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Rynn
Jul 22, 2003

"Upon confronting the Major, in that moment that was less than a second, I imagined the conclusion and felt a chill of fear. It was a conclusion that my experience as a sniper arrived at after considering all possible variables and circumstances. 'I will be killed'".

Multiple cars in the back yard? Constant fights? Stealing your packages from Fleshlight.com? Let's hear your stories.

Ever since my neighbor let her fat lazy daughter move in, their house is a constant poo poo show and it looks like her laziness has rubbed off on the mother.

This is their yard.

http://imgur.com/a/7OT4O

My favorite is the 2nd picture, where you can see that the grass has conquered the lawnmower in some kind of ironic role reversal. That lawn mower has been in the loving yard since the snow melted. They literally took it out of the shed, let it sit there and left it. I ended up spraying the weeds on the fence and the ground with a vinegar/salt/soap mixture and they're all brown now. They have not noticed. Someone, I have no idea who, mows the front probably to keep up appearances. I think it's the neighbor next to her because he can't stand seeing that poo poo on his side either.

They used to have 2 dogs, one of them just up and disappeared one day. I have no idea if it got out and ran away or was put down, though it was very old. The dogs were always outside 24/7 whether it's 80 degrees out or 10. But it's OK because she leaves the shed open, right? The lovely part is that she's a retired cop and buddy buddy with the current animal control officer, so that'll be an uphill battle trying to complain about neglect.

I've had to call 911 on her daughter's new boyfriend (who has an old Impala that's LIFTED with spinning rims, fantastic waste of money) because he started beating her and possibly the kids based on the screaming and crying I heard. Cops took him away but I don't know that charges were filed because he and that lovely car was back a week later and is still there.

The daughter or my neighbor has no control over her kids, the oldest is maybe 7, the youngest is probably 5 and they're out running around at 10 at night or later, whether it's summer or not, while the mom may or may not be sitting her fat rear end on the porch, probably depends on if she wants to get up from the couch or not. When I worked from home for a couple years, the first time I met those kids was during the day on my lunch break. They walked up my driveway (one in diapers) and went to go into my backyard. It took me 15 minutes to figure out where they lived because none of them could talk and I was a minute from calling the cops. And the mom yelled at the kids as if they're supposed to watch themselves at that age

There's much more, but no one else is my neighborhood is this lovely and we all hate them now.

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Al Cowens
Aug 11, 2004

Hello boys


Cool av. That was a great episode. Very tense. Saito is badass.

Rynn
Jul 22, 2003

"Upon confronting the Major, in that moment that was less than a second, I imagined the conclusion and felt a chill of fear. It was a conclusion that my experience as a sniper arrived at after considering all possible variables and circumstances. 'I will be killed'".

Al Cowens posted:

Cool av. That was a great episode. Very tense. Saito is badass.

If Saito was my neighbor I would not have these problems.


More terrible neighbor posts plz

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

named his dog otto von bismarck and trained him to steal my roommates newspaper from our porch

E: my roommate thought he was a lovely neighbor, i just thought it was hilarious

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

UNDEAD RACIAL CLEANSING

My neighbour is a post-op transsexual who regularly attempts suicide (ambulances at 3 a.m.), and screams at the top of her voice, for hours at a time, through the night.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

SirEvelynTremble posted:

My neighbour is a post-op transsexual who regularly attempts suicide (ambulances at 3 a.m.), and screams at the top of her voice, for hours at a time, through the night.

which goon do you live next to

ReptileChillock
Jan 7, 2014

by Lowtax


My neighbour got lovely drunk last night, slammed his car into his shed and then gave me some onions from his garden, in a move I suspect was to keep me from snitching on his drunk driving.

Hush onions.

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014


I have an epic one but it would take a really long time to type out to really get the point across since on the face of it he was just a really noisy dude

but I dunno I'm at work so...

Verisimilidude
Dec 20, 2006

Strike quick and hurry at him,
rush in,
not caring to hit or
miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges.


Don't buy poo poo from unlicensed food carts. My neighborhood is super South American and there are plenty of people selling chopped up mangos and grilled corn and shaved ice etc etc, but one of these people live in my building and they leave their door open from time to time. They have the filthiest apartment I have ever seen. It's caked in grease, there are beds in the kitchen that look like they haven't had the sheets changed in years, and they have a serious roach problem (by comparison we've had two roaches in our apartment since we moved here 6 months ago). They open the door and roaches come skittering out. Thank god they live on the other side of the building because the smell that comes out of their apartment is unbearable when I walk past it.

