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I have been with my fiancé for 11 years. We have lived together for almost all of that time and have owned a home together for 6 years now. For various reasons, getting married wasn’t a priority and if we lived in a state with Common Law marriage this whole thing would be moot. As we’ve gotten older and our lives more complex the built-in defaults and assumptions of the legal framework have started to become more important. I proposed last January and we have spent the past 10 months planning a wedding for early next February. We wanted a winter wedding and the only date available at the venue we wanted was in February. This seemed to be a great time. Bookings have been made and we are very much looking forward to it. However one thing we weren’t aware of was the dramatic changes in the way the tax bill passed late last year was going to affect our financial situation pre and post nuptials. There is about a 4x income gap between us that means the refactoring of brackets in statuses impacts us a lot. This was not an issue previously as the deductions for the house concentrated on one return worked out to make that theoretical gap pretty small. This year the tax status differential is about $7500 for us filing singe vs married/jointly. We are not going to move our date or plans for our celebration with family and friends. Too much has been done at this point and doing a change at this time is just impossible. To that end it leaves a discrete few options each with their own risks or drawbacks. - Do nothing, forego the money - Get married as planned, report as planned, rely on the assumption that the status is not tracked by the IRS from the states and file jointly but live in fear of an audit for 3+ years - Get the officiant to file a previous date, claim the money, worry about getting reported or even getting the officiant to do it - Go to the court house in December, tell guests or even just close family - Go to the court house in December, tell no one Based on the thread title, I’m sure you’ve figured out that I’d love to self justify that there is a difference between a legal arrangement of marriage and the social construct. While I logically argue that it’s perfectly appropriate to separate them I can’t help but feel a little strange about it. I know some people choose or are forced to do a court house ceremony. I’m not trying to classify one as superior to another generally but I would certainly believe that the social ceremony to be more special than the legal one to me in this case. I think if I have learned anything from the past 20 year conversation on marriage, partnerships, and unions is that people often have very personalized views of what applies to their situation. I have done some googling on the current acceptability of this practice and see a lot of situations on less interesting forums where the gap is more substantial in time and usually for visas, insurance, or home ownership. I don’t like the idea of re-classifying our primary celebration as not a wedding, and we would both recognize the February date as our anniversary even if we did a pre Dec 31 legal wedding. Am I nuts? Would you fill out some paper for $7500? Would you tell your family? Anyone know anything about the IRS reporting and verification of wedding status with states? If it matters we are getting married in a state we aren’t residents of so the state won’t have a tax return to cross check. I’m inclined to do the court house, tell no family and take the money but I want advice from strangers on the internet.
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Nov 30, 2018 05:44
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All mortal contracts are an affront to G*d, op
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Nov 30, 2018 05:53
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I think that lying about it is probably a bad idea OP and is a good way to get yourself in trouble with the IRS at some point. Unless $7500 dollars is going to make a huge material difference in your life, I would say you should be safer rather than sorry. Especially now that you've... posted on a public forum about this. Edit: rereading, I see that you have the option of doing something that doesn't seem to be illegal, but do you really think you could keep such a thing secret forever? You would probably be mocked for it. If that doesn't matter very much then holding a celebration in February and waiting until December to file doesn't seem like the worst idea, assuming that it is legal of course (which you should ask an actual lawyer/accountant about). Lightning Knight fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Nov 30, 2018 |
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Nov 30, 2018 07:06
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Dude just go get matried in a courthouse and take the $$ you can still have a wedding and status quote the entire thing other than the minor detail
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Nov 30, 2018 07:32
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Just get married in the courthouse, dude. It's not weird at all. You can celebrate with friends and family later, just think of the courthouse bit as a legal formality and get a nice dinner after with part of the SEVEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS this tiny legal jigamaroo will save you. Don't even lie to friends and family about it. If they ask why you got married in a courthouse before the big party, tell them it's because it saved you SEVEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS to do so. It'll pay for your goddamn honeymoon. Just do it.
