Sammus posted:

Every terrible stereotype about the south is true, and then some.

Has this been posted yet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKcJ-0bAHB4

Darth123123 posted:

for USA

Sammus posted:

Every terrible stereotype about the south is true, and then some.

Has this been posted yet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKcJ-0bAHB4

HoAssHo posted:

Checks for hotdogs

Drad_Bert posted:

Drad_Bert posted:

Drad_Bert posted:

"Did you enjoy your lobster," asked Doobie . "It was d-liscious," said his wife Tasha. As they do every year on their anniversary Doobie took his wife Tasha out to a fancy French restaurant and got her drunk on champagne. Doobie had looked forward to this for a long time since it was one day he was guaranteed sex. "So Tasha, are you ready to do it?," Doobie said with a smile. "Come on let's go to the bedroom," Tasha said.

Tasha trudged over to the bedroom stripped naked, laid on the bed, and spread her legs. "Honey, before you gently caress me how about a little foreplay, eat me out or something." said Tasha. "Ha-ha," laughed Doobie, "Don't be ridiculous. Do you know who invented eating pussy? The French, that's who. And I am not about to eat pussy like some human being Frenchman. Now get ready for what's coming."

Doobie undressed slowly. Tasha watched in disgust as her overweight husband's man bosoms and belly came into sight. Doobie then took of his pants exposing his 3 ½ inch wiener. "Yup, you married one sexy man Tasha," said Doobie admiring his body which he kept shaved hairless below the neck. Doobie climbed up getting into position. He then thrust forward several times missing Tasha's beaver and hitting her thigh. "Ohhhhh Gawwwwwd!," Doobie shouted in ecstasy as he blew his load all over Tasha's leg.

After that Doobie rolled off of Tasha and quickly fell asleep. Tasha cleaned her self up and went to the kitchen. She was so frustrated that she grabbed a bottle of Wild Turkey from the liquor cabinet and started taking shots. She was fed up with Doobies gross appearance, poor performance in bed, and most of all his small penis. She had had enough it was there she decided she was going to have an affair.

The next day was just another day as usual. Tasha cooked dogs and coleslaw for Doobie and then sent him off to work . After she had finished cleaning up she grabbed her keys to drive to the grocery store. About half way to the store however Tasha realized she didn't have her purse so she turned back. She didn't make any noise as she entered the house and when she looked in the den what she saw surprised her.

It was Ralp, and he was jacking off to a porno. Tasha's jaw dropped from what she saw. Ralp's cock must have been ten inches long and thick too. He was just sitting there jacking off to a scene of a guy having sex with Siamese twins. Tasha was instantly wet and without thinking her hand moved up her skirt and she was rubbing her pussy. Ralp tensed up and ejaculated all over the couch. The sight was to much for Tasha and she came like a banshee screaming for dear life. Then she fainted.

"What's going on Tasha?," asked Ralp. Tashaslowly opened her eyes seeing Ralp standing over her naked. She began to blush from embarrassment and arousal. "I am so sorry. It's just I have never seen a cock like that in my life." '"Really," smirked Mike, " Doobie doesn't do it for you in bed." '"God no Doobie is terrible. He has a teeny tiny dick, won't eat pussy, and can't last 5 seconds without cumming, and and…,"Tashabegan to cry. "That's awful. I recon we oughta teach Doobie a lesson." said Ralp. "Really" said Tasha. "Really" Ralp said.

That evening Doobie came walking in through the door when out of nowhere someone threw a sack over his head. "Wha-ha," Doobie shouted. He was in complete shock. The unseen assailant then punched Doobie in the stomach hard sending him to the ground. He tried to reach for the sack that was blinding him but some one looped a rope around his neck and started strangling him. Doobie blacked out.

When Doobie came to he was naked, tied to a chair, and still had a sack over his head. He heard snickering. "What the gently caress is going on here. You assholes better let me go or I am going to kill you," shouted Doobie. Ralp walked over and pulled the sack off Doobie's head. "Oh my God!," Doobie said stunned. He could not believe what he saw; his wife was naked and making out with A Starwars Betamax who was also naked and Ralp was standing there laughing also naked. '"Tasha how could you," Doobie said shocked. Tasha answered him, "Just shut the gently caress you worthless tird. I have needs that have never been satisfied and now you can watch how real men with normal sized penises and urethras gently caress." "But Tasha," Doobie began to blubber.

