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That is absolutely delicious. For a moment I thought I was in the schradenfreude thread
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May 21, 2015 19:54
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God I wish I had the dollars to blow on a dumb game to troll nerds. I'd just make a game aroundabout the level of quality of something Lowtax reviews in his youtube LP's and call it "PeePoo Doody Butt: Revenge"
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May 22, 2015 03:39
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bucketmouse posted:Speaking of games explicitly designed to make the player mad: After laying dormant for a good year and a half this goddamn thing is starting to blow up on social media again. I think this is the fourth time. I believe it's worth linking this Cr1tikal video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maygjIePBoc best quote: "most owls can rotate their heads 270 degrees in both directions. this owl can gently caress itself in all directions." Also, speaking of KI:U, the Hades troll isn't the worst thing the game pulls. There's two whole levels based around loving with the player's brain (5 and 21), with optical illusions and color inversion and other weird poo poo. gently caress I love that game 
Gamma Nerd has a new favorite as of 05:32 on May 22, 2015 |
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May 22, 2015 05:29
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Gamma Nerd posted:Also, speaking of KI:U, the Hades troll isn't the worst thing the game pulls. There's two whole levels based around loving with the player's brain (5 and 21), with optical illusions and color inversion and other weird poo poo. gently caress I love that game There's also an enemy in KI:U that plays an INCREDIBLY obnoxious little song anytime its on the screen. At least, I think that's how it works. I don't actually know since I didn't play the game. However my little brother did and from just hearing him playing it I know those enemies pop up all the drat time in some places. An endless symphony of high pitched beeping I couldn't escape from because I was stuck in a car with him.
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May 22, 2015 07:13
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Imagine a stereotypical grisly looking grim reaper that slowly plods around the level on a set path but the instant it sees you it goes completely bugeyed and cartoony as it flies towards you in a hurricane of scythes, limbs and looney toons-style popped eyes as that song plays. It's basically the cue that you screwed up a stealth segment big time and you're going to be very, very dead in short order.
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May 22, 2015 13:41
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What was the name of that "RPG" where you'd randomly get a really scary HELL DEMON SATAN HELL FUCKER HELL-type enemy popping up and usually wiping out the party? I'm thinking mid-to-late eighties. e: Yeah Drakkhen
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May 22, 2015 13:43
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bucketmouse posted:Imagine a stereotypical grisly looking grim reaper that slowly plods around the level on a set path but the instant it sees you it goes completely bugeyed and cartoony as it flies towards you in a hurricane of scythes, limbs and looney toons-style popped eyes as that song plays. It's basically the cue that you screwed up a stealth segment big time and you're going to be very, very dead in short order. God those things are assholes in Smash. Soon as it appears and spots you the screen fills with 8-bit enemies that knock you all over the place, while it stands in place and slashes like a maniac any time you get near it.
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May 22, 2015 14:06
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Jerry Cotton posted:What was the name of that "RPG" where you'd randomly get a really scary HELL DEMON SATAN HELL FUCKER HELL-type enemy popping up and usually wiping out the party? I'm thinking mid-to-late eighties. Really that game is miserable in the early levels where combat with a rat is likely to take 10 mins of missing your hits and breaking half of your armor.
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May 22, 2015 15:54
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Darkhold posted:Which part are you talking about? The Panther heads at crossroads or the random creature coming down from the sky at night? Don't forget this!
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May 22, 2015 16:51
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Darkhold posted:Really that game is miserable in the early levels where combat with a rat is likely to take 10 mins of missing your hits and breaking half of your armor. Especially if you don't game the gently caress out of the character creation process and end up with horrible starting stats 
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May 22, 2015 16:57
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Is this actually a real game? Not some weird gag? 
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May 22, 2015 17:33
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Alabaster White posted:Is this actually a real game? Not some weird gag? Yep. I still have the SNES port somewhere. It's pretty neat, but most people find it obnoxious to play. You navigate the overworld in 3D, going from place to place to find clues, buy equipment, and do quests. When a random encounter is triggered, the day/night cycle stops and your party (2D sprites) walks out onto the field to fight. When it's over, they walk back off and you can continue. Dungeons are sort of 2D puzzle-based deals where there are also fights. I think it's fun in a novel sort of way. Definitely not what you'd expect from a game with such a baller title screen: 
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May 22, 2015 17:52
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Choco1980 posted:Well considering the movie star and director (not as much a radio star I think) also turned around and made the game show that was eventually poorly dubbed and ported to the US as Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, I'd say he's just a world class rear end in a top hat who likes making others jump through humiliating hoops. MXC is loving amazing you retard
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May 22, 2015 17:56
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forbidden lesbian posted:MXC is loving amazing you retard I don't think he was implying it was bad
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May 22, 2015 23:39
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Aesop Poprock posted:I don't think he was implying it was bad I don't think so either but calling it a "bad dub" is pretty disingenuous when clearly no one gave a poo poo what was really being said.
