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Munin posted:I'm sure quite a few people on this board can't even say that... I'm sure there's also people not on this board having kids who won't see an internet device for years. The spread of internet capable devices is huge and amazing but it isn't total yet.
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Nov 28, 2015 15:13
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Loxbourne posted:My favourites from that era are the curse tablets hurled into holy places, like the Roman springs at Bath. I was literally looking at these in person a couple of hours ago. "to the rear end in a top hat who stole my cloak: may your mind and eyes fail".
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Nov 28, 2015 20:44
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Alkydere posted:So this post isn't entirely bitching about dial-up noise: Some of the earliest computer hackers, known as "Phone Phreakers" at the time, were blind people. If you knew how the dual-tone system worked and had really good pitch (being blind helped with that part but was far from necessary) you could pick up a phone and dial a number by whistling. Or more importantly: send a signal that could let you program the switchboard to do whatever the gently caress you wanted. Of course most Phreakers, even the blind, used multi-frequency tone generators. One of the biggest tools in the Phreakers' arsenal was the Cap'n Crunch bosun whistle: a free plastic whistle packaged in Cap'n Crunch boxes that produced a nearly pure 2600 Hz. tone. The exact same frequency tone used by AT&T switch boards to signal that one end of the line was ready and available to accept a new call: basically disconnecting one end of the call and putting the automated switch board into debug mode so you could do whatever you wanted (like free long ranged calling in a day and age when long ranged calls were kind of expensive). My dad was a Phreaker! He used to bounce calls through France so he could call my Mom at college, 20 miles away. He claims he once "wandered" into the emergency phone line for scrambling jets at a nearby airforce base. There are still some blind folk who can do amazing computer related things - when I volunteered at the local center for the blind, there was a kid who could tell where he was in any windows installation by listening to the hard drive sounds.
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Nov 28, 2015 20:54
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After the assassination of Marcus Tullius Cicero, Mark Anthony presented his severed head to his wife Fulvia who proceeded to stick her hairpin into his tongue as revenge for the trouble it had caused her husband.
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Nov 29, 2015 00:28
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Five famous royal mistresses: Madame de Pompadour (1721-1764) Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson met Louie XV at a costume ball. She was dressed as sheepherder and he was dressed as a tree. He made her Marquise de Pompadour and she practically ran the country while the king was busy hunting and partying. She didn't do a very good job but she did protect writers like Voltaire from being censored. Lola Montez (1821-1861) Born in Ireland Montez had affairs with Lizt and Dumas before becoming the mistress to King Louie I of Bayern. Her liberal influence on the king was on of the reasons why he had to abdicate in 1848. She then moved to America to become an actress. She died in poverty in 1861. Neil Gwynne (1650-1687) Daughter of a brothel madam Gwynne sold oranges and starred in comedies at the Dury-Lane theater before becoming a mistress to Charles II of England. She gave birth to two sons, one died young while the other became the duke of St. Albans. Diane de Poitiers (1499-1566) Became the mistress to Henry II of France when she was 35 and he was 16. She was actually related to Henry's wife Catherine de' Medici and not only made sure that they had sex often in order to produce a royal heir but nursed Catherine back to life when she was ill. After the king's death she was forced to leave the court and lived the rest of her life in obscurity. Dyveke Sigbrittsdatter (1490-1517) The mistress of Christian II of Denmark-Norway. Her mother was the political adviser to the king. When Sigbrittsdatter died the king suspected that she was poisoned and executed his liege man Torben Oxe. Oxe was a popular man amongst the nobles and his execution alienated the king from the nobles and was one of the reasons why he had to abdicate in 1523.
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Dec 2, 2015 20:05
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Alhazred posted:King Louie I of Bayern 
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Dec 2, 2015 20:13
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While I was reading a news article about the drinking problem in Russia, and it started out by mentioning a battle where the night before the Russian army got so pass-out drunk that the enemy won the battle by default-they walked right into the camp and rolled them into the river. Anyone here know what I'm talking about?
