Taciturn Tactician posted:

Wasn't that originally about a seat on a motorcycle?

ARE THOSE MY SPERMS posted:

Found the quote I was looking for a while ago. Thought I'd share.


also: bonus quotes from my own personal stash


and a batch of chicken rape quotes

Biplane posted:

Haha you got a link to the chicken rape thread (words I'd hoped never to write)

WeaponGradeSadness posted:

It was indeed:
http://nanowrimo.org/participants/hornymantravis/novels/sex-motorcycle

HOW COULD YOU posted:

I'm 95 percent sure it's from the ask/tell thread about raising chickens, and it got really funny before everyone poking fun got probated.


edit:I guess it got moved to pet island, CHICKENGATE 2013 starts here

Volume posted:

Goober Peas posted:

For the rest of us*, there's always this :



_{*myself, STR, and CSB excluded}

kastein posted:

Yo, gently caress your couch.

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

the imaginary land of reddit, where the streets are paved with reddit gold.

edit- i believe the natives call it "le dorado"

ZergFluid posted:

However, women as a group form a cartel when it comes to pussy and disfavor prostitution because it undercuts the indirect price they exact for sex.

http://www.carlsonschool.umn.edu/assets/71503.pdf

Austrian mook posted:

What's with all the terrible actors? Like, I get that it's about the sex and everything, but as someone who's done tons of stage performance, seeing really weak acting performances just takes me out of the experience. Yes, I'm that guy. Where can I find porn that's acted well?

Ovo posted:

I would kill to read the 1488 words this guy did write about Horny Man Travis.

echinopsis posted:

i just dont know how to feel about girls


depends if im post or pre jizz i guess

echinopsis posted:

hmm

that came across as really creppy and gross. was going for more of a suave and classy (but also honest) masterbatuer vibe

GAINING WEIGHT... posted:

I know it's been in the thread already but I've forgotten enough of it that I wouldn't be able to find it...does anybody have the quote about the guy advising a girl not to get married to her fiance who is about to join the military?

Obama Africanus posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

myshl0ng posted:

This is one of the few instances where I agree with cops. If you aren't a huge whore, you most likely won't be raped/killed/sold into sex traffic.

Even a broken cop is right twice a day.

tehloki posted:

I once had an afternoon of drawing stick figures and dicks by dissolving styrofoam with a brush and some kind of solvent. Then I moved on to drawing stick figures and dicks in more styrofoam by melting it with a soldering iron (was small child, idiot, etc.). After I got tired of messing with styrofoam and solvents I tossed out the fuming goo-covered mess in the trash can, emptied most of the bottle of solvent on the pile to watch it melt and crumble, then moved on to burning little drawings of stick figures and dicks into cardboard with the soldering iron. When I threw one of the pieces of cardboard away I guess some part of it was still smoldering or burning slightly and I was confronted with a giant fireball shooting out of the (thankfully metal) garbage can full of styrofoam + solvent. I managed to kick the furiously burning can out the garage door, where it spilled its horrible contents and burned a nice plasticky uncleanable mess into the driveway, belching awful black oily smoke all the while. My dad put a lock on the garage door the next day.

their lil poopers posted:

I have it bookmarked and spoiler alert, she did not heed the warning.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3310326&pagenumber=72&perpage=40#post412934769

spider bethlehem posted:

An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare, we are told. What we are not told is that even monkeys refuse to produce the works of John Ringo.

Mr. Sunshine posted:

WoodrowSkillson posted:

Search is down, does anyone have the Ruddha horse posts?

Seat Safety Switch posted:

This is how every Stephen King short story starts, isn't it?

You'll find the guy's desiccated body down the street, his eyes hollow and sunken, his forearms blown open by millions of baby spiders hatching inside them and the fingernails broken and torn from attempting to rend his own flesh to find release. The knob will have lodged itself directly into his sternum, pulverizing his clavicle into a fine mist and scorching an inverse spider pattern into his heart and lungs.

But you'll also find a copy of How To Keep Your Volkswagen Alive, pre-flipped to the section for "Why Is This loving poo poo Always On Fire, A Whole-Body Experience."

John Muir posted:

