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WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

me on the right
Personally my wife is the food spiller. She spills things constantly and basically cannot eat a mill without dumping poo poo on herself. It's pretty loving hilarious especially after being together for so long. I cannot look at her after spilling something without her going "YOU ARE JUDGING ME!!!!"


So who's the food spiller in your house. Who can't eat without dumping half the plate on themselves

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My Second Re-Reg
Aug 31, 2021

Come on down.
Let's make a deal.
My s/o once failed so hard at eating a sushi roll that the chef had to leave the room

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

me on the right
I spill food occasionally. Usually drinks. I'll knock a loving drink off the table. I spilled an entire wine glass on one of our friends because the table was not bolted down and I didn't realize it. I completely covered her in wine. My wife chastises me about it every time we are out with her it's a lol.


I also spilled a bottle of wine I had just purchased. I went og thank you and pushed it off the table while trying to tip a waiter. It shattered. I got a new bottle for free (probably because of the tip). But it was embarrassing. I feel like everyone will think I'm stupid as gently caress when I audibly drop something.

WAR CRIME GIGOLO fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Jan 28, 2023

WILDTURKEY101
Mar 7, 2005

Look to your left. Look to your right. Only one of you is going to pass this course.
i am one step down from the little brother in A Christmas Story

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
i don't spill food but i do exclusively use cups with lids because i'm guaranteed to knock them over onto my keyboard at some point

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
Iím the food spiller. I do not have a partner anymore. Iím just the food spiller.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015

I don't get no respect!
Iíve cooked really good food for people who just roll it up and stuff it down the front of their shirt. Really loving pisses me off.

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

me on the right
I made sure to get solely plastic cups and indestructible ceramic plates. I don't have any glass in the house basically..we use plastic everything or ceramic. A few wine glasses of course but no glass. Because I knock them over or drop them.

MoonshineWilly
Feb 7, 2007

Damn you, harlot! Science and I know what we're doing!
Iím constantly vacuuming crumbs out of the couch that my girlfriend spilled, but Iím the one that spills drinks, so it evens out.

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

me on the right

MoonshineWilly posted:

Iím constantly vacuuming crumbs out of the couch that my girlfriend spilled, but Iím the one that spills drinks, so it evens out.

gently caress dude that gets it. It does even out. Unless she's wearing something White it's a lot worse when I spill a drink because it's usually spectacular like shattering a glass of wine at a tasting or something.

There's a picture my wife has of a waitress gasping as I dump a really expensive bottle of wine over the table the bottles like mid-flight when the picture was taken. (Didn't get a second one for free that sucked) her hands out Infront of her trying to save it like it's a small child

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
My wife bought us matching bibs

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

I havenít got a partner, but my elderly cat occasionally knocks over my drink because heís blind. I still love the fucker, though :success:

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Both of us tbh

I have permanent scars from dropping a bowl of Ramen on my lap

But he keeps leaving cheetos on the couch

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

Fun Shoe
That's a hell of a story Naruto

Polish
Jul 5, 2007
I touch myself at night
Wife and all the Italians in her family. They decimate napkins while eating and food flies all over the place. They even use a spoon when eating pasta and it still doesn't help.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

My Wifes a Fucken Dumbass

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

Fun Shoe
i'm sorry, my wife and i do not subscribe to toxic and outdated relationship tropes. we work hard at maintaining an egalitarian marriage where both of us contribute 50/50 to making a huge mess and getting food absolutely everywhere

mutantIke
Oct 24, 2022

Born in '04
Certified Zoomer
OP just admitted to being the shlemazel

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

me on the right
Don't look up when the family is eating crab or corn

IShallRiseAgain
Sep 12, 2008

Well ain't that precious?

Get a dog so you are no longer the food spiller, but instead the pet feeder.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Learn to juggle your food like Mr. Bean

Toxic Mental
Jun 1, 2019

ENERGY FUCKING PILLS
Me, but not much. I'm also pretty careful but I eat a lot of crumbly foods like fried chicken and stuff.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
You should eat all your meals whilst reclined like a Roman patrician. That way anything you drop isn't on the floor!

