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Brayds2006
Aug 21, 2011
God help us if News Corp ever decides to do this.

"Constable, arrest this un-Australian grub and throw him in the Boltmobile."

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Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again
Australia should have a far better history written by internet professionals

Smegmatron
Apr 23, 2003

I hate to advocate emptyquoting or shitposting to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

quote:

Prime Minister Gladys Berejiklian

You have a strange definition of "better."

Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again

Smegmatron posted:

You have a strange definition of "better."

Okay, how about this one

quote:

1944: Sensing a shocking Allied defeat the Commonwealth of Australia declares independence from Great Britain. On October 5 1944, Great Britain recognises the independent state of Australia.
1945: After the conclusion of World War 2 The Republic of Australia is struggling to put together a firm, stable new government. In the 7 months since independence, Australia has not elected a new President and the country is still controlled by the Prime Minister, who has abolished the Governor Generals Post.
1947: The Greater Australian Union is formed after 3 years of "The Republic of Australia". After winning in a landslide emergency election Piotr der Withers abolishes all traces of Australia prior to his election and names himself Chief Minister and Head of The Greater Australian Union.
Greater Australian Union (Also known as, GAU, Union or Australian Union) begins to expand its territories. Conquering New Zealand, Fiji and Indonesia, Adolf Hitler, Fuhrer of Greater German Reich provides arms to GAU.
1955: After 8 years The GAU has taken over all of the Oceania and South Africa.

open24hours
Jan 7, 2001

That alt history where SA secedes is better.

http://www.changingthetimes.net/samples/coldwar/australian_war_of_independence_1.htm

CrazyTolradi
Oct 2, 2011

It feels so good to be so bad.....at posting.


"In full view & televised over national TV, Bjelke-Petersen is shot several times in the head."

Can't say I disagree.

Foreman Domai
Apr 2, 2010

"In one dimension I find existence, in two I find life, but in three, I find freedom."

The only really believable part is Joh ordering the police to fire on a crowd of peaceful protestors.

Mr Chips
Jun 27, 2007
Whose arse do I have to blow smoke up to get rid of this baby?

Holy loving poo poo that owns. Oliphant would've done that too.

The Welfare Lobby posted:

The only really believable part is Joh ordering the police to fire on a crowd of peaceful protestors.
I dunno, this is pretty believable. You can't get anything done in Australia from Dec 24th to Jan 2nd:

quote:

A cease fire is agreed to for the Christmas - New Years period.

...
The Boxing Day Cricket Test match is enjoyed in Sydney with no disruptions.

Mr Chips fucked around with this message at 14:41 on Dec 8, 2014

Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.



Bread Liar

CrazyTolradi posted:

"In full view & televised over national TV, Bjelke-Petersen is shot several times in the head."

Can't say I disagree.

He would have survived his injuries, but told paramedics, "Don't you worry about that."

:rimshot:

Senor Tron
May 26, 2006



I like that, especially the part where WA is just off to the side the entire time munching popcorn.

Edit: checked out the contents page for this site and the first link is for the alternate history titled Alien Space Bats :catdrugs:

Gough Suppressant
Nov 14, 2008

Mr Chips posted:

Holy loving poo poo that owns. Oliphant would've done that too.

I dunno, this is pretty believable. You can't get anything done in Australia from Dec 24th to Jan 2nd:

wait, since when is the boxing day test in sydney not melbourne, rated 0 diamonds.

froglet
Nov 12, 2009

You see, the best way to Stop the Boats is a massive swarm of autonomous armed dogs. Strafing a few boats will stop the rest and save many lives in the long term.

You can't make an Omelet without breaking a few eggs. Vote Greens.

T-1000 posted:


Suggestion 4: Consider moving to Perth, froglet's workplace isn't so great and seems to have a high turnover.
If only that were true.

Yeah 4 of us showed up to work today to realize none of us had a key... Because the person to have worked there the longest is me, having been there four months.

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.
http://www.highered.gov.au/#homepage-video

Oh.

My.

God.

This is tax payer funded. Even The Australian is having a go at them over this.

quote:

Crossbench senators savage‘underhand’ uni reforms ads

The Australian
December 09, 2014 12:00AM



A TAXPAYER-FUNDED advertising campaign to sell the government’s higher education reforms has been savaged by the crossbench senators whose support is needed to pass the proposed laws.

The government has launched television advertisements and a website aimed at convincing the public of the merits of reform.