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Dec 2, 2015 20:23
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SirPhoebos posted:Anyone here know what I'm talking about? In the 14th century several Russian principalities rose up against their Mongol overlords. They found out that the leader of one the Mongol hordes was on his way with his army, so they assembled an army and waited for the Mongols to arrive. The Mongols took their sweet time however and eventually the Russians (soldiers & commanders) got bored and wandered off into nearby towns to get drunk at the local taverns. The Mongols picked up that there was a Russian army in front of them that wasn't any paying attention, so the Mongols surrounded the Russians and attacked. The Russian army - both taken by surprise and completely drunk, was wiped out. The commander of the Russians - Knyaz Ivan Dmitriyevich drowned while trying to cross the nearby river. Whether because he was attacked while crossing, or because he fell and was too drunk to get up is probably a mystery. According the story, the incident gave the river its name: pyana translates from Russian to intoxicated/drunk. Raygereio has a new favorite as of 21:58 on Dec 2, 2015 |
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Dec 2, 2015 21:53
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Cythereal posted:Shakespeare wrote a "I hosed your mom" joke in one of his plays. It's form Titus Androniocus which is generally considered to be Shakespeare worst play, mostly because of all the extreme violence and depravity depicted in it. There are some theories that it might be meant to be some sort of parody of the revenge plays that were popular at the time. It's pretty rad. DEMETRIUS Villain, what hast thou done? AARON That which thou canst not undo. CHIRON Thou hast undone our mother. AARON Villain, I have done thy mother.  Note that Aaron literally has hosed their mother and they're discussing the birth of a biracial bastard child resulting from that affair, something the sons worry will be bad for their mother's reputation and maybe piss off her husband who happens to be emperor of Rome. The mother also sends the baby to Aaron specifically asking him to please murder it so they can go about their affairs but he refuses, despite basically being satan, and flees Rome with the baby. Then the titular hero of the play murders the empress's sons, who previously raped and mutilated his daughter, bakes them into a pie and tricks their mother into eating it. He also kills honour kills his daughter. Basically everyone dies, the end. FreudianSlippers has a new favorite as of 00:35 on Dec 3, 2015 |
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Dec 2, 2015 22:42
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Raygereio posted:The Slaughter at Pyana river? That's a pretty famous one. To be fair to the Russians they never stood a chance and getting drunk/laid the night before was really the best option.
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Dec 3, 2015 00:02
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Abraham Lincoln sold poison milk to school children
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Dec 3, 2015 01:23
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Hmm, some alcohol-related facts: * When Vladimir the Great decided to find a proper religion for his realm, the Kievan Rus', he sent envoys to all the major religions of his time who were supposed to find out whether they would be a good fit for his people. While the Byzantine liturgy impressed them so much that Vladimir settled for it (well, the liturgy and a host of political reasons), the mission to the Muslims was doomed from the start as Muslims don't drink alcohol, after all. Or, in Vladimir's words: "Drinking is the joy of all Rus'. We cannot exist without that pleasure."  * After the 1918 revolution had broken out in Germany, a train full of revolutionary-minded soldiers was approaching Cologne. The city's mayor (Konrad Adenauer, who would become Germany's first chancellor after WWII thirty years later) failed to have the Imperial Rail Agency stop the train (they had a schedule to follow, after all, revolution or not). Instead he organised a welcoming committee for the soldiers, gave them every reason to enjoy their stay in the city - and ordered 300,000 litres of alcoholic beverages to be poured into the Rhine, so that noone would get drunk and start some poo poo. * In 1964, Congress declared Bourbon to be the official spirit of the US * In 1844, the Bavarian King Louis I ordered beer prices to be jacked up by one penny. The very same day, more than two thousand Munich citizens stormed the local breweries and vandalised them in a fit of rage. The king ordered soldiers to enter the city, but they refused to act against the people. Louis reacted by not only resetting the price, but actually even reducing it from 6.5 to 5 pence a couple of months later. 29 years later, similar riots in Frankfurt didn't end as well when the military opened fire, killing about 20 civilians. * The Ancient Babylonians knew at least 20 different varieties of beer. * In 1780, the average Viennese drank about 267 litres of wine and beer per year.
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Dec 3, 2015 01:25
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Humans have found farts amusing for hundreds of years
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Dec 3, 2015 03:29
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Blazing Saddles was the first film to have a fart scene. That said, it had other fart humor. Mel Brooks played Governor William J. LePetomane.
