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i am now the supreme commander of the military forces of Ukraine. when my an 72 coalor transport touches down in Kiev i will be given my diadem and scepter. my plans to destroy the russians will be as follows Plan Bongo: gently caress lots of prostitutes and do blow while waiting to see what Putin does Plan Pinebox: all operational commands North, South, and West, will be traversed to the east and consolidated around the Dnieper river and wait for those bitches to attack after destroying all bridges Plan Amazon: as soon as the russians invade, use the whole goddam airforce to do low level attacks on their forward air bases and supply lines while ground forces just sit and wait Plan Z, aka Operation Whackadoo, do a preemptive strike with the airforce to gut punch the enemy, then use half the army to advance from Kiev toward Kursk, and another third of the army from Luhansk to Voronezh, thus encircling the greater part of the russian force. the remainder will be kept behind to practice strongly in the south so that Bugs Bunny can command the finnish forces to attack from the north against St. Petersburg, and Scrooge McDuck and guide in his MegaZeppelins to bomb enemy supply lines. Then Iran can attack from the south through Azerbaijan.
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Jan 25, 2022 05:40
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can i have a measly parcel of land commandant
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Jan 25, 2022 05:41
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move like water. attack where the enemy isnt
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Jan 25, 2022 05:49
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Was Zelensky the old commander?
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Jan 25, 2022 05:52
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Zippy the Bummer posted:move like water. attack where the enemy isnt If the enemy isn’t there, then who are you attacking? Huh? 
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Jan 25, 2022 06:04
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Can I suggest building more Tesla tanks?
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Jan 25, 2022 06:07
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Sid Vicious posted:can i have a measly parcel of land commandant we'll have to see if i win or not Funky See Funky Do posted:Was Zelensky the old commander? he is now Akratic Method posted:If the enemy isn’t there, then who are you attacking? Huh? you make them so afraid by being where they did not expect you to be that they just piss their pants and give up Weka posted:Can I suggest building more Tesla tanks? i'll take a case of natty and a good ol' T80 thank you very much
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Jan 25, 2022 06:20
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this... changes everything
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Jan 25, 2022 06:20
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Zippio Russianus
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Jan 25, 2022 06:34
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Rubber shoes in motion, charging up!
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Jan 25, 2022 06:39
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Does this mean that I have a new job?
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Jan 25, 2022 06:43
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Does this mean that I have a new job? i don't know. what was your previous job
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Jan 25, 2022 07:33
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It's uh it's Chief of the something something. Sorry I never have to use my own title. Well this is embarrassing. Oh hold on! I have my work ID in my wallet. I am...Chief of the General Staff.
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Jan 25, 2022 07:52
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Funky See Funky Do posted:It's uh it's Chief of the something something. Sorry I never have to use my own title. Well this is embarrassing. Oh hold on! I have my work ID in my wallet. I am...Chief of the General Staff. ok. can you do a press conference explaining how i am going to gently gently caress the russian military, and also how Ukraine is very amenable to peaceable findings, but only if the Ukrainian military along with the Animaniacs and Wario triple team them along with the Finns and Iranians
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Jan 25, 2022 10:29
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i need to put a face on this cause that "folks" can understand
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Jan 25, 2022 10:33
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Here's the thing - our little exchange made me curious as to what my exact duties and responsibilities are. From my perspective I do the same thing I see everyone else do; I answer emails, I go to meetings, and if I'm honest I'm on my phone browsing the forums for most of that. Sorry I'm rambling - the point is that we sort of have the same job. Except I work for (guess who?) Russia! Small world right? Anyways I asked my boss and no-can-do on the press conference. I can accept your unconditional surrender but that's really all I'm authorized to do. So, sorry.  Good luck with the new job. Feel free to drop me an email if you run into any problems but honestly I doubt you will, this job is super chill.
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Jan 25, 2022 10:57
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Post your scepter. Iykwim.
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Jan 25, 2022 11:50
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This is the Pres of the US, did you get my final word?
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Jan 25, 2022 12:23
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Weka posted:Post your scepter. Iykwim. its just a rod of gold about one foot long Funky See Funky Do posted:
have you considered a dacha in Belarus, attended by extremely hot people and lots of cocaine?
