Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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IronCladBurrito: Aug 11, 2002; Excuse me, is this where the bitches are found?

emjayo posted:

he fat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZqo4OZ0Pqs

# ? Apr 6, 2014 16:09

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# ? May 15, 2024 12:34

fat greasy puto: Dec 30, 2001; Anime Lover David Beckham

trem_two posted:

The American soccer media and American soccer fans have been heavily criticizing Jozy Altidore throughout the 2013-2014 EPL season.

As World Soccer Source covered last August after Jozy Altidore�s impressive hat trick against Bosnia and Herzegovina, Altidore�s technical ability, finishing, and movement off the ball have matched his athleticism and physique, and the criticism of Altidore�s scoring drought with Sunderland fails to understand how a striker�s success and goal-scoring is dependent on the passing and quality of service of his teammates.

Certainly, strikers shouldn�t require all of their goals to be laid on a silver plater for them to score, but their teammates need to be able to maintain possession and provide enough service to the striker or strikers in the final third.

Despite, Sunderland�s poor quality of play, Altidore is still a striker that the United States is lucky to have because the United States didn�t have strikers like him in the past. Altidore is a two-footed, fast, strong, quick, and tall Number 9 that is also good with his head.

For the purposes of the USA national team, Altidore is a striker that can slip behind defenders with his speed and he can finish with both feet, in addition to being a more technical and creative player than he gets credit for, and this technical-skill, creativity, and combination play is more evident when Altidore is partnered with a second striker or when Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey are used as wings with the freedom to float behind him.

If Altidore is deployed up top with attacking midfielders that can keep possession, provide him with finals balls, and combine with him, then he won�t be stranded up top where he sees little of the ball.

Regardless of what happened at Sunderland this past season, the fact hasn�t changed that Altidore is a striker that not only has the physical gifts to stretch defenses and make them run and battle, but Altidore is also a striker with cultivated technical skills that allow him to score from the run of play or with him taking free kicks or being the target of balls played by other free kick and dead ball takers.

Unlike basketball where one player has more of an ability to take over a game due to the smaller size of the playing area, soccer is played on a very large field that demands quality team passing for strikers to really have any chance of getting in scoring positions. A striker can certainly create scoring chances by himself provided that he is within some reasonable distance from the goal, but a striker that doesn�t get enough touches on the ball or receive the ball in the final third is normally doomed to going scoreless.

The bigger problem with the United States Men�s National Team is the poor collective team passing and poor collective technical quality with the exception of about five players.

Altidore has strengthened the areas of his game which needed improvement, which were his technical ability, his movement off the ball, and his willingness to take on defenders and go straight to goal.

It�s the responsibility of J�rgen Klinsmann to field a Starting XI that can keep possession and provide Jozy Altidore with enough service and touches in the final third.

lol who wrote this

# ? Apr 6, 2014 16:37

TheBigAristotle: Feb 8, 2007; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.; Grimey Drawer

trem_two posted:

Despite, Sunderland�s poor quality of play, Altidore is still a striker that the United States is lucky to have because the United States didn�t have strikers like him in the past. Altidore is a two-footed, fast, strong, quick, and tall Number 9 that is also good with his head.

Despite, Jozy is none of these things

# ? Apr 6, 2014 17:07

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

TheBigAristotle posted:

Despite, Jozy is none of these things

No need to be unfair, Jozy does at least have two feet.

# ? Apr 6, 2014 17:22

chuggo is BACK: Jul 1, 2008; "Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

Fag Boy Jim posted:

No need to be unfair, Jozy does at least have two feet.

Not once the diabetes takes hold

# ? Apr 6, 2014 17:23

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

fat greasy puto posted:

lol who wrote this

World Soccer Source, I can exclusively reveal.

# ? Apr 6, 2014 17:49

Babby Thatcher: May 3, 2004; concept by my buddy kyle

jozy is actually really really good, if he ever has 10 of the best players in the world behind him providing a supply he'll show you, you'll see

# ? Apr 6, 2014 17:51

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Babby Thatcher posted:

jozy is actually really really good, if he ever has 10 of the best players in the world behind him providing a supply he'll show you, you'll see

This would be the real litmus test for brap's claim that anyone could score 20 goals a season at Barcelona.

# ? Apr 6, 2014 18:24

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

MoPZiG posted:

Wasnt that a loan deal from Villareal? The investment in him this time was Alfonso Alves-esque...

gently caress off. Alves scored 10 goals in 42 premiership matches. Jozy has 2 in 53.

# ? Apr 6, 2014 19:25

Shrapnig: Jan 21, 2005

Just think how many goals Jozy would score if he were Spanish.

# ? Apr 6, 2014 19:52

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

At his age he needs to be playing regularly and scoring goals. 3 more seasons at a drinking club that seems to have a bit of buyer's remorse about Jozy, will see him at 27 with his confidence shot to hell and 3 years of bad habits learned. His value will have cratered, and he'll still have another 6-7 years of playing time head of him.

