Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

Tippis: Mar 21, 2008; It's yet another day in the wasteland.

Toops posted:

Solar Plebeian needs a trailer backstory promo vid. I was really inspired by this vid, just imagine he's in space talking to the Space Senate:

Backstory porno video, you say� hmm? :quagmire:

�oh� oh, you don't. Well you should. Just think of the gaming media controversy and free exposure it'd bring you.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 07:34

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

I'd prefer Solar Amphibians

That's an easy enough change to make. I went with "Marines" so the acronym would be SMAC, which is what I do to my face every time I see more Star Citizen "development" news.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:26

Damn Dirty Ape: Jan 23, 2015; I love you Dr. Zaius

Elerion posted:

Public companies publish financials because they have to. I don't know any private companies off the top of my head which voluntarily publish their financials aside from cherry picked numbers which they want to show for marketing purposes. Even public companies do their best to hide the operational details, since it is undeniably a disadvantage if your competitors, suppliers and customers know your financials (aside from what you want to show).

There are a million things to poke fun at CIG for, we don't have invent reasons.

It's not that the won't release the financials that I think is stupid, it's about the idiocy of Lesnicks post trying to rationalize it. Like I'm sure they are going to have to pay more for desks because the desk company knows how much money they have.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:26

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:28

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

Tippis posted:

Backstory porno video, you say� hmm?

�oh� oh, you don't. Well you should. Just think of the gaming media controversy and free exposure it'd bring you.

I think exposure is a given, actually.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:29

G0RF: Mar 19, 2015; Some galactic defender you are, Space Cadet.

AP posted:

Yeah, I know I'm just saying anytime I quote a daily number in this thread I've been doing it for non-sale days.

Though to be fair I'll be doing it a lot less now as the daily number seems unusually high for too long to me, so I'm going to stop arguing it's not made up.

On this matter, I think an argument still in their favor is that Sandi stated recently they are thinking of no longer publishing their pledge tracker results. (Can't remember source- batgirl or fortnightly or something like that...)

My read was that the number is so big as to render each new million meaningful -- but I also got the sense that there was a feeling of exposure they were increasingly less comfortable with. This might auger for their relative accuracy, the fact that she feels prompted to want to start hiding them.

G0RF fucked around with this message at 18:06 on Feb 10, 2016

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:29

Dogstoyevsky: Oct 9, 2012; If there is no Dog, everything is permitted

Beet Wagon posted:

That's an easy enough change to make. I went with "Marines" so the acronym would be SMAC, which is what I do to my face every time I see more Star Citizen "development" news.

But SMAC is a good game that already exists :colbert:

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:33

Fried Watermelon: Dec 29, 2008

Sorry guys, we don't want to have our programmers picked up by companies willing to pay them more so we won't release any numbers!

Nevermind the fact that the competitors can just literally ask our employees how much they get paid and how much it would take to get them to move!

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:33

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

Colostomy Bag posted:

Shitizens are so creepy.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:35

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Dogstoyevsky posted:

But SMAC is a good game that already exists

That's a good point. SMAC isn't a silly enough name for SP.

Solar Plebeian

- Briefing Room, 0800 Space Hours -

Commander Paarp: Gentlemen, I'd like to start this briefing by commending you on the recent training exercise against the 4242th Raider Battalion. You really showed those amateurs what a well-trained and highly motivated Solar Amphibian Defense Strategic Aviation Company can do. You are truly the finest group of Plebeians I have ever had the honor to serve with. I hope you got the most out of that training, because we're going to be put to the test, and gentlemen it WILL be a trial by fire. At 2130 Space Hours yesterday we received a distress call from the H.M.S. Discohobo. The signal was partially jammed, but before it cut off completely Intel was able to decipher enough to know Discohobo just took a big bite of poo poo sandwich.

Lieutenant Greenskeeper: What are we talking about, sir? Goonduul?

