Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

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Libertad!: Oct 30, 2013; You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!

Since I don't know what book it's in or if Darkseid already covered it and I managed to forget about it, but I recall hearing about something more obscure about the story which is probably spoilerific.

It's about nation which is almost destroyed due to white guilt or something to that effect. I've heard a lot of bad things about this series, but this one managed to escape my notice.

For anyone who has read or remembered the series, what's that about?

# ? Jun 13, 2015 20:51

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# ? May 16, 2024 12:26

Zanzibar Ham: Mar 17, 2009; You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.; Grimey Drawer

Libertad! posted:

For anyone who has read or remembered the series, what's that about?

There was a whole book dedicated to that, unless I'm really misremembering.

# ? Jun 13, 2015 21:02

Spanish Matlock: Sep 6, 2004; If you want to play the I-didn't-know-this-was-a-hippo-bar game with me, that's fine.

Is this thread even still going on? I thought for sure it had finally up and murdered ddp with its lovely objectivist garbage.

# ? Jun 14, 2015 04:39

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

I keep being harangued about it, I just really don't feel like spending all two hours of sunlight that I'm awake for writing about this.

If I considered it dead I'd lock the topic. Lemme see about bum-rushing to the actual plot of this book, though.

# ? Jun 14, 2015 05:13

the_steve: Nov 9, 2005; We're always hiring!

Zanzibar Ham posted:

There was a whole book dedicated to that, unless I'm really misremembering.

Yeah, Soul of the Fire.

# ? Jun 14, 2015 06:10

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I keep being harangued about it, I just really don't feel like spending all two hours of sunlight that I'm awake for writing about this.

If I considered it dead I'd lock the topic. Lemme see about bum-rushing to the actual plot of this book, though.

I appreciate it, but don't make it anymore unfun than it inherently has to be.

# ? Jun 14, 2015 06:34

SirPhoebos: Dec 10, 2007; WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I keep being harangued about it, I just really don't feel like spending all two hours of sunlight that I'm awake for writing about this.

If I considered it dead I'd lock the topic. Lemme see about bum-rushing to the actual plot of this book, though.

I've enjoyed this thread as much as anyone, but you don't owe any of us loser anything. If you can't take it anymore, I totally get it.

# ? Jun 15, 2015 17:09

Zanzibar Ham: Mar 17, 2009; You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.; Grimey Drawer

Yeah, I didn't realize it's been so long since anyone posted until I did. If you're not enjoying it then feel free to stop and go back to enjoyable reading.

# ? Jun 15, 2015 20:55

Shadin: Jun 28, 2009

SirPhoebos posted:

I've enjoyed this thread as much as anyone, but you don't owe any of us loser anything. If you can't take it anymore, I totally get it.

Yeah, this thread has taught me a lot about just how terrible something can really be. However, you've already gotten way farther than I could have.

# ? Jun 16, 2015 20:28

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Things which were more fun to do than transcribe this overly long prologue section of the novel:

Let me explain. Chip's Challenge is a (with few exceptions) slower puzzle game wherein you collect X number of computer chips per level, get to the exit, and don't die from a variety of hazards in the process. Blobnet is the single worst level in the entire game, consisting of trying to collect 86 chips from enemies which, unlike everything else in the game, move according to an RNG rather than a set pattern. It is a tedious, horrible slog, wherein every single move you make has to be weighed against "if I do this, do I have a 25*% chance of dying?".

I still beat my head against that for a week rather than crack open Temple of the Winds again.

_{* note: chance may be as high as 75% by the end of the stage, because gently caress you}

Anyway, when we left off, Kahlan was still entertaining Richard's pawn-of-a-witch-woman ex. I'm just going to summarize the next few chapters heavily because god I want this book to loving start:

Kahlan and Cara decide to re-interrogate the kid, despite Richard's orders.
Nadine comes along because she wants to see "Richard's world", but not "Richard's World" because he has no Stand and/or 90s cartoon. Please feel free to create a li'l-Howie style Richard.
Marlin, despite being left in a literal dungeon pit, is asleep on his feet. Cara tries waking him with pain but it does nothing. This is because...
Jagang is possessing him and has been for ??? long. He now knows what Mord-Sith are, a bunch of Richard's weaknesses, Kahlan's failings, etc. because of this. The Agiel doesn't do a drat thing to him because the mind in the body isn't feeling it.
Blah blah blah more prophecy-as-code bullshit. Jagang has invoked a "double-bind" prophecy, wherein if Richard tries stopping it, things go down one branch, and if he gives in, it turns into the other, but either way, blah blah gently caress it we all know he's going to weasel out of this there are ten more books. Proof of the prophecy will come "on the red moon". Some of you are already groaning because you get it.
As a gently caress you, he has Marlin etch a prophecy into the wall with lightning in High D'Haran, telling the two of them to have Richard translate it later and prove him right.
At this point, "Marlin" flees into the palace, entirely in control of his gifts again. Cara is incapacitated by something Kahlan can't see, and Nadine follows her in chasing the wizard down through the now-darkened palace, as a torchbearer. It is actually not a bad chase, mostly because of some of the little details. ("Why are we going left? The blood goes to the right." "There hasn't been any blood thus far. It's a trick or a trap. We go the other way.")
The chase ends up in the Wizard's Keep.

quote:

That was when Nadine squealed from behind and went into the water, �Don�t lose the torch!� Kahlan screamed. Nadine, chest-deep in the rushing water, thrust the torch up in the air to keep it from being doused. Kahlan snatched her wrist and strained against the drag of the water as the current swept Nadine past. There was nothing for Kahlan to grab hold of with her other hand. She hooked the heels of her boots over the edge of the stepping stone to keep from being pulled off.
Nadine thrashed with her other hand, searching for one of the stepping stones. She found one and grasped it. With Kahlan�s help, she pulled herself back up.

