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pencilhands
Aug 20, 2022

i'll go first. shortly after college i lived with this guy who if asked to do anything would just never touch said thing again. i noticed he never cleaned up after himself or contributed towards the apartment in any way so i started gently asking him like

"hey man could you clean your dirty dishes" - never ate food in the apartment again.

"hey man could you not leave toilet paper on the floor" - never saw him use the bathroom again.

"hey man could you not leave trash all over the living room" - he would immediately hide in his room upon coming home, never use the common areas, and i never really saw him again.

it was like the idea of maintaining the living space in any way would cause him to self destruct




pencilhands fucked around with this message at 00:51 on May 21, 2024

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EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup FranÁais.
Talking with some kool dudes last night reminded me of a fantastic story of idiocy.

My first time in Afghanistan our hooch was next to a really rowdy group of guys. Often times they would go out on missions and bring back souvenirs, old pistols, clothes, stuff like that. Well one day they brought back a monkey. They wanted to teach it to smoke and dip and be like movie monkey I guess. It was kind of mean but cool for a few days. Well some stuff comes up and they had to go out on a mission for a few days and we were busy sitting in our launchers farting and goofing off for about the same.

So everything quiets down and we get back to our hooches. They go into theirs and it's a god damned disaster. This monkey freaked the gently caress out since they locked the poor thing in the hooch. It poo poo on and in EVERYTHING! Pillows, beds, the floor, in the fridge, in bags, loving everything. It chewed up wires and smashed their TVs and game systems, tore up photos and ate all their snacks. It ripped open cases of water, gatorade, and protein powder making this impossible to clean up slurry. We think it also got into their go fast workout stuff (Noxplode, Jack3d and the like) with either set off it's rampage or gave it the motivation to keep on destroying.

They decide the monkey has to go and the next day take it and drop it off a few miles from the FOB. A couple days go back and Monkey found his way back to the FOB. Monkey was mad as a mother fucker and started attacking people. Where does the idiot part come in? One guy tried to kill the monkey, and I can't blame him since it was a violent little fucker and probably had rabies. He missed his first shot and blasted his buddy in the leg. The guys leg was so jacked up he had to get airlifted to Germany and lost his foot.

pencilhands
Aug 20, 2022

EorayMel posted:

Talking with some kool dudes last night reminded me of a fantastic story of idiocy.

My first time in Afghanistan our hooch was next to a really rowdy group of guys. Often times they would go out on missions and bring back souvenirs, old pistols, clothes, stuff like that. Well one day they brought back a monkey. They wanted to teach it to smoke and dip and be like movie monkey I guess. It was kind of mean but cool for a few days. Well some stuff comes up and they had to go out on a mission for a few days and we were busy sitting in our launchers farting and goofing off for about the same.

So everything quiets down and we get back to our hooches. They go into theirs and it's a god damned disaster. This monkey freaked the gently caress out since they locked the poor thing in the hooch. It poo poo on and in EVERYTHING! Pillows, beds, the floor, in the fridge, in bags, loving everything. It chewed up wires and smashed their TVs and game systems, tore up photos and ate all their snacks. It ripped open cases of water, gatorade, and protein powder making this impossible to clean up slurry. We think it also got into their go fast workout stuff (Noxplode, Jack3d and the like) with either set off it's rampage or gave it the motivation to keep on destroying.

They decide the monkey has to go and the next day take it and drop it off a few miles from the FOB. A couple days go back and Monkey found his way back to the FOB. Monkey was mad as a mother fucker and started attacking people. Where does the idiot part come in? One guy tried to kill the monkey, and I can't blame him since it was a violent little fucker and probably had rabies. He missed his first shot and blasted his buddy in the leg. The guys leg was so jacked up he had to get airlifted to Germany and lost his foot.
what

evilmiera
Dec 14, 2009

Status: Ravenously Rambunctious
Mine always slammed the door as hard as possible when he came or left the place, to the point he shook the place up so bad the person who owned the house where we rented put up a sign asking us to please be gentle with the door. Said door was for the house's basement under a cement floor.

Played tennis every single day, and washed his one set of gym clothes in the communal washer every night just as everyone was going to bed.

Straight up refused to handle chores and never bought anything unless asked and seemed incredibly awkward when in conversation.

HORNEY VAPE BRO
Jun 14, 2009

EorayMel posted:

Talking with some kool dudes last night reminded me of a fantastic story of idiocy.

