truly in their court.

Ah yes, children and teenagers, famously known for having no problems, particularly with moving multiple times.

# ¿ Dec 3, 2021 01:24

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Sisal Two-Step posted:

My favourite type of poster on the Estranged Losers forum is definitely the one who isn't even actually estranged.

To recap: the daughter is in frequent communication, posts photos for her to look at, allows safe contact with the grandkids, and sends messages on holidays. But because she's not immediately available at all times, and because she's trying to keep her unvaccinated kids safe (no mention of granny's vax status, I noticed), she's "pulling away".

The controlling stuff about the gifts and cards is insane. So many of these parents keep thinking that "if I don't send a card to my adult child who told me they never wanted to hear from me again last time we talked four hundred years ago then they'll think I'm a bad parent!" My late mother used to send me cards and now my dad doesn't send me cards and both are fine. Sending a card doesn't make you a good parent and not sending a card doesn't make you a bad parent. And if you do this sort of scorekeeping in relationships, you're already the loser. Because you're insane.

I can't imagine what it must be like living with a person like this.

# ¿ Dec 3, 2021 21:51

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

quote:

My story has elements of the same stuff, the WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED? Mine played out with a religious attachment to it, which for me makes the HURT more bizarre. Imagine having a son that was a youth pastor. Who got that position YOUNG, because the former one, a good guy, got railroaded out by this family that didn�t LIKE him and agitated to the point of heartbreak for him and his family that he just exited. This family did NOTHING but agitate to get everything they wanted. Imagine having this woman that caused so much grief sit in your living room and CLAIM your son for her daughter as her future spouse, when they weren�t even dating and he had NO interest. WEIRD. Most people steered clear of them, and didn�t interact with their drama for self preservation reasons. I didn�t appreciate her coming to me with a DEMAND like this. I kindly said, the kids were TOO young, had no history of dating and I wouldn�t entertain any such notions, and asked her to leave my home. Her kids were isolated, she decided WHO they would associate with and who they wouldn�t. She was an all consuming control type and pushed until she got what she wanted, and used whatever tactic she could to get HER WAY. I just dismissed this as a strange encounter. Boy was I naive. Her kids were socially awkward due to their extremely domineering mom. What happened, occurred so QUICK that it just is bizarre and nothing in my life prepared me for this type of ambush. My son went off to college, while away she and her daughter arrived to visit, several times WHO does this? Didn�t know anything about these �visits�. My son never mentioned them at all, maybe he couldn�t process them. I don�t know. She stopped going and just sent the daughter. In a span of 6 mths, my son changed. Ok, kids grow up, find their own way, it is how you want their life to go. You try to believe you prepared them, and let them have their own journey. He was 20. What you don�t want is him cutting off ALL the good influences, which I was hearing about through long time friends who were perplexed and hurt, coming to me and asking what happened as well. He was ABSORBED into a family that most people shunned due to their controlling ways. This girl wasn�t at all what you want for your kid to be associated with on ANY level-won�t say why but every parent wants BETTER for their kid, just saying. Lots of issues due to an all consuming mom. She was told her mom would pick her future, or she would be put out. She PICKED my son for her family, as if she had a choice. She couldn�t/wouldn�t DARE go against her mom. Meanwhile folks would come and tell me don�t let that family get a foothold, they are TROUBLE. Several pastors came and told me the same thing. All these warnings, and I guess I didn�t comprehend the seriousness of what was going down behind the scenes. Then BAM.

I got a call, from my son on spring break that he was in town, staying with this family. WHAT? I mean WHAT? WHY? HUH? This is not what the plan was, he was coming home, and we had discussed all the events he would like to accomplish I had NO knowledge that anything was amiss, or different. Then it went SOUTH, in an instant, with NO warning. Oh and by the way he was engaged.

Sidenote. This daughter had tried to befriend me at church services. I had switched churches awhile back to not be associated with his �work� or caught up in church drama unfolding, and truthfully, I was happier in the new church as I didn�t LIKE what went down with the Youth Pastor ordeal, or how my son was appointed to his new �job�. During those months, she would show up and try to befriend me and I didn�t GET it. I had absolutely nothing in common and she wanted info on my son and I wasn�t offering any. I caught her in many lies and was turned off. She did say her mom had chosen her future and she wasn�t comfortable with it. I couldn�t relate to this at all, didn�t know them well enough to comment, I had just heard of situations where her mom caused tremendous grief to others. I think the Pastor didn�t KNOW how to deal with them either. So I didn�t go there with her. I wasn�t wanting any association or involved in any drama of that family.

Back to the call-it was like talking to a stranger, not the son that had been so close to. I hadn�t noticed ANYTHING different in our dealings up to that call. Looking back I guess my former son chose not to share ANYTHING pertaining to his interaction with that family. I was TOLD by church folks how it played out. He was TOO young for marriage, and this girl wasn�t marriage material from ANY standpoint. He couldn�t provide financially, he was just getting through his first year. It was all making NO sense. At Christmas he was dating a lovely girl, I don�t even know what happened there. NO one discusses that, but it wasn�t really serious, just friends I think. He just said to me, in a very condescending tone (not at all the norm) I will marry her, it is not up for discussion, just want you to hear it from me, and oh by the way I am not talking to you anymore if you can�t get onboard. Of course I couldn�t get on board. Why was he willing to THROW out his future for a girl he NEVER expressed any INTEREST in, which wasn�t his way at all. The biggest question I had, was if this is the LOVE of your life, why wouldn�t he TELL me that, or SHARE anything about it, or sneak around. This was NOT the nature of our relationship EVER. He told me everything, he told his long time friends everything, and they were in the DARK as much as I was and NO ONE understood. We were cut off. Maybe the person we use to know wasn�t his authentic self, but this person is no one I want ties with despite a DNA connection. The whole conversation played out in less than a few moments, and shattered my world. It made NO sense. The disrespect was ENORMOUS, not the son I ever knew-not the person ANY of us knew, it was like an impostor. All I said is have a great life, since I was deleted from it. The next months played out in ugly fashion. Numerous visits from those knowing him, telling me they didn�t understand. NO ONE understood, especially me. Then I heard the blow by blow account of how this woman/mom was spreading LIES about me. I bowed out at the phone call completely. I didn�t talk to anyone but close friends, not associated with the church. Everyone was as shocked as I was. NO ONE could process how this played out. I don�t have to be told, or claw, or fight my way to have a relationship with anyone who says they are DONE with me.