It also hopes the campaign will win over the support of at least two more senators to pass revised legislation in the new year after it was rejected by the Senate last week.

Yesterday, it was revealed that a senior public servant signed off on the advertising blitz three days before Education Minister Christopher Pyne said he would ­“consider” a campaign, and before the legislation had been blocked in the Senate.

Independent South Australian senator Nick Xenophon said he would write to the auditor-general to complain about the use of taxpayer funds to spruik a policy that was not yet enacted.


He also said the minister’s ­approach was unlikely to win over the crossbench, whose votes were critical to passing the revised laws.

“This is taxpayer-funded party-political advertising when the law has not even been passed,” he said.

“The government thinks this is going to change my opinion, but all it is doing is aggravating me.”

Palmer United’s leader in the Senate Glenn Lazarus said no “sweeteners” would convince ­voters of the need for the university shake-up.

“The Abbott government needs to cancel all advertising booked for this underhanded ­campaign and apologise to the people of Australia.”

Independent senator Jacqui Lambie said Mr Pyne was “really stepping over the mark” in advertising the reforms.

“It is a waste of taxpayer money — it doesn’t matter what ­colour lipstick you put on a pig, it is still a pig,” she said.

Bill Shorten said the taxpayer-funded campaign was a “disgrace”.

“Tony Abbott is spending taxpayers’ money advertising his ­unfair plan for $100,000 uni degrees — which has been rejected by the parliament and the people,” the Opposition Leader said.

The opposition also said information in the new advertisements was incorrect, wrongly promising future students that the government would pay 50 per cent of undergraduate degrees.

Queensland University of Technology figures revealed in The Australian last week, showed that some degrees would require student loan contributions of up to 90 per cent.

A spokesman for Mr Pyne said the 50 per cent figure used was an average.

“The information campaign will help to counter any myths and misconceptions about the current higher education system and raise awareness of HECS,” he said.

“It will provide prospective ­students with information to help guide their decisions relating to higher education.”

Also lol

quote:

The Greens are similarly scathing, saying the choice of where to run ads just showed Mr Pyne was out of touch.

"If there are still students left watching TV, these ads will surely make them rush to Netflix and other online services," higher education spokeswoman Lee Rhiannon said.

Lid fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Dec 8, 2014

Coucho Marx
Mar 2, 2009

kick back and relax
I think you're running out of friends, there, Abbott.

Then again I guess everyone wants to back the winner.

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN
Jun 26, 2009



It really is just beyond the palehosed up poo poo. Bypassing the political system and going straight to publicly funded advertising. What's the plan here, get the public super fired up for it so they put pressure on their reps to pass it next year?

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN fucked around with this message at 19:59 on Dec 8, 2014

hambeet
Sep 13, 2002

T-1000 posted:


Suggestion 3: As fascinating as your job-search adventures are, maybe consider not keeping the thread so well updated. This will create a dense, vapourous cloud of sexy mystery around your career. Then, like the patient moisture farmer, you harvest and condense that cloud to refine into one glorious tale of triumph over adversity when you do get a permanent job.

I would blow Dane Cook
Dec 26, 2008
Townsville Police Press Release
"At approximately 10:30pm on Friday, November 28, Police received an anonymous phone call stating there were numerous large sized plastic buckets containing cask wine bags at the side of the Forrest Beach Boat Ramp.

"Police attended the location and observed a female person sitting on the side of the boat ramp.

"As Police approached the female person they observed 6 x large plastic buckets containing numerous cask wine bags in each bucket.

"Whilst speaking with the female person police observed a tinnie approximately 50m off shore from the boat ramp.

"Due to the distance and lack of lighting Police were unable to identify what make, model or registration of the boat. Police were also unable to identify the person/s on board. Police seized the buckets and a total of 63 bags of cask wine and investigations are continuing."

Birb Katter
Sep 18, 2010

BOATS STOPPED
CARBON TAX AXED
TURNBULL AS PM
LIBERALS WILL BE RE-ELECTED IN A LANDSLIDE

Jumpingmanjim posted:

Townsville Police Press Release
"At approximately 10:30pm on Friday, November 28, Police received an anonymous phone call stating there were numerous large sized plastic buckets containing cask wine bags at the side of the Forrest Beach Boat Ramp.

"Police attended the location and observed a female person sitting on the side of the boat ramp.

"As Police approached the female person they observed 6 x large plastic buckets containing numerous cask wine bags in each bucket.

