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Memento
Aug 25, 2009



Smackdown was on and it was pretty fun actually.


1. The Usos defeated Rybaxel. I guess this was Ryback and Curtis Axel’s reward for winning the tag match against Koaf-E on Raw. Per Rybaxel’s contract, they will now get 15 consecutive rematches against The Usos.

- The Miz hosted MizTV and talked to (in no specific order) Bo Dallas, Dolph Ziggler and a fan whose child loves Roman Reigns more than The Miz. He loves Roman more than he loves The Miz, not he loves Roman more than The Miz loves Roman. Now that I typed it out I guess they both work. Anyway, everybody ends up fighting because MizTV only exists to set up throwaway matches in the middle of shows.

2. Bo Dallas defeated Dolph Ziggler. HE’S HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD. The Miz stayed out to do color commentary, so I’ll give you three guesses how the match ends. The first 600 are “The Miz distracts Ziggler, allowing Bo to get a roll-up and a win.” Guess #601 is “Mr. NXT showed up and kicked Ziggler’s rear end.”

3. Dean Ambrose defeated Cesaro in a No Disqualification Match. This is … probably a reason to watch Smackdown. Ambrose won with a roll-up, because no other match on the show ended that way. Apparently Cesaro suplexed Ambrose onto a stack of chairs, and Zandig jumped off a scissor-lift. I’m kidding about one of those. After the match, Seth Rollins attacked and they beat up Ambrose. Not totally sure why he didn’t attack DURING the no-DQ match, but what can you do.

4. Paige defeated Naomi. From the actual Smackdown spoilers: “Naomi, who got a nice hometown reaction, tapped out quickly.” That’s the most statistically-correct sentence you can type about WWE. If you hear you’re going to wrestle in your hometown, take the night off.

- Goldust and Stardust were in the Sensual Seduction room and said some stuff.

5. Bray Wyatt defeated R-Truth. Here’s Truth standing up for his good friend Chris Jericho. After the match, Bray Wyatt delivered a long-winded promo. I believe this is the first time he’s been allowed to do this on television.

6. Roman Reigns defeated Alberto Del Rio. Hey, Smackdown sounds pretty good this week. All this match needs is Ricardo Rodriguez coming out of the crowd in a dog mask and whacking somebody with a bucket.

Then RAW was on and it was also a decent show!

WWE Raw results:

- The show began with John Cena addressing the challenge from Brock Lesnar last week and being interrupted by Paul Heyman. This led to Cesaro showing up to stand up for Heyman and challenging Cena to a match (despite no longer being a “Paul Heyman Guy.”)

1. John Cena defeated Cesaro. Cena pinned Cesaro after an Attitude Adjustment from the second rope.

- AJ and Paige had an in-ring confrontation. Paige assured everyone that she and AJ were still friends. She “accidentally” said the word “crazy,” causing AJ to attack her.

- Triple H and Stephanie McMahon attempted to address Stephanie being arrested during last week’s show but were interrupted by Chris Jericho. Jericho tried to drop the old “trash bag ho” line on Stephanie but was stopped by HHH. Seth Rollins attacked Jericho from behind, and a match was made for later in the night.

Note: Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt was also made official for SummerSlam.

2. Dolph Ziggler and The Usos defeated Rybaxel and The Miz. Ziggler pinned Ryback after a Zig Zag.

3. R-Truth defeated Bo Dallas. Truth rolled up Dallas for the three, ending Bo’s undefeated streak. After the match, Bo snapped and assaulted Truth, planting him with a double-underhook DDT.

- Lana and Rusev continued their “which country is better at things” problem with the United States and, by proxy, Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. Swagger and Rusev brawled a bit and set up a flag match.

4. Adam Rose defeated Damien Sandow. Sandow was dressed as an astronaut. Rose beat him almost instantly with the Party Foul.

- Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton didn’t happen. Orton attacked Reigns as Reigns made his entrance, assaulted him for several minutes and gave him two RKOs onto (and then through) the announce table.

5. Diego defeated Fandango. Fandango was distracted by Layla, Summer Rae and El Torito, leading to a roll-up loss.

6. Naomi and Natalya defeated Cameron and Alicia Fox. Naomi tapped out Cameron to a new leg scissors submission to get the win for her team.

7. Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins went to a No Contest. Or possibly a DQ victory for Jericho. The Wyatt Family showed up from out of nowhere and beat up Jericho.

