quote:

Dear Prudence,

I am a happily child-free woman in a major urban area. I lovingly shower gifts on my nephews and friends’ children and buy their overpriced school fundraiser gift wrap. Recently, I’ve taken distance running back up after a multi-year hiatus peppered by over-partying and other self-destructive behavior. Part and parcel of this is fundraising for various great causes, which in turns gets me entry to some prestigious marathons. While I have many people in my wider network who have donated even after seeing a lone tweet of mine, these close friends say they’re going to donate but when push comes to shove, they procrastinate and/or flake out at the last minute. The final straw that inspired me to write in was that one of these friends told me yesterday over brunch that during a certain five-borough race in a few weeks she won’t be able to step a block outside her apartment for a few minutes to cheer with a sign because she has to go with her daughter to some event (that her husband could attend instead). I feel taken for granted and unsupported and hence, I’m tempted to say no the next time I get hit up for overpriced mediocre school fundraiser crap. Is it petty of me to think this way?

— Nearing the Finish Line

quote:

Dear Prudence,

I dated a man who I believed to be my soulmate for a little over a year. We started dating in December 2019, and then, you know, the pandemic happened. The pandemic put a lot of stress on us, but him dumping me seemed to come out of nowhere. A couple months after our breakup, I found out that he and his best friend’s wife are now dating. (I found out from the very distraught best friend, who is mourning the loss of both this friendship and marriage. He also revealed that his ex-wife has major anger issues, which my ex had hinted at before.) The thing is, I disliked this woman from the start. While I never believed she was romantically interested in my boyfriend, I thought she had an unhealthy attachment to him, and our personalities clashed. Turns out, she’s been in love with him for several years (during which she was married). Prudie, I can’t get this out of my head. I know this relationship began after our breakup, but I feel so misled about her. I always knew something was off, but my boyfriend told me that she and her then-husband were “good people.” It’s been months since I found out about this, and I really want to address this with my ex, since it’s weighing so heavily on me. Should I?

— He Didn’t Cheat, But…

quote:

Dear Prudence,

I have been happily married for 11 years and am a 34-year-old mother of three. My mother is a narcissist who has ghosted me for a year or so at a time in the past simply due to normal disagreements. Back in 2014 she married a man, “Cott,” from her office. Fitting enough, he, too, is a narcissist. He’s rude and doesn’t communicate with me, my kids, or my husband.

Three years ago, my son turned 1, and my mother’s husband pushed his head down into a cake at a birthday party. This was after I said not to and to just let my son explore the cake in front of him. This also left a few bruises on the back of his neck, making him cry terribly. Instead of apologizing, I was ghosted for two years. These narcissists simply can’t apologize.

Here’s my dilemma. My kids do not have a relationship with Cott, only with my mother. I tell my oldest to call him whatever makes her feel comfortable. Whether she calls him Cott or grandpa is up to her, but as it stands, I call him Cott and see him only as my mother’s husband, nothing more. She insists he has the title of my stepfather and my children’s grandfather. I get it, my entire life my mother has been a single hardworking mom and now she’s married, but excuse me if I don’t want this judgmental, disrespectful man-child to be considered my “father” in any terms. Am I wrong for denouncing the idea that he’s in any way my anything?

— Not My Dad

Funktastic posted:

WIBTA if I tell my college friend that I'm sorry and disappointed to see that she revoked her RVSP?

Everett False posted:

Yeah, I closed the tab when I realized it was going to be mostly looking at groupchats. I super don't care what petty thoughts someone expresses in what is meant to be a conversation that will only be seen by trusted friends. I'm a petty bitch and that's what my petty bitch friends are for. If someone did a tl;dr that only focused on things done and said in public and to the organ donor's face I could see that being interesting, but I feel like the original article already kinda did that.

quote:

A little background: I'm a freshman in college but I still live with my mom. Even though my parents are divorced they both still live close, so I see my dad a lot too. Recently my dad started a photography business as a side gig. He mostly does sports stuff and a few weddings.

Recently, he texted me and asked if I would model for him. I have modeled a little bit in the past, so that part of the request wasn't odd. But he specifically mentioned wanting to shoot "fashion, swimwear, or maybe some boudoir or fitness stuff."

What do y'all think? I'm not sure whether I should go for it or not, or whether I should view it as a compliment or what. Maybe he just didn't know who else to ask?

teen witch posted:

you can only talk about the nerd on nerd violence post if you post your favorite smash stage and it CANNOT BE FINAL DESTINATION

Soylent Pudding posted:

Speaking of the categorical imperative "be gay, do crime", does anyone have the saga from /legaladvice where a family disowned their son for being gay, the son leaves his entire estate to his fiance, then the family "decide as a family" they actually deserve the money for the anguish son put them through by being a homosexual, and successfully pressured the executor to illegally give it to them. Then the fiance found out and the family freaked when told about the civil and criminal liability they were facing.

quote:

Our brother age 34M died of cancer 9 months ago. He was very successful and left behind money and assets. He also had a Will. My brother was also in a gay relationship for 8 years with a 28M partner. Our family is religious and yes we may not have approved the relationship we still loved our brother. He unfortunately died of cancer and left a will. Left most of the money to his gay partner. They weren't even married. We decided money to be kept within the family and but gave his partner some money. We also paid for brothers funeral and medical Bill's. We thought that was the end of it. But now his ex partner is suing us for the rest of the funds. I don't know how he got hold of the will. My family is still grieving and now this man wants to take us to court. Trying to see how to solve this without involving the court. Thank you for your advice

top rated comment posted:

So, things you can worry about :

-To be sued for the value of everything that was detailed to him in the will. You will almost certainly lose.
-Punitive damages. Don't be surprised if they go for triple.
-You'll be on the hook for attorney's fees.
-If the value was >$1200, then the sister could, in theory, be charged with felony theft/conversion and/or contempt of the probate court. That would also come with fees and possible jail time.