�Dear spirits, that water is cold.�

�I told you to be careful!�

�Something, a rat, I think, grabbed my leg,� she said, trying to catch her breath. �I�m sure it was dead. I�ve seen others float past. Now be careful.� Nadine nodded in embarrassment. I because she had been swept past Kahlan, Nadine was now in the lead. Kahlan didn�t see how they could change places without a struggle, so she motioned Nadine on.

Nadine turned to start out. Suddenly a huge shape erupted from the black depths. Water sluiced from Marlin as he bobbed up and snatched Nadine�s ankle with his one hand. She shrieked as she was yanked feet-first into the inky water.

Jagang is not a wizard, and while he can use Marlin's gift, he's basically just using level one spells constantly: huge bursts of fire to make them duck underwater, massive air blasts to destroy walls and clear his path. He is, however, still the best villain in the series (for the moment).

quote:

Jagang chuckled. �Well, well, darlin, how nice of you to drop by to witness my escape.�

�Where are you going, Jagang?� she managed.

�I thought I�d go up to the Keep.�

Kahlan gasped for air and caught a mouthful of water instead. She coughed and choked it out. �Why do you want to go to the Keep? What�s there that you want?�

�Darlin, you�re deluding yourself if you think I would reveal anything I don�t want you to know.�

�What did you do to Cara?�

He smiled but didn�t answer. He lifted Marlin�s hand. A blast of air shattered more of the grate to the side.

[...]

Nadine popped up from the water right behind him. With one hand she held a stone step. In her other, she still gripped the dead torch. Looking as if she was at the ragged edge of madness, she took a mighty swing, clubbing him across the back of his knees.

Marlin�s legs folded under him and he toppled into the water right in front of Kahlan. He caught himself on the broker grate with his one hand. When he saw what waited outside, he frantically tried to push himself back. Apparently, he hadn�t anticipated that there might be no way down from the drain tunnel. Nadine clutched a stepping stone and held on for dear life. Kahlan reached behind with her injured arm, stuffed her left hand through a grate opening under the water, and made a fist to lodge it fast. With her other hand, she seized Marlin by the throat.

�Well, well,� she said through gritted teeth. �Look what I have here: the great and all-powerful Emperor Jagang.�

He grinned, showing broken teeth. �Actually, darlin,� he said in Jagang�s grating, impudent voice, �you have Marlin.�

Unsurprisingly, Kahlan's power does not ensnare Jagang when she lets it loose. Marlin's body, however, is so wrecked that without that passenger riding it, he just collapses into death immediately.

That took 4 chapters. I'm going to sum the next two up quickly: ancient D'Haran healer-priests have shown up in the palace to serve the new Lord Rahl. Thank god, because Cara is still convulsing from whatever the hell Marlin/Jagang did to her! Just as Nadine is about to give her some herbs, the healer arrives and goes "god, you suck at this, HERB WOMAN, you would have killed her if I was slower". Because Nadine, you see, did not check for the obvious problem:

quote:

He ignored the apology and pointed. �Undo the buttons and open the top of her outfit.�

�Why?� Nadine asked.

�Do it! Or do you favor watching her die? She can�t hold on much longer.� Nadine leaned forward and began undoing the row of little red leather buttons along the side of Cara�s ribs. When she finished, he gestured for her to open it. Nadine glanced up at Kahlan. Kahlan gave her a nod, and she pulled back the supple leather, exposing Cara�s chest. �May I ask your name?� Kahlan asked him.

�Drefan.� Instead of asking hers, he put an ear to the center of Cara�s chest, listening. [...] Drefan leaned forward and gripped Cara�s breasts in his big hands. Kahlan sat up straighter. �What do you think you�re doing?�

�Examining her.�

�Is that what you call it.�

He sat back on his heels. �Feel her breasts.�

�Why?�

�To see what I discovered.�

Kahlan finally turned from the shadow of his cowl and, rather than grabbing her as he had, put the back of her fingers against the side of Cara�s left breast. It was hot- burning with a fever. She felt the other. It was ice cold. When Drefan gestured, Nadine followed suit. �What does it mean?� she asked.

�I�d like to reserve judgment until I�ve finished examining her, but it�s not good. Her aura is seriously snarled,� he said[...]

Medicine!

Oh, wait, no, it gets even funnier. Let me show you the second half of that sentence...

quote:

[...]he said, as he brazenly thrust a big hand under the red leather at Cara�s waist. Kahlan watched in stunned disbelief as his hand slid down to her crotch. She could see his fingers under the tight leather as he worked them into her sex.

Hard as she could, Kahlan fisted him on the nerve at the side of his upper arm. He recoiled in pain. He fell to the side of his hip with a groan, covering his arm where she had clouted him.

�I told you, this is an important woman! How dare you grope her like that! I won�t have it, do you understand?�

�I wasn�t groping her,� he growled.

The heat was still in Kahlan�s voice �Then what do you call it?�

�I was trying to determine what this dream walker has done to her. He�s greatly disturbed her auras, her energy flows, confusing her mind�s control of her body. She�s not in convulsions, precisely. She�s having uncontrolled muscular contractions. I was checking to make sure that he hadn�t triggered the part of her brain that controls excitement. I was making sure that he hadn�t put her in a state of continual orgasm. I have to know the extent of the blocks and triggers he�s disturbed so that I know how to reverse it.�

Nadine, eyes widening, leaned forward. �Magic can do such a thing? Make a person have... continual...�

He nodded as he flexed his sore arm. �If the practitioner knows what he�s doing.�

�Can you do such a thing?� she breathed.

