bradzilla posted:

These confessions are poo poo because 99% of them are obviously fake

Ddraig posted:

My confession is that I banged this guy's mom and didn't call the next day.

bradzilla posted:

These confessions are poo poo because 99% of them are obviously fake

Anne Whateley posted:

Very upset that the Nesh story wasn't a "better Nate than lever"-style joke

Ddraig posted:

My confession is that I banged this guy's mom and didn't call the next day.

Shayu posted:

I have a confession... I'm sad

Aralan posted:

I have to confess that real or not everyone who cares about a wrestler being a goon is an idiot

Aralan posted:

I have to confess that real or not everyone who cares about a wrestler being a goon is an idiot

Moridin920 posted:

i have to confess that i am a retard idiot who needs a spanking from daddy

quote:

I was bullied in the primary school. I'm 25 now and still get an occasional nightmare about it. What pisses me off the most is how it still gets to invade one of the most personal places a person can have: one's dreams.

I cannot help but conclude that I'm in fact still not over some stupid poo poo which happened more then 10 years ago and that my life is still being defined by my primary school experience. That would also imply I haven't moved on as a person ever since, which is depressing as poo poo.

quote:

I suspect I'm trans. For as long as I can remember I've hated being a
girl. It's wrong. Every night when I dream I'm a guy and I hate waking
up - I even have problems having sex because I don't have the right
parts in the right place.I guess the confession is that I'd give
anything under the sun to be who I was supposed to be but even if I
did start hormones/surgery, the best Id end up with is a sort of
frankendick. I'm so jealous of transwomen because they at least can
become pretty much what they want to be. I have never come out to
anyone, not even online.
I also hate gay male culture because it's such a thing. I've always
identified as a gay male and just get insanely jealous that I can
never join in. Every trap thread on 4chan, every gay man I hear about
I have to pretend I not being destroyed inside. Everybody suspects my
younger brother is gay. If/when he comes out, I will probably try to
kill myself again because he has the life I was supposed to live.

H.H posted:

quote:

holy loving christ goons "triggered" is as poo poo a joke as "cuck" by this point cut it loving out

NotAnArtist you are specifically terrible for this I swear it's in every loving post you unfunny gently caress

in before "lol triggered cuck"

H.H posted:

holy loving christ goons "triggered" is as poo poo a joke as "cuck" by this point cut it loving out

NotAnArtist you are specifically terrible for this I swear it's in every loving post you unfunny gently caress

in before "lol triggered cuck"

Agentdark posted:

The greatest comedy would've be if one of the two alien stories was true

H.H posted:

lol triggered cuck

quote:

I've pooped my pants 5 times in my (non-baby) lifetime, each time has been pretty eventful.

1) Fourth Grade. Had to go really bad, teacher refused to let me go. I keep holding and holding, eventually just bolt out the door. Between my class room and the bathroom, I let a small turd out. I clean myself as best as I can, but everyone knew just from my running out of the door. One kid called me "lovely pants" until I smashed his head on the blacktop during recess.

2) Freshman Year of College. Drank way too much and decided to go to class anyway (8 am, had been up all night). Sitting in class, lecture starts, and after about 20 minutes I kind of pass out. Wake up in poo. Girl next to me has moved over to another row. Never sits near me again all semester.

3) First day of my internship. Taking the bus into town, it's a 40 minute ride. Had eaten hot wings the night before and drank too much. Proceed to poo. Get off at the first stop in town, run to public bathroom, throw away my dirty undies. Still made it to work early, just free-balled the day.

4) Third date with the (to-date) hottest girl I had ever dated. Watching Fellowship of the Ring in the theater, getting a handy, I refuse to get up. Boom - another pair of pants wasted. She either never noticed or didn't care - we dated for about a year after that and it was never mentioned.

5) Birth of my sister's son. The father was out of the picture, so I was in the delivery room. She pushed out the baby, which meant she poo'd a little, too. I like to think it was a weird family moment. I had eaten Arby's before this.

Shiki Dan posted:

Hey Kane, even if you're not a big anime fan go ahead and watch Fist of the North Star w/ John Cena. It owns.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjj5XejutCE

quote:

I'm trans and I realized it by reading several iterations of the trans megathread. It makes me sad that SA isn't really a safe place for trans people because the old trans threads used to be great resources but now every unfunny gently caress on the site tries to troll it, something sensitive posters want to doxx everyone that posts there, and people in GBS have some super weird obsession/fascination with trans people (women in particular).

I get that not every place on the internet needs to be a safe space or whatever but I have been reading SA since I was 15 and I like to post here and I wanna be able to be myself!

sout posted:

Is it intentional that the offshoot of "SA" is "SS" (something sensitive) because I'm getting some major Nazi Germany vibes here.

quote:

I got so drunk that while I was masturbating I tore a tiny hole along the side of my dick from the friction

I once put tape on my cat to make it walk funny, and I used to put peanut butter on the nose of my dog with a short tongue

I use funny sayings from sources that absolutely no one I am talking to will know about, and spin them as my own little stories

I once accidentally opened some kind of scat fetish website in the late 90's on dial-up with my mom ten feet away. She never knew, but I do.

quote:

I'm a girl and I was hanging out with a girlfriend last weekend. It was like 4 am and she was pretty drunk and I was not that drunk and we were watching She's All That. I farted but it was kind of audible and I don't know whether she heard me or not or remembers it but it was really embarrassing. I know she and her boyfriend don't fart in front of one another so it would be totally awkward if she heard it.

quote:

I lived with and watched the love of my life dying slowly for a year from terminal anorexia and self mutilation. It's been almost a year since we parted ways, and I still have nightmares about it every night. The only thing that brings me peace is that out of nowhere I decided to take up smoking meth. Just seemed like the thing to do I guess. I search for oblivion, and I don't care.

