Applewhite posted:

If Pixar set out to make a movie more pointless than Planes, it succeeded.

I thought it was impossible for a movie to matter less than the Warcraft movie but here we are. Lightyear may be the single least important cultural event of the 21st century.

The movie is so mediocre it's infuriating.

The movie starts off by framing itself as the movie the Buzz Lightyear toy from Toy Story was based on, including explicitly stating that the movie came out in 1995. The movie then proceeds to be nothing like anything that was or could have been released in 1995.

You want to know what would have been a good movie to make? A Pixar movie that tried to replicate with CGI what a sci-fi movie that came out in the 90's might have looked like. That would have been an interesting, even daring film concept. That would have been an artistic undertaking worthy of Pixar.

This movie doesn't even attempt to place itself in the future of the 90s.

Okay, whatever, at least it's a good movie, right? No. It's boring, safe, textureless schlock. Even the much-touted "controversial" same sex kiss was just a tepid, barely-there lesbian relationship that the movie swept past before it could even register.

You want to know what would have been a controversial same sex kiss? Fuckin' make Buzz gay. Have Buzz kiss a man on the lips and call him "sweetie" before going off on his mission. That would have been controversial.

Maybe I'm too hung up on what might have been, but this movie couldn't even hold my kids' attention and they'll watch anything with spaceships in it.

The movie wasn't even a passable pastiche of science fiction tropes. There were some Star Wars sound effects and the opening riffs on Alien for about 5 seconds but not enough of anything anywhere to even get a good nostalgia going.

I'd get into nitpicking the nonsensical plot (where was the rest of the human race during this 100 year interval? If the team goes to the Gamma quadrant won't they run into exactly the same time dilation problem that's been the sticking point the whole movie?) but frankly it doesn't even really matter.

I have no idea who this movie is even for. It's too bland even for children, and not nostalgic enough for the adults that would have been children when the original Toy Story came out.

0/10 stars. Go rewatch Turning Red instead. poo poo, go watch Planes for the first time instead.