Instantly a smack caught him in the side of the head. Ralp said, "You don't do or say anything unless you are told or I'll hurt you bad. Do you understand?" Doobie nodded his head yes. "Okay A Starwars Betamax why don't you show this bitch what you've got," laughed Ralp. "With pleasure," said A Starwars Betamax . Tasha grabbed A Starwars Betamax 's dick and started rubbing it to erection. "Oh my," Tasha was amazed by it's size it was even longer than Ralp's and as wide as her forearm. His scrotum looked like a deflated football. "How big is it?" "Fifteen inches and I'm going to make you take it all."

A Starwars Betamax started loving Tasha like an animal. He hosed her hard with long gently caress strokes loving his cock in her all the way to the balls. 'I watched on in horror for what seemed like an eternity as Tasha had one screaming orgasm after another. 'After about two hours of loving and more orgasms than Doobie could count A Starwars Betamax let out a grunt and filled Tasha with his nut juice. When he pulled out Doobie could see what looked like gallons of semen leaking from his wife cooze.

Ralp started untighing Doobie. "All right Doobie. I hope your hungry," he laughed. "Oh God! No, you want me to eat Tasha's oval office with all that cum in it. No loving way!" Doobie made his way for the door but A Starwars Betamax punched him in the side of the head making him fall to the ground. "I warned you," said Ralp. A Starwars Betamax held Doobie down while Ralp walked over and began rummaging through Tasha's closet. He found what he was looking for; a pin cushion. Ralp pulled a long thin needle from the pin cushion. "Doobie I think its about time I did something about you're narrow urethra," said Ralp. "You wouldn't," begged Doobie. Tasha chimed in, "Do it Ralp. This is payback for years of crappy narrow urethra sex." Doobie started screaming at the top of his lungs trying to escape A Starwars Betamax 's grip but it was no use, he was to weak compared to the forums moderator. Ralp slowly inserted the long needle down Doobies urethra blood started coming out as the needle hit the other end. Doobie gave up struggling and just started crying. "Funny thing about these needles. They're very brittle. If you try to bend them they just snap," said Ralp. Doobie looked on in horror as Ralp reached down and grabbed his dick. Ralp began bending Doobie's dick with the needle still in it and sure enough the needle broke into shards piercing the insides of Doobie's miniscule digit. Doobie screamed again and passed out from the pain.

When Doobie came to A Starwars Betamax , Ralp, and Tasha were all doubled over in laughter and his genitals were soaked in his own blood. "So bitch are you ready to clean up Starwars splooge," asked Tasha. "Yes. I'll do anything just please don't hurt me any more." said Doobie. Doobie crawled up between Jenny's legs and began cleaning her pussy with his mouth. 'It was disgusting. There must have been cups of semen in her oval office and it smelled and tasted so bad I thought I might puke. 'Some one entered the room from behind Doobie just as he was finished.

"Knock Knock." It was Sammy Doobie's neighbor. "Hiya Doobie. Guess what? I'm going to be you're videographer," said Sammy as he began setting up a camera on a tripod. '"This is so cool now we are both cuckolds Doobie." 'Sammy looked around. "Aw heck. Did I miss the feeding?" "Yah you did. But don't worry I have an idea. Sammy start filming. Ralp, A Starwars Betamax hold Doobie down." ordered Tasha. The men all did as they were told. Tashathen squatted over Doobie's face and started grunting. '"Open your mouth Doobie" said Tasha. Doobie did as he was told. A moment later a big brown turd began coming out of Tasha's anus and slid right into Doobie's mouth."Suck that chili right outta that hole" Doobie thought about spitting it out but didn't because he knew what the consequences would be. Doobie was already chewing and swallowing the poo poo before Tasha was all the way done. Doobie thought he was done when Tasha announced, "after all that fudge you must be thirsty Doobie how about some fresh squeezed lemonade to wash it down." Tashabegan pissing into Doobie's mouth making him drink all her urine.

After Tasha finished A Starwars Betamax and Ralp took turns first making GBS threads in and then pissing in Doobie's mouth. Doobie had so much human feces and urine in him that his stomach was stretched out like he had just eaten thanksgiving dinner. Doobie rolled over and vomited some of it back up on the floor. "Oh my god Doobie that's loving disgusting. Were you raised in a barn." said Tasha. "I'm sorry" said Doobie. "Well start cleaning it up gently caress head," shouted A Starwars Betamax . Doobie got down on his knees and started eating the vomited poo poo back up. It took all his strength not to vomit again. Ralp took Doobie and tied him back up to the chair.