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Dec 3, 2015 03:49
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So! Lots of people are aware that Oliver Cromwell banned Christmas celebrations and mass (along with drinking, dancing, theatre, sports, makeup...), and tried to force stores to open on Christmas day, because Christmas celebrations conflicted with Puritan Theology. However, it was really not well received. There were a lot of scuffles between non puritans and government agents, so I'll just list a couple. In London in 1643, tradesmen formed a mob to shut down shops, and in 1647, there was a clash between a mob and soldiers when the mayor tried to tear down Christmas decorations. More impressive is what happened in Canturbury in 1647. Where a procession formed demanding a Christmas service and the right to decorate, while closing down shops that dared to be open. When a group of soldiers moved in to disperse the group, the procession became a full blown Royalist rebellion that took over the city for several weeks, leaving decorations in their wake.
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Dec 3, 2015 04:47
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RC and Moon Pie posted:Blazing Saddles was the first film to have a fart scene. I remember New Zealand television censoring this by removing the fart sounds, so you had a bunch of cowboys lifting their legs and scrunching up their faces in dead silence.
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Dec 3, 2015 05:21
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Say Nothing posted:I remember New Zealand television censoring this by removing the fart sounds, so you had a bunch of cowboys lifting their legs and scrunching up their faces in dead silence. That.. somehow makes it better..?
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Dec 3, 2015 05:28
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System Metternich posted:* When Vladimir the Great decided to find a proper religion for his realm, the Kievan Rus', he sent envoys to all the major religions of his time who were supposed to find out whether they would be a good fit for his people. While the Byzantine liturgy impressed them so much that Vladimir settled for it (well, the liturgy and a host of political reasons), the mission to the Muslims was doomed from the start as Muslims don't drink alcohol, after all. Or, in Vladimir's words: "Drinking is the joy of all Rus'. We cannot exist without that pleasure."
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Dec 3, 2015 05:31
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RC and Moon Pie posted:Blazing Saddles was the first film to have a fart scene.
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Dec 3, 2015 07:21
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goose fleet posted:That.. somehow makes it better..? The best part was they didn't edit anything else into the scene, so the horses are just freaking out about nothing. It's pretty surreal.
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Dec 3, 2015 08:35
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FreudianSlippers posted:It's form Titus Androniocus which is generally considered to be Shakespeare worst play, mostly because of all the extreme violence and depravity depicted in it. There are some theories that it might be meant to be some sort of parody of the revenge plays that were popular at the time. It's pretty rad. "Even among revenge tragedies, Titus Andronicus is particularly brutal. It has 14 killings, 9 of them on stage, 6 severed members, 1 rape (or 2 or 3 depending on how you count), 1 live burial, 1 case of insanity, and 1 of cannibalism – an average of 5.2 atrocities per act, or one for every 97 lines." I always thought this description was pretty funny.
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Dec 3, 2015 08:41
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The first song to include a sound sample from a video game is Time to Kill by Gentle Giant, from 1975.
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Dec 3, 2015 09:00
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Make that thousands. The oldest recorded joke is from 1900 BC: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap" http://www.wlv.ac.uk/about-us/news-and-events/latest-news/2008/august-2008/the-worlds-ten-oldest-jokes-revealed.php
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Dec 3, 2015 09:11
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trickybiscuits posted:There was fart humor in movies before that. Well, in *a* movie. yo dude no sound wtf? did it get Sony'd
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Dec 3, 2015 09:35
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The Middle English word for anus is toute         
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Dec 3, 2015 14:09
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Chrpno posted:yo dude no sound wtf? did it get Sony'd It's a silent film, dude.
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Dec 3, 2015 14:30
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FreudianSlippers posted:It's from Titus Androniocus which is generally considered to be Shakespeare's best play, mostly because of all the extreme violence and depravity depicted in it. There are some theories that it might be meant to be some sort of parody of the revenge plays that were popular at the time. It's pretty rad. There. Fixed a couple of things.
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Dec 3, 2015 14:43
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The Mentalizer posted:It's a silent film, dude. Yeah I know, is it because copyright?
