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 There is no social unrest, pandemic, or concern for player saftey which will stand in the way of CONMEBOL lining their pockets with sponsor cash, so welcome to the Copa América 2021 Enjoy 28 matches in 27 days between June 13th and July 10th. The tournament was moved to Brazil at the last moment, and in spite of rumors that the main teams might boycott the tournament, most are turning up with their full-strength squads. All of this is irrelevant, as Brasil will handily win the tournament. The host cities are Rio de Janeiro, Brasilia, Goiânia, and Cuiabá. Due to COVID-19, the tradition of inviting two teams to participate was thrown out the window, and so the 10 teams have been split into 2 groups of 5. This means 20 matches will be disputed in order to determine which 2 teams won’t advance to the next round. A very important stage to be sure. Group A: Argentina Bolivia Chile Paraguay Uruguay Group B: Brazil Colombia Ecuador Peru Venezuela - Here is all you need to know about these countries. Adopt your third-world country to root for now, before the tournament starts - Argentina: In theory good, but will surely underperform. This tournament is one of Messi’s last chances to win an international trophy, but they’ll find a way to gently caress it up. In the recent WC Qualifiers, Argentina had 2 draws against opposition they should be smashing. How the hell is Scaloni still manager??? Do Argentinians like him? Bolivia: Bad. One of their players is from Deportes Melipilla for gently caress sakes. Cool and good Chumacero isn’t even going because my team got him injured. Also, as of today they have 5 confirmed COVID-positive players. Brazil: Good. They will win the tournament. There were questions if they would even turn up for the tournament, but in fact their team is full strength, and will clown this tournament easily.  Tragically, Fagner has not been called upChile: Bad. This the last chance for Chile’s golden generation to shine, as they sure as hell aren’t going to qualify for Qatar 2022. They are going to be blooding a decent number of youth players (Keep an eye on Carlos Palacios who definitely will not embarrass me for hyping him). Alexis Sánchez is out for at least the group stages, and new manager Lasarte has not impressed in the few games played, meaning the risk of not exiting the group is more real than ever. Colombia: Mostly bad. The team is composed of a set of recognizable players for fans of European football, but Colombia always seems to achieve less than their perpetual dark-horse status hoists on them. Ecuador: Maybe okay? They’re usually dogshit, but Gustavo Alfaro has them high in the qualifications for Qatar 2022, so they might make a surprisingly deep run. Or they might return to the mean and be complete poo poo. Paraguay: Bad. Ask any Newcastle fan how good it is to depend on Almirón for goals. My pick to not leave group A, even if the obvious choice would be Bolivia Peru: Decent. Their last few years under Gareca have been some of their best, with a final in the last Copa América and a World Cup appearance to show for it. I see no reason for them to not do similarly well at this tournament. Cool boy Christian Cueva will make approximately 1000 assists Uruguay: Good (If Polidoro is still around, he’ll say they’re poo poo). They won’t win, but they’ll make a deep run. This is probably one of the last times Uruguay can reliably depend on some of their biggest names like Godín, Suárez, Calvani, etc. Team most likely to do a racism Venezuela: Bad. Their squad has been decimated by COVID-19, with 12 players confirmed positive. Their chances of exiting group B are slim, but I hope to see my favorite midget Soteldo in the knock-out stages anyway. Redczar fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Jun 13, 2021 |
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Jun 13, 2021 02:42
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Great summary, thanks OP. I'm surprised more teams don't have players out for COVID, particularly Brazil.
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Jun 13, 2021 04:00
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Proper tournament here. No opening ceremony or tiny cars
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Jun 13, 2021 21:55
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Or fans
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Jun 13, 2021 22:16
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Anything less than a 3-0 over Venezuela is a failure.
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Jun 13, 2021 22:22
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Third of the way there lol
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Jun 13, 2021 22:25
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Two thirds now.
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Jun 13, 2021 23:26
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Max Coveri posted:Anything less than a 3-0 over Venezuela is a failure. Waiting to see if this comes true is the only entertaining thing about this match. Before the penalty, it was wondering if Venezuela could scrape a draw e: there it is Redczar fucked around with this message at 23:49 on Jun 13, 2021 |
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Jun 13, 2021 23:43
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Neymar went and scored with his chest
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Jun 13, 2021 23:51
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I’m unironically glad that Gabigol has revitalized his career since leaving europe. Seemed a good lad who meant well.
