EightAce posted:

Good morning

The professor shares many quirks with Mr Roberts , not least of all the total inability to deliver on a milestone, in Derek's case that of Armageddon, However .......

He is right in everything he says
He has always been right.

I guess he is currently out of sorts because of what he knows and because he can do nothing with it at all. This must be totally frustrating for him. He has all the right notes , but slightly in the wrong order. Everything he has hinted at, indeed , outright stated, from his first blog and his social media feed. In amongst all the self righteous bluster , there lie the facts of what is happening, happening right now.
This is now beyond simple comedy, the powers involved are such that he cannot say anything specific without getting himself right in the poo poo. Also the E.L.E to which he refers is a multi faceted thing. Although the phrase E.LE is rather strong we are not talking national security here.

For the record Derek has always had the interest of the backers and the dev staff at heart I truly believe that. There was probably some free publicity for LOD and various other selfish motivations but I truly think that is where his crusade started. Its beyond all that now though, this whole thing is simply an industry wide joke , the punchline will not be so amusing . There are no more dates I can give you and I will not give you any more info other than to point out, weeks ago when I said just how bad this interactive movie is has to be seen to be believed . Well now you have seen a very old iteration of the script ....I need say no more.

There is no reason for this to end up on TCE as it doesn't shed light on anything or provide any new info other than an attempt to explain the professors chagrin. Be nice to the old boy, I have commissioned a birthday card for him from a talented young artist that has been brought to my attention called Ryan Archer. He's cheap as chips as well ........something about being between jobs?

Wrecked Angle posted:

Goon afternoon, what is happening today?

Oh, we have a leaked script? hosed if I'm reading any of that!

A rather marvellous glass door review which tells you precisely zero about what it's like to work at CIG and lots about how great Star Citizen is going to be. Good.

EightAce backs up Derek's predictions. Interesting.

Really poo poo April fools by CIG, like even worse than my 5 minute BBC page edit. Not really surprising since the whole company has no creativity whatsoever.

Beer has the secrets! Two weeks!

cocaine dad show posted:

It's a real feel good Friday

Tokamak posted:

Behold: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8eoOfYoiRE

CIG's April Fools - https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/15274-Careers-Intergalactic-Food-Delivery

CrazyTolradi posted:

So @WhiteknightNL who's Twitter feed was 80% about Derek Smart has had his account suspended. I'm sad now because I really wanted to watch his feed as this pot slowly boils and explodes all over Shitizens.

MilesK posted:

I'm gonna guess the Feds are about to crack down on money laundering through Kickstarter and/or video games, and Star Citizen is at the top of the list of people to investigate

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

The brochure is actually really funny, and they probably could have gotten away with selling a $5 skin.

Atheist Sunglasses posted:

Can somebody tell me the major spoilers from the script leak so I can post them in strategic places? Thx

1500 posted:

oh they will sell one.

I Greyhound posted:

Penguin Bacon posted:

Does anyone have the pastebin of the leaked scripted? How many times is the word "smart" used during it?

quote:

[Player]: "Forget about Karne. I want to know about Shubin. What's really going on there?"
[Aldo Braga]: "All you need to know is Karne gets what he wants and Karne wants Shubin."
[Player]: "But why?"
[Aldo Braga]: "Why do you think? Credits. A poo poo ton of them."
[Player]: "On a mining base like Shubin?"
[Aldo Braga]: "You know what's funny? I don't even care about the creds no more. You all? I'm killing you all for free."
[Player]: "You think making threats is a smart thing for a man in restraints to do?"
[Aldo Braga]: "Never been smart. Sure as hell not gonna start today."
[Aldo Braga]: "I'm done talking to you."
[Player]: "You're done when I say you're done."
[Player]: "You hear me?"
[Player]: "Fine. We'll see how you feel like talking after rotting a few more days in here."
[Aldo Braga]: "I'll keep at him for you. Let you know if he spills."

Penguin Bacon posted:

Does anyone have the pastebin of the leaked scripted? How many times is the word "smart" used during it?

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

The brochure is actually really funny, and they probably could have gotten away with selling a $5 skin.

Literally Kermit posted:

Here's some more Star Plebian lore, this time about Goonrathi!

The collective Goonrathi is a surprisingly cosmopolitan faction, perfect for whatever stupid convoluted backstory you come up with for your little Mary-Sue player character there. Last of their kind? Secret royalty? That's adorable.

No, truth is, the Goonrathi is made up of all sorts of different, funny-lookin' sentient species. Their respective ancestors made war upon each other until their original societies were nearly wiped out; what survived eventually became the “Goonrathi”. Instilled with a strong survival instinct from birth, modern Goonrathi still have a general distrust and loathing for each other, but considerably less than the xenophobia they have for any non-Goonrathi.

