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Eh, what the hell. I'm 23, a little young to really call myself an adult in this day and age, but close enough. Recently made a mistake that has me unsure of my virginity. When puberty kicked in for me in my second year of high school, my body kinda screwed the pooch, and my hormones went all out of whack leaving me with untreated depression for about 3 years. I spent the first year driving myself crazy out of disdain for my first crush, I just couldn't handle just how downright invasive a crush can be on your other thoughts. Then I had something snap inside me, flipped the crush to a different friend, and went with it this time. The big complication here is that with the depression, it was less a healthy relationship and more me clinging to her as my sole emotional support. Needless to say, it was surprising she tolerated it for a month, and it ended pretty drat quick. Given that I wasn't in a state where I wasn't taking care of myself emotionally, when she dropped the relationship I hit the ground. Hard. I then proceeded to rinse repeat with a different friend, and then a third, each time clinging for support and then hitting rock bottom when, surprise, they didn't want to deal with my poo poo. After a third year of totaling my grades and then begging my teacher's for mercy while scrambling to fix my grades(Depression can be very cyclic, thank god it cropped up at the start of those years and not the end) my parents and me had a realization that maybe, just maybe, a psychiatrist therapist combo might be in order. The first bout of antidepressants attempted unfortunately backfired, and I one last time leaped onto a friend for emotional safety and clung to her for dear life. She put up with my poo poo the least of the bunch, but at the end of the day her blunt handling of it put me down the gentlest and she was the only one of the lot to remain a friend afterwards. That particular dive into depression was probably the worst of the lot, and I managed to lose a full ride scholarship and got myself flunked back home with my parents. The second attempt at treatment, thankfully, went much better and at this point I would consider myself a fairly well adjusted person, albeit with absolutely trashed study habits. I spent the first year back home with my parents working, and eventually felt comfortable enough with where I was to go back to college. I spent the first year or two staying the hell away from women for two reasons: 1) I wanted the drat degree and didn't want to risk screwing that up over another bad relationship and 2) after all that depression crap it was really important to me that I get the degree on my own, to show that yes I drat well can take care of myself. I've gradually grown less militant on the subject, but after nearly half a decade of not dating, the idea of getting into a relationship has become almost a novelty. And now for the reason I'm not certain of my virginity status. Recently a very sexually aggressive girl had moved into the circle of people I hang out with. Now, even in my worst of times I've been a quiet guy. My idea of a great evening with a girl is a quiet snuggly night where the two of us wind up just quietly listening to each other breathing and feeling our chests begin to rise and fall together as we begin to breathe in unison. So right off the bat, I realize that what I want and what this girl wants are completely at odds with each other and repeatedly spurn her advances. After about a month of this, for reasons I can't really comprehend, one night knowledge of the way this girl constantly went, "sex, sex, sex, I love sex. I'm just so surprised that you don't want to have sex with me!" completely failed me  . It was this night that I learned that my beta personality and ignorance of sex do not mix well with sexually aggressive women at all. So I made a move on her because, well frankly I'm not an intelligent man and expected a night of cuddling. She pushed for sex straight away, because surprise, she was exactly what she professed to be. The speed at which she pushed forward wound up leaving me lost and confused, and I basically just kind of locked up. My memories from there on are kind of hazy, but two things I am sure of is that I sure as hell didn't go off and that she was just as far gone mentally as I was, just on the other end of the spectrum. So yeah, I'm not sure what the hell happened that night and don't really know how I rate virginity wise.At the end of the day, the only real effect of that event is that uncertainity over whether or not I fit a really, rather pointless term. I still maintain the same opinion on where sex belongs as I have my entire life, namely to save that crap until I'm married. I don't hold that belief because I'm some sort of prude, or that premarital sex is some horrible abomination. I hold that view for a very simple reason, I'm human, and as a human I gently caress things up all the time. I draw the line before sex because, well quite frankly when I inevitably screw up and step over that line I'll still have some room between me and things that are truly dangerous. So yeah, TLDR, I stayed a virgin by being hosed up for a quarter of my life, and would rather appease my sex drive by wanking it than by risking a gently caress up where I wind up having unprotected sex.
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Feb 22, 2014 06:54
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Gammatron 64 posted:I'm in the same boat, buddy. I lost my virginity at 22... but I haven't had a girlfriend since then, and I'm lonely as hell. You can pay a dog to love you in food! As for actual people, you're not going to romantic comedy style yourself into a love affair in a matter of days/hours. Attempting that ends... poorly.