Commander Paarp: Jumping Jesus' Balls I wish it was just the Goonduul! There's no easy way to say this, boys: Discohobo has fallen into the hands of a Search and Destroy unit of the 4th Stimpire. And it gets worse. On board Discohobo was the only functioning Lesnicanum in this sector of human space, codename MacGuffin. Without that device, human control of this sector will fall apart. Now, Solar Control is organizing a task force to respond, but we're the closest ship, and you bet your sweet loving rear end we're not going to get shown up by a bunch of Navy pukes. Gentlemen we are going into Stimpire space to retrieve that box, have no doubts about that. You've all heard the stories. You've all seen the holovids that we use because regular videos aren't futurey enough. I don't have to tell you that if the Stimpire gains control of this sector we'll all be wearing our balls on our chin and eating our corn flakes with electrified forks. So get ready, because this isn't a training mission any more. We're going out there and RAMMING THOSE STIMPIRE FUCKS STRAIGHT BACK TO HELL!

Paarp, out.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:36

Madcosby: Mar 4, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Colostomy Bag posted:

I will confidently say that no one will ever see a prisoner fiddling with their handcuffs in any ship in any iteration of Star Citizen ever

maaaaaybe in an unskippable cutscene in sq42, but never in a player interaction

Imagine a release date. Now double that every second.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:41

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

Wafflz posted:

Shitizens are so creepy.

Yeah, having a wall dimmer switch was laughs enough. Hopefully it gets added to the dashboard on Solar Plebian.

But watching some dude fiddle with handcuffs? Christ, we're at Stimpire levels there.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:41

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

Madcosby posted:

I will confidently say that no one will ever see a prisoner fiddling with their handcuffs in any ship in any iteration of Star Citizen ever

maaaaaybe in an unskippable cutscene in sq42, but never in a player interaction

Imagine a release date. Now double that every second.

Are you sure? Obviously there has to be some lock picking mechanic in place (it has probably already been implemented behind the scenes just not shown yet) to facilitate sneaking in and out of crates.

Once the RPG features are added in (again, already done I'm sure) it would be trivial to implement handcuff fiddling. Once free, I could then brandish a weapon and shoot the pilot. Oh wait...

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:45

Iglocska: Nov 23, 2015

Madcosby posted:

I will confidently say that no one will ever see a prisoner fiddling with their handcuffs in any ship in any iteration of Star Citizen ever

maaaaaybe in an unskippable cutscene in sq42, but never in a player interaction

Imagine a release date. Now double that every second.

How do I double it? unix timestamp?

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:47

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Iglocska posted:

How do I double it? unix timestamp?

And then it overflows and it turns out Star Citizen was released in the 1970s

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:49

A Neurotic Jew: Feb 17, 2012; by exmarx

I could imagine someone clipping through their handcuffs and then the ship disappearing leaving nothing but the player in empty space. That's kind of like a prison escape.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:51

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

feedmegin posted:

And then it overflows and it turns out Star Citizen was released in the 1970s

Yep, that's the one thing they should have converted to 64-bit.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:52

Ash1138: Sep 29, 2001; Get up, chief. We're just gettin' started.

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

That's unfair, he's the architect of the 2015 Santa Monica restaurant boom

Their office chair supplier is also probably making a mint.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:58

Tippis: Mar 21, 2008; It's yet another day in the wasteland.

Fried Watermelon posted:

Sorry guys, we don't want to have our programmers picked up by companies willing to pay them more so we won't release any numbers!

Nevermind the fact that the competitors can just literally ask our employees how much they get paid and how much it would take to get them to move!

Also, at the rate and frequency they're losing talent, I get the distinct feeling that no amount of hidden numbers will keep the poachers away.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:59

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

Good loving Lord.

I'm at work, and my bosses (I work for a married couple) are in the next office bitching at each other. Mrs. Boss just snippily told Mr. Boss "If you implemented a tenth of the ideas I had at my previous job, this would be the best company ever." I immediately thought of Sandi saying she was one of the best saleswomen in the world and had been ever since she was a little girl. I'm glad my boss's delusions don't have access to millions of dollars.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:01

EminusSleepus: Sep 28, 2015

fuzzknot posted:

Good loving Lord.