The real question is who the court will force to repay the money. The person with the most exposure is the sister, as the executor. She's looking at a complete and total wipeout, and she cannot discharge that debt in bankruptcy. She can expect wages to be garnished, tax refunds and lottery winnings to be garnished, her credit to be trashed, and if she is charged with anything, severely limited future employment prospects.

OP posted:

OMG, we didn't know it could be this serious. It is all my fault, I convinced my sister to do what the family wanted. We didn't k ow and are shocked that his boyfriend would sue us. I am going to have a family meeting with friends and try to come up with as much money as I can. Omg am very nervous and didn't realize how horrible this could get. Thank you for the advice.

We are trying to make it right. Most of his money he made we helped support him with his business. My parents raised him and paid for his school, dont they deserve that money more than his so called friend? They weren't even married let alone engaged.

My sister was in charge of the will, according to his partner he did not want to be in charge because ' he didn't want to deal with us' 'he hates us' so my sister who was best friends with my brother acted as the middle ground for us and his partner. We were shocked when we read the will. We didn't expect it to be that unfair. I am trying to make it right

Update: thank you all for the advice and yes I am very stupid for not realizing how serious this was from the beginning. I am having a family meeting and we will figure out a way to up with money so my we dont make things worse with the law. My brother left us some properties so I will make sure to do the right thing and pay his partner. Meeting with a lawyer soon so I can do this the right way. God bless you all.

Kuros posted:

Guess the pet!

AITA For firing my house sitter

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for RSVP'ing "NO" in-person to my friend's wedding?

quote:

I had a college test yesterday and shortly after starting I kept hearing a continuous sound right behind me, like a repeated tapping about every 3 seconds. At first I just attempted to ignore it and figured someone was tapping heavily on their computer’s keyboard over and over out of anxiety, but it was very noticeable in the otherwise quiet environment.

After about 10 minutes, I noticed other people in the room looking around and I figured they were also probably trying to figure out what the noise was. One lady across the room made eye contact with me with a questioning look as if to say “what in the hell is that?” I shook my head to let her know I had no idea. The professor noticed the other student looking over at me, and the student pointed in my direction so I think the professor must have thought I had a question or was trying to get her attention, so I slightly raised my hand and she came right over.

I quietly told her I wasn’t sure what this “tapping” sound was but it seemed like people were becoming distracted by it. She asked, “is it me making the sound at my desk?” which confused me because this wasn’t a subtle noise and of course I knew it wasn’t her. So I said no, and motioned behind me to show her where I was talking about. She said “I understand” and went to the student behind me and I didn’t hear what was said, but the noise stopped after that. So whatever, I just moved on with my exam.

After the test, I learned the student behind me had been using an electric breast pump during the test. Someone from my class told me I should apologize to that lady at once because she likely had suffered physical issues due to my actions and that her whole pumping schedule was probably messed up now, and said this woman likely hates me now because of the pain she must have endured due to me. I just responded that I had no idea of what was going on so I surely couldn’t be at fault for that.

Should I have just not said anything? It is very hard for me to focus while listening to distracting sounds, especially in a pattern, and I may be more sensitive to this than others. I very much support people’s right to have accommodations to pump as needed but when it’s becoming a noisy distraction to the rest I can’t help but feel other arrangements would be reasonable? And was I wrong to say something to the professor even though I had no idea of what was happening?

Alchenar posted:

It's not really work that can run in parallel and the rewards come from being first so there are big incentives to pay the smartest person you can find a mountain of money to work all the time.

quote:

Dear Prudence,

I used to volunteer 4-to-5 hours a week at a local food bank. Mostly stock shelving and bookkeeping related stuff. It felt good to help out, there is a definite need, and I was working with like-minded good people, or so I thought. Towards last May, somehow politics came up, and I mentioned how I never vote in presidential elections because I believe the electoral college system is fundamentally unfair, since the individual voter’s fraction of an electoral college vote differs from state to state. I also added that I did vote for a republican in the congressional representative role and for two of the local political candidates, for fiscal policy reasons.

Two days later I got an email saying to never come back, that they did not wish to associate with conspiracy theorists, and they were glad that I was never front-facing. I worked with these people for years and somehow my “conspiracy theories” never came up, probably because they do not exist.

Since then, I’ve had extra time on my hands. And I know that I ought to find somewhere else in a similar role to volunteer, get back on the community outreach and help wagon again. I still think it’s important, and there is still a definite need. Every time I think about it, I lose all energy to continue and get angry about how idiotically tribalistic they were at the place I used to help at. And it’s been close to six months and I still haven’t gotten around to it, even though I keep telling myself “yeah, I should start again soon.” How do I regain my motivation?

— Trying to Regain the Spark

quote:

Dear Regain the Spark,

To regain motivation, think about the impact you hope your volunteer work will have for the people served by the organizations you volunteer for. Also pay attention to the key word in “volunteer work”: work! The goal isn’t to have fun or be treated nicely. You’re doing it (hopefully) so that fewer people go hungry, not to be validated by your colleagues. Also, if you’re able to regain your energy and get involved again, mentally prepare yourself for a not-so-great reaction if you advertise that you make political choices in support of candidates and policies that many in the social services world will view as making life worse for the very people everyone’s trying to help. Indeed, good “fiscal policy” from your point of view might very well mean fewer resources and more suffering for them. That’s something you’re not going to be able to avoid, so it may be best to sidestep the subject entirely.

Half of Dracula posted:

Had to check this guy out because of the post history line and he posts full time in /conspiracy about just every kind of thing.