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Jan 25, 2022 12:25
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You don't want to gently caress with belarus. Look at their mighty army hat technology. 
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Jan 25, 2022 13:45
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Wow I'm the ground commander for the eastern region of the Russian federation's division and you just gave away all your plans sucker  Kyiv is ours!!
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Jan 25, 2022 13:52
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You should hire some mercenaries with all that military aid money. I hear Russia has some good mercenaries and as luck would have it they're in the area already.
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Jan 25, 2022 13:53
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I’m here for the prostitutes? I heard there were prostitutes? Can someone please direct me toward the prostitutes?
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Jan 25, 2022 13:56
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Nonsense. Declare Ukraine a caliphate and the Turks will send you a bunch of mercenaries.
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Jan 25, 2022 13:58
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Weka posted:Nonsense. Declare Ukraine a caliphate and the Turks will send you a bunch of mercenaries. good idea they can come over the black sea and flank from the south Bags Fly at Noon posted:I’m here for the prostitutes? I heard there were prostitutes? Can someone please direct me toward the prostitutes? http://www.timsys.com/kiev-intercourse-red-light-sex-districts-that-are/ Xaintrailles posted:You should hire some mercenaries with all that military aid money. I hear Russia has some good mercenaries and as luck would have it they're in the area already. i can buy them off with my gold that i got from goldline or some other company i dont remember, then they will fight for me. if they betray me i will have them strapped down and left in the woods to die Seth Pecksniff posted:Wow I'm the ground commander for the eastern region of the Russian federation's division and you just gave away all your plans sucker prepare to be enveloped. when i blow this blood clot out of my nose due to dry hot air i will become more powerful than anyone. also goku will be my sec def
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Jan 25, 2022 19:21
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Bags Fly at Noon posted:I’m here for the prostitutes? I heard there were prostitutes? Can someone please direct me toward the prostitutes? Go home and gently caress your mother.
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Jan 31, 2022 13:16
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Zippy the Bummer posted:Plan Bongo: gently caress lots of prostitutes and do blow while waiting to see what Putin does do you do birthday parties
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Jan 31, 2022 16:12
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May I be admiral of the Naval Forces? We will be blockading the Dardenelles to deny the enemy's resupply through the Black Sea.
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Jan 31, 2022 16:24
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cult_hero posted:May I be admiral of the Naval Forces? sure
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Jan 31, 2022 18:49
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I suggest taking hints from the most underrated military commander of the 20th century, Luigi Cadorna
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Jan 31, 2022 18:56
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Uncle Enzo posted:I suggest taking hints from the most underrated military commander of the 20th century, Luigi Cadorna on the one hand, but on the other
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Jan 31, 2022 19:07
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It's a genius plan. Simply retreat to the small mountainous region in the south west...
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Feb 1, 2022 23:32
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how are your supplies of vespene gas looking?
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Feb 2, 2022 01:55
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i dont know im not in charge of that. i'll get zel-man on the horn
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Feb 2, 2022 01:59
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Perhaps a ruse is in order. Have you considered changing all the signs for Kyiv to signs for Moscow?
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Feb 2, 2022 02:43
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That won't help no Russian soldier is sober enough to make out a street sign.
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Feb 2, 2022 02:47
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Ok ok, let's start a highway building project where the highway is just a big loop leading back to Russia.
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Feb 3, 2022 06:01
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As commander of Naval forces, all beaches are now off limits. If you are there, you are assumed to be planting mines. Which you should keep doing. We didn't receive a budget to prevent a shore invasion.
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Feb 3, 2022 06:06
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Weka posted:Ok ok, let's start a highway building project where the highway is just a big loop leading back to Russia. Well let's see that could work if.. no. No that won't work either. No Russian soldier is sober enough to stay on the road.
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Feb 3, 2022 06:09
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Well let's see that could work if.. no. No that won't work either. No Russian soldier is sober enough to stay on the road. You see, that's why it curves always to the right. left hand drivers are too western. All roads lead to the motherland, even if asleep.
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Feb 3, 2022 06:15
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