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Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp
So I read the hobbit to my 7 year old and his favorite part was Gollum. He spent the next week going around asking “what’s in your pocketses?” We just watched The Hobbit and he was nearly in tears when Gollum got left behind without the ring.

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Iron Chef Ramen
Sep 14, 2007

HA HA! YOU HAVE CHOSEN POORLY!
gonna be even more hosed up when he finds out how he dies

Buce
Dec 23, 2005

and that child grew up to become, you guessed it, rudy guliani

Iron Chef Ramen
Sep 14, 2007

HA HA! YOU HAVE CHOSEN POORLY!
Bilbo flees through the caves, fingers brushing against a manila folder labeled "HER EMAILS" in his comically large pocket

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003
For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

Kid's gone Gollum mode.

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

Likely Doing stuff and things


My only wish
to catch a fish
so juicy sweet.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




read time machine to your kid next, there’s an entire race or subspecies of gollums

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

Buce posted:

and that child grew up to become, you guessed it, rudy guliani


Iron Chef Ramen posted:

Bilbo flees through the caves, fingers brushing against a manila folder labeled "HER EMAILS" in his comically large pocket

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Got your kid the Gollum game, problem solved

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
I have it in good authority that gollum can't kill orcs that are wearing helmets

nice obelisk idiot
May 18, 2023

funerary linens looking like dishrags
Gollum represents the devastating effects of addiction and obsession with things which are inappropriate for one's nature. So maybe the kid would like Faulkner?

eSports Chaebol
Feb 22, 2005

Yeah, actually, gamers in the house forever,
he's smeagol, not deagol
step up to the mic you look regal
he's mean, he's green
gollum beatboxes like you've never seen

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!
My kids hate lotr and by extension, me.

Empty Sandwich
Apr 22, 2008

goatse mugs

eSports Chaebol posted:

he's smeagol, not deagol
step up to the mic you look regal
he's mean, he's green
gollum beatboxes like you've never seen

I said a hib, hob / a hibbit to the hobbit

Henry Lee Mucus
Dec 11, 2003

I lusted for the ring one time and my dad beat me so bad I poo poo my pants

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

jimin

eSports Chaebol posted:

he's smeagol, not deagol
step up to the mic you look regal
he's mean, he's green
gollum beatboxes like you've never seen

got that scrawny bitch on the mic
rappin about hobbitses all night
prattles on bout that one true ring
who knew gollum loved goatse

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007

Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Dinosaur Gum

cumpantry posted:

got that scrawny bitch on the mic
rappin about hobbitses all night
prattles on bout that one true ring
who knew gollum loved goatse

Sauron bless us!
I had the Precious!
But now I got the microphone
Nazgûl best leave me alone

Bilbo Baggins, he’s from the Shire,
He stole my bling, situation’s all dire
Losing my mind I obsess all the time
Gotta get my Ring back and ghost this drat rhyme

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for away mission Sir.
A ring, a ding, a dong along
a road, a choad, a dude,
a singing dancing fool,
Bombadil is truth.

Duck and Cover
Apr 6, 2007
I've heard tell that it's a bad game.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Self Defense
Nil Satanus carborundum

Yeshua akbar!
(Xtian anarchisto, no bombo)

pop fly to McGillicutty posted:

My kids hate lotr and by extension, me.

It is old and boring.

Dr. Cool Aids
Jul 6, 2009

BigBadSteve posted:

It is old and boring.

and what about lotr

The Hello Machine
Jul 18, 2021

I'm not a real machine, but I am a real Hello-sayer.
You must have gone too hard when you were reading the gollum parts. You made gollum come alive off the page. You are a fantastic story teller.

nice obelisk idiot
May 18, 2023

funerary linens looking like dishrags

The Hello Machine posted:

You must have gone too hard when you were reading the gollum parts. You made gollum come alive off the page. You are a fantastic story teller.
The OP now needs to adopt a full Gollum lifestyle- sparse stringy haircut, raw fish, cave, etc. Anything less will cause profound psychological harm to their child by destroying their sense of wonder.

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


Is your kid the annoying one in school? Maybe they understand and viewpoint of the annoying character best and use that as their point of view character. You can look forward to favorites Scappy Doo, and Jar Jar Binks. But C3PO or R2D2 would be the most annoying characters from New Hope and they are fun. Show the kid New Hope.

N. Senada
May 17, 2011

My kidneys are busted

Duck and Cover posted:

I've heard tell that it's a bad game.

I legit thought this was going to be a thread insulting you specifically

Mr.Acula
May 9, 2009

Billions and billions of fat clouds

Get him the video game

KakerMix
Apr 8, 2004

8.2 M.P.G.
:byetankie:

N. Senada posted:

I legit thought this was going to be a thread insulting you specifically

lmao

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

WHAT WE NEED IS A FEW GOOD TATERS.

ArmedZombie
Jun 5, 2004
it's too late for him. just buy him an account already.

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

Likely Doing stuff and things


numberoneposter posted:

WHAT WE NEED IS A FEW GOOD TATERS.

What's "taters", precious?

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

Grey Cat posted:

What's "taters", precious?
PO-TAY-TOES! :pranke:
BOIL EM. :11tea:
MASH EM. :fuckoff:
STICK EM IN A STEW! :can:

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

N. Senada posted:

I legit thought this was going to be a thread insulting you specifically

There’s nothing saying it can’t be

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp

The Hello Machine posted:

You must have gone too hard when you were reading the gollum parts. You made gollum come alive off the page. You are a fantastic story teller.

Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

Mr.Acula posted:

Get him the video game

Every time the child breaks a rule, 15 minutes of golluming.

Entorwellian
Jun 30, 2006

Northern Flicker
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.



I really wish they included The Scouring of the Shire at the end of the movies. It was my favourite part of all the books.

dr_rat
Jun 4, 2001
The books really should of ended with Gollum controlling middle earth with his precious and an iron fist.

I dunno, little dude just deserves it.


Unlike those cheating hobbits.

les enfants Terrific!
Dec 12, 2008
my names gollum and i'm here to say
we loves ringses in a major way

Darth Brooks
Jan 15, 2005

I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

Vim Fuego posted:

So I read the hobbit to my 7 year old and his favorite part was Gollum. He spent the next week going around asking “what’s in your pocketses?” We just watched The Hobbit and he was nearly in tears when Gollum got left behind without the ring.

Mine will go around saying "MY PRECIOUS" which is weird because he's never seen the movie.

erosion
Dec 21, 2002

It's true and I'm tired of pretending it isn't
The 7 yo bites off Vim Fuego's finger and falls into a nice warm bath

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redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for away mission Sir.

erosion posted:

The 7 yo bites off Vim Fuego's finger and falls into a nice warm bath

Fishes! Delicious tasty fishes!

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