PYF The Onion story

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Miles Vorkosigan: Mar 21, 2007; The stuff that dreams are made of.

This article is absolutely amazing

Grisly Remains Of 15 Hobbits Discovered In Peter Jackson�s Attic

# ? Dec 5, 2013 23:48

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 17:56

CirtexHosting: Jan 2, 2007

http://www.theonion.com/articles/red-lobster-welcomes-back-defrosted-shrimp-days,34736/

# ? Dec 6, 2013 00:49

Castomira: Feb 24, 2011; Fuck you Eva Marie, if you have to be right there next to all of my posts you don't even get to have red hair. You're a dryad now.

Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA

You can actually visit the domain mentioned in the article, and it adds to the hilarity.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 12:28

Arist: Feb 13, 2012; _{who, me?}

Holy poo poo, it's a modified X-Files fansite, complete with dead links and missing pictures.

# ? Dec 6, 2013 19:08

dead in real life: Jun 17, 2012

Every Parent�s Worst Nightmare Is Losing A Child To Gorchul, The Dark Sorcerer Of Time

# ? Dec 8, 2013 13:30

William Bear: Oct 26, 2012; "That's what they all say!"

If you haven't bought the Onion Bbook of Known Knowledge, you need to. In particular, every entry in the section between V and W for the fictional letter is hilarious. It looks like the left half of a U and the right half of a V.

My favorite: (I replaced the fictional letter with a U)

quote:

Ueffenating, popular youth fad from the 1970s wherein partygoing teenagers would spill scalding hot coffee on their genitals. The fad led to cultural artifacts such as the magazine Ueffenating Monthly and the popular chart-topping radio single "Ueffenatin' (Feel the Burn)" by KC and the Sunshine band.

# ? Dec 9, 2013 21:42

Dr. Arbitrary: Mar 15, 2006; Bleak Gremlin

William Bear posted:

If you haven't bought the Onion Bbook of Known Knowledge, you need to. In particular, every entry in the section between V and W for the fictional letter is hilarious. It looks like the left half of a U and the right half of a V.

My favorite: (I replaced the fictional letter with a U)

http://books.google.com/books?id=lCpzgOD0A6oC&lpg=PA209&ots=tsaxC85_Zd&dq=Ueffenating&pg=PA209#v=onepage&q&f=false

I think I do need to get this book. I like Ugonicus, the Greek god of miscellany.

# ? Dec 9, 2013 21:58

Davros1: Jul 19, 2007; You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

William Bear posted:

If you haven't bought the Onion Bbook of Known Knowledge, you need to. In particular, every entry in the section between V and W for the fictional letter is hilarious. It looks like the left half of a U and the right half of a V.

My favorite: (I replaced the fictional letter with a U)

My favorite was the entry for "Frankenstein"

Frankenstein: You probably mean Frankenstein's Monster
Frankenstein's Monster: There you go, dipshit.

# ? Dec 10, 2013 00:09

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Alarming New Adult Trend �Plateauing In Your Career And Relationship� Sweeps Nation

:smith:

# ? Dec 10, 2013 03:46

Lysidas: Jul 26, 2002; John Diefenbaker is a madman who thinks he's John Diefenbaker.; Pillbug

The Onion�s 2013 Holiday Gift Guide

# ? Dec 12, 2013 18:31

MariusLecter: Sep 5, 2009; NI MUERTE NI MIEDO

Teen Avoids Prison Because He's Wealthy

quote:

A psychologist called as an expert defense witness said the boy suffered from "affluenza"

# ? Dec 12, 2013 21:06

Robert Denby: Sep 9, 2007; Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, huh? Nah, get fucked mate.