The wedding came and went. I didn�t attend, nor would I. The hurt was TOO much. It was his life, he deleted me and that was the end of it. I wouldn�t interfere. The girl attempted to �include� me in various ways, which I found to be only manipulations. I didn�t HAVE a relationship with her, this needed to be settled with my son. Who wasn�t anyone I knew anymore at all. He eventually became the Pastor at that church. He does sermons on topics I find utterly offensive only because he doesn�t LIVE out what he is preaching about. He had two daughters. I lost a baby and it was very traumatic for me, I almost died in the process, and it was just a painful event/subject we couldn�t talk about much. He was 14, then, we did some grief counseling, but maybe not enough, WHO KNOWS. Everything about that event was ugly, I had blended a family and the event basically ended that relationship- too much scar tissue for everyone. When the marriage ended it was just us on our own, and we did our best to move ahead. He DARED to name the girl after her and for me, and the circumstances playing out with his bizarre union, was the absolute WORST thing ever. If ever a reconciliation could have happened. That severed it for me. It was meant to hurt, and I didn�t deserve that at all. The girl stepped up her game to get me involved with them with the birth of their daughter. I never took the bait. Had my son come to visit, TALK to me one on one things might have played out differently. He cut me out of his life on the phone call, I contend that it was his responsibility to reach out. He chose this family, he basically told me don�t DARE to be apart of my life any longer and I respected his boundary, wished him well, but I would NOT enter into their drama. His church was less than 5 mins from our house. I gave it 5 yrs, I heard through church folks, that I was weaved into sermons as how NOT to act. WOW. I never KNEW I was the enemy. Oh well. I was just a mom, trying to be a good one.

He started it with lies, he cut me off in a phone call. His wife tried to soothe the issue, but for me it isn�t so much about her as it was about my son cutting me from his life on a phone call that made NO sense. They have a good life from what I know. I left the state as there are nothing but bittersweet memories there. The son I knew died, this man that he became isn�t a guy that any of us recognize, nor anyone I would pursue if there wasn�t a DNA link. If his choice works for him, GREAT. No malice on my part, just mostly lack of understanding. I stopped trying to process it. If the boundary was given that you are cut off, then nothing can be done. Those pastors that all visited me to warn me about this family and told me to not let him associate with them. All have accepted it, and the ties are restored. In many ways I guess I am the scapegoat for the scenario. If he is happy, that was what I wished for ALL his life. I refuse to be linked to toxic folks. As a family they run their lil church and it seems to work out, so blessings on them all. Funny, this ended up with me working in the home healthcare industry. Probably because I can�t go to church anymore. I want to serve, I just can�t face �church� as I once knew it, so I work with the �least� of these, providing care and compassion to those with no one. Knowing what that is like, I guess I can relate and hope when my life gets difficult and I have to rely on others, that there is a compassionate stranger willing to come to my aid. I did find out over the years that many parents have had similar experiences of being cut off. Treated horribly when it wasn�t deserved. Funny how many of those I have shared with, came from worse family situations, they tried their utmost to be a better parent, and I think we WERE, but the kids feel differently for very questionable reasons. Maybe they will do better with their kids.

This is a nightmare to decipher but I'l try. First the Poster's version:

quote:

My family was just my son and me. We went to a church where there was a terrible family. One day the family's domineering and controlling mother, who decided who her children would associate with, and her daughter (Girl) visited and announced that my son was going to marry Girl. My son then went to college, where, without my knowledge, the mother and Girl visited him regularly. Girl also tried to develop a relationship with me and get information about Son, whom she was visiting regularly, but I was having none of it because she was the sort of kid you don't want your children to associate with. Then at Easter break my son called to say that he was staying with terrible family. He told me that he didn't want a relationship with me unless I could be happy for him. I wouldn't be happy for him, which meant that he had already rejected me. He married Girl. Girl tried to befriend me, but she was obviously manipulating me for unknown reasons; the only way my relationship with my son could be repaired would be if he (???). Then he and Girl had two children and named one of them after his sister who died as an infant when he was fourteen. This was done only to hurt me, as my son has no emotional connection to his sister whatsoever.

I wish I could be sure this was a troll.

Anyway, sane person translation: Poster was a horrible, controlling, domineering mother. Son met Girl and her family at church but didn't mention it to Poster, knowing she would make his life unbearable. Son kept the relationship a secret until he was able to get away from Poster for good. The family helped Son get a job as youth pastor in the church (did he finish school? unclear). Girl tried to be nice to Poster but Poster thought that Girl was (trailer trash? A slut? I really have no clue what was supposed to be wrong with her) and was manipulating her or something. Poster is now a victim forever while Son is happily married and has named one of his children after the little sister he never had the chance to know. As long as the church isn't some weird cult-y thing I'm content with how this has played out. I'd sort of like to see Poster having some more of a nervous breakdown. Get more information.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2021 03:24

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Cool Dad posted:

I haven't seen that happen, and I enjoy the occasional insane parent. Maybe people could make it clear when posts are from estranged parents at the top so people who aren't interested can skip them?

I will do this. I don't want to bring this poo poo into the estranged parents therad because it's morphed into things like this:

quote:

quote:
This thread is like the one place I can talk about stuff, so thanks.

quote:
On almost every page we have someone saying "oh poo poo, that's what was going on". Nobody's story is just about them, you also speak for those who haven't found the words yet.

And that is good an heartwarming and I don't want to gently caress with it.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2021 19:17

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Seth Pecksniff posted:

Griffin is a name that you only find with hedge fund Bros and rich failsons

And my friend's cat, who is very handsome and wonderful

# ¿ Dec 4, 2021 22:57

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

AngryRobotsInc posted:

That Catholic post just makes me think about how right now I could kill a man in front of my grandma, and still not be as bad as my uncle. Because he stopped going to Mass and is instead attending a *gasp* UU church.

