|
 What is it? 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back is a podcast hosted by Michael J. Nelson and Conor Lastowka of RiifTrax semi-fame in which they read and mock bad literature. Well, *technically* they go in with an open mind so there's always the possibility that one of the books they read will actually be good, but so far they're batting 1000. The pod was named in reference to the first novel they covered, Ernest Cline's execrable Ready Player One, but as of this writing they've gone through over twenty works of absolute dreck, usually alternating between a big, professional title and a shorter, self-published piece of outsider-art. What books have they tackled? Have a big list: Ready Player One Armada The Eye of Argon Tekwar The Forensic Certified Public Accountant and the Cremated 64-SQUARES Financial Statements Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff The Mister Trucking Through Time Lair of the White Worm Shadow Moon Moon People Digital Fortress My Immortal Midnight Sun Ready Player Two The Quilters Push Back Modelland Irene Iddesleigh Antigua: The Land of Fairies, Wizards and Heroes Gump & Co. Super Constitution Murder in Christmas River Edison’s Conquest of Mars What's the worst thing they've read? Oof, that's a tough one. I think it might still be Bob Honey, by famed Hollywood actor Sean Penn. It's just so bitter and thinks it's so much more clever and profound than it actually is. What are they reading now? Artemis, by the guy who wrote NYT best-seller, The Maritan. It stinks! This subsection will NOT be updated btw. Why did they ever think people would read along with them? Because Mike is an old man and doesn't realize that podcasts are just friendship simulators for the criminally insane. Where is it? They've got a website you can listen to it on and I assume it's available wherever you get all your other podcasts. When is it out? The podcast is roughly biweekly, usually with longer breaks between books. Why do I feel the need to give them all my money? Because you're a rube. Their Patreon is here: https://www.patreon.com/372pages Mordja fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Jun 2, 2023 |
#
?
Jun 1, 2023 22:16
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 17:03 |
|
|
Just started this recently, up to the Willow book (excuse me, the Thorn book!), good times! I've read about half of these books before (not the Cline stuff, thank god!) and the choices so far have been pretty top notch. Eagerly awaiting catching up to Ready Player Two
|
|
#
?
Jun 1, 2023 22:59
|
|
|
I read every book they cover and have submitted dumb sentences for almost every episode
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2023 00:47
|
|
|
best book they've covered: Eye of Argon - short, paints a sympathetic picture of the author as a nerdy teenager who's really bad at writing, greatest closing sentence in all of english literature worst book they've covered: Shadow Moon - long and dull, sequel to a movie that's not even good (Willow), often feels like a generic fantasy novel that's just had Willow stuff inserted for franchise opportunities
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2023 01:00
|
|
|
Breadallelogram posted:worst book they've covered: Shadow Moon - long and dull, sequel to a movie that's not even good (Willow), often feels like a generic fantasy novel that's just had Willow stuff inserted for franchise opportunities Shadow Moon was wild. Neither Mike nor Sean are big Willow fans (the only Willow fan being Crow) but even they point out just how... nothing the book has to do with the movie aside from the prologue. I remember trying to read it as a kid and kept thinking that everybody from the flick was dead was some kind of weird swerve.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2023 02:23
|
|
|
Shadow Moon did give us the whole insane floor thing.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2023 02:46
|
|
|
Best book was The Forensic Certified Public Accountant and the Cremated 64-SQUARES Financial Statements, worst book was probably Digital Fortress just because the episodes kind of bored me. It's one of the more enjoyable podcasts out there but I also keep wondering why I still subscribe to the patreon because they don't do a ton on there, but whenever I think that they drop something that keeps me coming back because podcasts are indeed about imagined friendships.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2023 15:39
|
|
|
I've never seen nor read The Martian. Are either incarnations as insufferable as Artemis is?
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2023 22:19
|
|
|
Mordja posted:I've never seen nor read The Martian. Are either incarnations as insufferable as Artemis is? I really liked the movie. There are times where the dialogue is a little insufferable and it feels like maybe this is from an annoying book, but it's a really fun movie.