These are within the last day

quote:

I (23 F) am married with two children (3 M and 1 F) My MIL (46 F) has never met my children due to her going no contact with us before the oldest was born. She was completely unwilling to share her reasons for being no contact. She said she didn't expect us to understand but I did something which deeply hurt her and she couldn't get over it. My husband (22 M) did reach out, but she was unwilling to explain what I did. We never had a good relationship, but I can't think of anything I did to her, certainly not anything that would warrant cutting off her son.

FIL got remarried over the weekend and MIL was invited with her husband. That didn't surprise me, as they have always remained close friends. They did not do staged pictures, but they were going to take a family picture, so I got in it with my husband and kids. FIL told MIL to come over, because she is still family. I said she disowned her son and has never met her grandkids over some perceived slight, so I don't feel comfortable taking a family picture with her. MIL was going to move, but FIL said she's still family and I can leave.

I was just angry on my kids behalf, that their grandfather put her before them, when he knows she has totally shunned them. They actually are his family, but he was choosing his ex wife over them. don't get me wrong, it's cool for exes to be friends, but he was putting her before the two innocent kids she refuses to meet. I announced that if we are not family, we don't need to be there. I told my husband he could stay if he wanted, but I would be leaving. He left with us and apparently FIL and the bride were calling us dramatic and attention seeking. Some family has also said I was controlling and he can have MIL in a family picture if he wants to.

quote:

I was at work and I put my Tupperware in a microwave for 2 mins. There's 4 microwaves total, me and another person was using it so there's 2 microwaves not being used. I backed off a bit because there's straws and cups on the counter, I just don't want to hold anyone up while waiting.

So about a minute in, this woman, about 50ish years old, opens my microwabe and puts a bag of some sort on top of my lunch container. I tell her to stop and I step in. She just tells me "30 seconds 30 seconds". And I said "there's 2 microwaves not being used. You're being weird for touching me food". Some pulls her bag out and puts in the microwave not being used. I just tell her that it's rude and weird to touch someone else's food especially during covid.

AITA for being defensive over my food?

quote:

Lol so as the title suggests, I have a mentor who happens to be bald. He's serious about his work but pretty easy-going otherwise. We spoke for about an hour and then I introduced someone to him. At the end of the meeting, I thanked him for his time and said, "I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving, I'll get out of your hair now." I'm mortified. He laughed and seemed genuine about it, but I'm still worried I offended him somehow. Any thoughts?

mllaneza posted:

tldr; do not gently caress with OP

Hell Hath No Fury Like Me Scorned (also posted on r/nuclearrevenge)

quote:

My wife is an accomplished author who also holds down a fulltime job in an unrelated field, mostly for the benefits. When we had our first child last year, we agreed that she would pause her writing career—something had to go with a new baby at home.

Except, it turns out she didn’t pause it. She got a great idea for a new novel, wrote it secretly during her lunch break at work, and sold it for $100,000. I feel so many things right now; it’s hard to be mad at someone when they casually tell you your son’s college education is now paid for, and her lunch hour is technically hers to do as she wishes. But she went against our deal! She could have been home an hour earlier every night this year if she hadn’t done this project, and when I think back on all the times she’s been tired or grumpy in the past year, I now blame the book (even though it could have just been caring for a newborn). How do I trust her to keep to her word? How should I feel right now?

Prudence posted:

Her lunch hour isn’t “technically” hers to use as she wishes—it’s 100 percent completely hers to use as she wishes! And she didn’t break her word to you in any way that matters. When she said she would pause her writing career, there’s no way she interpreted that agreement as a ban on writing—it was a deal to use her time at home to focus on the baby. Even with that deal in place, she didn’t owe you and the baby every ounce of her energy or a full accounting of how she spends every minute of her day. Plus, I’m positive that there are a lot of things you could have skipped out on to be home more and less tired.

Do some soul-searching about what’s really upsetting you here. Are you jealous? Intimidated? Burnt out on parenting or disappointed in your own productivity? Whatever it is, work it out on your own—or with the help of the therapist if that’s available to you—before you ruin this moment for and damage your relationship with a complaint that doesn’t make sense.

quote:

Edit: we are engaged and live together, we also share credit cards and bank accounts

Maybe I’m making too a big out of this, maybe it is a big problem and why I’m posting here.

This has been going on since we’ve dated In college. I’ll use last night as an example. I’m always “safe order guy” meaning I get chicken tenders, steak, a burger, orange chicken etc… it’s not that I dislike other food, it’s that if I’m doing something crazy I want to buy It, prepare it, coke and serve it…be in control of the whole process.

She always orders the special, the catch of the day, the tasters menu, etc… and she invariably says “I don’t really like this, I should have just ordered what you got…let’s switch.” And she grabs my plate, sometimes I’m able to eat her food, sometimes it really is bad and then I go hungry. I’ve brought this up with her and she has up front told me she thinks it makes her “quirky and fun” and I’ve known this since dating her.

Last night we went to a sports bar after our league beach volley ball game and we’re starving. I just wanted food so I ordered chicken tenders and fries. This dingey SPORTS BAR was having a “snow crab special” which of course she wanted. I begged her to please just order something they couldn’t mess up and she accused me of being so “boring.” Food came, she crab legs looked, smelled and tasted like they were rotting wax and of course she didn’t want it and wanted my tenders. I finally stood up for myself and said no, she could send them back and order her own food.

Cue massive fight. She accused me of wasting food, of not cooperating with her and not “reading the room” whatever the meant . I told her that no I was not doing it this time. She started crying And demanded to go home. I said no I was so hungry I was eating my food. I think she got an Uber to a friends house and i have not seen her since.

I’m fed up. Is this breakup worthy and what should I do about this?