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May 22, 2015 23:42
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Lumberjack Bonanza posted:I don't think so either but calling it a "bad dub" is pretty disingenuous when clearly no one gave a poo poo what was really being said. Yeah, they took the Samurai Pizza Cat approach and was better for it.
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May 23, 2015 00:27
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IIRC Takeshi's Castle is literally an effort at making live-action Super Mario Brothers.
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May 23, 2015 02:06
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Internet Kraken posted:There's also an enemy in KI:U that plays an INCREDIBLY obnoxious little song anytime its on the screen. At least, I think that's how it works. I don't actually know since I didn't play the game. However my little brother did and from just hearing him playing it I know those enemies pop up all the drat time in some places. An endless symphony of high pitched beeping I couldn't escape from because I was stuck in a car with him. There's actually two of those! The reapers, and those terrifying instant-death skull things called Ornes. There's one level which will place an Orne right in your path if you overshoot a dash. It's not a very forgiving game on higher difficulty, to say the least.
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May 23, 2015 02:09
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Choco1980 posted:I don't understand, are you trying to tell me that this game is bad? Because it sounds amazing. Problem with those kind of games is that I stayed up past my bedtime finally beat the boss complety wiped out and then it's like poo poo have a whole nother portion. Playing Dragon's Dogma right now, guess what happens. I think someone mentioned the romance system but if they didn't heres a good article summing it up http://gaygamer.net/2013/04/dragons-dogma-made-me-do-something-terrible-why-developers-shouldnt-skimp-on-romance-mechanics/
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May 23, 2015 02:24
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Sleeveless posted:Once again, Nippon is years ahead of the west when it comes to celebrity developer troll games. You don't actually have to do any of the crazy bullshit the game normally requires, since the game has a cheat code. On the title screen, just throw a punch (press B)! ...thirty thousand times. (That's not a joke, either, I have actually tested it in an emulator and it really does work) As for trolls, does the Escapipe in Phantasy Star III count? If you sell off some starting equipment, you can buy an Escapipe (basically a escape-rope type item)... but if you use it to escape the prison you're thrown into shortly after you start the game, welp: 
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May 23, 2015 02:44
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Sinners Sandwich posted:Problem with those kind of games is that I stayed up past my bedtime finally beat the boss complety wiped out and then it's like poo poo have a whole nother portion. That's one of those unintended problems that turns out to be hilariously perfect even when it doesn't work as intended. My favorite was the one reviewer who deliberately avoided the romance aspect of the game so when they got to that point the "beloved" was captured it was the blacksmith that the player kept buying stuff from the most.
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May 23, 2015 05:28
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pentyne posted:That's one of those unintended problems that turns out to be hilariously perfect even when it doesn't work as intended. My favorite was the one reviewer who deliberately avoided the romance aspect of the game so when they got to that point the "beloved" was captured it was the blacksmith that the player kept buying stuff from the most. This is loving amazing
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May 23, 2015 05:45
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It's a pretty common thing actually. The game stores an invisible value of how much an NPC likes you, which increases if you give them gifts and things like that. Their affection also goes up a tiny bit each time you talk to them, which means that the innkeeper and blacksmith will actually be close to the max affection by the end of the game since you need to talk to them so much. It stores this value for virtually every single NPC in the game and your character's sex doesn't make a difference. This means that all NPCs are pansexual and the results are fittingly hilarious. Without communicating this system to you in any way, when you go fight the dragon, the game picks whoever you have the most affection with and decides that they're your beloved who you must save from the dragon. So after beating the dragon, a lot of players were treated to a cutscene of their character making out with the doofy innkeeper. One patch included a change that specifically stopped the innkeeper's affection going up every time you talk to him but it didn't do this for the blacksmith so he's still fair game. Dragon's dogma is an incredible game and I really hope dragon's dogma online comes to the west.
