Whats your most embarrassing secret?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Whats your most embarrassing secret?

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Lucky Guy: Jan 24, 2013; TY for no bm

im straight

# ? Jan 23, 2023 01:58

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 02:38

pencilhands: Aug 20, 2022

Lucky Guy posted:

im straight

holy poo poo dude, that is hosed up

I wouldn�t have admitted that�.jesus christ

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:02

credburn: Jun 22, 2016; A tangled skein of bad opinions, the hottest takes, and the the world's most misinformed nonsense. Do not engage with me, it's useless, and better yet, put me on ignore.

That orphanage burned down on its own. I was nowhere near it

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:18

Das Boo: Jun 9, 2011; There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

A CRAB IRL posted:

Mine is more powerful

Braggart.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:23

Slugworth: Feb 18, 2001; If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!

pencilhands posted:

I’m an opiate addict and also very fat, so I tend to take massive, rock hard shits. After clogging my own toilet one too many times I started exclusively making GBS threads in public toilets, usually clogging them as well. Some of my usual haunts have put out signs asking for the serial jumbo shitter to please stop using their toilets as it costs them lots of money to have to keep calling plumbers to fix them. I feel so guilty.

My buddy used to be addicted to heroin (I mean, he might still be, I haven't seen him in years), but what he did was, he always had latex gloves with him so that when he took his weekly rock hard massive poo poo, he could break it into pieces and flush it safely.

So, you can do that, or you can stop being addicted to opiates. Both options have their pros and cons.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:44

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

I sometimes get Slugworth and Smugworth confused

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:49

Trixie Hardcore: Jul 1, 2006; Placeholder.

Death By Yogurt posted:

I poop on the floors of Walmarts just for fun

It�s my job to poop on the floors of Walmarts and hobby shitters like you are putting me out of business.

My most embarrassing secret is obviously posting on something awful dot com

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:53

Trixie Hardcore: Jul 1, 2006; Placeholder.

Toxic Mental posted:

I'm Lowtax, I'm not really dead bitches!!!

Could somebody do something about this???

# ? Jan 23, 2023 02:55

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

I'm a mid 30's adult male in the US who structures most of my life around not driving places, because i hate it

# ? Jan 23, 2023 03:20

Hyrax Attack!: Jan 13, 2009; We demand to be taken seriously

Slugworth posted:

My buddy used to be addicted to heroin (I mean, he might still be, I haven't seen him in years), but what he did was, he always had latex gloves with him so that when he took his weekly rock hard massive poo poo, he could break it into pieces and flush it safely.

So, you can do that, or you can stop being addicted to opiates. Both options have their pros and cons.

If John Travolta in Pulp Fiction had carried latex gloves he may have survived the movie. If anything he would have been more courteous in the bathroom.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 03:21

Extra row of tits: Oct 31, 2020

I keep track of how many of my patients die and actively watch the ones nearing end of life so I can add them to my �score�

# ? Jan 23, 2023 03:41

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

I mean, it was that one time I pocketed extra clam strips from a seafood restaurant in my brand new starter jacket and then left it in a closet for a whole season. I�ll never live that down and the dry cleaners still give me lovely looks when I walk by. I kept it secret for so many years but it�s what I became known for. I still wear that starter jacket and I don�t care what people say, it doesn�t really smell that bad and it�s usually cold outside when I wear it, and even if there were any smell the cold keeps it down to where you can hardly even detect it. :shrug:

# ? Jan 23, 2023 03:56

Mister Speaker: May 8, 2007; WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR

Oh no, I'm not falling for that one again.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 03:58

satanic splash-back: Jan 28, 2009

I watched a man shake more than three times and never looked away.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 03:59

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

I've played one MMORPG or another semi-regularly for at least a decade now.

Some years back I stopped for a couple months when I finally quit WoW. But then I just found a different MMO.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:00

Duct Tape Engineer: Feb 16, 2005; Look at you, hacker: a pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?

I sometimes put things in my butt for sexual gratification.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:19

Buce: Dec 23, 2005

Duct Tape Engineer posted:

I sometimes put things in my butt for sexual gratification.

wow does thsi work?

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:24

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

I sometimes get Slugworth and Smugworth confused

Me too

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:25

Caesar Saladin: Aug 15, 2004

took a poo poo down a drain last week while walking home super drunk

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:31

The Wurst Poster: Apr 8, 2005; Literally the Wurst...

Seriously...

For REALSIES.

When I visit people's homes I change all of the toilet paper rolls from overs to unders and vice versa just to revel in the confrontation.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:48

bossy lady: Jul 9, 1983

I make white noise posts on purpose so no one will get mad at me on the internet

# ? Jan 23, 2023 05:58

grumplestiltzkin: Jun 7, 2012; Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.

bossy lady posted:

I make white noise posts on purpose so no one will get mad at me on the internet

Wow gently caress you :mad:

# ? Jan 23, 2023 06:01

Buce: Dec 23, 2005

bossy lady posted:

I make white noise posts on purpose so no one will get mad at me on the internet

# ? Jan 23, 2023 06:03

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

I don't actually have the world's largest dick

# ? Jan 23, 2023 06:42

thin blue whine: Feb 21, 2004; PLEASE SEE POLICY; Soiled Meat

my most embarrassing secret is i read the op and that i'm positing in here

# ? Jan 23, 2023 07:23

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

I *am* Pagliacci :smith:

# ? Jan 23, 2023 07:28

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Raere posted:

I'm gay

Me too.

Well, actually bi. But very very gay.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 07:38

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

I don't really have asthma. The inhaler is full of candy

# ? Jan 23, 2023 07:51

CaptainSarcastic: Jul 6, 2013

Embarrassment would presuppose that I have any of sense of shame.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 07:59

Trixie Hardcore: Jul 1, 2006; Placeholder.

I�m so glad I can trust you guys with my most embarrassing secret. Everyone should have friends like this.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 08:16

Mechanical Pencil: Feb 19, 2013; by vyelkin

Duct Tape Engineer posted:

I sometimes put things in my butt for sexual gratification.

I also put things in DTE's butt for sexual gratification.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 08:36

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

I had the opening riff from Led Zeppelin's "Heartbreaker" stuck in my head for 9 years, but didn't know the name of the song at the time.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 08:46

Haptical Sales Slut: Mar 15, 2010; Age 18 to 49

Sometimes I watch Jimmy Kimmel live

# ? Jan 23, 2023 08:50

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

Nuts and Gum posted:

Sometimes I watch Jimmy Kimmel live

It's at least the less embarrassing of the Jimmys, but not by much

Private Cumshoe fucked around with this message at 09:09 on Jan 23, 2023

# ? Jan 23, 2023 08:51

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

pencilhands posted:

I’m an opiate addict and also very fat, so I tend to take massive, rock hard shits. After clogging my own toilet one too many times I started exclusively making GBS threads in public toilets, usually clogging them as well. Some of my usual haunts have put out signs asking for the serial jumbo shitter to please stop using their toilets as it costs them lots of money to have to keep calling plumbers to fix them. I feel so guilty.

They all know it's you that destroys their toilet on weekly basis

# ? Jan 23, 2023 09:04

THE BAR: Oct 20, 2011; You know what might look better on your nose?

Devils Affricate posted:

Duels, actually

I don't know what that is, but I'm outraged.

# ? Jan 23, 2023 09:10

Duct Tape Engineer: Feb 16, 2005; Look at you, hacker: a pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?