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Ok so, both me and my SO have social anxiety issues. We share an apartment and a bed and do all the normal couple things but any serious discussion we will log in to AIM and work it out from separate rooms. We’ve been together for a year or so now and I’m thinking of asking her to marry me. We don’t really have any fights per se – mostly comes up when there is a disagreement but we are not in reach of our computers, like out at the mall or something. We’ve tried texting each other but that gets super awkward really fast. She is also unemployed and her cell phone plan charges per text message so we can’t get any deep stuff worked out without it costing an arm and a leg. I’m worried that if I ask in person she will get upset and start crying again. We definitely love each other and want this to last but she doesn’t like to be put on the spot. I’m considering leaving the ring in the fridge, asking her to marry me and then telling her to go check the fridge. I tried to ask some friends or my parents what they think but it got super awkward so I dropped it. My parents don’t have IM or facebook so it’s hard to talk to them. A couple ppl I play games with said it was a good idea so that’s good I guess. (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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Jul 24, 2015 16:33
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 07:57 |
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lmao this cannot be real
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Jul 24, 2015 16:34
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If it works for you, what the hell does it matter what we, the unwashed masses, who sit here only to judge the hijinx of strangers think? I expect the following posts will list reasons you should be second-guessing your wish to propose to your girlfriend, most of which will question her unemployment and inability/unwillingness to communicate like a mature adult.
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Jul 24, 2015 16:35
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A year in seems really early to propose. Especially considering you can't have face to face serious discussions without the ability to self-edit through AIM. You should probably slow your roll and just continue to enjoy the relationship - there's no need to rush a marriage. Why do you feel this is the right time to propose?
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Jul 24, 2015 16:38
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It's 2015, the mere act of using AIM is tacky
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Jul 24, 2015 16:41
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Also lol holy poo poo maybe gain the ability to hold a conversation with each other before you try to legally tether yourselves together
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Jul 24, 2015 16:43
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So you're in bed together and a serious discussion comes up. You both leave the bed and go to other rooms and log into computers and chat that way?
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Jul 24, 2015 16:44
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Dirty Beluga posted:We’ve tried texting each other but that gets super awkward really fast. She is also unemployed and her cell phone plan charges per text message so we can’t get any deep stuff worked out without it costing an arm and a leg. This is my favorite part I think?
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Jul 24, 2015 16:44
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quote:I tried to ask some friends or my parents what they think but it got super awkward so I dropped it What specifically happened here? When it was brought up, what exactly did they say or how did they react?
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Jul 24, 2015 16:45
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Write "will you marry me" on a paper airplane then throw it at her and hide in your room
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Jul 24, 2015 16:46
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I do.
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Jul 24, 2015 16:46
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Good fakepost. Funny to imagine a couple living in the same apt. but unable to communicate because of per-text messaging fees. There's always pen and paper.
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Jul 24, 2015 16:49
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Setting aside all the other problems with this trainwreck, maybe a surprise proposal is not the best idea for your girlfriend's crippling pathological anxiety issues??? It turns out that adults can discuss and plan for their shared future without dramatically revealing several thousand dollars worth of ring. Come to think of it, I don't think I know anyone who's emotionally mature enough for marriage who didn't discuss proposing at length with their SO before proposing, which probably explains why you're considering a surprise proposal to someone you haven't talked about marriage at all to.
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Jul 24, 2015 16:51
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I have no idea if aim supports it or not because it's been ten years since anyone used it, but consider sending her an emoji that looks like a wedding ring to gauge her reaction. If she's all "omg yes" them you're set, if her response is something about literally shaking at her desk, you just tell her you sent the wrong thing and send a picture of a cat or something
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Jul 24, 2015 17:01
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Sigma-X posted:Why do you feel this is the right time to propose? flashy_mcflash posted:So you're in bed together and a serious discussion comes up. You both leave the bed and go to other rooms and log into computers and chat that way? flashy_mcflash posted:What specifically happened here? When it was brought up, what exactly did they say or how did they react? It's not going to be a surprise, I don't think. We've been to other weddings and she's made comments about 'how nice it must be' etc... so she's def into the idea. As far as the chatting thing, I know it's not ideal and we're working on it. Our therapist said to try writing down stuff that is hard to say and since both of our handwriting is terrible we migrated to AIM. It's just much easier to type for both of us than it is to re-write the same thing over and over again until it's legible.
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Jul 24, 2015 17:18
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JakeP posted:lmao this cannot be real
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Jul 24, 2015 17:34
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JakeP posted:This is my favorite part I think? That's good but this is my favorite. Dirty Beluga posted:My parents don’t have IM or facebook so it’s hard to talk to them.
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Jul 24, 2015 17:37
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If you get married will it be a full on ceremony/reception thing where she has a crippling panic attack at the altar, or will it just be a quick trip down to city hall where she has a crippling panic attack at the registrar
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Jul 24, 2015 17:40
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please invite the forums to whatever windswept cliff in wow your wedding will be held at tia
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Jul 24, 2015 17:46
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Are you guys planning on having kids? If so, how do you plan on communicating with them before they learn to read? Serious post: provided this is for real, I can tell you as someone with SA (though nowhere as bad as you guys) that IMing each other when you're in the same apartment is really bad for your SA. You guys need to stop enabling each other and learn to talk to each out loud or your SA is not going to improve.
