ITT We live in a shitty Apt. Complex

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > ITT We live in a shitty Apt. Complex

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Ramrod Hotshot: May 30, 2003

Way too many of these exactly describe a 1BR I paid $750 for in Houston

# ? Aug 27, 2015 06:47

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# ? May 16, 2024 12:22

Ramrod Hotshot: May 30, 2003

I'm the maintenance man with methface whose junkie friends knock on your door to ask if I'm around

Ramrod Hotshot fucked around with this message at 06:58 on Aug 27, 2015

# ? Aug 27, 2015 06:51

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

Fojar38 posted:

congratulations you live in a silent hill game

when you wake up and your apartment is locked from the inside but a mysterious hole has appeared in your bathroom be sure to keep the forums updated

Don't go out!!

-Walter

Dumb poo poo maintenance crew close pantry door while paint is still wet. Door opens but rips off large strip of paint.

"Do not try to get rid of fleas by yourself. Call us so we can send our exterminator."

Exterminator is some college kid in a dress shirt and a ratty truck. Walks in with store bought can of raid to spray ground, then leaves.

Wicker Man fucked around with this message at 07:24 on Aug 27, 2015

# ? Aug 27, 2015 07:19

Howard Beale: Feb 22, 2001; It's like this, Peanut

*portuguese neighbors constantly shouting and cooking, entire apt and hallway smells like fish*

*downstairs portuguese neighbor goes out fishing and dies in boating accident*

*all the portuguese families in the complex band together and come to the aid of his wife and kids, their apartment now constantly busy full of people singing and shouting and dudes chain-smoking out on the porch steps and somebody always cooking fish*

*it's cool the family is being taken care of but who keeps burning the loving fish*

# ? Aug 27, 2015 07:47

JimsonTheBetrayer: Oct 13, 2010; Game's over, and fuck you Jimson. It's not my fault that you guys couldn't get your shit together by deadline. No one gets access to docs because I don't fucking care anymore, I hope you all enjoyed ruining my game, and there won't be another.

I had to put in a work order because my door wouldn't close. The door itself dry rotted away so if you so much as leaned on the door it would bow and slam open. Took them almost a week to come fix it, during that time I propped a chair against the door everyday before leaving and removed the windoe screen to push it away when coming back home.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 08:21

Steak: Dec 9, 2005; Pillbug

fell asleep witha pizza in the oven again

# ? Aug 27, 2015 09:46

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

very old neighbor with very young wife always wants to start a conversation with you when your husband's not around

neighbor blaring Autotune The News videos at 2 am

improv troupe frequently rehearsing in lobby

couple next door always fighting or loving, always loud

= $1400/month

# ? Aug 27, 2015 11:07

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Howard Beale posted:

*downstairs portuguese neighbor goes out fishing and dies in boating accident*

*it's cool the family is being taken care of but who keeps burning the loving fish*

The sea will pay for what it did

# ? Aug 27, 2015 12:09

SEX BURRITO: Jun 30, 2007; Not much fun

Steak posted:

fell asleep witha pizza in the oven again

This happened about three times a week when I lived in student flats. It'd either be bread left under the grill or a pan boiling dry. Either way, everyone gets woken by the alarm at 3AM.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:05

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

The square parquet flooring kept making me think I was playing the Sims when I was arranging my furniture after moving in.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:13

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

The brush pile that's stacked over the broken fence is now home to at least 30 types of venomous animal

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:16

Horniest Manticore: Nov 23, 2013; Hello, you!; Lipstick Apathy

Sudden Loud Noise posted:

Upstairs neighbor wakes up the entire building screaming bloody murder at 3 am.
We all run out and she screams that there is somebody in her apartment. A dozen of us comfort her, until she says that she "needs to be alone for a few minutes" so she walks into the dark parking lot alone, as we watch her door until the police arrive. The police go in, come out 5 minutes later, saying that nobody is in there, but the screen door to her balcony is busted.

so you not only interact with your neighbors but care about them? why?

