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In an airplane flying over the Atlantic wearing grey sweatpants (either Reykjavík to NYC or vice versa), I went to the bathroom to take a piss & immediately started my normally on-the-dot-regular (pun mildly intended) period a day early. edit: what a snipe 
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Oct 31, 2023 16:52
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Hotel Kpro posted:I read a story from my grandpa when he was a geologist in Ontario in the winter. He described a scene in the outhouse where the pile of poop would start getting above the seat, but was completely frozen. It was the cook’s job to break it down back to a manageable level with a shovel Why on earth would they make that the cook's job? That's just asking for trouble.
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Oct 31, 2023 17:50
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poo poo on a shingle was named so because every morning the cook would chip the frozen beef out of the outhouse
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Oct 31, 2023 18:04
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ManBoyChef posted:We walk into your house and all your furniture is second hand toilets and all of them have legit plumbing hooked up to them. Your bed is actually just six toilets facing eachother in two rows with an air mattress on it. All the chairs around your dining room table are toilets. Your sink is actually a toilet with a bidet....god i dunno where I'm going with this. This sounds like a good description for AI to generate some images of. Edit: Well Dall-E 3 fails at this. 
Bored fucked around with this message at 21:49 on Nov 2, 2023 |
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Nov 2, 2023 21:11
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Was on a eurotours bus from Amsterdam to Berlin and having to use the bathroom was like heading straight first into a gas chamber of smelling salts, the stench of ammonia was unreal. When I eventually had to go myself there was a huuuge mound of poo poo that the pathetic little bus trickle of flushing liquid barely nudged. I had to stand there holding my breath and push the flush button for a solid minute before the pile of poo poo finally gave and slurped down the narrow hole - it was so disgusting sounding I couldn't help but to laugh out loud. Yeah gently caress traveling by bus.
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Nov 2, 2023 21:56
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thathonkey posted:yeah for me it was probably having to take a poo poo in a portapotty at bonnaroo, during the day when it was insanely hot. also i was on acid. When I went in 2012 I couldn't find one that didn't have poop ON THE SEAT so I just held it
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Nov 5, 2023 22:18
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 bad poop. drafty.
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Nov 5, 2023 22:36
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When I finished, they washed me out of the toilet with a hose.* *The hose was a steam hose.
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Nov 5, 2023 23:06
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i sometimes have dreams of bad bathrooms where like, i have to pee, but when i find a bathroom and go in, the stalls are either open so everyone can see, and the closed ones have poo and pee everywhere, or the toilets are squirting urine fountains, so i can't pee anywhere this happens when i have to go pee while i'm dreaming, thankfully when i wake up i haven't peed my bed (yet)
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Nov 6, 2023 17:16
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ManBoyChef posted:
This has me cry-laughing even harder than the Korea story.
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Nov 8, 2023 03:26
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I worked at a bar and we would clean up the bathrooms Saturday mornings and there was always some puke on the floor and poop on the toilet seats in the men’s room. The women’s restroom, without exception, was infinitely worse.
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Nov 8, 2023 04:16
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thathonkey posted:yeah for me it was probably having to take a poo poo in a portapotty at bonnaroo, during the day when it was insanely hot. also i was on acid. ManBoyChef posted:Okay I have had to poo poo in a portapotty at a very big festival...there was poo poo near the top, like if you were to sitdown you would have sat on it. Bonnaroo is way bigger a festival than the one I was at. I can't even imagine what the heck that was like. timefly posted:When I went in 2012 I couldn't find one that didn't have poop ON THE SEAT so I just held it kinda surprised it took this long for music festival portos to show up, I'm lucky in that my guts freeze up when I go camping (and apparently this behavior extends to music festivals) so I lose all my appetite and I don't need to poo poo for days on end but after day one at every single music festival i've ever been to every single porto is so piled high with runny beer shits I can only assume people are working in teams to hover 3-6 inches over the mess so they can turn it into the dinosaur shitpile from jurassic park
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Nov 8, 2023 06:10
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oldpainless posted:I worked at a bar and we would clean up the bathrooms Saturday mornings and there was always some puke on the floor and poop on the toilet seats in the men’s room. I was the head cook at the worst restaurant in town to work at. For all the place's problems, the shitters were usually pretty clean. Once a day cleaning, and I mopped the floors four times a week. That is, until the hostess came to me and wanted to show me what a customer found in the bathroom. After finding the same mess a few days in a row, this lead to having a little meeting with our entire wait staff (couldn't single anyone out, mind) that went, roughly, "Who ever is doing drugs in the men's bathroom, please stop. Don't use our spoons to cook up, don't stuff the burnt spoons up into the toilet paper dispenser, and especially don't use the toilet paper roll to clean off your needles!" madeintaipei fucked around with this message at 06:26 on Nov 8, 2023 |
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Nov 8, 2023 06:16
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Mine isn't a bathroom story. I live in Korea and have a half-Korean son. We took him to a Jimjilbang, a public bathhouse, one freezing winter day. He was about 3. We showered up and he bolted into the hot tub room where he immediately got in the water. I laughed and thought it was cute because he liked relaxing in the hot water. A few moments later, everyone else in the pool/tub sudden starts scrambling to get out. Sensing trouble, I rush to him and discover he had just taken a giant, and I mean like an adult would make, poo poo. It was just floating there. They had to close the men's side to disinfect. He spent the rest of the day telling every stranger on the subway and waitress that would listen that he poo poo in the Jimjilbang.
