Open Letter to Chrysler Haters

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Open Letter to Chrysler Haters

«‹›10 »

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

"Here we see Chrysler preparing the new Chrysler 200"

# ? Mar 26, 2015 19:10

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 06:13

BrokenKnucklez: Apr 22, 2008; by zen death robot

go3 posted:

i test drove a 2012 Charger and i'd describe the steering feel as yacht-like

They are bad rear end strait line cars. And they do make all the right noises. I will admit that, but every thing else...
Its so god awful.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 19:19

Seizure Meat: Jul 23, 2008; by Smythe

my cattes name is Smokey Eunuch that's pretty AI right

# ? Mar 26, 2015 19:26

BigPaddy: Jun 30, 2008; That night we performed the rite and opened the gate.
Halfway through, I went to fix us both a coke float.
By the time I got back, he'd gone insane.
Plus, he'd left the gate open and there was evil everywhere.

Elephanthead posted:

But chryslers are Italian?

Which is only a slight step up from being French.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 19:30

Francis Baconator: Jul 11, 2008; Thanks for the avatar man!

blugu64 posted:

It's important to get a rear defroster when buying a Chrysler so your hands don't get cold pushing it out of traffic.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 19:50

wilfredmerriweathr: Jul 11, 2005

My last rental 200 had 400 miles on it and the rear defrost didn't work.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 20:19

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

Francis Baconator posted:

On the plus side Chryslers are all very safe because the tow truck takes most of the impact.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 20:48

Wrar: Sep 9, 2002; Soiled Meat

My grandmother's crappy late 80s Dodge Minivan set itself on fire at some point in the 90s.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 20:48

StandardVC10: Feb 6, 2007; This avatar now 50% more dark mode compliant

Rode around in a rented Jeep Grand Cherokee last weekend. Seemed decent, better than a rented Tahoe anyway, but the engine was pretty wheezy under heavy load.

(The company also appeared to be renting Ford Focus and Fiesta STs with six-speed sticks. Why couldn't we have one of those?)

# ? Mar 26, 2015 20:56

CornHolio: May 20, 2001; Toilet Rascal

BrokenKnucklez posted:

They are bad rear end strait line cars. And they do make all the right noises. I will admit that, but every thing else...
Its so god awful.

So... just the handling, or are there other specific things wrong with the LX cars?

Because all this is so far is the statement about them handling like yachts and a bunch of "lol Dodge sucks" comments and anecdotes about eighties minivans.

I'm gonna ~~drive~~ navigate a Challenger this weekend and I still don't know why I shouldn't buy one.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 21:01

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

My dad was a huge Mopar guy back in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. He then started buying Japanese cars because "Chryslers were basically like flipping a coin as to whether you would get a good one or not." Nowadays it's more like rolling a die and getting a good one if it lands on 6.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 21:05

Francis Baconator: Jul 11, 2008; Thanks for the avatar man!

CornHolio posted:

So... just the handling, or are there other specific things wrong with the LX cars?

Because all this is so far is the statement about them handling like yachts and a bunch of "lol Dodge sucks" comments and anecdotes about eighties minivans.

I'm gonna ~~drive~~ navigate a Challenger this weekend and I still don't know why I shouldn't buy one.

I extensively test drove a Charger last year with my wife. We found it to be refined, comfortable and it had pretty good handling for a vehicle of it's size. Would've bought it if it wasn't a bit more car than we needed.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 21:15

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

Francis Baconator posted:

I extensively test drove a Charger last year with my wife. We found it to be refined, comfortable and it had pretty good handling for a vehicle of it's size. Would've bought it if it wasn't a bit more car than we needed.

Chrysler: The wealthy middle class man's car.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 21:46

Hugh G. Rectum: Mar 1, 2011

I was given a 2004 Chrysler Sebring convertible as a loaner car once from a shop. So gutless and unresponsive the only entertainment was mashing the gas pedal to the floor with the music and absolutely nothing happening. Driving that car made me lust for death. Just being near it caused suicidal ideation.

gently caress chrysler and gently caress you

# ? Mar 26, 2015 21:56

Mister Kingdom: Dec 14, 2005; And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

The one thing Chrysler is good at is taking a platform and wringing every last loving drop out of it.