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Feb 23, 2014 02:29
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Some Guy TT posted:This attitude has caused me to be self-conscious about using the word female anytime I write and goddamnit I hate that it's a perfectly good word and I'm sick of having to use girl and woman all the time English needs more good words for describing females. Fortunately due to the wonders of language there are hundreds of words and phrases for just that! And almost 1% of them aren't offensive!
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Feb 23, 2014 06:04
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Are dating sites really that bad with obvious gold diggers? Keep in mind that I'm talking about people asking for specific salaries and crap, there's enough social dysfunction in this thread that I feel a decent number of people are capable of mistaking a girl wanting to know if you're economically stable with solid life goals and a girl asking how much is in your wallet.
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Feb 25, 2014 01:21
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MonkeyforaHead posted:Also I wasn't aware being a functional adult mandated being above the middle-class income bracket, but thanks, good to know Like I said, there is a BIG difference between wanting someone financially stable and wanting someone with lots of $$ to support you. I won't say I agree with the guy that took it as far as what the quote implies, but being poor IS a negative influence on a relationship. It's stressful as all hell, and I've seen it wreck marriages. It doesn't make you terrible for not being well off, but by the same token if a girl is looking for someone without that problem it doesn't make them a terrible gold digger.
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Feb 25, 2014 01:50
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Chairchucker posted:Looking at this thread, I don't know how you'd come by the conclusion that those choosing to wait are the judgey weirdos. Well, just going by what I remember reading there were three of us that voiced something on the matter: I said I'm doing it so that when I gently caress up I'll still have a safety net region between me and the more dangerous/risky unprotected crap You declined comment And there was a girl that said her decisions was based on religious grounds, and consequently hosed her up. This one would probably count as being a judgey weirdo as she put her well being on the side for her beliefs on the subject at the time. So yeah, it doesn't exactly support that all of us are judgey weirdos, but 1/3 of us fitting the bill is support for the stereotype.
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Feb 28, 2014 13:31
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lidnsya posted:An artist's depiction of the struggle to lose his virginity: I... Why would you buy that when a toaster oven exists? Like, at least with the sandwich press you can use it as a pair of hotplates, but that is literally just a hotdog toaster. I mean, who has room on their counters for that kind of crap?
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Feb 28, 2014 16:23
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Sardonik posted:Jennifer Government was a great book. It would probably make a great movie. Why? I mean it's not like the activity promotes gently caress all interaction between the two of you... e: VVVVVVVVVV 
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Feb 28, 2014 18:52
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Sexgun Rasputin posted:it's ok whatever people want to do if they want to gently caress now or whenever Counterpoint, not irrelevant, just unnecessary. If you hold a relationship together long enough without sex, you've proven that it can function just fine without sex, let alone with merely bad/ok sex.
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Feb 28, 2014 23:16
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Spiffo posted:sex her dummy To be fair, depending on how it went down and the guys mentality not going after her there could have been a valid response. I'm single focused as all hell, and if I walked out of the bathroom and there was a naked lady in my bed the I'd strip a gear and any attempt at mood would be killed by super complicated thoughts like "you're naked." Likewise, she coulda' wound up naked in bed by any number of more gradual means and things would have been just fine. Either way, the fact that she put herself there and nothing happened is beyond an obvious sign that their interests didn't align. That said, there is no justifying the depiction of the guys actions. That level of reaction would be overdoing it for someone dying, he needs to grow up and move on rather than making everyone(including himself) miserable.
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Mar 1, 2014 20:40
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12gauge posted:Shouldn't I? They're symptoms of the same problem to me. A person can be perfectly social, but live within social circles where there aren't many women. In that case sex is only really obtainable through actively seeking it, often through means that would be undesirable to introverts. I'm honestly kind of confused by just how prevalent in this thread the idea that if you haven't thrust your penis in a vagina, or a penis rammed into your vagina, that you're some broken sod that can't interact with people.
