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You are JEFF.  It is a summer afternoon. You have just woken up.  You are sitting on the COUCH when you are struck by the memory of every lost love, every wasted opportunity, every fading memory of each intangible moment. You are stricken by ennui.  You are holding a WARM BEER. There is a LAPTOP next to you. What do you do?
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Jul 20, 2014 17:46
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 03:41 |
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SCROTEBUSTIN posted:scream The images outside taunt you. Happy children, playing without a care. A dog catches a frisbee.  "loving normals!" you shout at your window. No one noticed. That's it. unlimited shrimp posted:> plug laptop into wall You plug the LAPTOP into a socket unknown and place your hand upon it. The WARM BEER in your other hand calls out to you. "Do it, you loving pussy. I dare you."   *bloop*  Nothing happens. You must've drank more than you thought, and you aren't even disappointed. You expected this.  THE loving MOON posted:>Check browser history With another failed suicide attempt under your belt, you decide check your browser history. 
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Jul 20, 2014 18:18
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Skeleton King posted:type 'bendyman' into search bar  Your search results only seem to bring up childrens toys, which you have grown out of. You decide to go to the only place that can help you. Demon of the East posted:Scratch rear end  Ahh, that's better. Now, back to the internet. 
Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Jul 27, 2014 |
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Jul 20, 2014 18:33
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Machai posted:> never post in your e/n thread ever again  Dongattack posted:>fart ffffft  Hmmm. When did I eat coconuts? butplug accident posted:self-diagnose with aspergers or similar using an online test so you can justify all the anti-social choices you've made in life Arkanomen posted:>change your clothes or at least get on some new socks. Changing into your regular attire, you realized something all along. You have a disorder, and it's not your fault.  Now what?
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Jul 20, 2014 19:17
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nisroc posted:all dressed up. Go into the kitchen, have shot of vodka. whoflungpoop posted:> call gay ex in portrait Who needs a kitchen when your liquor shelf is right next to the front door?  You dial up Jerry on your cell phone.  "Hey...ba~by. Didja missh me?!" The words stumble out of your mouth. You have no control. "I thought I told you to stop calling me here? I've moved on, so should you." "But...I lovesh you..." "It's over." *beeeeeeep*  In your drunken stupor, you wander outside. The doo-dad on your mailbox is up. The children notice you. 
Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 20, 2014 20:06
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Dubsy posted:>drop pants The belt came undone, the zipper went down. A smartphone was already in the boys hand, his fingers pressing 911.  Demon of the East posted:> challenge the children to a game of jump rope You pull out your favourite jump rope from your secret hiding spot. 
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Jul 20, 2014 20:19
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vyst posted:>offer candy The chocolate bar you pulled out of your rear end in a top hat might be a little warm and soft, but it's still good. The boy doesn't seem to want it.  Demon of the East posted:> Indiana Jones style whip the phone from the boy's hand Good thing the candy was an elaborate ruse to drop the boys guard! His (presumably) sister runs off, screaming for her mother!  Waltzing Along posted:open mailbox The boys head hits the ground with a sickening crack. Crimson fluids start to pour out of his head. His phone is in pieces, and his hat is yours. He is defeated. Now, for the mailbox. 
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Jul 20, 2014 20:47
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Waltzing Along posted:stuff boy in mailbox The snapping of bone and tearing of flesh is a familiar sound to you, but you don't know why. It's not like you've ever killed anyone before now...is it?  With the child ready to be mailed, you cross the street, in search of the girl. (End of Day 1)
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Jul 20, 2014 21:06
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Pyroi posted:> Begin Night 1. what's wrong?  why are you screaming? (Real updates tomorrow)
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Jul 21, 2014 00:49
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a cop posted:Do an update today motherfucker If people insist, but if there's a drop in quality, blame it on me being up for 30 hours
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Jul 21, 2014 02:20
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The young boys face put up more of a fight than you expected, but when you're trying to do it with your teeth and nails, you can't expect it quick and easy. The sun has set, just as you have set upon the house across the street. LATE NIGHT ENCOUNTER!  An unkempt man in his unmentionables is brandishing a fire arm at you. The young girl from earlier is clutched in his other hand. "Where's mah fucken' son?!" he barks at you. "I am your son."  (tomorrow)
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Jul 21, 2014 02:47
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Whirlwind Jones posted:idk why you're all pixely and everyone else is just scribbly and poo poo seems like you just got lazy and ditched the theme but oh well it's not like anyone actually takes these dumb threads seriously. kind of jarring visually though, just saying. trust me, i'm going back to the style tomorrow. i just had the ideas going today and went with it.