- Brie Bella agreed to drop the assault and battery charges against Stephanie McMahon if she (1) got her job back, and (2) got a match with Stephanie at SummerSlam. Stephanie reluctantly agreed, then slapped Brie, causing a pull-apart brawl.

All results cribbed from http://uproxx.com/prowrestling/

ALSO Prince Devitt has signed with the WWE and will be reporting to developmental TODAY to get into the WWE style.

edit: I hosed up the tag, HulkaMatt save me!

Memento fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2014 around 04:26

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kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

#4TheWin


Raw was good and I am very excited for SummerSlam!!

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.


i'll see you in court

Fibby Boy
Jan 7, 2012

Mmm... Offshore Toast!


oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

what's up


biTCH

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

Raw wasn't the same without an Ambrose run-in.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

Now, the undefeated king sings aloud the name of booze he holds in his hand...


The only thing about that Raw (besides Adam Rose) which I didn't like was that we got no clarity or new information about the Not-NoD. They watched the match on TV, they watched the match at ringside, and then they... did nothing.

I guess they decided that making sure Ziggler got a clean win to further his pursuit of Miz was more important than allowing their new heel tag team to actually make an impact. The saddest thing is that screwing Ziggler out of a clean win probably would have gotten them actual heel heat given how the crowd was cheering for him.

Gusano
Dec 15, 2013


no mention of jamie noble

op you have failed us

kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

#4TheWin


Sanguinia posted:

The saddest thing is that screwing Ziggler out of a clean win probably would have gotten them actual heel heat given how the crowd was cheering for him.

This is nice in theory but it sure as hell didn't work at Battleground.

NienNunb
Feb 15, 2012

Once you go Bryan, there's no point in tryin'.


Dolph Ziggler is cool I like him a whole lot and you should too.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

what's up


James Gibson/Jaime Noble rules

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/MqtemjaZOF0/
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/xXw7PXtXrbA <--- this match is incredible btw


I couldn't find his cool match against Roddy from Unforgettable, but educate yourself, people.

oatgan fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2014 around 04:45

Delsaber
Oct 1, 2013

Secretly plotting your demise...

Memento posted:

ALSO Prince Devitt has signed with the WWE and will be reporting to developmental TODAY to get into the WWE style.

Do people usually report that fast after signing? I wonder if the super quick timing indicates that the WWE wants him on the main roster as sooner than usual for NXT guys.

Everblight
Jan 2, 2005

For the Legion!
@npcdel on twitter


Perigryn
Oct 22, 2010

TaJaaaaadoruuuuu

Delsaber posted:

Do people usually report that fast after signing? I wonder if the super quick timing indicates that the WWE wants him on the main roster as sooner than usual for NXT guys.
He probably finished up all his indy commitments by this time so he can start immediately.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

what's up


Delsaber posted:

Do people usually report that fast after signing? I wonder if the super quick timing indicates that the WWE wants him on the main roster as sooner than usual for NXT guys.

Usually they are in talks for quite a while which gives a guy time to finish his commitments and schedule physicals etc... Once they actually sign a full contract and make the announcement it's a fairly quick turnaround.

Daniel Bryan
May 23, 2006

GOAT


He'd been unofficially signed for months. Plenty of time to get everything in order.

Do not even ask
Apr 8, 2008

I'll be busting the moves and I'll be busting the rhymes, we'll be busting up laughing 'cause it's
PARTY TIME!


I hope Mercury, Noble and Finlay get more screentime and become the Patterson/Brisco to HHH's Vinny Mac

RBX
Jan 2, 2011



Goddammit John when you cut these excellent promos it makes it hard to complain about you online.

StarkRavingMad
Sep 27, 2001


quote:

Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton didn’t happen. Orton attacked Reigns as Reigns made his entrance, assaulted him for several minutes and gave him two RKOs onto (and then through) the announce table.

This is slightly off (not that it really matters) - was supposed to be Reigns versus THEDEMONKANE. Then Orton attacked during Reigns' entrance like you said, Reigns fought off both guys for a bit then Kane chokeslammed him and was like "Eh...gently caress this, I'm out" and left Randy to do a lengthy beatdown. Before the match HHH riled Orton up backstage by saying that he wasn't going to get a title shot so long as Reigns was going to be a problem and Orton did a lot of jawing about how Reigns stole his title shot during the beatdown.