�No. I don�t have the gift, or any other form of magic, but I know how to heal- if the damage isn�t too great.� The cowl turned toward Kahlan. �Now, do you wish me to continue, or do you want to watch her die?�

�Continue. But if you put your hand down there again, you are going to be a one-handed healer.�

�I�ve already learned what I needed to know.�

Nadine leaned in again. �Is she...?�

�No.�

And now you know why I wanted to get to the meat of this book. Why would this be the meat of the book, you ask? Well, they heal Cara's aura points with magical weed smoke**, and then this happens.

_{** Only barely a joke.}

quote:

Kahlan frowned, not knowing what she meant. Cara rolled her head back, looking up at Drefan as he hunched over her. �How do you feel?� he asked. �Is everything feeling normal now?�

Her brow drew together with a look of foggy confusion bordering on alarm. �Lord Rahl?� she asked incredulously.

�No, I�m Drefan.� With both hands, he laid back his cowl. Kahlan�s eyes went wide, along with Nadine�s. �But my father, too, was Darken Rahl. I am Lord Rahl�s half brother.�
Kahlan stared in wonder. Same size, same muscular build as Richard. Blond hair, like Darken Rahl�s, although shorter and not so straight. Richard�s hair was darker, and coarser. Drefan�s eyes, piercing blue like Darken Rahl�s, rather than grey like Richard�s, nonetheless bore the same cutting, raptor rake. His features possessed that impossibly handsome perfection of a statue that Darken Rahl�s had; Richard hadn�t inherited that cruel perfection. Drefan�s looks, somewhere in the middle, leaned more toward Darken Rahl than Richard.

But while no one would mistake Drefan for Richard, they would have no trouble telling that they were brothers.

We are now on chapter 14. When we began, we were at 8. This is 150 pages into this drat novel before the main plot shows up.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 16:50

Renfield: Feb 29, 2008

I've actually just read this one- it's just the one Ancient-Healer-Priest that has shown up !

That it's Richard's Half-Brother isn't even the main plot- that's not even started yet

(He Started Killing the Children because we changed the rules of the game so everyone could play !)

I found it really jarring that this serious Dream-Walker character, that is a threat to the Whole World is calling everyone 'darlin'' ... I just can't not read it in a Cornish accent :/

Renfield fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Jun 17, 2015

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:06

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

I would apologize for that error but I'm doing this instead of sleeping off a shift, so... nah.

Also this dude is totally the main plot of the book, because to me, the only thing I ever remember from Temple of the Winds is Baron's air force.

Think about it.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:07

Renfield: Feb 29, 2008

are we spoiling poo poo ?

Cos I thought the point was the plague unleashed on the Midlands, which they have to find the Temple of the Winds to stop, or it'll kill Literally Everyone, including the Imperial Order (which then sets up the magical disaster threatening the world for the Next book)

I mean, yeah half-brother is a major plot-point, but not the meat of the 'action' as I read it..and the rest of the priests turn up later to say 'We're looking for a lunatic that we've been looking after, he may be pretending to be the Master of our Order'

but then I did finish this one a week ago.. next one is Even harder going

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:12

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

No, I know entirely what you mean, but to me, the climax of the book is, uh... climaxes. I do not give a poo poo about the actual plot, haha. You should basically realize I'm not entirely here to give this series a fair shake.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:16

Zanzibar Ham: Mar 17, 2009; You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.; Grimey Drawer

Something I forgot until now. When I read one of the novels I got this idea in my head that the Sword of Truth is actually supposed to be a pro-Christian series, with Richard as the Jesus analog.

That was based on a scene where some women are getting tortured (of course) by Jagang, and one woman is somehow only there to tell them to accept Richard as their Lord and Savior.

This was probably before I knew anything about Ayn Rand or Objectivism or even Libertarianism (I don't live in the US).

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:29

Recycling Centerpiece: Apr 28, 2005; Turn around; Grimey Drawer

I actually started with Temple of the Winds, then went back and read the first three then TotW again since I knew better what was going on and had managed to tune out most of the preaching. Idiot teenager, etc. As always, the best part of the book is that Darken Rahl continues to troll from beyond the grave.

I think Drefan's actually a pretty good character. Not a good person but you can be one and not the other. In another series, he'd be a great foil for Richard, in a "if I'd actually had to exert effort in anything instead of having life, power, and abilities handed to me" sort of way.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:34

Renfield: Feb 29, 2008

Zanzibar Ham posted:

That was based on a scene where some women are getting tortured (of course) by Jagang, and one woman is somehow only there to tell them to accept Richard as their Lord and Savior.

it's not just some women, it's EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, and you have to Accept him in your Heart as well, not just say the worlds !

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I'm not entirely here to give this series a fair shake.

Well, Colour me surprised !

I'm (sadly) enjoying them, in a so-bad-its-almost-readable way

# ? Jun 17, 2015 17:44

Bifauxnen: Aug 12, 2010; Curses! Foiled again!

Sworder posted:

I think Drefan's actually a pretty good character. Not a good person but you can be one and not the other. In another series, he'd be a great foil for Richard, in a "if I'd actually had to exert effort in anything instead of having life, power, and abilities handed to me" sort of way.

It's been ages since I read any of these books, so my memory's really shaky, but isn't Drefan the guy who kills and rapes a bunch of women (in varying orders), most notably at a key event of the story where I always thought it was so loving stupid cause wouldn't he get caught like straight away? I don't remember if it's supposed to be something he can't control at all, but it still seems pretty dumb that he lived this long without learning to cover his tracks better.