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Nov 30, 2018 08:03
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eat poo poo, pay your taxes
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Nov 30, 2018 08:05
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Nthing the courthouse wedding in December. My sister got a courthouse wedding before her big wedding for a similar reason years ago. They invited the immediate families and we had a fun time. A coworker did the same thing a few weeks ago because they want a big spring wedding and his fiance had some medical issues pop up, marriage allowed him to put his now wife on his insurance . It's not a big deal, just be honest about it
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Nov 30, 2018 08:13
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karthun posted:Nthing the courthouse wedding in December. My sister got a courthouse wedding before her big wedding for a similar reason years ago. They invited the immediate families and we had a fun time. A coworker did the same thing a few weeks ago because they want a big spring wedding and his fiance had some medical issues pop up, marriage allowed him to put his now wife on his insurance . It's not a big deal, just be honest about it lol you seriously considering paying $7500 over whether or not some super lame piece of paperwork gets signed now or in two months? You already said you've been together 11 years and wouldn't even bother if your state had Common Law Marriage so what's the hangup over going to the courthouse in December?
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Nov 30, 2018 08:26
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Chimp_On_Stilts posted:Just get married in the courthouse, dude. It's not weird at all. You can celebrate with friends and family later, just think of the courthouse bit as a legal formality and get a nice dinner after with part of the SEVEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS this tiny legal jigamaroo will save you. Pretty much this. Get the government paperwork signed and have the celebration when you want to have it. Who cares? Your anniversary can be the day of the marriage celebration or the day you got engaged or the day you met or the day you signed formal paperwork at a courthouse. There's no restrictions, it's all up to you two. But take the money. I can't think of a single ethical reason not to do it. It's not fraudulent legally, it's not like you're scamming someone or getting bribed to get married. This honestly seems like the easiest decision married life will present to you.
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Nov 30, 2018 08:26
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Please do not commit tax fraud, why do I have to tell you this.
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Nov 30, 2018 08:32
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On the other hand OP if you’re ready to consider shrugging off $7500 because of some weird consideration on the symbolic value of a matrimonial ceremony, it probably means that the government of the United States needs that money more than you do So marry in February and forego the tax credit
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Nov 30, 2018 08:46
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100% yes and everyone who says otherwise is a Rich Kid
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Nov 30, 2018 09:14
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Pththya-lyi posted:Please do not commit tax fraud, why do I have to tell you this. ......... rich kid.....
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Nov 30, 2018 09:15
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Weddings are romantic, and getting married is romantic. You know what isn't romantic? Debt. Get the early courthouse marriage, and be proud of yourselves for making the first joint responsible financial decision of your married life. You will have a happier marriage by doing what's best for you two rather than caring what anyone else thinks. Also, the nice part about a big ceremony with friends and family isn't "I'm getting married". It's "everyone is here to celebrate us being happy". What a legal piece of paper might say does nothing to change that.
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Nov 30, 2018 09:31
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If your parents already know you are getting married, feel free to get the paperwork signed and have the ceremony in February. You can tell anyone you want, or not, it doesn't matter. Jeez, there are people who stay single in a couple before they have kids if they are DINK and you're complaining about this 
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Nov 30, 2018 09:33
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Nobody gives a gently caress when you're legally married, and it's pretty common to do the paperwork for legal purposes and then have the ceremony for the family an/or to fulfill religious obligations later when there's a good reason to. Happens a lot for military families, for example, where a quick courthouse marriage happens before a deployment to get benefits squared away and the actual ceremony is planned for when the deployed spouse gets back. If anyone in your family gives you poo poo over it, point out that the money saved paid for the wedding reception. 
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Nov 30, 2018 10:11
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You need to hide it from your wife or you make her an accessory, op
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Nov 30, 2018 13:18
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Liquid Communism posted:Nobody gives a gently caress when you're legally married, and it's pretty common to do the paperwork for legal purposes and then have the ceremony for the family an/or to fulfill religious obligations later when there's a good reason to. Happens a lot for military families, for example, where a quick courthouse marriage happens before a deployment to get benefits squared away and the actual ceremony is planned for when the deployed spouse gets back. quick trip to 50% benefits after deployment too
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Dec 1, 2018 07:34
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LeoMarr posted:quick trip to 50% benefits after deployment too Well yeah. Newlyweds on deployment are an incredibly bad idea.
