You wake up on September 8th, 2001

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > You wake up on September 8th, 2001

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

I am 11 or 12 years old and gay, nobody will believe me, so I just live out a hellish repeat of the next decade or so. Wonder how I lived with my year 2000 gateway with AMD Athlon processor, and I will scare the poo poo out of my parents with accurate predictions of the future including 9/11 and a massive personality change + proclivity towards weed.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 15:25

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 15:21

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

Shadoer posted:

My plan:

1. Get Rich: There's unfortunately no way I can stop the Sept 11 attacks short of finding the terrorists themselves and offing them. Maybe if you had more time, but three days isn't enough. However I can get rich, I can set yourself up to play the markets and know where to bet when Sept 11 hits... then I'll have the money that I will need to be able to change the rest of the events over the next 13 years.

2. Prevent the Iraq War Using my new found wealth, I will let the War in Afghanistan go but move to bolster the anti-Iraq war movement. Money donations to candidates and think tanks against the war, op ed pieces, anything I can do to try and reverse the course of getting into that war.

3. Kill Vladimir Putin The man must die. He's simply too good at what he does and right now he's still a relatively new player. Yeah he's still president of Russia, but he's not quit the dark lord and master of it he is now. Not saying I'd do it myself, but man would I be paying a whole bunch of assassins to go after him.

4. Prevent the Patriot Act While the initial passing of the Patriot act is probably impossible to pass, with enough support (and money), it might be possible to let it lapse. If it manages to go down, then that will help prevent a lot of poo poo going wrong of the next few years.

5. Kill Al-Baghdadi The leader and founder of the ISIS. Right now he's just an Al-Queda grunt... who needs to die. And right now it's possible to find and off him before he becomes the man he is today.

You need an adult body in like 1990 to prevent the 1st gulf war and allow kuwait to be annexed to stop the 2nd war.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 15:52

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

Whorelord posted:

I'm seven so probably get hailed as some sort of genius i guess

You should just play it straight as possible because you know you're gonna level off hard around the end of highschool.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 15:54

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

Quickscope420dad posted:

oh gently caress the crazy frog would be popular again

crazy frog

pop punk

emo bands

club hip hop (this will be okay)

gotta memorize phone numbers and addresses again

phone books

computers suck really fuckin bad and are still for nerds

good chance you still have dial up

the latest mp3 player holds like 64mb of data and that's really expensive so have fun toting a cd player around

file sharing is in its infancy

a literal child with an obligation to almost decade's worth of education i don't actually need.

a loss of all my friends and due to my pre-knowledge of how I meet some of them I am increasingly weary and unable to make the choices that lead me to being friends with them

my weed connect hasn't smoked weed yet

edit: standard definition television for years more and standard definition cable/network broadcasts for more years.

Riot Bimbo fucked around with this message at 16:04 on Sep 8, 2014

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 15:59

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

call my grandpa and use the upcoming 9/11 event and his non-poo poo non-dementia ridden memory to leverage my ability to predict that catastrophe to predict the coming tech bubble collapse so he can cash out while he's still a millionaire.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 16:13

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

935 posted:

As a twelve year old, I wouldn't even worry about changing 9/11. I could convince a handful of people I truly came from the future, but no one with influence. If word gets out, you really think you'd be a celebrity? You would be a conspiracy theory, and the reality is you would spend the rest of your life in a blacklisted CIA site. You would literally go into a solitary confinement cell for the rest of your life. I'll pass.

Call me greedy, but I'd use the opportunity to do things differently. Convince family to invest in the big tech companies (what am I going to invest with, my pog collection?) and breeze through high school classes. Shits so easy in hind site. Take community college classes on the side. Graduate early, take my same degree and get it at 20, be hailed a genius, and go work at NASA or somewhere.

Write down all the song lyrics I can think of (I've got a shitload of eminem songs memorized), get it dated and notorized and find a way to cross paths with him. Spend a month trolling through the Detroit until I find him. Then get a photo with him, then in a decade start blackmailing.

Put all my money on Obama.

That's basically all I remember. Money on Obama, money into tech stocks, and don't drink a third margarita on thanksgiving 2011.

eminem is already famous in 2001

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 16:30

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

unless you are someone in a high level but not-high-level-enough-to-be-political three letter agency sort of job, you're not stopping things even if you wake up 13 years ago, and even then if the conspiracy theorists are right you will fail anyway. So have a lot of fun trying that instead of using the event as leverage to establish premonition among people you know and ride out the next decade quietly making yourself and everyone around you rich as gently caress.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 17:07

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

im curious about the brain chemistry of this whole thing because if it's just your adult brain in your kid head, that presents all kinds of problems but if i have a kid brain I begin to activate more than 2% of my brain

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 17:19

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

That brings up a good point, I'm going to prevent robin williams' suicide somehow. He is a more tragic loss than the sum total of death resulting from 9/11

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 18:01

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

Torka posted:

I don't think google and apple were unknown outsiders in 2001

it was still early enough in their appearance/resurgence respectively that you could profit pretty nicely off of the years to come.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 18:05

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

a world without facebook is a world where myspace lives on in perpetuity. Owned by newscorp. Don't do this.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 22:22

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

Carpet posted:

Get annoyed that I've got that song from TYOOL 2011 stuck in my head, but I can't listen to the real deal for another 10 years. And worry that any actions I make only increase the likelihood that, whatever series of events led to that song being created, will be disrupted in this new timeline

speaking of this, i'm going to go ahead and write/trademark St. Anger before it happens. it'll work better as a 12 year old's vanity project.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 23:54

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 15:21

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

Quickscope420dad posted:

gently caress the towers, we should focus on preventing bronies

kill LAUREN FAUST finally remembered

# ¿ Sep 9, 2014 01:18

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > You wake up on September 8th, 2001