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Mar 2, 2014 01:42
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Forceholy posted:Haha no. If someone wants a relationship, they have to let their intentions be known within, like, a minute of meeting them. I wouldn't become friends with the intention of intimacy. That way lies Madness, full of fedoras and bitterness. The way that works is that you make the friendship not caring if you get a relationship and then something happens anyway. The thing is, is that if things go south you're likely down a friend, so it's a risk you need to consider before acting should feelings develop. It's not a thing you can plan for, it's more a side effect of being a decent person that made friends. 12gauge posted:Okay, I can understand that, though I don't think anyone like that posted here. I dunno, being single has never really bothered me outside of the period where I was suffering from serious depression and its been about half a decade since then. Of course, I just randomly picked up a date with a girl out of the blue so what do I know?
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Mar 2, 2014 02:17
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12gauge posted:Well, there you have it. I've been suffering serious depression for most of my life. Loneliness is the main reason for it, but it's a messy vicious cycle; I'm depressed because I'm alone and I'm alone because who'd want to be with this mopey thing anyway? People talk about finding validation or whatever, they say 'you have to love yourself before you love anybody else' but I don't understand that. Look at it this way, just from your description it sounds like you view other people as something you absolutely need. And while having been through serious depression I know you can't just think away mismatched brain chemicals, part of the process for recovering from that mentality is seeking the ability to support yourself so that you know you don't need them to be complete. Because at the end of the day, if you rely on someone else for happiness, you will get hurt. People constantly enter and leave your life, whether it be graduating from the schools you attended together, a change in job venue, or even death. The only constant person in your life is you, so in order to interact with others healthily you need to know you can support yourself. In the words of a wise philospher, "I say gently caress you, Jo-bu, I do it myself" Of course for all I know I just wrote a big old paragraph because I saw my past rather than reality, and I'm no therapist, so take it with a grain of salt.
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Mar 2, 2014 03:01
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Demon Of The Fall posted:I'm glad my brain works semi-normally and I don't have depression. I don't get headaches either, hopefully that doesn't mean I'm due for a huge aneurysm when I'm 35, then the jokes on me. Nah, since this thread seems to be full of people being sad and alone, you'll probably get alzheimer's and die alone despite being surrounded by your loved ones.
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Mar 2, 2014 03:42
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12gauge posted:my last psychiatrist insisted I take pills that made me suicidal. The first thing you need to know about antidepressants is that the things are drat dangerous, and can backfire pretty spectacularly. The thing is however, if nothing else is working and the problem is a chemical imbalance in your head, they're the last line of defense. A good psychiatrist can usually pick things that work fairly quickly, but it might take a couple attempts to find something that works and you should stick with it through that. Lord knows my first prescribed medication didn't work and backfired spectacularly. And as corny as this might sound, if you want independence, at the end of the day the only one who can give it to you is yourself.
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Mar 2, 2014 04:46
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12gauge posted:I had a bit of rant about that here, deleted it because what's the point really..mind if I ask, what did you take that backfired? I honestly don't remember other than that it was an antidepressant & supplement combination. I'm kinda godawful with names kaworu posted:To be serious here, I feel like this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the issue that most people have. Or the issue that I had. Yeah, just going out and having sex with a random person won't help most people who are virgins much at all. Those who don't care about being a virgin won't care enough to do it and will be just fine. Of those that do care, at least in this thread, the number that feel that being a virgin is the problem rather than a symptom of some bigger issue are at best a minuscule portion of those present.
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Mar 2, 2014 15:53
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benzine posted:I wonder how some of the virgoons look, I imagine some must look normal. I'd like to imagine that I'm fairly attractive on account of never actually having been turned down, but I'm also fairly overweight(Freshman 15? more like freshman 50) and just now getting a hold back on my physical shape.
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Mar 3, 2014 00:06
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ZergFluid posted:I'm posting in this thread to offer a perspective on the plight of virginal men that's more nuanced than the cackling from those eager to entirely blame the men themselves for failing this way. Basically what you people are doing is PLEADING not to even consider that perspective. As one of those virginal men, gently caress off. This is like white knighting, except it's worse because your attempts to "help" are saying that we're a bunch of losers rolling in the mud that are powerless to help ourselves against big mean societies. Yes, some/many of us are hosed up or have been hosed up, but no matter how much you may insist otherwise, we're still responsible for our actions. You're an rear end for suggesting otherwise. On a less serious note, how the hell does this sex ladder thing work anyways? I mean the darn thing could tip over at any moment from that kind of stress and someone could get hurt. Really though if you want to rank women/men at all you only need four states: the combinations provided by the questions, "Do I think they're cute" and "are they interested in me". By combining the two answers to these simple questions, you too can know exactly where you stand with that person romantically!