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May 23, 2015 06:35
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Gestalt Intellect posted:Without communicating this system to you in any way, when you go fight the dragon, the game picks whoever you have the most affection with and decides that they're your beloved who you must save from the dragon. So after beating the dragon, a lot of players were treated to a cutscene of their character making out with the doofy innkeeper. One patch included a change that specifically stopped the innkeeper's affection going up every time you talk to him but it didn't do this for the blacksmith so he's still fair game. Dragon's Dogma also had one other hilarious mechanic: the notice board quests of type "Kill n of x" would have a reward which would automatically appear in your inventory whenever you killed the enough of the required monsters. Many of the rewards were one of the Golden weapons which you could then sell, but some of them were a whole pile of items like War Bugles (these have no use except for completing another sidequest). I was playing through the Watergod's Altar area fighting something or the other when suddenly my encumbrance jumped to heavy or very heavy. After investigating my inventory I noticed that 40 goddamn War Bugles had dropped into my backpack out of nowhere because I had accidentally finished the quest of killing the required number of somethings. And to make it even better, the area also requires you to collect 5 heavy-rear end stone tablets and bring them out of the area. My party barely crawled out of there carrying all that crap. Demon's Souls had some fairly trollish inventory weight fuckery as well. That was the only game in the series to have a limited inventory weight, and if you tried to pick up something that would exceed it, it would just automatically drop back on the ground. The nasty part was that loot initially in the game world would stay there until picked up, but anything dropped by you (or by enemies) would disappear forever once you left the area. And there was no way to put anything into storage without leaving the area. What this meant was that you would descend the well at the execution site, find a glowy (an item, but you don't see what it is until you pick it up), pick it up and automatically drop it right back down since it's the super heavy armor set with the best defense in the game (the Brushwood set). Unique, of course. And now that you touched it, it's no longer persistent, but will disappear forever if you leave the area. And there are no savepoints to go back to for doing it any other way. Have fun figuring out what else you could drop to make room for it or lose it forever.
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May 23, 2015 14:33
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Gestalt Intellect posted:It's a pretty common thing actually. The game stores an invisible value of how much an NPC likes you, which increases if you give them gifts and things like that. Their affection also goes up a tiny bit each time you talk to them, which means that the innkeeper and blacksmith will actually be close to the max affection by the end of the game since you need to talk to them so much. It stores this value for virtually every single NPC in the game and your character's sex doesn't make a difference. This means that all NPCs are pansexual and the results are fittingly hilarious. Ddo will never come out for real gamers, and is going to suck Im pissed at Capcom because dark arisen was one of the best games / expansions I've ever played
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May 23, 2015 17:21
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Not quite as bad a troll, but in Diablo III in the third act an injured soldier gives you some item that has to get to his captain and then dies. So you fight your way to the top of the small tower and deliver it to the captain and complete the quest, and the moment the quest is done the captain dies, rendering the whole quest moot.
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May 24, 2015 00:25
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Elohssa Gib posted:Not quite as bad a troll, but in Diablo III in the third act an injured soldier gives you some item that has to get to his captain and then dies. So you fight your way to the top of the small tower and deliver it to the captain and complete the quest, and the moment the quest is done the captain dies, rendering the whole quest moot. You don't get loot?
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May 24, 2015 00:42
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In Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, when you get your ability to double jump, you also get the ability to do a jump kick. Jump kicking off of an enemy causes you to bounce up slightly, and re-enables your double jump. With some well placed bounces off of enemies, you can get a little more height off of your jumps and reach places you'd otherwise need another ability to reach. So when you backtrack to check out new places you can reach, there's one that's just out of your reach, of course. If you're clever, you can bounce off of a bat that flies at just the right trajectory to get you up to where you want to go. Feeling satisfied with yourself, you walk into the room that you kinda sorta sequence broke into, only to pick up a slice of pumpkin pie off of the floor. It restores 60 HP, which is even less than a basic potion item (100 HP restored). There is nothing else in the room, and you went through all that effort for floor pie. Which may feel a bit worse if you actually do wait until you have the other mobility ability to check it out.
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May 26, 2015 02:51
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Lurking Haro posted:You don't get loot? Before the major overhaul, getting loot in Diablo 3 was the troll.
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May 26, 2015 02:59
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liquidypoo posted:There is nothing else in the room, and you went through all that effort for floor pie. The food healing items in Castlevania, barring the staples like Pot Roast and Turkey, are all pretty crappy troll items. Peanuts, frankfurters, grapes, all these things you think "well maybe they'll help me in a pinch" just poo poo up your inventory and heal somewhere around 12 HP, which is like getting hit once in the first half of the game. In SotN, you couldn't even sell them.
