- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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A solid contender for the stupidest loving man on the planet!
Girlfriend (24F) is pregnant and is trying to force me (20M) to be a father. What should I do?
OP
quote:I know this sounds ridiculous and I'm going to get downvoted to hell. But my fetish is cumming inside women unprotected. So if I'm going to be in a relationship I want to do that. I thought the combination of calendar method and pull out would work.
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Oct 23, 2021 06:38
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 28, 2024 03:48
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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How in the loving making GBS threads hell are her parents taking her sister's side on this
What what what
Edit: oh obviously they're overweight too
The OP
quote:It was definitely a running joke during my teen years that I was the fat one and my sister was the skinny one.
The OP
quote:Thats pretty much how its been for me my whole life. I had the worst relationship with food and I had no confidence in my looks at all. It took a while to break off from that mindset.
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Oct 27, 2021 17:42
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for making vegan/tofu tetrizini for dinner, after my husband decided to try going vegan, then serving it to my BIL after they came over unannounced, and refusing to remake it with chicken after they didn’t like it?
quote:My husband decided to try (temporarily) going vegan, after someone at work recommended it. So with that in mind, I decided to make tofu/vegan-tetrizini for dinner the next night (yesterday). But My BIL and his wife ended up “swinging by since they were, in the neighborhood”.
After a bite - my brother-in-law spit it out, like a toddler spits out something they don’t like. And asked me what I did to it. I told him I made it vegan style since my husband is trying a vegan diet. He told me that it was “disgusting”, and I should have picked another day to make, “this crap”. And then his wife said I could’ve, “made a dinner that had veggies or something in it instead”. Which I could have. But I didn’t. Since I didn’t even know they were coming. And I think that they were very rude about it. Although I probably should’ve mentioned it had tofu instead of chicken in it.
He didn’t like it. And I refused to remake it. I didn’t eat any, since I had ate the rest of my Panda Express while dinner was cooking.
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Oct 29, 2021 22:33
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for "throwing" my career in my in-laws face?
quote:I know the title is a little weird but I'll do my best to provide context without too many identifying details, although this situation is quite specific. I [28F] have been with my husband [28M] "Jason" for 8 years, engaged for the last 2. My husband is Korean, and I'm Chinese, although I look ambiguously East Asian and people often think I'm Korean. My surname could also pass for Korean.
Jason is not too close with his parents, so I only met with them briefly over the years. They are quite traditional, but they really liked me because since my parents are also traditional, I kinda know how to cater to that demographic. It also helps that I'm a medical doctor, which is what they hoped Jason would be. He doesn't care much about having a career, and is actually currently more of a homemaker and spends most of his time painting miniatures. We joke often that he's my stay at home husband.
I felt that it would probably be best for our parents to meet before the actual wedding, so we had a small get together with our immediate families at our apartment. After initial introductions, his parents tried to talk to my parents in Korean, and they were horrified to find that my parents were actually Chinese. Apparently, they assumed I was Korean and just chose to speak to them in English whenever we met. His father was livid, and accused me of trying to dirty his bloodline and that he would not recognize any "half-breed" children of ours. He didn't stop there of course, the rant/lecture spiraled and he began attacking me for working too much, saying I could never be a proper wife or mother.
I was sitting there silently while Jason tried to calm his dad down up until this point, but I snapped and told him that my work was the only reason Jason and I were able to afford our apartment and that he should be grateful that I am in a position where I can afford to provide for his son. This really pissed him off and now he's also mad at Jason for not being a doctor and for not "keeping me in line"..
While my future FIL is a miserable nationalist goon, I do feel bad that I kind of dragged Jason into the line of fire because I knew that his parents would sometimes compare us in the past (i.e. OP did medical school, it's not too late for you to do it too!) Jason isn't upset with me nor does he fault me for what I said, but I can tell he is starting to get affected by his father's extended rage. AITA?
EDIT: there a number of comments calling Jason TA for not telling his parents about me being chinese, as well as calling him a mooch.
To be honest, I understand why he didn't tell them, as we both have somewhat strained relationships with our overbearing and manipulative parents. He said that his father has expressed feelings of nationalism before but could not have imagined how violently he would've reacted, and I believe him because I know they barely talk. He also said he would have told them I was chinese if they asked, they just never did. I also didn't really meet them until after we were engaged simply because we both just don't like our parents knowing stuff. I know it's not a very healthy way to deal with things, but we both just don't really tell our parents anything unless we HAVE to.
As for the mooch thing, I'll paste my response to a comment: I know it kind of seems like that, but he basically went into science despite kind of hating it just because his parents wanted him to (thats how we met). He wasn't sure what to do after uni so he worked as a lab tech, a job he hated, for like 5-6 years and supported me through medical school. I encouraged him to quit partway through the pandemic because I really started raking it in at this point, and now he takes care of me, our home, and is just exploring his options.
He didn't know he hated science when he chose his program, he was just 18 and didn't really know what he wanted to do with his life, which I think most people can relate to. I also didn't unilaterally decide for him to quit his job, we discussed it after I saw how unhappy his work made him. We are planning on having kids soon, so having him at home or working freelance will be very beneficial for us as I work crazy hours right now.
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Oct 29, 2021 23:42
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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This one had a link to another one of my favorites...
AITA for sending my family an angry email because they still speak to my ex-husband and even have him over, especially in light of his present “relationship” with a girl 20 years younger than him?
quote:So basic background is I’m 42, two kids age 14 and 12 and signed divorce papers in April after almost 2 years of it being drug out trying to get my fair share from him. The details of “why” are not important but I’m angry, embarrassed, lost and sad any given moment of the day. A lot of this has to do with feeling like I’ve been “replaced” by a 23 year old surfing instructor who is everything I’m not. My husband and kids claims that she is just his friend and helping him learn his life long desire to surf but Jesus Christ...give me a break.
My husband has primary custody because he had better lawyers who were able to manipulate some minor missteps on my part into the court seeing them as a huge deal. So this past weekend I picked up the kids and said we were going to visit my parents. They said they would rather use thier season passes to sea world since they spent all weekend with my parents and Aunt Stacey and Uncle Brian (my brother and sister who I didn’t even know were in town). I was like your dad took you? They said yes that my parents had invited him over to see everyone. I was devastated because while I don’t get along with my brother and sister (and my mom) they let my ex-husband know they were coming and not me. I can’t even let that sink in without tears forming. I sort of jested that “oh and let me guess Ms Surf Instructor was there too?” My daughter said “well actually we all went to her house in ocean beach because she gave Stacey and Brian lessons after ours.” That included my mom and dad. I was so devastated I took the kids back home and just went home and cried for an hour.
When I was done I sent a furious email to my entire family how inappropriate they all had been and then not only hanging out with my ex for an entire weekend, but his little chippy as well is a massive slap in the face and the fact they didn’t even tell they were in town let alone invite me makes me feel so alone.
My mom was the only one to respond and she basically said “yes it was rude we didn’t tell you Stacey and Brian were here and we shouldn’t have done that. But we didn’t divorce Bradley, and we still see him as a son. This email along with your behavior over the last 5 years should really give you insight into why we might not want you at family events.”
In so many words she called me rear end in a top hat for sending the email, was I?
Edit : to the people installing their own narrative on my post, yta. Just read what I wrote in the OP for your decision, ok?
Info - why don’t you and your family get along?
OP
quote:
Very condensed version I was seduced and basically mind controlled (like I said very condensed version) into a having an affair with a supplier at my company
Why couldn't you say no?
OP
quote:
Ask any victim of #metoo why they couldn’t say no
OP
quote:
My husband told me flat of he was not attracted to me since I was fat. The supplier said everything I wanted/needed to hear to feel like a person again and manipulated me into the affair
Being told you're pretty and cheating on your husband is exactly what the #metoo movement is all about! That's why your entire family is siding with your husband and his hot new surf instructor girlfriend!
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Nov 1, 2021 21:38
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I also like the confusing wording, it initially seemed her parents had invited her ex to an activity on her weekend. But no, OP is pissed her ex took her kids and her parents to seaworld and his new partner gave them surfing lessons. That's the thing that prompted the nasty email, a family vacation at the ocean.
I'm getting divorced. I hope and pray my ex finds a new partner who treats her well and likes my kids and teaches them fun active things. Please by all means take my parents out and give them surfing lessons, they'd love that. What's this lady's problem??
She's the protagonist, and her family isn't respecting that.
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Nov 1, 2021 22:45
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Wasn’t there another one from the wife’s POV because he claimed he just got randomly fired or something and she was like wtf.
I believe so but haven't found it... Did find a third though that was missed before...
Do you tell employers why you fired someone?(reference check)
quote:I was a Director of Operations. I was terminated for sexually harassing a non-employee at a hotel(company function).
I have applied for many positions as Director and mid level manager. I have six interviews set up. I know once I get to the reference check, they will contact my previous employer. I need to know what type of information they can legally provide.
My (now former) boss has not returned a single call or text and neither has HR. I would like for them to say that they laid me off as opposed to termination.
I cannot get unemployment and have money to cover the next six months of bills but would like to get back to working.
What can my former employer tell a new employer? If they are allowed to tell them that I was terminated and why, how can I ever recover from this? I've never been so stressed in my life. I have a wife and children.