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:48

Mr. Stingly: Sep 1, 2001; Satanic cop-killing henchman with a heart of gold

This is my favorite thread. I have no stories to share, I've never had to live in a lovely apt complex.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:49

OxMan: May 13, 2006; COME SEE
GRAVE DIGGER
LIVE AT MONSTER TRUCK JAM 2KXX

*Goes downstairs to grab phone charger, get stabbed in the chest twice by tweaker nortes from a diff. set*

*Comes back upstairs, has no medical insurance. Roommates go door to door trying to find supplies*

*Sew 2 stab wounds in bathroom with fishing line, a straight needle and super glue yourself*

*Go to work 2 days later, open a wound up, put self out of commission for a week, tell your boss what happened, boss is like gently caress man take the time off*

~fin

# ? Aug 27, 2015 16:49

NigelsPoppet: Jul 22, 2015

* Find out house gets broken into for the second time after getting back from winter break*

* creepy neighbor says you can stay with him for the weekend, literally has full set of medieval armor sitting in his living room along with framed poster of Sesame Street Characters*

*while attempting to sleep on couch, hear loud argument of couple next door with man screaming " I DONT GIVE A gently caress HOW MUCH I HAVE TO STEAL, IMMA GET IT HOW I LIVE"*

* next morning go to use toilet, neighbor did not lock door and is sitting completely naked taking a poo poo. Later tells me he thinks we should hang out and he knows some bars he thinks I would like*

# ? Aug 27, 2015 17:43

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

NigelsPoppet posted:

* Find out house gets broken into for the second time after getting back from winter break*

* creepy neighbor says you can stay with him for the weekend, literally has full set of medieval armor sitting in his living room along with framed poster of Sesame Street Characters*

*while attempting to sleep on couch, hear loud argument of couple next door with man screaming " I DONT GIVE A gently caress HOW MUCH I HAVE TO STEAL, IMMA GET IT HOW I LIVE"*

* next morning go to use toilet, neighbor did not lock door and is sitting completely naked taking a poo poo. Later tells me he thinks we should hang out and he knows some bars he thinks I would like*

so do you want to hang out with me or not

# ? Aug 27, 2015 17:45

Fur20: Nov 14, 2007; すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

OxMan posted:

*Go to work 2 days later, open a wound up, put self out of commission for a week, tell your boss what happened, boss is like gently caress man take the time off*

what's it like to live in a place with worker protection laws? :allears:

# ? Aug 27, 2015 18:54

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

The place I used to live wasn't that bad, it was clean and had a working elevator. One morning I'm in the elevator and wall has an odd texture that catches the light. There's a spot that is sort of foamy and crusty half way up the wall and it . . . Oh god some dude peed in the elevator last night!

The phantom pisser then haunted the elevator for months. Did he think it was funny? Did he come home from a long night of beer guzzling and just couldn't make it to his own bathroom? The building had a lot of mentally ill people, did he think the elevator was a bathroom? I never found out.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:02

iroguebot: Feb 15, 2001; Nerf this!

tater_salad posted:

50 units, 30 cars in parking lot, only 5 leave for 8 hours a day.

This is correct for me as well.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:04

ClothHat: Mar 2, 2005; ASK ME ABOUT MY LOVE OF THE LUMPEN-GOBLITARIAT
protip: trust no links I post

I'm the guy repossessing your neighbors car at 2AM. Just gonna clank these chains around for 45 minutes or so, and if you tell me to shut up I'm going to wave a tire iron around.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:05

Mister Speaker: May 8, 2007; WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR

For a living, downstairs neighbour makes dog treats out of beef liver and chicken feet in a series of dehydrators. Outside front door smells terrible, constantly.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:09

Bacontotem: May 27, 2010

Rain water drain breaks. Owner instead puts a series of trash cans to collect water instead. Racoons knock over full trash cans of water and flood the first floor with rancid rain water. Owner doesn't do anything but reset the trash cans.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:11

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

actually my apartment complex loving owns and I love it but they keep raising the rent on it and I dont know how much more im willing to pay to live in it.

but in unit washer dryer :newfap:

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:11

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

I'm the nightmare stairwell light fixture filled with thousands of dead bugs

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:22

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

*dishes come out of dishwasher inexplicably covered in sand*

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:31

buddhanc: Feb 16, 2010

*bears and moose regularly walk through my parking lot at night to get to the river by the mountain

*scared to go to car at night as a result

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:36

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

I'm the nightmare stairwell light fixture filled with thousands of dead bugs

My neighbor and I across the way had a situation that could be used to teach game theory. The complex was right next to a lake, and had a lot of flying bugs. If one of us removed his porch lightbulb there would be less bugs by his door, but if we both removed it it would be too dark to see the stairs.

I eventually just relied on my by then heightened night vision.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 19:42

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Nooner posted:

actually my apartment complex loving owns and I love it but they keep raising the rent on it and I dont know how much more im willing to pay to live in it.

but in unit washer dryer

rent control owns. maximum rent increase per year is 65% of the CPI, which of course is under-represented since inflation has been way more than 1.6% or w/e the past decade

# ? Aug 27, 2015 20:22

Bean: Sep 9, 2001

I once had a mouse problem (they were actually pretty cute, but gently caress them pooping in my kitchen), so I called the landlord. He was like, "yeah, there's also a raccoon in the building, so if you hear an animal running around inside your walls, that's him."