I'm at work, and my bosses (I work for a married couple) are in the next office bitching at each other. Mrs. Boss just snippily told Mr. Boss "If you implemented a tenth of the ideas I had at my previous job, this would be the best company ever." I immediately thought of Sandi saying she was one of the best saleswomen in the world and had been ever since she was a little girl. I'm glad my boss's delusions don't have access to millions of dollars.

speaking of Sandi

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:06

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

EminusSleepus posted:

speaking of Sandi

God Almighty.

Looks more fun to work for than Sandi, though.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:07

ShredsYouSay: Sep 22, 2011; How's his widow holding up?

fuzzknot posted:

Good loving Lord.

I'm at work, and my bosses (I work for a married couple) are in the next office bitching at each other. Mrs. Boss just snippily told Mr. Boss "If you implemented a tenth of the ideas I had at my previous job, this would be the best company ever." I immediately thought of Sandi saying she was one of the best saleswomen in the world and had been ever since she was a little girl. I'm glad my boss's delusions don't have access to millions of dollars.

Stay safe worker ghost

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:10

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

ShredsYouSay posted:

Stay safe worker ghost

Anywhere NOT working for Sandi is probably pretty good. My job sucks, but at least it's not that.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:13

EminusSleepus: Sep 28, 2015

Chris Roberts Fidelity: Firing a railgun beside your face lol

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:14

eonwe: Aug 11, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

in the future space fights will be handled with WWII dogfights and hand railcannons

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:15

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

EminusSleepus posted:

Chris Roberts Fidelity: Firing a railgun beside your face lol

Beside your face? No no no, that would be unsafe.

Look again - we built the railgun directly into the side of the helmet. That way it's much safer.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:16

Dapper Dan: Dec 16, 2004; Can't post for 3 years!

EminusSleepus posted:

Chris Roberts Fidelity: Firing a railgun beside your face lol

Hrmm....where have I seen something like this before....

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:19

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

EminusSleepus posted:

Chris Roberts Fidelity: Firing a railgun beside your face lol

Whoa look at all those triangles :eyepop:

I tried counting and my life doesn't have half that immersion :smith:

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:20

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

Dapper Dan posted:

Hrmm....where have I seen something like this before....

Are there any truly original ideas in Star Citizen?

I mean I guess the funding model has/had a few inventions, but the game? I can't think of any :crossarms:

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:23

A Neurotic Jew: Feb 17, 2012; by exmarx

a new hot take from INN.

http://imperialnews.network/2016/02/star-citizens-ace-in-the-hole-foundry-42-frankfurt

quote:

I�d like to take some time today to talk about the incredible tech that Frankfurt team has brought to Star Citizen

.....

Ever since I was little, I always wanted to have one game that had infinite content. I wanted to be able to not just explore and always have different things to see, but also different things to do. Fast forward to today and now we�ve finally got as close as we�re likely to get to that.

.....

[Elite Dangerous is gay and bad! 64-bit technology is very good.]

....

If I may be so bold, it�s almost as if [CIG Frankfurt] wield the power of a God � creating worlds and everything within them on a whim. I am confident that the procedurally generated worlds we are seeing now and will see in the future will be without match for quite some time � perhaps similar to how long Crysis was virtually unmatched in terms of graphical fidelity. Funny how we�ve come full circle, with CryEngine once again leading the charge.

.....

With this tech still being relatively early in development, the horizons only continue to widen. I predict that the next time we see this being shown off, our minds will yet again be blown by whatever new wonders they have in store for us. This is just my personal speculation, but I think that a possible future feature that could come out of these malleable planets is the chance to colonise a planet and build a base from the ground up on it.

....

The future is bright, fellow citizens. All we have to do is be patient and see where CIG takes us next.

woof, I need a cigarette.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:23

beep_boop: Feb 2, 2016

EightAce posted:

Dont know where 10 hours is from ? He has shot far, far more than that and is still shooting bits. Its beyond belief bad. Not 'Ed Wood , its a product of its time and has a certain charm' bad , but really loving bad.
Imagine that you are about 12 and have just watched Starship troopers and you have viewed it in a truly un ironic way. You think the dialogue is bad rear end and the uniforms and one liners are so so cool. You cant imagine in your young mind how anyone could design anything that good, or even how SFX can progress anymore.
Now imagine a group of people give you more money than you can possibly imagine and tell you to go and make your very own Starship troopers. You go and get Luke Skywalker and that lady off the xfiles that makes you feel funny down there and then you get some like minded friends who all think you are great to build some spaceships and stuff. Some people start moaning that this isn't what they have given you money for but you totally ignore them, wait until they see what you have been up to, they will all see, all of them .........

