McGiggins posted:

What the gently caress happened to this thread?

I am one week and 300 pages behind. Is there a god-tier summary or am I slogging through the poop?

Madcosby posted:

Lurker Package; For $175 we'll give you a synopsis of the last 100 pages of this thread
Completionist: For $2500 we'll give you a synopsis of the last 100 pages and then promise lifetime insurance (limited) that reveals up to 50 more pages

Omi-Polari posted:

So let's sum up.

CIG shows up at CitizenCon (in Manchester*) with no game to show for themselves, but a bunch of (poorly done) face animations, probably costing untold millions of dollars. Then it turns out the UK animation studio is staffed by a crew, though while having not been convicted of any crimes, used to work for a mafia-run firm that made the Gizmondo. And now Foundry 42 (whatever that is, except that it's tied up with the studio) is taking out loans for some unknown reason, and hasn't filed its financials -- and has in fact delayed filing -- with the UK govt.

Sounds normal.

For the love of Christ get your money out of Star Citizen now

*Yeah they went to Manchester for a reason and the main one wasn't CitizenCon.

D_Smart posted:

That's what we're tracing in what looks like $6m in tax credits from the UK govt. So much for Chris' statements that they have a "healthy cash reserve"

As I've said before, this whole op is a lot worse than anyone realizes. More soon.

Gwaihir posted:

I demand a $15,000 option

Madcosby posted:

We'll produce weekly hour long videos detailing every post in this thread that will be so spergy and full of themselves you'll opt not only for out 15 grand option, but exclusive subsciber access

Every 5th video we will show a person of color (your choice) at the opening of the vid

Video series titled

Around the 'Doobs

peter gabriel posted:

I'm throwing money at your avatar irl

Our avatars look awesome together

McGiggins posted:

What the gently caress happened to this thread?

I am one week and 300 pages behind. Is there a god-tier summary or am I slogging through the poop?

nopantsjack posted:

The Story So Far

The initial drama
Derek Smart is Derek Smart, trolls Star Citizen for a few months.
The Escapist publishes a peice where employees of CIG accuse Chris and Sandy of mismanagement, waste of funds and specifically Sandy of racism and muff-hating.
Chris Roberts posts a big meltdown on the Star Citizen site accusing Escapist of manufacturing sources/beleiving disgruntled employees/being Derek Smart/being Gamergate.
One day later CIG threaten Escapist with a defamation suit against the claims on Sandy (notably no claims to do with the money) unless they apologise and remove the article within 24 hours.
The Escapist says no, and commits to further investigation.

Pre-Citicon:
Derek Smart predicts a ship called the Vindicator will come out and it'll be $175 and a fighter, he does this through Beer who gets banned from the CIG forums for it.
Much shitposting.

Citicon:
After a brief delay and schizophrenic countdown timer, Citicon opens with a tearful speech from Sandy where she appeals to backers to think on the deep social connections they've forged by buying theoretical spaceships together, hypes Star Citizen as the pinnacle of human endeavour. This all sounds like a resignation and she's given going-away flowers, but doesn't leave.
gently caress you, Derek #1: "Anonymous hate campaign" + Look how much Sandy's underlings like her She also drops that she and Chris are married and this has "never been a secret" which is untrue.

Chris waddles on stage and mumbles through his nose and giggles, after showing how many devblog programs they've made the first thing he does is show off how many people he has working for him to disprove allegations of shrinking studio sizes. (gently caress you, Derek #2)
Chris lists the only stuff that is probably coming out soon, and its basically two weapons and buggies and the ability to respawn after you die.

After months of delays Star Marine is quietly scrapped and the development process is reversed and is no longer modular, now they're going to combine all the modules into one alpha to be released at an undisclosed time. gently caress You, Derek #3: "Everyone always yells at me when I give you release dates so I won't anymore."

Chris manages to fail at Powerpoint and can't make the next slide work.
Chris declares the alpha map to be the biggest ever in a game but compares it with Daggerfall and Skyrim rather than Elite, EVE or No Man's Sky which are much larger.

At some point they show off the state of this combined alpha, which is basically the multicrew demo from earlier roughly combined with the Star Marine module, it still looks very choppy and extremely pre-alpha, tellingly in a 4v4 firefight none of the shooting is captured on camera.
From the looks of it its entirely possible to lose whole space systems by not being good enough at FPSes. This is the only "gameplay" shown in the whole presentation, and involves mostly walking and some taking off, travelling and landing in space ships, ostensibly some people shooting assault rifles and then getting back in a ship.

A guy introduces a neat map app thats actually available now in browser and seems to work, making it the most polished game to come out of the kickstarter so far. You can plan your space camping trip routes in a game that won't exist for 2 years maybe never. The guy running the demo nearly dies from stage fright.

Chris talks about a night club called the Million Mile High Club where presumably people will gently caress eachother in space. This will probably also come out in some form, since its just a map people can walk around in, will support up to 25 players lol habbo hotel tech.

Some other guy intros an unpriced super joystick/keyboard/throttle addon that looks like hot dogshit but the guy doing the presentation is the only human that comes on stage for the whole thing. Chris fucks up at the reveal at every opportunity continuing the trend of Chris not being able to do anything.

They intro the Referral program with a video made by the one man who doesn't know how to say referral. The new "refral" program basically encourages faithful Citizens to recruit new players to buy this nonexistant game or buy 25 new accounts to get themselves a gaudy gold ship skin.
Possibly before this they announce a new ship that is totally the Vindicator, but has been renamed the Saber and sliced $5 off the price. (gently caress you, Derek #4)
They also announce a new $2500 military ship pack to go with Squadron42.

Halfway through the event and Chris is now just going to talk about Squadron 42 for the next hour, everyone is super excited to see what they have to show.