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Dec 3, 2015 14:55
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TWIST FIST posted:"Even among revenge tragedies, Titus Andronicus is particularly brutal. It has 14 killings, 9 of them on stage, 6 severed members, 1 rape (or 2 or 3 depending on how you count), 1 live burial, 1 case of insanity, and 1 of cannibalism – an average of 5.2 atrocities per act, or one for every 97 lines." Another thing that helps contextualize the violence in Titus Andronicus is that the entertainment literally across the street from where Shakespeare (and others) would put on plays, a play's biggest competition, was bear baiting. That's where they tie a captured bear to a tether and sic dogs on it until it dies. People would place bets on how many dogs the bear would kill before it finally succumbed, but most people just showed up to watch a blood bath. A baiting was considered a failure if less than six dogs died. Some bears would kill dozens of dogs and the exhibition would last hours. There are some primary sources I remember reading (in college ten years ago, don't ask me to go find them) that said the people running the bear baiting ran out of dogs a couple of times and had to sneak around London to steal people's dogs in order to keep the bout going for an increasingly drunk and restless audience. Otherwise, they'd have an ol' fashioned Imagine the sound of that in the background of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Now Titus Andronicus makes a bit more sense.
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Dec 3, 2015 15:00
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Railing Kill posted:Another thing that helps contextualize the violence in Titus Andronicus is that the entertainment literally across the street from where Shakespeare (and others) would put on plays, a play's biggest competition, was bear baiting. That's where they tie a captured bear to a tether and sic dogs on it until it dies. People would place bets on how many dogs the bear would kill before it finally succumbed, but most people just showed up to watch a blood bath. A baiting was considered a failure if less than six dogs died. Some bears would kill dozens of dogs and the exhibition would last hours. There are some primary sources I remember reading (in college ten years ago, don't ask me to go find them) that said the people running the bear baiting ran out of dogs a couple of times and had to sneak around London to steal people's dogs in order to keep the bout going for an increasingly drunk and restless audience. Otherwise, they'd have an ol' fashioned The peasantry had bear baiting and monkey knife fights, the nobility had the more refined sport of fox tossing 
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Dec 3, 2015 17:01
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Elizabethan England was basically insane.Chrpno posted:Yeah I know, is it because copyright? 
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Dec 4, 2015 02:53
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Cythereal posted:Shakespeare wrote a "I hosed your mom" joke in one of his plays. Keeping up the dick theme, over in Southwest New Mexico a Mimbres Classic Style III bowl dated from 1000-1130 CE shows a giant man with a penis as long as his height, it is being carried by several dwarves. And in a less goofy, but still important fashion for our understanding of the progressive nature of some native cultures relative to their time, the Classic Mimbres also depicted childbirth on their ceramics and there is some evidence that human figures painted wearing clothing and ornaments from both sexes represent a third and possibly fourth gender in Mimbres society that were important members of the community and heavily involved in ritual life. Evidence for this is derived from statistical analysis of depictions of certain clothing and ornaments worn on painted depictions of humans that are almost certainly either male or female based on depicted secondary sexual characteristics. Marit K. Munson did the study on the gender issues in Mimbres, the article title is Sex, Gender, and Status: Human Images from the Classic Mimbres and it's in American Antiquity, Vol. 65, No. 1. The pot with the big dick I believe is illustrated in J.J Brody's "Mimbres Painted Pottery" and there is also some good discussion of Mimbres society, including gender issues in "Mimbres Society" which is edited by Powell-Marti and Patricia Gilman. KiteAuraan has a new favorite as of 11:35 on Dec 4, 2015 |
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Dec 4, 2015 11:31
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Chrpno posted:Yeah I know, is it because copyright? You're loving with me, right? I'm not really familiar with your posting so I can't tell if you're being serious or not. E: PiratePing posted:The Middle English word for anus is toute I love vulgar marginalia. The idea of bored monks inscribing fart jokes and pictures of dongs in the margins of whatever somber tome they're carefully copying is just funny as hell to me. the future is WOW has a new favorite as of 05:22 on Dec 5, 2015 |
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Dec 5, 2015 05:14
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The Mentalizer posted:You're loving with me, right? I'm not really familiar with your posting so I can't tell if you're being serious or not. Please don't interrupt our enjoyment of the movie with your incessant talking.