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Nov 9, 2023 01:29
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one time I went to the bathroom at a grocery store after pencilhands was in there, it was terrible
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Nov 9, 2023 01:30
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Own the room 
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Nov 9, 2023 01:31
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The Bible posted:Mine isn't a bathroom story. King poo poo
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Nov 9, 2023 01:38
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I was at Target or someplace like that and realized I really needed to poo poo and didn't feel like trying to race home, so I just headed into the bathroom there and grabbed a stall. I had the bathroom to myself at first, but it was uhhhhhh pretty slow going and after a minute a guy comes in with a preschooler and takes the other stall. Guy gets preschooler set up and is encouraging him to go. Preschooler tries for a bit, they're talking about whatever bullshit, kid announces he doesn't need to go. Guy tells him no, you were being antsy in the store, you need to go. Kid tries some more, asks if he can go at home. Guy tells him they're not leaving until he goes. This goes back and forth a couple times. Kid is starting to get a little desperate, but the guy keeps his cool. He's very calm and patient with the kid, speaks kindly and takes his time explaining why it's important for the kid to go in terms he can understand. Despite this the kid just keeps getting more and more frantic. I'm desperately trying to squeeze out the last of my poo poo while a blubbering kid pleads with his dad to let him go home while the dad explains in a calm friendly voice why they're going to wait until he goes potty. I'm wondering WTF is going listening to this kid bawl over some of the kindest, most patient parenting I've ever witnessed in public. ...and then I hear his dad ask "Do you want a spanking when we get home?" and everything clicked  Shortly after that I finally managed to get close enough to done that my butt would be OK getting up to leave and got the gently caress out of there.
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Nov 9, 2023 01:54
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Currently waiting in line for a public bathroom will update this post with trip report later
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Nov 9, 2023 02:09
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why does obvious poo poo take time?
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Nov 9, 2023 02:14
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someone sent me the HD version the other day: (NSFW) 
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Nov 9, 2023 02:30
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SPIRIT HALLOWEEN SALE posted:someone sent me the HD version the other day: this is absolutely 100000% true
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Nov 9, 2023 02:31
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Went to what is essentially my city's version of the county fair while I was in middle school, so probably 1999 or 2000. Went on a slow day with a friend. Got in line for what I think was probably The Orbiter or something a lot like it, maybe even the Super Star ride. It had like six arms and each arm had three or four seats for two people each, and it not only spun your seat around but you were also spinning around the main central ride axis while getting flipped upside down constantly at the same time. It was nuts. My friend and I were the only two people to get on, so the carnie starts it up and lets it go for five minutes or so. I've had enough. I want off. The ride comes to an end, nobody else had hopped in line, so the carnie announces over the blaring loudspeaker for the ride that he's not letting us off and we're going to go again, but this time we're going backwards. For five or ten minutes, I don't know how long. Anyway by the time I get off the ride I can't feel my fingers, teeth, and most of my face. My nerves are completely shot. I look around for a bathroom. Can't find one. There's no bathroom or a port-a-potty or anything nearby, and as time ticks by I notice I'm hyperventilating as my face and arms go pins-and-needles and I start panicking knowing that I'm minutes away from puking. In lieu of a bathroom I start looking for a garbage can to barf in, but all of the garbage cans have these fiberglass resin moulded clown heads padlocked to the top of the bins, with two gigantic mouths on each side for you to throw your trash in like a gaudy neon version of Janus, the Roman god of trash-eating. I try lifting it off to get clear access to the central garbage hole but it won't budge, and in the confusion of trying to determine the logistics of having to puke fully sideways into a neon clown's mouth I'm basically sent into a full-on mental tailspin. I sat down at the nearest bench beside a middle aged woman enjoying a peaceful day by herself and just started barfing my guts out onto the ground directly in front of me while my friend watched in horror, full-force projectile vomiting everything I had eaten that day onto the hot, black, late August pavement. Elephant ears, corndogs, probably a milkshake, you name it. I still remember this woman's outburst of shocked disgust as if it were pressed on vinyl at Jack White's county fair recording booth and sent home with me for eternity, followed by her immediate vacancy of the seat to my left and permanent disappearance from my life. I wonder if she thinks about it sometimes, wherever she is. So basically my worst bathroom experience wasn't necessarily a bathroom experience per-se, but rather the inconvenient lack of access to one that precipitated my immediate downfall.
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Nov 9, 2023 02:40
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Not necessarily a bad experience, but some years ago went I went to a parent-teacher conference at my son’s school, I had to use the bathroom, so I went in and it smelled EXACTLY like the bathrooms in my elementary school forty years prior. Not bad, not great, just that smell. Even had one of those green communal wash basins where you step on the bar to make water run. Boy did that bring back memories.