I never harassed an employee and never will. I also cut the drinking and will NEVER screw up again. Please help.
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Nov 3, 2021 05:25
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Say "I cast magic missile" and throw the vodka bottle at Chris's face
Too bad it wasn't whiskey 'cuz maybe it'd be fireball...
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Nov 3, 2021 18:49
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Guess the spoilers!
AITA for getting upset my wife ordered take out?
quote:My wife Ali (34F) and I (25M) had an argument over take-out that I'm thinking I made worse than it had to be by not being sympathetic.
I work 5 days a week, 6am to 5pm, including travel time. Ali is a SAHM to our two daughters (5 and 3) and we split the chores on a 60-40 schedule, and cooking on a 4-3 (I take weekends and Fridays or Mondays). Last night was her night to cook, but she said she was exhausted and experiencing the monthly flow, so she wanted me to take over for the night.
I asked her what she wanted for dinner and she said she didn't know. So I started listing some of her favorites that I could easily make based off what we had in the house, but she shot each down with increasing impatience, then finally interrupted me and said that half the point of me taking over was so she didn't have to think about it. So, I made a quick pasta bake, which the girls like because I usually put in tomatoes and bell peppers. Ali asked me what was for dinner and when I told her she said "Oh sounds good" which I took to mean that she was on board.
Ali sat down to dinner with us and picked at it, which I assumed was due to an upset stomach or cramps, and when she went to lie down while I got the girls ready for bed, I was all the more sure of that. While I was getting them ready, though, the doorbell rang. Ali had ordered jalapeno poppers, mozzarella sticks and cheese fries from a local pizza place. Not wanting to get the girls riled up I let it go and continued with their night routine and only asked her about it after they were asleep.
She was baffled that I ever thought she was going to eat what I had made. She said I should have known because this was her go-to comfort meal during this time of the month, and it's telling I didn't even care to remember or accomodate that. I pointed out that I had tried to include her wants and desires but she hadn't given me anything to work with. Ali argued that she has, for 7 years now, and this isn't a good precedent for later down the line or for the girls. She took the fries she had ordered and put them in the fridge for me for when I "stop being a dick".
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Nov 3, 2021 23:35
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Two-Years before the post:
My [46M] daughter's [23F] fiancé left her for a girl she used to bully
Deleted post that Daughter Melissa was engaged to Alex and bullied the poo poo out of another girl Ashley non-stop for years. To the point that Alex broke up with Melissa and started dating Ashley instead. Literally said to her father, 'how could he leave me for someone so far beneath me?'
And onto... today's feature!
quote:Decided to put this here because I don't feel comfortable telling my friends about this.
My wife and I have two daughters. Melissa, 25 and Megan, 18. Melissa works in banking in the city while Megan recently started working at a hairdresser not far from our house.
The girls have always had a bit of a ''sibling rivalry'' but are generally civil to each other. They have very different personalities. Melissa is very girly and a proper princess, but also very smart and confident, whereas Megan is a bit tomboyish and while talented, isn't really academic which is why she chose to get a job after leaving school rather than pursuing higher education. Their mother and me are very proud of both of their achievements.
Megan also recently got together with Sam, her best friend from school. We're happy for them as he's a decent guy. Melissa has always enjoyed winding up her little sister, and over the past few weeks has taken to mocking their relationship for some reason. We've warned her not to be cruel but she doesn't really listen. The two have not done anything but argue over the past few weeks, and Melissa has questioned why Sam doesn't find someone more attractive, and is constantly telling Megan that he could ''do better'' than her. She was close to tears because of this.
On Saturday Megan and Sam were hanging out in the garden while I was sorting out some old equipment in the shed. My wife and Melissa came to join us. The girls started arguing again after Melissa said ''Hey ugly'' to her sister. As they argued Melissa said she was going to ''prove'' that Sam would rather be with a better looking woman. Out of the blue, she tried to kiss him. He pulled away straight away, and while everyone was shocked, Megan was furious and punched Melissa in the face. Melissa screamed and tried to protect herself but Megan didn't stop. She kept punching and kicking her, and didn't stop even after she'd knocked her to the ground. She also shoved my wife back when she tried to grab her. I would have broken them up but I was making sure my wife wasn't hurt.
Melissa is severely asthmatic and began having an asthma attack when she was on the ground. Even when she was clearly struggling to breath Megan didn't stop kicking her. It was only here that Sam (who is aware of Melissa's condition) pulled her back and took her to his house to calm down.
My wife called an ambulance and Melissa was taken to hospital, where she's been for the past few days. Thankfully, they were able to bring her asthma attack under control, but she has a broken jaw and bruising everywhere. She's also told us she will press charges against her sister unless we kick her out.
What do we do? It's doubtful any kind of peace can be arranged between the sisters, and we've been unable to convince Melissa not to do this. Either we kick Megan out or she ends up getting arrested. In theory she could go and live with Sam but obviously we'd rather our child stay with us, but even if we somehow convince Melissa not to go ahead with this, what if she attacks her sister again?
OP 2 years ago
quote:
Thanks for this. I appreciate it. I think it's true that this is the first adversity she has to deal with. After I was bullied and nobody gave a poo poo I made sure that Melissa would never have to go through all that pain. She's never struggled socially or academically so I think this is a massive hurdle for her.
I agree that she should focus on getting her life back on track, but emotionally she's not in a good place right now. She works in banking, and the last thing I want is for her to have an emotional breakdown in front of a client. I think some down time may be best for her career and her emotional state.
Too bad that didn't go for Megan eh?
UPDATE
quote:Thanks for the advice on the original post
My wife and I spent a lot of time discussing what we were going to do about what happened. Megan is (for the moment) staying at Sam's parents, while Melissa is being kept in the hospital because her asthma symptoms are persisting.
We eventually decided that Megan should be our priority at the moment. Some of the people on the other post seemed to think we had ''favouritism'' towards Melissa. That isn't the case, we love them both. However, I will admit that Melissa got more attention than Megan did when they were little, simply because her medical problems were a huge worry for us. I think most people would agree that making a sick child's care your priority is not immoral. That said, it was absolutely wrong that we treated Melissa too leniently in her behaviour towards her sister. We should have made clear that her remarks about Megan's appearance and her relationship with Sam were not acceptable. If we'd done that than maybe things wouldn't have gotten this far.
We went to see Melissa in hospital yesterday and told her what was going to happen. We told her that if she makes an effort to get Megan arrested, then Sam will report the unwanted kiss as sexual assault, and we would back him up. We also stated that we would not give any statement supporting her accusation against Megan.
Melissa then started to sob and said we were being unfair to her, and said that we were siding with Megan and were letting Megan get away with hurting her.
We also told her that at the moment, Megan was our priority. Melissa has a fully established career whereas Megan has only just got a job. Melissa makes enough money that she could easily get her own place if she wanted, which is why we're going to let Megan stay with Sam for two months, during which time we expect Melissa to get her stuff together and find somewhere of her own.
Melissa was horrified and upset when she heard this. We tried to comfort her and told her we will help her with anything she needs. We said we'd help her find a place if she wanted and that we'd still be involved in her life. She was crying her eyes out at this point and said that she was being punished for getting attacked. He mother tried to soothe her and assure her that we love her, but she said that if we loved her we wouldn't be kicking her out.
At this point she was distressed and her asthma symptoms started to come back. She was breathing heavily and I called someone. Even as she was struggling and we were ushered away we could tell how heartbroken she was and it was painful for us.
While I think this is the best thing we can do, I'm not necessarily sure it's the right thing. Melissa, while financially sound, is emotionally dependent on us and I'm not sure she could cope on her own. Even so, Megan is our priority now and we have to do what's best for her, and we've also started talking about getting her therapy if that's what she wants, and hopefully in a few years we can work towards some kind of peace between the sisters.
Did we do the right thing?
Man, Melissa and the bullying, lost her fiancé, lost her jaw, lost her sister, lost her home. Wonder if any of it will be a wake up call.
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Nov 5, 2021 00:22
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for “causing” a coworker to get written up by HR
quote:I(33M) work at an office job with lots of different people. The other day in the break room I was speaking with a coworker about the student loan system in the US. Another coworker(36F) who was eavesdropping interrupted us to say that only people like her who have kids should get a say in what is taught in schools. Not wanting to get into it, I tried to explain to her that wasn’t even what we were talking about. She kept replying that because I don’t ever plan on having kids I shouldn’t have any opinion on the educational system. This really annoyed me, even though it made no sense as an argument,and I told her verbatim, “ I’m not less of a person because I didn’t pop brats out of me.” She got really flustered and left. The next day I get called into our manager’s office where an HR rep and the coworker are waiting. The coworker goes on to say I harassed by saying I told her she should have her tubes tied and that she shouldn’t be” shooting a thousand kids out her vagina.” I was very annoyed and explained that was certainly not what I said. My story was corroborated by three other employees. Here is where I may be the rear end in a top hat, I in turn filed an HR complaint against this coworker for lying about me. Now she is under investigation and this looks like it might impact a promotion she is up for. People in the office are saying I should have let it go and it was over the line to report her that close to a promotion. I just feel it wouldn’t be an issue if she didn’t lie. AMITA?
People who make false HR complaints absolutely should not be promoted and be put in a position over anyone else.