Basically you never know how loving gross and dirty these people are and they don't need a license to sell their probably unwashed grilled corn on the street corner.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

ReptileChillock posted:

My neighbour got lovely drunk last night, slammed his car into his shed and then gave me some onions from his garden, in a move I suspect was to keep me from snitching on his drunk driving.

Hush onions.

is this true

PCOS Bill
May 12, 2013


Back in college I lived upstairs in a house that was split upstairs/downstairs into two apartments. One day I got home after work on a weekend afternoon and one of the downstairs neighbors' cars were gone, and their TV or radio was blaring so loud I could hear it clearly through the floor. I figured it was just one of them bored and home alone so I tuned it out for a few hours, figuring their SO would be back eventually and they'd turn it down.

Night time rolls around and the sound is still blaring, and since it's getting later it feels like it's louder, so I go and knock on the door to ask if they'd turn it down. I waited at the door, knocked again, nothing. So I started knocking harder since it was loud, maybe they didn't hear me. Nothing. Looked in the side windows, all the lights were out, apparently they weren't even home.

Called the landlady, asked her to give them a call and see if they were going to be home soon, waited some more. Turns out they left for the weekend but swear they didn't leave anything on.

So... I went to the basement, which the landlady's boyfriend left unlocked generally, and pulled every fuse (Yeah, fuse, you remember those right?) for every circuit marked 1ST FLOOR until the sound stopped, and went back upstairs.

Flash forward to Monday morning, it sounds like there's a screaming jackhammer at my door, they weren't pleased. So I go replace their fuses, and for the rest of the week every time they came or left they laid on their car horn for 20 seconds or so, the TV was at full blast non-stop, and they were generally dicks the rest of the lease.


When they moved out my landlady was nearly in tears after inspecting their apartment. They had completely trashed it, all the walls were black from how much they had been smoking (and most of it was weed from the smell), and she couldn't rent the place out on schedule to the new tenants because it needed so much work.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...

Can't let cats outside without having them bitch about it.


The end.

FordPRefectLL
Dec 29, 2007

I WANT A BIG GAY MOTORCYCLE MAN TO SHAVE MY TAINT WHILE I WEAR MY CAPTAIN HAT

I MEAN LIKE FULL ON BIKINI WAX


my neighbor is a hoarder and roaches from her apartment get in mine

geke rowsperg
Oct 6, 2007

"Keke"


my neighbours are a black man and a ghost

ReptileChillock
Jan 7, 2014

by Lowtax


Fetus Tree posted:

is this true

100% true. My dad and I heard a HUGE loving noise and went out to see what it was, in case anyone was hurt. He was so loving drunk he couldn't walk a straight line. Somehow he recalled we were Polish, so i guess he dredged up a Polish word from somewhere in his drunk brain and a little while after he comes over yelling CE-BOOYAH! I have CE-BOOYAH FOR YOU, it was hilarious. I put the onions in a stir fry and they were amazing.

FordPRefectLL
Dec 29, 2007

I WANT A BIG GAY MOTORCYCLE MAN TO SHAVE MY TAINT WHILE I WEAR MY CAPTAIN HAT

I MEAN LIKE FULL ON BIKINI WAX


Verisimilidude posted:

Don't buy poo poo from unlicensed food carts. My neighborhood is super South American and there are plenty of people selling chopped up mangos and grilled corn and shaved ice etc etc, but one of these people live in my building and they leave their door open from time to time. They have the filthiest apartment I have ever seen. It's caked in grease, there are beds in the kitchen that look like they haven't had the sheets changed in years, and they have a serious roach problem (by comparison we've had two roaches in our apartment since we moved here 6 months ago). They open the door and roaches come skittering out. Thank god they live on the other side of the building because the smell that comes out of their apartment is unbearable when I walk past it.

Basically you never know how loving gross and dirty these people are and they don't need a license to sell their probably unwashed grilled corn on the street corner.

americans are so terrified of that poo poo

i was getting sisig in the philippines one time and a roach crawled across the cutting board, the dude just wiped it off into the trash and finished making my sisig and i am still here alive today. bugs happen.

revmoo
May 25, 2006

Reverend Moo

Wicker Man posted:

Can't let cats outside without having them bitch about it.