My first time in Afghanistan our hooch was next to a really rowdy group of guys. Often times they would go out on missions and bring back souvenirs, old pistols, clothes, stuff like that. Well one day they brought back a monkey. They wanted to teach it to smoke and dip and be like movie monkey I guess. It was kind of mean but cool for a few days. Well some stuff comes up and they had to go out on a mission for a few days and we were busy sitting in our launchers farting and goofing off for about the same.

So everything quiets down and we get back to our hooches. They go into theirs and it's a god damned disaster. This monkey freaked the gently caress out since they locked the poor thing in the hooch. It poo poo on and in EVERYTHING! Pillows, beds, the floor, in the fridge, in bags, loving everything. It chewed up wires and smashed their TVs and game systems, tore up photos and ate all their snacks. It ripped open cases of water, gatorade, and protein powder making this impossible to clean up slurry. We think it also got into their go fast workout stuff (Noxplode, Jack3d and the like) with either set off it's rampage or gave it the motivation to keep on destroying.

They decide the monkey has to go and the next day take it and drop it off a few miles from the FOB. A couple days go back and Monkey found his way back to the FOB. Monkey was mad as a mother fucker and started attacking people. Where does the idiot part come in? One guy tried to kill the monkey, and I can't blame him since it was a violent little fucker and probably had rabies. He missed his first shot and blasted his buddy in the leg. The guys leg was so jacked up he had to get airlifted to Germany and lost his foot.
These are the people I'm supposed to feel sad for when they come home in a coffin?

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

I was the worst roomate ever to this nice lady named.... I forget. Trish or something. Anyways, she had the nice apartment with two spare bedrooms and I got one and some different kind of loser got the other one, and we eventually drove her out of her own apartment. Not intentionally mind you, just being stupid rear end young males. Parties, cops, some rival gang poo poo, etc....

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

:catdrugs:


I have so many horror stories from different roommates you wouldn't even loving believe.

Never bathing, jesus christ the smells were horrible.
Putting water in cereal because they're too lazy to buy milk.
Crusty pillows. Black mold and piss all over the bathroom.
Food rotting in the fridge, the sink, and on the counter for months or years.
Trash piled to the ceiling because it's easier than taking it out.
Spending thousands of dollars on weeb poo poo instead of deodorant or clothes.
Walking into a room and making a screeching noise before just walking away.
Locking themselves into their room for days at a time, impossible to know if they died because of the usual smells.
Stealing my food.
Walking around and smacking their beer gut with their hands, no clothes whatsoever.
Racists.
Squealing in their room at all hours of the night making it impossible to sleep, and I really do mean squealing.

Honestly this only scrapes the surface of poo poo I've had to go through with roommates so I don't think I could pick one that was the weirdest.

Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

Grey Cat posted:

I have so many horror stories from different roommates you wouldn't even loving believe.

Never bathing, jesus christ the smells were horrible.
Putting water in cereal because they're too lazy to buy milk.
Crusty pillows. Black mold and piss all over the bathroom.
Food rotting in the fridge, the sink, and on the counter for months or years.
Trash piled to the ceiling because it's easier than taking it out.
Spending thousands of dollars on weeb poo poo instead of deodorant or clothes.
Walking into a room and making a screeching noise before just walking away.
Locking themselves into their room for days at a time, impossible to know if they died because of the usual smells.
Stealing my food.
Walking around and smacking their beer gut with their hands, no clothes whatsoever.
Racists.
Squealing in their room at all hours of the night making it impossible to sleep, and I really do mean squealing.

Honestly this only scrapes the surface of poo poo I've had to go through with roommates so I don't think I could pick one that was the weirdest.

was hoping it was the same single person

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

:catdrugs:


Dandywalken posted:

was hoping it was the same single person

Some of these are from the same person, the screeching vs squealing was surprisingly not the same person.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag

Eoray is a posting bot that scours the forums for topical posts

Parsley
Jul 17, 2012

Grey Cat posted:

I have so many horror stories from different roommates you wouldn't even loving believe.

Never bathing, jesus christ the smells were horrible.
Putting water in cereal because they're too lazy to buy milk.
Crusty pillows. Black mold and piss all over the bathroom.
Food rotting in the fridge, the sink, and on the counter for months or years.
Trash piled to the ceiling because it's easier than taking it out.
Spending thousands of dollars on weeb poo poo instead of deodorant or clothes.
Walking into a room and making a screeching noise before just walking away.
Locking themselves into their room for days at a time, impossible to know if they died because of the usual smells.
Stealing my food.
Walking around and smacking their beer gut with their hands, no clothes whatsoever.
Racists.
Squealing in their room at all hours of the night making it impossible to sleep, and I really do mean squealing.