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Nov 5, 2021 18:38
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Yah it’s fully gone. I read all the comments for quotes from it and put some in what I originally posted.
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Nov 5, 2021 22:00
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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That one was a real doozy. IIRC the number involved was nearly a million dollars and they got it by pressuring the executor to violate her fiduciary duty. Then got all confused as to how the brother's longtime partner had a copy of the will.
I hope the reason it's never been updated is that the whole family is now living under an overpass with no internet access
I spent some time trying to find it in MA probate court records and failed miserably as that's not something I know how to do...
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Nov 9, 2021 20:47
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Oh great, another case of an older dude creeping on a younger woman in the workplace thinking being nice is coming onto him...
Me [40 m] with my coworker/closer friend [29 f]. We're close, sometimes I think there's more other times I'm not so sure.
quote:This girl and I have been coworkers for about three years and have become close friends over the course of the last year and a half. She got out of a relationship about 6 months ago and I have been divorced for about a year now and it feels like our dynamic has been changing recently – as in we are growing closer and closer. That being said, I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into it or if she has interest – at some point I will ask her but because of the age difference and having been out of the dating game for more than a decade I’m curious as to what others would think. For the record, the coworkers we are closest too seem to think she’s interested in me.
• She’s become more physical with me. In the past, she used to touch my elbow to tease me about how cold her hands were. She likes playing with my arm hair or stroke my arm and sometimes when we’re talking, she’ll rest her legs on top of mine. Now when she gives me hugs, they’re no longer the friendly side hug, she comes up to me and presses herself against me, leaning her head on my shoulder or chest. She’ll randomly grab my hand and have me follow her to help with something. If I tell her my back hurts, she’ll give me a back rub or massage. When I’m sitting down and we’re talking, she leans up against me if she’s standing up. She starts a few hours earlier than I do, if I don’t hug her when I come to work, she says something like “excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something?” When her shift is over (a few hours before mine), she asks me to walk her to her car. If I’m not working that day, she walks alone and doesn’t have anyone else walk her up.
• When we’re assigned to different areas of our department, she’ll come and spend time with me in my area. She flirts with me and some of it is mildly sexual – she comes from a pretty traditional culture (Arab) and she’s told me she usually doesn’t flirt like that. She also doesn’t express emotions. For example, she went away recently and asked if I was going to miss her. When I said I was going to I also told her that she can tell me she misses me. She responded with “I don’t really express those feelings.” While she was away, we were talking and I said I might call off on the day of her return to work and she said “you better not, I miss you.” When I asked her about not expressing herself, she sent back a winky face.
• Other guys at work try to flirt with her, she doesn’t really respond or just laughs it off. We talk about everything and text each other throughout the day. We always text each other “good night” and “good morning” even if we’ve had a day where we haven’t really texted. We call each other honey and sweetheart. She gets jealous when other girls at work try to flirt with me and will show me memes that say something along the lines of “when another girl flirts with your man that’s not your man” and has some random picture of an upset animal or something like that.
• A few weeks ago, we were talking about going to lunch together and she was making super elaborate plans about where we’d go and what we’d eat, etc…and she ended it by saying “and we can call it a date.” Unfortunately, I had to cancel due to one of my parents being diagnosed with cancer. We’ve both been busy and haven’t had a chance to reschedule but will have some time next week.
• When we do certain tasks at work that we’re required to do every night, we do them together and I call them “work dates.” She always gets a quick little smile on her face when I do so. If I’m not around she’ll come find me and say “time for our date.”
• She sends me pictures of herself all the time. If she’s out of town, she’ll send me a picture of herself at the beach or having a glass of wine, or whatever. She was out of town for Halloween and sent me a picture of herself in her costume. She’ll send me videos of herself with her family – I’ve only met her brother and sister-in-law. I’ll send her pictures of places I want to go and she’ll say something like “take me there.” Or if I send her a picture and say that I’m going there alone, she’ll always – I mean every single time – say “no, we’re going together.”
There are a lot more things she does that shows she’s interested in me. We’ve hung out a few times, and I’d like to ask her out but I’m not sure how to go about making it clear that my intention is for it to be a date and not hang out as friends.
I’m not looking for comments regarding dating coworkers: our employer doesn’t care and neither of us reports to the other. If we were to date and things went south, it’s easy enough for me to transfer to another location that’s about 10 minutes closer to where I live.
I’m also not looking for comments regarding the age difference. I’ve made jokes about our age difference, and she’s made it clear that she doesn’t care that I’m older than her.
tl;dr: pretty sure co-worker/close friend is interested in me. We’ve hung out in the past, but want to make clear that next time we hang out I want it to be a date. How to go about doing so without being an awkward gently caress.
ETA: as I don't think I was clear - I am very interested in her.
Uh... or maybe she's beating him over the head with signals...
UPDATE: Me [40 m] with my coworker/closer friend [29 f]. We're close, sometimes I think there's more other times I'm not so sure.
quote:So, after posting and re-reading what I wrote, I basically figured it was obvious that my friend was interested in me. I gave her a call and asked her if she wasn’t busy that night if she wanted to go on a dinner date. She said “wait, is this a date? Or just us getting dinner like we always do?” I said it was a date and she agreed to go.
During dinner we chatted as normal but then she got serious and asked what took me so long to ask her out and that she had thrown all the signs at me that she could think of to show her interest. She said that she had almost resigned herself to the idea that I wasn’t interested in her as anything more than friends. I explained to her that I hadn’t dated in years, was nervous and just didn’t know how to go about it. After dinner, we ended up going on a walk . I’d like to say that holding her hand felt different, but since we’ve flirtatiously done it in the past it just felt normal and natural.
That was Saturday and we’ve been on a couple of dates since then. Everything just feels natural with her, kind of like we were already together but now it’s finally “official.” We talked to our manager at work and asked if there was anything we needed to fill out, she said no but also asked me why it took me so long to ask her out. Apparently, everyone at work thought we’d been together for a while.
So that’s it, nothing too exciting.
tl;dr: Asked my close friend out, she said yes.
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Nov 10, 2021 19:02
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for screaming at my sister she's a "poisonous bitch?" and blaming the rest of my family for her behavior?
quote:This happened a good while ago but I'm still wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut or not. I, 26 f, was with my family getting ready for a family meal one evening waiting for my brother and sister, 31 to get home. We're all still living together, she's still looking for a house of her own. When my sister and brother got home, the minute my sister got in the door she immediately started ranting about something my brother had bought, stating it was a waste of money. She kept at it and at it, like she was deliberately causing trouble. Before she came in the door, I had a cup of tea ready for her to be nice, and she never said thank you for that. My mother was so upset about the ranting that she went off to bed. The evening was ruined, everyone was upset by now. The rest of us, including sister, were sitting at the table for a while, she kept taking jibes at everyone and calling the dinner disgusting, making faces, etc.
She started drinking the cup of tea I had made for her and made a face, indicating it was disgusting. By now, I'd had enough of it, so I got up and tried to take it away. If she wasn't even going to say thank you, throw it back in my face, I didn't want to stand for it. She resisted and we both started crying, she started tilting the cup to the side to spill it and then blame it on me, saying "Don't spill the tea." My dad said "Stop, you're just adding fuel to the fire." But I didn't care at that time, I was fed up of her attitude.
I gave up and in frustration, I yelled at her "Poisonous bitch." I then went into a full blown rant at her and the rest of my family, calling them cowards for not standing up to her. They all kept sitting there staring, not saying anything and I could not stick it. I told her, even though I doubt it went anywhere, "She's a toxic bitch, none of you will say anything. Bulldozes in here, ruins the evening and upsets everyone, makes it all about herself, and not one of you loving cowards will stand up to her, won't even apologize, and there she is crying trying to act like she's the victim. Well it's no loving wonder she's the way she is, you all pussyfoot around her like she's so delicate."
Nothing even changed the next few days, she never apologized.
OP must be adopted because backbones are hereditary.
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Nov 13, 2021 01:36
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for getting mad because my gf let her brother stay in our apartment without permission?
quote:I (23M) and my girlfriend (21F) have been dating for 2 years. I started dating her because I was attracted to her intelligence, she always gave me good advice in work and personal matters. She is very successful career-wise and doesn't let anyone walk over her. But I have been questioning this impression of her lately.
I moved in with her six months after we started dating. Her brother (then 16) was already living with her at the time as their parents passed away. To be honest, it was uncomfortable living with a third person because I couldn't spend quality time with my girlfriend and I could tell her brother didn't like me. I put up with it because he was still a kid and I felt bad for their situation.
Last month, the brother turned 18. Although my girlfriend's name is on the contract, I help pay the bills and do chores around the house. But the brother has never contributed financially. It's not like he can't - he's worked part-time jobs since he was 15 but my girlfriend refuses to let him pay to stay with us because he needs the money for his "college fund".
I was fine with this until he became an adult. Now, he should have to do his part and I told him as such. He said he would do more chores and run errands instead of paying because he "doesn't have money" - despite having 2 part-time jobs - so I went to my girlfriend about it. She said that if I felt the split wasn't fair, she would pay two-thirds of the rent on behalf of her brother and I could pay the rest. I started to get angry then and told her that it's not right for her to be letting an adult man leech off us.