An insightful redditor posted:

Is she pulling this crap to post pictures on Instagram?

quote:

Here come the downvotes but yes. Her post that’s still up from last night is “crab legs at a sports bar in Arizona! Who dis…”

quote:

Edit: I called her parents, they haven’t heard from her either and me calling them now has them worried because they thought she was with me. I’m going to drive her important things over to their house and wash my hands of her. Whatever happens to her is of her own making at this point.


I don’t remember the exact timeline of how things went down on Sunday as far me posting but original was locked when she texted me at 6pm telling me that I owed her a huge apology for the way I behaved at the sports bar and the volley hall game (I still don’t know what that is about). I asked her where she was. She said she would tell me when I apologized. I said I was not going to apologize. She said she needed some time to thing whether this relationship was right for her. I told her that I just exhausted by so much of what she does that I couldn’t do it anymore.

She hung up and I haven’t heard from her since. She hasn’t even been by to pick up a change of clothes so I don’t know where she is. I cancelled all my credit cards we shared and opened a new back account and took half out of our shared but she hasn’t taken any money out or used her debit card so I guess I’m a little concerned since for all effect purposes she’s disappeared.

I’m not too worried now but If I haven’t heard anything by Friday I’ll call her parents. I kind of think she’s doing this disappearing act for attention.

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

AITA for sniffing a seat?

MagusofStars posted:

This update is, uh, not what I was guessing:

Arsenic Lupin posted:

The woman my [29 m] boyfriend cheated on me [27 M] with is pregnant and doesn't want the baby but I might

Kenshin posted:

Ok but who are these women doing porn without protection and no birth control because what the gently caress

quote:

Dear Prudence,

About nine months ago, I had an emotional affair with another man while married to my ex-husband. I had met this person online, and I just ended up falling head over heels for them. When my husband found out, he was absolutely devastated. He initially wanted to break up with me but then he decided that he wanted to figure out a way to make things work.
But eventually I decided I could no longer keep hurting my ex-husband and wanted to pursue something more meaningful with my affair, so I called it quits and I split up with my ex-husband. And after doing some self-reflection, I admitted to myself that I had also had other physical affairs with other men during the seven-year course of our marriage; meanwhile, he was nothing but loyal.

I never shared any of these other affairs with my husband, and now I am overcome with guilt. For my ex-husband, he feels like I broke up with him over just the emotional affair and the pain that caused him. But reality is, I did it because no matter how much I enjoyed being with him in our good moments, I could not live with myself knowing that I had been so unfaithful to him. I am not sure what I should do. I want to reach out to my ex-husband to let them know the full story regarding why I so callously ended the relationship, even though he wanted to give it a chance and go to couples therapy. I care about my ex-husband deeply, and I really want to check-in on him but he has blocked me on every platform. Should I find a way to reach back out to explain to him the full story, or will I be living with this guilt for being a terrible partner forever?

— Second Circle of Hell

quote:

Dear Second Circle,

Please leave this man alone. You’ve already hurt and betrayed him. He couldn’t be any clearer about the fact that he doesn’t want to be in touch with you. And I don’t understand why causing him more pain by telling him about your many affairs would do anything to alleviate your guilt. You should do what you can to be at peace with what you did, forgive yourself, and figure out how you can learn from the experience and hopefully do better in the future. But there’s no reason to drag him into this process. Now is a good time to resist your selfish impulses in a way you weren’t able to while you were married.

quote:

Two years ago on Black Friday my live-in girlfriend bought a Roomba on sale. She was really excited because we have a lot of pets and we did have to vacuum a lot. We still have to vacuum the furniture but the Roomba handles the floors. He's on a strict routine she set up and gets every part of our apartment. I definatly like the thing but my girlfriend has become .. obsessed with it? She immediately gave him a name of an anime character, and she changed the language it says errors in to Japanese, which is kind of a pain in the rear end because we never know what the error is. She has just really personified this thing and when she brushes the dogs and cats once a week, she thoroughly cleans the Roomba with special tools she bought and everything. But the thing that made me feel weird is how she talks to it. She just coos to this Roomba all the time about what a good job he does and how much we love him, just like he's a pet. It's weird to me.

This morning it kinda came to a head because as she was fixing the animals breakfasts before we went to work, she poured out some sprinkles on the floor and brought the Roomba to them, and sung happy birthday to it and made it suck them up. I just watched this all from the table and when she was done, I gentlely said, do you think this is normal? She was confused so I was like, it's just a Roomba. You are so extra with it and it's kinda creepy. I have made comments before but she always said, it's because I appreciate how hard he works/how much he helps us! But feeding it sprinkles for me took it over the line of annoying to concerning. I told her I was kinda worried that she was obsessed with it and a little worried about her. She was I guess not sure what to say, but we didn't have a lot of time before we both went off to work.

I've tried texting her and she hasn't responded, which she usually does because she walks to our apartment for her lunch break to let the pets out and stuff. I'm kind of worried that I hurt her feelings but I feel justified in bringing up the issue because I really don't think this behavior is normal and I am honestly worried about her mental health because of this.

EDIT: I need to stop goofing off at work and get stuff done, but thanks everyone for the comments. Not what I was expecting from Reddit. I was expecting the usual: "THIS IS A MAJOR RED FLAG BREAK UP NOW!" response. Maybe I was looking into it too much. Someone hilariously suggested to get it a gift for its birthday so I think I will bring that home with an apology for saying she was weird and obsessed. I still think its weird but like a lot of you said, it's not hurting me. I think I'm pick up stickers and maybe a birthday hat for it

quote:

My boyfriend(29) and I (f 25) have been together for 3.5 years. He loves his dog very much, which is fine, but some of his comments towards his dog are off putting. He has made it known he loves his dog more than me on multiple occasions. His comment about his dog being his soulmate kind of struck a nerve with me. He has never once even called me his soulmate. I said to him that it’s kinda funny to me how he called his dog his soulmate considering it’s an animal, and he’s literally never even reffed to me as such. His response was, “well yea my dog loves me unconditionally and you don’t.” I was very upset by this comment and tried to talk to him about my feelings about it. He said I’m not arguing about this nonsense and left the room. We ended up sleeping in separate rooms and I am still upset about this. I often right poetry about him and say things such as how our souls collided and I’ve never felt such internal bliss until I met him. So to me this was rather offensive and I feel differently than he does on the subject. I’m not sure how to express my self and my feelings without feeling torn down.

