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its a top tier meltdown
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Mar 23, 2016 11:52
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I do work at [secure mental institution] yesterday was quite the day for it I assure you. Let's play how did he get the smartphone and where is it now? When that's over we can have a jolly good game of re-arrange all the staff rotas because all the non-white staff members have been sent home for their own safety! Yay!
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Mar 23, 2016 12:14
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is it up his arse? i bet it's up his arse
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Mar 23, 2016 13:24
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always check the arse
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Mar 23, 2016 13:39
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Smartphones have pretty wide screens these days. Good effort.
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Mar 23, 2016 14:05
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Mar 23, 2016 14:08
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learnincurve posted:I do work at [secure mental institution] yesterday was quite the day for it I assure you. it's okay, all he did was post a walking dead meltdown and get banned I'm in leith for the second time in a week
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Mar 23, 2016 14:10
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what did you get banned from psn for
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Mar 23, 2016 14:49
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I didnt
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Mar 23, 2016 14:58
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goatface posted:Smartphones have pretty wide screens these days. Good effort. You say that but I've known someone get a tablet into a secure facility somehow........
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Mar 23, 2016 15:10
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apparently they use some external company to monitor the network and sometimes it doesn't work properly and bans random ip's i rang playstation this morning and it was unbanned an hour ago
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Mar 23, 2016 15:41
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Gaz2k21 posted:You say that but I've known someone get a tablet into a secure facility somehow........ I hope it was baked into a cake.
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Mar 23, 2016 18:24
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It's my birthday and I got a chair and matress protector (which I asked for) Am I getting old?
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Mar 23, 2016 18:30
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you are approximately 1 year older than on your last birthday yes
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Mar 23, 2016 18:31
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ta
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Mar 23, 2016 18:32
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freelop posted:It's my birthday and I got a chair and matress protector (which I asked for) Happy birthday? And though the answer is yes, it's the best sort of yes because you're getting the presents you asked for instead of poo poo you can't use... vvv I'm broke, so I'm baking my dad biscuits for his birthday next week and hand-delivering them to him by driving 300 miles with a whingey dog. Oh what fun. Kluliss fucked around with this message at 18:43 on Mar 23, 2016 |
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Mar 23, 2016 18:35
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It's my dad's birthday on Monday, I never know what to buy him and am not allowed to buy him the booze.
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Mar 23, 2016 18:40
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I can think of several ways to get a tablet or smartphone into a secure mental facility. 1. Be really fat and sweaty and shove it in your waistband at the back/in your pants and hope you don't get searched by someone competent, if in doubt try to get the Nigerian nurse. 2. Bribe your fat and sweaty mate to do it for you. 3. Have a mental disorder which involves being really manipulative and persuade your mother/girlfriend/husband/child to sneak one in for you as you need it to be able to skype/facetime them, and you will cry yourself to sleep every night if they don't do this one little thing, because I am so lonely and the staff are so mean and cruel oh the humanity. 4. Attack a member of staff who has been stupid enough to bring their iPhone onto a secure mental ward.
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Mar 23, 2016 18:50
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learnincurve posted:I can think of several ways to get a tablet or smartphone into a secure mental facility. This was an immigration detention center the guy was pretty fat though
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Mar 23, 2016 18:52
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Gaz2k21 posted:This was an immigration detention center the guy was pretty fat though Nice to know other people's security sucks as well. I was once having lunch in a pub when a nice lady came in asking them to turn the security cameras off out front during the day as it meant "they" could track her, she then cheerily explained that a nurse on [secure ward] would go out for a cigarette on her breaks and hide round the corner so her boss would not see her, leaving the fire door open. Nice lady would simply follow her out, go for a wander for 4 hours till the nurse came out for her second break then nip back in again just in time for dinner. learnincurve fucked around with this message at 19:04 on Mar 23, 2016 |
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Mar 23, 2016 19:02
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corn in the fridge posted:wasnt there a guy who ate a whole car once? like broke it up into tiny swallowable pieces and proceeded to consume it over a long period of time That was taff, but the details are wrong. There was no car, but it involved not wanking for 18 months
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Mar 23, 2016 19:13
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He sucked up the whole thing through tantric reverse ejaculation.
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Mar 23, 2016 19:14
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The Big Taff Man posted:I didnt
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Mar 23, 2016 19:23
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np, happy birthday 
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Mar 23, 2016 19:40
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goatface posted:He sucked up the whole thing through tantric reverse ejaculation. what a champ
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Mar 23, 2016 20:51
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Kluliss posted:driving 300 miles with a whingey dog. Oh what fun. bit harsh on Party Boat
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Mar 23, 2016 20:54
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should i gamble on the chip shop i like being open when i get back to birmingham or play it safe and go to big johns??? i reckon i could be there by ten to nine
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Mar 23, 2016 21:30
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finally had a clear night with a full moon to get my telescope out 
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Mar 23, 2016 21:55
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corn in the fridge posted:wasnt there a guy who ate a whole car once? like broke it up into tiny swallowable pieces and proceeded to consume it over a long period of time are you sure you aren't thinking of the iron giant
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Mar 23, 2016 22:02
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Phoon posted:should i gamble on the chip shop i like being open when i get back to birmingham or play it safe and go to big johns??? Get a big johns 20" pizza if they still do them. With all the meats. Used to abuse the hell out of the "unlimited toppings" they had there when living in Erdington
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Mar 23, 2016 22:06
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are you thinking of this guy? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Lotito "Michel Lotito (June 15, 1950 – June 25, 2007[citation needed]) was a French entertainer, born in Grenoble, famous for deliberately consuming indigestible objects. He came to be known as Monsieur Mangetout ("Mr Eat-All").[1] His performances involved the consumption of metal, glass, rubber and other materials. He disassembled, cut-up, and consumed bicycles, shopping carts, televisions, a Cessna 150,[2] and other items. The Cessna 150 took roughly two years to be "eaten", from 1978 to 1980. He began eating unusual material as a teenager around 16 years of age and performed publicly from 1966."
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Mar 23, 2016 22:07
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Ratjaculation posted:That was taff, but the details are wrong. There was no car, but it involved not wanking for 18 months we could all learn something from this man and his stained mattress
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Mar 23, 2016 22:55
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Kluliss posted:are you thinking of this guy? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Lotito yeah him
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Mar 23, 2016 23:05
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Randomly met Frankie Boyle tonight. Went to watch Mark Steel doing stand up and he was sat in the row behind me. Said hello and he was very pleasant.
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Mar 24, 2016 00:04
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Taff just informed me that we've been friends for a year because he was apparently keeping count I guess??? Happy friendversary taffington
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Mar 24, 2016 00:26
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Solefald posted:Taff just informed me that we've been friends for a year because he was apparently keeping count I guess??? Or it came up on facebook "on this day"
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Mar 24, 2016 00:31
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Bozza posted:Randomly met Frankie Boyle tonight. Went to watch Mark Steel doing stand up and he was sat in the row behind me. Said hello and he was very pleasant. Was it one of his local comedy things, or just a general tour?
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Mar 24, 2016 00:32
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David Attenborough's voice is a very soothing thing when I've had a bad day.
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Mar 24, 2016 01:17
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goatface posted:David Attenborough's voice is a very soothing thing when I've had a bad day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOFy8QkNWWs
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Mar 24, 2016 01:34
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I know it's not real (some of it anyway) but the filthy look David Attenborough throws in the direction of the bird is just <3 (but then I adore Sir Attenborough for being simultaneously incredibly interesting, knowledgeable, and able to put me to sleep in approximately three minutes even though I am an insomniac.)
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Mar 24, 2016 09:56
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