Ooooh my god.

:perfect:

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:25

Mirificus: Oct 29, 2004; Kings need not raise their voices to be heard

aleksendr posted:

They are a "Pay2snowflake" race on Star-Trek Online, Klingon side :

From STO wiki :

Ferasans are a felinoid species that originated on the planet Ferasa, and are closely related to Caitians. Unlike Caitians, Ferasans are saber-toothed and some have telepathic abilities. They are bipedal, have tails that assist their balance, extended maxillary canine teeth and large eyes with excellent night vision. Their skin is covered with a soft fur coat, and their felinoid ears can pick up frequencies that most humanoids are unable to detect. Some Ferasans have telepathic abilities.

The Ferasans and Caitians were once a unified species, but an extensive genetic engineering program has greatly modified the Ferasan genome. Ferasans consider themselves to be superior to Caitians, and most relish the chance to prove that superiority in combat. Ferasan society is dominated by clans of inter-related family groups who band together for defense and conquest. Loyalty is highly prized among Ferasans, although betrayals are common. The greatest honor a Ferasan can give to a clanmate or Captain is to remain faithful through adversity.

Ferasans are a playable race in Star Trek Online for the Klingon Empire, however they must be unlocked from the Cryptic Store for 600 Zen small icon.png.

Players where constanly requesting the Caitian as a playable race (for obvious ERP reasons ) but they had no equivalent for the Klingon side so they introduced the Ferasans.

That would explain why Captain B'tak's RSI handle name is sabre-tooth.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:25

Google Butt: Oct 4, 2005; Xenology is an unnatural mixture of science fiction and formal logic. At its core is a flawed assumption...

that an alien race would be psychologically human.

yo can we get some stretch goals, plebs?

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:25

Ferrovanadium: Mar 22, 2013; APEX PREDATOR

-MOST AMMUNITION EXPENDED ON CIVILIANS 2015-PRESENT
-WORST KDR VS CIVILIANS 2015-PRESENT

A Neurotic Jew posted:

a new hot take from INN.

http://imperialnews.network/2016/02/star-citizens-ace-in-the-hole-foundry-42-frankfurt

woof, I need a cigarette.

What purpose does them throwing in a dig at Elite even serve?

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:27

wyoak: Feb 14, 2005; a glass case of emotion; Fallen Rib

A Neurotic Jew posted:

a new hot take from INN.

http://imperialnews.network/2016/02/star-citizens-ace-in-the-hole-foundry-42-frankfurt

woof, I need a cigarette.

i usually don't hate the pro-CIG stuff as much as other people in this thread but this was the exception, good lord that's awful

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:28

Tippis: Mar 21, 2008; It's yet another day in the wasteland.

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

Are there any truly original ideas in Star Citizen?

No.

If there were, they wouldn't be able to appeal to the audience they found.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:28

A Neurotic Jew: Feb 17, 2012; by exmarx

YellerBill posted:

What purpose does them throwing in a dig at Elite even serve?

because Elite did procedural generation first and they have to justify Star Citizens version as being an expression of singular genius.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:29

fuzzknot: Mar 23, 2009; Yip yip yip yip yip

Beet Wagon posted:

Beside your face? No no no, that would be unsafe.

Look again - we built the railgun directly into the side of the helmet. That way it's much safer.

Jesus H. Christ; I thought all that railgun stuff was for the parody game.

Star Citizen: Unintentional Self-Parody

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:30

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 07:34

A Neurotic Jew: Feb 17, 2012; by exmarx

Whenever a shitizen says "this is just my personal speculation, but..." you know you're in for a good time.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:30

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

«‹›6665 »