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2023 22:36
|
|
|
I've seen the RP1 movie and thought it was bad but this podcast really illuminates how much worse the book is. Cline's style of writing and plotlines are beyond childish. RP2 somehow lowers the bar even more. No wonder there's no movie. Dude is pop culture poisoned.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 01:01
|
|
|
Sourdough Sam posted:I've seen the RP1 movie and thought it was bad but this podcast really illuminates how much worse the book is. Cline's style of writing and plotlines are beyond childish. RP2 somehow lowers the bar even more. No wonder there's no movie. Dude is pop culture poisoned. There is a movie in the works.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 01:50
|
|
|
Sourdough Sam posted:I've seen the RP1 movie and thought it was bad but this podcast really illuminates how much worse the book is. Cline's style of writing and plotlines are beyond childish. RP2 somehow lowers the bar even more. No wonder there's no movie. Dude is pop culture poisoned. Yeah, it is amazing that the pages of just '80's references list' made it into an actual published novel to be read by human beings. I still love how irritated Mike gets when Cline's writing how Wade says "our conversations were very witty and interesting" in a very tragic case of telling and not showing.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 06:47
|
|
|
I liked conquest of mads as a historical curiosity that pointed to the future beliefs of different cults. Everything having vibrations, aliens making the pyramids, a lost race of space aryans, and more!
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 11:16
|
|
|
Dawgstar posted:Yeah, it is amazing that the pages of just '80's references list' made it into an actual published novel to be read by human beings. I still love how irritated Mike gets when Cline's writing how Wade says "our conversations were very witty and interesting" in a very tragic case of telling and not showing. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 17:26
|
|
|
RandomPauI posted:I liked conquest of mads as a historical curiosity that pointed to the future beliefs of different cults. Everything having vibrations, aliens making the pyramids, a lost race of space aryans, and more! Conquest of Mars is what made me download though I'm not there yet (still in Willow sequel-verse, another book I read as a kid and realized it was terrible), the book is serialized newspaper weirdness but has all this stuff is pioneered that a century of literature owes a debt to
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 21:50
|
|
|
I've never seen Willow, but I did read the novelization a bunch as a kid and liked that a bunch. It was not written by Claremont.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2023 21:53
|
|
|
Always skip the "comedy" sketches they do. They're almost never funny and the minutes of build-up about how they got them off the dark web are excruciating.
|
|
#
?
Jun 5, 2023 04:48
|
|
|
Vincent Van Goatse posted:Always skip the "comedy" sketches they do. They're almost never funny and the minutes of build-up about how they got them off the dark web are excruciating. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 5, 2023 05:08
|
|
|
I come and go with this pod, sometimes the books are just fukken boring. But hot drat is Artemis a return to form for them.
|
|
#
?
Jun 5, 2023 05:17
|
|
|
jeeves posted:I come and go with this pod, sometimes the books are just fukken boring. There's definitely a challenge to the book selection since they want a variety and it's a lot harder hard to scope out if a book is boring bad or crazy bad than it is for a movie. I'd say they're batting about .750 in their selections.
|
|
#
?
Jun 5, 2023 14:13
|
|
|
It does seem like Artemis is them getting back to form, which makes sense since it is so close to Ernest Cline in style. I recall reading a bit of The Martian and while it was clearly written by someone knowledgeable who did their research, it was also just as insufferable as this book. The worst episodes for me, I think, were Moon People. I barely recall anything of that one except the Halloween launch day making people superstitious. Has anyone actually read along? I finally read Eye of Argon since they were covering it, but nothing else (although I did read Dracula after they did LotWW). (...said the robot pimp disdainfully.)
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2023 17:25
|
|
|
They lose me every time they do a cozy murder mystery, but they got me back on board with “There’s no age of consent laws on the moon.”Kangra posted:
I tried to read Armada so i could submit some Real or Fanfics, but I gave up pretty much instantly.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2023 00:44
|
|
|
Old Kentucky Shark posted:I tried to read Armada so i could submit some Real or Fanfics, but I gave up pretty much instantly. Man, Armada was so bad. It boils down 'Remember the 80's' to 'Remember The Last Starfighter?'