I made it very clear that the brother shouldn't be living with us now that he's no longer a minor. He has been constantly leeching off my girlfriend by letting her pay for his tuition fees, college applications etc while giving nothing in return. When both of them started ignoring me I packed up the brother's stuff and told him to leave.
My girlfriend went totally nuts. She threw a hissy fit and said that I was overstepping my boundaries. She went on this spiel about how her family is her top priority (even though I'm the one who supported her for the last couple years) and how I had no right to bully an 18-year-old. When I tried to explain how she's being a pushover for letting her brother walk all over her she screamed to get out and never come back. I was obviously shocked at being kicked out of my own home so I refused, and she threatened me with the police. I grabbed my stuff and went, and I'm now waiting for her to get over it so I can return.
I've had to stay on a friend's couch for the last few days because my girlfriend of 2 years cares about doing everything for another man, completely ignoring how she overstepped my boundaries by allowing an outsider in our place. AITA for getting upset?
She made it quite clear she's not your gf any more dude...
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Nov 13, 2021 03:04
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Was there ever an update to that guy who was teaching children over zoom and his wife or girlfriend just would not stop interrupting the class?
My [33m] wife [25f] constantly makes a conscious effort to humiliate me during my lessons over Zoom
quote:While under normal circumstances I would try to communicate my feelings to my wife, I am at my wits' end for how to handle this situation, as I have exhausted all of the typical conflict resolution means.
Being a teacher, I am currently giving lessons over Zoom. I recognize that studying math over Zoom isn't the most exciting thing in the world for students, and I can barely get them to even pretend to be interested in my lessons when we're in the classroom, but they have done an admirable job of staying focused. My wife is making it extremely difficult on my end, though.
Several months ago when my lessons began, I went from working long hours to being at home all day. Unfortunately my wife does not seem to understand that while I am at home, and while I can occasionally help out with a chore or two, I still have actual work to do. Between lesson prep, grading, and meetings, my schedule is quite full.
The first time she interrupted my lesson, she abruptly opened the door to the room where I was teaching and loudly asked me to do the dishes. This was unbelievably awkward as I was in the middle of teaching three dozen tenth graders geometry. I told her we would talk about it later, but not being deterred, she asked if that was a "yes" or a "no." I said it was a "yes," but that I was in the middle of a lesson. Without a word she closed the door. I got some chuckles from the students but a bit of red-cheeked embarrassment was the extent of the damage.
The next time, two days later, she again barged in holding a pair of my pants that I left on the floor of our bedroom. She loudly stated "you need to pick up after yourself." This time, before responding, I muted my mic and turned off my camera telling her that I was in the middle of a lesson. Again, she walked away without a word.
At this point I moved my setup into the basement of our house so I could avoid further interruption. Since my basement looks like it probably has a few dead bodies buried in it, my students have begun to call me "Basement Dad," which is endearing, but I would rather teach in a room where I'm not going to get asbestos in my lungs. The trouble really began when I started locking the door to prevent interruptions.
My wife will begin by rattling the door a few times, followed by pounding on it. Then she'll groan loudly and say something negative about me. After that I can hear her walking around the house slamming doors.
A few weeks ago, she was literally jumping up and down, stomping her feet, in the room above mine. In the first months of these online lessons I set up a hotkey to mute my mic and disable my camera instantly when needed, and luckily my reflexes honed from Counter-Strike in my teens has paid off. But there have been times where she has sneaked in an embarrassing moment for me.
Every time I have patiently explained to her that I need complete quiet to teach my lessons, and she says "yeah yeah yeah OK." Then in the next lesson, without fail, she'll find something new to complain about and throw a tantrum, trying to humiliate me in front of my students. While my mute game is on point, students have recognized something is wrong. One of my 9th graders even sent me an email asking if everything was OK. I had to make up a lame excuse about needing to mute my mic because of a sudden grinding noise that happens in my old basement. There's no way she bought that.
Since I'm unable to go out, unable to even enter the school grounds, and have no place to go to avoid my wife, I'm unbelievably anxious when I teach. I have tried talking to her calmly, and I even tried to get angry at her. When I yelled at her for forcefully sliding plastic files under the door so they'd float down in the background during my lessons, she expected me to apologize for getting angry at her.
How can I even approach this kind of problem?
TL;DR: my wife is acting ridiculous when I'm teaching lessons over Zoom. Most of the rest of the day she's normal, but during lessons she does everything in her power to sabotage me.
This one?
quote:
About a week and a half ago, I made a post here about my wife consciously trying to sabotage my lessons over Zoom. It seemed that everything she did was just to embarrass me in front of my students. If you want more information about the situation, you can find the original post here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/illtan/my_33m_wife_25f_constantly_makes_a_conscious/
My first lesson after making that post, my wife went straight back to her old antics. I was in the lesson room as students gradually joined, talking to a student who was interested in luxury cars. At some point during the conversation, I said “yeah I think I’d have to go with the Lamborghini there.” I heard from behind the door in the basement where I was teaching “LaMBorGhiNi” in the sarcastic exaggerated tone of voice that kids will use to mock you. I realized she was being childish again, but figured she’d eventually tire herself out.
A few minutes after the lesson started, I used the word “circumference” to describe a word problem. I then heard “ciRCuMFeREnCe” from behind the door at the top of the stairs, followed by giggling. Since the timing was right, as I was about to have the students take a shot at a problem, I set them to the task, muted my mic/disabled my camera, and quietly crept up the stairs. I suddenly opened the door to find my wife with a cup over her ear pushed against the door so she could hear me.
I whisper-shouted at her for her behavior for about a minute. I asked if she was five years old and what the hell was wrong with her. She feigned fear and shock as if I had held her against the wall with my hands wrapped around her throat, which made me just sigh and go back downstairs to finish my lesson.
For the rest of the lesson she was quiet, but after it I went upstairs to bring up what she did. She started asking if I was going to yell at her again. I responded that I wouldn't, and I tried to get back on topic, but no matter what I said about her behavior, her response was the same. When I brought up her stomping in the room above before, “are you going to yell at me again?” When I brought up her sliding plastic files under the door during a lesson before, “oh, are you going to yell at me again?” When I brought up anything she has done during lessons, the answer was the same, over and over again.
There is absolutely no way to broach the topic with her now. I called her doctor and said that her behavior is erratic, and that she might have PPD. The doctor said that he could ask about it when she came in, but there is not much else he could do. The next day I tried to sit my wife down for a calm discussion about the possibility of her having PPD, to which she responded she had PTSD from my “abusive shouting.” Right. When I suggested therapy, together, she said “oh, to fix your anger management problems? Sounds good.”
I teach in my car in front of a Starbucks now. Outside of lesson time we haven't really had any issues, and now that I'm outside the house teaching, we are strained but stable. I know this is not a very satisfactory outcome, but I think she has deep underlying issues that are going to need professional intervention. When I said I would happily go to therapy with her to find a solution to our communication issues, she told me that I should go alone. I think that may actually be a good step because having a neutral party to listen to my worries and guide me towards better de-escalation tactics would be highly beneficial. I could also try to entice her to join gradually.
TL;DR: my wife has no desire to change. I’m going to start therapy alone and see if I can’t get her to join. Her doctor will bring up the possibility of PPD in her next appointment.
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Nov 14, 2021 01:17
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for evicting him and his 13yo daughter?
quote:My BF (34) of 3 years just moved in to my (32F) 3 bedroom home 5 months ago. This home has been in my family for the past 70 years. I have a 5yo son. He has a 13yo daughter. I made sure I moved all of my stuff out of my office and put it in the loft so she could have her own bedroom. I think it was about a month in to him living here that his daughter wanted to move in with us full time- as she doesnt have her own bedroom at her moms. I was completely fine with this.
Anyways, I started running in to a lot of problems not even a week after she moved in full time. She became really...entitled and demanding. Like demanding that my son trade rooms with her because it has a bigger closet and pitched a huge fit when I said no. Or demanding we buy her expensive clothes or makeup because I'm a real estate agent and I "have loads of money". Call me crazy but I'm not about to drop $120 on a pair of ripped up jeans or drop $200 on 3 pieces of makeup. Her dad works but his income is significantly less than mine so she really just expected me to be the one who spoils her rotten. Or pushing her plate of food away and saying "I'm not eating that but you can cook me something else." I can deal with her childish tantrums and slamming doors but she has now started to put holes in my walls and my BF makes excuses saying he used to do the same thing and she will grow out of it. She torments my son. If he says anything to her she literally ALWAYS responds with "Oh you're talking to me? Swap rooms with me and I will think about responding." Her dad literally never attempts to correct her behavior and I'm told I'm being too harsh if I do.
The tip of the mountain for me here was 2 weeks ago there was a foul smell coming from her room so I asked her to clean it because you couldnt see the floor. She said "Uhm no? It's my room so I dont see why you have any say on how I treat my personal space." Her father actually agreed with her. 3 days later the smell had become so bad that I lost it. I told her to clean it or she was moving out. This was AFTER I saw at least 6 used menstrual pads thrown throughout her room as well as half eaten food and moldy drink cups. She starts crying and saying I'm treating her like she is Cinderella and I'm acting like an evil step mom. I told my BF either he handles it or they're both gone. He clearly didnt believe me because he told me that I needed to "lighten the gently caress up" because his daughter is "having a rough time transitioning and being away from her mom". I gave it a week, nothing changed. I went and got an eviction notice drawn up and gave them 30 days to vacate my property and told him hes lucky I'm not suing for damages. He says I'm an AH for throwing away 3 years because I "cant handle not having my own way". AITA?