Of the four people I know who go to UU churches, two were raised in the Roman Catholic Church. Unitarian Universalism is rehab for Catholic people.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2021 23:02

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Seth Pecksniff posted:

Lmao I didn't even catch that

Need catte pic pls

She's moving and I don't want to bother her for permission to post her cat

But imagine a gray tabby tom cat of considerable dignity and furriness, who likes laps and sushi, and sits/lies with one front paw curled around weirdly in a way that shouldn't be comfortable at all

eta: that sounds amazing. I should hire myself out to write dating website descriptions for animals

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 00:07 on Dec 5, 2021

# ¿ Dec 5, 2021 00:03

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Bug Squash posted:

That flapping establishes that Satan is powerless, ignorant and all evil to contrast with God's Omnipotence, Omniscience and Omnibenevolence.

I listened to it on audio book, and it kicked rear end. Definitely the best way to get through older books.

Truth, one of the few audiobooks I've enjoyed was Austen's Mansfield Park. I'd never known until listening to it being read aloud how much shade Austen throws in that book. (Also features a hugely dysfunctional family, although that's par for the course with Austen, so appropriate to this thread.)

# ¿ Dec 5, 2021 22:59

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

This story spirals to the point where it doesn't even seem real. Like a novella or something. Anyway.

I know people hate abbreviations but it's worth it to read this.

SIL = OP's sister-in-law
Niece = OP's niece, SIL's daughter
DH = OP's husband
FIL = OP's father-in-law, DH's father

quote:

Over the summer my SIL (a single mom) and my 5yo niece moved near us and I started caring for her. I had her full time for most of the summer. Now that she's in school she's usually dropped off at 6 (an hour before me or my kids need to be up, and we are not morning people), feed her breakfast, bring her to school at 9:30, pick her up at 1:45, and keep her until a bit after 5. So at least 7 hours a day not counting early dismissal days or evenings when my SIL goes to night school.

So far it's just not working out. My niece is a brat. She fights with my kids and generally disrupts my household. And I've been doing all this for free as a favor.

I told my SIL that she really should start looking for another option, but she is totally paranoid and doesn't want her daughter being cared for by anyone that isn't family. It turned into her crying and begging me I was still grumbling but agreed to a bit more time while she finds something else.

I had a long talk with my DH about how unhappy I was and that SIL does not seem to be making any attempts to find other childcare. So DH again had a talk with SIL about how this arrangement is not working and she needs to find alternate child care. She whined about being a single mom and not having alternatives (BS the school provides afterschool care which she qualifies for as a low income single mom, she would just rather leave her with family).

We had several confrontations about the behavior issues where SIL dismissed my concerns and basically said that any problems I'm having with her are because I'm an inadequate caregiver and her precious little snowflake can do no wrong. I wasn't getting anywhere and reminded her that she needs to find somewhere else. Soon.

Since then she is avoiding me. She sneaks and drops (Niece) off here and zips out before I can see her. When she picks up she's convieniently on the phone or in a huge rush and pops her head in the door to yell for (Niece) to run out to the car, or just honks for her.

Then there was an incident about a month ago. My niece said that she has a secret that she is not allowed to tell me. I figure that it's something silly so I say "Okay, better not tell me then". But she kept bringing it up and then says that her mom said that if she told me she would get spanked with a wooden spoon. Surprised That got me asking and she finally said that she had been up all night throwing up and having diarreah and even threw up in her mom's car on the way to my house. But her mom told her that she could not tell me and if she did then she would get spanked with a wooden spoon.

So I'm disgusted. First because, well, WTF?!? Then because the reason she had to hide it is because I have preemie twins and am immunocompromised myself (cancer survivor) who should not have been exposed like this. If her kid is that sick take the day off and stay home like anyone else would have to. I am so upset that she would deceive me that way, put my family at risk, threaten her daughter like that... Ugh!

I confronted SIL who claimed that her daughter made the whole thing up and was never sick. Whatever. I told her again that I cannot keep watching (Niece) and she needs to find something else!!! We are done today. Do not drop her off here tomorrow.

After apparently continuing the spanking at home, she made my 5yo neice call me and apologize for lying to me and beg me to let her keep coming to my house. Un-effing-believeable.

I told her that it was something for me and her mommy to talk about, not to worry about grown up problems, and that either way I still love her. My heart just broke a little bit though.

Guess what happened next...

I woke up to find neice hiding behind the couch in my living room. SIL used my hidden spare key (she knew where it was because she has come by on a few occasions to take care of our dog when we've gone away for a weekend) to very quietly let herself in and left her DD here with instructions to stay quiet and try to be un-noticed until school time. Surprised Scared the crap outta me.

And of course she wouldn't take my calls at work. When I found her neice sobbed to me begging me not to kick her out and promising to be better.

Since then she has continued to avoid me, won't take my calls, uses my spare key (which I've asked for back repeatedly) to sneak in and drop her off while I'm asleep and refuses to talk to me when she quickly picks her up.

We had another big blow up last Monday after my niece beat my dog, a sweet yellow lab, with a broom stick until he was wimpering and yelping in a corner of our yard. SIL said that was "normal kid stuff" and felt that I was persecuting her poor little girl. I lost it and became a total nut job myself and chased SIL to her car with that broom screaming that this babysitting arrangement was over.

She of course ignored that and sent her here the rest of the week. Friday evening I lost it again and kicked her and her daughter out of my house. I told her not to come back. It's over. I'm done. Period.

And I bet you can guess who ignored that and dropped her yesterday morning. So at my sister's advice I sent SIL a clear message in an email:

"Hey (SIL), To follow up on our conversation that we had Friday, I will no longer be caring for (Niece), and her last day with us will be this Wednesday, (date). Please return the house key to me on Wednesday when you pick up (Niece)."

This is her response:

"I�m taken back by this email when initially you were beyond supportive and helpful by helping my find my job, helping me find my apartment all on the cornerstone that my baby girl would be taken care for. For you to ripe the rug out from under me and my child and expect me to find suitable childcare in 48 hours is completely unrealistic.

I felt as though our conversation on Friday had no constructive criticism in regards to (Niece), I felt as though it was only a personal attack at my father in regards to a Disneyland trip. When there is nothing positive that can be gained from a conversation I shut down and it is difficult for me to then listen. It�s something I should work on.

I feel as though your decision to kick your sister in law and niece out on the street is thee definition of ruining family relationships.

I�m working on find a different childcare provider but I doubt I can do this in two days, if an extension can be given it would be greatly appreciated. I hope after reading this an agreement can be made that will foster support and love and not break ties"

quote:

I was planning on changing the locks after the deadline to return the key tomorrow. I don't think that I can trust that she won't just make a copy of the key before she returns it, if she returns it.