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Dec 5, 2015 05:21
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Sorry Titty, I'll try not to interrupt the rest of the motion picture show. E: hang on, just gotta make a quick phone call first... 
the future is WOW has a new favorite as of 05:34 on Dec 5, 2015 |
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Dec 5, 2015 05:24
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The Mentalizer posted:I love vulgar marginalia. The idea of bored monks inscribing fart jokes and pictures of dongs in the margins of whatever somber tome they're carefully copying is just funny as hell to me. Dirty jokes are just so timeless and human. Normally old material is impossible to truly relate to on the same level as the people from the period would have, the divide between our experience and theirs is just too big. I think it's very special to be able to read a joke written centuries ago and understand the humor exactly as intended. A resounding high-five and "Good one, bro!" across the ages  Edit: I should also say that not all marginalia are the result of bored monks goofing off, pretty much all of the fart jokes I posted were probably planned. One of the butt-trumpets is even gilded! The margins of manuscripts were often decorated with fun, cool or pretty designs that have nothing to do with the religious text they accompany. Sometimes they had rebuses, riddles or even picture stories (Reynard the Fox for example) that spanned several pages. Fun for everyone! Imagine a nobleman telling a scribe "and put in a guy with a butt trumpet here next to Jesus, a really long one... and give him a giant boner, and also a monkey is pooping on him hehehe"      Edit edit: I just noticed that those semen-drops seem to be drawn in later by the guy who made the notes between the lines. Pilgrimage badges:   "On the back of an enormous phallus we see a woman pushing a wheelbarrow loaded with phalli. In this way, the woman becomes a counterpart to the earlier mentioned male vulva whorshippers, who are depicted as phalli carrying a vulva. Apparently the woman, as a penis worshipper, expended considerable effort to satisfy her lust."   I love the pube-britches so much PiratePing has a new favorite as of 14:06 on Dec 5, 2015 |
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Dec 5, 2015 12:47
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WIthin German Catholics during the Baroque, pilgrimages were immensely popular, we're talking about tens of thousands of small and large pilgrimage churches dotting the landscape from eastern France to Hungary and from the northern reaches of the bishopric of Münster all the way down to northern Italy. Most people went on week-end or even single-day pilgrimages at least once a year, mostly more, and maybe a week-long tour thrown into there for good measure. Bavarian farmhands commonly had a passus in their employment contracts which guaranteed them several free days a year to go on pilgrimages. The reasons for that are religious, of course - praying at holy shrines, asking for the intercession of powerful saints, receiving the indulgence connected to visiting shrines and thereby shortening your soul's time in purgatory... but the main reasons that pilgrimages were especially popular with young people was that it was an easy opportunity to get away from your town or village for a bit, together with the town's girls. Several days' worth of pilgrimage, girls and boys mostly unsupervised, probably even away from their parents...  There was a whole lot of romancing and smooching and shagging going on during pilgrimages, and all the clergy's admonishments couldn't change that. What happens in Mariazell stays in Mariazell, I guess 
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Dec 5, 2015 13:23
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Those pube-britches are a loving masterstroke.
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Dec 5, 2015 14:42
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I think my favorite thing about ancient fart jokes and dong-related art is that it pretty strongly says all of that "kids these days, I tell you" poo poo is actually pretty stupid. Suggesting that the new generation is somehow single-handedly destroying the world by laughing at farts and penises is dumb. Humans have been laughing about farts and sex for as long as there has been humans. History has a pretty long record of how we've pretty much always been that way and probably always will be.
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Dec 6, 2015 02:40
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ToxicSlurpee posted:I think my favorite thing about ancient fart jokes and dong-related art is that it pretty strongly says all of that "kids these days, I tell you" poo poo is actually pretty stupid. Suggesting that the new generation is somehow single-handedly destroying the world by laughing at farts and penises is dumb. Humans have been laughing about farts and sex for as long as there has been humans. History has a pretty long record of how we've pretty much always been that way and probably always will be. It's hilarious, and sad. Both imo. I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint. – Hesiod, 800s BC
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Dec 6, 2015 03:22
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