TABLE OF Contents
INTRODUCTION 3
CHAPTER I HOW TO STEAL THIS BOOK (TO SAVE MONEY FOR PARTS) 5
CHAPTER II HOW WORKS A VOLKSWAGEN, EVEN GRAMMAR HAS LEFT US 10
CHAPTER III HOW TO BUY FOUR VOLKSWAGENS 21
CHAPTER IV TOOLS AND SPARE CARS 29
CHAPTER V HOW TO DRIVE A VOLKSWAGEN 36
CHAPTER VI EXOTIC ARRANGEMENT OF PRICELESS COOLING TIN 38
CHAPTER VII ENGINE STOPS OR WON'T START (NO FIRES) 42
CHAPTER VIII RED LIGHT ON! (ON FIRE) 62
Why Is This loving poo poo Always On Fire, A Whole-Body Experience 70
CHAPTER IX GREEN LIGHT ON! (FIRE UNIT DEFECTIVE) 83
CHAPTER X MAINTENANCE (EVERY 8 MINUTES): Valve Adjustment, Timing, Tune-up, Lubrication, Distributor, Carburetor, Fuel Injection 92
Tune-up Checklist 96
Line of Credit Timing Chart 110-111
CHAPTER XI VOLKSWAGEN DOESN'T STOP PRODUCING SPIDERS 167
CHAPTER XII SHIMMIES AND SHAKES (VW MEET GIRLS) 189
CHAPTER XIII SLIPS AND JERKS (CLUTCH) 207
CHAPTER XIV GRINDS AND GROWLS (HOLY JESUS MY FLESH) 213
CHAPTER XV WEEKLY ENGINE OVERHAUL 235
CHAPTER XVI KNOW-HOW: Where to Find Suicide Methods 325
Table of Human Anatomy Weaknesses 341
CHAPTER XVII WITHIN THE LAW (TAKING YOUR MEDS) 347
Wiring Diagram (Don't Listen to Them... I'm Still Here) 348
CHAPTER XVIII HI-PERFORMANCE (HAHAHAHAHAH) MODIFICATIONS 357
CHAPTER XIX VW MANIA (DSM-V EXCERPT) 403
PARTS PUSHERS 417
CHAPTER XX HOW TO KEEP YOUR VOLKSWAGEN ALIVE FOREVER BY ROBBING A BANK EVERY 30 MINUTES 427
CHAPTER XXI THE GRAB BAG, or Things We Didn't Know Where Else to Put 437
CHAPTER XXII ELECTRICAL IMPULSES AND SHOCK THERAPY 445
CHANGES AND NEW IDEAS, LIKE JUST BUYING A loving SUBARU 453
CHAPTER XXIII THE DREAD AUTO-TROTTEL 461 TROUBLE, TROUBLE, UNPARALLELED SEXUAL EXCITEMENT 465
INDEX 469
SPECIFICATIONS FOR VW MEETS 478

Quixotic posted:

"feminism?!" newsmonster kramers in the door and just keeps kramering, sliding off around the room, bouncing against walls. he kramers against your toilet, busting it up big time. you get the feeling he's trying to say something to you but he's kramering at such a high velocity you just can't quite make it out. as he finally nails a window and falls out you think you hear him exclaim "I'm a feminist, that's what's so CRAZY about this" on the way down

President Ark posted:

What happened to the strangecoin thread in D&D? I was enjoying watching a strange, schizophrenic man getting owned repeatedly.

Did it have something to do with when he started writing rambling terrible sci-fi fiction featuring horrible things?

Kenny Logins posted:

Captain_Maclaine posted:

I was wondering the same thing. Eripsa was getting remarkably loopy even by his standards, but the thread just up and vanished. Can't find it in the gas chamber or anywhere.

Good Citizen posted:

Thread got disappeared to a mod-only forum. I stopped reading that thread a while ago, but considering how much information Eripsa was sharing I think it's a pretty safe bet that someone internet detectived him and did something stupid, so they nuked it. If it was anything else then RA would probably be banned right now, and he isn't

DrNutt posted:

Does anyone have this quote with a thread link? I'd like to read it in context.

Kenny Logins posted:

Not terribly handy at the moment, due to the archives not working, but here's the Google cached version of the page of the thread it appeared on, at least.

Good Citizen posted:

Thread got disappeared to a mod-only forum. I stopped reading that thread a while ago, but considering how much information Eripsa was sharing I think it's a pretty safe bet that someone internet detectived him and did something stupid, so they nuked it. If it was anything else then RA would probably be banned right now, and he isn't

Dick Trauma posted:

I've been trying to get a picture of this van for a few weeks, finally got my chance.

subx posted:

I'm missing what is terrible about this.

Snowdens Secret posted:

Would you want a guitar where it's impossible to find the G?

InitialDave posted:

"I don't recognise this note on your sheet music"
"Oh, that's a pudendal clef"

FLAMERS IN CAHOOTS posted:

http://imgur.com/gallery/bXOH0

Big Anime Fan Here posted:

it would be cool if he ran out of movies and died

Big Anime Fan Here posted:

*death rattle*: Lilo and Stitch: Stitch has a Glitch was... alirght

Sweet Blameless Child posted:

he doesn't even say what he thought of the movie. i want to read his review

Sweet Blameless Child posted:

Let me preface this review by saying, this movie is the only reason I have drawn breath for the past week, and all of my hopes were pinned on it. Anyway, let's get to it. It's a little better than the last one, but still not as good as lord of the rings. Some of the chase scenes went on too lon

Humphreys posted:

Triskelli posted:

What was this guy even aiming for?

CorporalClegg posted:

The moose?

Maoist Pussy posted:

I don't think you can participate in a pussy cartel if you don't have any product.

poopzilla posted:

I'm the ideas man