The backgground on the disneyland thing is that my DH's supervisor at work is their dad. Back in June when this year's school calendar came out DH put in for time off this Thursday/Friday since the kids have it off for veterans day and we planned on taking a 4 day weekend to go to Disneyland. A few weeks ago FIL told DH that there had been a clerical error and DH could no longer have those days off because they had also been "promised to someone else". We were disappointed but hey, it happens...Turns out that FIL decided to take SIL and neice to disneyland that weekend instead and he's the "other person" that needed those days off and needed DH to stay and manage things while he's out. I was pissed that SIL who knew how disappointed me and my kids were to cancel our trip would think that this was perfectly okay and I said it. But that was a teeny tiny part of the bigger conversation about neice's behavioral issues and how it wasn't working out for me to keep watching her.

quote:

I have been telling her for well over a month, if not almost two months, that she needs to find something else. I chased her with the broom yelling it last week on Monday. I screamed it at her and threw her out of my house on Friday. I sent the email yesterday saying that Wednesday is her last day. The 48 hours thing is also bull because niece is going to disneyland Thursday through Sunday and won't need any before or after school care until next Monday. That's a week, not 48 hours. Besides, she has been told numerous times to start finding something else and choose not to.

And Dh does agree with me. He thinks that SIL is rediculous. He's talked to her on the phone a few times, usually about once a week when things blow up, and told her that she has to find other care. She just ignores him too. And threatens to have their dad, DH's boss, get DH in line.

quote:

Of the two big blowouts one was regrettably in front of (Niece). That was last Monday when (Niece) was whacking my dog with the broom. When SIL tried to pull her usual yell for her and run I told her that we had to talk about "an incident". She said that she didn't want to talk to me and turned to leave pulling (Niece) along with her. I said that it was very serious, raising my tone some. She said again that she didn't want to talk and kept walking away and yes, I lost it and chased after her and yelled that I was done. I shouldn't have done that. But like I said this has been going on for so long, and I was so shaken up by what (Niece)had just done to my sweet dog, that I snapped. That is the only time that I've gotten into it with SIL in front of (Niece).

quote:

Lock changing is happening this morning. I was swamped with dinner and homework and baths and everything last night. But that way when she picks up her DD for the last time this evening she will have to knock and that should give her a clear indication that I'm serious.

We didn't see SIL this morning, and she seems to have had an idea that we would try to catch her because she must have dropped her DD off here wayyyy earlier than usual. She's normally here at 6:00 or 6:15ish, but today I made DH wake up early to talk to her himself and niece was already on our couch sleeping at 5:30am. So she's clearly stepping up her avoidance of us]
. . . .

I agreed to this situation because I do love my niece and had no idea how much work or how many hours would actually be involved. I live right across the street from the elementary school so in theory it would be easy for me to just pick her up when I walk over and get my own kids (1st and 3rd grade) and let them play together for a couple of hours. It didn't seem like a bad idea. But I hadn't spent much time with my niece, and it has pretty much always been at larger family gatherings so I didn't realize how challenging she is when you are her caretaker. And the number of hours that I was told I would be needed are not matching up with the reality.

I know that her behavioral issues aren't her fault. She has a crappy mom and a crappy situation... I have said that I am heartbroken for some of the things that have come up. But she clearly needs much more than I am able to give her while also dealing with my own 4 kids, including 1yo twins, one of which has (illness). I just can't give her the amount of attention that she needs to keep her behavior under control without neglecting my kids and as much as I love her and want to help that is just not fair to them.

I did have an email exchange with an acquaintaince of mine who is a CPS case worker after the vomiting/threatened with spanking with a spoon incident, because I was so upset over it, who said that all of the stuff that has happened so far is just not CPS worthy. There is clearly a lot of emotional abuse and poor parenting. But she wasn't actually hit with the spoon, it was a threat, she was spanked with an open hand which is legal. There is just nothing that can be proven or that is bad enough to warrant them stepping in. So I did look into that. She is one of the people that told me to get in writing a cut off date (my email) because then I will have proof and can call about abandonment if she tries to dump her here after that.

SIL has been using (Niece) to try to emotionally blackmail me. I will quietly away from the child tell her about issues that I'm having and tell her to find other care (yes, too nicely and doormat-ish I know...) because I don't want niece to be involved in that conversation. Then the next day, or in that one case later on the phone, (Niece) will be crying because after they left her mom told her all kinds of horrible things about how I don't want her here and think that she's a bad child and will instruct her to beg me not to kick her out. When I'm dealing with an upset crying child I do my best to reassure her that I love her and not to worry about our grown up issues. But I can't stop SIL from using that tactic which is effective, I mean it is really hard to follow up with cutting SIL off when I know that she will use it as proof to niece that the things she's been telling her are true.

quote:

Okay, here is the big update...

SIL showed up here much earlier than usual. She had to knock (locks changed!). I let her in and said that I needed to talk to her before she picked up her DD. My 6yo came walking by the hallway 2 rooms away and she yelled back to him to tell his mom (when I am 3 feet away from her) that she "has nothing to talk to her about and will not talk to her." Then niece hears her mom's voice and comes running out and SIL starts literally jumping up and down squealing "my little princess is going to Disneyland" "Aren't you excited to go to Disneyland my little (Niece's name)". At this point my 6yo (who was supposed to go to Disneyland this weekend but who's vacation was cancelled) runs off crying.

So she completely ignored me standing there. Wouldn't even look at me. I told SIL to leave and that "Our arrangement is over. There is no extension". I didn't want to say anything to bluntly right in front of the kids. She kept ignoring me and just bounced around telling (Niece) to grab all of her stuff and hurry so she can get to Disneyland. They left. I locked the new locks.

And I'm really glad that I did change those locks because when my 6yo was playing with niece this afternoon she told him that he should hide all of his most special toys. He asked why and she told him that her mom is really mad and is going to come and "steal money and things" from our house.Surprised So hide you special toys so that she won't steal those.

quote:

I do have a little bit of an update for you. SIL showed up at DH's work today. She said "Hi *insert DH's name*" to him. Her tone was kind of flat, but nothing overtly snarky. He said "Hi (SIL's name)" back and she walked past him to FIL's office where they had a long talk. I have no idea what was said, DH thinks that she was hitting up daddy for money which she does fairly often, but there must have been something about me thrown in too because for the rest of the day afterwords FIL was totally giving DH dirty looks and generally being grouchy towards him.