Now even the 13 year olds are getting in on give me your house?
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Nov 14, 2021 05:32
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for accusing my boyfriends mother of trying to poison me?
quote:So I (f21) have been dating my boyfriend (28m) for 3 years, but have not properly met his family as they live in another state. They came to the city I live in with my boyfriend for November, so I was nervous but excited to finally meet them. They were going to stay in a hotel but we arranged for them to have dinner at our house on their second night here. The whole night was a mess even before the 'incident'.
I arranged a meal catered for their likes e.g. father loves steak with Béarnaise sauce so I spent a couple weeks test running how to make it. Day of, his mother calls as I'm cooking and says they want a simple night in and to just order some take away. Ok whatever, leftovers for tomorrow and prepped meals for the rest of the week.
Also took the day off to deep clean and cook so I didn't get paid. Not that big of a deal just frustrating when I didn't have to do either as they arrived nearly 2 hours late.
His family were definitely more interested in talking to him than me (obviously he's their son) so I felt a little awkward, especially as my boyfriend ignored me the whole time they were here. All I would've wanted was him trying to include me in the conversation. Majority of the interaction we had had up to that stage were asking me where the bathroom is, a drink/refills. When it came time to order dinner, my boyfriend suggested a restaurant we frequent weekly. Its a family run business and I'm friends with the owners daughter, so the following is well known. I have a dairy allergy, not intolerance. If I have dairy I can have strong reactions (swelling of throat/face, vomiting, hives etc). Because of this and other moral/ethical issues, I'm a vegan. While the restaurant has 1 vegan option, another vegetarian meal on the menu that I get is easily made to be vegan. My boyfriend calls and we pass the phone around telling them the order, and I didn't really overthink it.
When the food arrives, I go to the kitchen to serve it in bowls. While doing this I get a long text message from my friend who was extremely upset and angry. I obviously freaked out and instantly rang her. She said an older woman called back to change her meal and also changed mine, requesting it to include dairy. I'm shocked and told her I did not tell her to do that. I went to my boyfriend and asked him if I could talk to him alone, but he brushed me off and asked for another drink. I was panicking at this stage and tried to quietly ask him if his mother changed my dinner order. He repeated my question at normal volume so the whole room heard and his mother jumped in, denying changing my order. I was confused and said that I'm allergic to dairy so I wouldn't be able to eat dinner with them. My boyfriend got angry and said me not eating showed that I didn't trust him or his family, and said he couldn't stand the sight of me after accusing his mother of trying to poison me. I ran out crying. AITA.
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Nov 14, 2021 09:16
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Give me your name!
My trans sister changed her first name... To my name
quote:My sister is trans and has been in transition for about two years. It's been long and complicated, but we've always been really close as siblings and I have supported her through it all. At the beginning, she wanted to be called Stella which is the first letter of her given name and also the first letter of my name. So, we all embraced her as Stella and it was great.
Last week I logged on to Facebook and saw that her name had changed. To my name. My exact name. I thought it was a prank, or something, but I called her immediately and she was basically like, "Yeah, I really like that name and I think it fits!" No asking if it was okay or saying "gosh I hope you don't mind", just... Total casual oblivion.
My name is REALLY uncommon - it's not Ann, or something. It's not some coincidence. And I asked her if there was something to this and she just sounded like she really didn't get why I was even talking to her about it.
My name is also my brand - I am a relatively well known freelance designer and my name is the business name! So I'm in knee-deep with my name, is what I'm saying.
Then yesterday, I heard from one of her friends that she is planning on formally going through with a legal name change.
I want to support her like I always have. We're so close and I've always been a huge advocate for her. But I am having an INCREDIBLY hard time accepting this. Am I making too big of a deal about it? Can anyone tell me what's going on? Thank you so much.
Edit
Thank you all so much for the advice so far, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I feel a lot less unreasonable. I am going to call her again and invite her over to dinner tomorrow or Friday. I might invite one of our mutual friends who she really respects and tends to listen to when she doesn't listen to me, but I haven't decided yet. I don't want her to feel ambushed. We'll see how that goes - I'll keep you all posted, definitely!
Edit #2
Since a lot of people are saying that using a throwaway doesn't help when my situation is so unique and identifiable by people who actually know me, oh well. I just didn't want people I know looking at my posting history and seeing it there, but if they stumble across this, it happens.
UPDATE
Here's what happened/is happening. I talked to one of our level-headed mutual friends who has been really great at getting through to my sister in the past when I haven't been able to. She told me that the subject has been this HUGE thing in their circle of friends with all these giant group Facebook messages where people were trying to figure out what was going on - several thought the same change was some weird prank or something, like I initially did. The mutual friend informs them all that no, this isn't a joke, so everyone was trying to decide how best to approach it. But so far no one (besides mutual friend, who is the one that told me she was going to go through with a legal name change) had actually talked to my sister about any of it.
So the question then was whether it would be better if her friends talked to her about it (since they could provide an "outsider" non-family perspective) or if it was better for me to do it. After going back and forth about it, we decided that I should do it, so I called my sister and we made plans to get together for dinner the following day, Saturday.
That night (Friday) my sister went out to a Halloween party with some of her friends, and one of them decided that it would be a really great time to confront my sister about the name change and did so by saying completely untrue, inflammatory things about ME (like that I was going to file a restraining order if she took my name, that I was embarrassed about her being trans... all the people who were there and witnessed it tell me it was really, really bad). Mind you I am about 800 years too old for this kind of poo poo.
So my sister calls me, drunk and crying, and she's hardly making any sense and I have NO IDEA what is going on. I go pick her up and get briefed on what happened by someone and my sister is furious at me but then she's also too drunk to really have a meaningful conversation or direct her fury in a constructive way so I get her into the back of my car and she pukes and falls asleep. Ahh, family is great.
I set her up on my couch and spend all night figuring out what exactly I'm going to say. I read through the responses to my original post again and tried to compile the best advice into a concise, meaningful statement against taking my name - I wanted to go the compassionate, reasonable route and not the "I'll sue you!!!" route.
I said, basically: I love you tons and you know that, and I've always supported you through everything, always. My name is my identity and it's important to me... blah blah blah... your identity is important to you... blah blah blah...
She had been listening the whole time, then interrupted me and responded with the following, this is a direct quote: "Wow, butthurt much?"
Yes, that's right. "Wow, butthurt much". Yes, all my years of support and undying love and advocacy and I get a "wow, butthurt much".
So now I am actually pissed and I am slightly less nice and more realistic about the implications that us having the same name would have. She says, "You're making a big deal over nothing." I say, "My identity isn't nothing." It was like a Lifetime Original Movie.
I ask her to tell me why we doesn't think this is a big deal. She says that people have the same name all the time, citing some kids that lived on our block growing up that were both named "Thomas," and so one went by Thomas B. and one went by Thomas K. in school and it wasn't a big deal. I said that isn't the same at all because we are directly related. It went around like this for awhile and I was growing more frustrated and I was worried I was going to say something I would regret, so I had her call a friend to pick her up and get her out of there before I lost it.
I told her I wanted her to really, really think on this decision and if picking my name was really being true to her unique self, and said that although we clearly don't see eye on eye on this right now, please just promise me you won't go through with a legal name change at this point. She rolled her eyes but agreed (we pinky promised, so there's that). But then she said, again, "I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this."
So that was Saturday morning. Sunday morning, I wrote her and reiterated what I had said the day before but also told her that I needed some time to cool off from this whole thing.
A lot of people in my original post responded that they thought that she was playing this off as a means to do something sinister (like steal my so-so credit rating and open so-so bank accounts in my name), or that she is envious that I was born in a female's body and lived the life that she, from her point of view, could have easily had, one that was free from the painful struggles with identity. I definitely do not think the former is true for a multitude of reasons, but I do think that the latter holds a lot more weight than I previously thought. She does see a counselor and I'm sincerely hoping she is talking this out with them. Once I calm down a little bit I may see if she would be interested in having a couple of sessions together. I am hoping that this passes, even though that it is happening at all is very uncharacteristic - she isn't usually this lacking in empathy and clueless-seeming. But, for now, she is not going to legally change her name and that is a small victory and we'll see what happens next.
Thanks again for all the great support and advice in my original post. If people are interested in what happens next, I'll keep you posted.
tl;dr
I was going to talk to my sister, her dramatic drunk friend beat me to it in a spectacular fashion, sister was mad, had talk with sister, sister thought I was "butthurt" and making a big deal about nothing, I need time off from sister to eat ice cream and watch Game of Thrones forever, no real resolution at this point.
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Nov 14, 2021 20:00
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Moms extreme efforts to shield me from sexuality and women
No mention of a dad, and doing the math she was likely pregnant at 17... It's not him she's trying to protect per say.
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Nov 14, 2021 22:17
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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She was 20, not 17. Not to say the dad couldn't be much older or any other myriad of awful things.
assuming he's 1 day from 17, and she's 1 day into 36 and a 9 month pregnancy she could have been as young as 17 years 3 months.