Most Goonrathi ship owners dabble in a little of everything, from basic thuggery to good old fashioned mail fraud. They can be persuaded to act professional for a modest fee more, at least until their ship clears the station. Their sense of caution and fear of the unknown make them lousy explorers but very, very well prepared adventurers and soldiers of fortune, and once they agree to something they indeed to make sure all parties survive to the very end, if only they can collect the rest of their paycheck. However, this collective “over-culture” is not the sole defining trait of a Goonrathi, as echos of old ways continue to persist among its member species.

Indeed, many of the species that were once fully Goonrathi have broken off-shoots to establish and revive their ancient cultures, losing most (but never all) of their mistrust. While these “forgetful folk” are technically friendly to their parent society (and lumped in with it whether they want it or not), “true” Goonrathi remain aloof around them, and prefer to use complicated coded clothing styles and passphrases to identify themselves to one another. However, it is easy to identify Goonrathi by simple observation; for example, in a party full of otherwise normal looking folks, the Goonrathi will either be alone in the corner sobbing or trying to look casual as they attempt to steal hors d'oeuvres or dinner mints while they think no one is looking.

That said, here are the “races” of the Goonrathi -

Humans - the boring and mostly hairless primates that are probably from an ancient Earth, or pre-date it because WHAT A TWIST! Normally associated with industriousness and adaptability, because that's exactly what they want you to believe. While not terribly far from the truth, Humans have a streak of laziness in them which is what really drives their need to invent time-saving devices. The two offshoots of Humanity that managed to stay out of the Great Goonrathi War went on to become the Spergians and the Ten Stimpires, if that tells you anything. Oh, which reminds me, Humans can be pretty Sick Fucks, too.

Pee-Grabz - a race of Uplifted cats which retain many cat abilities, including being innately sneaky assholes but also are pretty cool too. They understand space flight and can do clever field repairs on ships when absolutely necessary, but prefer to just straight up hijack a new ship, until they break it beyond repair or just get bored and move on to a new one. This technically makes them nomads, but they are not wrong when they list their homeworld as “Ship”. Pee-Grabz have a peculiar carefree way of speech, and their writing is riddled with typos despite impressive penmanship. If they can be convinced to stay on a non-Pee-Grabs crew, they excel at being Ship Engineers, yes.

Eownephonts - Small adorable pink elephant people that exist purely so we can include a key-chain of them in our overpriced collector's edition of Solar Plebian. They are well liked as much as Goonrathi “like” things, and often can be found as diplomats or traders or just hanging out and talking about things. They are slightly larger than a Pee-Grabs, and they love drinking good alcohol and break dancing, often multitasking the two. They love cartoons too, and are generally glad of lots of things and are sure to let you know it, too.

The Tijuana Bibliophile - we only got one of these, as one is all you ever need. He looks like some sort of human octopus that had crazy sex with an instrument designed by Dr. Seuss in a fever dream. Otherwise a nice chap, handy in a fist fight, and spokesman for a company that makes vending machines that for some reason dispenses badly drawn gently caress-books. Because of these, he is a trillionaire and bought some ad space for this very description, so here we are. Buy Tijuana Bibliophile Brand Tijuana Bibles, where you work or bank!

Melmacians - Sure why not, gotta pad this section out anyway. Mortal enemy of the Pee-Grabz because they eat cats you see.

Daztek - famous for being yet another race of Goonrathi randomly chosen from an avatar, but unlike the Tijuana Bibliophile, there's a lot of these things. No one knows if they have a beak or just weird lips, because no one can get close enough from the spittle they generate from talking. They are good at business so often can be found in hives full of them, which they call “office buildings” or occasionally “the Department of Motor Spaceships”. Despite all looking the same regardless of gender, they can have very diverse personalities that are lost on non-Daztek because every last Daztek sounds like Daffy Duck gargling motor oil. They also like showtunes.

<sup>Note: The alien races depicted here are based on the avatars of SA posters, not the posters themselves

I regret nothin'</sup>

SelenicMartian posted:

D1E posted:

My guess is it's the DEA, and they're going to start by investigating Chris Roberts' nose.

sorla78 posted:

-Toast? Either no longer working at CIG or now a legal consultant for CIG? Surely doesn't come cheap.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/steven-kam-3521674

Beet Wagon posted:

"Hello my goon army fellow regular human beings. It is I, Dr. Derek Smart EightAce here. Derek's right on the money this time. I'm watching it all burn down from the inside just like he predicted it would in this series of blogs, these tweets, and these four livestreams from July. Seriously he's 100% correct and always has been about everything, so cut him some slack. I mean DO YOU KNOW WHO THE gently caress I AM? he's Derek Smart for gently caress's sake."

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

It would have been funnier if the variant was actually sold out.

sorla78 posted:

So that's what it feels like huh - the last day of a star citizen... lesnick must feel like this every single night when he goes to bed.


Also CrcleSqreSanchz - I would totally hire you as a screenplay writer, your prose is borderline poetic - you are a gifted man, keep those short stories coming.