Until DDP got here I couldn't even remember the guy's name. When I was trying to tell my own memories of this awful series elsewhere, I just referred to him as "evil rapey dude who's also the protagonist's brother"

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:10

Ego Trip: Aug 28, 2012; A tenacious little mouse!

Bifauxnen posted:

"evil rapey dude who's also the protagonist's brother"

There's 2 of those

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:12

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

I finally just decided to grab the drat ebook so I can work on this at work/when I'm getting dinner before work. You're all welcome.

I never had to do this poo poo for LPs.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 04:46

Libertad!: Oct 30, 2013; You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I finally just decided to grab the drat ebook so I can work on this at work/when I'm getting dinner before work. You're all welcome.

I never had to do this poo poo for LPs.

What kind of sandwich is that? Also, is it restaurant food or home-cooked?

# ? Jun 18, 2015 05:40

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Libertad! posted:

What kind of sandwich is that? Also, is it restaurant food or home-cooked?

Tuscan Ciabatta Melt. When you are only eating a meal a day, you eat big.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 05:52

Spanish Matlock: Sep 6, 2004; If you want to play the I-didn't-know-this-was-a-hippo-bar game with me, that's fine.

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Tuscan Ciabatta Melt. When you are only eating a meal a day, you eat big.

It's a SPICE SANDWICH.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 06:27

Shadin: Jun 28, 2009

Magical Continual Orgasms, I feel like Terry just found some of his erotic fiction he wrote as a kid and got it published. I think it's even creepier to think that by the time he was writing this poo poo, he was almost a 50 goddamn year old man.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:24

Jothan: Dec 18, 2013

Whoa wait hold up

Chip's Challenge is on Steam now?? I still have that on a floppy disk.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 20:37

Random Hajile: Aug 25, 2003

Jothan posted:

Whoa wait hold up

Chip's Challenge is on Steam now?? I still have that on a floppy disk.

Sure is. Also, now there's a sequel.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 20:44

theshim: May 1, 2012; You think you can defeat ME, Ephraimcopter?!?

You couldn't even beat Assassincopter!!!

Oh god, I caught back up and I regret everything

Zanzibar Ham posted:

Just finished marathoning this thread over the past few days (I skimmed here and there). Yeesh, The Sword of Truth. I read 2 or 3 of the books, though not in the right order since they didn't have them all in the library. Things I remember:

Richard learns about CPR
A terrible country surrounded by death noise cannons, and Richard & Co barely show up in this book
Chainfire being finally terrible enough that I decided against reading more Sword of Truth.

I also read maybe 8-10 of the Wheel of Time books. I loved the series and me and my brother would buy the new one each time they came out. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one who thought that Mat was the best character. One of the things that actually made me stop following the series was that one of the last books I read didn't have anything about Mat in it, which made me realize that for a while now I've mostly been reading the books for the Mat segments.

But anyway, now I gotta wait patiently for the next update like everyone else here.

Hah. Are you me? I made it to Chainfire somehow as a dumb teenager before finally having had enough. I also got through all the Wheel of Time books up to Knife of Dreams, and Mat was the only character I still liked at that point (which is seriously damning when you consider how many characters are in WoT). I kinda want to go back and finish it just because Sanderson is really bloody good at writing, but that would mean having to remember anything more than the scattered bits and pieces I do now...

# ? Jun 19, 2015 17:38

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Just pick up from either Knife of Dreams or Sanderson's first book. They fill you in.

I am going to edit this next post after I sleep because it is really, really raw right now.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 17:59

Luftvaffel: Sep 25, 2008; But what's the point of spending $10 if you can't give somebody an avatar that will scar them for life?

e: tl;dr: I read SoT as a dumb teenager, realized that it was poo poo halfway through, made myself finish the series anyway, regret the wasted time, and this is a great thread.

Sworder posted:

I actually started with Temple of the Winds, then went back and read the first three then TotW again since I knew better what was going on and had managed to tune out most of the preaching. Idiot teenager, etc.

I read them in the same order. It was some of the first fantasy I read, and I ate it up. Then I read a lot of Discworld and the WoT series, and when Soul of the Fire came out it seemed like SoT wasn't quite as good as it had been. It wasn't until the Pillars of Creation that I realized how terrible the writing was, and not until Naked Empire that I really noticed the political propaganda. I quit after that, but a few years later the Internet told me that Goodkind was "back on form", so I picked it up again. It got a bit better, but it still wasn't nearly as good as I remembered the first books being. I forced myself to finish the last three books just to see what happened. The payoff wasn't worth it.

I started reading the first book again last year to relive Goodkind's golden age, but it turns out it was always poo poo! I stopped before they got to Zed and got rid of the books so I could keep some good memories. Maybe I should have burned them; now I'm responsible if some kid gets their first look at fantasy (or politics) from Goodkind. I still love Zed, Nathan, Cara and Ann though. And the TV show is some good goofy fun. It really could be a good story in the hands of an actual writer.

I discovered this thread last week. Thank you for reading those horrible books so I don't have to! I pick up on a lot more of the symblism this time around. I look forward to seeing the Fantasy Clintons. From the discussion in the thread I think that was this book? Like so many others in this thread I hardly remember anything from the series. All I remember from this one is that Kahlan has sex with Dick Roll in the dark, thinking it's Drefan, so Dick gets pissy and runs away to the hidden magical temple to sulk and learn all the wizarding. When he finally gets over himself and goes back to save the day, he has to leave all the knowledge, but that's ok because he gets to take the wisdom with him!

I plan on finishing WoT this summer. I stopped after Crossroads of Twilight when that was the newest book (and I read New Spring). Does anything happen in Knife of Dreams at all, or can I just skip to The Gathering Storm?

