Let's Read: "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality"

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Let's Read: "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality"

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Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Magical Brexit. Now that would be something.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 21:44

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# ? May 21, 2024 16:39

Ichabod Sexbeast: Dec 5, 2011; Giving 'em the old razzle-dazzle

Mostly because nobody wants to read Harry Potter and the Treaty of Wizard Maastricht.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 21:49

NihilCredo: Jun 6, 2011; iram omni possibili modo preme:
plus una illa te diffamabit, quam multæ virtutes commendabunt

HPMOR does imply a few times that Britain is a backwards shithole compared to the rest of the world. Dumbledore suggests that Harry can escape to America, and Quirrell that Hermione can go to France, in both cases saying that their asylum countries wouldn't give a poo poo about Britain's pseudo-feudal crap.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 23:31

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Ichabod Sexbeast posted:

Mostly because nobody wants to read Harry Potter and the Treaty of Wizard Maastricht.

it's me I wanna read that

Cardiovorax posted:

I must admit, I have wondered sometimes just how the occasional German exchange student (or merely immigrant) would feel about all those British wizard Himmlers and G�rings running around freely while their spawn can freely pontificate about the racial failings of the Unterwizard in a public schol that's purportedly equally open to everyone.

Well, Krum gets mad enough to be rude about A Literal Swastika on Xenophilius Lovegood's hat (even though it's also the symbol of the Deathly Hallows), so presumably it's exactly like America pre-2016 where the actual symbol is gauche but the rear end in a top hat racists are just good ol' boys.

# ? Jul 25, 2018 01:31

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Well, the elder Malfoy was one of Voldewords right-hand men, so I'd compare it less to a bunch of Goold Ol' Boys and more literal escaped Nazis having the Bundeskanzler in their pocket. All things considered, that's a whole lot worse. Then again, Voldie was never a fraction as bad or internationally destructive as Grindelwald, so I guess it's more like voting Republican.

Cardiovorax fucked around with this message at 18:22 on Jul 25, 2018

# ? Jul 25, 2018 18:08

OctaviusBeaver: Apr 30, 2009; Say what now?

Do the books ever cover what Grindelwald did? I know he's a dark wizard but did he care about blood purity or was he just generically trying to take over the world?

# ? Jul 26, 2018 19:39

21 Muns: Dec 10, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

OctaviusBeaver posted:

Do the books ever cover what Grindelwald did? I know he's a dark wizard but did he care about blood purity or was he just generically trying to take over the world?

If I recall correctly, his whole "for the greater good" slogan meant that he had a sort of White Man's Burden approach to Muggles, where wizards needed to reign over Muggles for their own good. I also think he was propping up the Nazi regime - probably not out of sympathy to their ideology, but as an expedient approach to destabilizing the Muggle world and getting its power conglomerated in a single place that could easily be taken over by wizards.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 20:11

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Not just wizarda, but pureblood wizards.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 21:26

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

Epicurius posted:

Not just wizarda, but pureblood wizards.

In his worldview, there were no other wizards than said purebloods.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6piRzDWSJc

There's a bit of Johnny Depp in character as ol' Grindy from SDCC, to give you an idea of where his rhetoric is.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 21:48

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

21 Muns posted:

If I recall correctly, his whole "for the greater good" slogan meant that he had a sort of White Man's Burden approach to Muggles, where wizards needed to reign over Muggles for their own good. I also think he was propping up the Nazi regime - probably not out of sympathy to their ideology, but as an expedient approach to destabilizing the Muggle world and getting its power conglomerated in a single place that could easily be taken over by wizards.