Piell posted:

AITA for pranking my girlfriend

Bonus from the comments

Evil Willow posted:

AITA For telling my boyfriend that I don’t want a dragon dildo for Christmas?

Bibliotechno Music posted:

r/relationships: mixed feelings about being.

quote:

I don’t want to make this post very long but I’m going to be needing all the advice you got about how to not resent my sister for what she did. I want to know if I’m being a bitter woman and a sore loser. These are the things I’ve been hearing from my family (not the exact wording but the sentiments).

My(f31) ex boyfriend broke up with me after about a 1,5 years by basically ghosting me and not returning my calls or texts. This was on February/March 2020. On the week leading to him breaking up with me I was getting weird texts with sexual content and he saw one of them. I tried to explain that I didn’t know the person texting me and he seemed to believe me but apparently not because it was then he stopped talking to me. One day on my way back from work I saw him coming out of the movies with an acquaintance (f28 call her E) of mine kissing and holding hands. I call her acquaintance because even if we ran in the same circle of friends we never really were close. In fact she didn’t hide her disapproval of my relationship and thought him to be “out of my league” and she was very outspoken about that.

With restrictions and people stopping to hang out I didn’t see or hear anything of them over the following months. I was heartbroken but at the same time very disgusted by my ex’s behavior. My anger and isolation helped the healing process.

Last Christmas eve when I was at my parents house my sister (f28) who’s a better friend to E told me that E has agreed to host her wedding at her summer house (more of a mansion) for free and my sister was over the moon with happiness since she and her fiancé could never afford a place like that. My sister told me that because E was so generous she invited her and my ex to the wedding. I was livid and asked her how she could do this to me and left my parents house crying. I later regretted being mad at my sister, she wasn’t the one who hurt me and so I called to apologize. She thanked me and told me she was so happy and asked me to be her maid of honor.

The wedding was in August. Me, mom and my sister’s best friend did all the planning and worked almost all day every day the week leading to the party. It was a three days wedding with rehearsal dinner on Friday, wedding on Saturday and a brunch party on Sunday.

At the rehearsal dinner my sister made a speech thanking everyone for the hard work, she then thanked the host (E) for her generosity and told her that she had a surprise planned for her. Ex bf then literally got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. I was mortified I wanted to vomit. I didn’t say anything and didn’t join in the cheering. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t ruin my sister’s wedding so I stayed for the next day and left the morning of the third day.

I can’t but feel betrayed by her. She could at least have warned me of what she was planning to do. After her honeymoon she called and told me it wasn’t her secret and that E had planned the whole thing and she couldn’t say no because she didn’t want to be rude to the host. I told her to go gently caress herself if she thought a perfect party was worth hurting her own sister. She called me bitter and jealous and hang up. We haven’t spoken since.

Now this Christmas I told mom that I wasn’t coming. She was mad and told me to grow up and stop blaming the world. I’m not the first person to be dumped and if I was so in love with him maybe I shouldn’t have cheated. I yelled at my mom and now I don’t talk to her either. I know it’s not mom or sister’s fault and I’m so afraid that I have become so resentful and bitter like they said but I am so hurt it feels like physical pain in my heart. How can I move on from this resentment.

Tl;dr I feel betrayed and let down by my sister and I can’t rid myself of the hurt and resentment I have inmy heart.

quote:

tl;dr I found out who’s behind the rumors about me cheating on my ex. My sister is still spreading them

I have been trying to update since before the weekend but I couldn’t make a short and comprehensible post. I’m trying again now for the fifth or sixth time and I apologize in advance for it being long and for the English (not my first tongue)

Before the update I want to say your beautiful words that filled my chat has helped me and encouraged me. Many still however think my post was about my ex and that I should get over it already because it’s been two years. I don’t know why you chose to misunderstand me. This is about my sister. I have no feelings for my ex. They kinda vanished shortly after he started dating E because E and I are two very different people and I don’t know if many of you experience this, but sometimes you just get turned off when you find out who the person you’re interested in has dated/is dating.

Secondly, I did for a while think E or Ex were behind the sex texts. I didn’t give it alot of thought. One of you here asked if the texts stopped after ex dumped me and YES! I can’t believe I never made this connection.

Now the update:

My mom’s words about me being a cheat still haunted me so I decided to ask her to go to lunch with me. She told me that when my sister came back from her honeymoon and she was upset with me, she told my mom that the reason EX dumped me was that he caught me cheating on him. Mom believed this rumor and apparently many others heard it including my dad and grandma(😣). I started crying and told my mom my side and about the texts that I was getting and asked her why she didn’t tell me before. She said she was embarrassed and hurt. Anyway when I went home after the lunch I still didn’t know if mom believed me or not because she kept asking me why I didn’t just block the number (and I still don’t know why I didn’t)

I called my bff immediately and told her everything. She hasn’t heard about the rumor. I asked her to text me EX number.

I texted EX that he was disgusting and pathetic to spread rumors about me cheating to my family, and that he should leave me the hell alone. Two hours later he called me. He was confused so I told him everything mom told me. He swore that he hasn’t told anyone why he broke up with me including his own family. I told him that either he or E has told my sister and he said he never told E I cheated. I told him well alright then! If neither of us has told E now you know who has sent them! I asked him again to leave me alone and hang up.