# ? Jun 21, 2015 18:44

theshim: May 1, 2012; You think you can defeat ME, Ephraimcopter?!?

You couldn't even beat Assassincopter!!!

Luftvaffel posted:

I plan on finishing WoT this summer. I stopped after Crossroads of Twilight when that was the newest book (and I read New Spring). Does anything happen in Knife of Dreams at all, or can I just skip to The Gathering Storm?

IIRC, stuff actually happens in Knife of Dreams. Almost made up for the wretched slog that was Crossroads of Twilight.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 19:12

Renfield: Feb 29, 2008

Yeah it's worth reading, if only because the last 3 (with Sanderson) are Much better - you can really tell when Jordon was getting sick, and when he got a decent editor as well.

It's worth noting that the last 3 books where going to be One volume !

It's very, very obvious what Goodkind was reading, as Temple of the Winds, and the next one (that I can't remember the title of, even though I'm actually reading it now- that's how good it is) has silly long descriptions of what everyone is wearing.. just like Wheel of Time 6-7 (i think) - widely regarded as the weakest of the series.

Renfield fucked around with this message at 19:23 on Jun 21, 2015

# ? Jun 21, 2015 19:20

Recycling Centerpiece: Apr 28, 2005; Turn around; Grimey Drawer

quote:

"If those unenlightened masses think those are the weakest, then it would be obvious to a sound and logical mind that they are, in fact, the best."
/

# ? Jun 21, 2015 21:31

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

You know what everyone wanted after that last scene? The return of the most boring man alive.

quote:

The only sound in the otherwise dead silence was the click, click, click of Richard�s thumbnail on one of the points of the recurved cross guard on his sword The elbow of his other arm rested on the polished tabletop while he cradled his head between a thumb under his chin and his first finger along his temple With a calm face, he did his best to control his anger He was furious This time, they had crossed the line, and they knew it.

I pasted all of that to point out something: the formatting in this ebook copy is atrocious. Look at that. That's the raw transcription, and it's all one sentence, because something ate all the periods when they formatted this. I'll fix as much as I can in editing, but jesus, that's a thing which is actually sold for money.

Richard disciplines his failed-guards for Kahlan by pulling a Monty Python: they are not protecting him, they are very naughty boys*. Thus, they cannot go feed squirrels for a few days. He does realize that he's extremely pissed however, without having drawn the Sword to amplify it. Maybe there's something to be worried about in that infinitely-growing rage. We learn part of it has to do with the moon being blood-red the night before, something nobody's ever seen.

And then Cara walks in and asks if she can choose how she's going to be killed for her failure.

quote:

�Lord Rahl,� she said in a small voice, �I fully understand the dimensions of my failure, and what it means. Lord Rahl, may I be granted a request?�

�What is it?�

She sank to her knees, bending forward in supplication. She took up her Agiel, holding it in both trembling fists. �May I choose the manner of my execution?�

�What?�

�A Mord-Sith wears her red leather at her execution. If she has previously served with honor, she is allowed to choose the manner of execution�

�And what would you choose?�

�My Agiel, Lord Rahl. I know how I have failed you- I have committed an unforgivable transgression- but I have served with honor in the past. Please. Allow it to be with my Agiel. It�s my only request. Either Berdine or Raina can carry it out. They know how-�

Richard walked around the table. He leaned back against its edge, looking down at Cara�s slumped, quivering form. He folded his arms. �Denied.�

Her shoulders shuddered with a sob. �May I ask what Lord Rahl will choose?�

�Cara, look at me,� he said in a soft voice. Her tear-stained face came up. �Cara, I�m angry. But no matter how angry I was, I would never, ever, have you, any of you, executed.�

�You must. I have failed you. I have disobeyed your orders to protect your love. I have made an unforgivable mistake.�

Richard smiled. �I don�t know that there are unforgivable mistakes. There may be unforgivable betrayals, but not mistakes. If we were going to start executing people for mistakes. I�m afraid I�d have been dead long ago. I make mistakes all the time. Some of them have been pretty big.�

She shook her head as she gazed into his eyes. �A Mord-Sith knows when she has earned execution. I have earned it.� In those blue eyes he saw the iron of her resolution. �Either you carry it out, or I will.�

Richard stood for a time, judging the demand of duty to which a Mord-Sith was bound. Judging the madness in those eyes. �Do you wish to die, Cara?�

�No, Lord Rahl. Since you have been our Lord Rahl, never. That is why I must. I have failed you. A Mord-Sith lives and dies by a code of duty to her master. Neither you nor I can alter what must be. My life is forfeit. You must carry out the execution, or I will.�

Richard knew that she wasn�t making a play for sympathy. Mord-Sith didn�t bluff. If he didn�t somehow change her mind, she would do as she promised.

Another actually good idea: Richard decides to purge his rage and test himself all at once: he brings out the sword, tells her to look him in the eyes when he carries out her sentence, and swings with all his might. The blade stops in front of her neck as if slammed into a wall. Cara accepts this as "the sword's magic" accepting her as a guard, but he knows that if he had been just a little more pissed, it would have beheaded her.

So he decides to punish her by making her feed chipmunks tomorrow. Blah blah there's some stuff where Nadine doesn't get the hint and keeps going "Y'know I'm single...", and then he finally checks in on his wounded not-yet-a-wife. This hilarious exchange comes out in there:

quote:

�I�ve been better. Kahlan, what is Nadine still doing here?�

�Richard, she helped me. I didn�t think she would have the guts to keep her head, but she did. She�s confused by all this, too. Something more than we�re seeing is going on, and we have to use our heads, not hide under the blankets.�

He heaved a sigh. �I still don�t like it, but you have a point. I only marry smart women.�

Richard Rahl: Serial Bigamist. I love that that's a plot point later, by the way. It's just the stupidest possible thing.