The end.

You sound like my old bad neighbors. They let their cat outside and it would piss all over our convertible's cloth top and rip it up, and then started a feud when I complained about it.

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007



i had a neighbor who would yell 2 live crew lyrics and violent racial threats over aerosmith songs all day whenever he wasn't in jail and one time i saw him get tazed by cops in his yard while he was wearing only boxers and spongebob socks that guy was cool

Liquid Chicken
Jan 25, 2005


Neighbors behind me are friendly enough - good Christian church goers, but classic hoarders with poo poo piles leaching out from the house and onto the porch and across their property. Some decades ago our properties were one and there use to be an inground pool. The property has since been divided and I live in the 19th century house in front while they live on some modern dwelling that's falling apart. As for the pool, it was destroyed when a deer fell into it at some point and somehow destroyed it. It's their personal trash pit for items they can't burn and includes a ruined paddle boat and gray foxes have made a den in it. Oh the good ole burn barrel. Nothing like smelling burning plastic, rubber or styrofoam at random hours of the day. Not long ago they tried burning an aerosol can which exploded. It burnt down a vinyl/tarped shelter hut thing that had and a tree. They have two adult sons that live there, one of which is going to leave soon to hitchhike across the country so I doubt I'll see him alive again. The other works on the vast array of half-working automobiles in the yard and recently has a dirt bike that he races up and down the road. At least I have a nice tall fence to block the view and keep their weeds at bay. However it does little to keep the noise down of their dozen plus guinea hens. If you don't know what guinea hens sound like - repeat "buckwheat" loudly in a high register for several hours straight.

Inzombiac
Mar 19, 2007

PARTY ALL NIGHT, EAT BRAINS ALL DAY


I said hi to my neighbor but he didn't say hi back but he was running to his car but maybe he's just rude.

geke rowsperg
Oct 6, 2007

"Keke"


neighbour built a spite garage bigger than our house, then died immediately after

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

All you need is Love.


One of my neighbors put a wreath on her door outside of the designated holiday wreath allowance policy. It was really ugly, it had purple butterflies on it and her unit was in the ground floor elevator lobby so we had to see it all the time. Thankfully the HOA made her take it down and she complied so things are ok now.

Oh and some public official's girlfriend said he tried to throw her off the 18th floor balcony but it turned out she was a cray cray bitch but we had the media filming our entrance and trying to stalk him and literal coming into the building and harassing the concierge and doormen and valets for gossip, that was kind of lovely.

Three Olives fucked around with this message at Jul 31, 2014 around 15:45

ReptileChillock
Jan 7, 2014

by Lowtax


Jesus gently caress Three Olives you're seriously a self parody

MMOs & Welfare
Jan 24, 2007

by Lowtax


Onr of my neighbors yelled at me across the street to come get my cat out of her back yard. I said "you know what? keep it." and closed my door.

Ive never owned a cat

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006
GTVA Celois

Three Olives posted:

One of my neighbors put a wreath on her door outside of the designated holiday wreath allowance policy. It was really ugly, it had purple butterflies on it and her unit was in the ground floor elevator lobby so we had to see it all the time. Thankfully the HOA made her take it down and she complied so things are ok now.

hahaha, and you loving claim HOAs aren't poo poo?

jesus christ man what's wrong with you

e; it just dawned on me you were probably trolling but you illustrated just how absurd they are, so

Xaris fucked around with this message at Jul 31, 2014 around 15:56

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

Xaris posted:

hahaha, and you loving claim HOAs aren't poo poo?

jesus christ man what's wrong with you

i used to think HOAs were poo poo until i realized that i would just never live in a place with one and now it makes me feel better to think of them as concentration camps for home owners that need to be coddled or dont want to live with black people

Kumo
Jul 31, 2004



the worst i can think of is when a neighbor told me he threw rocks at my dog for barking in casual conversation

"almost hit him" he said

another time the dog was barking at him & i went to bring him in, and the guy crouched right by the fence near him & then open-punched the fence right in front of the dog's face

don't live next to former IDF sadists

Rynn
Jul 22, 2003

"Upon confronting the Major, in that moment that was less than a second, I imagined the conclusion and felt a chill of fear. It was a conclusion that my experience as a sniper arrived at after considering all possible variables and circumstances. 'I will be killed'".

UPDATE - the lawn mower has disappeared too. Maybe they sold it since it wasn't going to be loving used anyways.