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Nov 14, 2021 22:50
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I mean like. If there was CSA happening, it could have been ongoing, before the age of seventeen. Or this is sex oriented religious abuse. It's hard to tell feom a single post. Does the OP say anything else?
Yep, I mean regardless they both need therapy
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Nov 14, 2021 23:05
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for embarrassing my ex-husband in front of his employees?
quote:We divorced because my ex didn’t believe our son was his. I didn’t get anything in the divorce because he was being nasty and I was just distraught and wanted it all to be over. His sister stayed in contact with me because unlike everyone else, she believed our son was his. Earlier this year, she told me my ex was going to contact me for a paternity test because she had shown him a picture of our son and now he was starting to doubt himself. I will be 100% honest and say I didn’t want to agree to the test but I know how my ex is and I knew it was better for me to agree than to try to fight him on it.
We did the test and surprise surprise, he is the father. Now he gets visitations but excluding the first few meetings, I’m intentionally never there when he’s spending time with our son.
For the past month he has been texting me and telling me I can’t keep avoiding him forever and we needed to talk about finances and our son’s future. I ignored him for a long time but his messages made it clear he wasn’t going to keep waiting for me to agree and I didn’t want him to blindside me. So, I agreed to meet him at his office because I refused to go to his house or have him come to mine.
Anyway, he brought up the divorce and was claiming he wanted to make things right for what happened in the past. I got really annoyed because he was making it seem like something that just happened to both of us and not something he did. He was also making it seem like I should just rug sweep everything and we should go back to how things were before. I was furious and I yelled at him. He told me to keep my voice down so I got louder and louder. I aired out a lot of our dirty laundry which I knew would piss him off. I only stopped when his assistant came to tell us his next appointment was on the line but she could tell him he had to cancel.
After I left, he sent me a text telling me the conversation wasn’t over and told me off for embarrassing him in front of his employees and he claimed the “entire office” heard which is definitely BS.
Sure I accused you of cheating, divorced you, and left you as a single parent without any child support, but have you considered  ?
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Nov 15, 2021 03:26
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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The only thing I don't get is I would 100% want a paternity test in that case as the mom because I'm getting a divorce and I'm getting child support, gently caress you from the top rope.
The thing I get from Reddit posts is that a lot of single moms don't go after child support. I can't comprehend that personally, but I see it time and time again.
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Nov 15, 2021 06:45
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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My husband [M31] wants to see prostitutes because I [F27] won't perform a certain sex act he likes.
quote:TL;DR - My husband loves a certain sex act, I stopped doing it a year ago, he came into a windfall of money last week and wants to use a portion of this money to see prostitutes.
I [F27] will try not to make this post too graphic, but be warned, it involves sex.
My husband [M31] is really into anal sex. If he could, he’d do it every time we were intimate. I never particularly liked it, but I would do it to make him happy 2-3 times a month.
After a particularly painful incident last year, I swore off anal sex for good. He’s been good about respecting my boundaries and he’s never pushed for it again, however the frequency in which we have sex has dropped off dramatically.
Last week, my husband somehow made $30,000 in the stock market. This is a huge sum of money for us, we’ve never experienced a windfall like this ever. Yesterday I asked to have a discussion about how we should allocate this money - house repair, car repair, retirement fund, etc.
This is where things get messed up. He tells me matter-of-factly that he’s setting aside $2,000 to have anal sex with prostitutes. I said are you loving kidding me? He says he’s been sexually unfulfilled for almost a year and if I want to see a dime of this money, I must approve of him doing this.
We ended up getting in a huge fight where accused me of doing a “bait and switch” because I stopped wanting anal sex shortly after getting married. He said if he’d have known I would do this, he never would have married me. This was such a hurtful thing to hear, I hope to God he didn’t actually mean it. I basically cried myself to sleep after this while he slept in the basement.
I haven’t spoken to him since our fight. I don’t even know what to do or say. This is totally out-of-character for him. He is a monogamous man who has never acted this callously. I shared this with one friend whom I trust, she thinks he’s just venting pent-up frustration and doesn’t actually want to see prostitutes. I don’t know what to think.
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Nov 15, 2021 18:12
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for telling my son that I was embarrassed to call him my son, and I hoped his wife left him?
quote:I love my son a lot, but honestly, Hailey Would be better off without him. I know how that sounds, but she would be. He is the definition of deadweight, in part because she enables him. At times I am legitimately ashamed to call him my son.
He has no job, and refuses to look for 1 outside of his niche field (petroleum engineer). He’s dependent upon his wife and provides nothing to her financially, emotionally, or domestically.
Today his daughter had to come home from school, and Hailey called me asking if I could. I asked why he couldn’t, and she said…..”he stayed up late last night, and needs his sleep”……I mean, seriously? I swear I just feel embarrassed to call him my son sometimes.
I picked her up and brought her home, went in the house to wake up my son, and we argued a bit, before I told him he needed to, “man up, and start bringing something to the table”. He lectured me for saying man up instead of grow up. And I told him That when he acted like this I was embarrassed to call him my son. He apparently told his wife about it (figures), and she says I was to harsh and he’s, “trying his best”. I told my son I hope his wife gets out of the relationship, and he told me to F off. So respectful. My husband also agreed with my daughter-in-law.
To the ones saying that they can afford to have him lay around. My husband and I have had to pay their rent for them in the past. Which my husband doesn’t mind.
Mom knows what's up with the man-child she raised.
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Nov 16, 2021 01:07
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for unknowingly setting my friend out with an autistic girl
quote:So about a week ago I had the idea to set out my two friends with each other because they both thought each other were cute. They start talking for about a week and then out of the blue i get a text saying that i am an rear end in a top hat and a sick gently caress for doing that even though i had no clue she was autistic but he keeps saying i should have been able to see it and that i am in the wrong for not noticing that she has aspergers, it has never been told to me and never even brought up in conversation AITA.
Top comment, deleted by moderators:
YTA and need to apologize to your friend for setting her up with an ableist.
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Nov 16, 2021 20:36
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Meh, OP took it too far:
quote:
There were a few, like most likely to be expelled or most likely to drop out.
There was a most likely to unalive themselves one...I know the guy who got it and he definitely would ...
If a school event gave out an award of most likely to kill themselves, we'd heard about it on the news by now.
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Nov 17, 2021 23:19
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for not refusing to give my son the name my husband wants to give him?
quote:While this post isn't going to be as dramatic as a lot of the other ones on here the only reason I'm using a throwaway is because people I know in real life are aware of my reddit username and I'm not comfortable with our disagreement becoming public knowledge.
Anyway all you really need to know is that my husband (36) and myself (31) are expecting a son and we're having severe disagreements over what to name him. I want to name him after my dad who died in the Gulf War to honour him and his sacrifice while my husband wants to name him Lucius after Lucius Junius Brutus, an Ancient Roman politican who led the revolution that founded the Roman Republic.
Now I know it sounds ridiculous (and I agree that it is) but to my husband Lucius Junius Brutus isn't just some dead guy, my husband genuinely looks up to him and has devoted a significant portion of his career (he has a PhD in Classical History) researching him and his life (he's got a book that's going to be published sometime next year about him).
The thing is not only do I just not like the name, I also don't want to name my son after some random person who died three thousand years ago and who no one today knows ever existed other than a handful of historians. I want to name my son after my father to honour him and to keep his name alive.
My husband and I had a big argument a few days ago about this and he's very up in arms about it. He considers it his hill to die on. The main point in his argument is that as the father he should get equal right in choosing the name of my son and that if I refused to name him Lucius then he refuses to let me name him after my father. My husband has also pointed out on several occasions throughout the talks we've had about it that he compromised when we got married to drop his surname and to take on mine and says that it's my time to compromise and to let him name my son. He has generously said that I can give my son whatever middle name I like.
I won't lie, I don't really see myself as the rear end in a top hat here. While I do agree that my husband should get a say in what I name my son I don't see how that means that I can let him give my son such a stupid and outdated name.
Et Tu Brute? (Ok, it's actually his grandfather but I couldn't resist)
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Nov 17, 2021 23:47
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Or maybe she refers to the 2003-2011 occupation the gulf war? In which case add 4,431 more deaths.
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Nov 18, 2021 01:09
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Venting over my first failed poly relationship
quote:I started seeing this guy who was poly in the summer and I was always curious about polyamory since most of my friends are poly. At the time he had 3 partners and we agreed to keep things casual, more like a summer fling. Quickly, he goes against his word to me, himself, and his partners because when we're together he tells me how much he adores me, how much he's enamored by me, how I'm his favorite person to have sex with. Totally singing my praises. He calls me his partner after our second time hanging out. When I told him I had feelings for him, he said he was at capacity with his "serious" partners and didn't have time for anything outside of a casual relationship with me. He said he wanted a relationship eventually, but that he wasn't ready to do so. I put two and two together and realized he was lying to his partners about us strictly being emotionally casual, and when I called him out, he ended things because he realized he needed to repair his partner's trust.
A few months later, he reconnects with me and says again that he wants something more serious with me but that his primary (who seemed to be basically monogamous at that point from what he told me) wasn't comfortable with him actually dating me yet. He kept saying that she needed more time and that she wasnt ready to deal with NRE, which was why she was hesitant for him to start dating me. When we reconnected, I said this would just be strictly sex then, but we both have so much chemistry together that it's hard to not fall for each other. After a month of seeing each other sexually, he finally says last week that his partner is ready for him to start actually seeing me.