What I'm saying is that Jozy should give thought to taking a loan move to someplace that wants him and waiving part of his wages from Sunderland if that's what it takes to get a season-long loan move to, say, PSV through. Yes, it's giving up cash now, but doing something to improve his 2016 marketability, improve his skill level, and avoid the frustration and embarrassment of hanging around with what Ron Atkinson would probably describe as a bunch of fu**ing lazy, thick alcoholic wankers.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 01:52

JFairfax: Oct 23, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Sounds like Jozy should move to Dubai or Qatar

# ? Apr 7, 2014 01:54

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

JFairfax posted:

Sounds like Jozy should move to Dubai or Qatar

What's the food like there?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 07:00

porkface: Dec 29, 2000

Pissflaps posted:

What's the food like there?

100% chance it's better than where he's at now.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 07:40

euroboy: Mar 24, 2004

Pissflaps posted:

What's the food like there?

They've got McDonalds and KFC there too

# ? Apr 7, 2014 08:07

Total Meatlove: Jan 28, 2007; Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;

Out Jozy is exhausted trying to stop the evil of alcohol taking hold of his teammates

# ? Apr 7, 2014 08:09

Strawman: Feb 9, 2008; Tortuga means turtle, and that's me. I take my time but I always win.

trem_two posted:

At his age he needs to be playing regularly and scoring goals. 3 more seasons at a drinking club that seems to have a bit of buyer's remorse about Jozy, will see him at 27 with his confidence shot to hell and 3 years of bad habits learned. His value will have cratered, and he'll still have another 6-7 years of playing time head of him.

What I'm saying is that Jozy should give thought to taking a loan move to someplace that wants him and waiving part of his wages from Sunderland if that's what it takes to get a season-long loan move to, say, PSV through. Yes, it's giving up cash now, but doing something to improve his 2016 marketability, improve his skill level, and avoid the frustration and embarrassment of hanging around with what Ron Atkinson would probably describe as a bunch of fu**ing lazy, thick alcoholic wankers.

I wonder how Ron Atkinson would describe Jozy?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 09:34

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Local papers are suggesting that Johnson might play as a striker tonight. Jozy is definitely done at Sunderland

# ? Apr 7, 2014 10:19

fat greasy puto: Dec 30, 2001; Anime Lover David Beckham

so i shouldn't put a fiver on jozy to score tonight?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 11:26

Modus Trollens: Sep 12, 2010

fat greasy puto posted:

so i shouldn't put a fiver on jozy to score tonight?

Soldado is injured so unfortunately we will not have a battle of the sulk tonight

# ? Apr 7, 2014 11:29

mackintosh: Aug 18, 2007; Semper Fidelis Poloniae

Jozy will score tonight and silence all the critics.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 11:47

Kaveman: Jul 25, 2009; NEVER!!!

Jozy will not beat the streak.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:03

Koesj: Aug 3, 2003

IIRC the Gulf has the highest diabetes rates in the world so Jozy'd fit right in!!!

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:30

Steves Asleep: Jun 5, 2005

Kaveman posted:

Jozy will eat the steak.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 12:48

The Mash: Feb 17, 2007; You have to say I can open my presents

Altidore will be in beast mode tonight

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:49

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

I'll be in girlmode.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 13:59

belgend: Mar 6, 2008; me when The Club do another win

I will be in neutral. *puts on the handbrake to make a full stop*

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:26

not not luvd: Nov 17, 2006; My Arse!

My XXXL Jozy shirt is ironed and ready.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 15:27

TheBigAristotle: Feb 8, 2007; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.; Grimey Drawer

Koesj posted:

IIRC the Gulf has the highest diabetes rates in the world so Jozy'd fit right in!!!

Dubai is offering gold to its citizens in exchange for weight loss

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:04

Destroy My Sweater: Jul 24, 2009

Kaveman posted:

Jozy will not beat the streak.

undertaker...

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:15

Thirteenth Step: Mar 3, 2004

there should be a clause inserted into every managers contract in the epl that if jozy scores against your team then you should be instantly fired into the sun

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:18

emjayo: Apr 11, 2013

he's on the bench, so plenty of time for him to tuck into a hot buttery something

any late night greggs near white hart lane? (he may have to settle for a roll from pret)

(or rolls, cos fat)

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:30

Shit Farm: Jan 10, 2013

Jozy always struck me as more of a Fatso's fan.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:41

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Sunderland are playing Adam Johnson as a striker over Altidore. Hes that bad.

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:43

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

serious gaylord posted:

Sunderland are playing Adam Johnson as a striker over Altidore. Hes that bad.

What's up with Borini? I thought he was doing better all things considered

e: Oh he's just being played somewhere else. Fair enough.

Gigi Galli fucked around with this message at 17:13 on Apr 7, 2014

# ? Apr 7, 2014 16:49

advanced statsman: Dec 26, 2012; ISLAM FC

jozy ate him thinking he was tagliarini

# ? Apr 7, 2014 17:07

Fat Lowtax: Nov 9, 2008; "I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"

Jozy Altidore is starting tonight for Sunderland under 21s lmao

# ? Apr 7, 2014 18:35

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

Fat Lowtax posted:

Jozy Altidore is starting tonight for Sunderland under 21s lmao

Is
This
Real

# ? Apr 7, 2014 18:36

oliwan: Jul 20, 2005; by Nyc_Tattoo

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm from the future and my sports almanac says one Jozy "Josmer" Altidore is scoring tonight?

# ? Apr 7, 2014 18:37

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# ? May 15, 2024 12:34

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Gigi Galli posted:

Is
This
Real

It is

# ? Apr 7, 2014 18:38

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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