Honestly this only scrapes the surface of poo poo I've had to go through with roommates so I don't think I could pick one that was the weirdest.

Is it typical for you to live with swine?

Grey Cat
Jun 3, 2023

:catdrugs:


Parsley posted:

Is it typical for you to live with swine?

It was for a big part of my life after leaving the family; just doing what I had to.
I do not currently live with any swine so that's a positive.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

I once Bullshitted my way into a full tour of the Iranian Embassy as a rental property. God drat it was 5K a month for like 14 bedrooms, 8 car garage, 3 BBQ pits on the roof, etc.

Such an amazing moment, me in my suit and this hot State Department lady....

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:
my wife

Jelly
Feb 11, 2004

Ask me about my STD collection!
I moved into this really pleasant 5 bedroom house that I found on Craigslist. I got two of the smaller rooms. The owners have a bunch of houses in the area and would rent them out. The property was right on the edge of a wooded hillside with a preserve in the backyard with nature trails and a great view of the mountain range to the east. All the other tenants were older men, two working at Boeing and one self-employed. Very inexpensive.

Two of the three roommates were completely loving nuts. The self-employed guy who lived downstairs came up and asked me if I knew who George Soros was the first day I lived there. I made a point to never talk to him again after that. The guy who lived across the hall from me was some eastern European transplant who was militantly angry at anything liberal. I think he was the fundmentalist type of crazy, rather than the conspiracy type, not that there isn't a ton of overlap. He would get flyers about Nancy Pelosi killing babies, they'd like print it right on the front of the envelope. He spent every hour of his day listening to angry right-wing assholes at peak volume.

The MAGA era has ensured I will never move in with someone without meeting them again. Right wing people are completely hosed in the head.

The third guy was some gay dude who seemed pretty cool so not sure how he reconciled with living with two insane bigots.

Funny thing is some young kid was coming in to replace me and I had a conversation with him (alone) and kind of gently warned him about the batshittery he was getting himself into, but too gentle evidently. I was like "If you're even slightly liberal you may find some challenges living here", and he responded he worked in a shop and probably leaned more in that direction anyway but when I checked in with a bill a few weeks later he had already moved out. He didn't even last one month with those crackerjacks.

Jelly fucked around with this message at 22:17 on May 20, 2024

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers
Top Cop
The weirdest and worst was Brad. Brad was a preppy guy from SoCal, transferred to our college in northern California in his third year for vague reasons. Brad would perv on any girl he came across. We had a couple girl friends in our social circle and hanging out watching stupid poo poo like MST3K, he would just pipe up out of the blue, "So gentleman, should we take these ladies out for a night on the town?"

After about a month two college girls showed up at our door unannounced. They were from San Diego and were sorority sisters. They had literally stalked our apartment and knew Brad was out for the afternoon. They had traveled by car a solid 600 miles.

"Hi, do you know about Brad?" "He's a convicted rapist."

And it was true. He had raped one of their sorority sisters the previous year. Date rape drugs and all. They had copies of police reports and court documents saying just that. Apparently because he came from a wealthy family they had been able to keep him out of jail, and only had probation for 90 days or some such poo poo.

"We thought you should know." My roommate replied that we would beat the poo poo out of him the moment he got home. Fortunately I and the other roommate did not want to do that.

He denied it all when he got home, but there was the paperwork lying right there. His full name, his hometown address, his freaking drivers ID and license plate. We told him to gtfo. He wasn't primary on the lease so it was easy to get him out and off.

He then went to live at the fraternity house he was a member of. After a party that was the frat and their sorority sisters, he was kicked out of there a month later. Tried to molest/rape some drunken girls.

I have no idea what happened to him after that, he was no longer at our university. If he got help, great; if he died in a ditch, I wouldn't care.

So that was my weirdest roommate.

Edit: The sorority put up flyers on all the kiosks around campus, with his picture, name, and "Convicted Rapist". Sadly the university took them down after about two days.

Internetjack fucked around with this message at 22:31 on May 20, 2024

Mnoba
Jun 24, 2010
hitler he was pretty good at mario cart

Jaguars!
Jul 31, 2012


A landlady who left the back door open at night so her dog could go out as it pleased.

