Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Our friends at Big Soccer haven't given up hope, it's still definitely not his fault. These are all within the past 24 hours.

quote:

I'm starting to change my tune about Altidore's time with Sunderland. After watching his brief appearance today, I have changed the blame from Altidore to the team that he plays for, IMO.

Altidore did his job well today. He came in to hold up the ball and act as a target forward, and did his job as well as you could have asked for. Altidore had absolutely no support up top, and did well given the situation most of the times that the ball was booted to him.

Reading big soccer, I couldn't believe some of the reactions. Some people were actually critiquing his play. Was Altidore supposed to dribble through the whole Manchester City defense with no help? Sunderland parked the bus, so Altidore had no help.

The reason that my tune has changed is I have realized the job that he has had to do. For instance today, he didn't have one attacking chance or wasn't in one threatening attacking position. I don't believe Altidore has had more than four or five quality attacking chances this year, and strikers don't finish every chance they get.

Altidore has probably had as many quality attacking chances this year with Sunderland as he had with AZ Alkmaar during a typical game. Strikers need to score goals in the league, but when you don't get attacking chances, you can't score goals. It doesn't matter if Messi or Ronaldo played for Sunderland, 5 attacking chances is 5 attacking chances. No one can score 10 goals with 5 chances. Jozy can't be blamed for not scoring goals when he doesn't get attacking chances.

quote:

I'd be curious how someone like Van Persie would do on this team. I'd wager he'd have a tough time breaking 10.

quote:

He hasn't threatened the goal because he doesn't get chances. Strikers that can't create on their own can't score ten goals with 5 chances. He is a striker that needs service to score goals, and he hasn't gotten that necessary service. How many good chances has he gotten this season? It can't be more than four or five. Tons of strikers miss four or five good chances in a row. For most strikers, thats called a bad game. Unfortunately for Altidore, thats a bad three months with Sunderland. He doesn't get proper service.

quote:

Whoever is defending Sunderland and accusing Jozy of not doing enough, you do realize Sunderland is the worst team in the Prem right? Hell, they might even be terrible in the Championship. Put Jozy on a team that plays actual football like Arsenal, Liverpool, Swansea, or even SoTo and he would be bagging goals.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:07

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 15:22

Healbot: Jul 7, 2006; very very very fucjable
very vywr very

Still a while to go until he somehow manages to stumble three balls into the net imo.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:11

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Did somebody, somewhere use the abbreviations 'SoTo' for Southampton?

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:24

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Pissflaps posted:

Did somebody, somewhere use the abbreviations 'SoTo' for Southampton?

They did.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:27

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

That's outrageous. I'm upset about that.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:33

Redundant: Sep 24, 2011; Even robots have feelings!

Scoring a goal doesn't happen by chance, to get on the end of these chances Jozy needs to chance his arm so we can hear some Jozy chants, although personally I don't think he has a chance in hell of converting any chances.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:39

Babby Thatcher: May 3, 2004; concept by my buddy kyle

I'm stoked to watch SoTo in the Barclay's this season. Hope they sign Landycakes in January

# ? Nov 13, 2013 00:46

Ho Chi Meeeeee: Jun 13, 2008; let me shovel out your brains
hang my image in your skull
so I can be the vision
in your nightmares from now on

Babby Thatcher posted:

I'm stoked to watch SoTo in the Barclay's this season. Hope they sign Landycakes in January

Agreed OP maybe he'll prove himself in Europe finally.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 01:06

Parity warning: Nov 1, 2009; 3rd Place, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Healbot posted:

Still a while to go until he somehow manages to stumble three balls into the net imo.

My private prediction (couldn't handle the pressure itt) was that Jozy would clumsily bundle in a total of two goals, which seemed pretty reasonable at the time. The Joz just continues to amaze.

# ? Nov 13, 2013 01:08

80085: Mar 19, 2001; Dos a cero!

Have we really resorted to reading BigSoccer to find Jozy apologists?

# ? Nov 13, 2013 01:23

chuggo is BACK: Jul 1, 2008; "Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

Hell, even SoTo

# ? Nov 13, 2013 01:31

Ponce de Le0n: Jul 6, 2008; Father jailed for beating 3 kids after they wouldn't say who farted in his car

SoTo as an abbreviation is absolutely ridiculous

Southamp Ton

# ? Nov 13, 2013 01:36

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

Makes as much sense as Soton ie none, im not defending it btw that person should be killed by a predator drone

# ? Nov 13, 2013 01:36

jack3485: Aug 14, 2007

If Clint Dempsey joins a premiership side on loan during the January transfer window and stays for six weeks, what are the chances he finishes the 2013-14 Barclay's season with more goals than Jozy?

# ? Nov 15, 2013 04:00

porkface: Dec 29, 2000

He's already tied with Jozer.

# ? Nov 15, 2013 04:29

El Jebus: Jun 18, 2008; This avatar is paid for by "Avatars for improving Lowtax's spine by any means that doesn't result in him becoming brain dead by putting his brain into a cyborg body and/or putting him in a exosuit due to fears of the suit being hacked and crushing him during a cyberpunk future timeline" Foundation

jack3485 posted:

If Clint Dempsey joins a premiership side on loan during the January transfer window and stays for six weeks, what are the chances he finishes the 2013-14 Barclay's season with more goals than Jozy?