"Whilst speaking with the female person police observed a tinnie approximately 50m off shore from the boat ramp.

"Due to the distance and lack of lighting Police were unable to identify what make, model or registration of the boat. Police were also unable to identify the person/s on board. Police seized the buckets and a total of 63 bags of cask wine and investigations are continuing."

Someones game of Goon of Fortune is messed up this weekend.

Urcher
Jun 16, 2006


Jumpingmanjim posted:

Townsville Police Press Release
"At approximately 10:30pm on Friday, November 28, Police received an anonymous phone call stating there were numerous large sized plastic buckets containing cask wine bags at the side of the Forrest Beach Boat Ramp.

"Police attended the location and observed a female person sitting on the side of the boat ramp.

"As Police approached the female person they observed 6 x large plastic buckets containing numerous cask wine bags in each bucket.

"Whilst speaking with the female person police observed a tinnie approximately 50m off shore from the boat ramp.

"Due to the distance and lack of lighting Police were unable to identify what make, model or registration of the boat. Police were also unable to identify the person/s on board. Police seized the buckets and a total of 63 bags of cask wine and investigations are continuing."

When buckets full of goon bags are outlawed, only outlaws will have buckets full of goon bags

You Am I
May 20, 2001

Me @ your poasting

Lid posted:

http://www.highered.gov.au/#homepage-video

Oh.

My.

God.

This is tax payer funded. Even The Australian is having a go at them over this.


Also lol

I am so pleased that the adults are back in charge. God only knows how Labor and those inner city latte sipping Greenies would've handled this :colbert:

Amoeba102
Jan 22, 2010

Front page of some paper, I didn't pay enough attention, has a headline about Bishop rebuking Abbott. Taking the decision about a chaperone to Peru Climate Summit to cabinet to get it over turned. It's a long bow, but what does this mean for Kevin Rudd's leadership ambitions?

Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again
Yeah, the media really has been trying to prop up Bishop these last few days. Which is weird given the treatment they gave Gillard in comparison. I know Murdoch is going to try pulling some Iron Lady bullshit if the writing is really on the wall for Tony but the hypocrisy will become too much weight for this island to bear as Australia sinks into the ocean.

Amoeba102
Jan 22, 2010

Hypocrisy isn't in the conservative vocabulary.

gay picnic defence
Oct 5, 2009


I'M CONCERNED ABOUT A NUMBER OF THINGS

Amoeba102 posted:

Front page of some paper, I didn't pay enough attention, has a headline about Bishop rebuking Abbott. Taking the decision about a chaperone to Peru Climate Summit to cabinet to get it over turned. It's a long bow, but what does this mean for Kevin Rudd's leadership ambitions?

I think the story was that Tones wasn't wanting to send someone to Lima at all, but Bishop called him out in front of the entire partyroom and argued that the governments position on climate change was hurting them and not sending a minister to the climate conference would result in the feeding frenzy for the media. The party voted in favour of Bishop, and Tones compromised by trying to send a denier over to make sure we didn't say anything too progressive that might hurt LNP donors in the fossil fuel industry.

MiniSune
Sep 16, 2003

Smart like Dodo!
Julia was horrible for stabbing kevin but bishop stabbing tones is ok because labor waste.

Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again
Yes but Tony is actually an incompetent buffoon. Kevin Rudd was only a harmless psychopath who tried to take on the mining industry.

Zenithe
Feb 25, 2013

Ask not to whom the Anidavatar belongs; it belongs to thee.

gay picnic defence posted:

I think the story was that Tones wasn't wanting to send someone to Lima at all, but Bishop called him out in front of the entire partyroom and argued that the governments position on climate change was hurting them and not sending a minister to the climate conference would result in the feeding frenzy for the media. The party voted in favour of Bishop, and Tones compromised by trying to send a denier over to make sure we didn't say anything too progressive that might hurt LNP donors in the fossil fuel industry.

Today we will feast on the tears of bolt.

Amoeba102
Jan 22, 2010

gay picnic defence posted:

I think the story was that Tones wasn't wanting to send someone to Lima at all, but Bishop called him out in front of the entire partyroom and argued that the governments position on climate change was hurting them and not sending a minister to the climate conference would result in the feeding frenzy for the media. The party voted in favour of Bishop, and Tones compromised by trying to send a denier over to make sure we didn't say anything too progressive that might hurt LNP donors in the fossil fuel industry.

