Booblord Zagats posted:

If I could legalize the murder of one entire segment of society, it would be Furries, if it were two, it would be Furries again, but with an underline

Solice Kirsk posted:

Without masturbation how would we have internet treasures like the disgusting chair?

Soulex posted:

No loving lie, this picture brings back memories from Iraq.

We had a CPT who was a complete loving idiot. She was rocks chewing stupid. During PT tests she would be seen out trying to "motivate soldiers" by screaming 'You can do it!' between sips of Mountain Dew and smoking cigarettes. Horrible person, didn't know how to do her job, and above all was bad at hygiene. One day she decided to punish us by listening to Beyonce's "If I were a boy" on repeat for the majority of the day. Mainly because she liked the song. And since she out ranked everyone we were forced to listen. Anyways, she gets up suddenly and blurts out "No one sit in my chair!" and rushes off. Me being a smart rear end who loves attention decided to make a big deal out of getting up out of my chair, sauntering over to hers and was about to sit down until I noticed an odd patch of discoloration. I immediately made a vomit sound and everyone came over to look. She came back in minutes later after we had sat back down and put our heads in our hands trying to process what the hell just happened and sat right back down in it with no attempts to clean it.

7 months later our MAJ comes in from his office across the way and demands that she take that chair to the dumpster. She immediately looks to one of the lower ranking enlisted (like me) and he said 'No. Your disgusting wobbly rear end can take it to the dumpster. I will not put any soldier's sanity at risk by having to throw away your disgusting menstral chair because you didn't address the issue properly or even tried to clean it up."

Goddamn that chair. We had to warn everyone coming in not to sit in it. She always offered it to people if there were no other chairs and we'd have to pretend we didn't want to sit down because no.

Hogge Wild posted:

Hogge Wild posted:

JEEVES420 posted:

Someone was interviewing for a job here and after the interview was over my boss went to push all the chairs in at the conference table. He noticed the leather chair the guy interviewing was sitting in was really wet. He then noticed the floor was also a little wet. The guy had pissed his pants in the middle of the interview. The staffing agency the guy came from said that he said it was sweat, but there is no way someone would sweat that much and not being drenched in it head to toe. We threw that chair away same day.

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

Avshalom is a dumb gimmick shitposter that other bad posters like for some reason.

A Saucy Bratwurst posted:

The everest threads are actually really good and cover a lot more stuff than just everest if you read them. Sure theres dudes who've never climbed a mountain in their life making GBS threads on the difficulty of it but there are some very smart people talking about a lot of similar and related topics and effort posting, it can be pretty interesting. There are people who take it way too far, at the end of the day Everest is an easy mountain compared to literally everything around it, doesn't mean it's an Easy Mountain though. Just ignore the crap stuff.

The last time I read it, there was talk of stuff like underwater caves and other mountains around the world. Everything about those caves is pure

E: It might have been because the mountain closed last year that the thread was good though

Avshalom posted:

are you going to keep throwing babby tantrums every single time i'm mentioned for the next twenty years because i once insulted you in ladythread

Hogge Wild posted:

Miss Ginger posted:

A friend of mine definitely asked me for period blood for his grode jar. I'm truly sorry for the poor sucker who got that poo poo in his room.

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

You're talking to a guy who still won't shut up about the time I posted the n-word in a Super Bowl thread 10 years ago.

What I'm saying is the answer is yes.

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

The greatest enemy of PYF posting: someone who actually knows something about what he's talking about.

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

Avshalom posted:

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

kalstrams posted:

Sleeveless posted:

Great, now he's going to spend the next six months downvoting every thread in PYF.

Avshalom posted:

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

nachos posted:

I haven't watched any of this so far and apparently there are dick jokes and Ted Cruz ate a booger??

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

Avshalom posted:

at first it's a good day for doctor sexman, phd. he hires eight books from the library without even bothering to check goodreads and only seven of them are so historically inaccurate that he can't enjoy the hilarious satire about society and politics in the golden age of colonial america. an actual expert comes into the everest thread, finally bringing some sense and objective fact into that wasteland of petty malice. he sees some excellent loss edits, very ingenious and hard to recognise unless you're an expert on the comedic cybersphere (and doctor sexman is better informed than most, not that he's bragging). the houston hotfranks beat the mississippi bayou bandits thanks to the excellent coaching of jankerton brill, esquire, just as he predicted on the forums two days ago. finally he'll get some goddamn respect from the trolls and worthless individuals that plague him every waking second of his life. during class he makes a droll observation about donald drumpf that causes a ripple of polite appreciation among the stamp collectors and full-time guerilla yarnbombers that are his people, the intellectual elite. but then things turn sour. an urban youth on the bus has his music up so loud that the artless doof-doof-doof interferes with sexman's quiet self-reflection. his coffee date pronounces it "expresso" and doesn't even know what adolf hitler's mother was named so he tells her that maybe instead of beauty school she should think about going to high school and leaves the cafe in tears. everywhere he looks is wanton sluttery. a plain girl at the library in a singlet, shoulders bared for all to see when there are people trying to learn. couples kissing in the park, right next to the kindergarten. a gay pride rally blocks his lunchtime stroll and someone has spraypainted a vulgar word on the steps where he likes to sit and phonepost about football statistics. when he arrives back in the office he goes straight to his favourite curated comedy archive the something awful thread "post your favourite something awful quotes" and finds that yet again they're posting something unfunny. no matter how many times he tells them things are unfunny they just keep finding it funny. it's not funny! it's unfunny! there's nothing funny about women being whores. they want to gently caress jfk, they want to gently caress ariel sharon, they want to gently caress centaurs, they want to gently caress each other, they want to gently caress the queen (probably), all these women just slinging their vaginas all over the shop and saying outrageous things like "kill all males" even though killing half the world's population would have a devastating impact on the economy and still the clever hegel girl won't give him her number no matter how many times he tells her he's an educated man. his fury boils over and he erupts in salty flames. when forensics arrives on the scene they find nothing left of the nutty professor but a small pile of ashes and a pool of watery bourbon-coloured ejaculate

gadget arms posted:

