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jojoinnit posted:Fast-Talking Computer Hacker Just Has To Break Through Encryption Shield Before Uploading Nano-Virus I hate how the first thing I noticed about the picture is that the game UPLINK is on one of the monitors.
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Apr 25, 2013 19:06
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Roobanguy posted:I hate how the first thing I noticed about the picture is that the game UPLINK is on one of the monitors. Didn't see that, that's really clever.  I love literally unbelievable.
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Apr 25, 2013 20:13
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My favorite Onion articles are always the ones I identify with the most. 11 AM lunch crew represent. Man Says 'gently caress It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M. This has been my office communicator's status message for months now: Guys With Boring Jobs Really Hitting It Off A Few Rows Back On Airplane
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Apr 25, 2013 20:21
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Obama Orders Reinvasion Of Iraq After Illuminating Trip Through Bush Presidential Library
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Apr 25, 2013 23:59
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ultrafilter posted:Give it time. Duck noooo! 
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Apr 26, 2013 06:05
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Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan Have there been any other American Voices that feature someone other than one of their regular photos?
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Apr 26, 2013 08:19
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Dr Christmas posted:Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan It happens on occasion, yeah. I think there was one with John Edwards.
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Apr 26, 2013 08:36
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Dr Christmas posted:Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan Only their best one.
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Apr 26, 2013 11:47
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Dr Christmas posted:Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan One with a twelve-year-old girl wondering how many once-in-a-lifetime storms she's already lived through, but is the best one.
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Apr 26, 2013 14:28
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I don't even follow sports or anything but this is absolutely slaying me.
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Apr 26, 2013 15:30
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So I was just reading this article titled "George W. Bush is smarter than you", and it reminded me of this Onion classic: Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works
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Apr 26, 2013 15:48
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Report: Come On, Carl, Pull It Together Yes, Carl Mendel Of Dayton, Ohio, We Are Talking To You 
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Apr 26, 2013 16:32
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DaveWoo posted:So I was just reading this article titled "George W. Bush is smarter than you", and it reminded me of this Onion classic: Bush Finds Error In Fermilab Calculations - http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-finds-error-in-fermilab-calculations,1463/ I don't know if this was a whole series or if they just did those two but they're fantastic.
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Apr 26, 2013 18:04
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Supreme Allah posted:I don't know if this was a whole series or if they just did those two but they're fantastic. Bush Tumbles Wildly Down Washington Monument Staircase Crocodile Bites Off Bush's Arm Bush Passes Three-Pound Kidney Stone Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Motorcade For 26 Blocks Single-Engine Cessna Crashes Into Bush Spider Eggs Hatch In Bush's Brain and finally... Bush Dies Peacefully In His Sleep That one may have the best final line they've ever done.
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Apr 26, 2013 18:49
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First time I've seen a spelling error from The Onion. quote:and then penetraed the wall of the White House Blue Room
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Apr 26, 2013 19:09
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Athlete Arrested
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Apr 27, 2013 12:47
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At some point The Onion added a police blotter.quote:Feb. 18—After a brief foot chase, police lost track of the suspect in a West Side home burglary, but since they were on that side of town anyway, figured they might as well shoot the rooster everyone over there keeps complaining about.
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Apr 27, 2013 18:35
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ultrafilter posted:At some point The Onion added a police blotter. quote:Oct. 26—Police spent 40 minutes speeding in circles around Centerville Junior High with their sirens blaring after receiving a call from a seventh-grade science teacher struggling to explain the Doppler effect to students.
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Apr 28, 2013 02:34
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All on Black posted:"Swiftboat". Obvious, and yet somehow brilliant. I thought the exact same thing.
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Apr 29, 2013 20:19
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Another good one from the Facebook page:quote:‘Now, I'm Not Homophobic,’ Begins Soon-To-Be-Suspended Sports Analyst
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Apr 30, 2013 01:09
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/74-normal-photos-and-2-kinda-weird-ones,32244/ This one is fun just because of how literal the name/content is.