Hip Hop Man Enjoys Making Musical Rapping Sounds

# ? Dec 12, 2013 22:43

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

MariusLecter posted:

Teen Avoids Prison Because He's Wealthy

Oh. That's real :smith:

# ? Dec 13, 2013 00:33

MRC48B: Apr 2, 2012

MariusLecter posted:

Teen Avoids Prison Because He's Wealthy

I read that entire article, laughed, closed the tab, then realized that it didn't have an Onion header at the top. :negative:

# ? Dec 13, 2013 00:47

Ringo Star Get: Sep 18, 2006; JUST FUCKING TAKE OFF ALREADY, SHIT

Holy poo poo, I didn't click the link because I was heading out, then saw it pop up for real on my news page. You have got to be kidding me that the kid got away with it because of being wealthy.

# ? Dec 13, 2013 05:14

Gynocentric Regime: Jun 9, 2010; by Cyrano4747

Ringo Star Get posted:

Holy poo poo, I didn't click the link because I was heading out, then saw it pop up for real on my news page. You have got to be kidding me that the kid got away with it because of being wealthy.

The judges reasoning was that since his parents never taught him responsibility, we can't start now.

# ? Dec 13, 2013 05:41

Mescal: Jul 23, 2005

Internet Tribunal Sentences Teen
_{Actual trial also happened; witnesses allege existence of "more information about case"}

# ? Dec 13, 2013 06:08

Say Nothing: Mar 5, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

The Onion Future news from 2137 is still my favorite Onion 'thing'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC21wDarBo

# ? Dec 13, 2013 07:31

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

I think my favorite is still "Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLMww8V4IUU)

# ? Dec 13, 2013 08:02

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

ultrafilter posted:

I think my favorite is still "Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLMww8V4IUU)

It's obvious how much I love this video.

# ? Dec 13, 2013 08:06

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Thousands Of Americans To Notice First Signs Of Dementia While Visiting Parents Over Holiday

# ? Dec 13, 2013 18:52

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Somebody probably had a lot of fun in the Holiday Gift Guide making up fake Clint Eastwood movie titles.

quote:

Other titles in set include: The Ranch Hand, The Rider With No Name, Quick-Draw Johnny, Deadman Flats, Prickly Creek, Spurs And Saddle, The Horse Rider, Western Riders, Go West Young Rider, Shoot �Er Here, Shoot �Er There, The Horse Shooter, The Dust Shooter, The Cowboy Shooter, Tumbleweed, The Six-Gun Man, The Six-Gun Man Rides Again, The Six-Gun Man Returns: Day Of Reckoning, The Man From El Paso, The Man From Dodge, The Man From Sioux City, The Man From Tombstone, The Man From El Dorado, Wanted Gun Man, Texarkana!, Ghost Town 2, Pistolslinger, The Solo Ranger, Hell Canyon In-Laws, Saddle Pals, Dakota Rifle, Barn, Gun The Woman Down, Wild Wet West, The Secret Of Rifle Ridge, The Guns Of Fort Gunnington, Mr. Sheriff, Gun For Loan, Once Upon A Gun, Outlaw's Second Cousin, Cowbert, Dial �W� For Western, Butch Cassidy Meets The Wolf Man, The Lonesome Inn Keep, Horse-Riding Stranger, Really Bad Day At Black Rock, Ambush At Hell's Crossroads, The Hootenanny Massacre, The Big Cowboy, Blood Canyon, Pistol-Using Gentlemen, A Minute To Pray, A Second To Die For Mankind�s Sins, Return Of The Stranger, Are You There God? It�s Me, The Gunfighter, Shallow Grave, A Payment In Dust, Billy The Cripple Kid, Blood For A Sand Dollar, Beautiful Gunset, Ride Into The Wind, Skedaddle!, The Gentle Cattleman, The Gentle Cattleman Fights Back, The Gentle Cattleman�s Son, Howdy, Gunfire At Christmas Canyon, Christmas At Hell's Ridge, Birthday Cowboy, Dead Horse Oxbow Desperado Gulch Canyon, There�s A New Cheryl In Town, Aw Shucks, and Horsey!