The

sudonim posted:

Wait.

The The?

Holy poo poo that changes everything.

Pick posted:

avshalom really is the best writer on the forums, over and over.

kizudarake posted:

This is an amazing post. i'm going to quote it and cross post it in the funny forum quotes thread.

quote:

The total lack of self-awareness and reflection that people display on this forum when talking about Israel, and Jews in general, astounds me. I've had people say to me when they find out I'm Jewish, "Oh, as long as you don't support Israel though" or even "As long as you're not orthodox though" and it just boggles my mind. They would never say to a Muslim goon, "Well as long as you don't support the monarchalist system of Saudi Arabia by visiting Mecca!" or "As long as you don't wear the hijab, I'm okay with you" and I know that they're probably patting themselves on the back behind the keyboard for sticking it to the big bad Israel, when in fact they're sticking it to a left-leaning religious minority in Australia who's never been to Israel and doesn't support their current actions at all... but it's okay because I'm just part of the big faceless mass of Jews.

I say "on this forum" because the rest of the internet doesn't even try to pretend that it doesn't hate Jewish people, but SA posters like to think they're more politically progressive than that. It would never even occur to them that automatically conflating my religion and identity with the murder of Palestinians because I'm a Jew, and Judaism is Israel and Israel is Bad, is exactly the sort of generalisation and bigotry that they denounce when it's pointed at other religions.

What I'm saying is there are a lot of legitimate reasons to criticise Israel, but there are also a lot of people who only bother to do it because it gives them free rein to express, publically and without hope of retaliation, that deep down inside they really loving hate Jews. They're not allowed to just say that we're all greedy devious back-stabbing money-grubbing inhuman lizard people, but now look how Israel is behaving! It's proving the stereotypes! It's not racism if it's true!

I AM GOING TO FART ALL OVER YOU. I RUB MY BREASTS. THE NIPPLES EXTEND LIKE HEATED CARAMEL. THEY ARE PERFECTLY PINK, THE COLOUR OF RIPE ROSE PETALS IN SUMMERTIME, SMELLING FAINTLY OF MILK AND LOWLAND MARSHES. I PULL MY NIPPLES INTO GORGEOUS RIBBONS. MY BUTTOCKS CLENCH, MY ANUS PURSES ITS COQUETTISH LIPS. ONE FART - PRRT. A SQUEAKY LITTLE THING. DEMURE. LADYLIKE. IT HAS A SCENT OF WILDFLOWERS. BUT THE NEXT - BY GOD! PAAAARP. A MAJESTIC EXHALATION, A HISTORICAL FART, A GROUNDBREAKING ACHIEVEMENT IN FLATULENCE. I BEGIN TO DANCE. MY FARTS SWIRL AROUND ME IN A FETID MIASMA. IT IS TIME. LET US HAVE SEX

Orkin Mang posted:

avshaloms a badass

Avshalom posted:

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Whiz Palace posted:

Solice Kirsk posted:

Without masturbation how would we have internet treasures like the disgusting chair?

Soulex posted:

No loving lie, this picture brings back memories from Iraq.

We had a CPT who was a complete loving idiot. She was rocks chewing stupid. During PT tests she would be seen out trying to "motivate soldiers" by screaming 'You can do it!' between sips of Mountain Dew and smoking cigarettes. Horrible person, didn't know how to do her job, and above all was bad at hygiene. One day she decided to punish us by listening to Beyonce's "If I were a boy" on repeat for the majority of the day. Mainly because she liked the song. And since she out ranked everyone we were forced to listen. Anyways, she gets up suddenly and blurts out "No one sit in my chair!" and rushes off. Me being a smart rear end who loves attention decided to make a big deal out of getting up out of my chair, sauntering over to hers and was about to sit down until I noticed an odd patch of discoloration. I immediately made a vomit sound and everyone came over to look. She came back in minutes later after we had sat back down and put our heads in our hands trying to process what the hell just happened and sat right back down in it with no attempts to clean it.

7 months later our MAJ comes in from his office across the way and demands that she take that chair to the dumpster. She immediately looks to one of the lower ranking enlisted (like me) and he said 'No. Your disgusting wobbly rear end can take it to the dumpster. I will not put any soldier's sanity at risk by having to throw away your disgusting menstral chair because you didn't address the issue properly or even tried to clean it up."

Goddamn that chair. We had to warn everyone coming in not to sit in it. She always offered it to people if there were no other chairs and we'd have to pretend we didn't want to sit down because no.

Pat Mustard posted:

Was she dishonourably discharged for her dishonourable discharge?