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Jun 13, 2021 23:57
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Gigi Galli posted:I’m unironically glad that Gabigol has revitalized his career since leaving europe. Seemed a good lad who meant well. It's a drat shame he's playing for the least likeable club in Série A.
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Jun 14, 2021 00:01
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Max Coveri posted:It's a drat shame he's playing for the least likeable club in Série A. He’s just continuing his streak of playing for the least likeable club in all of the worlds Serie A’s.
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Jun 14, 2021 00:06
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Gigi Galli posted:He’s just continuing his streak of playing for the least likeable club in all of the worlds Serie A’s.  E: oh wait, actually I do want to comment that I believe the correct term is "Series A"
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Jun 14, 2021 00:10
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i'd like peru to win this and solano to celebrate by breaking lockdown to attend another orgy
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Jun 14, 2021 09:48
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good game please
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Jun 14, 2021 22:02
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this lionel fellow seems good
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Jun 14, 2021 22:35
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Good free kick that.
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Jun 14, 2021 22:36
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very entertaining that
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Jun 14, 2021 23:17
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I did not think I'd be watching a competitive match featuring Lionel Messi, Angel Di Maria, Arturo Vidal and Blackburn Rovers superstar Ben Brereton Diaz this summer
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Jun 14, 2021 23:46
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He's the future of Chile OP
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Jun 14, 2021 23:58
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That match was peak CONMEBOL, love it
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Jun 15, 2021 00:02
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Lol at the 9 minutes of stoppage and VAR so that Argentina could take a bad corner.
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Jun 15, 2021 00:16
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I’m feeling a Bolivia win here
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Jun 15, 2021 01:57
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Enjoying how violent this game has been
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Jun 15, 2021 02:22
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poor Bolivia, it was inevitable playing with ten
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Jun 15, 2021 02:34
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Time to root for one of my best teams
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Jun 15, 2021 11:29
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Redczar posted:Day 3 of the copa and we are up to 52 cases of covid linked to the event, with infections in the delegations of Peru and Colombia joining the outbreaks in the Venezuelan and Bolivian squads. (Link in Portuguese) watch Big Bolso yap about "it's a 2% death rate bah bah bah they should've taken hydroxicloroquine weh weh face death like a man"
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Jun 16, 2021 06:50
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Lol that the galaxy-brain play of calling up Ben Brerererereton is actually paying off
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Jun 18, 2021 22:13
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Was there a Covid outbreak in the thread? Currently Racists 1 - 1 Chile EDIT: Kick Anglicized names out of CONMEBOL 
Moktaro fucked around with this message at 23:33 on Jun 21, 2021 |
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Jun 21, 2021 23:30
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Uruguay has been incredibly disappointing so far. Take Suárez, Cavani and Tabárez out back already and end their misery Anyway, with this draw, Chile’s already classified to the next round. Moktaro posted:EDIT: Kick Anglicized names out of CONMEBOL Does this include names like Bráyathan, Jhonny or Wisin? Redczar fucked around with this message at 00:41 on Jun 22, 2021 |
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Jun 22, 2021 00:31
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xG reference, take a drink.
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Jun 22, 2021 01:18
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Argentina’s lucky to have got a goal before they started playing like absolute poo poo
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Jun 22, 2021 01:29
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Owen Goal strikes again...offside?
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Jun 22, 2021 01:46
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lol (?) edit: lol Argentina
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Jun 22, 2021 01:47
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If Paraguay want a goal, and they insist on crosses, they might want to consider having more than one guy in the box, just a thought
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Jun 22, 2021 02:40
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Argentina are insanely bad for how much individual talent they have. If Almiron had someone else to help him offensively Paraguay would have a few goals by now.
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Jun 22, 2021 02:49
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Argentina is actually good and they're winning it all. Maybe. probably not. but maybe
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Jun 22, 2021 02:55
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Worst match of the tournament so far Every team on this continent except Brazil is so bad lol, the World Cup is going to be beyond embarrassing for us
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Jun 22, 2021 02:56
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 own goal by Peru
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Jun 23, 2021 22:30
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