It's strongly implied he was (because Dumbledore beat him in '45)

He also built an inescapable magic prison (although we don't know anyone who's locked in Nurmengard except Grindelwald himself) but the documentation in the books proper is thin about him.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 22:57

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

whoever said that "arithmancer" is way better than hpmor, lmao. imo elizier-harry is more complex a character than arithmancer-hermione, there are definitely similar characters to eli-quirrel in the other writing, and the exploration of rowlings magic system is more interesting in hpmor surprisingly.

i think its a case of motive disassociation, eg. if you write about characters who are bad people, the character writing itself is "bad' because you disagree with their motives. the characters in arithmancer are good people, so its much easier to get engrossed in their opinions without thinking about the writing.

End of Shoelace fucked around with this message at 11:14 on Jul 27, 2018

# ? Jul 27, 2018 11:04

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

It's strongly implied he was (because Dumbledore beat him in '45)

They're very much treated as parallels to each other, but I think Rowling has better taste than to make Grindelwald literally responsible for Hitler. It's disrespectful to reduce the greatest atrocity in living human history to something the people who perpetrated it weren't even really responsible for, because wizards mind-controlled them or something.

Personally, I got the impression that Grindelwald is more an amalgamation of early 20th-century fascism as per Franco, Mussolini and Hitler in equal measure. He happened at the same time as the rest because the same social and economic issues were hitting the wizards for much the same reasons.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 13:36

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Cardiovorax posted:

They're very much treated as parallels to each other, but I think Rowling has better taste than to make Grindelwald literally responsible for Hitler. It's disrespectful to reduce the greatest atrocity in living human history to something the people who perpetrated it weren't even really responsible for, because wizards mind-controlled them or something.

Personally, I got the impression that Grindelwald is more an amalgamation of early 20th-century fascism as per Franco, Mussolini and Hitler in equal measure. He happened at the same time as the rest because the same social and economic issues were hitting the wizards for much the same reasons.

I don�t think he was actively responsible, just a strong supporter. Honestly, if Rowling had ever bothered to go into it I bet there would have been things like ties to the Thule Society and existing crazy Nazi esotericism and all that.

But I don�t think your second paragraph is necessarily true. The wizard economy in modern Britain is completely decoupled from the Muggle economy. Who�s to say if the worldwide depression had any impact at all on people who can summon (though not create) food and fly across countries and so on? Wizards hardly do poo poo all day at their actual jobs that we see, maybe the unemployment rate is pushing zero even in crisis.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 18:50

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

I don�t think he was actively responsible, just a strong supporter. Honestly, if Rowling had ever bothered to go into it I bet there would have been things like ties to the Thule Society and existing crazy Nazi esotericism and all that.

But I don�t think your second paragraph is necessarily true. The wizard economy in modern Britain is completely decoupled from the Muggle economy. Who�s to say if the worldwide depression had any impact at all on people who can summon (though not create) food and fly across countries and so on? Wizards hardly do poo poo all day at their actual jobs that we see, maybe the unemployment rate is pushing zero even in crisis.

I can't say I have any proof for disagreeing, it just feels a bit too coincidental and with how much of a seemingly active effort Rowling seems to make towards acknowledging other civil rights and human rights issues of the 20th century, she just doesn't strike me as the type of would stoop to that. For all that I'd criticize her writing, I respect her as a well-educated writer who had her hands on the pulse of what matters to whatever minorities and affected groups might read her work at some point and who genuinely agreed with their concerns. I stick around the genre fiction circuit and people with attitudes like that tend to stay away from anything that might be read as cheapening that part of history.

Don't take that for anything more than my take on it, though. The setting is a mess and whatever makes sense to me might certainly not entirely make sense to anyone else.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 20:19

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

Cardiovorax posted:

Personally, I got the impression that Grindelwald is more an amalgamation of early 20th-century fascism as per Franco, Mussolini and Hitler in equal measure. He happened at the same time as the rest because the same social and economic issues were hitting the wizards for much the same reasons.

Lol @ "economic issues" hitting Wizards. That's more on Rowling though since the economy in Harry Potter makes zero sense. A poor wizard may not be able to buy the newest broomstick but in terms of the basics they live in a post-scarcity economy.