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Dec 1, 2018 07:44
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Just go to the courthouse. I'm in a very similar situation (was in a 10+ year relationship, just never went official) and we eventually decided to go do it over dental insurance when I ended up needing some more expensive stuff. "The courthouse" ended up being the county jail here which was even funnier when we asked my husband's parents to come witness. (His mother may never forgive me for the "come pick your son up from jail" joke we pulled on them but I maintain it was worth it.) Signing the paperwork isn't "your wedding", and legal marriage is about being responsible monetarily more than anything.
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Dec 1, 2018 07:57
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The ceremony and the paperwork are two different things, you doofus. Go sign the papers at a courthouse and have your wedding ceremony as planned. To answer your extremely misleading thread title, yes but it depends on what he's asking me to lie about and also if I'm paid first in cash.
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Dec 1, 2018 14:08
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People get married at the courthouse months before their ceremony all the time. If you live in the US, most of your weirdo Christian family won’t think it’s real until the ceremony happens anyway.
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Dec 1, 2018 14:56
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Lying to the IRS about being married so that you can't be well technically'd by your family is awfully silly but not quite as silly as just eating the $7500. I'm no expert in how likely you are to get caught but I'd wager $7500 that doing so has positive expected value.
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Dec 1, 2018 19:16
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:Lying to the IRS about being married so that you can't be well technically'd by your family is awfully silly but not quite as silly as just eating the $7500. I'm no expert in how likely you are to get caught but I'd wager $7500 that doing so has positive expected value. There's no lying to the IRS going on here. File that paperwork at the courthouse and you're married in the eyes of the IRS regardless of when the ceremony happens.
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Dec 2, 2018 06:39
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Go to the courthouse and get married now, not just for the money but to avoid a runaway bride situation where her long lost lover and/or best friend destroys your marriage by declaring his love and trying to stop the wedding. With the paperwork secured you can laugh in his/her face and tell them it's too late.
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Dec 2, 2018 06:50
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KennyG posted:Am I nuts? Would you fill out some paper for $7500? Would you tell your family? Anyone know anything about the IRS reporting and verification of wedding status with states? If it matters we are getting married in a state we aren’t residents of so the state won’t have a tax return to cross check. I’m inclined to do the court house, tell no family and take the money but I want advice from strangers on the internet. It's not at all unusual to have your legal wedding un-linked to your actually marriage ceremony. We got legally married 2 months before our ceremony as it would have been wholly infeasible and hundreds of extra dollars in paperwork to do it at the same time, and also no one gives a poo poo about watching you sign a paper. IME I've only ever seen the wedding papers signed when I was in the wedding party, I've never seen anyone sit down with a pen and sign their marriage certificate at the altar. As long as you're legally married by the time the ceremony rolls around, then whatever. Don't lie to the IRS, that's an incredibly dumb plan, especially if you're living in the US.
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Dec 2, 2018 17:11
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Tell your family and friends you are going to get married in February and have the ceremony for the reasons you stated but that you will get the actual legal stuff of being married done before that for financial reasons. Seems pretty clear cut, no reason to have any conflicted feelings about this.
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Dec 2, 2018 19:17
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Get married, spend paper, smoke trees. Word.
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Dec 2, 2018 19:56
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reignonyourparade posted:There's no lying to the IRS going on here. File that paperwork at the courthouse and you're married in the eyes of the IRS regardless of when the ceremony happens.
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Dec 3, 2018 01:00
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Nthing to go get your civil papers. My wife & I got the legal paperwork done several months before the church wedding. No particular reason. No one knew; no one cared. We've been together thirty years, married 28.
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Dec 3, 2018 06:15
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I'm gonna be serious a sec and amend my previous statement to be clear. Get your papers before the year is through. Spend your incoming money on weed. Then smoke that weed in honour of the founding fathers, getting blazed as all gently caress as they intended you. God Bless the United States of America.
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Dec 3, 2018 19:43
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