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007

Stay Out of the Basement
when my wife and children spill something i simply catch it in my mouth with the reflexes of a cat and put it back on the plate/bowl/cup/etc

Panic! At The Tesco
Aug 19, 2005

POGCHUMP !

#essereFerrari



im single OP :wink:

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

me on the right

Netflix n spill food?

Zeluth
May 12, 2001

Never ever put anything metal into a blender.

CRIP EATIN BREAD
Jun 24, 2002

Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T



Soiled Meat

My Second Re-Reg posted:

My s/o once failed so hard at eating a sushi roll that the chef had to leave the room

lol

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT MY WEALTH OF EXPERIENCE WITH GAS STATION BONER PILLS
Nap Ghost

Zeluth posted:

Never ever put anything metal into a blender.

that's just good advice in general

thin blue whine
Feb 20, 2004
PLEASE SEE POLICY


Soiled Meat
i'm pretty good at eating food. you could say even excellent but when i eat soup my shirts get destroyed andi dont know how, especially if it has noodles like pho. it's a loving crime scene let me tell you.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011



Iíve never spilled a drop nor morsel of precious sustenance op

syntaxfunction
Oct 27, 2010
There's only three things I eat like a delicious mess:
Pussy
Dick
rear end

:cool:

Cabbages and Kings
Aug 25, 2004


Shall we be trotting home again?
Me, I'm worse than the kids are

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT MY WEALTH OF EXPERIENCE WITH GAS STATION BONER PILLS
Nap Ghost

Cabbages and Kings posted:

Me, I'm worse than the kids are

lol

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

IShallRiseAgain posted:

Get a dog so you are no longer the food spiller, but instead the pet feeder.

This. Iím about to move in with someone who has a bunch of dogs and Iím thinking,ĒYay! Now I donít have to vacuum or sweep after I eat while watching tv!Ē Of course, this wonít work in the downstairs apartment since my cats will be there, so her dogs will likely not be.

Iím pretty sure tv trays make my food mess worse while also causing me to eat like I am a food aggressive dog, making sure nobody is gonna take my food away.

Bored fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jan 28, 2023

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Just get ants and or rats, they'll clean up for you!

Roumba
Jun 29, 2005
Buglord
When I'm cooking I'll usually end up splashing something on the back of the stove because my big spoons are pretty old and floppy, but no, unless I'm drunk or doing something dumb like trying to hold an entire slice of pizza with just my mouth while I can do something else, I'm not spilling food. I'm 20+ years past a high-chair.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011



Bored posted:

This. Iím about to move in with someone who has a bunch of dogs and Iím thinking,ĒYay! Now I donít have to vacuum or sweep after I eat while watching tv!Ē Of course, this wonít work in the downstairs apartment since my cats will be there, so her dogs will likely not be.

Iím pretty sure tv trays make my food mess worse while also causing me to eat like I am a food aggressive dog, making sure nobody is gonna take my food away.

I have three dogs and while I love them dearly I could do without the 5 eyes drilling into me whenever I eat.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT MY WEALTH OF EXPERIENCE WITH GAS STATION BONER PILLS
Nap Ghost

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

I have three dogs and while I love them dearly I could do without the 5 eyes drilling into me whenever I eat.

3 dogs and 5 eyes? What happened to your one dog?

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Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017

STILL THE BEST
#1 WIFE GUY
I'm literally sitting on chex mix crumbs and detritus that the puppy demolished. She also set tin foil on microwave fire two days ago, gonna have to clean that poo poo out too. Less spilling and more holy gently caress you moron you're going to kill us all. Still miss her every minute she's gone. The power of love.

Roumba posted:

When I'm cooking I'll usually end up splashing something on the back of the stove because my big spoons are pretty old and floppy, but no, unless I'm drunk or doing something dumb like trying to hold an entire slice of pizza with just my mouth while I can do something else, I'm not spilling food. I'm 20+ years past a high-chair.

Simply get high, cook a frozen pizza, and then forget about it for ten hours. All the carbon monoxide poisoning, none of the mess.

Edgar Allen Ho fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Jan 29, 2023

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