End of Shoelace posted:

whoever said that "arithmancer" is way better than hpmor, lmao. imo elizier-harry is more complex a character than arithmancer-hermione, there are definitely similar characters to eli-quirrel in the other writing, and the exploration of rowlings magic system is more interesting in hpmor surprisingly.

i think its a case of motive disassociation, eg. if you write about characters who are bad people, the character writing itself is "bad' because you disagree with their motives. the characters in arithmancer are good people, so its much easier to get engrossed in their opinions without thinking about the writing.

The writing in Arirthmancer is much better. Scenes are described with some warmth as opposed to "this thing was there, and this stuff was over here, and so and so said this." It still wasn't enough to make me read past chapter 1 but it has better prose.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 21:39

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Ccs posted:

Lol @ "economic issues" hitting Wizards. That's more on Rowling though since the economy in Harry Potter makes zero sense. A poor wizard may not be able to buy the newest broomstick but in terms of the basics they live in a post-scarcity economy.

For what it's worth, you're certainly right there. Our access to what we want often matters a lot more to us than our access to what we need, though - the real world is proof of that if you've ever spoken to anyone below the poverty and what they care about owning, I think.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 21:47

90s Cringe Rock: Nov 29, 2006

Ccs posted:

The writing in Arirthmancer is much better. Scenes are described with some warmth as opposed to "this thing was there, and this stuff was over here, and so and so said this." It still wasn't enough to make me read past chapter 1 but it has better prose.

It's fanfic, but it's not fanfic written to lure people into an anti-skynet cult and also pick up hot bdsm chicks.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 22:14

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Considering some of the poo poo I have seen fanfic writers get up to - thank this thread for telling me about a whole load of creepjobbiness I rather would never have known about - this is a rather thin line to cross.

# ? Jul 27, 2018 22:33

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

Ccs posted:

The writing in Arirthmancer is much better. Scenes are described with some warmth as opposed to "this thing was there, and this stuff was over here, and so and so said this." It still wasn't enough to make me read past chapter 1 but it has better prose.

arithmancer barely ekes out a victory here. the prose is rowling, but if she was always in a huge hurry to move the reader on to the next paragraph.
i forgive hpmor for not being a world-detail oriented writing, since that is not even one of its major goals. arithmancer describes locales, events and people in a way everyone who would read a specific harry potter fanfic would be familiar with, but condensed, so you get the idea but not in any satisfactory way.

i posit that elizer-harry is less of a mary sue than arthmancer-hermione. harry gets shown up and is defeated some times, growing into a slightly kinder but still cold person. the story of hermione here is overcoming her only mental fault: slight cowardice. its a story of her journey into becoming a perfect person.

# ? Jul 28, 2018 02:29

Doctor Spaceman: Jul 6, 2010; "Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

In 2005 this was posted:

JKR: I'm going to tell you as much as I told someone earlier who asked me. You know Owen who won the [UK television] competition to interview me? He asked about Grindelwald [pronounced "Grindelvald" HMM�]. He said, �Is it coincidence that he died in 1945,� and I said no. It amuses me to make allusions to things that were happening in the Muggle world, so my feeling would be that while there's a global Muggle war going on, there's also a global wizarding war going on.

ES: Does he have any connection to --

JKR: I have no comment to make on that subject.

[Laughter.]

MA: Do they feed each other, the Muggle and wizarding wars?

JKR: Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Mm.

# ? Jul 28, 2018 14:09

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

Ccs posted:

Lol @ "economic issues" hitting Wizards. That's more on Rowling though since the economy in Harry Potter makes zero sense. A poor wizard may not be able to buy the newest broomstick but in terms of the basics they live in a post-scarcity economy.

The writing in Arirthmancer is much better. Scenes are described with some warmth as opposed to "this thing was there, and this stuff was over here, and so and so said this." It still wasn't enough to make me read past chapter 1 but it has better prose.