# ? Dec 13, 2013 20:51

mystes: May 31, 2006

ultrafilter posted:

Thousands Of Americans To Notice First Signs Of Dementia While Visiting Parents Over Holiday

I like when the Onion simultaneously describes reality perfectly and messes with the heads of its readers.

mystes has a new favorite as of 00:43 on Dec 14, 2013

# ? Dec 14, 2013 00:41

R. Mute: Jul 27, 2011

Mescal posted:

Internet Tribunal Sentences Teen
_{Actual trial also happened; witnesses allege existence of "more information about case"}

Boring piece of poo poo has no opinions about anything
_{Claims he's 'waiting for more information' out of fear his internet judgement would be unfair to killer of four.}

# ? Dec 14, 2013 03:29

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

R. Mute posted:

Boring piece of poo poo has no opinions about anything
_{Claims he's 'waiting for more information' out of fear his internet judgement would be unfair to killer of four.}

Actually, finding out more about the case just makes the douchebag kid look worse. Like how he got drunk, him and his friends stole the beer from a convenience store.

# ? Dec 14, 2013 03:39

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

muscles like this? posted:

Somebody probably had a lot of fun in the Holiday Gift Guide making up fake Clint Eastwood movie titles.

"Wild Wet West" :getin:

# ? Dec 14, 2013 04:10

The Archaic: Jul 6, 2003; Are you a consultant archaeologist in North America?

Unionize today!

PM me and ask me how your future can be history!

muscles like this? posted:

Somebody probably had a lot of fun in the Holiday Gift Guide making up fake Clint Eastwood movie titles.

These had me in tears laughing. They just get progressively funnier.

# ? Dec 14, 2013 05:33

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

I think my favorite is "Beautiful Gunset." Although the escalating sequel ones are funny too.

# ? Dec 14, 2013 05:39

Inspector Zenigata: Jul 19, 2010

---

Inspector Zenigata has a new favorite as of 22:59 on Apr 2, 2014

# ? Dec 14, 2013 05:41

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Inspector Zenigata posted:

Christ, I should call my mom. I don't talk to her enough. A bizarre form of super early onset Alzheimer's runs in her family, and she's getting really close to the age her mother was when she started going downhill fast.

My dad is starting to get forgetful and he's only like 60, it freaks me out :cry:

Hopefully it's just cause he has a lot of poo poo at work or whatever.

# ? Dec 14, 2013 05:56

Zugzwang: Jan 2, 2005; You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.; Ramrod XTreme

ultrafilter posted:

I think my favorite is still "Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLMww8V4IUU)

This really does have to be one of the best things they've ever done. I especially like "the screaming, the screaming" and "opposite of doctor."

On a lighter note, picture + headline only: Mall Santa Crying Hysterically In Photo With Toddler

# ? Dec 14, 2013 19:26

Jet Jaguar: Feb 12, 2006; Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr Customs Man.

Scientists Believe Hockey Players May Communicate By Banging Sticks Against Boards

Once again, last line is the best.

# ? Dec 14, 2013 20:35

clockworx: Oct 15, 2005; The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Zugzwang posted:

This really does have to be one of the best things they've ever done. I especially like "the screaming, the screaming" and "opposite of doctor."

"Tensile strength of dog skin"
:gonk:

# ? Dec 14, 2013 21:14

The Commonwealth: Jun 6, 2008; I could have been someone. Well, so could anyone.

ultrafilter posted:

Thousands Of Americans To Notice First Signs Of Dementia While Visiting Parents Over Holiday

This article could have ruined my christmas, so I am going to post my favorite article as an attempt to inject some levity. dry humping an adequate sex alternative for teens reports the dept of the interior

The Commonwealth has a new favorite as of 22:36 on Dec 14, 2013

# ? Dec 14, 2013 22:32

Phelddagrif: Jan 28, 2009; Before I do anything, I think, well what hasn't been seen. Sometimes, that turns out to be something ghastly and not fit for society. And sometimes that inspiration becomes something that's really worthwhile.