|
I have a lot of doors not actually attached to anything, just propped up against the wall. Which doors are real? Sometimes even I forget. This one's not so much a home defense tip as it is a decorating one.
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:06
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 02:59 |
|
|
Did you ever read that book The House of Leaves? Do that. I mean, I never read the book but there's a cursed house in it... I assume. Anyway the point is put a curse on your house so it become evil and confusing.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:08
|
|
|
Kakarot posted:I start farting when I get nervous I think amy schumer stole this joke from you
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:08
|
|
|
Parallax Scroll posted:buy a sniper rifle so you can take out any suspicious looking people before they get anywhere near your home That's good. But now you need a good field of vision. You should climb a clocktower like that one in Austin, Texas.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:13
|
|
|
Line all your walls and floors with thermite rigged to a button you keep under your pillow. If you hear someone breaking in, hit the button.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:23
|
|
|
Applewhite, are you a home defense expert? Can you come out to my place and do a consultation?
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:29
|
|
|
EXTREME INSERTION posted:Get a dog A bunch of ducks might work better because if theyre serious about robbing you or are assassins a dog will make them rush you but if a bunch of ducks or whatever were disturbed theyd try to be more quiet
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:32
|
|
|
ChrisHansen posted:Applewhite, are you a home defense expert? Can you come out to my place and do a consultation? I'm a lone pretentious pervert if you need help with that. I also pierce ears. Let me into your house to pierce ears, your own or a family member's. I do not use a gun.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:35
|
|
|
ChrisHansen posted:Applewhite, are you a home defense expert? Can you come out to my place and do a consultation? For a nominal fee I can actually break into your house and steal your possessions. I will leave behind a detailed diagram of how I did it and the security gaps which need to be addressed.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:41
|
|
|
I.C. posted:I'm a lone pretentious pervert if you need help with that. I also pierce ears. Let me into your house to pierce ears, your own or a family member's. I do not use a gun. Why would you think that just because OP wants me to come over to his house he's interested in the services of a pretentious perver..... ooohhh. I see. Nevermind.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:43
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:For a nominal fee I can actually break into your house and steal your possessions. I will leave behind a detailed diagram of how I did it and the security gaps which need to be addressed. there was a reality show that did this and after the guys hit them once and told them how to keep from getting robbed they wait like a week and break in to the house again just to see if they can and usually the owners completely ignored their advice
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:47
|
|
|
Good thread
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:52
|
|
|
Anyone have strategies for camouflaging punji sticks?
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 20:54
|
|
|
ChrisHansen posted:Anyone have strategies for camouflaging punji sticks? Yes, my home ear-piercing business is basically this.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 21:00
|
|
|
ChrisHansen posted:Anyone have strategies for camouflaging punji sticks? Poop
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 21:26
|
|
|
One word, OP: Plastics.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 21:29
|
|
|
Hire former World Champion Wrestler Ric Flair to stand in your door way and go "Woo" whenever someone tries to come in
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 21:43
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:One word, OP: I never graduated.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 21:47
|
|
|
ChrisHansen posted:I never graduated. If you have bamboo chopsticks, a lighter, a sharp knife, rubbing alcohol, and a little tenacity you can make yourself a degree.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 21:51
|
|
|
Take a 20" threaded steel rod, 1 1/2lbs of lead, and a roll of duct tape. Melt the lead in a short cylindrical mould (an empty aerosol can is perfect), then insert the end of the threaded steel rod into the molten lead and allow it to set. Carefully peel the mould off once it has cooled (be careful, it stays hot for a long time), then wrap duct tape around the other end to act as a grip. I'd advise drilling the end of the handle as well to attach a lanyard. Smaller and cheaper than a Katana, and also makes a great doorstop. Just make it in a well-ventilated space, as huffing molten lead fumes is not good for you.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 22:26
|
|
|
ChrisHansen posted:Anyone have strategies for camouflaging punji sticks? You can put a carpet over it or else just find real punji instead of trying to camouflage sticks.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 22:34
|
|
|
I put old paint cans full of pennies carefully placed on a edge of a chair placed by the door to my basement. Then I have trip wire on the top step of my stairway. Then shotgun shell landmines with old pie plates.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 22:47
|
|
|
amityville anus posted:You can put a carpet over it or else just find real punji instead of trying to camouflage sticks. Wait, punji or Punjabi?
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 22:48
|
|
|
Ok I went to the hardware store and bought a bunch of wire and nails. I used the wire to tie three nails criss-cross-applesauce. I fulled a five gallon bucket with these so now before I go to bed at night, I just dump out the suckers in the hallway outside my room. Nobody's gonna get me from there! I also rigged up a handy dandy collection tool (a magnet on a string) to clear a path if I have to go potty in the middle of the night.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2016 23:20
|
|
|
Burmese Tiger Trap in the kitchen, they might get all your valuables but god dammit they won't get your food.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 00:43
|
|
|
get a second fake house as a decoy
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 00:44
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Did you ever read that book The House of Leaves? Build your house out of leaves the perfect camouflage
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 03:39
|
|
|
Buy 3 bloodthirsty pit bulls, and coherently tattoo numbers "1", " 2" and "4" on them.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 04:06
|
|
|
When someone breaks in, do two pushups and say "nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, ten thousand!" Jump up and give a couple of air punches. Then pretend to notice the intruders. Smile slowly. Strike a kung-fu pose.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 04:26
|
|
|
Zahgaegun posted:When someone breaks in, do two pushups and say "nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, ten thousand!" Jump up and give a couple of air punches. Then pretend to notice the intruders. Smile slowly. Strike a kung-fu pose. Litter yiur house with phone books that look like theyve been ripped in half
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 04:33
|
|
|
Become a hoarder and strategically barricade all entrances and exits (and everything in between) with stacks of old newspapers, used toilet paper, piss jugs and dead cats. Nobody robs a hoarder! Bonus: your friends( hahahah you don't have any) and family will stop visiting you, leaving more time for watching anime and playing WoW.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 04:49
|
|
|
I hear if you donate like 100k to Star Citizen on kickstarter, you will be provided a real life replica of StarFucker 200 MKII spaceship once the game ships. Protected by powerful arrays of auto-lasers and unbreakable doors built to withstand the vacuum of space, you will never have to worry about a home invasion.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 04:54
|
|
|
Zahgaegun posted:When someone breaks in, do two pushups and say "nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, ten thousand!" Jump up and give a couple of air punches. Then pretend to notice the intruders. Smile slowly. Strike a kung-fu pose.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 04:58
|
|
|
I have stockpiles of armaments and I cordially invite thieves to attempt to B&E and try to take my stuff. Imagine how horned up I'll be after painting a wall with your poo poo. God, I need to go whack it, thinking about killing again makes me hard.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 05:01
|
|
|
Contract Grover to build you a haus, when the load bearing doorway is opened the house collapses trapping the intruder
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 05:03
|
|
|
Rack your gun like 6 or 7 times so they think you have at least 6 or 7 seven guns.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 05:04
|
|
|
Use your smartphone to play The Jaws Theme through your sound system so any home invader thinks he is about to get eaten by a shark and run away
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 05:06
|
|
|
Two words: clown room
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 05:07
|
|
|
satanic splash-back posted:Rack your gun like 6 or 7 times so they think you have at least 6 or 7 seven guns.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 05:09
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 02:59 |
|
|
This video will teach you how to clear your home of intruders, room--by-room. Apparently it helps if you open fire simultaneously with a verbal warning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy2VfUABMLs
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2016 08:42
|
|