Delsaber
Oct 1, 2013

Secretly plotting your demise...

Do not even ask posted:

I hope Mercury, Noble and Finlay get more screentime and become the Patterson/Brisco to HHH's Vinny Mac

Which one gets to use Real American?

Thauros
Jan 29, 2003

KONNICHIWA NIHONJIN!!!


Delsaber posted:

Do people usually report that fast after signing? I wonder if the super quick timing indicates that the WWE wants him on the main roster as sooner than usual for NXT guys.

Dave's reported as long as the rumors of him going to WWE have been going on that he'd have a shorter stay than the indie guys they sign. Guy was happy and getting paid reasonably well in NJPW, he's not going to WWE to stay in NXT forever. A short stay while he gets a new finisher and they find a way to use him isn't a bad idea though.

TheJoker138
Jan 1, 2008

The Clown Prince
of Crime


Thauros posted:

Dave's reported as long as the rumors of him going to WWE have been going on that he'd have a shorter stay than the indie guys they sign. Guy was happy and getting paid reasonably well in NJPW, he's not going to WWE to stay in NXT forever. A short stay while he gets a new finisher and they find a way to use him isn't a bad idea though.

They're going to give him Coke and Decepticon tattoos and start calling him CN Punk.

Daniel Bryan
May 23, 2006

GOAT


Hearing about what happened with Reigns and Orton tonight reminded me of this one-of-a-kind, golden piece of Dave Meltzer audio: http://tindeck.com/listen/kkdx

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003



Orton vs. Table is the longest running feud right now.

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.


N: Batista gave an interview today where he said he wants to be a Shakespearean actor and that he's definitely done after Mania 31.

V: [batista-wave]

Sockser
Jun 28, 2007

I'm uh, hacking into the mainframe!

I did not care for that raw.

Not that it was bad, but nothing really caught my attention.

UltimoDragonQuest
Oct 5, 2011



Jamie Noble sabotaged Ricochet and got himself regular TV appearances. This is some WCW poo poo.

Alouicious
Feb 7, 2012



The New, Well-Dressed Nation of Domination

GrimGypsy
Mar 27, 2007



That Raw started hot and turned to bland crap in a hurry.

Delsaber
Oct 1, 2013

Secretly plotting your demise...

I was hoping for Brad Maddox but I guess I can settle for Xavier Woods in a Brad Maddox vest.

Cardboard Box
Jul 14, 2009

Grunkle Stan, what did you feed us?!


I didn't watch Raw but I heard Cena did a good promo and that Stephanie vs Brie Bella is the real main event of summerslam and both of those are cool

OneThousandMonkeys
Oct 9, 2005

The Strangest Vengeance Ever Planned

Luigi Thirty posted:

N: Batista gave an interview today where he said he wants to be a Shakespearean actor and that he's definitely done after Mania 31.

V: [batista-wave]

He should have come back with his dreads

keevo
Jun 16, 2011


Really pumped for Stephanie to wrestle even though it's probably going to be Brie vs Nikki.

maxallen
Nov 22, 2006

GHOST OF GOLDUSTS PAST


I didn't watch raw but I heard Cesaro vs Cena was a 4* PPV quality match?

Action Shakespeare
Mar 25, 2010

if there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what

keevo
Jun 16, 2011


Also why the gently caress did they end Bo's streak tonight? I just wanted 21 and Bo.

Abrasive Obelisk
May 2, 2013


maxallen posted:

I didn't watch raw but I heard Cesaro vs Cena was a 4* PPV quality match?

HM in the Match Of The Year thread

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

Babies burp and flowers bloom.

keevo posted:

Also why the gently caress did they end Bo's streak tonight? I just wanted 21 and Bo.

You speak the truth my friend.

Although, if this leads to Bo doing Chris Jericho's "It's a conspiracy!" bit from WCW, then I am all in favour of it.

GrimGypsy
Mar 27, 2007



keevo posted:

Also why the gently caress did they end Bo's streak tonight? I just wanted 21 and Bo.

Well you see, it's something WWE did and we all have stockholm syndrome so I think you'll find it's actually a really smart, awesome thing just like everything else is/has been for years now. Just wait and see.

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Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.


Did you see how vicious Bo got when R-Truth beat him? He actually looked like a serious brawler instead of a goofball.

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