About Thanksgiving... I still am honestly not sure what to do. I really do see both sides as well. I think that I should wait a bit and see what happens over the next week or so before making a final decision. I think that either way could lead to further problems. And I need to get DH's take on what he wants to do.

The way his conversation with FIL about us being disinvited went it almost sounded like FIL was using our invitation as a bargaining chip to get me to keep watching neice. You know, if I don't keep up the free childcare the conflict might get in the way of us coming to Thanksgiving, but repent and apologize now and you can smooth it out and secure your invite. When it was clear that we were calling his bluff and the tactic didn't work then he came back and said that he really didn't want us to stay away and that we could come anyway.

There has been one very interesting new development though. Back when I started watching my neice SIL came to me about something. In the county that she used to live in she was getting subsidized childcare through a non-profit's program that would pay her childcare provider for her. It was only good while she was a resident in that county and would be void as soon as she moved down here, but she wanted to lie about her address to continue receiving it. and she also confessed that she and her old provider would lie about the number of hours that her child was watched and split the additional money.

She asked in a very indirect round about way if I might do that too. I of course being a honest person said "ummm that's illegal, hell no!" Surprised And that's the last that I heard about it... Until a caseworker from that agency called me today to find out why I had not returned the paperwork that needed to be completed for me to get paid yet. I told her that I was no longer watching neice, and was unsure about the paperwork and would "need to clarify some things" about it with SIL.

So from the sound of it SIL tried to go ahead with the scam without me knowing and I can totally screw SIL over and tell the caseworker the truth... or stay out of it.

quote:

I got some back story from the caseworker. This is a private non-profit organization and not an official county agency.

She said that SIL contacted her previous caseworker back in the begining of September to let them know that she had a new provider (me) as of August 2nd. Which is accurate, that is when I started having neice full time, the month of July was part time care here and there when SIL had an interview or was out apartment hunting or something.

The agency was going to send me out a bunch of forms and stuff for me to sign to formally become her provider through the program, but before that happened SIL called them back and told them that as of September 14th I was no longer caring for neice. So nothing further was done, they never sent the forms and they did not issue me a check. She kind of implied that their records showed that SIL dropped me to switch to another care provider, but the caseworker said that she wasn't able to confirm or discuss anything other than what specifically pertained to me.

Then 2 weeks ago, before I had the big blow up with SIL, she called the agency back and said that there had been a mistake and I had actually been caring for her child all along. So they needed to get the ball rolling to get me paid. They sent the forms out, to my correct address, but I never got them (SIL intercepted them?). And when two weeks had passed without me returning them the caseworker wanted to call and see why. That's the call I got yesterday.

So, they do not have my signature on anything. They do not have my social security number. They only pay by direct deposit and don't have my account information. Their records show that no money has been paid to me yet.

So I confirmed that I have been caring for neice full time from August 2nd, *when SIL moved here*, until November 10th when I ended our arrangement because of some "boundary issues" and mentioned SIL using my spare key to drop off her DD when I was unaware. I said that I was doing it as a favor for free and that I did not know about and was not involved in SIL requesting payment for me and that I had never received any paperwork from the agency.

The caseworker said that she was going to look into it and I said that I'd be happy to cooperate in any way that they need. She said that she was suspicious of SIL because usually when a childcare provider is expecting to be paid and has been working without payment for months they would be calling the agency demanding to know where their money is. Between that and changing her story about who was watching her kid for months some red flags were raised. So that backed up my story about not being involved and she seemed sympathetic to me. She'll give me a call back later and of course whenever she does I'll update.

I did leave out the scam that she was doing with the old provider overbilling and splitting the extra money because SIL just mentioned it that one time, I don't know the details, I don't even know who her old provider was. And I don't know how to prove that the provider didn't watch the child for the number of hours that she and SIL both signed off saying she did. But I'm sure that they'll examine her records well and after the other stuff I gave them.

quote:

DH and I still haven't made a decision about our Thanksgiving plans. I don't know yet if we'll be stopping by FIL's house in the morning before going to my parents or not. DH keeps going back and forth about what he thinks we should do.

After the new news that I got last night I'm leaning towards not going. A little back ground, for the last 10 or so years on the day after Thanksgiving I go out shopping with some relatives and then we go to a very nice expensive champagne lunch at the same place. We have to make these reservations 6 or more months in advance. It's a tradition and a very big deal to me... FIL (who is DH's supervisor and also knows about these plans) told him last night that he has to work the day after Thanksgiving this year. Which is crazy because their company is always closed that day, and even if it were open DH has seniority over everyone else in his dept and shouldn't be the one to have to come in, and he shouldn't spring it on us with only a weeks notice when I have to find a babysitter for 4 kids. So I think FIL is doing a little more PA punishment and I'm annoyed.

quote:

Okay, DH did not walk off. Whoever said that he was just venting to his sympathetic wife was right on. There wasn't even any particularly big blow up between him and FIL. Just more of the same dirty looks, giving DH a hard time and finding tiny little things to chew him out over, not allowing him to take a lunch break during a 12 hour day, that sort of thing. Combined with a couple of annoying jerky customers and DH having to make up the schedule and arrangements for them to be open next Friday he was having a really bad day and vented about it to me not FIL.

We talked about it and he knows that he does need to get things moving on either his own business or looking at a job at another dealership. Either way where he is now clearly isn't working out.

But of course I won't disappoint and have new drama to add... My sister came by this morning to take my older kids out to a park for a few hours. I thought that it was so sweet since she knew how hard the twins have been on me when they aren't feeling well. A bit after she picked them up my mom called to talk about our Thanksgiving plans, what kind of pies I'm bringing, that sort of thing, and she mentions how nice/surprising it was that my sister was bringing (Niece) to the park with my kids. My response of course was WTF!?!?

So I immediately call my sister's cell and she says that yes, she called my SIL and arranged to bring my niece along to the park to allow the kids to still have a nice relationship. My response was still WTF!?!?!? I told her that it was low and sneaky to set something like this up behind my back. She argued that all of my issues are with SIL and that she felt that having (Niece) out in a neutral location with my kids was a good thing to do.