I shouldn't have even let things get this far, but this was my final straw. He asked to take me out on a date, our first actual real date together after I took my law school entrance exam. It was a huge day for me, the biggest day of my life this far, and I was so happy that he wanted to be there for me. I also was excited to actually have a real date with him for the first time in the two months that we had been seeing each other.
Until, he texts me the afternoon of canceling because he procrastinated on his homework and didn't get it done in time. No acknowledgment of the fact that it would have been our first date or that this day was so important to me. I ended things and deleted his number. Since we've been together for two months on and off, he's flaked on me 3 times (to hang out with his other partners), consistently shows up hours late, and doesn't keep his word on other things he promised to do.
Throughout our time together I had issues with the way his polyamory played out. I didn't like how insecure he was whenever i'd bring up my partners with penises (I was seeing a transwoman and a M/F couple) and how he'd ask about dick size or who was hotter. It felt less like polyamory and more like him wanting a harem of women who were devoted to him. Anyway . . not going to let this get me down, but felt the need to vent to other poly folx.
Update: the partners unionized, confronted him, and discovered that everything was a lie
quote:After I posted my last post here (https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/quokac/venting_over_my_first_failed_poly_relationship/ ), his ex partner who's known him for four years found my post & commented. Instantly knew it was even though we never met.
We talk the entire night and realized that EVERYTHING was a lie. He and I reconnected in October after taking a break and he said his partners knew. Welp that wasn't true. He was talking about marriage and children with his partners all the while cheating with them the entire time.
We message his primary and after confronting him he confesses that he's been cheating with me and another girl. The three of us hop in a zoom call and after talking for hours we decide to show up to his house since he was ignoring all of us.
This man lied about his STI status (just with me), lied about condom usage, lied about literally every single thing. There are so many lies that it's impossible to even condense it all into one post. When we confronted him, he essentially had nothing noteworthy to say, just defaulted to "I don't know why I did this, I'm a bad person".
Everything this man said was classic love-bombing, narcissistic abuse. He abused every single one of us and was planning on phasing us out and seeing new women, which apparently he's done consistently as a pattern.
The bright side is that because of my Reddit post and because his ex found me, she got to learn the truth about why they broke up and his primary got to leave before she sacrificed her career dreams for this man. And I got to meet two amazing women and we're all supporting us through the process.
Here's the pic that we all took outside of his house right before we confronted him: https://imgur.com/a/tb7tfbo
The Ex Partner Avengers assembling to confront a fake poly abuser
Glad she got the full Polly experience the first time out!
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Nov 18, 2021 18:55
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for deleting my BF's Chess account?
quote:My (23F) boyfriend (24M) is a massive chess buff. He will spend hours rambling about chess, days arguing on forums, and spend eternity on his online Chess account. He’s spent around 10 years building up his account and loves to play. I on the other hand, can play, but am nothing compared to him.
However, he has recently been even more engrossed in his Chess addiction. I’m talking all nighters spent on that goddamn site following dumb tournament streams and replaying other matches (why would you replay someone else’s match btw?) Even more suspicious is the fact he is now using his phone for chess, something he previously swore to not do since according to him, ‘the phone UI sucks.’
His phone now always keeps pinging with chess notifications, and the most suspicious part is that they are messages from someone on the site. The notifications don’t tell me who they are or what they are saying, just that ‘Someone has sent you a message.’
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he told me with 2 hrs notice that he would be leaving for a Chess tournament, but he told me at 5pm. Who holds a tournament at 7 in the night and stretches it to a night over? He told me it was a University event, and showed me an unrelated message that was apparently proof. He then got pissy when I told him he wasn’t to go because I was fed up with him treating me like a side table in his house. He told me that I can’t tell him what to do and then left early.
What I did after this was I did the ‘forgot your password’ option on his account, reset the password and logged into his account and deleted it.
An hour later my phone gets blown up with texts from him, which I say I will talk to you later, enjoy your ‘tournament’ and blocked him.
AITA?
Update
So I posted this just before I went to bed. I hear sounds in the kitchen that wake me up and see my BF packing his things. We had a bit of fight but in the end, he admitted to using his Chess account to hookup with a girl from College. Even though he admitted, he is still furious about his account and how he was some really high 'FM' rank that is very hard to get. Judging by the comments, it seems like I went way to far by deleting his account, but it also seems like my suspicions were correct.
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Nov 18, 2021 20:37
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I [22F] strongly feel like my boyfriend [24M] is having an affair but no matter how or what I ask he denies
quote:We met online on Twitter at the end of 2016. And got into a relationship in March or April. Everything was going well until one day I saw another girl post his photo on Instagram with a caption that included 'counting our time forever'. And we had a very big fight on that but he ended up making me feel okay saying she's his friend and he helped her in something and that was her way of being appreciative so I let it go after a while.
Relationship got okay again and I was happy, it was still in my mind but not always. Then I saw her always retweeting his every single tweet, even the useless ones. I was already following her but I started to notice her tweets and realized she talks about my boyfriend like he's her boyfriend, without mentioning names. She'd tweet 'everyone here is crushing on my man' and I know her tweets are about him because the Twitter circle we're all in, alot of people there do have a crush on him, he's a very good looking guy.
One time he was near her city (they live in the same country and I live in the US with 10 hour time difference) and she tweeted that 'bae is here'. He was there with family I know because he showed me pictures and all. And she then tweeted it was the best day and she'd want to relive it. I talked about it with him and he told me he was with his grandma, which he told me even before the tweet.
We've had so many fights over her, broken up and said lovely things to each other. He doesn't let me talk to her because it would mean I don't trust him at all but that's not true, I do but I have doubts. And because of all this and his very busy schedule he deactivated his Twitter and Instagram. He now also says he doesn't have any contact with her. We talk every night on call and he tells me everything about his day and what's going on with his life. Which he doesn't usually do with anyone.
Everything again got better, it has been for a short while. Last night I saw her tweet 'when he calls me --' and that was something my boyfriend calls me. It's not an uncommon thing to call someone it's like baby but in our language. But it made me have all these doubts again and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and have been cheated on two times by different people before this I cannot handle it one more time. My life is lovely in every other way possible too. I'm completely losing myself I don't want to lose him too
I think I'm probably overthinking, I always do that so I'll be fine with any advice on this.
Tl;dr- my boyfriend of a year had/has this friend who's always tweeting about him and she makes it sound like he's her boyfriend. We've had fights/breakups over it but we worked it out. It happened again and I don't know how to bring it up I'm scared he'll leave
Tell me you're the side piece without telling me that you're the side piece.
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Nov 18, 2021 21:09
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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drat, its been removed. I don't care if it was a troll, it was funny. What's that reddit thing again that allows you to find deleted posts?
quote:I have been in a committed polyamorous dominant submissive relationship for the past three months. I’m the Dom and I have 5 subs, three men and 2 women. It’s been going great, it’s all consensual and everyone if having a good time. We do not live together, but we hang out at my apartment almost every day. It is not a purely sexual relationship either. We all share an emotional connection and it’s like any other relationship but poly and bdsm. Of course, as the dom, there are some rules. They need to call me master. No kissing anyone except for me. If i tell someone to do something, they do it (within bounds of course). The punishments depend on the person, some of my subs get whipped, some publicly humiliated. It all depends on what I agree on with each sub. We have safe words too, and we stop the roleplay whenever anyone says one. It seems weird to vanillas but this is what we enjoy and we like to be open about it. Everything has been great. At least I thought everything was going great. I woke up a couple days ago and told one of my subs to get me a cup of coffee. He didn’t do it. I told him that I was going to punish him (public humiliation which can be easily resisted) and he said that he wouldn’t do it. Now, if one of my subs acts like this I break it off with them so I threatened him that I would kick him out of the relationship. The other subs chimed in and said that if I kick him out, they all leave. That’s right; my submissives have unionized. They handed me a sheet of paper with a list of demands. The demands included (I’m not sharing all of them for their privacy), “Allow kissing between subs” and “Demands are to only be followed after 8 pm”. I tried to negotiate, but they were firm in their demands. I couldn’t punish them. My hands are tied, and I have no power anymore. I told them that I would think about it for a couple days. They haven’t left me yet, they still stay overnight, but this list of demands is lingering over our relationship and our sex life. They want to keep a dominant, and no one has stepped up to replace me. They thought about finding a new dom online but only if I don’t give into their demands. I want to negotiate because I don’t want to give up too much power. I offered “kissing subs only after 6 pm” and “follow demands after 1 pm”. I also offered following each demand separately but not both together. I really do have feelings for them, and they have feelings for me. But the power balance was shifted when they unionized and I don’t know what to do. The relationship isn’t as satisfying anymore and I don’t know if it will ever be. What should I do. Do I let them get a new dom and leave them? Or do I give into their demands and relinquish some of my power?
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Nov 18, 2021 21:34
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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I thought this was posted but didn't see it, the edits/updates are ongoing...
AITA for being a downer at my husband's grad celebration?
quote:My (30sF) husband (30sM) is graduating college. His class decided to go out to celebrate with drinks after their exams. He said significant others weren't invited.