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Mar 3, 2014 05:32
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hate pants posted:I am an ugly guy with a hot as gently caress gf AMA What are stances on sandwich presses?
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Mar 3, 2014 16:29
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Motherfucker posted:Dude you're hot. The fact that while getting the balls to tell a girl you're interested is tough, just up and asking them aside, saying what it is that they attracted you with, and then asking for a date(using the word "date" specifically, ambiguity with this stuff is BAD) tends to have a fairly high success rate?
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Mar 3, 2014 19:34
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Hmmm you know, I think Zerg's theory doesn't really hold water at all. Dogs and Cats have sex more often the poorer and worse off they are, as the rich ones that are a good catch tend to be spayed and neutered. Clearly he has not thought this through adequately. 
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Mar 4, 2014 00:46
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ZergFluid posted:I do not consider women past 30 to be "grandmas." This is a point I stressed earlier as well so I think it's disingenuous of you to keep stating this. Don't worry, his distaste for you is quite sincere. Just as everyone who has posted saying they find your stubborn insistence of the validity of these beliefs to be rather rather amusing are.
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Mar 4, 2014 01:12
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12gauge posted:gently caress, I'm depressing myself. Why? You do realize that for all the hosed up things you've said you felt you were, you're still more level headed and mature than this nut right? Make use of that time honored tradition of looking beneath you and feeling better, because at least you're not that... thing.
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Mar 4, 2014 01:18
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ZergFluid posted:I wish I touched a boob. You don't touch yourself when you shower?
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Mar 4, 2014 01:27
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12gauge posted:He's just a guy trying to make sense of the pain he's in. It could be much worse anyway. Looks like I mucked up my tone a bit, was making a bit of an off colored(and off topic) jab at how people tend to look beneath them to make themselves feel better. My honest opinion of him is that he's got a fear of responsibility for himself that matches my fear of not being responsible for the stuff in my life.
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Mar 4, 2014 01:45
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docbeard posted:Don't be so quick to dismiss sexual economics. Trust me, once you dim the lights, put on some Barry White on the stereo, and curl up with your special lady or gent in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine and a cogent analysis of the Fed's plans to raise interest rates... Rampant inflation I believe.
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Mar 4, 2014 02:33
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Suntory BOSS posted:edit; The people whose benefit you're ostensibly posting for are telling you to gently caress off Have been for a while, under no uncertain terms  But it's ok, zergfluid, we totally understand that it's not depression, a lack of attention to our appearances, a short supply of self confidence, or any other number of factors that we can work at to make ourselves better people that are keeping us down. It is clearly the man and we are weak and powerless against him, and we all can thank you for opening our eyes to this! On a serious note dude, I don't know what traumatized you to the point at which you're so insistent that you lack the power and control over your life that is necessary for you to be responsible for it, but whatever it is is unhealthy as all hell, and that's a serious understatement. If you never take responsibility for your actions, that means someone else is, and that you're dependent upon them, and you'll never be an independent functioning adult. By spouting this nonsense about how it's the man that's keeping you and the imaginary people you're trying to sympathize with down, you are choosing to figuratively enslave yourself to someone else's power rather than admit that maybe you're part of where you are in life. That's just.. sad, really. Go get yourself some help while there's still time to turn your life around, because otherwise you're actively choosing to waste it and that's nobody's fault but your own. moot4king posted:Thinking about posting my story but it would probably be me rambling about my depression, anxiety and apathy. At least I'm not suicidal anymore knock yourself out. Hell with zerg drawing all the fire, you'll probably get a lot of sympathy and less of the laughter at your expense. FoolyCharged fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Mar 4, 2014 |
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Mar 4, 2014 04:42
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Red Dragon posted:You are probably a white hispanic. They get pass's from alot people. Being black is the lowest thing you can be in this country. Our sexual capital is non existant. I'm just gonna throw this out there, but maybe it's less the skin color and more the very hostile "Us and Them" attitude you seem to be taking? Hostility tends to be a turn off for a lot of people for things as simple as general politeness, let alone friendship or romantic affairs.
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Mar 4, 2014 05:01
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Sardonik posted:5 Ironically, it was the loss of my core group of friends that got me looking again. I was pretty content in my social life devoid of women and then those bastards all graduated in a timely manner and left me with a bunch of free time and nothing to fill it with, so I started looking for new stuff to do. There's no shame in having a friend hook you up as long as you realize that it'll have to be pretty casual while you and the date get to know each other.