They got about two dozen variants of the K-car alone.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 22:25

HATECUBE: Mar 2, 2007

Francis Baconator posted:

if it wasn't a bit more car than we needed

ex-chrysler reporting to say HAHA gently caress YOU THATS EVERYTHING THEY MAKE

seriously though MOPAR GSD was an interesting division to be in and i enjoyed my job.

that being said gently caress chrysler and gently caress you

# ? Mar 26, 2015 23:02

Seizure Meat: Jul 23, 2008; by Smythe

reminder that Hemi based engines are the most powerful automotive internal combustion engines ever produced :colbert:

# ? Mar 26, 2015 23:10

Francis Baconator: Jul 11, 2008; Thanks for the avatar man!

Bacon Hat posted:

ex-chrysler reporting to say HAHA gently caress YOU THATS EVERYTHING THEY MAKE

seriously though MOPAR GSD was an interesting division to be in and i enjoyed my job.

that being said gently caress chrysler and gently caress you

# ? Mar 26, 2015 23:17

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

VikingSkull posted:

reminder that Hemi based engines are the most powerful automotive internal combustion engines ever produced

Lambhorgini Aventador :colbert:

# ? Mar 26, 2015 23:31

G-Mach: Feb 6, 2011

My chrysler experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZAJfgqTtWM

# ? Mar 26, 2015 23:34

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

One thing I never understood is why Chrysler puts navigation systems in their cars, it's not like they'll go far enough to get lost or anything.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:04

Nyc_Tattoo: Feb 28, 2001; Tread Carefully,
lest thou rouse the
Coupons Dragon; Grimey Drawer

blugu64 posted:

One thing I never understood is why Chrysler puts navigation systems in their cars, it's not like they'll go far enough to get lost or anything.

It's to show the nearest service center for when you break down :parrot:

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:07

Seizure Meat: Jul 23, 2008; by Smythe

CommieGIR posted:

Lambhorgini Aventador

reminder that Chrysler owned Lamborghini

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:13

Mister Kingdom: Dec 14, 2005; And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

VikingSkull posted:

reminder that Chrysler owned Lamborghini

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:18

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

VikingSkull posted:

reminder that Chrysler owned Lamborghini

Reminder that Chrysler also had a stake in Maserati during the biturbo years.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:24

Mister Kingdom: Dec 14, 2005; And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

blugu64 posted:

Reminder that Chrysler also had a stake in Maserati during the biturbo years.

Who could forget this classic:

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:26

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

VikingSkull posted:

reminder that Chrysler owned Lamborghini

Reminder that the current generation of HEMI motors is a marketing gimmick.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:26

Applebees Appetizer: Jan 23, 2006

Blasphemy!

# ? Mar 27, 2015 00:49

mungtor: May 3, 2005; Yeah, I hate me too.; Nap Ghost

CornHolio posted:

So... just the handling, or are there other specific things wrong with the LX cars?

Because all this is so far is the statement about them handling like yachts and a bunch of "lol Dodge sucks" comments and anecdotes about eighties minivans.

I'm gonna ~~drive~~ navigate a Challenger this weekend and I still don't know why I shouldn't buy one.

What's going to happen is that you're going to actually drive one and immediately wonder how a new car with double digits on the odometer can ride worse, handle worse, and have more rattles than the 200k E39 you left back on the lot. You'll constantly be worried about hitting things because the car is huge and the sight lines are so poor that you'll have no idea of where in the lane you actually are. People will curse at you for wandering into their lane or pulling out in front of them, and you'll finally understand why it happens because you couldn't see them anyway. Then you'll take it back to the dealer, smile at the salesman, and it will be a relief to get back in your car.

However, that unfortunately doesn't apply only to Chrysler products.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 01:08

StandardVC10: Feb 6, 2007; This avatar now 50% more dark mode compliant

Mister Kingdom posted:

Who could forget this classic:

Just about everyone, it turns out.

Though I did see one for sale at Coffee and Cars last year. Own a piece of history!