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May 26, 2015 03:30
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liquidypoo posted:In Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, when you get your ability to double jump, you also get the ability to do a jump kick. Jump kicking off of an enemy causes you to bounce up slightly, and re-enables your double jump. With some well placed bounces off of enemies, you can get a little more height off of your jumps and reach places you'd otherwise need another ability to reach. So when you backtrack to check out new places you can reach, there's one that's just out of your reach, of course. If you're clever, you can bounce off of a bat that flies at just the right trajectory to get you up to where you want to go. Feeling satisfied with yourself, you walk into the room that you kinda sorta sequence broke into, only to pick up a slice of pumpkin pie off of the floor. It restores 60 HP, which is even less than a basic potion item (100 HP restored). There is nothing else in the room, and you went through all that effort for floor pie. If anyone wants to see this particular jump for themselves, have at it.
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May 26, 2015 03:43
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The White Dragon posted:The food healing items in Castlevania, barring the staples like Pot Roast and Turkey, are all pretty crappy troll items. Peanuts, frankfurters, grapes, all these things you think "well maybe they'll help me in a pinch" just poo poo up your inventory and heal somewhere around 12 HP, which is like getting hit once in the first half of the game. In SotN, you couldn't even sell them. Peanuts were the best because when you use them in SOTN they get tossed in front of you, and you have to catch them to get mediocre healing. If they fall on the floor then they do nothing.
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May 26, 2015 04:25
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many johnnys posted:Peanuts were the best because when you use them in SOTN they get tossed in front of you, and you have to catch them to get mediocre healing. If they fall on the floor then they do nothing. I'm imagining this badass vampire opening a bag of peanuts and screaming "poo poo!" when the bag tears and they go everywhere.
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May 26, 2015 05:22
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many johnnys posted:Peanuts were the best because when you use them in SOTN they get tossed in front of you, and you have to catch them to get mediocre healing. If they fall on the floor then they do nothing. Beaten to it but yes this was loving amazing. Both because I loved the silly little animation for eating peanuts, and also because clearly this food you found on the floor and were going to eat is no good to you now that YOU dropped it 
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May 26, 2015 05:40
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Bluemillion posted:I'm imagining this badass vampire opening a bag of peanuts and screaming "poo poo!" when the bag tears and they go everywhere. I'm imagining Dracula's Castle as one of those country themed bar-restaurants where people just throw peanut shells all over the drat floor. Instead of Bloody Tears it's some Garth Brooks song playing.
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May 26, 2015 06:47
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Light Gun Man posted:I'm imagining Dracula's Castle as one of those country themed bar-restaurants where people just throw peanut shells all over the drat floor. Instead of Bloody Tears it's some Garth Brooks song playing. Mebbe Hank Williams Jr? " I got blooods in my beaaard, cuz I'm draining you mah deaar"
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May 26, 2015 06:54
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I've just gotten around to playing DJ Hero in preparation for a new generation of rhythm games. And as doing so, I went to check what high level play is like. As it turns out, it's nigh-impossible for us mere mortals, as is the trend. But checking it out, there was this song, "Groundhog (Jungle Beat)" by Noisia. Made exclusively for the game, it was made for these music game grognards. It's notably fast, occasionally of rhythm, and requires nigh controller breaking speed and precision. And best part, in the lulls between action, a sarcastic British man questions your ability before ramping up the difficulty. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PMbGB7XqaQ
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May 26, 2015 08:31
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Section Z posted:Beaten to it but yes this was loving amazing. Hey, it was probably totally fine and not dropped on the floor or stepped on by undead flesh golems before you happened to find it! But now that you've dropped it you don't wanna get necrotic flesh and dog hair in your mouth so best to just cut your losses there.
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May 26, 2015 09:34
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The best item in Symphony of the Night are the Secret Boots. Their description is "Discreetly Increases Height!". True to it's word, all it does is increase Alucard's height by one pixel.
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May 26, 2015 09:36
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Tiberius Thyben posted:The best item in Symphony of the Night are the Secret Boots. Their description is "Discreetly Increases Height!". True to it's word, all it does is increase Alucard's height by one pixel. Sorry, but that distinction goes to the Cat-eye circlet.  http://lparchive.org/Final-Fantasy-Tactics/Update%20118/
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May 26, 2015 12:59
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