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Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012


thinking about picking up a lady tomorrow at the bar and repeatedly putting my penis in her. hopefully she won't be ugly or my hand

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Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...

They usually have their boyfriend with them.


Bring a knife.

Giraffe
Dec 12, 2005

"Aim for the legs, Martha!"

lower your expectations op

folgore
Jun 30, 2006

nice tut

Sounds like a plan OP. You might want to imbibe some alcohol beforehand. I haven't tried it myself but a lot of goon bar vets seem to recommend it.

Kleen_TheRowdyDog
Feb 17, 2014

1. Work the Steps
2. Go to Meetings
3. Drunk post in GBS


i drank at a bar everyday for 5 years and only banged one chick i met while there. what i am saying, op, is keep dreamin'!


Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...

The only single women who go to a bar alone for the sole purpose of getting some D are usually fat chain smoking middle aged women trying to get away from the husband and kids.

Doctor Dogballs
Apr 1, 2007

0.00 posts per day

I drank at a bar every day for 5 years and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


im too poor to drink at bars

5-HT
Oct 17, 2012



Wicker Man posted:

The only single women who go to a bar alone for the sole purpose of getting some D are usually fat chain smoking middle aged women trying to get away from the husband and kids.

yeah this. all the hotties are on tinder now.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012


Wicker Man posted:

The only single women who go to a bar alone for the sole purpose of getting some D are usually fat chain smoking middle aged women trying to get away from the husband and kids.

there's only like one good bar where i'm at and everyone usually doesn't go outside the group they know. might have to go to a dive bar if I get really drunk/horny

Robbie Fowler
May 31, 2011


I don't think women appreciate being lifted up without permission OP.

But if you are planning on it, please make it a suplex onto the bar counter, then drink some steveweisers.

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012


tinder is prejudice against people who don't have facebooks

Aferisan
Dec 3, 2012


most people who go to bars hate people who approach them as they are usually in groups with their own friends and you're just interrupting them.

Me and my friend go to bars and look at loners interacting with one another its pretty magical, nothing usually happens but its funny how long they pretend to ignore each other, for an awkwardly long amount of time.

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006



Gaunab posted:

thinking about picking up a lady tomorrow at the bar and repeatedly putting my penis in her. hopefully she won't be ugly or my hand

Same except instead of putting my penis inside of her I will drive her to her destination & accept my fare because I am a taxi driver.

Cucking Mama
Sep 27, 2013

Gold Medalist, 2014 shit post olympics


when i was 14, op, my dad took us to a bar in north carolina and this gross old hick woman started caressing my shoulder until I walked away but I don't know why she was doing it

poopzilla
Nov 23, 2004

Work
Work never changes


she sounds classy OP. i recommend bending your knee and making an honest women of this fictional character

SpicyMeatSandwich
Apr 22, 2007



Bar sluts love the D, virginia slims and Valtrex

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012


thanks guys for reminding me i'm too ugly to have women fling themselves at me dick and balls. i guess i need to go take a pua course so i know how to neg and kino and all that jazz

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006



Gaunab posted:

thanks guys for reminding me i'm too ugly to have women fling themselves at me dick and balls. i guess i need to go take a pua course so i know how to neg and kino and all that jazz

Have you tried Axe body spray, OP?

etalian
Mar 20, 2006


this is the best way to act in the bar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcQ_5Dz8HV4

mookface
Jun 7, 2009

CRACK MACHT FREI


Gaunab posted:

thanks guys for reminding me i'm too ugly to have women fling themselves at me dick and balls. i guess i need to go take a pua course so i know how to neg and kino and all that jazz

Just say hi and then speak naturally and make them laugh but don't try too hard and also be sexually desirable

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

argghh

I am Toni Lippi
Aug 16, 2004


etalian posted:

this is the best way to act in the bar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcQ_5Dz8HV4

Oh Goddamnit now I have to watch this loving movie.

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004



I am Toni Lippi posted:

Oh Goddamnit now I have to watch this loving movie.

Its bad, I like the Cruise Missile but this movie blew, watch Collateral instead even if you seen it before

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006



mookface posted:

Just say hi and then speak naturally and make them laugh but don't try too hard and also be sexually desirable

That sounds like too much work. Is there like a hypnosis trick I can learn?

Snodgrass Supreme
Nov 6, 2012


mookface posted:

also be sexually desirable

this sounds tricky. do u have a flowchart I can cross-reference???

turdriver
May 31, 2014

by XyloJW


Fandyien posted:

im too poor to drink at bars
pre before u go and just order 1 drink

mookface
Jun 7, 2009

CRACK MACHT FREI


Trixie Hardcore posted:

That sounds like too much work. Is there like a hypnosis trick I can learn?

Yes if by hypnsosis you mean 'look over there for a few seconds would you' then yes

EA Sports
Feb 10, 2007

by XyloJW


you people with tinder need to check your smartphone privilege.

im pooping!
Nov 17, 2006


pick up an extra trollop for me, but make sure you chloroform her before you hand her over, i can't deal with the screaming and crying

poopzilla
Nov 23, 2004

Work
Work never changes


etalian posted:

this is the best way to act in the bar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcQ_5Dz8HV4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0c

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012


mookface posted:

Just say hi and then speak naturally and make them laugh but don't try too hard and also be sexually desirable

do i have to wear gaudy clothes too?

mookface
Jun 7, 2009

CRACK MACHT FREI


Gaunab posted:

do i have to wear gaudy clothes too?

Just something that shows off your muscles, but tastefully like a well fitting button up shirt

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


cheers was a good show

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Ion Helmet


You should go to a bar and read a book.

It works for me.

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006



mookface posted:

Just something that shows off your muscles, but tastefully like a well fitting button up shirt

Does starting a bar fight count as showing off my muscles?

poopzilla
Nov 23, 2004

Work
Work never changes


Fandyien posted:

cheers was a good show

Cheers was a hella good show. check out Woody planting the seeds for Natural Born Killers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11EFq0lyAv8

Spanish Manlove
Aug 31, 2008

LAMIERDAROJA



Kleen_TheRowdyDog posted:

i drank at a bar everyday for 5 years and only banged one chick i met while there. what i am saying, op, is keep dreamin'!

Yeah but how many guys?

mookface
Jun 7, 2009

CRACK MACHT FREI


Trixie Hardcore posted:

Does starting a bar fight count as showing off my muscles?

It looks good to stick up for someone weak or to say something to someone who is disrespecting a girl. If it comes to blows you have to do what you have to do

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Al Harrington
May 1, 2005

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the eye

etalian posted:

this is the best way to act in the bar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcQ_5Dz8HV4

of course that's your contention

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azM6xSTT2I0

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