I'm pissed. I am sure that somehow this will come back to bite me and I'll be the bad guy again. And now I have to deal with my own sister as well as the whole SIL mess.

Final update:

quote:

I just spent the last half hour cussing out my sister.

It gets even worse. After I called her and yelled at her on the phone she had the good sense to leave the park and take neice back to SIL's house... But when dropping her off SIL somehow invited her and my kids into her house and my sister went along with it. They hung out and drank hot chocolate. Sister claims that it would have been rude and reflected poorly on me if she declined SIL's invitation so she only went along with it to protect me. I call BS.

I am livid. I chewed her out, loudly and with a lot of cuss words. She is on a time out for awhile and cannot take my kids anywhere indefinitely.

I'm not mad at my mom. She suffered a traumatic brain injury a few years ago and mentally isn't the same, kind of like early alzheimer's symptoms. She's forgetful and doesn't understand things the way she used to. I'm grateful that my sister's plan seemed off enough to her to even mention it to me.

# ¿ Dec 11, 2021 17:43

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

mania posted:

OP's an rear end in a top hat of goatse sized proportions.

"She chose to get hurt" is so amazing that I hope I have the chance to apologize like this sometime in the future.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2021 00:14

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

mind the walrus posted:

I keep trying to remember that these kids are literally brain-deficient, but it's still hard. Like yeah a hotel isn't ideal but like... it's a hotel. You can make the best of it.

I was furious having to go to Las Vegas on vacation with my family at 16. And not just because Las Vegas sucks. Teenagers just don't want to be with their families sometimes. Fact of nature.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2021 01:40

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Uncle Enzo posted:

I'm sympathetic to the 15 year that doesn't want to spend 2 weeks in a hotel with his family. I spent 3 weeks with my family in a nice hotel in a strange city when I was 16. It suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. This was pre-smartphone, but there was a pool and a legitimate breakfast every morning and I've never been so out of my mind with boredom. There wasn't anything near the hotel and I didn't have any money if there had been. My parents were busy and had other stuff on their minds, me and my siblings just went stir-crazy.

The Las Vegas vacation was also pretty long (we were also visiting family elsewhere) and pre-smartphone. And we didn't do ANYTHING I found interesting. Years later my parents visited the southwest again and one of the things they did was to visit- I think it was Mesa Verde but I'm not sure. One of those cliff dwellings. I love history and would have been thrilled to do something like that.

Part of it was being stuck with family ALL THE TIME and not having any time to myself, and another big part of it was the absolute lack of control over any part of my situation. At one point my family staged some sort of intervention because I was checking out of things- just sitting and staring at the carpet and they thought something was really wrong. (Confronting me about it was not the best way to have handled it.) I just had no other way to have any time to myself. At sixteen. For two weeks straight. At least I hadn't discovered masturbation yet!

Piell posted:

WIBTA for keeping our baby's name private until after the birth?

Don't tell the name, don't talk with anybody who's nagging you until the baby is born

And none of the mom's co-workers or friends care about the baby name, mom's just got the baby rabies.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2021 05:25

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Oh hey, a chance to share this video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQz8nn1AXBY

# ¿ Dec 13, 2021 05:46

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

My [42F] best friend [42F] told my husband [44M] I cheated, and he's leaving

quote:

I'll go right ahead and say the obvious:
I deserve this, I'm the villain, it's all my fault. I know.

But my goodness I can't handle this. I'm posting here in the hopes that someone has advice on how to win back a betrayed spouse. Back in 2001, yes 20 years ago, I was young and dumb and did something horrible. I had been with my husband (boyfriend at the time) for 5 years at that point. We grew up in the same home town, part of the same friend group as kids, and fell in love in high school. We've been together ever since.

After college, however, I got it into my head that my relationship was holding me down and stifling my self expression. My best friend Julia agreed with the sentiment. Together we'd go out clubbing, leaving our boyfriends at home. We wouldn't do anything bad, but still there was a thrill to knowing that other guys were looking at us. Well, as they say, never play with fire. The more we partied, the more Julia would want to cheat. Eventually she started making out with other guys at clubs. And I'm ashamed to say that for a few nights, I did the same: dancing with guys and kissing them.

I put a stop this after a few such incidents. I felt disgusted with myself, with her, with these strangers I was kissing, and most of all I felt horrible about cheating on the love of my life. I told her that I couldn't hang out with her anymore if she was going to continue her cheating ways. She understood and she put a stop to it as well. Of course all my moral indignation didn't give me the courage to actually fess up to what I did, so we kept it out secret.

Skip 20 years later.

I've hence married that boyfriend, and he's my husband now. We have 4 children (18, 17, 14, 14). Over these 20 years, my best friend has practically faded out of the dating pool entirely. She has a successful business of her own, inherited from family, and she dedicates her life to running it. Her social life is essentially hanging out with me or my husband, and sometimes babysitting the kids.

Well, it turns out that she has gotten so chummy with my husband that one night, in February of this year, she had too much to drink, and she ended up letting spill our little cheating incidents back in the day. She didn't mention that I only did it 4 times, kissing 4 different guys in total. Understandably, she doesn't remember those specifics, she just remembers that she cheated for almost an entire year and remembers I was doing generally the same.

To make matters worse, she said this while my oldest son was upstairs, and my son heard everything. I was away for the weekend with our 3 other kids, visiting my parents, and my poor husband had to calm my son down while also trying to make sense of what Julia was telling him. I never knew that the night I left would be the last time the love of my life would ever kiss me.

I came home the next day and my husband sat me down and asked me point blank if I ever cheated on him. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew everything. I admitted that I had. He was so calm that it scared me. I was afraid for his wellbeing. He's usually so proud and charismatic and that day he just looked serene, detached from our relationship, detached from me. He told me that he wants a DNA test on all of our children, which of course I agreed to, because they're his. He's the only man I've ever slept with.

We waited for the test results for 1 week, and my son wanted nothing to do with me during this time.

When the results came back, I thought that we could finally start on rebuilding our foundation of trust. I had all the energy in the world to put into our marriage, and to show my man that I was worth his time and his love.

The day the results came back, he told me he wanted a divorce.