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Mar 4, 2014 06:16
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April posted:Assume a woman has a baby at, say, 17, and gives it up for adoption. You meet her, not knowing anything about it, and have sex with her. Eh, saying that pregnancy doesn't have a lot of negative effects on the female body that can last a bit, such as stretch marks and the like, is as dumb as claiming that poo poo that minor "ruins" them. It's something you shouldn't really care about, but it's still there, and you should be aware of it because some people can be insecure about it.
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Mar 4, 2014 18:54
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I'm not sure whats worse, the sheer number of terms I'm discovering that idiots use to deny responsibility for not getting what they want, or the fact that so many people seem to know what the hell so many of these things are to the point at which they can use them to mock the inventors of those terms. Have I just been living under a rock? Is all this nonsense that prevalent?
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Mar 5, 2014 00:29
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squeegee posted:It is really sad that people have such a tenuous grasp on recent history. I mean, your parents were probably alive at that time. It's not exactly obscure. Devil's advocate here, but it's a buzzword for a specific period of a trend that's been going on for ages. Half a century earlier than that there was a huge buzz when growing sexual openness led to the popularity of women's swimsuits that didn't cover the legs! Gasp!
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Mar 6, 2014 01:46
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Humanoid Female posted:Whatever anybody's personal opinion of the sexual revolution, it's ludicrous to talk like it's some obscure phrase that nobody had ever heard before this thread. I hadn't, or if I had forgot it because it's really not all that important of a term  That said, I was also able to pin the time period it was referring to pretty quickly to the point at which I didn't shout "that's not a thing" either.
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Mar 6, 2014 02:06
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EN Bullshit posted:Yeah, you're right. I'll restate that: Eh, not always my process is as follows 1)well that sucks 2)can I make it stop sucking? 3)no? well that sucks 4)what do I have to do to stop it from sucking more? 5)ok, that's done, now what is a problem I can do something about?
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Mar 9, 2014 16:28
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Sharkie posted:Are you saying that there's not more to sexual compatibility than sex drive? Well, I certainly wouldn't say yes to a girl that needed fursuits on either one of us to get it off. I dunno about what makes sex compatible, but I'd wager everyone has got a list of 'incompatible'.
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Mar 10, 2014 01:53
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Well golly, I sure have been going about things wrong. All this time I've been trying to be a genuinely nice guy and show interest in the women in my social circles because they share an interest(s) with me! How silly of me to not know that the key to getting people to like you is to be a complete asshat and treat them like garbage! I hope these incel and MRA types don't keep any pets, because if that's how they treat people(who are capable of leaving), god knows what they'd do to a cute lil' critter that can't.
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Mar 10, 2014 17:58
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serious norman posted:Action plan if you cant get laid I prefer my two step method 1. Be a brick at a construction site 2. Get laid
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Mar 12, 2014 19:43
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Well, I think talking out of your rear end about things you don't know about is a pretty common trait among everybody. I like to think that I'm aware enough of it that I can put disclaimers when I do, but lord knows sometimes I'm too lazy to. That said, I don't understand all these huge lists, I never put that much complication into it. I just ask the girl I'm interested in for a moment of her time in order to get her alone and then ask her if she wants to go on a date with me. I'm not the worlds most attractive man, but just walking up and asking them has worked well enough for me.
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Mar 14, 2014 17:17
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Tjadeth, have you ever considered the fact that you fear for your safety that often is unhealthy? You're kind of giving me the impression that you're scared that the world/men are out to assault/rape/kill you. Have you considered taking self defense classes to help feel confident in your ability to defend yourself?
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Mar 16, 2014 18:06
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Tjadeth posted:I'm pretty fine with my own safety. I do know for certain that every female friend I have ever discussed this with takes potential dangers into account when going out 1) at night, 2) alone, in underpopulated places, or 3) alone but with a male stranger. My best friend has a stabby-cat keychain. I sometimes carry pepper spray, but not often, because I don't want it to go off in my purse and then my cell phone smells like pepper for a month. Fair enough, looks like I just mistook a few statements from you as the whole picture. Those are all occasions where anyone, regardless of their gender(or that of the stranger in #3), should be safety conscious.
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Mar 16, 2014 18:28
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