"I don't know about you guys but all this excitement has me horny," said Ralp as he started to get undressed. "Hey A Starwars Betamax how about we do a three way this time you take Tasha's butt ill take her poon." Tasha said in a sultry voice, "Ooo, that sounds hot. I never let Doobie put his wieney in my butt." Sammy shouted in, "this'll look great on video. How about I add some background music?" "Good idea do it," said Ralp. Sammy went over to the radio and switched on Trivisano. Doobie started shouting, "Oh God no. Not Trivisano. I hate Trivisano. He sucks. I only like the Maxwell show." Ralp said, "shut up Doobie or I'll cut your cock off," as he began loving Tasha's oval office. "I don't care this show sucks cut my dick off if you want but please change it to the Maxwell show." 'Everyone ignored Doobie as he started foaming at the mouth. 'The camera focused in on Tashagetting pounded at both ends. Tashawas in ecstasy Ralp and A Starwars Betamax were loving in unison. "It's all the empty headed loser Democrats that keep electing cigarette thieves like Art Modell to public office." That was all Tasha had to hear her pussy and anus both started convulsing as she had the most powerful orgasm of her life. That got Ralp and A Starwars Betamax going and they both started cumming as well filling both her holes.

"Wingo," said Sammy, "that was awesome. We should put this on utube." "Good idea," said A Starwars Betamax . Doobie was incredibly embarrassed. Sammy showed the video to everyone in Reform, A Starwars Betamax showed the video on GBS, and the video became number one on you tube. 'It was viewed so many times Leno even showed it on The Tonight Show. Irregardless of all the embarrassment caused by the incident Doobie was happy because he knew he had learned a valuable lesson.

The End

Chill la Chill posted:

So I read this whole thing. Who's Mike?

OctoberBlues posted:

All those people getting mad about someone reporting a yelp review was pretty funny imo. Like, I don't care either way, but the fact that people cared enough to reply and call the person dumb is very amusing.

Drad_Bert posted:

"Did you enjoy your lobster," asked Doobie . "It was d-liscious," said his wife Tasha. As they do every year on their anniversary Doobie took his wife Tasha out to a fancy French restaurant and got her drunk on champagne. Doobie had looked forward to this for a long time since it was one day he was guaranteed sex. "So Tasha, are you ready to do it?," Doobie said with a smile. "Come on let's go to the bedroom," Tasha said.

Tasha trudged over to the bedroom stripped naked, laid on the bed, and spread her legs. "Honey, before you gently caress me how about a little foreplay, eat me out or something." said Tasha. "Ha-ha," laughed Doobie, "Don't be ridiculous. Do you know who invented eating pussy? The French, that's who. And I am not about to eat pussy like some human being Frenchman. Now get ready for what's coming."

Doobie undressed slowly. Tasha watched in disgust as her overweight husband's man bosoms and belly came into sight. Doobie then took of his pants exposing his 3 ½ inch wiener. "Yup, you married one sexy man Tasha," said Doobie admiring his body which he kept shaved hairless below the neck. Doobie climbed up getting into position. He then thrust forward several times missing Tasha's beaver and hitting her thigh. "Ohhhhh Gawwwwwd!," Doobie shouted in ecstasy as he blew his load all over Tasha's leg.

After that Doobie rolled off of Tasha and quickly fell asleep. Tasha cleaned her self up and went to the kitchen. She was so frustrated that she grabbed a bottle of Wild Turkey from the liquor cabinet and started taking shots. She was fed up with Doobies gross appearance, poor performance in bed, and most of all his small penis. She had had enough it was there she decided she was going to have an affair.

The next day was just another day as usual. Tasha cooked dogs and coleslaw for Doobie and then sent him off to work . After she had finished cleaning up she grabbed her keys to drive to the grocery store. About half way to the store however Tasha realized she didn't have her purse so she turned back. She didn't make any noise as she entered the house and when she looked in the den what she saw surprised her.

It was Ralp, and he was jacking off to a porno. Tasha's jaw dropped from what she saw. Ralp's cock must have been ten inches long and thick too. He was just sitting there jacking off to a scene of a guy having sex with Siamese twins. Tasha was instantly wet and without thinking her hand moved up her skirt and she was rubbing her pussy. Ralp tensed up and ejaculated all over the couch. The sight was to much for Tasha and she came like a banshee screaming for dear life. Then she fainted.