Anyway, let's leave off here with the actual prophecy, finally translated and assembled for us since it got lightninged into a wall like the logo of a game company:

quote:

Richard couldn�t manage to smile. �Prophecies are more complicated than their words. You know that. Just hearing their words doesn�t mean it�s what it sounds like. Besides, just because Jagang found a prophecy, that doesn�t mean he can invoke it.�

�Well, that�s all true enough. I told him as much myself. He said that proof he had invoked the prophecy would come on a red moon. Not much chance of that-�

Richard spun around. �What did you say? You didn�t tell me that before. What did Jagang say?�

Her face paled. �I forgot... until you said... I told Jagang that I didn�t believe him-about invoking the prophecy. He said that proof would come on the red moon. Richard, do you know what that means?�

Richard�s tongue felt thick. He made himself blink. �The moon was red last night. I�ve been outdoors my whole life. I�ve never seen anything even remotely like it. It was like looking at the moon through a glass of red wine. It gave me goose bumps. That was why I came back early.�

�Richard, what did the prophecy say? Tell me.�

He stared at her, trying to think of a lie he could make her believe. He couldn�t. �It said,� he whispered, ��On the red moon will come the firestorm. The one bonded to the blade will watch as his people die. If he does nothing, then he, and all those he loves, will die in its heat, for no blade, forged of steel or conjured of sorcery, can touch this foe.��

Silence rang through the still room. Kahlan�s face was white. �What�s the rest of it? Jagang said it was a bound fork prophecy. What�s the rest of it� -her voice broke- �the other fork? You tell me, Richard. Don�t you lie to me. We�re in this together. If you love me, then you tell me.�

Dear spirits, let her hear the words, and not my dread. Let me at least spare her that. His left hand clutched the hilt of his sword. The raised letters of the word TRUTH bit into his flesh. He blinked his vision clear. Show no fear.

��To quench the inferno, he must seek the remedy in the wind. Lightning will find him on that path, for the one in white, his true beloved, will betray him in her blood.�

Let the crazy begin.

_{* And girls, yes, recall that there were two Mord-Sith involved.}

# ? Jun 22, 2015 16:11

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Warning: Do Not Read At Work.

Bonus: I am basically skipping the entire next chapter, but here, have Kahlan tricking the truth of what happened between Nadine, Richard, and Michael Cypher years ago out into the open. This is not even peak "what the gently caress, Goodkind?!" in this novel.

quote:

�I told him what you said about letting him catch you kissing his brother. The little �shove� you gave him. Remember?�

Nadine brought the tails of the bandage around, her fingers suddenly working swiftly at tying them. �Oh, that.�

�Yes, that.�

Nadine avoided looking up. She slipped the sleeve of the dress over Kahlan�s hand. As soon as she had pulled the dress up over Kahlan�s shoulder, she dropped the horn back in her bag. �That should do it. I should replace the poultice later today.� Kahlan watched as Nadine hefted her bag and scurried for the door.

Kahlan called her name. Nadine reluctantly paused and turned partway back. �Seems you lied to me. Richard told me what really happened.� Nadine�s freckles vanished in a crimson glow. Kahlan stood and gestured toward a tufted velvet chair. �Care to set things right? To tell me your side of it?�

Nadine stood woodenly for a moment, then sank into the chair. She folded her hands in her lap and stared down at them. �I told you, I had to give him a shove.�

�You call that a shove?�

Nadine turned even redder. �Well.� She flicked a hand. �I knew how boys lost their heads over... over their lust. I figured that was my best chance of getting him to... to lay claim to me.�

Kahlan was confused, but she didn�t let it show. �Seems it would have been a little late for that.�

�Well, not necessarily. I was bound to end up with one of them when I let Richard catch me like that, naked, atop Michael, having a good time of it. Michael was game for me, that was for sure.�

Kahlan�s brow rose. �How did you figure that-�

�I had it worked out. Richard would come in behind me. He�d see me on Michael�s lance, crying out with the pleasure of it, and he�d be taken with lust by the sight, and by my willingness. Then he�d lose his head, his inhibition, and at last he�d have to have me, too.�

Kahlan stared dumbly. �How was that going to get you Richard?�

Nadine cleared her throat. �Well, it was like this; I figured that Richard would enjoy having me. I�d make sure of that. Then, I�d tell him no the next time he wanted me, and he�d want me so much, after he�d had a sampling, that he�d claim me. If Michael wanted to claim me, too, then it�s my choice, and I�d choose Richard. If Richard didn�t claim me, and I got pregnant, then I�d say it was his and he�d marry me because it could be his. If I didn�t get pregnant, and he wouldn�t claim me, well, then, there was still Michael. I figured second best was better than none.�

Kahlan didn�t know what had happened, Richard hadn�t said. She feared Nadine would stop her story right there. Kahlan couldn�t very well admit she didn�t know what happened next, and worse, she feared to hear just how successful Nadine�s bizarre plan had been. In the first version, the kissing version, Richard had turned away. But Kahlan now knew that version wasn�t true. She watched the vein in the side of the Nadine�s neck throb. Kahlan folded her arms and waited.

