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Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


i am now the supreme commander of the military forces of Ukraine. when my an 72 coalor transport touches down in Kiev i will be given my diadem and scepter. my plans to destroy the russians will be as follows

Plan Bongo: gently caress lots of prostitutes and do blow while waiting to see what Putin does

Plan Pinebox: all operational commands North, South, and West, will be traversed to the east and consolidated around the Dnieper river and wait for those bitches to attack after destroying all bridges

Plan Amazon: as soon as the russians invade, use the whole goddam airforce to do low level attacks on their forward air bases and supply lines while ground forces just sit and wait

Plan Z, aka Operation Whackadoo, do a preemptive strike with the airforce to gut punch the enemy, then use half the army to advance from Kiev toward Kursk, and another third of the army from Luhansk to Voronezh, thus encircling the greater part of the russian force. the remainder will be kept behind to practice strongly in the south so that Bugs Bunny can command the finnish forces to attack from the north against St. Petersburg, and Scrooge McDuck and guide in his MegaZeppelins to bomb enemy supply lines. Then Iran can attack from the south through Azerbaijan.



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Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



can i have a measly parcel of land commandant

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


move like water. attack where the enemy isnt

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Was Zelensky the old commander?

Akratic Method
Mar 9, 2013

It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.



Zippy the Bummer posted:

move like water. attack where the enemy isnt

If the enemy isnít there, then who are you attacking? Huh? :crossarms:

Weka
May 5, 2019


Can I suggest building more Tesla tanks?

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


Sid Vicious posted:

can i have a measly parcel of land commandant

we'll have to see if i win or not


Funky See Funky Do posted:

Was Zelensky the old commander?

he is now


Akratic Method posted:

If the enemy isnít there, then who are you attacking? Huh? :crossarms:

you make them so afraid by being where they did not expect you to be that they just piss their pants and give up


Weka posted:

Can I suggest building more Tesla tanks?

i'll take a case of natty and a good ol' T80 thank you very much



Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation. I actually named my daughter after the Pink ranger and will provide proof if challenged.


this... changes everything

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.




Zippio Russianus

Kharnifex
Sep 11, 2001

The Banter is better in AusGBS

Rubber shoes in motion, charging up!

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Does this mean that I have a new job?

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


Funky See Funky Do posted:

Does this mean that I have a new job?

i don't know. what was your previous job

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

It's uh it's Chief of the something something. Sorry I never have to use my own title. Well this is embarrassing. Oh hold on! I have my work ID in my wallet. I am...Chief of the General Staff.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


Funky See Funky Do posted:

It's uh it's Chief of the something something. Sorry I never have to use my own title. Well this is embarrassing. Oh hold on! I have my work ID in my wallet. I am...Chief of the General Staff.

ok. can you do a press conference explaining how i am going to gently gently caress the russian military, and also how Ukraine is very amenable to peaceable findings, but only if the Ukrainian military along with the Animaniacs and Wario triple team them along with the Finns and Iranians

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


i need to put a face on this cause that "folks" can understand



Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Here's the thing - our little exchange made me curious as to what my exact duties and responsibilities are. From my perspective I do the same thing I see everyone else do; I answer emails, I go to meetings, and if I'm honest I'm on my phone browsing the forums for most of that. Sorry I'm rambling - the point is that we sort of have the same job. Except I work for (guess who?) Russia! Small world right? Anyways I asked my boss and no-can-do on the press conference. I can accept your unconditional surrender but that's really all I'm authorized to do. So, sorry. :(

Good luck with the new job. Feel free to drop me an email if you run into any problems but honestly I doubt you will, this job is super chill.

Weka
May 5, 2019


Post your scepter. Iykwim.

Leroy Dennui
Aug 9, 2014

Fuck this gay MOTHER Earth.

This is the Pres of the US, did you get my final word?

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


Weka posted:

Post your scepter. Iykwim.

its just a rod of gold about one foot long

Funky See Funky Do posted:


Good luck with the new job. Feel free to drop me an email if you run into any problems but honestly I doubt you will, this job is super chill.

have you considered a dacha in Belarus, attended by extremely hot people and lots of cocaine?