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Jul 21, 2014 02:51
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The flow of time shifts. The world around you warps to make a more consistent timeline.  Once again, the boys face is yours. In this timeline, it is still daylight. You cross the street.  "Where's mah fucken' son?!" "I am your son." Waltzing Along posted:Show him your penis. "Awwgh!" The man closes his eyes and fires a shot. His daughter screams.   The medallion around your neck shifts to meet the bullet!  A piece of it breaks off. It's looking fragile now. Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Jul 21, 2014 |
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Jul 21, 2014 21:04
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Fandyien posted:>slice the man up ninja style with my sonichu fragment If Tenchu taught you anything, it's that reflex is everything. And shurikens rule.  Aiming for his gun-hand, you attempt a disarm (not unlike Batman)  "Hnnng! Mah hand!!" he screams! His daughter runs into the house, screaming for her life.  "Whaddya want from me?!" Waltzing Along posted:ask to see the fathers penis Demon of the East posted:> fake left, the go right and tackle the man and begin to strangle him with your dropped pants  The loss of his hand has weakened him and put him into shock (your rock hard erection pressing into his back doesn't help either). If this were any other day, he'd be able to pummel you into the dirt. But today isn't like any other day. Today is The Day that was foretold. Dubsy posted:>call gay ex back You lose your erection and pull your phone out. Jerry is on redial.  Riiiiing...riiiiing...riiiiing...riii -- "Hello?"  What do you say? Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Jul 21, 2014 |
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Jul 21, 2014 22:26
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Arrhythmia posted:>tell him with complete honesty and conviction what's happened in the last hour. "Well, I just finished strangling my neighbour with my pants while wearing his sons' face." "That's some kind of joke, right? "No. This is very real." red plastic cup posted:Become incapable of regretting all your previous actions. "It was really hard getting the kids face off. Do you know how hard it is to chew through skin?" Jerry pauses. "...have you been taking your medication?" "I've discovered an even more potent medication: Murder." "You're scaring me! What have you done?" "I've murdered a man and his son, haven't you been listening?" "I'm hanging up." quote:then say "i love u" and shoot gun into the sky then hang up "I LOVE YOU"  Jerry hangs up. Waltzing Along posted:put the gun in the hand. pull up your pants. cut off fathers face and wear it. follow girl into house. You decide to get back to basics. The boys face (Timmy, you affectionately called it) is no longer needed. He belongs with his father, whose larger face seems more fitting for you. 
Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 02:24 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 21, 2014 23:13
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SCROTEBUSTIN posted:scream for ten consecutive minutes You scream!  Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 02:24 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 21, 2014 23:26
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The screaming inspired you.AzureRequiem posted:>build a goku It's a good thing you used to frequent the cosplay scene, dressing exclusively as characters from Dragon Ball Z.  The Goku pants were a little hard to get on, but they were the biggest pair you had! You have three GOKU outfits remaining. Arkanomen posted:>JEFF NEEDS FOOD BADLY Your stomach rumbles, and you haven't gone grocery shopping this week. There's GOTTA be something to eat out here.   SOME TIME LATER dontcareaboutname posted:>take off clothes put on dad's clothes to finish disguise Dubsy posted:>do fatherly things wearing the face until she loves you whoflungpoop posted:> force girl to reveal location of her My Little Pony dolls After some searching around, you found something perfect to eat for you...  ...and your guests. 
Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 06:30 on Jul 22, 2014 |
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Jul 22, 2014 06:13
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THE loving MOON posted:>Eat the dinosaur, Goodbye, Pinkie Pie.  THE loving MOON posted:then go in the next room to buttchug a couple brews Hello Heineken!  Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 11:26 on Jul 22, 2014 |
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Jul 22, 2014 07:31
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     "Oh my god..." 