We have been separated since March of this year. He has purchased a condo in the downtown area of our city. My oldest 2 kids spent 100% of their time there, while my youngest twins split their time with me and with him. He refuses to go to marital counseling. Our jurisdiction has a 6 month wait before a divorce can be finalized, and that expired in October. So as if October 23rd, I'm a 42 year old divorcee with 4 kids, 2 of whom hate me, the others see me as the reason their lives were upturned.

I cut Julia out of my life. I know this wasn't her fault, I know I was the one who chose to lie and I deserve the consequences, but still I associate my life's total ruin to her. I blame her even though it doesn't make sense. And just last weekend, one of my younger kids mentioned that Julia has been sleeping over at my husband's condo. I am incensed with jealousy, and hatred for her, and anguish at this whole situation. I need to win him back. This isn't how our lives are supposed to end. We have worked so drat hard to build our home and he can't share it all with her, while I rot out here in the cold.

Even the thought of calling him my "ex" makes me want to shrivel up and disappear.

UPDATE: My [42F] best friend [42F] told my husband [44M] I cheated, he's leaving

quote:

Well, I did something I never thought I'd do. I unblocked Julia and reached out to her. We set up a time to meet for coffee at my mom's house when the place would be empty. We spoke for hours, though I can't say that it was like old times. I found myself stuck with a tenseness in my stomach. I realize I still hate her for what she did, I'll never be able to let loose with her like I once did, and that's a reality I have to accept. Anyway, reiterate the facts as she has told them.

What were her intentions in telling my husband about my cheating?

It was purely a drunken mistake, with no real rhyme or reason behind it. She doesn't even remember it happening, she just remembers my oldest son being very short with her the next morning and my husband later explaining what she had said.

How did she behave with my husband after the revelation?

My husband cut her off a day or so after I did. He did this because a few days after the incident, via text, she tried to convince him that she was drunk/confused. But this happened after he had confronted me, so he knew that it was the truth she had spilled. He wanted space from her, because he associated her to all of my lies.

How did she get back in touch with him after he blocked her?

He didn't block her, he just told her to not contact him again. She promised to keep her distance from him and the kids. Three months later, she reached out to him again because she has been getting help with her alcohol abuse, and she wanted to apologize for all the harm she did. After that conversation, they kept in touch.

Why is she spending nights at his place?

She's been finding it hard to stay at home alone during winter because of her old drinking habits, and wanted some company. She sleeps in the guest bedroom and obviously they don't drink together or anything. She apologized for the confusion it caused my twin daughters.

I allowed myself to feel hopeful here.
They're not together. This wasn't some grand conspiracy for her to steal him away. I still have a chance.

But I had to make sure.

Did she ever sleep with him?

Yes. After the divorce finalized, they hooked up a few times to let off steam. She insisted that I shouldn't worry because they never tried to pursue a relationship. There's way too much resentment and baggage for it to work, and she doesn't think she's his type.

There it is. I cried when she admitted this. She cried and apologized. I must have told her that I hated her a thousand times. I really do hate her. I hate her more than I thought was possible. She knows how much I love him. She knows how much I need him. And yet she still manages to knock things over and out of place no matter how it hurts me. I told her to get out after that. I haven't blocked her again. She wants to be back in my life. But there's no chance in hell I ever want to lay my eyes on her if she's sleeping with the man I love. I know some women can swallow their pride and do it, but I can't.

So that's where I'm at.

At least they're not in love or running off to get married. I tell myself that he's just using her to try to fill a hole in his heart. I tell myself that "letting off steam" is not how anyone would describe meaningful sex. It's a physical reaction to stress and circumstance. But then I remember what she said about her not being his type. I wish I asked her if she's dating now, or if he has his eyes on someone. I wish I wrote down notes on what I wanted to learn and express instead of just going in unprepared. My emotions got the best of me and now I'm here weeping again until my body hurts from exhaustion.

This hasn't helped my obsession with the prospect of him moving on.
All this meeting has done is humble me at the thought of him and her making love.

I can't let this go on. I need to get him back before he falls in love with someone else. Given the new information I've learned, does anyone have advice on what to do?

TLDR
Original post:
Best friend and I cheated on our boyfriends 20 years ago. I married my boyfriend, and 20 years later, my best friend admitted to my husband what we did. My husband has divorced me now, after 6 months of separation. I've just received news that my best friend has been sleeping over at his condo. I have to win him back. I can't let this be the end of our love story.

Update:
Unblocked best friend and talked to her. She insists she didn't spill my secret intentionally. She isn't in a relationship with my husband. But she admitted to having sex with him after divorce finalized. She mentioned that she isn't his type, which makes me wonder if he's about to enter the dating scene again. I'm burning with jealousy at the thought of that.

This is a train wreck

eta: sorry for the lengthy posts, I'll try to stick to succinct stuff for a while

# ¿ Dec 13, 2021 06:26

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

QuarkJets posted:

"I posted a threatening rant about this specific person ANONYMOUSLY, how could anyone possibly trace this back to me: her terminally online harasser?"

Comment and response on the post:

Commenter posted:

Combo between this post and that one, yikes he sounds scary. As a female, ya I'd blocked him too.

OP's response posted:

Id like a female�s perspective: why?

Wisely, no answer.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2021 23:43

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Malcolm Excellent posted:

This mom is a loser

Yeah
My parents made me go to some honors society thing my senior year and it sucked.

I also only went to my high school graduation because my parents wanted me to. It sucked as well and I would have lost nothing by not attending. [reverie]As far as I'm concerned, I graduated when the bus ride home started on the last day of school, and some kid had unspooled a cassette tape and let the tape fly alongside the bus outside the window. And then the bus dropped me off at the end of my street and I walked home feeling like I was walking six feet above the ground. That night I went to a picnic with my friends and talked and laughed and threw an old notebook on the campfire, and as I drove home in the darkness every light was green.[/reverie]

Years later my mom said she hadn't realized at the time that I hadn't been very happy in high school. It was a really nice thing, that she said that.

Also, askamanager.com is doing updates all through December. Not much specific to share, but some pretty satisfying stuff.

# ¿ Dec 16, 2021 01:02

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Ask Amy

quote:

Dear Amy: I�m a new mom to a wonderful, healthy and happy baby.

The birth was traumatic. My postpartum period was marred with unbearable pain, physical limitations, and multiple surgeries. It was a difficult time of my life that I�m trying to move past in order to enjoy the happy times of new parenthood ahead.