Jelly
Feb 11, 2004

Ask me about my STD collection!

Jaguars! posted:

A landlady who left the back door open at night so her dog could go out as it pleased.

This reminds me that chud house was also riddled with moisture ants, mostly because the evangelical crazy dude didn't trust the water and would bring in his own water dispenser tanks and spill it everywhere

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.
I burnt out and took the quarter off to stay with my parents. Paid up all my bills, everything was taken care of. Came back 3 months later to dried piss all over the bathroom floor. Dude would come home drunk and miss, but he never cleaned it up. Not once in 3 months.

He started dating a cop who seemed to really dislike me. I once came home to her loaded, unsecured gun lying unattended on the kitchen table.

Blue Footed Booby
Oct 4, 2006

got those happy feet

Das Boo posted:

I burnt out and took the quarter off to stay with my parents. Paid up all my bills, everything was taken care of. Came back 3 months later to dried piss all over the bathroom floor. Dude would come home drunk and miss, but he never cleaned it up. Not once in 3 months.

He started dating a cop who seemed to really dislike me. I once came home to her loaded, unsecured gun lying unattended on the kitchen table.

Did you disassemble it, file off the point of the striker, then put it back exactly how you found it?

1secondpersecond
Nov 12, 2008


I think my roommate from freshman year of college and I were somehow both the weird roommate. We had the room set up as kind of a living room for our friend group, with the beds bunked on one side and the other side set up with a couch, tv, fridge, rug, etc.

Right before Christmas break, he managed to spill a quart of milk into the rug and left for 10 days without telling anyone or cleaning it up. I came back to a room that smelled like death because the university would blast the heat at full blast constantly (waste heat from the on-campus power plant). I didn't want to throw the rug away because I didn't have $50 for another one, so I bought a bottle of clorox, and for the next several months every time the rug started to smell kind of rowdy I would pour bleach onto it and kind of walk back and forth to tread it in. Kept it up until another friend convinced me what I was doing was insane and I should just throw the rug out.

We also superglued a bunch of those free AOL CDs all over the walls, and they tore out big chunks of paint and plaster when we pulled them down. I think we filled the gaps with toothpaste?

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Did you disassemble it, file off the point of the striker, then put it back exactly how you found it?

:hmmyes: Next time.

The_Franz
Aug 8, 2003

Grey Cat posted:

Never bathing, jesus christ the smells were horrible.

The random guy I roomed with my first two weeks of university was the exact opposite: he took 3 or 4 showers a day. If he set foot outside, he was in the shower the second he got back into the building, and on top of that, he doused himself in cologne after every shower, as he was the type of person who thought that anything that didn't smell strongly of perfume 'stank'. Meanwhile I couldn't walk into the room without my eyes watering due to everything reeking of cologne.

I also had to get up at 7:00 every day due to early classes, while he didn't have to get up until noon, so he would complain about me going to bed "really early", which to him was any time before 3:00 in the morning (half the time, he would sit up watching either Patton or Dumb and Dumber over and over again).

We switched the second the initial two week room freeze was up.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

EorayMel posted:

Talking with some kool dudes last night reminded me of a fantastic story of idiocy.

My first time in Afghanistan our hooch was next to a really rowdy group of guys. Often times they would go out on missions and bring back souvenirs, old pistols, clothes, stuff like that. Well one day they brought back a monkey. They wanted to teach it to smoke and dip and be like movie monkey I guess. It was kind of mean but cool for a few days. Well some stuff comes up and they had to go out on a mission for a few days and we were busy sitting in our launchers farting and goofing off for about the same.

So everything quiets down and we get back to our hooches. They go into theirs and it's a god damned disaster. This monkey freaked the gently caress out since they locked the poor thing in the hooch. It poo poo on and in EVERYTHING! Pillows, beds, the floor, in the fridge, in bags, loving everything. It chewed up wires and smashed their TVs and game systems, tore up photos and ate all their snacks. It ripped open cases of water, gatorade, and protein powder making this impossible to clean up slurry. We think it also got into their go fast workout stuff (Noxplode, Jack3d and the like) with either set off it's rampage or gave it the motivation to keep on destroying.

They decide the monkey has to go and the next day take it and drop it off a few miles from the FOB. A couple days go back and Monkey found his way back to the FOB. Monkey was mad as a mother fucker and started attacking people. Where does the idiot part come in? One guy tried to kill the monkey, and I can't blame him since it was a violent little fucker and probably had rabies. He missed his first shot and blasted his buddy in the leg. The guys leg was so jacked up he had to get airlifted to Germany and lost his foot.