Also, this thread hasn't gotten to the really creepy parts of HPMOR yet. :stonk:

# ? Jul 28, 2018 14:19

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

"By Merlin's beard!", cried professor lupin astonishedly. "Hermione, the depths of your character continue to amaze me! Not only are you enough of a genius to solve one of the fundamental problems of the wizarding world, you also showed incredible compassion throughout your ordeals. And, best of all", Lupin leaned in closer, "You gave that little weasel Malfoy a lesson he will never forget."

Hermione blushed beet red and fiddled with the hem of her skirt, which she was looking down upon.

"W-well, to be honest, it was really simple. The part from Douglas Adams you quoted just made me realize that by reverse engineering the Avada Kedavra spell through the Pythagoran theorem, it would be simple enough to make a resurrection spell. Really, it's nothing", Hermione said humbly.

"That's our Hermione! Nobody can beat her", the Weasley twins exclaimed in unison.

"Hermione, you have taught me the true value of compassion. Thank you", limping in from the door, surprising the others, even professor Snape, said the newly resurrected, but weary, uncle of Harry Sirius Black.

- The Arithmancer, chapter 55

End of Shoelace fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Jul 28, 2018

# ? Jul 28, 2018 17:32

Ccs: Feb 25, 2011

That can't be real.
Am I going to go check if it's real?
Yes I am.

No, it is not real.

# ? Jul 28, 2018 18:43

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

you can find a loooot of passages like that.
lupin quoting hitchhiker's guide is straight up from the fic tho.

other bits i "enjoyed":
- hermiones fixation with snape being fired if hogwarts was a muggle school
- parvati, padma and hermione make superior muggle food, tikka masala. it is served in the great hall, and everyone congratulates only hermione
- malfoy and co vs the hero group get in a spat because of mudblood slurs against her. they have a brawl with spells and malfoy is humiliated. he runs away literally yelling "ill get you next time, mudblood!". this happens four times.
- hermione researches a way for squibs to cast spells and makes filch cry, turning him into a good person. the method is published in the prophet and everyone in the great hall reads it. snape calls hermione for a one-on-one and admits he has a great amount of professional respect for her, and gives a friendly warning about jealous people. this happens in the 2nd year.
- the granddaughter of gamp (as in gamps five laws) is fuming because hermione is too smart
- moaning myrtle salutes hermione after the basilisk is killed
- luna cries in a stall because she is horribly bullied. hermione comes to comfort her and tells luna of her own problems. luna is impressed how strong hermione is.
- her arithmancy teacher is a good slytherin, who is shocked by hermiones intellect more times than i can keep track. by merlins beard!
- i also lost track how many times hermione strikes a room into silent shocked admiration with an observation. thats our hermione
- "... and THIS why you dont make hermione angry!"
- besides being accompanied by her teacher, harry and ron, she is the only one to explain to the huddled together congregation of their fight with the basilisk and what the diary really was. even dumbledore is impressed
- it is hermiones idea on how to free dobby from lucius. she also goes to do it. afterwards dobby becomes a house elf to her parents. he is paid salary
- hermione figures out in a week that lupin is a werewolf. lupin is shockedly impressed
- malfoy grins evilly
- hermione is a genius about quidditch, and wins all of her game bets with fred and george. they are struck into shocked impressivity
- hermione pukes upon learning that dementors can kill an immortal soul, and its too goethe
- hermione figures out the mystery behind pettigrew. lupin comments he would have never realized the same things if it wasnt for her

End of Shoelace fucked around with this message at 19:48 on Jul 28, 2018

# ? Jul 28, 2018 18:59

NihilCredo: Jun 6, 2011; iram omni possibili modo preme:
plus una illa te diffamabit, quam multæ virtutes commendabunt

Is Hermione sufficiently goffik though?