I woke up on Thursday to at least 50 missed calls from my sister and many texts calling me a home wrecker and many other abusive things. Ex has broken off the engagement and E was mad at my sister threatening to ruin her. She had sent her an invoice for the venue and a letter from the lawyer telling her to pay the bill asap.

I tried to call my sister but she just answered to swear and curse me and hang up. I texted her that she should calm down and that E’s threats are just empty and that she can’t charge her now without an agreement. I asked to forward the lawyer’s letter and the bill so I could see what I could do. She just blocked me.

I found out next day that my sister has gone on a rampage on social media calling me a cheating wh*re, even including the sex texts as proof. I deleted all my accounts and blocked my sister’s number, her husband’s and a few family members’. Mom texted me later to tell me that my sister is hysterical and is having a mental break down and that I should find another way to celebrate Christmas this year because my sister isn’t in a state to see me.

I am sorry it was a long update. But this is what happened this last week. My heart is so swollen that I feel it throbbing in my throat. I don’t think my sister and I can mend our relationship any time soon. I keep wondering if I started this horrible mess and if I could’ve avoided it. I regret everything that happened and am so very sorry.

quote:

I sprained my ankle last week because my boyfriend pranked me when I came home from work. He popped out of the closet with a rubber knife and started to chase me down the stairs with it I fell and sprained my ankle, and he started to laugh afterwards.

FF to present day he refuses to apologize to me. What do I do ?

We’ve been together since January

quote:

My boyfriend refused to apologize to me. So I took advice from family, friends, and you guys to temporarily cease the relationship. I told him to leave my house because he hasn’t apologized, after I told him that he literally took back half of the groceries he bought Sunday and left.

He goes in the trash can and takes out the receipt and finds everything he bought in the fridge and cabinets and takes it with him.

At this point the relationship is most likely over. I appreciate all the support, thank you. It’s not easy, but I have to move on.

Kenshin posted:

At least the funko pops aren't still in the boxes!

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Zyzz?

Hellblazer187 posted:

On the plus side, if you look at the comments now all the top ones are supporting the OP.

Wait lol at this wtf

Comment: NTA although I hate hyphenated names. It seems like the only compromise in this situation. Unless you and your husband want to both change your last name to a blended name or random last name to share together.

OP: I’d be okay with that!! Giving our family our own last name seems like a really nice idea, but he has his last name tattooed on his back, so that’d be a big no from him.

quote:

My husband is obsessed, I cannot state this emphatically enough, with Jennifer Aniston. She's on his phone background, on his desktop computer at home and at work, he has a printed out picture of her 'surreptitiously' folded into the visor over his driving seat that he blows a kiss to every day...

I lost my temper and called him a child for telling our five year old daughter that she should want to meet 'Aunty Anitson' one day....Aunty Aniston?!? He laments that she's not a blonde like her Aunty Aniston either.

He retaliated quite belligerently and told me I'm a jealous bitch who can't control his hobbies. Am I overreacting? I feel like his obsession is unhealthy.

Edit: I’m giving a small update. I went into his office and this is beyond all abhorrent imagings I had. My daughter is never going back in that house and we’re at my mothers for the foreseeable future. I didn’t even need to read his diary; I read a few letters he wrote to Jennifer Aniston about THEIR daughter and updates on her...I found a box blonde hairdye and skin bleaching! MY daughter is darker skinned that JA could ever be. I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve this but I cannot look at him right now.

Thanks for all replies, this is beyond Reddit now but I’m grateful for everyone seeing things I refused to see.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for choosing my boyfriend over my family’s tradition

quote:

I’m dating my sisters Ex
I (f29) and my half-sister, Alicia (f35) have never gotten along She’s always been jealous of me because her mom and our dad divorced and my parents are happily married . She began dating Kyle (m41) during her sophomore year of college . . Kyle is a great guy and I don’t think she appreciates him after she gave birth to their child she got really bitchy and needy to the point where Kyle hated coming home. he began having an affair with his assistant (f22) after she found out they divorced . That was 2 years ago I’ve maintained a relationship with Kyle because I’m helping him with his custody battle (I’m in law school ) and One night we both got really drunk and slept together at first we thought it was a drunken mistake but we soon realized we had feelings for each other. We began dating and after a month we told Alicia she walked out of the room without a word. The next day I got a text from Alicias mom that I’m an awful person and should be ashamed . I replied that Kyle is single and Alicia has already moved on and is a happy relationship. My dad said I’m wrong and I’ve been uninvited to Thanksgiving . I don’t understand the big deal they both have moved on and she treated him terribly.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Doc Hawkins posted:

Lost my job for gross misconduct, what now?

I had acted inappropriately at a work do. What do I say to future employers asking why I left and how can I mitigate my losses here? My company stated they would not mention it to future employers and I got that in writing, but I am still worried.

Cheers

Edit: I was chanting IRA songs in England, in an English company and being a general dick head to people and other members of staff. I’m not even Irish.

Edit 2: wowzers this got more popular than I imagined, thanks for all the great responses. I wasn’t at my company long but, I think I’ll mention that it wasn’t right for me and I wasn’t being utilised appropriately. I’m just worried they’ll be asking about leaving early as apposed to just switching over jobs, hopefully I’ll figure out something.