I got it wrong, you're right.

Amoeba102 fucked around with this message at 23:24 on Dec 8, 2014

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

gay picnic defence posted:

I think the story was that Tones wasn't wanting to send someone to Lima at all, but Bishop called him out in front of the entire partyroom and argued that the governments position on climate change was hurting them and not sending a minister to the climate conference would result in the feeding frenzy for the media. The party voted in favour of Bishop, and Tones compromised by trying to send a denier over to make sure we didn't say anything too progressive that might hurt LNP donors in the fossil fuel industry.

The part before the party room incident is Bishop applied to the PM's office to go to Lima in the first place arguing that no one there would make the issue even more apparent about Australia as G20 was when they tried to downplay climate change. She was refused leave without explanation, so she went over his head to the party room and made her case and none opposed so she was back on.

Then a few days later Tony added on Andrew Robb without explanation, which has actually pissed off Robb as not only does he go to a conference on a subject he doesn't believe in (alongside things like reality) but that while he was in South America at the time touring for trade meetings now he has to make a large schedule adjustment to several trade meetings just so he can go to Peru, where he is unwanted, to prevent Bishop from doing anything, who doesn't want him to be there.

Kevin Rudd's leadership ambitions:

Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again
Didn't Robb write a few essays on Climate Change and then did a complete 180 when he got the ministerial position?

adamantium|wang
Sep 14, 2003

Missing you
I think that was Hunt.

Halo14
Sep 11, 2001
Release of ministerial travel costs could damage our international standing, government claims

quote:

The Coalition has ignored pre-election promises to improve transparency and refused to release ministers' travel expense details.

The Abbott government is refusing to release documents detailing the cost and purpose of overseas travel by Coalition ministers, claiming they could "cause damage to Australia's international relations" if made public.

The government-wide clampdown comes after embarrassing details of Education Minister Christopher Pyne's lavish trip to London and Rome with his wife were revealed by Fairfax Media in September.

In a letter, the government leader in the Senate, Eric Abetz, refused a request to table correspondence between Prime Minister Tony Abbott's office and ministers concerning approval of international travel by members of the executive.

The blanket refusal has been made despite freedom of information officers in the Education Department seeing no impediment to the release of expense details of Mr Pyne's $30,000 trip to London and Rome in April.

Mr Pyne came under fire after taxpayers were billed $1352 to "day let" a room at a swish London hotel before the minister and his wife, Carolyn, flew back to Australia on the same day. More than $2000 was spent on VIP services at Heathrow Airport for the Pynes.

The documents revealed Mr Pyne had got around guidelines that prevent spouses being funded on overseas trips unless in certain circumstances with a special letter of approval by Mr Abbott's chief-of-staff, Peta Credlin.

The request for documents was made in the Senate after the government refused freedom of information requests by the Transport Workers Union to nine different departments, including Health, Defence, Industry, Treasury and Attorney-General.

The Gillard government routinely released travel cost documents, including six separate requests under FOI laws in relation to the travel expenses of then foreign minister Kevin Rudd.

Labor was hit with headlines including the "huge travel splurge of globe-trotting federal MPs".

In the Coalition's pre-election policy blueprint, Real Solutions, the then Opposition promised that in government: "We will restore accountability and improve transparency measures to be more accountable to you."

In his letter of November 24 to Senate President Stephen Parry, refusing Labor's request to produce documents, Senator Abetz said fulfilling the request would "substantially divert the resources … from its other operations" of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet.

"The Department also advises that any correspondence that may be identified could include information, which if released publicly would, or could reasonably be expected to cause damage to Australia's international relations," Mr Abetz wrote.

Labor Senator Joe Ludwig said Mr Abbott's claim to greater transparency in Real Solutions could be chalked up as "another lie".

"This once again demonstrates a government that's shrouded in secrecy and afraid of the truth. The previous Labor government released this type of information to the public, what does the Abbott government have to hide?" he said.

Mr Abbott was forced to tighten rules around travel entitlements for all members of Parliament last year after revelations by Fairfax Media.

They included Attorney-General George Brandis and Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce claiming $1700 and $650 respectively to attend the 2011 wedding of Sydney radio presenter Michael Smith.

Mr Joyce, Foreign Affairs Minister Julie Bishop and Liberal MP Teresa Gambaro claimed $12,000 in overseas study allowance for flights back from an Indian society wedding in 2011 at the invitation of mining magnate Gina Rinehart.