# ? Jul 28, 2018 19:06

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

End of Shoelace posted:

you can find a loooot of passages like that.
lupin quoting hitchhiker's guide is straight up from the fic tho.

other bits i "enjoyed":
- hermiones fixation with snape being fired if hogwarts was a muggle school
- parvati, padma and hermione make superior muggle food, tikka masala. it is served in the great hall, and everyone congratulates only hermione
- malfoy and co vs the hero group get in a spat because of mudblood slurs against her. they have a brawl with spells and malfoy is humiliated. he runs away literally yelling "ill get you next time, mudblood!". this happens four times.
- hermione researches a way for squibs to cast spells and makes filch cry, turning him into a good person. the method is published in the prophet and everyone in the great hall reads it. snape calls hermione for a one-on-one and admits he has a great amount of professional respect for her, and gives a friendly warning about jealous people. this happens in the 2nd year.
- the granddaughter of gamp (as in gamps five laws) is fuming because hermione is too smart
- moaning myrtle salutes hermione after the basilisk is killed
- luna cries in a stall because she is horribly bullied. hermione comes to comfort her and tells luna of her own problems. luna is impressed how strong hermione is.
- her arithmancy teacher is a good slytherin, who is shocked by hermiones intellect more times than i can keep track. by merlins beard!
- i also lost track how many times hermione strikes a room into silent shocked admiration with an observation. thats our hermione
- "... and THIS why you dont make hermione angry!"
- besides being accompanied by her teacher, harry and ron, she is the only one to explain to the huddled together congregation of their fight with the basilisk and what the diary really was. even dumbledore is impressed
- it is hermiones idea on how to free dobby from lucius. she also goes to do it. afterwards dobby becomes a house elf to her parents. he is paid salary
- hermione figures out in a week that lupin is a werewolf. lupin is shockedly impressed
- malfoy grins evilly
- hermione is a genius about quidditch, and wins all of her game bets with fred and george. they are struck into shocked impressivity
- hermione pukes upon learning that dementors can kill an immortal soul, and its too goethe
- hermione figures out the mystery behind pettigrew. lupin comments he would have never realized the same things if it wasnt for her

Is the author the leader of a dumb robot cult tho?

# ? Jul 28, 2018 20:07

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

no, but she/he often apologises how weak hermione is

# ? Jul 28, 2018 20:09

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

Children, relax! Both of the stories can be bad!

# ? Jul 29, 2018 01:34

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

as they both are. hpmor is atleast a bit more interesting.

# ? Jul 29, 2018 01:43

Jazerus: May 24, 2011

End of Shoelace posted:

as they both are. hpmor is atleast a bit more interesting.

it's really not; it's an absolute chore to read, even setting aside that it's an ideological screed clothed in the trappings of the most popular source work for fanfiction purely to drive recruitment for yud's cult

# ? Jul 29, 2018 02:45

Roadie: Jun 30, 2013

Jazerus posted:

it's really not; it's an absolute chore to read, even setting aside that it's an ideological screed clothed in the trappings of the most popular source work for fanfiction purely to drive recruitment for yud's cult

HPMOR has maybe 5 interesting chapters right at the start, which trick sufficiently unanalytic readers into thinking that the rest is also interesting.

# ? Jul 29, 2018 03:26

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Jazerus posted:

it's really not; it's an absolute chore to read, even setting aside that it's an ideological screed clothed in the trappings of the most popular source work for fanfiction purely to drive recruitment for yud's cult

I think that they're both kind of terrible, but I'll honestly say that of the two, HPMOR is the more readable one. Yudkowsky isn't much of a writer, but if he could just ever get off of his soapbox, there are the signs of some reasonable writing talent showing. And, for whatever else it's worth, when you ignore the godawful "Battle School" segment, there is at least always something going on in that story. Even if you utterly loathe it, for any of a number of well-deserved reasons, it's engaging enough to make you want to continue reading. There's a reason that story became a phenomenon in the HP fandom, magical robutt cult alone doesn't explain that.