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

Also still lol'ing at the "destroying lovely IOT cameras is violence" pearl clutching

You should smash all your lovely IOT things anyway, 90% are security nightmares but doubly so when your ex-spouse used them to farm internet points by violating your privacy.

quote:

Me (29M) and Tori (28F) have been together for 2 years and have lived together the last year. When we met we both worked full time. Tori encouraged me to go back to school to get my MBA because in my field it’s a big thing to have it. Due to this she is the majority bread winner. I work part time coaching/bartending in order to chip in financially, and do most of the housework. She pays the rent while I pay for school and whatever is left over I give to her. We are perfectly happy with this temporary arrangement but her family isn’t. Her sister Madison (31F) especially hates it and constantly makes rude comments while I’m in ear shot. Saying her sister can do better and I’m a free loader. Tori defends me every time and says it’s her choice to invest in us and it’s temporary.

So we get invited to Madison’s birthday dinner. I initially refuse because I don’t like her and would be cheaper for me to sit at home. Tori begs me to go and I agree. During dinner Madison has quite a few margaritas. Our bill comes and Tori grabs it and puts her card down and the waiter takes it. Madison rolls her eyes and scoffs. Tori ask her what’s wrong and in front of the entire group of people Madison says “I would never pay for a man like you do”. I felt a rush of anger and I say under my breath “yeah maybe that’s why you can’t keep a man”. Madison asked if I had something to say and I said I did. I stood up and said “you can’t keep a man, your husband left you and your kid because you are rude, ugly and have no future. No man would want to invest in someone like you. You ask us to watch your kid all the time so you can hangout with random guys off tinder because you are so desperate.” I turn and walk out the door to almost dead silence at the table. Tori says something to Madison and runs after me. I tell her I’m leaving and she says that’s fine she will come with.

I guess the whole dinner ended shortly after because Madison cried and people felt uncomfortable. Tori’s mom is furious saying I ruined the dinner. Tori is stuck in the middle saying I shouldn’t have done that there but also saying she doesn’t blame me. AITA?

Luigi's Discount Porn Bin posted:

Nonsense. my grandkids are going to call me T-Bone, and they're going to like it

maybe they can call me "terrible snipe" instead. content:

(other comments make clear that OP's daughter's friend is, coincidentally, not white)

quote:

Every year for over a decade, my siblings (F43, M40, M33) and I (M43), have breakfast on Christmas morning. They've always been hosted at my my home (no kids) or my sister's home (2 children, more adults). Every year, as we are organizing the breakfast in the days and weeks leading up to the holiday, we are reminded by the respective host that it is siblings and spouses only; neither children nor parents.

Every year, my youngest brother (2 children, M11 and F8) and his wife either ignore the rule or get upset about the rule and don't show up. This year, when advising of the location— more than a week before— I reminded my brother of the rule. He acted as if he'd never heard of such a request. I do understand that finding a babysitter during the holidays can be though. I suggested he ask our mother or his mother-in-law or anyone else if they could watch the kids for a couple of hours if they aren't busy.

On Christmas Eve, I asked his wife if they were coming. She said they were. Along with my mom and sister and adult nephew (M18), with much of the other family present, including sister-in-law, we had a laugh about how my grandmother did the same with her siblings, not allowing kids, and how my niece and nephew were also excluded from ours. My mother mentioned she had wanted to carry on the tradition, but her siblings didn't care to. My nephew was very accepting of the tradition, both as a minor and still as an "adult."

Last night (Christmas Eve), my brother texted and said if they could not bring the kids, they could not come. Our mother will be out town with her husband's family for the morning, so I again suggested he ask his mother-in-law, as she lives nearby and they are going directly there just two hours after our breakfast start time. He has still not replied and breakfast starts in 45 minutes.

My other siblings and I are saddened that he might not attend, but agree that our brother should respect the fact that this is the one time per year when it is just us.

quote:

Ok so this is annoying me .please bear with me first time posting and on mobile. By accident I found a package and opened it as I was wrapping the kids gifts. A package had gone missing my husband had orders and had been for my Christmas. Now in that closet I keep a bunch of unopened packages my mum sends to my kids and then open them the day I wrap them. Anyway I open this package and it is obvious it is not for the kids. It’s a self help book 12 rules to whatever .. I’m like what the heck. The guy who wrote it is a phycologist Who is a misogynist right wing nut job. Who my husband likes and kind of falls in line with his own way of thinking. (Yes this is an issue as I’m rather left wing I guess) anyway so I tell him I found this package and accidentally opened it and he loses it saying how his name was on it and it had gone missing. At this point I’m like wait , no no no the only package gone missing was his Xmass gift to me… so THIS was what he thought was a thoughtful gift for Christmas. Basically telling me I’m a poo poo human and I need to change and this book will help. And he can’t understand why I am so pissed and was crying all night and most of the day. Am I wrong? This is not a gift you give on a holiday. This is expensive toilet paper IMO. I’m humiliated and embarrassed and hurt. Like I was so excited that he thought of me in advance and it wasn’t a last minute Walmart gift . I’m so upset. But Am I the rear end in a top hat for not appreciating this thoughtful gift he got me ?

quote:

I wasn't the perfect father, but goddamn.

quote:

I wasn't the perfect father, but goddamn. The way my daughter (Alana, 26) talks about me in therapy, you'd think I'd never done anything good for her at all. I get it. I hosed up. But it's like I told the therapist when he asked me how my daughter's words made me feel: "I'm not trying to shift any blame, but my wife is right here and my daughter hasn't said one bad word about her this entire time. Is this goijg to be family therapy or bash Dad for an hour and forty-five minutes every week?"

He told me that, that uncomfortable feeling I felt and that frustration was how my daughter has been feeling for all these years. And I told him, "I get that, that's why I'm here, so we can all get past that and move forward. Forward. Not continuously going back to the past and talking about things that we can't change. What are some solutions moving forward?" And he said, "It starts with listening."

That was the first session. We're on session three. I've been listening and all I hear is a lot whole of "Daddy this" and "Daddy that" and I'm ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. I told my wife that she could go to the sessions without me from now on and she can listen to my daughter complain about me all they want because obviously if she hates me that much, it's better if I stay away.