They have videos of the motion cap studio they set up themselves and reveal that Gary Oldman is in it and show a trailer showing CG Gary Oldman doing an old man voice with a muppet mouth before bragging about their facial animation in another video. They reveal a bunch of celebrities such as Scully, Luke Skywalker and Gimli are also in it as well as Sandi Gardiner. In brief interviews Gary Oldman looks guarded or despondant and compares Chris to Lucas.

They show us the first Squadron 42 gameplay ever revealed and its one big walking cutscene where they tour the ship and nothing else happens, the voices and perfomances are okay but this... isn't a game and there are bugs everywhere even for this one slice they have made, the first guy you see's hair takes 10 seconds to appear, another guy has a luminous mouth like his soul is trying to escape. All the black characters are carrying luggage or cargo in the background.
The animations range from decent mocap to shockingly rudimentary. Release date is set as 2016 which is laughable for anyone watching.

Chris goes loving mental for like 25 minutes about how many hours of cutscenes the game has and how huge its script is and it becomes chillingly apparent to everyone he's just found a way to reignite his hollywood dreams off the backs of nerds with poor judgement.
He gets an underling to bring him the script and then throws it on the floor to show how huge it is, then turns around and leaves him to pick it up, then realises he's supposed to be pretending to be nice and squawks out an apology and does his weird Hyih Hyih giggle.

Cake Time! CIG make a final bid to fill time and distract people from the fact the game doesn't exist and they showed 10 minutes of gameplay and they just told everyone none of the stuff they've been waiting for is coming out and they're going to have to indefinitly wait for an alpha that currently doesn't exist in any releaseable way.
They have brought a big birthday cake and they try and figure out a way to get the cake on a table from where it is 4 feet to the right to centre stage, which takes an army of techies and employees much hemming and hawing.
A put-upon looking stage assistant lights the candles as Chris giggles and introduces his all male, all white staff. "Happy Birthday, Star Citizen" they sing. The cake has 3 candles on it because its 3 years since the dream of Star Citizen and Star Citizen is just a dream.
Chris tries to blow out the candles and sprays spit all over them with a big ol' raspberry.
Chris makes two tentative cuts to the cake, asking the whole time how you cut cake and apologising like a man who has never seen a cake nor indeed a knife before.
Chris gives up immediately, nobody is getting any cake because he just can't figure this out, he tells the techies to cut the cake but then decides against it and announces the show is over.

I now know why I was put here on this earth, it was to make the longest post about Star Citizen nobody will ever want to read.

Omi-Polari posted:

So let's sum up.

CIG shows up at CitizenCon (in Manchester*) with no game to show for themselves, but a bunch of (poorly done) face animations, probably costing untold millions of dollars. Then it turns out the UK animation studio is staffed by a crew, though while having not been convicted of any crimes, used to work for a mafia-run firm that made the Gizmondo. And now Foundry 42 (whatever that is, except that it's tied up with the studio) is taking out loans for some unknown reason, and hasn't filed its financials -- and has in fact delayed filing -- with the UK govt.

Sounds normal.

For the love of Christ get your money out of Star Citizen now

*Yeah they went to Manchester for a reason and the main one wasn't CitizenCon.

mormonpartyboat posted:

Omi-Polari posted:

So let's sum up.

CIG shows up at CitizenCon (in Manchester*) with no game to show for themselves, but a bunch of (poorly done) face animations, probably costing untold millions of dollars. Then it turns out the UK animation studio is staffed by a crew, though while having not been convicted of any crimes, used to work for a mafia-run firm that made the Gizmondo. And now Foundry 42 (whatever that is, except that it's tied up with the studio) is taking out loans for some unknown reason, and hasn't filed its financials -- and has in fact delayed filing -- with the UK govt.

Sounds normal.

For the love of Christ get your money out of Star Citizen now
*Yeah they went to Manchester for a reason and the main one wasn't CitizenCon.

WebDog posted:

Remember, three years ago you were sold with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlIWJlz6-Eg

Madcosby posted:

why did they go to manchester? i dont get it

Randarkman posted:

It's sad that Star Citizen isn't coupled with doob anymore, though with the rumors and leaks going around Sandi has begun to remind me of Tasha when she went crazy on twitter.

peter gabriel posted:

I grew up here, we're all shady fuckers basically

I don't know really

Madcosby posted:

why did they go to manchester? i dont get it

Omi-Polari posted:

Just a guess. If there's shady business it's all going through Manchester, and if the house of cards is about to collapse then it's their chance to settle things before jumping ship.

Humphrey Vasel posted:

Are you a blue or red this is important

Madcosby posted:

So... let me get this straight

Derek Smart is suggesting that a lot of the money Roberts has raised is being funneled into Manchester and into essentially companies founded by Roberts and close friends to pay off loans from the Swedish mafia from a previously failed venture?

This correct?

Madcosby posted:

So... let me get this straight

Derek Smart is suggesting that a lot of the money Roberts has raised is being funneled into Manchester and into essentially companies founded by Roberts and close friends to pay off loans from the Swedish mafia from a previously failed venture?

This correct?

A Neurotic Jew posted:

yes bitch what's the problem

Madcosby posted:

So... let me get this straight

Derek Smart is suggesting that a lot of the money Roberts has raised is being funneled into Manchester and into essentially companies founded by Roberts and close friends to pay off loans from the Swedish mafia from a previously failed venture?

This correct?

Madcosby posted:

holy poo poo how much of their furniture is from ikea

Young Freud posted:

More like past performance is an indicator of future success (or scamming).

If there's any involvement from the Uppsala Mafia, it's likely just money laundering. Which would explain why there's a whole lot of people throwing around money for $1000 space ships.

spacetoaster posted:

Hey guys, Sandi likes black people now.