Mr Abbott paid back money he had billed taxpayers to attend two weddings in 2006, including that of former speaker of the House and Liberal Party defector Peter Slipper.

Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again
Yeah I think you're right. There's so much chameleon shapeshifting opinions that die and birth in Liberal ministers that it's hard to keep up.

Cartoon
Jun 20, 2008

poop

Pred1ct posted:

So apparently a book called Australia's Secret War just became a joint winner of the PM's literary prize for history. It's a book about how evil unions striked during the war, preventing supplies from being shipped and causing our brave diggers to die.

It was published by Quadrant, of which the editor is Keith Windschuttle. You may remember him as the guy who wrote "histories" of Australia with the sole purpose of "proving" that the Stolen Generations never happened.

Read what a sane person has to say about it here:

https://overland.org.au/2014/01/the-looming-war-on-trade-unions/
Does he mention the bit where the Allied high command repeatedly ignored the requests for more supplies and better supply lines resulting in 'Aw Diggas' getting less than 10% of the minimum rations? (Grognards note that our high casualty rate was not due to 'cowardice' as it was characterised by the SCSWPA {MacArthur} but because the front line troops were without food for weeks at a time). Windschuttle really is a grub.

No mention of:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-08/ill-fated-asylum-seeker-forced-to-wait-for-medical-transfer/5952756

quote:

Bureaucratic process often brings delays, doctor says

Dr Peter Young, a former head of mental health services in immigration detention for IHMS, told the ABC that reports such as the one recommending Mr Kehazaei's medical evacuation would have been forwarded immediately to the Immigration Department. But Dr Young said there were often delays as a result. "The processes are that those type of recommendations are made and put through to the relevant decision-makers in the department fairly quickly, certainly in my experience when I was there," he said. "The difficulty then becomes what happens through the internal processes in the department and the minister's office. And often they come back with questions and further questions and then all of that just delays the process. The department has been very critical of IHMS at different times in these sort of circumstances, and their feedback has been consistently that IHMS has been too ready to refer people for treatment offsite. It's come up in lots of discussions and feedback from the department."

International Health and Medical Services declined to comment to the ABC, referring questions to Immigration Minister Scott Morrison's office.

Mr Morrison also declined to comment, saying the case was a matter for the Queensland Coroner.

Please note that this is a failure in precisely the system that Morrison has now legislated to include the fate of EVEN MORE people. Note also what happens when there is a problem. This is a dark cloud over a festering boil on our national character (One only hopes that it leads to a "life-threatening systemic infection").

And just to lighten the mood: When the Telegraph is front paging Bishop going over the PM's head then I'm calling trouble in Toon Town. This may only be the beginning of the end but the narrative has now been set as this being a dysfunctional and internally warring administration. No friends NTATA leads Muppet Government into early melt down :dance:

My favourite bit about the Higher Ed Ad Bad is that Minister Pyne's office was unavailable for comment (well that and the grounds that it is being challenged under isn't that it is transparent political advertising but that it is actually not true :laugh: You almost need to practice to gently caress up this badly).

PaletteSwappedNinja
Jun 3, 2008

One Nation, Under God.

You Am I posted:

I am so pleased that the adults are back in charge. God only knows how Labor and those inner city latte sipping Greenies would've handled this :colbert:

Labor bypassed caretaker election laws in order to play ads for their sick new asylum seeker policies in the immediate run-up to the last election.

Gough Suppressant
Nov 14, 2008
While I really would enjoy seeing Abbott kicked down by his own party, I'd prefer he remain the leader because that is the surest way of getting the lot of them out of power next election.

tithin
Nov 14, 2003


[Grandmaster Tactician]



PaletteSwappedNinja posted:

Labor bypassed caretaker election laws in order to play ads for their sick new asylum seeker policies in the immediate run-up to the last election.

Were those adverts financed by taxpayer money?

Anidav
Feb 25, 2010

ahhh fuck its the rats again
Was Bob Carr the thinktank behind those policies? gently caress that guy so much, why would you raise the bar against the Liberals? It will only end up with this horrible Morrison run deathtrap.

CATTASTIC
Mar 31, 2010

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When I was a young'n I thought Bob Carr and John Howard were the same person.

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PaletteSwappedNinja
Jun 3, 2008

One Nation, Under God.

tithin posted:

Were those adverts financed by taxpayer money?

Yes.

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