That reason isn't quality by any means, but it has something to it. Arithmancer, on the other hand, is just bland. Like porridge and other terrible British foods.

# ? Jul 29, 2018 22:00

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

Popularity of fanfiction has nothing at all to do with quality. Otherwise 50 Shades of Gray would't have gotten a half-assed pass to find/replace out Twilight characters and turned into a bestseller.

# ? Jul 30, 2018 06:50

90s Cringe Rock: Nov 29, 2006

Quality helps. That Anthony Bourdain/Narnia fic wouldn't have been half as popular if it hadn't been decently-written.

# ? Jul 30, 2018 10:34

Xander77: Apr 6, 2009; Fuck it then. For another pit sandwich and some 'tater salad, I'll post a few more.

Chapter 98: Roles, Final

quote:

Daphne kept her wand level. "Like your father couldn't tamper with the Aurors' record, if he wanted to! I wasn't born yesterday, Mister Malfoy! "

Slowly, as if not to cause alarm, the silver-robed figure drew a wand from his robes. Daphne's hand tightened on her own wand, but then she recognized the position of the fingers on the wand, the stance the figure was assuming, and she drew a shocked breath -

"Expecto Patronum! "

Silver light leapt from the end of the other's wand - and condensed, forming a shining serpent that seemed to coil in the air as though nesting there.

She just gaped.

"I did try to help Hermione Granger," Draco Malfoy said with a level voice. "Because I know the sickness at the heart of Slytherin's House, the reason why so many of us can't cast the Patronus Charm any more, is hate. Hate of Muggleborns, or just anyone really. People think that's all Slytherin is about now, not cunning or ambition or honorable nobility. And I even know, because it's obvious if you just look, that Hermione Granger wasn't weak at magic."

....

"D-do-do you know what you're saying? " Daphne's voice broke. If Lucius Malfoy heard his heir saying that - he'd skin Draco and turn him into trousers!

Draco Malfoy smiled, metallic robes gleaming in the light of his full corporeal Patronus; it was a smile both arrogant and dangerous, like being turned into a pair of leather pants was beneath his concerns.

You know what? I'll allow that as marginally funny. Possibly the first "wink wink, nudge nudge - fandom, amirite?" bit that actually worked.

quote:

"I'd like you to join a conspiracy," said the figure in the shining robes. "Everyone in Slytherin who can cast the Patronus Charm, and everyone who can learn. That's how we'll know to trust each other, when the Silvery Slytherins meet." With a dramatic gesture, Draco Malfoy cast back his hood. "But it won't work without you, Daphne Greengrass. You and your family. Your mother will negotiate it with Father, but I'd like the Greengrasses to hear the proposal from you, first." Draco Malfoy's voice lowered grimly. "There is much we must speak of, before we eat dinner."

quote:

Harry Potter had, apparently, taken to being invisible; they'd glimpsed his hand only briefly, when he was handing them the list, written on strange not-parchment. Harry had explained that, all things considered, he didn't really think it was smart for him to be findable except on special occasions, so he was just going to deal with people as a disembodied floating voice from now on, or as a brilliant silver light that hid behind corners where nobody could see it, and which could always find his friends no matter where they tried to hide. It was, in all honesty, one of the creepiest things which Fred and George had ever heard, over a lifetime which had included filling the shoes of every student in second-year Slytherin with Transfigured live millipedes.

...

"For God's sake, you went after a troll for me and Fred had his ribs broken!"

They both just shook their heads. Harry had stayed behind when they'd told him to run, and stepped forward to distract the troll from eating George. Harry was the kind of person, they knew, who'd think that something like that didn't cancel out what he owed the Weasley twins, that his own deed wasn't properly commensurate. But what the Weasleys knew, and Harry wouldn't understand until he was older, was that it meant that nothing was owed, or ever could be owed between them. It was a strange kind of selfishness, they thought, that Harry could understand kindness within himself - never dreaming of asking of money from anyone he'd helped more than they'd helped him, or calling that a debt - while being apparently unable to conceive that others might want to act the same way toward him.