"What's going on Tasha?," asked Ralp. Tashaslowly opened her eyes seeing Ralp standing over her naked. She began to blush from embarrassment and arousal. "I am so sorry. It's just I have never seen a cock like that in my life." '"Really," smirked Mike, " Doobie doesn't do it for you in bed." '"God no Doobie is terrible. He has a teeny tiny dick, won't eat pussy, and can't last 5 seconds without cumming, and and…,"Tashabegan to cry. "That's awful. I recon we oughta teach Doobie a lesson." said Ralp. "Really" said Tasha. "Really" Ralp said.

That evening Doobie came walking in through the door when out of nowhere someone threw a sack over his head. "Wha-ha," Doobie shouted. He was in complete shock. The unseen assailant then punched Doobie in the stomach hard sending him to the ground. He tried to reach for the sack that was blinding him but some one looped a rope around his neck and started strangling him. Doobie blacked out.

When Doobie came to he was naked, tied to a chair, and still had a sack over his head. He heard snickering. "What the gently caress is going on here. You assholes better let me go or I am going to kill you," shouted Doobie. Ralp walked over and pulled the sack off Doobie's head. "Oh my God!," Doobie said stunned. He could not believe what he saw; his wife was naked and making out with A Starwars Betamax who was also naked and Ralp was standing there laughing also naked. '"Tasha how could you," Doobie said shocked. Tasha answered him, "Just shut the gently caress you worthless tird. I have needs that have never been satisfied and now you can watch how real men with normal sized penises and urethras gently caress." "But Tasha," Doobie began to blubber.

Instantly a smack caught him in the side of the head. Ralp said, "You don't do or say anything unless you are told or I'll hurt you bad. Do you understand?" Doobie nodded his head yes. "Okay A Starwars Betamax why don't you show this bitch what you've got," laughed Ralp. "With pleasure," said A Starwars Betamax . Tasha grabbed A Starwars Betamax 's dick and started rubbing it to erection. "Oh my," Tasha was amazed by it's size it was even longer than Ralp's and as wide as her forearm. His scrotum looked like a deflated football. "How big is it?" "Fifteen inches and I'm going to make you take it all."

A Starwars Betamax started loving Tasha like an animal. He hosed her hard with long gently caress strokes loving his cock in her all the way to the balls. 'I watched on in horror for what seemed like an eternity as Tasha had one screaming orgasm after another. 'After about two hours of loving and more orgasms than Doobie could count A Starwars Betamax let out a grunt and filled Tasha with his nut juice. When he pulled out Doobie could see what looked like gallons of semen leaking from his wife cooze.

Ralp started untighing Doobie. "All right Doobie. I hope your hungry," he laughed. "Oh God! No, you want me to eat Tasha's oval office with all that cum in it. No loving way!" Doobie made his way for the door but A Starwars Betamax punched him in the side of the head making him fall to the ground. "I warned you," said Ralp. A Starwars Betamax held Doobie down while Ralp walked over and began rummaging through Tasha's closet. He found what he was looking for; a pin cushion. Ralp pulled a long thin needle from the pin cushion. "Doobie I think its about time I did something about you're narrow urethra," said Ralp. "You wouldn't," begged Doobie. Tasha chimed in, "Do it Ralp. This is payback for years of crappy narrow urethra sex." Doobie started screaming at the top of his lungs trying to escape A Starwars Betamax 's grip but it was no use, he was to weak compared to the forums moderator. Ralp slowly inserted the long needle down Doobies urethra blood started coming out as the needle hit the other end. Doobie gave up struggling and just started crying. "Funny thing about these needles. They're very brittle. If you try to bend them they just snap," said Ralp. Doobie looked on in horror as Ralp reached down and grabbed his dick. Ralp began bending Doobie's dick with the needle still in it and sure enough the needle broke into shards piercing the insides of Doobie's miniscule digit. Doobie screamed again and passed out from the pain.

When Doobie came to A Starwars Betamax , Ralp, and Tasha were all doubled over in laughter and his genitals were soaked in his own blood. "So bitch are you ready to clean up Starwars splooge," asked Tasha. "Yes. I'll do anything just please don't hurt me any more." said Doobie. Doobie crawled up between Jenny's legs and began cleaning her pussy with his mouth. 'It was disgusting. There must have been cups of semen in her oval office and it smelled and tasted so bad I thought I might puke. 'Some one entered the room from behind Doobie just as he was finished.