0%. He will finish with the same amount of goals as Jozy, 9. That is right. I think he is certifiably not good. However, I think he will score 9 goals. They will both score 9 goals. Right? :cripes:

# ? Nov 15, 2013 05:05

Reek: Nov 3, 2002; every.fucking.year.

Josmer going to score all the goals against Scotland tomorrow

# ? Nov 15, 2013 06:30

80085: Mar 19, 2001; Dos a cero!

Dempsey scored 1 goal in like 700 minutes in the MLS this season. I'm pretty sure even Jozy could've mustered up 2.

# ? Nov 15, 2013 12:46

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Another worthless performance from j dog.

# ? Nov 16, 2013 00:26

Shrapnig: Jan 21, 2005

Pissflaps posted:

Another worthless performance from j dog.

Agreed. If he can't score against Scotland how can he score in the Barclays?

# ? Nov 16, 2013 00:27

Chris de Sperg: Aug 14, 2009

I bet Kris Boyd could out-score Jozy

# ? Nov 16, 2013 00:29

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

Chris de Sperg posted:

I bet Kris Boyd could out-score Jozy

Kris Boyd has never scored a Premier League goal, whereas Jozy has scored 1 Premier League goal.

# ? Nov 16, 2013 00:52

Modus Trollens: Sep 12, 2010

the sex ghost posted:

Kris Boyd has never scored a Premier League goal, whereas Jozy has scored 1 Premier League goal.

by scoring less than Jozy, has he out Jozy'd Jozy?

# ? Nov 16, 2013 00:57

Fat Lowtax: Nov 9, 2008; "I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"

"Fair is foul and foul is fair" - Jozy Altidore, 2013

# ? Nov 18, 2013 05:35

Ponce de Le0n: Jul 6, 2008; Father jailed for beating 3 kids after they wouldn't say who farted in his car

the sex ghost posted:

Kris Boyd has never scored a Premier League goal, whereas Jozy has scored 1 Premier League goal.

jozy altidore, better than bosko balaban. A prestigious club to be in.

# ? Nov 18, 2013 05:40

Charlotte Hornets: Dec 30, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Jozy will come strong in the next calendar year!

# ? Nov 18, 2013 12:32

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747

Charlotte Hornets posted:

Jozy will come strong in the next calendar year!

Is that when he gets sold back to AZ?

# ? Nov 18, 2013 13:09

80085: Mar 19, 2001; Dos a cero!

AZ doesn't want Jozy, they already have a better American striker there.

# ? Nov 18, 2013 13:27

Thrifting Day!: Nov 25, 2006

Jozy will go to the Scottish Premiership and score 17 goals

# ? Nov 18, 2013 15:51

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747

I heard Seattle bought a forward who turned out to be really bad, maybe Jozy can go and rescue them?

# ? Nov 18, 2013 16:20

Thirteenth Step: Mar 3, 2004

Byolante posted:

I heard Seattle bought a forward who turned out to be really bad, maybe Jozy can go and rescue them?

Replacing a bad striker w/ jozy

seems like a step back to me

# ? Nov 18, 2013 18:34

actionjackson: Jan 12, 2003

https://soundcloud.com/guardianfootballweekly/football-weekly-france-ukraine

32:58-33:22 lmao

# ? Nov 18, 2013 21:53

Your Weird Uncle: Jan 16, 2006; Boneless Rusto Thrash.

Byolante posted:

I heard Seattle bought a forward who turned out to be really bad, maybe Jozy can go and rescue them?

more like clint dumpsey

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:44

80085: Mar 19, 2001; Dos a cero!

Seattles out of money now lol

# ? Nov 19, 2013 01:54

jesus WEP: Oct 17, 2004

80085 posted:

Seattles out of money now lol

Sunderland will probably pay them to take Josmer

# ? Nov 19, 2013 10:07

Barry Shitpeas: Dec 17, 2003; there is no need
to be upset

Winner POTM July 2013

actionjackson posted:

https://soundcloud.com/guardianfootballweekly/football-weekly-france-ukraine

32:58-33:22 lmao

That's a bit unfair on Steven Fletcher, who has already scored two more goals than Jozy this season

# ? Nov 19, 2013 11:03

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

Jozy just needs more time, and world class players around him, and to be playing for a different team, in a different league, and then he'll come good. you'll see

# ? Nov 19, 2013 11:07

Hegay: Jun 29, 2012

the sex ghost posted:

Jozy just needs more time, and world class players around him, and to be playing for a different team, in a different league, and then he'll come good. you'll see

Just need to be a possession based team. Villarreal doesn't count.

# ? Nov 19, 2013 11:09

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

Has anyone considered moving Jozy to centre back? It worked wonders for Chris Samba's career

# ? Nov 19, 2013 11:10

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 15:22

TheBigAristotle: Feb 8, 2007; I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.; Grimey Drawer

Yeah! Jozy could be on 200k/week in no time!

# ? Nov 19, 2013 18:05

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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