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Nov 19, 2023 19:19
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i saw a guy bring a quesadilla into the bathroom, set it under the urinal, piss over it, then walk out eating it without washing hands at a mtg tournament
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Nov 19, 2023 20:36
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mailorder bees posted:i saw a guy bring a quesadilla into the bathroom, set it under the urinal, piss over it, then walk out eating it without washing hands at a mtg tournament haha hell yeah i was at a magic tournament that was held at a retail space that used to be a blockbuster video and for whatever reason the light in the bathroom didn't work. this was before cell phones had flashlights on them so i would go next door to the small games store because I can only imagine what excretions were just all over that toilet (and could only imagine, because it was pitch black in there)
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Nov 20, 2023 03:59
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Spent the day in downtown Cancun. You can't flush toilet paper but the tourists try anyway and it's really bad.
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Nov 20, 2023 14:35
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XYZAB posted:Went to what is essentially my city's version of the county fair while I was in middle school, so probably 1999 or 2000. Went on a slow day with a friend. Got in line for what I think was probably The Orbiter or something a lot like it, maybe even the Super Star ride. It had like six arms and each arm had three or four seats for two people each, and it not only spun your seat around but you were also spinning around the main central ride axis while getting flipped upside down constantly at the same time. It was nuts. My friend and I were the only two people to get on, so the carnie starts it up and lets it go for five minutes or so. I've had enough. I want off. The ride comes to an end, nobody else had hopped in line, so the carnie announces over the blaring loudspeaker for the ride that he's not letting us off and we're going to go again, but this time we're going backwards. For five or ten minutes, I don't know how long. im sorry for your loss, what a missed opportunity
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Nov 20, 2023 20:12
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On a construction site with well over 1000 workers. Got the bright idea to go to a freshly cleaned and emptied portashitter instead of one that had been well used. Took a poo poo, and the blue chemical stuff in the bottom kept splashing on my rear end and balls every time a turd hit the liquid. Never had that happen in the well used ones. Never gonna use a freshly emptied portashitter again.....
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Nov 20, 2023 21:39
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 i could smell this bad boy all the way down the hall in my freshman dorm. upon entering the bathroom, the stench hit in an awesome wave. no toilet paper
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Nov 20, 2023 22:39
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A PICTURE OF poo poo HAS HIT THE THREAD
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Nov 20, 2023 22:42
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Oh no…
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Nov 20, 2023 22:53
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Head Bee Guy posted:
im so glad u got a pic
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Nov 20, 2023 22:58
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https://i.imgur.com/44Vb8Mc.mp4
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Nov 21, 2023 16:50
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When I was in 1st grade, I went to the stall to piss. Right as I got started, another kid walked in and started pissing in the same toilet. He casually commented that my penis is pink and his is purple. We moved away a year later, and I don't remember his name. Sometimes I wonder what happened to that kid.
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Nov 21, 2023 17:09
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when i was in kindergarten, i pulled up to the urinal to show off my newly acquired pissing-while-standing skill to the behoodied second grader who was already midstream. I dropped my pants around my ankles, which was the style at the time, and commenced some chitchat. “it smells pretty bad in here, huh?” i chortled. He said “yeah, cuz your butt is showing,” punched the flusher, and dipped, leaving me to wonder how i could have been so stupid. A few years later, having learned my lesson, I was taking a leak when a younger kid came in to wash his hands. “wow it really stinks in here,” he said. Finally, now was my chance. I hit him with “uh yeah, cuz your BUTT stinks.” He frowned and said it did not. I didn’t have any rehearsed comebacks in the chamber, so I looked down at my puny stream and questioned whether I was cut out for bullying.
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Nov 21, 2023 18:26
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At a Wendy's somewhere I enter and there's a guy doing the pee with your pants down  at the urinal. I understand doing that where you live, but at a public bathroom in a Wendy's? I just turned around and went later.At Gooncamp I used a cinderblock as a shitter. Not comfortable, but effective. CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Nov 21, 2023 |
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Nov 21, 2023 18:49
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Waiting for a mega bus I walked down to the NYC ferry terminal to take a dump, midway through some man comes and sits in the stall next to me. After a bit he starts shouting in a language I don’t understand and banging on the wall, I’m doing my best to ignore him but then he starts reaching his hand under the stall and I don’t know if he’s trying to grab my legs or what. I’m thinking If I should start stomping on this fuckers hands or just get out of there when he finally yells out “tissue”. So I had to sit around and hand this dude crumpled up toilet paper from my side of the stall until he left.
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Nov 21, 2023 19:43
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Pretty much every bathroom in Iquitos Peru has the toilet seat ripped off or stolen and no rear end wipe to speak of so pooping outside or even in your hotel was always a terrible adventure
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Nov 21, 2023 19:47
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I like how her friend touches her arm that was so deep, then touches her head/face at the end.
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Nov 21, 2023 21:28
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