"Remind me to buy you a copy of the Muggle novel Atlas Shrugged," the sourceless voice said. "I'm starting to understand what sort of person can benefit from reading it."

Jesus loving christ. Is there no depth of depravity you won't sink to?

quote:

Draco Malfoy continued tapping the spoon upon his glass, until the room fell silent, waiting.

Then another student arose from the Ravenclaw table, and made his way to where Draco Malfoy was standing, turning to face Hogwarts at his side. Breaths were drawn in surprise; those two should have been the bitterest of enemies -

"I, and my Father, the Lord of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy," Draco Malfoy said in a clear voice, "have come to realize that there are ill forces at work in Hogwarts. That these ill forces, did wish Hermione Granger harm. That Hermione Granger was perhaps compelled, against her will, to raise her hand against our House; or perhaps she and I were both Memory-Charmed. We now say that whoever dared use the heir of Malfoy so, is the enemy of House Malfoy, upon whom we shall have our vengeance. And that honor be served, we have returned all moneys taken from House Potter, and canceled all debt."

Then Harry Potter spoke. "House Potter acknowledges that it was an honest mistake, and holds House Malfoy no ill will. We believe and publicly say that House Malfoy was not at fault in Hermione Granger's death. Whoever harmed Hermione Granger is the enemy of House Potter, upon whom we shall have our vengeance. Both of us."

...

"And my grandmother, Augusta, of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Longbottom," said Neville Longbottom, who had returned for this one night.

"And my father, Lucius, the Lord Malfoy, of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy!"

"Together with Alanna Howe constituting a majority of the Hogwarts Board of Governors!" Daphne Greengrass said clearly. "Have, to ensure the safety of all students, including their own children, passed the following Educational Decrees upon the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"

"First!" Daphne said. Daphne was trying to keep her trembling under control, as she faced the Four Houses at the forefront of the five. There was only so far her parents' lessons in speech-making could take her. Daphne's eyes darted down quickly to her hand, upon which, written with a quill in faint red ink, cues to her lines had been written. "Students are not to go anywhere alone, not even to the toilets! You will travel in groups of at least three, and every group must have a sixth-year or seventh-year student!"

"Second!" Susan Bones said from behind her, voice almost firm. "To further ensure the students' safety, nine Aurors have been dispatched to Hogwarts to form an Auxiliary Protective Force!" Susan took a small, round glass object from within her robes, one of the communicators that the DMLE used, which they'd all been given. Susan raised it to her mouth and said, her voice now higher, "Auror Brodski, this is Susan Bones. Enter! "

The doors to the Hall slammed open, and in marched nine Aurors in the reinforced leather gear they used when on duty. At once they spread out, two Aurors taking up station by each of the four tables, and the last took up watch at the Head Table. There were more gasps.

"Third!" said Draco Malfoy, his voice commanding. Malfoy had apparently memorized his own lines, since there was nothing written on his hand that Daphne could see. "In the face of a common enemy who does not balk at killing students from any House, the four Houses of Hogwarts must come together and act as one! To emphasize this, the House Points system is temporarily suspended! All Professors will encourage solidarity between Houses, by decree of the Hogwarts Board of Governors!"

"Fourth!" recited Neville Longbottom. "All students not already in the Defense Professor's after-school classes, will receive special training in self-defense by Auror instructors!"

"Fifth!" Theodore Nott yelled in a menacing tone. "All fighting in the corridors or anywhere outside of Defense lessons will be dealt with severely! Fight together or don't fight at all!"