H.H posted:

quote:

I'm trans and I realized it by reading several iterations of the trans megathread. It makes me sad that SA isn't really a safe place for trans people because the old trans threads used to be great resources but now every unfunny gently caress on the site tries to troll it, something sensitive posters want to doxx everyone that posts there, and people in GBS have some super weird obsession/fascination with trans people (women in particular).

I get that not every place on the internet needs to be a safe space or whatever but I have been reading SA since I was 15 and I like to post here and I wanna be able to be myself!

quote:

I guess this isn't a very exciting confession, but mine is that my whole life as I describe it to other people is a lie. I live about 5000 miles away from any friends/family and as far as they know I'm over here having the time of my life. I go on vacations to exciting places not because I actually want to, but because I want to maintain the illusion to other people.

In reality I've lost interest in life. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what caused it, but I really started noticing myself spiraling out of control when I let my best friend die about 5 years ago. He had been bugging me all day to come hang out, but because I'm an rear end in a top hat and he did that all the time when he was bored, I just ignored him and got drunk and played call of duty by myself all day. He killed himself that night (intentional overdose) and I still consider myself responsible for it, as does his family I'm sure. I haven't had the courage to apologize or even speak to his family since then - I couldn't even bring myself to go to his funeral. Since then my alcohol problem has gotten way out of control and I can feel the consequences starting to build up in my body, but I just don't care. Whenever I go on those aforementioned vacations to exotic places, I mostly just snap a few pictures of touristy stuff and spend the rest of the time drunk cooped up in the hotel room.

People at work probably know something's going on since I actively avoid talking to them/developing any kind of friendship, but performance-wise I do fine and I'm generally pretty successful at what I do. It doesn't really matter to me though. I don't actively want to die but I think I'd be pretty OK with it if it happened naturally. I'm sure a lot of people go through this, but no matter how hard I try I can't make myself care enough to address the problem. I suppose I could hide going to a psychologist or whatever from my family, but I am still clinging to the "I could bootstraps my way out of this if I really wanted to" excuse, so I don't go.

anyway thats it

H.H posted:

quote:

I am a single mom with a 16 year old son. Last week I had a weird dream that I had sex with my son. When I woke up I was horrified and repulsed. Now I am having a hard time even giving him a hug and have been avoiding him a little.

quote:

I recently lost my job. I am a college graduate and have been in the same career field for 15 years. But now I can't find a job in my field. My savings are gone, I think I have $1.45 left in the bank. I am honestly surprised I still have internet service. My phone will be gone by Monday. I have no idea how I'm going to pay my rent on the first. I've applied for welfare and food stamps, but they say it could be more than a month until I
get a decision. My ex pays no child support. I have seriously considered sedating everyone and burning down the house.

quote:

The two trans confessions inspired me to post this. I hate being a woman. I don't really want to be a dude either but gently caress being female. gently caress dresses, makeup, jewellery, stupid shoes, billions of hair products, nail varnish, all those things could vanish from the earth and I would be glad. Heels don't empower me, what empowers me is seeing someone tottering along on their useless shoes and being able to effortlessly whiz past them at twice the speed in my sneakers. I cried when I got my first bra (luckily I have no tits to speak of). My ears aren't pierced and never will be. Periods loving blow, having to shove stuff up yourself like tampons is vile, and guys, did you know the vag just leaks goo half the loving time anyway??? I hate being ten times weaker than my guy friends who never work out, I hate being short and having to look up to guys I'm talking to, I hate not being able to talk loud enough to be heard in a noisy bar, I hate it when people don't expect me to be funny or smart or good at my job. I hate seeing MTF women being excited to take part in feminine bullshit because it makes me jealous, I wish I could enjoy all this crap I'm expected to wear and do.

Let's get this out of the way, I'm not fat or particularly ugly, I have a bf... it's just that I can't wait to be able to replace this garbage flesh with an awesome gender neutral robot body.

H.H posted:

H.H posted:

quote:

I'm a dude in my 20s running a startup tech company that has some pretty great potential. Helps that i'm a techie, not just an 'ideas' dickbag who comes up with some lovely 'airbnb/uber for x' idea and then cums everywhere hoping to succeed.

I'm also a recovering alcoholic. The only thing stopping me from relapsing and going on a binge is that I'm on a med called disulfiram, which makes you violently ill if you touch booze. Like literally i have to be careful about using poo poo like certain aftershaves, mouthwash and wine sauces in food etc. Sober like 2-3 months now and body tests show that i've more or less fully recovered from any damage done.

But I'm not happy with being sober. It's just made it so apparent how loving boring and lovely life really is, despite trying to get out there and try normal stuff (socialising, dating, hiking, gym stuff etc). Yeah yeah 'wait it out a year or so and it gets better' - gently caress you, the world is an unforgiving pile of poo poo filled with horrid people and you all know it.

Should I just wean off the meds for the 2 weeks or so it takes to flush out of the system and get back to escaping reality with booze? (have tried stuff like weed, coke, salvia, shrooms etc...eh not really my thing to be honest, booze is my demon pal).

*sigh*