I sprayed more weed killer on their lawn and my fence.

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

All you need is Love.


Xaris posted:

hahaha, and you loving claim HOAs aren't poo poo?

jesus christ man what's wrong with you

Dude I thought the policy was clear:

quote:

Hallways
As a reminder, our new classic contemporary hallways were designed to be exclusive of individual decorations at unit doors. It is extremely important that the hallways remain true to the design plan and uniform in appearance. Other than seasonal door wreaths, installed in a manner that does not affect or damage the door in any way, no additional or individual decoration, including plants and statues will be permitted.

Any decorative items that have been placed either on or under package shelves should be removed immediately. Residents who have questions concerning this requirement may contact the management office or a member of the Board.

But apparently not:

Update posted:

Door Décor
Real Estate and marketing professionals advise that clean, uniform residential hallways enhance the esthetic interior design of the building and help maintain property value. Acting on the comments and advice, the Board of Directors clarified the building seasonal wreath policy at the August Board meeting. The policy permits the use of seasonal door wreaths from one week before Thanksgiving until January 6 of the next year. Wreaths will not be permitted on doors at any other time throughout the year. All door wreaths currently in use must be removed at this time. We appreciate your cooperation with this policy.

The HOA also does very importing things like managing the building carts:

quote:

Carts
Hard as it may be to believe, the building owns 15 utility carts. The mystery is – where are they hiding? More important, the challenge is – how can we get them back to the loading dock and available for resident use?

This has become a serious matter. Far too often, one of us arrives at the loading area with a car full of packages, only to find not a single cart with which to get things upstairs. At this writing, only three of our 15 carts are in circulation.

Buying additional carts or finding a way to track carts is always an option, but an expensive one for us all. Another solution is to eliminate carts and ask each homeowner to purchase their own personal cart, an unattractive solution.

BEFORE WE TAKE ANY OF THESE UNUSUAL AND EXPENSIVE STEPS, WE URGE ALL RESIDENTS, ONE LAST TIME, TO PLEASE RETURN ALL CARTS TO THE GARAGE LOADING AREA OR CALL THE FRONT DESK TO HAVE CARTS RETRIEVED.

One additional note: We are currently fitting the carts with cushioning bumpers to help protect our new wood paneling in the service elevator and hallways. In order to complete this refitting, we need ALL carts available at the loading area by Saturday morning, October 18. And, please remember to use carts carefully and avoid contact with walls or wood paneling!

quote:

Carts
Thanks to residents who returned two additional utility carts to the loading zone in the garage this week. We have now located a total of 5 carts but we are still missing 10 of the 15 carts. If you currently have a cart in your residence please return it to the lower level or call the front desk for retrieval.

The carts cost approximately $200 each. With taxes and shipping, replacement of ten carts may cost the Council of Co-Owners in excess of $2,000 in unbudgeted expenses.

This may not seem like an excessively large expenditure. However, any over budget expenditure in a tight budget makes a difference. The board is diligently trying to minimize and control building operating costs.

Residents who know the location of any of the missing carts should advise the management office or see that they are immediately returned to the loading area to help us avoid an unnecessary and unbudgeted expense.

quote:

Carts

Thanks to residents who recently returned carts to the loading area in the garage. As of this week, we have located seven carts. Please note that the carts have been fitted with protective bumper pads around the top to help prevent damage to wall covering and wood paneling in the hallways and service elevator. All residents are urged to take extra care to protect our new hallways and elevators.

quote:

Carts

Recently we have begun receiving complaints that carts are not available at the loading area in the garage. In order to have carts readily available when needed, residents must return carts to the loading area in the garage immediately after each use or call the front desk and have a valet return the cart.

quote:

Carts

Please return carts to the service elevator or call for cart pick up after each use. To protect the interior of the passenger elevators, please DO NOT use or place carts in the passenger elevators!

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


people who willingly live in HOAs deserve each other

PCOS Bill
May 12, 2013


Three Olives posted:

Dude I thought the policy was clear:


But apparently not:


The HOA also does very importing things like managing the building carts:

You live where you deserve

cynic
Jan 19, 2004



Here are my top 5 lovely neighbours (worst first):
  • Firebombed our house while high because he thought the dealer that had ripped him off lived here (he didn't)
  • Chased a teenage girl through the street with a katana, broke into a neighbours house, stole their brand new Range Rover, then crashed it into our fence.
  • Tried to kill his wife, then killed himself at christmas. Shared christmas lunch with a couple of detectives unlucky enough to be on duty that day.
  • Woman with a grown up, autistic son who kept loudly masturbating over the fence.
  • Kept asking if he could gently caress my girlfriend in return for a decently sized brick of cannabis resin/bag of coke etc.
People keep wondering why we move so much. It's not even like we've lived in bad areas (other than the firebombing one).