At last, Nadine collected her voice and continued. �Well, that was my plan, anyway. It seemed to make sense. I figured I�d get Richard out of it, at best, and Michael at worst. It didn�t work the way I thought. Richard walked in and froze. I smiled over my shoulder. I invited him to come join the fun, or else to come to me later and I�d see to him, too.� Kahlan held her breath. �That was the first time I saw that look in Richard�s eyes. He didn�t say a word. He just turned and walked out.�

Nadine stuck a hand in under the hair hanging around her face and wiped it across her nose as she sniffled. �I thought I�d at least have Michael. He laughed at me when I told him he�d claimed me. He just laughed. He never wanted to be with me again after that. He�d gotten what he wanted. I was no use to him after that. He moved on to other girls.�

�But, if you were willing to... Dear spirits, why didn�t you simply seduce Richard?�

�Because I was worried he might expect that and have his resistance built up for it. I wasn�t the only girl he danced with. I was afraid he wouldn�t want to commit, and that if I simply tried to seduce him, he might be ready for that and turn me down. I�d heard a rumor that Bess Pratter tried that. It didn�t seem to have worked for her. I was afraid it wouldn�t be enough of a shove. I figured that jealousy would be the thing that pushed him off the fence. I figured my plan would take him by such surprise that he�d just lose his head with jealousy and lust, and then I�d have him. I�ve heard tell there�s nothing more powerful in a man than jealousy and lust.� With both hands, Nadine pushed her hair back on her head. �I can�t believe Richard told you. I didn�t think he would ever tell anyone.�

�He didn�t,� Kahlan whispered. �Richard only stared at me when I told him that you said he caught you kissing his brother. He didn�t tell me the story. You just did that all by yourself.� Nadine�s face sank into her hands. �You may have grown up with Richard, but you didn�t know him. Dear spirits, you didn�t know the first thing about him.�

�It might have worked. You don�t know as much as you think. Richard is just a boy from Hartland who never had anything and has had his head turned by fine things and people doing his bidding. That�s why it might have worked-because he just wants what he sees. I was just trying to make him see what I have to offer.�

Kahlan�s head throbbed. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she shut her eyes. �Nadine, as the good spirits are my witness, you have got to be just about the stupidest woman I have ever met.�

# ? Jun 22, 2015 16:25

the_steve: Nov 9, 2005; We're always hiring!

I honestly always felt bad for Nadine, because you know she exists solely as a strawperson to make Kahlan look that much better.
You're supposed to hate her, but they way it gets conveyed, Goodkind just beats you over the head with it. "Look at her, what a dumb ho she is. Not like Kahlan. Do you hate Nadine yet?"
And then right before she dies, when she suddenly undergoes that 180 personality shift and gets all petty and uberbitchy at Kahlan. I mean, does Goodkind WANT you to cheer on her death at that point? It's possible. Hell, Richard sure as hell wasn't bothered by it. "Yeah, well, she hosed my brother once instead of me. She deserved to end up at the bottom of a cliff."

# ? Jun 22, 2015 17:37

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

This is going to involve a lot of talk about sex and loving.

Kahlan is not a people person. Never really will be.

quote:

Kahlan felt the heat of him at her back. �How could Michael do that to you? How could you ever have forgiven him?�

�He was my brother,� Richard whispered, �I would have forgiven anything he did against me. Someday I will stand before the good spirits; I didn�t want to give them a reason to say I was no better. �It was what he did to others that I couldn�t forgive.�

She put a comforting hand to his arm. �I guess I see why you want me to go with you to meet Drefan. The spirits tested you with Michael. I think you will find Drefan a better brother. He may be a bit arrogant, but he�s a healer. Besides, it would be hard to find two that wicked.�

Ahahahahaha. No, I'm not going to dance around yet another Rahl having a heel-turn later on. I've said before, one of the largest constants in this series is that if Richard has a brother show up, they will be evil. Period. Someday I seriously need to look up if the real Terry Goodkind has a brother or two.

quote:

�So, what�s the story?�

�I am the bastard son of Darken Rahl.�

�As am I,� Richard said.

�Not exactly. You are the gifted heir of Darken Rahl. A distinct difference. Lord Rahl.�

�Gifted? Darken Rahl raped my mother. I have often had reason to consider my magic a curse.�

Drefan nodded deferentially. �As you would have it, Lord Rahl. But Darken Rahl didn�t view offspring the way you seem to. To him, there was his heir, and there were weeds. You are his heir; I am but one of his weeds. Formalities associated with conception were irrelevant to the Master of D�Hara. Women were... simply there to bring, him pleasure and to grow his seed. Ones who conceived inferior fruit-those without the gift-were barren soil, in his eyes. Even your mother, having produced his prized fruit, would have been no more important to him than the dirt in his most coveted orchard.�

Kahlan squeezed Richard�s hand. �Cara told me much the same. She said that Darken Rahl... that he eliminated those he found without the gift.�

Richard stiffened. �He killed my siblings?�

�Yes, Lord Rahl,� Cara said. �Not in a methodical fashion, but rather on whim, or ill mood.�

�I don�t know anything about his other children. I didn�t even know he was my father until last autumn. How is it that you�re alive?� he asked Drefan.

�My mother wasn�t...� Drefan paused, searching for an inoffensive way to put it. �She wasn�t treated as unfortunately as your cherished mother, Lord Rahl. My mother was a woman of ambition and cupidity. She saw our father as a means to gain status. As I have heard it told, she was fair of face and figure, and was one of a few who was called to his bed repeatedly. Most were not. Apparently, she succeeded in cultivating his... appetite for her charms. To put it bluntly, she was a talented whore. She hoped to be the one who bore him a gifted heir, so as to raise her status in his eyes to something more.

�She failed.� Drefan�s cheeks mantled. �She had me.�

�That may be a failure in her eyes,� Richard said in a quiet tone, �but not in the eyes of the good spirits. You are no less than I, in their eyes.�

The corners of Drefan�s mouth curled in a small smile. �Thank you. Lord Rahl. Very magnanimous of you to cede to the good spirits that which was always theirs. Not all men do. �In your wisdom we are humbled,�� he quoted from the devotion.