I�m having a lot of trouble with some of my mother-in-law�s comments.

During the worst of this painful postpartum time, my active, able-bodied MIL came to visit the baby. I asked her if she�d throw in a load of laundry while she was at the house, since I couldn�t get downstairs easily. She said no, and her explanation was: �That�s not what I had in mind.� She was only willing to hold the baby.

Her unwillingness to help with everyday practicalities absolutely gutted me.

I now accept that this is the type of person she is.

The problem is that now, whenever she comes over and complains about having to do her own housework (she is able-bodied and lives alone), it brings back these awful memories of feeling completely abandoned by her during my greatest time of need.

It is literally like a terrifying flashback to those hard days when my pain was so excruciating. I was struggling every day simply not to give up!

How do I get her to stop talking about these things that seem to be so triggering for me?

� Gutted in Illinois

Dear Gutted: My first recommendation is that you pay very close attention to your own health. Your traumatic experience giving birth (and it sounds truly and extremely painful), could have triggered postpartum depression � and/or PTSD.

I am not being deliberately alarmist, but your flashbacks are �terrifying,� and if these feelings don�t ease considerably with time, you really must seek mental health support and treatment.

Regarding your mother-in-law, a frank and respectful talk is in order.

She created a bright boundary regarding exactly how she was willing to be �helpful� to you.

She will hold the baby, if she wants to.

You can initiate a challenging conversation by saying, �This is a hard topic for me to bring up. I hope you will understand that I need to be honest with you. I am still struggling to recover from an incredibly challenging birth. You�ve made it clear that you aren�t willing to help out around our house, and I accept that. But every time you complain about your own burdens, I�m reminded of my own. I really wish you wouldn�t do it.�

blech

# ¿ Dec 17, 2021 04:44

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Cythereal posted:

Call me crazy, but I get the feeling from the post that this is something they'd argued about many times before and her recording him and then posting it publicly without his permission was the last straw.

kaschei posted:

Dude is probably both humiliated and heartbroken so I'm willing to cut a little slack on not being super 100% concerned with the state of his drywall when disposing of the instrument of betrayal.

His reaction is extreme but it's clear to him this was an extreme betrayal... it sounds like he's surrounded by bullies, his "friends" mock for hours him for dancing, his wife posts a video of a private moment without his consent, her friends egging her on. Dude let his emotions out a little when he thought he was safe and his wife made sure he wasn't.

It's strange that he feels so strongly about this to jump straight to divorce but just how strange depends on the health of the relationship before this happened, which is beyond the scope of the AITA post.

Yeah, there's stuff the OP isn't telling us. Another facet of trying to make herself look like the reasonable one.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2021 02:19

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA: my daughter complained behind my back to my son that I �refused� to take her to therapy for 2 years

In the comments she's behaving exactly as you would expect

quote:

quote:
Have you guys had the conversation:

You were right? I'm sorry I didn't believe you? I'm sorry that my not believing you have caused you irreparable harm. I'm sorry that you had to beg and plead for years without getting the help you need. Has this conversation actually happened?

quote:
As I have said I had my reasons for not believing her and once I did I fully supported her getting treatment

quote:
so no, you have never stepped back and considered/taken accountability for your daughter�s residual feelings from this situation.

can you confirm that�s what you�re saying?

quote:
No we haven�t had that conversation. I suppose I felt that things were resolved by my supporting her but maybe I should have been clearer. A few months after she started seeing a doctor she was hospitalized for a bit and I was there with her every day and bought her new clothes and pjs to wear and I made it clear I supported her. I did try very hard with her but she just pushed me away when she was younger. I just don�t know what else there is to talk about it. She�s doing very well now

her username is thrownawaymom22 and it's appropriate because she's garbage

# ¿ Dec 18, 2021 02:35

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 00:19

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

This might have been shared already but, here it is

AITA for not wanting my mentally ill sister as my bridesmaid?

quote:

My (25f) sister (27f) has severe mental health issues that have made it extraordinarily difficult for her to function. I�ve taken care of her since we were kids. Our dad had a stroke when I was 8, and my mom had to look after him until he died 11 years later. Our two brothers (40 and 42) are much older than us and busy with their jobs and their girlfriends (now wives). My family have even given me a nickname, Carer Sarah (Sarah is my name). I don�t particularly like it, but whatever. My mom is now my sister�s primary carer, but because I know her so well I�m often called to step in.

The terrible thing is, I don�t really like my sister. I think I did once, but over the years I have spent so much emotional energy on her that I�ve just burnt out. To give a flavour of what life has been like with her, she called me at 3am the night before I was due to have a hugely important interview and told me she was standing on a bridge about to jump off. I drove 4 hours to get to her and missed the interview. She seduced my boyfriend at my 16th birthday party and shouted for everyone to hear that the only reason I was born was because my mom had an abortion that went wrong. She told another boyfriend I�d cheated on him (I hadn�t). She racked up over $10k of debt on my credit card in 3 days.

I know that none of this is her fault, but all I feel towards her is apathy. It means her actions no longer hurt me. She can be so, so sweet to me sometimes, but it never lasts, and I�ve learned not to like or dislike her, just to endure her. I�ve never, ever told anyone that, and our whole family are under the impression that I love her dearly because of how much I�ve done for her over the years.

Two years ago I met the love of my life and we�re getting married next year. The truth is, I don�t even really want my sister there at all. I can�t think of a single event centred on me that hasn�t been in some way disrupted by her.

I can�t not invite her, so instead I want her to be just a regular guest. This also means it will be easier for my mom to keep an eye on her, because if she�s my bridesmaid I know I�ll end up doing it. And I want my bridesmaids to be people I actually love, who love me too, and will make my day easier. My cousins on both sides all had their sisters as bridesmaids, so I�m going against family tradition here.

My mom and brothers are shocked, and say it�s extremely damaging for my sister to be rejected like this. One of my brothers says I'm being ableist. My mom says she always thought that one day when she�s too old to take care of my sister and I�ve worked for a few years that I would look after her full time (this was news to me), but now she�s not so sure.

All this has made me feel bad for my sister, and I�m close to giving in. But if I do, it won�t be because I want to. So, looking for honest opinions here. AITA for not having my sister as my bridesmaid?

# ¿ Dec 19, 2021 19:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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