Saint Freak
Apr 15, 2007

Let me tell you about the time I was canonized...


The neighbor on one side of my house moved out like a year ago and just left it uninhabited so the yard is completely overgrown. The neighbor on the other refuses to acknowledge where the property line is even though it was surveyed and staked so he just doesn't cut the yard on that side. My neighbor to the back is a forest. So basically my house is surrounded by complete lawlessness when it comes to lawn care and it is amazing because I can go like a month without mowing and I don't look like the bad guy.

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006
GTVA Celois

cynic posted:

Here are my top 5 lovely neighbours (worst first):
  • Firebombed our house while high because he thought the dealer that had ripped him off lived here (he didn't)
  • Chased a teenage girl through the street with a katana, broke into a neighbours house, stole their brand new Range Rover, then crashed it into our fence.
  • Tried to kill his wife, then killed himself at christmas. Shared christmas lunch with a couple of detectives unlucky enough to be on duty that day.
  • Woman with a grown up, autistic son who kept loudly masturbating over the fence.
  • Kept asking if he could gently caress my girlfriend in return for a decently sized brick of cannabis resin/bag of coke etc.
People keep wondering why we move so much. It's not even like we've lived in bad areas (other than the firebombing one).

Woww you probably win. that sucks.

When I was a kid, I had a neighbor that went to jail for some poo poo that went down that I was never really clear on but I remember it freaking my parents out cause they thought he was going to come back there when he got out and so they installed security system and poo poo.

Growing up, we also had a crazy ginger cat-lady chain-smoking alcoholic neighbor who used to yell at us to get off her lawn and such. She finally moved to Spokane after 20+ years and had rented it out to some kinda weird dudes. Turns out they had been stealing power from PG&E by cutting into the conduit before the meter and completely tore out everything in the garage and bolted it shut to turn it into a weed grow op. They had been doing it nearly 5 years before they got busted last year after PG&E found out they had stolen probably 10k+ worth of power. They fled immediately and haven't been seen since. It turns out they trashed the whole place had had ton of dogs/cats peeing all over it and it was just a mess. They pretty much had to tear out all the carpet, redo the entire garage and fix up a lot of the walls.

vyst
Aug 25, 2009

Soft Hil- nope, not doing this rhyme.

~SMcD

My neighbors are an interracial couple that never pick up their newspaper.

Colored people man I swear.

PyroCrash
Mar 9, 2004
It takes but one rebel to bring the downfall of an empire

I have this neighbor named Gary. He is a longshoreman. His wife, Sheila, worked at Home Depot. They haves lived in the neighborhood for many years.

His wife was fired from Home Depot for numerous violations of loving coworkers on the job in the break room. Gary kicked his wife out.

Few months later Gary's cousin left a bad marriage and came to live with Gary. She has two small kids. Gary was feeling lonely and so he started sleeping with her. A month later Gary sent her kids to live with grandma.

At the same time, Gary has 2 children. They are 24 and 19. Both have kids by different men.

His backyard is bad enough that foxes have made a den. We've killed numerous venomous snakes coming from his yard. Some of which hide under my car for warmth. I should note we live in a very populated suburb.

Anyways, Sheila filed for divorce and is entitled to half his money. He was ordered to give her half the value of the house. She has no job. Gary decided to let them foreclose on his house so he wouldn't have to pay Sheila.

I got so many other stories to share.

amityville anus
Jan 30, 2010


i spent six months walking over to the condemned shithole across the street feeding feral cats for the owner and all i have to show for it now is three happy kittens

amityville anus
Jan 30, 2010



Not pictured: dead raccoon, hole in ceiling of every room

Lexorin
Jul 5, 2000



My neighbors shoot their guns at odd times at night. Sometimes I hear dirt-bikes off in the distance. Thanks for reading!

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Lawman 0
Aug 17, 2010



I was going to post about my rear end in a top hat neighbor who called the cops on my house a bunch but I'm going at the posts itt.

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