Tbh sounds like the best thing that could have happened to a bunch of people taking an animal and subjecting it to abuse for their own amusement

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

but i dont wanna be a spaceship
Fun Shoe
I got thrown out at 17 and after being homeless for a few days, sorted out a squat share with some peeps, it was basically a newly refurbed place like a student halls, and we'd managed to grab it while it was between owners, so we were pretty legal, electricity, plumbing, all the good stuff.
Most of the others were european, a couple of backpackers who used it as a base and were gone for most of the time, and a core of 4-5 others who were nice chill people, and an italian psychopath, who was the life of any party. on his birthday he was given a sledgehammer and he used it to destroy every room at his end of the building.
otherwise, huh, people setting fire to lawns doing fire poi. a few other kinda long stupid stories.
Oh, I got a biig room in a flatshare, to myself after my ex moved to a smaller room, so friends used to come over and we'd get ready for the weekend, most crashing there fri-sat-sun and staggering off monday or tuesday, eventually some basically lived at mine, I had the pleasure of being invited to my own house by some rando in front of a couple of the longterm surfers at the end of a club night.

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys
He was actually a nice and normal dude, except for occasionally settling in for a pleasant evening of watching the James Bond ball torture chair scene on loop for about half an hour while saying "ohhh" and "gurrhhhh"

It was me, I was the deadbeat non-chore-doing flatmate. I phoned the others up a few years later and apologised for being terrible.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Sorry Trish (Or Steph.... or Jen? I don't remember, I'm terrible I'm sorry).

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers
Top Cop
Another weird roommate I had was Dirty Jim. Three of us were about 19-21 years old, and Jim was 26. Serious Van Wilder vibe.

Jim was a great guy and roommate, helped with the cleaning and chores unprompted, would readily share food, etc.

Jim's vibe though was picking up on older middle-aged women, in their 40s or even older. And Jim was good at his game. He didn't bother going to the standard college bars, or parties. Jim would hit up local bars where the scene was divorced housewives, MILFs, whatever. And to his credit he never mislead anyone, he'd tell them he just wanted to bang for a night. And Jim scored. A lot.

So many Saturday mornings I'd drag myself out of bed to go get coffee; coffee was already on, and sitting in the living room was a good-looking middle aged woman drinking coffee. More than twice they were literally wearing cougar print party dresses and high heels from the night before.

Jim would get out of the shower and be all, "Hey did you two meet? Great!" "Well were heading out to get some breakfast so I'll catch you later!"

Repeat this at least 20 times over one semester. It was weird, but Dirty Jim was cool.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Internetjack posted:

Another weird roommate I had was Dirty Jim. Three of us were about 19-21 years old, and Jim was 26. Serious Van Wilder vibe.

Jim was a great guy and roommate, helped with the cleaning and chores unprompted, would readily share food, etc.

Jim's vibe though was picking up on older middle-aged women, in their 40s or even older. And Jim was good at his game. He didn't bother going to the standard college bars, or parties. Jim would hit up local bars where the scene was divorced housewives, MILFs, whatever. And to his credit he never mislead anyone, he'd tell them he just wanted to bang for a night. And Jim scored. A lot.

So many Saturday mornings I'd drag myself out of bed to go get coffee; coffee was already on, and sitting in the living room was a good-looking middle aged woman drinking coffee. More than twice they were literally wearing cougar print party dresses and high heels from the night before.

Jim would get out of the shower and be all, "Hey did you two meet? Great!" "Well were heading out to get some breakfast so I'll catch you later!"

Repeat this at least 20 times over one semester. It was weird, but Dirty Jim was cool.

drat! Dirty Jim is cool as gently caress!

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003


pencilhands posted:

i'll go first. shortly after college i lived with this guy who if asked to do anything would just never touch said thing again. i noticed he never cleaned up after himself or contributed towards the apartment in any way so i started gently asking him like

"hey man could you clean your dirty dishes" - never ate food in the apartment again.

"hey man could you not leave toilet paper on the floor" - never saw him use the bathroom again.

"hey man could you not leave trash all over the living room" - he would immediately hide in his room upon coming home, never use the common areas, and i never really saw him again.

it was like the idea of maintaining the living space in any way would cause him to self destruct

Didn't realize we lived together op but you were a great roomie

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread
Not me but I guy I was seeing had a memorable roommate. The guy I was seeing was this gorgeous burly early 40s mechanic gambling addict and his roommate was a recently divorced career Boeing worker around the same age.