I had a routine check-up with my primary just before the celebration started and she found a lump on my breast. I'm young, but have a history of breast cancer on my mom's side (my aunt died before the age of 35 from it). She wanted me to get a biopsy that day and referred me to the correct place.
It was going to be a few hours before they could see me as they were doing her a favor and it was obviously short notice. I was a crying mess, so my husband reluctantly agreed for me to come wait with him at the bar for my appointment time.
I got to the bar, introductions were made and although I was quite scared, I felt I was nice to everyone and as talkative as I could be.
I left my husband at the bar with his classmates and went for the biopsy, followed by a mammogram. It was terrifying, but my doctor was great and a nurse held my hand through it all.
When I got home, my husband was pissed at me. Apparently I offended his classmates because I was standoffish and rude to them, and in their words "just an overall downer that brought down the mood of the celebration". He said I embarrassed him and he regretted having me join them.
I now feel terrible like I ruined his day to celebrate with his friends and maybe should have just kept the situation to myself so as not to bring him and them down.
Edit Key Points
Yes, husband knew all details of cancer scare as soon as first appt ended.
I'm the only one working while he's in school. I do NOT pay for his school. And just in case anyone other than the super kind person is wondering:
I've taken him to a nice dinner after every milestone was passed (and as a consolation if things haven't gone great).
I worked a side job while he's in class to save up secret money and bought him a private deep sea fishing charter for his graduation gift. I am not a bad wife. I do what I can within my limited means.
Edit/Update
First of all, I need to thank each and every one of you for the outpouring of love and support. I've never felt that in my life and I'm beyond thankful for it now. This subreddit and all of you not only changed my life in a 24 hour whirlwind, but you may have also saved it.
When I came on here, I really didn't realize any of the things I know now. I truly thought I was in the wrong, but had a nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. I saw this subreddit on a FB post and felt it could help me figure out if the nagging insistence had a purpose. I'm glad I did. Even with the not so nice responses, I realized I'm not only NOT TA in this particular instance, but I probably haven't been for a lot of instances.
I copied what I commented yesterday and have included it below. It was an interesting and educational night so, I'll include anything that may be important before the commented update.
While I have acquaintances here, I don't particularly have anyone I'd call a friend and I'm only just realizing through contacting people that any friendships I tried to make were thwarted by my husband.
I spent most of the night doing research about various things and I'm feeling confident that pretty much all of you are right in your suspicions about him and what my next steps should and will be.
If I'm allowed to, I'll update with my results when they come in, but unfortunately still no word yet.
Sorry for the book. 😬
Commented Update
A girl from my husband's class saw this post and recognized enough of the situation to reach out to me. She was present at the bar when I was there, I was too dazed to give her a second thought. My husband was so upset by me needing to make an appearance, because he had led everyone to believe we were in the midst of a divorce. Significant others were more than welcome, my husband told me that so I wouldn't go. He saw me calling and stepped away from the group. She said he looked like he was yelling at someone, even though his tone was calm and low to me. She also said it was the only call he received and that he did not make any calls.
Why would he say we're getting divorced if we're not? Because he is having an affair with the girl that reached out. He didn't tell anyone why I was really there at the bar. No one said I was a downer (to her knowledge). She saw my post, put two and two together and felt sick. So she reached out. He gave her a sob story that made him sound like a hero for "taking care of me through the divorce process because I'm broke and alone". She had screenshots of conversations between them and details that make me dizzy. This has been going on for almost the entire length of the program he is in.
I confronted him. I'm livid. I'm nauseated. He told me they said I was a downer so I'd be too ashamed to reach out to any of them following me meeting them so he could keep the lie going. He planned on leaving me once he graduated because he wouldn't need me anymore. Me possibly having cancer threw a wrench in the plan. He is unapologetic. She was apparently a fling because he was bored with school.
I didn't cry. I didn't yell. I am in my bathroom currently trying to figure out wth my life has become and what I need to do next.
Side note, he finally asked me how serious the biopsy went.
So... at this point, even if I was the rear end hole, I'm not sorry. Except for the fact that I can't get a refund for the stupid fishing trip.
I don't want this to be my life. I really don't.
Additional comment:
I have (had) been with my husband since I was 19, came from a crappy background with no real connections and thought everything was as normal as it gets. I saw this subreddit mentioned on a fb post and came here because I was feeling so guilty. I didn't even know it was called a subreddit.
People started mentioning abuse and my head started spinning and it all came crashing down with zero warning. I've since done research, educated myself and have found a therapist which I start seeing on Monday.
I was skeptical the girl knew me or my husband, btw. I've received some interesting messages to say the least. But there were a few details I included (some out of anger for being attacked on here) about what happened which is how she was able to put two and two together. She didn't realize it until my key details update, actually.
I honestly hate how wild this situation is. I'm completely disgusted by it. I'm a quiet person. I don't like attention. At all. I just really truly wanted to know if I was an rear end in a top hat. 
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Nov 19, 2021 07:38
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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You ever try to construct a scenario from reading the title to see how the consensus wound up someway and completely fail? This is such a case.
AITA For not letting my boyfriend use my dishes?
quote:So a little back story. My boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) usually have dinners every weeknight together. I struggle with making food for myself but when it’s with him it’s easier and slightly fun. Lately I’ve been struggling to keep up with my dishes and they would sit in the sink ranging from days to weeks on end because I just can’t get the mental energy to deal with them. I’m in college and graduating this year and my classes are beating my rear end and so is my depression, so I came up with a solution to not have as many dishes in the sink. I only kept out 2 of everything like 2 plates, forks, spoons, bowls, and then only a few kitchen utensils like a spatula and a big spoon. I even bought styrofoam plates and plastic forks so if I’m not feeling like doing the dishes, I can use those.
So far it’s been working pretty well but since I cook with my boyfriend a lot I always have all of those dishes in the sink. He seemed to think that my strategy was pointless bc I’d just “end up letting it get disgusting again” because “that’s just how I am”. Anyways, one night he comes over for dinner but my two plates were already in the sink because I used them earlier. We make dinner with no problems and I pay the dishes no mind but when I asked him to serve the food on the styrofoam plates I bought he got really upset. He didn’t say a word after I asked him and went reaching for where I stored the other dishes that I wasn’t using, I asked him what he was doing and he said that he was getting us real plates for dinner.
I didn’t get why he was going for the ones I specifically put away and I said if you want real plate I can just wash one from the sink really quick. He denied letting me do that and insisted we use the plates from the ones I put away because in order for me to “get better” I had to use all of my dishes and then wash them. I told him no, That I had perfectly good plates we could use already out or we could use the styrofoam ones and that it wasn’t a huge deal. He told me I was being ridiculous and then started grabbing the other plates out of the cabinet. I tried to grab the stack of plates with bowls on top trying to get them back and he ended up letting go of the bottom and letting them drop to the ground. They shattered all around my feet and he just said “if you won’t use them then you don’t need them anyways” and he let himself out of my apartment. Luckily I was wearing shoes but my leg got a few cuts.
He proceeded to not talk to me for a few days and when he did he asked me if I was done being dramatic and blowing the situation out of proportion. I had texted him explaining I was super upset that he did that and that it was borderline crazy that he dropped them because he didn’t get the outcome he wanted. He told me I was the crazy one and that the plates just slipped and he didn’t even mean for them to cut me or fall, he was just trying to help me combat my depression and come out of it stronger.
UPDATE: I went and talked with him tonight at a restaurant to figure out if this was a one time thing or an indication to worse behavior in the future. I’ve decided that even if it was a one time thing I don’t really feel safe/I can trust him anymore. So at dinner I told him I’m gonna think about it but honestly I’m just going to text him and break up so I don’t have to deal with it In person. I still feel kind of bad breaking up a with him over dishes, but as many of you pointed out it’s much more serious than that.
Thank you to those who are PMing me, there’s quite a few but don’t worry I do plan on breaking things off with him. Any suggestions on how to do that safely?
UPDATE 2: I’ve decided to break up with him at some coffee shop tomorrow and I’m having my sister come and sit outside in case anything goes wrong.
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Nov 19, 2021 19:15
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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AITA for ruining someone's morning coffee?
quote:Ok a little back story, I get Starbucks every day for breakfast. I drive a older Audi S4, its my dream car and I take very good care of it. I never set any cups or food on the car. Now on to rear end in a top hat possible moment.
So I get my usual breakfast (coffee and sandwich) and I walk outside. The Guy that was in front of me in Starbucks is parked next to my car and his door is open and he's changing his shirt/sweatshirt between our cars, I wasn't really paying attention to that what caught my eye was his 9 dollar cold brew coffee sitting on the roof of my car. I politely asked him to remove so I could leave and go to work. His response was " he didn't want a coffee ring on his car, he'll get to it when he's done" with a lovely attitude, mind you he is driving a mid size Nissan SUV that has at least 4 cup holders. So reacting to his attitude and being lovely placing things on my car I jumped in started my car and pulled out quickly (area was safe parking lot was nearly empty and no incoming cars) that his coffee flew off my car landed on the ground hitting him (remember its cold coffee) and his car. and I head to work. Now as I drive to work I wonder was I the rear end in a top hat or was i just reacting to one?????
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Nov 20, 2021 01:06
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 28, 2024 03:48
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Oct 23, 2021 06:38
to wake up to?