And there we go, the origin of Drefan. Okay, now time to skip ahead a bunch again since I don't have to pretend we're going to like him by book's end. For a non-mage, Drefan does quite a lot with pressure points and chi and poo poo, so maybe Ser Ponytail himself was on an eastern medicine kick for a bit. Anyway Drefan is supremely sexual!

quote:

With him standing right in front of her, she had to turn her eyes up lest she be forced to stare at his tight trousers. Kahlan watched his hands kneading hers-his fingers working over her flesh. She remembered his hand on Cara. She vividly recalled those strong fingers working their way down under Cara�s red leather and between her legs. Working into her. Kahlan abruptly jerked her hands away. �Thank you, that�s much better,� she lied.

In fact, I'm just going to come out and say it: this is probably the most overtly sexual novel in the series. I've been coy about how it's going to play into the climax of the novel, and even skipping ahead a bunch, I want to point out every single thing I'm quoting in this post is from one chapter. Because man, there is a lot of gently caress-talk.

quote:

With their wedding so soon. Kahlan and Richard had decided to wait, even though they had already been together once. That time seemed somehow unreal- in a place between worlds, in a place with no heat, no cold, no source of light, no ground, and yet they could see. and they had lain in dark space firm enough to support them.

More than anything, she remembered the feel of him. They had been the source of all heat. all light, all feeling, in that strange place between worlds where the good spirits had taken them.

She was feeling that heat. now, as she ran her hands over the muscles of his chest and stomach. She could hardly get her breath with the feel of his lips on her. She wanted his mouth everywhere on her. She wanted hers everywhere on him. She wanted him on the other side of her door.

�Richard,� she whispered in his ear, �please, stay with me tonight.� His hands were making her lose all sense of restraint.

�Kahlan, I thought...�

�Please. Richard. I want you in my bed. I want you in me.� He moaned helplessly at her words, and at her hands.

Blah blah blah they don't bang but hey, prophecy.

quote:

�I suppose. So he leads these healers?�

�Yes.� Cara said. �He is the High Priest of the Raug�Moss.�

�The what?� Richard whispered. �What did you call them?�

�The Raug�Moss, Lord Rahl.�

�Do you know the meaning of the words?�

Cara shrugged. �Just that it means �healers� that�s all. Does it have some meaning to you. Lord Rahl?�

�Where�s Berdine?�

�In her bed, I would suppose.�

Richard started down the hall, calling orders back to them as he went. �Cara, post a guard for the night around Kahlan�s room. Raina, go wake Berdine and ask her to meet me in my office.�

�Now, Lord Rahl?� Raina asked. �This late?�

�Yes, please.�

Richard took the steps two at a time on the way to his office where waited the journal, Kolo�s journal, written in High D�Haran. In High D�Haran, Raug�Moss meant �Divine Wind.�

Both Shota�s warning to Nadine for Richard, �the wind hunts him,� and the words from the prophecy down in the pit, �he must seek the remedy in the wind,� spun through his mind.

Next time: Zedd!

# ? Jun 24, 2015 23:35

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

the_steve posted:

And then right before she dies, when she suddenly undergoes that 180 personality shift and gets all petty and uberbitchy at Kahlan

For what it's worth, she is already doing that but I'm cutting it out. The reason Richard and Kahlan don't bang in the above quote is that Nadine comes in and goes "Oh, so it's cool if you gently caress him out of the blue, then?"

# ? Jun 24, 2015 23:36

Nihilarian: Oct 2, 2013

If I remember right, Richard just kind of immediately loses interest in Nadine after catching her with his brother. Not like, angry or hurt or wierded out because he isn't interested in her like that, just stops caring about her. It's been a while since I read it though.

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:26

TheCenturion: May 3, 2013; HI I LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS

Say, doesn't Naked Empire later retcon Rahl offspring to exactly one kid per Rahl has the gift, all the others are pristinely in gifted?

# ? Jun 26, 2015 11:19

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# ? May 16, 2024 12:26

Rebel Blob: Mar 1, 2008; Extinction for our time

I think I know Goodkind's favorite facial expression.

This is just from the relatively miniscule sections that have been posted to the tread.

quote:

She lifted an eyebrow to him.
Zedd raised an eyebrow.
He looked back to Richard and raised an eyebrow.
She gave him a meaningful look, lifting an eyebrow.
He lifted an eyebrow.
Zedd arched an eyebrow.
Kahlan turned to him and lifted an eyebrow.
The Bird Man raised an eyebrow.
She looked once more to the book, then glanced up, lifting an eyebrow.
She turned and arched an eyebrow.
She lifted an eyebrow.
She pulled the rod away and lifted an eyebrow.
She raised an eyebrow.
Zedd lifted an eyebrow as he nodded.
Chase lifted an eyebrow.
She lifted an eyebrow to him.
Richard lifted an eyebrow.
He lifted an eyebrow to her as he strutted past.
Richard lifted an eyebrow to the Prelate.
She lifted an eyebrow.
A sly smile touched her lips as she lifted an eyebrow over a cold, blue eye.
He lifted an eyebrow.
Cara�s eyebrow lifted.
He lifted a questioning eyebrow.
She lifted an eyebrow.
An eyebrow lifted over a blue eye.
Jagang lifted an eyebrow.
She arched an eyebrow over a dark, malevolent eye.
One eyebrow went up over a green eye.
An eyebrow lifted over one icy blue eye.
Kahlan lifted an eyebrow.

# ? Jun 28, 2015 21:07

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

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