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Jul 24, 2015 17:53
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I hope you two elope and have a wonderful e-lationship
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Jul 24, 2015 18:23
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Dirty Beluga posted:I really love her and am worried that if I wait around she’ll find someone else. How could that possibly happen. How do people like you two even find each other in the first place? How do people like this exist?
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Jul 24, 2015 18:37
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lambeth posted:Are you guys planning on having kids? If so, how do you plan on communicating with them before they learn to read? My brain is off to a bad start, this is how this read to me at first
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Jul 24, 2015 18:40
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What's her sa username
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Jul 24, 2015 18:40
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JakeP posted:lmao this cannot be real agreed still pretty funny though
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Jul 24, 2015 18:49
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One of my best friends in high school moved to Arkansas for a girl he met online when he was like 20. They got married and are by all accounts still super happy more than a decade later, but the last time I ever went to hang out with them they were both playing WoW on a shared desk and were chatting to each other in game instead of just talking across the two feet that separated them and it really struck me. To this day I still feel profoundly unsettled by it. Talking with my partner is one of my favorite things in the world. Different strokes I guess, maybe I'm being too judgme- nah.
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Jul 24, 2015 18:52
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Follow your heart, OP.
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Jul 24, 2015 19:31
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Check the fridge *gives knowing look* you know where it is.
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Jul 24, 2015 19:34
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Popular Thug Drink posted:please invite the forums to whatever windswept cliff in wow your wedding will be held at tia  This almost sounds more like you guys are living a long distance relationship. Was there ever any of that in this relationship when it began, or were you two always in the same city? I was married 9 years. Being able to have constructive fights that resolve the issues which inevitably creep into a relationship is extremely important. Enough cannot be said about emotions carried in the nuance of voice and facial expressions. There is nothing more powerful than watching someone you love cry because of what you did and owning it. Written text is the basest form of discussion. If you're serious about starting a long-term relationship with her, have you considered getting you two into joint/group counseling to address this issue first? I think it's a good idea.
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Jul 24, 2015 19:36
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Assuming it's all real, if you can't talk about something like this without her freaking out, your relationship has too many underlying problems for you to be getting married. First you need treatment, then you can think about marriage.
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Jul 24, 2015 19:51
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Leave her a note.code:
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Jul 24, 2015 19:54
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Real answer. Just loving do whatever. You are both really weird so do whatever weird thing seems acceptable. Just keep in mind, eventually one of you might grow up and it will turn real lovely real fast.
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Jul 24, 2015 19:56
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Dirty Beluga posted:It just feels right. A few of our friends are getting married now and she’s hinted around that ‘it must be nice’ and stuff like that so def seems like she’s ready. I really love her and am worried that if I wait around she’ll find someone else. Why haven't you aim chatted about marriage? You should know if she's ready. My gf of almost two years is not ready, and will likely never be ready, and would rather co-habitate without marriage because she feels marriage leads to people taking the other for granted. I know about this because we have had numerous discussions about our plans for the future. Most of these take place on long car rides driving between each other's places, which is where we have most of our "deep" conversations. It sounds like your plans for locking her down are kind of what my gf fears to be honest - wouldn't it be better to propose knowing that this person wants you in their life forever, and vice versa, rather than feeling you need to lock them down so they can't get away? It sounds like you guys have found a method to communicate which is good but you might want to use the communication method to figure out what her real feelings are about marriage. If she's not ready to talk about it, even through your serious-discussion-channel of AIM, then she might not be ready for marriage but she might feel obligated / scared into it, which is not going to build a healthy future for you two. You don't have to be married to be committed to each other and in love with each other and supportive. You can go another year or two or five without being married and if the marriage was meant to be it won't be jeopardized by waiting.
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Jul 24, 2015 20:02
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wait a second are there really people stupid enough to believe this post is real?
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Jul 24, 2015 20:03
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How about while you are sitting next to each other on your computers..you change your fb status to "married" and then stare at her meaningfully until she notices. Then tell her to look in the fridge.
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Jul 24, 2015 20:34
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Dirty Beluga posted:Ok so, both me and my SO have social anxiety issues. We share an apartment and a bed and do all the normal couple things but any serious discussion we will log in to AIM and work it out from separate rooms. We’ve been together for a year or so now and I’m thinking of asking her to marry me. don't discuss serious issues soley on the computer what the heck don't loving ask her to marry you over aim! are you 14. if you can't even discuss serious issues in person you are nowhere near being ready to be married
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Jul 24, 2015 20:35
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down with slavery posted:wait a second are there really people stupid enough to believe this post is real? Everything is real.
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Jul 24, 2015 20:37
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I hope your girlfriend is like most of the girls from my high school (back when people used AIM, more than a decade ago) and her heartfelt response looks something like this:
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Jul 24, 2015 20:53
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C- Obviously fake, but reading still made me chuckle imagining it was real.
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Jul 24, 2015 21:09
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 07:57 |
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flashy_mcflash posted:So you're in bed together and a serious discussion comes up. You both leave the bed and go to other rooms and log into computers and chat that way? don't be ridiculous. they pull out their phones and txt eachother.
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Jul 24, 2015 21:12
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