My wife said that if I stopped going that would make me an AH because this isn't about me and that we're there to support our daughter in her healing process.

I said that was easy for her to say because she's not the one getting targeted every week and if this isn't about me (too) then this isn't family therapy and I should just remove myself if I'm the cause of all the problems.

I'm having doubts though because I did neglect our daughter a lot when she was little, and I do want a better relationship with her, but if I have to keep going through this? gently caress no.

quote:

My dad is bald, five of my six brothers are bald and my last brother is on his way. My uncle is balding and apparently my grandfathers on both sides had no hair too. I'm 34, past the age any of them had lost their hair and I still have all of mine.

Apparently being bald is some bizarre cult identity for all of the guys in my family now and every time there is a family gathering there is huge drama. I have told to shave it and been accused by my brothers of getting secret hair transplants, using anti-baldness medication etc. My Dad won't speak to me right now because over Christmas he kept joking I wasn't actually his child and mentioning I should go and check with a doctor to 'check everything is okay'. I did get very angry and told them it was ridiculous and being bald shouldn't be part of their Identities.

I am very happy and proud of my hair and the whole thing just feels ridiculous and smells of jealousy to me. They think I am an rear end in a top hat for the crime of having hair and for not laughing along, but the jokes barely conceal some real contempt and I've had enough of it.

quote:

I am a mom (31f) and my husband (34m) and I currently have a little 6 year old boy and a 5 year old girl and I am currently pregnant with our son. I met my husband when "Christian" was 2 years old and "Anna" was 1 and their birth mom signed all rights away when Anna was born and passed away after drug addiction. I was able to meet the children when we got serious (it was much easier for me to join the family since the kids were so young and change was easier) and we eloped when we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I have always been "mom" to Christian and Anna and being their mother and hearing their little voices call me "mama" is one of the greatest pleasures of my life. I am in the process of adopting them just so that I have more rights in an emergency and won't lose them in case something happens to my husband.

We hosted Thanksgiving this year with my parents and siblings since I am pregnant and it would be a lot to travel with 2 young kids. We thought it would be a good bonding opportunity for the kids since my family lives across the country

To summarize, my mom ended up announcing that she was excited to be a grandma for the first time because being a "step"grandma is not the same. She told Christian that I would always love my future younger son more. Anna was thankfully not there when this was said

My little boy was heartbroken and I got really angry at my mom. I reassured my son that I love him, will always love him, and that I love him, his sister, his future brother, and his dad most in the world and that nothing will ever make me love any of my kids less than another one of my kids.

I told my mom that she needs to stay in a hotel and my dad went with her. My siblings told me that they understand my actions and would be angry if anyone hurt their kids, but they tried to explain my mom's side. We have older half-siblings from our dad that our mom loved very much but they ended up cutting us off because their mom made up a lot of things about us. My parents were devastated and I know they are still upset at losing their oldest kids and my mom has that fear about losing Christian and Anna because of this. I still think that there isn't any excuse for saying what she said to a child. My siblings aren't taking sides but others in my family are and are making it very clear to me

My son is still affected and we are working with an age appropriate therapist for him. My husband is being really strong during this because I am struggling really bad and is being an incredible husband and dad. He tells me that he will support whatever decision I make.

I don't know if I should give my mom another chance because Christian is still young and work with her through her feelings or if I should go no contact. I am scared she will treat our future son better and this will hurt Anna and Christian, the baby, their relationships with each other, and their relationships with us

I need help with deciding what to do

tldr: my mom was cruel to my son and I don't know how to proceed

SirSamVimes posted:

He is a poser but this can definitely be filed as a "nom nom this hand that feeds me is so delicious" story.

quote:

TL;DR at the end of text

I'm currently attending my first year in university for a philosophy degree in Spain, my native country. Despite the fact that I don't fully want to study anymore (I'm 20M and I feel like I should be doing and working on what I really like by now, I've never liked thinking about my life long-term, I want to get things done as soon as possible so I can just be me in the future and learn by myself without worrying about money, even if it means a sacrifice of my social activities now), I chose to study because I feel like having a degree is good in today's society. Just to clarify, I don't want to work in what I'm studying now, I just liked the content of the degree and like to learn as much as I can about the matter. The degree also doesn't have much job options besides a teacher. I didn't think about this when I picked the degree because as I wrote earlier I don't want to work in that.

The thing is, what I really want to do is make music, which I've been doing for 5 years now and I would like to pursue my dream of living off of it. As you may know, this is a very difficult thing to achieve, but I feel fully capable of making it if, and a lot of people who I don't even know have told me that my music is good, so I just need to really put time into it, which I could never do because I never had the time to do it properly while I studied.

My mom (54F) believes that I need to finish the degree (3 more years) and I'll then have the time to make music and try to live off of it. She tends to think long-term, opposite of me. The idea of having to live 3 more years in my mother's house letting her pay for everything while thinking that I could be working in my craft freaks me out, it just doesn't feel good to me. I would like to bring money to the table too. I could go back for my degree in some years when I get things in place but right now everything looks messy so it doesn't really help at all.

I have my exams for the 1st semester in January, and I haven't really done much yet because it's really affecting my mind and studying abilities. My mom recently told me that if I drop out of university or fail the exams she is going to kick me out of the house with nothing at all.

How could I explain to her how I think so she understands that I'm not lazy and I just want to be true to myself?

TL;DR I (20M) want to make music instead of attending university. I chose a degree but I wouldn't like working a job related to that. I just wanted to learn. I want to put time into music while I work a regular job so I can feel like I am true to myself. My mom (54F) wants to kick me out of the house if I fail the exams or drop out. I don't want to be not doing anything at all, I just what to put time into something I feel like is worth it right now.