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2023 02:51
|
|
|
I read Tekwar (and several sequels) and Shadow Moon when I was a kid, Eye of Argon and Edison Conquers Mars a few years ago, and My Immortal at some point. I've seen snippits of Cline's work and ended up blocking the author on twitter who unsurprisingly namesearches. Haven't read the others though weirdly curious about the 64 Squares series because lol. In the last Shadow Moon episode today and realized I'll soon hit the point when covid hits like I've done on three other podcasts this past year I was catching up on now that I can listen to them at work more.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2023 22:36
|
|
|
The Eye of Argon episodes were great. It's truly the Manos of fantasy literature.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2023 00:27
|
|
|
Tars Tarkas posted:I read Tekwar (and several sequels) and Shadow Moon when I was a kid, Eye of Argon and Edison Conquers Mars a few years ago, and My Immortal at some point. I've seen snippits of Cline's work and ended up blocking the author on twitter who unsurprisingly namesearches. Haven't read the others though weirdly curious about the 64 Squares series because lol. In the last Shadow Moon episode today and realized I'll soon hit the point when covid hits like I've done on three other podcasts this past year I was catching up on now that I can listen to them at work more. Well the kids have to learn about TekWar sooner or later.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2023 01:39
|
|
|
While 64 Squares was my favorite book my absolute favorite episode is the first Super Constitution episode where it's all about sex and nymphos and joining the Air Force and they were just completely taken off guard. Especially because Mike is such a prude.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2023 03:45
|
|
|
Great podcast. For the Patreon subscribers, how was the Forest Gump watch along?
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2023 05:27
|
|
|
Dawgstar posted:Well the kids have to learn about TekWar sooner or later. I still hope they do more Tekwar books one of these days.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2023 16:26
|
|
|
Another The Martian questions: did it have anything similar to Artemis's incessant "HEY DID YOU KNOW THE MOON HAS LESS GRAVITY?!" refrain?
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2023 06:04
|
|
|
No, but it does have a lot of “hey here is a bunch of science you guys like science right?” segments. I’m still in camp “Artemis was ghost written by you know who,” as his third book Project Hail Mary is way more like the Martian than this poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2023 06:24
|
|
|
Old Kentucky Shark posted:I tried to read Armada so i could submit some Real or Fanfics, but I gave up pretty much instantly. I also tried to do that, made it like 50 pages in and drove the book back to the library in a loving blizzard just to be rid of it, it was that insufferable. Submitted a Fanfic of Real entry anyway and Mike said I nailed Cline's lovely tone of voice perfectly.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2023 07:21
|
|
|
jeeves posted:No, but it does have a lot of “hey here is a bunch of science you guys like science right?” segments. If the story is true that he recommended his co-worker read Ready Player One instead of his own book he probably just really admired Cline and wanted to closer emulate his humor.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2023 17:14
|
|
|
I think the funniest thing about Artemis is when Weir just doesn't bother thinking through the most basic of facts, like how little money is at stake or the "floating" wrench or whatever that gets dropped. Especially considering his stuff is all, "gently caress Yeah Science!"
|
|
#
?
Jun 21, 2023 16:41
|
|
|
Going back and listening to Super Constitution due to them constantly referencing it and... wow.
|
|
#
?
Jun 21, 2023 20:07
|
|
|
jeeves posted:Going back and listening to Super Constitution due to them constantly referencing it and... wow. The first episode of Super Constitution came out the day I got COVID. I listened to like an hour of it and thought "This is the most insane book they've ever read" and then passed out. A week or so later something sparked in my brain and I remembered the new episode had come out, and that I listened to some of it. I just remember thinking "Wait wasn't there a bunch of nympho content???" and not being sure if I had regained my grip on reality.
|
|
#
?
Jun 21, 2023 21:04
|
|
|
Think I just found their next book... https://twitter.com/misterbloat/status/1672967411136442371
|
|
#
?
Jun 29, 2023 18:11
|
|
|
That won an award? A real one and not the book equivalent of a Razzie? I've never been prouder of being illiterate.
|
|
#
?
Jun 29, 2023 19:03
|
|
|
I am sad to report at the end of Artemis Chekov's condom did not pay off. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 29, 2023 19:07
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 17:03 |
|
|
Bedurndurn posted:That won an award? A real one and not the book equivalent of a Razzie? It sounds like it's a very late-career "we didn't recognize your earlier works BUT..." win, from what I recall.
|
|
#
?
Jun 29, 2023 19:19
|
|