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Apr 30, 2013 01:12
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muscles like this? posted:http://www.theonion.com/articles/74-normal-photos-and-2-kinda-weird-ones,32244/ And of course, #21.
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Apr 30, 2013 01:44
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Gigli Focus Groups Demand New Ending In Which Both Affleck And Lopez Die Ten years later, it's still funny.
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Apr 30, 2013 02:23
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Dzhokar Tsarnaev Finally Moves Off Campus
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Apr 30, 2013 04:22
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Echo Chamber posted:Gigli Focus Groups Demand New Ending In Which Both Affleck And Lopez Die I'm not sure why, but "Hammer party" made me absolutely lose it.
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Apr 30, 2013 07:33
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Echo Chamber posted:Gigli Focus Groups Demand New Ending In Which Both Affleck And Lopez Die Oh my God. Thank you so much for sharing this. The phrase "hammer party" is just too loving much. This might actually be my new favorite Onion piece. fake edit: I love all of The Onion's sports stuff, but Dolphins WR Mike Wallace Comes Out As Stupid rear end in a top hat especially hit the mark.
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Apr 30, 2013 07:55
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Unless that term's older, sounds like someone was a Big Black fan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hammer_Party
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Apr 30, 2013 15:55
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This is old as poo poo but it's my all time favorite quick onion headline: http://www.theonion.com/articles/first-place-cops-looked-was-inside-atat,8724/
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Apr 30, 2013 16:27
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Simple headline: Bangladesh Garment Factory Hiring
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Apr 30, 2013 21:28
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'Help Has To Be On The Way Now,' Thinks Syrian Man Currently Being Gassed As usual the last line is incredible.
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Apr 30, 2013 22:17
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Secretary Of Interior Takes Presidential Oath Of Office 'I Still Can't Believe The President, Vice President, Speaker Of The House, President Pro Tem, Sec. Of State, Sec. Of The Treasury, Sec. Of Defense, And Attorney General Were All In That Hot-Air Balloon,' Says New President Sally Jewell This has got to be the most I've chuckled like a lunatic at an Onion article in, like, a year. God, I love this one.
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Apr 30, 2013 22:37
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Article About One World Trade Center Building Includes Paragraph Explaining 9/11 I thought about this the other day while reading the newspaper about the Boston Marathon bombings. Every article about it included a rundown of what happened. As if our attention span is so short that we forget the major event that relates to the article we're reading. The smartest thing The Onion does is not have user-submitted comments on their articles.
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Apr 30, 2013 22:40
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This just showed up in my facebook feed: SPONSORED: Today’s Ku Klux Klan: Back On Top And Ready For The Future 
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May 1, 2013 19:57
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 Slideshow: 10 Giant Cocks It's exactly what the name implies. I love how they gently caress with your expectation that they'll gently caress with your expectations.
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May 1, 2013 21:36
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The captions are pretty greatquote:Just to clarify, the rest of the slideshow will be like this. You’re definitely going to get six more images of tremendously big, veiny penises here. The next photo is going to be a giant cock, followed by another huge dick, and then another, and so forth.
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May 1, 2013 21:38
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I was really hoping they'd work Alan Alda in somehow.
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May 1, 2013 21:39
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Last Chance posted:This just showed up in my facebook feed: Haha, yes, I love that they're still sticking it to The Atlantic and their stupid "sponsored link" policy. ultrafilter posted:I was really hoping they'd work Alan Alda in somehow. But then they'd have to change the name of the slideshow to "9 Giant Cocks and Alan Alda". Just wouldn't be the same.
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May 1, 2013 21:54
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I'm feelin' pretty good about my dick right now.  For content: UMass Dartmouth Beginning To Regret Offering Course In Applied Domestic Terrorism
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May 1, 2013 21:57
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Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars on the Back of One of Those Trucks For some reason the picture cracks me up. And the last line is, as usual, golden.
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May 2, 2013 19:47
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pkticker posted:Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars on the Back of One of Those Trucks Totally read that in Obamas voice too. Best speech yet.
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May 2, 2013 19:52
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