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Jul 22, 2014 11:22
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Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 22:57 on Jul 22, 2014 |
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Jul 22, 2014 22:50
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Jul 23, 2014 01:38
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Pyroi posted:> Recap just what the hell is going on. LAST TIME ON "JEFF QUEST" YOU WERE SAD  YOU DEVELOPED ASPERGERS  YOUR GAY EX REJECTED YOU  YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF TO CHILDREN  YOU MAILED A CHILD AND ACQUIRED HIS FACE  YOU KILLED A MAN IN "SELF-DEFENSE" YOU KIDNAPPED HIS DAUGHTER YOU DEGRADED YOURSELF ON THE INTERNET  THIS TIME ON "JEFF QUEST" Junkfist posted:Are we Jeff? Did we become Tyler? What's Tyler, is it like Killer Bob from Twin Peaks? "Jeff...am I Jeff? Who...am I? What's...what am I--" Your cellphone rings. "Jerry" appears in the caller ID. *beep*  He sounds disgusted. "I knew you had problems, but I didn't think you were some sort of twisted loving pervert!" "What...what are you even talking about?" "Don't play dumb with me! I get an email and it directs me to some website, where my mentally deranged ex-boyfriend is putting beer bottles up his rear end, AND SPRAYING IT ALL OVER HIS ROOM." Oh god, your webcam is on! You don't even remember turning it on... "Listen Jerry, I--" "No you listen! You hosed me, then snubbed me. You love me, you hate me. You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total rear end in a top hat. Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?"  We have just lost cabin pressure.  "What did you just say?" you ask. "What is wrong with you?!" "What did you just call me? Say my name!" "Tyler Durden! Tyler Durden, you loving freak! What's going on? I'm coming over." "Wait no, Jerry I'm --" He hung up. Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 23, 2014 03:11
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Waltzing Along posted:>you are Jack's inflamed sense of rejection  "You broke your promise." Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 03:33 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 23, 2014 03:28
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Junkfist posted:>Grab your laptop and incant "Ade due damballa. Give me the power I beg of you. Secoise entienne mais pois de morte. Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette. Endonline pour de boisette damballa! Secoise entienne mais pois de morte. Endelieu pour de boisette damballa!" The laptop is in your hands. It is time for the incantation. Tyler smirks as he removes his fur coat. "Ade due damballa!"  "Give me the power I beg of you!"  "Secoise entienne mais pois de morte! Nnk!" Tyler's foot strikes you in your exposed scrotum.  You fall to the ground, but you do not stop. "Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette!" Tyler stands above you, staring into your eyes.  "Endonline pour de boisette damballa! Secoise entienne mais pois de morte!"  "Endelieu pour de boisette damballa!"    FIN Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 23, 2014 05:28
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Jul 23, 2014 06:04
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Arkanomen posted:What was our final score? Bad. Like, baaaad. You guys were supposed to help Jeff become a better person, not an insane murderer! Thanks to everyone who participated. Sorry if I didn't choose your suggestion, I tried to fit in as many as I could without totally losing the plot. Whoever the hell CoolJeff420 is, you made this thread a thousand time better than my original idea ever could. Seriously, you're the man. Special thanks to Atma who pretty much inspired me to do one of these with his previous body of work.
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Jul 23, 2014 06:37
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Howard Beale posted:Okay honestly, when you started this did you have any idea you'd end up drawing a pantsless autistic man wearing someone else's face as a mask being kicked in the nuts by his ex-lover? What can I say? I'm a people pleaser. Here to please people like you.
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Jul 23, 2014 07:09
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DrManiac posted:>reload save from the beginning.    
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Jul 24, 2014 04:41
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 You have 0 Goku outfits left. Uh oh...  TO BE CONTINUED...? Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Jul 24, 2014 |
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Jul 24, 2014 04:42
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Waltzing Along posted:Not really sure what was going on  I had the Goku outfits for the kids and some other poo poo left over so I made those as a "Bonus Round" or something. Taking a break until James Cameron Presents Peter Jackson's Jeff Quest 2: Codename "Burger Fresh": The Official Game of the Movie (Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire). Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 05:09 on Jul 24, 2014 |
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Jul 24, 2014 04:51
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PREVIOUSLY ON "JEFF QUEST"  "Is Mattenridge in there?" "Yeah, he's just finishing up."  "Hey Cloves?" Officer Reene Binson stepped under the police tape, entering the crime scene. "McReary wants us to report back to the station and file some paperwork." he says. Mattenridge is silent.  Binson carefully steps around the evidence, closer to Cloves. "Hey, you listening? We gotta get outta here."  Cloves Mattenridge opens his eyes. "There's something wrong here, Reene. Something very wrong." His eyes are fixated on the corpse under the bloody sheet. Binson was more of a realist. "What are you talking about? This guy snapped and murdered his neighbours, that's it." "No..."  "There's something evil here...and I'm going to figure it out." 