There were also 1000 people living across the hall. I'm not Queen Noise of the Decibel Brigade, but they were seriously obnoxious, so I called the landlord again. He got the number reduced to 990, at least.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 20:31

Blue Raider: Sep 2, 2006

my theory is that apartment quality is an inverse correlation to how many children live there

# ? Aug 27, 2015 20:35

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Blue Raider posted:

my theory is that apartment quality is an inverse correlation to how many children live there

ya thats true for hotels and stuff too. basically kill all children

suburbs exist for a reason folks, go move out there with your lovely kids

# ? Aug 27, 2015 20:45

Sudden Loud Noise: Feb 18, 2007

Horniest Manticore posted:

so you not only interact with your neighbors but care about them? why?

To be fair to my inhumanity; the first scream woke me up, and instantly annoyed me. The second scream made it clear she wasn't going to shut up, so I needed to go and see why I wasn't going to be allowed to go back to sleep. Then it was a community game of six guys thinking "Our girlfriends/wives are going to be PISSED if we leave this girl alone." Then it turned into, "This chick seems crazy, let's see if the police agree with us."

Then Silent Hill.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 20:46

is pepsi ok: Oct 23, 2002

*walks dog every day on what is clearly astroturf sitting on top of concrete*

*takes the effort to bag the dog poo poo, but not the effort to throw it in the trash 5 feet away and leaves it on the ground*

# ? Aug 27, 2015 21:11

Neitherman: Sep 25, 2006; _{He will die without safety brief.}

Zeroisanumber posted:

"SHUT-UP LITTLE MAN!"

# ? Aug 27, 2015 21:12

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

*tapes angry messages to landlord in elevator*

*landlord tapes up response below*

# ? Aug 27, 2015 21:19

SEX BURRITO: Jun 30, 2007; Not much fun

*gets used to the constant muffled bass from next door.*
*moves to a better home and gets freaked out by the silence*

# ? Aug 27, 2015 21:32

liquorlanche: Sep 10, 2014

*Friend walks into dark apartment. Flips the switch just to the right of the front door. TV cable box/digital clock/oven LED time displays all shut off, at once.* "Whoops, sorry!" *flips it back on and it's fuckin midnight all up in this bitch.*

*Analog/mechanical microwave with a dial instead of keypad. Makes a ding sound, instead of 3 beeps when food is ready*

*power outlet located 2 feet from the ceiling.*

*neighbor's roof collapses from couple upstairs flooding the bathroom. "Cleanup crew" is a single Hispanic man with a mop and bucket.*

Closet? No no, see that pipe running from wall to wall, across your bedroom? It's smaller than the hooks on coat hangers.

lol @ the thought of even checking to see if the bathtub drain-plug toggle works. Just because it's a tub doesn't mean you get the option of taking a bath.

One does not simply turn on the air conditioner before assessing what other electronics are currently running.

And last, but not least, my personal favorite...

*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*
*BEEP!*...........................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*............................................................................................................................................................................*BEEP!*

Like a fuckin ventriloquist. Just when you think you've found the one you need to smash, in order to make it stop, you hear another beep from a different hallway/floor.

liquorlanche fucked around with this message at 22:37 on Aug 27, 2015

# ? Aug 27, 2015 22:12

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

cabinet drawer doesn't open all the way because it hits the oven handle

# ? Aug 27, 2015 22:16

Mental Hospitality: Jan 5, 2011

Controlled Access = people always propping the entrance open to let their friends in. Homeless man sleeping in his urine in the hallway again.

Free heat = ancient boiler fed radiant heat that has 2 settings (broken and way too hot).

Secure parking = some man sleeps in a security vehicle while your car gets broken into, again.

Park-like Setting = cigarette butts, liquor bottles, and other garbage litter the grounds.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 22:34

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# ? May 16, 2024 12:22

Shumagorath: Jun 6, 2001

liquorlanche posted:

*Friend walks into dark apartment. Flips the switch just to the right of the front door. TV cable box/digital clock/oven LED time displays all shut off, at once.* "Whoops, sorry!" *flips it back on and it's fuckin midnight all up in this bitch.*

I forgot about that. "We couldn't be bothered to wire up lights other than the one immediately above your door, so make sure you only plug lamps into certain outlets!!"

# ? Aug 27, 2015 22:34

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