Weka
May 5, 2019


You don't want to gently caress with belarus. Look at their mighty army hat technology.

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004
remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr remove tfr


Wow I'm the ground commander for the eastern region of the Russian federation's division and you just gave away all your plans sucker :hehe: Kyiv is ours!!

Xaintrailles
Aug 14, 2015

:hellyeah::histdowns:

You should hire some mercenaries with all that military aid money. I hear Russia has some good mercenaries and as luck would have it they're in the area already.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.







Iím here for the prostitutes? I heard there were prostitutes? Can someone please direct me toward the prostitutes?

Weka
May 5, 2019


Nonsense. Declare Ukraine a caliphate and the Turks will send you a bunch of mercenaries.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


Weka posted:

Nonsense. Declare Ukraine a caliphate and the Turks will send you a bunch of mercenaries.

good idea they can come over the black sea and flank from the south

Bags Fly at Noon posted:

Iím here for the prostitutes? I heard there were prostitutes? Can someone please direct me toward the prostitutes?

http://www.timsys.com/kiev-intercourse-red-light-sex-districts-that-are/

Xaintrailles posted:

You should hire some mercenaries with all that military aid money. I hear Russia has some good mercenaries and as luck would have it they're in the area already.

i can buy them off with my gold that i got from goldline or some other company i dont remember, then they will fight for me. if they betray me i will have them strapped down and left in the woods to die

Seth Pecksniff posted:

Wow I'm the ground commander for the eastern region of the Russian federation's division and you just gave away all your plans sucker :hehe: Kyiv is ours!!

prepare to be enveloped. when i blow this blood clot out of my nose due to dry hot air i will become more powerful than anyone. also goku will be my sec def



BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)



Bags Fly at Noon posted:

I’m here for the prostitutes? I heard there were prostitutes? Can someone please direct me toward the prostitutes?

Go home and gently caress your mother.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

The right wing has been freaking out about Trudeau ever since he ran in 2015. First they freaked out about his hair and now they want to fuck him.



Zippy the Bummer posted:

Plan Bongo: gently caress lots of prostitutes and do blow while waiting to see what Putin does

do you do birthday parties

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


May I be admiral of the Naval Forces?

We will be blockading the Dardenelles to deny the enemy's resupply through the Black Sea.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


cult_hero posted:

May I be admiral of the Naval Forces?

We will be blockading the Dardenelles to deny the enemy's resupply through the Black Sea.

sure



Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

I suggest taking hints from the most underrated military commander of the 20th century, Luigi Cadorna

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


Uncle Enzo posted:

I suggest taking hints from the most underrated military commander of the 20th century, Luigi Cadorna

on the one hand, but on the other

Weka
May 5, 2019


It's a genius plan. Simply retreat to the small mountainous region in the south west...

Lucky Guy
Jan 24, 2013

TY for no bm



how are your supplies of vespene gas looking?

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES


i dont know im not in charge of that. i'll get zel-man on the horn

Weka
May 5, 2019


Perhaps a ruse is in order. Have you considered changing all the signs for Kyiv to signs for Moscow?

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

That won't help no Russian soldier is sober enough to make out a street sign.

Weka
May 5, 2019


Ok ok, let's start a highway building project where the highway is just a big loop leading back to Russia.

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


As commander of Naval forces, all beaches are now off limits. If you are there, you are assumed to be planting mines.

Which you should keep doing. We didn't receive a budget to prevent a shore invasion.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Weka posted:

Ok ok, let's start a highway building project where the highway is just a big loop leading back to Russia.

Well let's see that could work if.. no. No that won't work either. No Russian soldier is sober enough to stay on the road.

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cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001


Funky See Funky Do posted:

Well let's see that could work if.. no. No that won't work either. No Russian soldier is sober enough to stay on the road.

You see, that's why it curves always to the right.

left hand drivers are too western. All roads lead to the motherland, even if asleep.

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