My friend would talk about his weird silent roommate sometimes, how he never spoke EVER, seemed "off", but paid his bills promptly. A few times my friend got home to the house reeking of smoke, a tiny black disc in the oven, and no answer from the roommate when my friend pounded on his bedroom door....

Then one evening my guy found me in our poker room and was SHOOK.


He'd gotten home from work and was having a normal evening. Then he went to start a load of laundry in the garage and there the roommate was, hanging.

My friend ot out of there so fast he didn't really SEE anything, but knew exactly what it was in a millisecond. I still get the creeps thinking about it

Poor guy :(

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Spinz posted:

Not me but I guy I was seeing had a memorable roommate. The guy I was seeing was this gorgeous burly early 40s mechanic gambling addict and his roommate was a recently divorced career Boeing worker around the same age.

My friend would talk about his weird silent roommate sometimes, how he never spoke EVER, seemed "off", but paid his bills promptly. A few times my friend got home to the house reeking of smoke, a tiny black disc in the oven, and no answer from the roommate when my friend pounded on his bedroom door....

Then one evening my guy found me in our poker room and was SHOOK.


He'd gotten home from work and was having a normal evening. Then he went to start a load of laundry in the garage and there the roommate was, hanging.

My friend ot out of there so fast he didn't really SEE anything, but knew exactly what it was in a millisecond. I still get the creeps thinking about it

Poor guy :(

lol so you're into gambling addicts?

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

redshirt posted:

lol so you're into gambling addicts?

You must be new

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Spinz posted:

You must be new

*adjusts bad tie, wipes flop sweat

midwifecrisis
Jul 5, 2005

oh, have I got some GREAT news for you!

The guy with unmedicated bipolar who had jizz stains all over his window

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
My dog is pretty weird, I guess. She eats poop, not a lot of you can say that about one of your roommates.

Lt. Cock
May 28, 2005

INCOMING!
Ive posted about my poop shower sauna roommate like two or three times already on these forums.

Another poop related roommate story I have is about the one time my crust punk vegan roommate decided he was gonna go raw food only. Which I feel like would maybe work for some people, but this dude ate like a garbage disposal. Insane volume at every meal.

So of course he gets constipated from this diet. Goes a week without pooping, then two, then three. Heís going insane. Has no health care what so ever. At week four he walked up to the pretty young pharmacist at Rite Aid and without any shame and told her ďI havenít pooped for a month can you please help me?Ē She pointed him to the OTC laxatives of course.

What came out of him was the most epically large poo poo that a human being may have ever poo poo in the history of making GBS threads. He turned our toilet into a soft serve cone. He must have been raising himself up and away from the bowl as he went because his poo poo clipped right out over the edge. I honestly think heís lucky he didnít have to hit the ER to get all of this surgically removed from his body.

He stopped the raw food vegan thing immediately after this.

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr
Dec 22, 2018

I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

Student housing with a shared kitchen can be wild. One genius obviously did not know anything at all about preparing food. I watched with amazement how they turned on the heat for boiling rice and for baking some chicken wings, only to turn the power off after the time mentioned in the recipe (reading from the side of the box/bag). No time to allow water to boil first or the oven to reach a specific temperature.

Then they loving put the stuff on a plate to enjoy some really al dente rice along with half frozen half wet chicken. I almost vomited from witnessing the sight. Wonder if they only broke a tooth or if they caught salmonella too! I got out and the food got thrown out.

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pencilhands
Aug 20, 2022

Spinz posted:

Not me but I guy I was seeing had a memorable roommate. The guy I was seeing was this gorgeous burly early 40s mechanic gambling addict and his roommate was a recently divorced career Boeing worker around the same age.

My friend would talk about his weird silent roommate sometimes, how he never spoke EVER, seemed "off", but paid his bills promptly. A few times my friend got home to the house reeking of smoke, a tiny black disc in the oven, and no answer from the roommate when my friend pounded on his bedroom door....

Then one evening my guy found me in our poker room and was SHOOK.


He'd gotten home from work and was having a normal evening. Then he went to start a load of laundry in the garage and there the roommate was, hanging.

My friend ot out of there so fast he didn't really SEE anything, but knew exactly what it was in a millisecond. I still get the creeps thinking about it

Poor guy :(

what was the tiny black disc?

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