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Jul 25, 2014 07:13
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Waltzing Along posted:>be really evil   Jeff has risen. What does it do? Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 07:47 on Jul 25, 2014 |
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Jul 25, 2014 07:18
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Arrhythmia posted:>politely ask the nice man where your clothes are  "Hrrggnn." The medical examiner turns in shock of seeing the recently deceased not only standing, but talking to him. "Hnnhh meegh!" The corpse of Jeff Buckley gestures to itself. The medical examiner screams!  The mortician turns to run, ignoring the zombies plea. "Wehhh mehh gloughs? Son...i...chuuu!" utters the cadaver. It's expression turns to anger. mr.capps posted:>dive onto the cart with the sweet wheels while grabbing the scalpel that is on there    Tracula posted:>rip open the sutures on your chest   iTrust posted:Become the mortician.  (tomorrow) Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 11:40 on Jul 25, 2014 |
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Jul 25, 2014 11:31
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 The last thing that Edgar the Mortician did before he was taken was void his bowels and pull the fire alarm. But being "Unlucky Edgar", the alarm had been disconnected, because the chief figured, "When is there ever going to be a fire in the morgue?"  The being stands up from the pool of blood. "Jeff" has become "Edgar". almightyerin posted:>When you're done becoming the mortician, arrange whatever remains in a pleasing manner. So it looks nice for the next person that comes along.  The old "Edgar" left his clothes and blood all over the place, like an unruly child with his toys. The new Edgar will have to clean it up for him.   Taking responsibility for the old "Edgar", it decides to leave a note for the other morticians.  Nakedness is a vulnerability. "Edgar" decides to dress more appropriately.   pixaal posted:>Call Jerry  Edgars skin remembers there being a telephone on the other side of the door. There is someone they needs to call.  The phone rings. And rings. And rings. Until...  Someone on the other side picks up. "*sniff* I can't talk right now, I'm busy. *sniff sniff*", it says. There is a familiar sadness in it's voice. The thing attempts to speak. "Jer-..ry?" "Yes?" it replies. "I've...come baaack...for...YOOOU..."  The voice on the other end turns from sadness to anger. "Listen up, rear end in a top hat! I don't have time for your stupid loving pranks, alright?!" A quieter voice can be heard in the background. "Who is it, Jerry?"  The familiar voice turns its attention to the other person in the room. "Just some loser screwing with me. How do they keep getting my phone number?" he asks. "Give me the phone, Jerry."  "Edgar" can tell that the phone is changing hands. Why? Where is Jerry?  The unfamiliar voice has taken the phone. "This is Officer Reen Binson of the Metropolitan Police Department. Who is this?" What does it say?
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Jul 26, 2014 04:24
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Waltzing Along posted:>Is your refrigerator running?  Edgar liked jokes. His skin remembers that, and an old favourite comes to mind. "Is your...refrigerator running?" It suppresses a laugh. "Is my refrigerator running?" The officer pauses. Humour is lost on him. "I'm in a goddamn police station! Now who the hell is this?!" drilldo squirt posted:Ask him if he would like a new long distance plan. The memories keep coming back. Before Edgar became a mortician, he worked in a call center, asking people if they were interested in upgrading their cell phone service. "Hello sir or madam, this is Edgar on behalf of T-Mobile calling to let you know that T-Mobile is offering a long distance plan upgrade to your existing account for an increase of only 14.99$ per month, but if you act now you can--" it is rudely interrupted. "Cut the poo poo, this is a MURDER INVESTIGATION! Now who the gently caress is this?" Murder investigation? But why is Jerry there? He did nothing wrong, leave him alone. Regalingualius posted:>Respond by letting out the most inhuman-sounding scream you can manage, then eat the phone.  We scream. The officer screams back.  We don't wish to talk to this "Binson" anymore. This phone is no longer needed. "What the gently caress was that?!" The call ends. Officer Binson checks the caller history on Jerry's phone.  "MPD? Oh my god..."  "The morgue!"
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Jul 26, 2014 07:11
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 The thing leaves the morgue. Jerry is in this building somewhere, it can feel it. There is a man that Edgar remember being called "Terry". The paper that he is reading rustles softly. "Hey Edgar, you done for the day?" he asks as he usually does around this time. What does it do?