# ? Mar 27, 2015 01:11

Mister Kingdom: Dec 14, 2005; And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

StandardVC10 posted:

Just about everyone, it turns out.

Though I did see one for sale at Coffee and Cars last year. Own a piece of ~~history~~ poo poo!

There, I fixed your spelling.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 01:22

clam ache: Sep 6, 2009

Francis Baconator posted:

Hearing a lot of Parrot squawking ITT.

"My friend's niece's grandmother's brother has a buddy who's a plumber and had an ECU go out on his 1987 Dodge Dynasty once, so Chryslers are all crap. I never owned one, but why would I, based solely on someone's 5th hand experience and Internet wisdom."

OK well I personally have seen the Chrysler sebring have a bad water pump kill the motor. Other cars it often wont do this. I also have seen what it takes to replace said water pump. And it is in fact such a lovely repair most people recommend changing the motor. But im not cradling chryco balls so all you probably hear is squak squak.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 02:07

Francis Baconator: Jul 11, 2008; Thanks for the avatar man!

SouthsideSaint posted:

OK well I personally have seen the Chrysler sebring have a bad water pump kill the motor. Other cars it often wont do this. I also have seen what it takes to replace said water pump. And it is in fact such a lovely repair most people recommend changing the motor. But im not cradling chryco balls so all you probably hear is squak squak.

Nope. The Sebring was a turd. Every manufacturer has the occasional one or two. Some more than others. Yes, that even includes Chrysler. Here is a partial list of Chrysler vehicles I don't like, just off the top of my head, in no particular order:

Sebring/Plymouth Breeze, Intrepid, Stratus, 2nd Gen Neon, PT Cruiser, Prowler, Mirada, Aspen, Caliber, Journey, Shadow and Diplomat.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 02:39

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

"Here we see Chrysler getting ready to cancel the Jeep Cherokee and launch the Jeep Commander"

# ? Mar 27, 2015 02:41

Cole: Nov 24, 2004; DUNSON'D

An 8.4L engine in a modern car is one of the dumbest thing I have ever heard of.

thanks that is my contribution to the Chrysler thread.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 02:49

Francis Baconator: Jul 11, 2008; Thanks for the avatar man!

CommieGIR posted:

"Here we see Chrysler getting ready to cancel the Jeep Cherokee and launch the Jeep Commander"

Must be a stock photo you're linking. That's the same one they used for the launch of the 4th gen Mazda Miata. In fact, I think I've seen that same image used in an expose on the VAG parts production line.

Cole posted:

An 8.4L engine in a modern car is one of the dumbest thing I have ever heard of.

There is no replacement for displacement. 8.4L is, at best, an acceptable starting point.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 03:07

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

Francis Baconator posted:

There is no replacement for displacement.

And this thread isn't about you fellating Chrysler, right? :allears:

# ? Mar 27, 2015 03:13

ExplodingSims: Aug 17, 2010; RAGDOLL
FLIPPIN IN A MOVIE
HOT DAMN
THINK I MADE A POOPIE

Francis Baconator posted:

Nope. The Sebring was a turd. Every manufacturer has the occasional one or two. Some more than others. Yes, that even includes Chrysler. Here is a partial list of Chrysler vehicles I don't like, just off the top of my head, in no particular order:

Sebring/Plymouth Breeze, Intrepid, Stratus, 2nd Gen Neon, PT Cruiser, Prowler, Mirada, Aspen, Caliber, Journey, Shadow and Diplomat.

Only 90% of Cryco's lineup is bad, but they're not a bad company because.... :v:

Anyways, from doing Valet and getting to drive most of the Chrysler lineup, I wasn't impressed by any of them. All of the pre-2012 cars have lovely, sheet plastic interiors that fall apart, terrible fit and finish, and most have pretty terrible feeling engines. Seriously though Chrysler has to be the worst at interiors more than anything, miles of plastic that feels like it'll snap if you put your fist down too hard. Though to give them credit, they have improved on that since 2013 or so.

Though I was kinda surprised by their minivans. The Town and Country actually seemed pretty nice for what it was. And I hate minivans.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 03:13