"Sixth!" said Daphne Greengrass, and took a deep breath. When she'd found out what was planned, she'd made her own little extra request to Mother through the Floo. Even with Lucius Malfoy going along with Amelia Bones - a thought her mind was still having trouble grasping - the Greengrass swing vote had still been vital, since Jugson and his own faction had refused to back Malfoy. Not to mention that Bones didn't trust Malfoy, and Malfoy didn't trust Bones. So Mother had demanded, and the Greengrasses had received - "Since Memory Charms have been used on students without setting off wards, it is possible that someone on the Hogwarts faculty may be implicated. Therefore! The Auxiliary Protective force reports directly to my father, Lord Greengrass!" And this part was only symbolic, she knew, there'd be no reason anyone wouldn't just contact the Aurors directly; but it might turn into more, someday, which was why she'd asked Mother to demand it - "And if anyone wants to report something to the Auxiliary Protectors, they can talk to the Aurors, or go through me -" Daphne's arm swept behind her to indicate the gathered students. "The duly appointed President of the Auxiliary Protective Special Committee!"

And Daphne paused dramatically. They'd all rehearsed this part.

"We don't know who the enemy is," said Neville, whose voice did not squeak.

"We don't know what the enemy wants," said Theodore, still looking menacing.

"But we know who the enemy is attacking," said Susan, as fierce as when she'd taken on three seventh-year students.

"The enemy is attacking Hogwarts students," said Draco Malfoy, clear and commanding, like all this was his natural element.

"And Hogwarts," spoke Daphne of Greengrass, feeling her blood burn like it never had before in her life, "is going to fight back."

I mean - why the hell didn't those irrational residents of the canon HP universe ever realize that the logical solution to their problems is martial law enacted and enforced by the aristocracy? In retrospect, it's so bloody obvious and meshes so well with any/all themes in the canon. Or in HPMOR, for that matter.

Someone who cares more about Dark Enlightenment can probably explain how "artistocrats are just naturally better than regular people" is a perfectly rationalist notion.

# ? Jul 30, 2018 10:45

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

There's a fairly broad line that separates quality from reader appeal, but by the same virtue, is very possible to have either both, only one, or none of these. HPMOR isn't a well-written story by any means, but it is one that is good at grabbing and holding people's attention. Look at us still talking about it after three different people gave up on running the thread.

In a world where people can spend hours a day watching talk shows, I don't feel like I'm qualified to judge, because I certainly don't get why. I can just tell it's there.

# ? Jul 30, 2018 10:47

Xander77: Apr 6, 2009; Fuck it then. For another pit sandwich and some 'tater salad, I'll post a few more.

Cardiovorax posted:

Look at us still talking about it after three different people gave up on running the thread

How do you count up to three?

# ? Jul 30, 2018 11:07

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Oops, sorry about that. Could've sworn I remembered someone else in there. No offense intended.

# ? Jul 30, 2018 12:12

End of Shoelace: Apr 5, 2016

quote:

"Really? Well�I guess Sonya can takes a look�" Sonya tentatively took the scarf in her little hands. Hermione wasn't exaggerating. She knew Dobby liked to knit, but she'd never imagined he was working on something like this. The scarf he'd made for Sonya was twice as long as her height, about six inches wide, and coloured with many random stripes of faded red, gold, green, blue, purple, tan, and brown, with multicoloured tassells at each end. Hermione also hadn't realised Dobby was paying that much attention to muggle television. Sonya looped the scarf around her neck so that it hung low over her chest, and it still trailed to her feet. She didn't look too certain about it.

"It is being the scarf that the Doctor wears," Dobby said proudly.

"Doctor? Doctor who?"

- The Arithmancer, chapter 74

EDIT: no. . no... theres a part two... NOOOOOOOO *gets dragged to hell*

End of Shoelace fucked around with this message at 14:22 on Jul 30, 2018

# ? Jul 30, 2018 12:23

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# ? May 21, 2024 16:39

Argue: Sep 29, 2005; I represent the Philippines

You... seem incredibly invested in getting the thread about a bad HP fanfic to believe that a different bad fanfic is worse.

# ? Jul 30, 2018 15:12

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Let's Read: "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality"

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