"Knock Knock." It was Sammy Doobie's neighbor. "Hiya Doobie. Guess what? I'm going to be you're videographer," said Sammy as he began setting up a camera on a tripod. '"This is so cool now we are both cuckolds Doobie." 'Sammy looked around. "Aw heck. Did I miss the feeding?" "Yah you did. But don't worry I have an idea. Sammy start filming. Ralp, A Starwars Betamax hold Doobie down." ordered Tasha. The men all did as they were told. Tashathen squatted over Doobie's face and started grunting. '"Open your mouth Doobie" said Tasha. Doobie did as he was told. A moment later a big brown turd began coming out of Tasha's anus and slid right into Doobie's mouth."Suck that chili right outta that hole" Doobie thought about spitting it out but didn't because he knew what the consequences would be. Doobie was already chewing and swallowing the poo poo before Tasha was all the way done. Doobie thought he was done when Tasha announced, "after all that fudge you must be thirsty Doobie how about some fresh squeezed lemonade to wash it down." Tashabegan pissing into Doobie's mouth making him drink all her urine.

After Tasha finished A Starwars Betamax and Ralp took turns first making GBS threads in and then pissing in Doobie's mouth. Doobie had so much human feces and urine in him that his stomach was stretched out like he had just eaten thanksgiving dinner. Doobie rolled over and vomited some of it back up on the floor. "Oh my god Doobie that's loving disgusting. Were you raised in a barn." said Tasha. "I'm sorry" said Doobie. "Well start cleaning it up gently caress head," shouted A Starwars Betamax . Doobie got down on his knees and started eating the vomited poo poo back up. It took all his strength not to vomit again. Ralp took Doobie and tied him back up to the chair.

"I don't know about you guys but all this excitement has me horny," said Ralp as he started to get undressed. "Hey A Starwars Betamax how about we do a three way this time you take Tasha's butt ill take her poon." Tasha said in a sultry voice, "Ooo, that sounds hot. I never let Doobie put his wieney in my butt." Sammy shouted in, "this'll look great on video. How about I add some background music?" "Good idea do it," said Ralp. Sammy went over to the radio and switched on Trivisano. Doobie started shouting, "Oh God no. Not Trivisano. I hate Trivisano. He sucks. I only like the Maxwell show." Ralp said, "shut up Doobie or I'll cut your cock off," as he began loving Tasha's oval office. "I don't care this show sucks cut my dick off if you want but please change it to the Maxwell show." 'Everyone ignored Doobie as he started foaming at the mouth. 'The camera focused in on Tashagetting pounded at both ends. Tashawas in ecstasy Ralp and A Starwars Betamax were loving in unison. "It's all the empty headed loser Democrats that keep electing cigarette thieves like Art Modell to public office." That was all Tasha had to hear her pussy and anus both started convulsing as she had the most powerful orgasm of her life. That got Ralp and A Starwars Betamax going and they both started cumming as well filling both her holes.

"Wingo," said Sammy, "that was awesome. We should put this on utube." "Good idea," said A Starwars Betamax . Doobie was incredibly embarrassed. Sammy showed the video to everyone in Reform, A Starwars Betamax showed the video on GBS, and the video became number one on you tube. 'It was viewed so many times Leno even showed it on The Tonight Show. Irregardless of all the embarrassment caused by the incident Doobie was happy because he knew he had learned a valuable lesson.

The End

bradzilla posted:

no one is going to read this you stupid gently caress

Applecross WC. posted:

Haha Americans still use cheques?

vyst posted:

Lol that's some long rear end fan fiction

Drad_Bert posted:

"Did you enjoy your lobster," asked Doobie . "It was d-liscious," said his wife Tasha. As they do every year on their anniversary Doobie took his wife Tasha out to a fancy French restaurant and got her drunk on champagne. Doobie had looked forward to this for a long time since it was one day he was guaranteed sex. "So Tasha, are you ready to do it?," Doobie said with a smile. "Come on let's go to the bedroom," Tasha said.

The End

CrashCat posted:

Mike is the guy who cucked someone in Cleveland in this story before that bad frogger hosed up the search and replace

UnwiseTrout posted:

Jenny makes a surprise appearance too.

tripwood posted:

i dreamt that me and a bunch of my friends went down on a road trip to Doobie's to ironically order his weird poo poo and not eat it. Doob was not amused and threatened to call the cops cause we were bringing our own food to eat at his stand. classic Doob dream.

tripwood posted:

i dreamt that me and a bunch of my friends went down on a road trip to Doobie's to ironically order his weird poo poo and not eat it. Doob was not amused and threatened to call the cops cause we were bringing our own food to eat at his stand. classic Doob dream.

CrashCat posted:

except now Doob doesn't even work there half the time and you could probably do whatever in front of the poor sap that he managed to convince to work for peanuts

BigBadSteve posted:

"Really," smirked Mike, "Doobie doesn't do it for you in bed."