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Jul 26, 2014 07:56
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Soag posted:Ask terry what's in the evidence room  "What is in the evidence room, Terry?", asks the Edgar. The newspaper rustles again. "They just shipped in that sicko Buckley's stuff. Some pretty gruesome poo poo, Edgar. But then again, you know all about that kinda stuff." Terry laughs to himself. duckfarts posted:> say "I'm gay" Soag posted:
 The thing remembers an old tactic for picking up people. "I'm gay, let's go out for a drink." "Ehh, I'm a little tired. Raincheck for next week?" Regalingualius posted:>Slowly approach Terry, professing that you've secretly been in love with him for all these years, and can't hold it in any more. When you get close enough, reach out as if to gently caress his face in a loving manner... Then snap his neck and take on his identity. "But Terry...I've always loved you." it says as it raises a hand to Terry's neck.  Terry is dead, but his mind is still screaming. It will stop soon, thinks the creature.  "Terry" stuffs the medical examiners clothes under the desk. Footsteps and voices can be heard coming down the hallway. What does it do?
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Jul 26, 2014 08:51
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RandomPauI posted:>use a cell phone to update your e/n thread  Terry's phone has the best reception down here. Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 09:00 on Jul 26, 2014 |
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Jul 26, 2014 08:54
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Bregor posted:>wait for the people coming down the hall to pass Silly Burrito posted:> Have a well deserved doughnut.  Two police officers with their weapons drawn are running down the hallway, headed for the morgue. "Terry" chews on a chocolate dipped donut from his desk. Arrhythmia posted:>do the crossword  None of these skins were ever particularly good at crossword puzzles. Bregor posted:>make smalltalk until they leave  The paler policeman turns to you before entering the morgue. "You better watch our asses, Terry or else this one is on you." It thinks of a typical "Terry" response. "Mhmm." Atma posted:>do a little can-can dance with your tiny chicken legs  "Terry", once ridiculed for the size of his feet, now proudly dances on top of the table in celebration of being free from the everyday banality that is being a human. Bregor posted:>enter evidence room The path to the evidence room is clear. It can feel the energy emanating from there... Mom with a blog fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Jul 27, 2014 |
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Jul 26, 2014 22:51
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 03:41 |
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>GAME SAVEDVan Kraken posted:>Go into the morgue and flick the lights on and off really fast  Instead of attracting more direct attention to itself, "Terry's" hand changes shape and slides under the morgue door. It is sad that humans cannot adapt when the time comes as it can.  "Bloody footsteps...morticians scrubs are gone...I don't think Buckley was alone in this, Ramirez."  Ramirez was a little wet behind the ears, but Binson figured that it was time for the kid to do something besides filing paperwork all day. "But where'd the body go?" he asks. Officer Binson grabs the walkie-talkie from his belt. "I don't know, but I gotta warn Cloves that this guy is loose in the building." The slimy tentacle slips up to the light switch.  Al Borland posted:>It barricades the morgue door entrance with the desk and a mucus like substance sealing it shut tightly so the officers cannot escape. Then it promptly cuts power to the morgue before heading to the evidence room.  "Terry" pushes his desk in front of the morgue doors and spreads an organic glue to make sure that they stay in there. There is no power line that it can find here. almightyerin and dontcareaboutname posted:>while the cops are in the morgue head to the evidence room. almightyerin and dontcareaboutname posted:>while the cops are in the morgue head to the evidence room. Eat all the PCP and LSD. YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE NOW!!  The thing heads over to the Evidence room and it greeted by a smelly fat man behind a chainlink fence. Terrys skin remembers that he called this man "Captain Moist Panties", ironically of course because he was really quite bad with women, and that he was also a drug dealer. "About time Terry, I've been sitting on this stuff all day. Come on in."  The door opens and "Terry" enters the evidence room. "Cool clock, bro."  Captain Moist Panties pulls a small baggie out of his pocket and hands it to you. "This batch is a little stronger than the last time, so don't get too crazy with it." The Captain smirks.  The thing with Terrys eyes examines the bag closely. Written in permanent marker is "PCP". All of the skins had heard of this drug before, but Terry wanted it. He wanted it now. "Same price as usual." almightyerin posted:Eat all the PCP and LSD.   Swallowing the bag of PCP whole, a shocked expression comes across the face of Captain Moist Panties. "Dude...you just swallowed 5 grams of Angel Dust! You gotta puke that poo poo out, man!" It feels nothing, yet. Terry remembers the effects of the PCP instantly, like a kick to the head telling you that you're unstoppable. But all it feels is weight in the stomach that it is using. Wait, what's that over there?  On the other wall, almost as if it's behind the wall, are eyes. Thousands and thousands of eyes, all of them staring. Staring at it. At us. What are they? almightyerin posted:YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE NOW!! 
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Jul 28, 2014 00:41
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